The Trauma Tapes

It's 2022, and we've been podcasting for an entire year! We take this episode to do a year in review - looking back on themes that appeared over the letters, and specific letters that we still find ourselves thinking about. We're out of letters for the moment, so we're going to take a little break. If you have a follow-up story, a new story, an idea or a question, email us at thetraumatapes@gmail.com. Thanks for listening!

This week we talk about worry burnout - what it is, how to recognize it, and what you can do about it. Worry tricks us into thinking that it is productive, but it's corrosive.

This week we talk about the darkness of this season, and what we can do to manage it! We give a mini-toolbox of what works (and of course we talk a bit about what doesn't).

This week, we talk to the letter writer about a different kind of holiday trauma - the trauma of being oh so alone. We delve into why the holiday season can be so filled with darkness, and try to combat some of the letter writer's shame demons.

We talked this week about the holidays, and the trauma and drama that all too often goes hand in hand. Why do traumatic memories get triggered so intensely by time? What can we do to get through this tricky season?

This week, the letter writer asks us about chemical imbalances. Are they real? How do they connect with trauma? How can we navigate them? We unpack some of the basics behind chemical imbalances in the brain and what we can do about them. On the way, we learn about the importance of rowing machines and Henry David Thoreau.

This week, we have a letter about how to support someone who is about to lose a parent to terminal illness. This one hits close to home, and we try to get the letter writer some advice about how to prepare for loss.

This week we talk about returning to the scene of a traumatic event. It's often depicted as the pinnacle of healing, but is it? Is it even necessary? We talk it through, and along the way, we learn about Lisa's hatred for big clocks.

This week we talk to the letter writer about her relationship with her abusive father. She asks about why the symptoms are coming up now as she's getting older, and so we talk about the healing process.

This week we get a follow-up letter from a previous letter writer. We revisit fight, flight, freeze and the role of the amygdala. We talk about whether or not you can unlearn your default responses to stress (nope!) and how to cope with the ones that tend to get in your way.

This week we return to letters from listeners! Our letter writer asks us about how to process experiences that leave us feeling betrayed by our own bodies. We explore how to talk about these experiences as well as some methods to heal from them. As always, we return to our definition of trauma: overwhelming emotional experience that lacks a relational home.

This week we talk about the tool from last week - behavior chain analysis - and we run smack dab into existential angst. We talk about how grief, moving, and life changes remind us oh so vividly of the darker parts of the human condition.

This week we unpack the name, tame, befriend exercise from last week. We talk about how difficult this exercise was and we get to a good place, a solid work around. Then we explain the tool for next week - which is based on recognizing our behaviors in the moment and making strategic plans for the future.

This week we unpack the 100 other things exercise from last week. We talk about our negative thoughts about ourselves and how we can counteract them with 100 other things. Then we explain the tool for next week - which is based on radical acceptance, learn to name, tame and befriend all of our feelings.

This week we unpack the punching back exercise from last week. We talk about our negative thoughts about ourselves and how we can reframe them and teach ourselves to think differently. Then we explain the tool for next week - which is to look at the labels we've been carrying around against a list of 100 other things about ourselves.

This week we unpack our experience practicing the hope circuit exercises from last week. We talk hope and gratitude before we move on to the next exercise, which is an exercise I call punching back. In it, you take the negative beliefs that you're carrying around and put them on paper. Then you punch back by asking what the flip side of the negative beliefs is. If you say "I'm needy" for example, you might punch back by saying, "I'm also very loving."

This week, we start by detailing what it was like to go through the tool from last week. We take each other through the narrative choose your own interpretation exercise and come to some deep conclusions! Then we unpack the hope circuit and explain two quick exercises to try for next week.

We share our experiences from the tool last week, which leads to a conversation about limiting beliefs and how to challenge them. Then we explain the next tool - which is a choose your own adventure style narrative tool to help you expand those shame spiral stories you get stuck in.

This week we continue talking tools. This time we use top-down regulation to change the way our thoughts take hold in the body. We use Byron Katie's 4 questions as a framework.

We are starting a new series focused on tools! This week we talk about what traumatic overwhelm looks like in the brain, how it impacts the body, and why you need a whole toolbox of tools to cope. Then we talk about two quick tools to practice with to help you regulate activation and overwhelm in your nervous system.

We meet the letter writer at a crossroads - trying to decide whether to give up her partner or her family. We talk about family relationships, the importance of surrounding yourself with people who accept you, and recalibrating expectations of family members when you grow.

In this episode, we talk to the letter writer about the legitimacy of her own experience. We talk about the malleability of the brain, how we are all lizards according to the fire alarm in the brain, and why it is so problematic to believe that if you didn't have childhood trauma that you can't be traumatized.

We talk to the letter writer about the tough spot she finds herself in - grappling withe a life of trauma and in the middle of a traumatic marriage at its breaking point. We get pretty fired up in this one as we try to mirror back to her what is going on and help her find some hope.

This week, our letter writer asks us how to make sense of a life that contains both success and trauma. We talk about her story, run through the disorganized attachment style and then hone in on Adverse Childhood Experience (ACEs) and their opposite - Positive Childhood Experiences (PCEs).

You asked questions, we answered! We cover the mohawk of self-awareness, the difference between traumatic memories and other memories, talked about whether trauma makes us funny, and a bunch of other things.

This week our letter writer is coming from the other side of the table. After doing a lot of work to repair and understand their past, they are trying to let go of their shame at having traumatized other people. We talk about perpetrator trauma, good vs. evil, and what self-forgiveness actually looks like.

We talk to the letter writer about how to peel back the shame she feels when she goes back to an abusive ex so she can reconnect with herself and move on. We explain how this is in part a neurobiological issue, and what she can do about it in order to begin a new life.

The letter writer is facing a difficult decision. Stay in her marriage when her husband wants to be polyamorous, or leave and lose him entirely. We talk about the trauma of a profound lack of a relational home.

Our letter writer asks whether we are going to come out of these two years with PTSD. We talk about the difference between a clinical diagnosis of PTSD and experiencing trauma, collective trauma and how to cope.

We talk to the letter writer about his concern for his girlfriend, who is using her trauma as a weapon. Why do we sometimes enact our trauma at other people instead of heal it? We talk about over-identifying with trauma, the importance of non-violent communication, and coercive communication.

We meet our letter writer in the dark cave of guilt and shame. We shine the light on some very dark experiences of hers and try and redirect focus on the fact that she is breaking the cycle with her own children.

We rant a bit. Not at our beautiful letter writer, who is struggling to find herself amidst all of the self-help work she's been doing. We rant at the labels we stick on ourselves and the ways these labels limit and constrict our wild and beautiful lives.

Can prolonged psychological trauma cause physical pain? We help our letter writer understand some of the mysterious ways that trauma can impact the body.

We talk to our letter writer about how to reconcile a friendship with someone who turned out to be a perpetrator of sexual assault. Radical acceptance, grief, and the importance of the both/and are all themes.

We talk to our letter writer about why trauma can pop up ten years later, and what to do about it. We revisit the definition of trauma that we use: unbearable emotional experience that lacks a relational home, and we talk about the difference between simple and complex trauma.

Our letter writer asks us about how to deal with triggers in an intimate relationship. We unpack triggers - what they are, how they work, and how to work around them.

In this episode, we meet a letter writer who is frustrated with her progress in healing. We talk about shame as a coping technique, the non-linear nature of healing, and forgiveness.

Last week was the anniversary of our Mom's death, so this week, we talk about her. What she was like, and what it was like to lose her. We touch on intergenerational trauma, addiction, and grief.

Today we talk to our letter writer about letting go, radically accepting, and moving on. We also talk a bit more about the fight, flight, or freeze response to clarify a question from last week.

We confront some dark truths in this episode as we hear from a letter writer who lost her partner to suicide. We talk about dissociation, coping, and the hope circuit.

In this episode, we introduce ourselves more in depth than we have before. Our letter writer asks us about how to heal more deeply after sexual assault. We talk about the importance of coping, and how to switch out your coping tools when they have become unhealthy.

We talk this week about capital T and lowercase t trauma, collective trauma, and existential crises.

We talk to "Why do I keep going back?" about his relationship, the trauma bond, and how he can learn how to stay away.

What are we doing here, exactly?