The Wacky Misadventures of Warble McGorkle

-In this episode: The final chapter ends by returning full circle to Chapter 0. Now, though, you know "the rest of the story"--the whys and wherefores of the empty Oval Office and the strange scene there.

-In this episode: Despite the fact that he has rid himself of all ridicule (only government-sanctioned news is allowed) and ridiculers (they have all been either incarcerated or committed to mental hospitals), Warble is bored with being President. To his way of thinki

-In this episode: On taking office, Warble has all his enemies harassed, jailed, or even killed. He has thousands of new prisons built, and spends his days giving speeches, playing golf, and signing death warrants. Realizing he has everything he needs materially, he g

-In this episode: In preparation for his debate with the other Presidential candidates, Warble plants a heckler/fan in the audience, and also bribes the soundman and camera crew to make him look and sound good and his opponents bad. Warble chews out the incumbent, bla

-In this episode: Rejecting the major political parties, referring to them as "Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum," Warble founds his own: the Warbletarians. Forming a coalition with a conglomeration of corporations, they begin Operation Reverse Robin Hood, where t

-In this episode: Warble soon tires of running Wisconsin. According to him, he has solved every problem the state had, and is champing at the bit to tackle a bigger challenge. He decides to run for President of the United States. As a final bombshell, he tells Mary (w

-In this episode: Warble forges a political alliance with Whortleberry Dane, who helps him win the governorship. Tipping the scales even further in his favor, Warble promises to have every goose in the state diapered at government expense, ridding the dairy state of g

-In this episode: After eating 29 Twinkies (along with their plastic wrappers and cardboard bottoms), Warble comes upon the idea to "be of service" by going into politics. He decides on a sure-fire platform in his campaign for governor of Wisconsin: Making i

-In this episode: Driving through Minnesota, Warble tells Mary all about the Winona Judd/Winona, Minnesota connection. Then, in La Crosse, Wisconsin, about how the sport of lacrosse was invented there by Jesuits, who engaged in a "sword fight" of sorts (usin

-In this episode: While driving through Montana, Mary dreams of begonias. As Warble drives, his next money-making idea is germinating in his brain. When Mary wakes up, Warble bores her with some more history lessons and asks her to provide feedback on his new idea.

-In this episode: Warble receives hate mail and threats from customers who administered pills to children and street gangs which were supposed to make them Gandhi-, Mr. Rogers-, or Mother Theresa-like, but in actuality were Ozzie Osbourne, Osama bin Laden, and George

-In this episode: Warble's shop, where he manufactures the personality-changing pills (the mad scientist's laboratory) is described. A lab accident, blamed on Idaho spuds (the tuber, not the candy bar) puts an end to Warble's "gold-mine," though, when some o

-In this episode: Warble begins his address by promising the crowd that they are about to witness history in the making, a moment they will long remember and recount to their progeny. Their life will change for the better, because Warble will make available to them (a

-In this episode: Warble prepares for the news conference announcing his new company by duding himself up in outlandish clothing. Dressed in such a way, Mary refuses to be seen in his presence, and tells Warble she will monitor the coverage by staying home and watchin

-In this episode: Warble dives headlong into the work of building his business. He spends all day every day working out the business plan and polishing the speech he will give at a news conference unveiling his new service. He dreams (both literally and figuratively)

-In this episode: For reasons only Warble could explain (and does), he decides to settle in Coeur d' Alene, Idaho. His next attempt at fame and fortune is founding a company named BioTrans, which will provide what Warble terms "personality transplants." Mary

-In this episode: Before reaching Eureka, Warble is scared away by giant status of Paul Bunyan and Babe on the side of the road. He takes these as signs meant for him that he will be killed in his sleep, sawn asunder like a log in a lumber mill, if he stays in Eureka.

-In this episode: As a result of his PR skills (and with Billy's able help), Warble as the Color-Blind Chameleon gets many endorsement contracts. He "blows it," though, when he disses one of the products when he thinks nobody is watching or recording him. Th

-In this episode: Warble decides he needs a sidekick, but gives no consideration to Mary as such. He advertises in the paper for "The Bullfrog." He finally hires Billy Bufferchunks, and explains to him that, while there might be some danger involved, his job

-In this episode: Warble sets up his first "photo op" as the Color-Blind Chameleon: he hires a local unemployed man to mug Mary, who Warble tells him is a British spy aiming to force Americans to switch from coffee to tea. Warble double-crosses the man, thou

-In this episode: When Mary awakens the next morning, she finds a strange note on the pillow left by Warble, who has signed it "The Color-Blind Chameleon." After stealing her biscuit, he explains to her the meaning of this "silly" name.

-In this episode: Mary gets curious about Warble's next plan, and demands to know what it is. Instead of telling her, though, he just tells her how great it's going to be--so great that he's afraid to tell her while he's driving, because she might get so excited that

-In this episode: Stopping in Reno for the night, Warble gambles away his money at the blackjack and craps tables. Blaming this turn of events on his "lucky candy," Warble destroys his "good luck charm." Trying to prevent Mary from finding out they

-In this episode: As Warble leaves the convention center, he is attacked by two cowboys whose mothers work for the company who makes the cookies Warble was railing against. They force him to drop the lawsuit, eat a package of the cookies, and say he likes them. When h

-In this episode: Warble books the convention center in Helena for a "Take Back the Cookies" rally, firing up the crowd with emotional music and a rousing speech about mothers and apple pies and such. After working the crowd to a fever pitch, Warble requests

-In this episode: Warble can't stand a wallet so packed full of bills that it won't close easily, so goes looking for things to buy at the grocery store. He practically has a conniption fit when he discovers some so-called "homestyle" cookies that are obviou

-In this episode: Warble and Mary head toward East Helena, Montana, to the house of an old school chum of Warble's, Jim Gnastix. Warble bores Mary with some phony stories about Dodge City, Kansas, but manages to make things a little more interesting in Butte, Montana.

-In this episode: Warble predicts the end of privacy, and considers that a "good thing" and himself a hero of this new way of living for instituting the cameras in federal penitentiaries. Warble's paranoia gets the better of him again, though, when he thinks

-In this episode: His tongue loosened by beer and wine and the harmless appearance of the Sisters, Warble divulges over dinner his plan to his newfound friends, the Sisters: a reality tv show about the inmates of federal penitentiaries that he will call "Bad Boyz

-In this episode: While shopping, Warble is targeted by a con man named Dokie Sister and his wife Sylvia, a former nun. Because of the "top shelf" items Warble is purchasing, Dokie deduces that Warble has some money to spend. By means of his disarming down-h

-In this episode: Heading on to Bethany, Oklahoma, Warble explains to Mary why they are going there of all places: because there is nothing there, and nobody would expect "the inventive genius of the era" to be found there. In other words, it's a perfect hid

-In this episode: Approaching Hannibal, Missouri, Warble tells Mary about the history of the town: it's where "Betty" Ross hailed from, who after the Civil War married Davy "Crocker" and started a cake-mix company. He also claims John Steinbeck was

-In this episode: The McGorkles head for Bethany, Oklahoma, a suburb of Oklahoma City. On the way, Warble tells Mary all about the origins of Little League; a battle between the forces of Charlemagne and Genghis Khan that was fought in Indiana; and a gang of desperado

-In this episode: Warble and Mary make a hasty retreat from New York. On the way to their car, though (leaving through a side entrance so they're not spotted by the hotel staff), Warble sees a bum who he thinks is a former football player who aims to throw him in the

-In this episode: Warble begins his new job, and takes to it like a duck to water--he relishes firing people (plus he gets perques and bonuses when he does), and also putting job applicants through a humiliating gauntlet of singing, dancing, and telling about their mo

-In this episode: The McGorkles arrive at the home of Morley Moore, "Terror of the Seven Seas" (Warble's old merchant marine ship captain, who is now a "captain of commerce," as Warble puts it. Morley hires Warble as his 'right hand man.' Warble wi

-In this episode: Warble and Mary travel to the Statue of Liberty, where Warble first pressures Mary into climbing the steps but then, after he tires out after the 39th one, wimps out and turns back, blaming it on Mary. They then visit the Empire State Building, where

-In this episode: Warble tells Mary about the origin of the Holland Tunnel and explains how Vincent Van Gogh (who he claims was a plumber) and his roommate and buddy Phil Gauguin used to walk from Greenwich Village to Coney Island each day to eat Nathan's hot dogs.

-In this episode: It seems Warble is the prime suspect in an incident at Camden Yards (where the Baltimore Orioles play) where an old lady is injured after tripping and falling down some steps. After a stadium beer vendor returns to his tray of beverages after helping

-In this episode: In the middle of his song, "The Honey Bun Barrel Hating Polka," Warble sees a menacing-looking man in the audience. Assuming he has been sent by the "Music Mafia" to put an end to his world-beating song that will ruin the business

-In this episode: The Cascading Upd8s make their debut performance at the VFW Hall in downtown St. Augustine. As it is a "slow news day," the local television station shows up, and Warble exults in the belief that they are being beamed via satellite to every

-In this episode: Warble names his band, the Cascading Upd8s, and instructs them on what their 'look' and persona is to be. Warble, as the front man, will be the most provocative, as he plans to pierce his cheek, dye his hair invisible, and get a rather verbose tattoo

-In this episode: Warble assembles his band, starting with another old merchant marine shipmate, guitarist Earlybird Fortitude. He locates some local skaters who happen to play guitar, bass, and drums (namely Plaster O'Paris, Comma Cozzi, and Kat Atomic). Finally, he

-In this episode: After suffering insomnia, Warble has a dream that gives him an idea for a way to make some money: take up the accordian and start a Polka-Punk band.

-In this episode: Warble and Mary pay a visit to 'Ripley's Believe It Or Not' in downtown St. Augustine, and get in an argument over whether they should (believe it or not).

-In this episode: After arriving in historic St. Augustine, Florida, Warble traipses off in search of the Fountain of Youth. He comes across a Wilford Brimley lookalike and then, while posing and imagining himself as a department store catalog model, attracts the atte

-In this episode: On their way to Florida, Warble explains why they don't need a local license plate, as they did when they went to Louisiana, and expounds on how Georgia and Florida are really the same state. The McGorkles then get into an argument on whether they sh

-In this episode: The letter from the International Nut Company arrrives--sans check! As Warble reads that he has not only been denied any more funds, but also threatened with a lawsuit, he faints. His wife and friend Bob drag him out to the front lawn, and Bob wakes

-In this episode: After impatiently waiting several days, International Nut Company's response to Warble's demand for a big refund arrives. They do indeed send a check, but also demand he purchase no more of their product. This ignites a fire if indignation under Warb

-In this episode: Before leaving PriceBiz, Warble has his "mug shot" taken by a bored associate who disregards Warble's protestations about having his spirit stolen from him if she takes his picture and who has never heard of Paul McCartney.

-In this episode: Warble goes to the local PriceBiz super warehouse to purchase as many International Nut Company peanuts as he can. He manages to irritate a PriceBiz "associate" and ends up slipping on an unleashed river of anti-freeze into a bank of tires