The Zany Time Travels of Warble McGorkle

-In this episode: Comfy Stolen, Arodnap salesman, prevents Mary from destroying the Arodnap. Leaving the way open for a sequel (the third installment of the "Warble McGorkle trilogy"), Mary persuades Warble to this time go forward, not backward, in time.

-In this episode: After Warble is handcuffed, he sends Mary a "Morse code message" (by winking with his eyes), and she dashes to the Arodnap to "undo" all the mischief they have perpetrated, in order to get Warble out of his fix. After successfully

-In this episode: Warble and his troupe arrive back home, only to see that the world has changed drastically. Warble sees no problem, but his wife is devastated on seeing the way the environment has suffered from Warble's meddlings. Then, a pair of police officers app

-In this episode: The end results of Warble's fooling around at Woodstock are summarized, and he then reluctantly agrees to return to the group's point of departure: Oconomowoc, Wisconsin, in 2009.

-In this episode: Warble talks about Polled Herefords (who determined the course of commerce) and goes into a related Rumsfield-esque explanation about donuts. Warble then gets the musicians to play "hawkish" music, encouraging all to give up the peace movem

-In this episode: Warble takes his employees, wife, and Arodnap salesman and mechanic along to Woodstock in 1969. Warble waxes poetic about violence, propoganda, and "superliminal" messages.

-In this episode: Judas readily agrees to accompany our band of misfits back to the 21st Century (Warble promises him swimming pools, movie starlets, and mansions - all of which he has to describe to Judas, who has never heard of any of them). Warble instructs Judas i

-In this episode: For once, Warble's traveling companions put their foot down and will not allow him to kidnap Jesus. After sulking for awhile, Warble decides to "follow tradition and settle for an imposter" - namely Judas.

-In this episode: For their only trip outside the United States, and the one furthest back in time, Warble and his crew go to Jerusalem, 29 C.E./A.D. Warble's plan? To kidnap Jesus, and bring him forward in time to run for President of the United States.

-In this episode: After hiring Mexicans (from whom he wants to keep "his" water) to do the actual work on the dam projects, Warble schleps his companions along on a trip to Plymouth, Massachusetts, to convince the "founding fathers and mothers" to

-In this episode: Arriving in St. Louis, Missouri, in 1913, at the confluence of the Missouri and Mississippi Rivers, Warble delineates his plan to impound all the waters in the country for the benefit of himself and the other citizens of what he says will henceforth

-In this episode: In a rare moment of magnanimity, Warble congratulates Jacques LaRue, his personal fitness trainer, for bringing to mind thoughts of water -- which gives him the idea to "arrest" all the water and retain it for the sole use of his fellow con

-In this episode: At the point of the nightmare where Mary is about to be executed, Warble is awakened by a bucketfull of cold water (his entourage had seen the need for such by his frenzied flailing about and high-pitched wailing). He immediately forgets the nightmar

-In this episode: Warble has a nightmare, wherein he and his wife Mary are back home (in their accustomed time and space/area), and they are destitute. Even worse, Mary is about to be murdered by some "euthenizing sportsmen" engaged in a government-sponsored

-In this episode: Warble threatens to fire Albert. Albert reminds Warble that he does not work for him. Nevertheless, the threats continue, to both Albert and his dog. Then, Warble drifts into sleep.

-In this episode: Selecting Minnie Pearl as his model, Warble tells his troupe that he intends to give everything in the world a price tag: both animate and inanimate things, regardless of whether they are sunrises, sunsets, Haiku poetry, fish-finders, or anything els

-In this episode: Warble boasts about his accomplishments so far, and then decides to create one world currency (the dollar). Albert Joad's dog Taterskin prances around the group, and both Warble and Albert are wrong about why the dog seems so energized and happy.

-In this episode: Warble and his gang go to Boston, Massachusetts, 1980 to put a stop to Keith "McHank" and "Food Not Bombs." He decides to criminalize the giving away of food, unless the parties first pay $3.14 billions to do so.

-In this episode: Warble pictures himself immortalized on Mount Rushmore -- whether that means that "one of the other geezers" will have to come down, or "they have to add on to the mountain." He tells more "stretchers" and outright lies

-In this episode: Warble decides to take on the person he considers to be the most dangerous to the United States and its way of life: Keith McHenry, the founder of "Food Not Bombs"

-In this episode: Warble continues with his version of what happened at Custer's Last Stand, including Dustin Hoffman and Regis Philbin in the tale.

-In this episode: Warble crash-lands on the banks of the Greasy Grass River, and an argument ensues. Once Warble quells the near-mutiny, he tells his version of what happened with Sitting Bull, George "Strongarm" Custer, and "Mad Cow" (Crazy Horse)

-In this episode: Warble marches his crew back to the Arodnap, "Marine style," having them "sound off" while following him. By means of an off-the-cuff tone-poem, Warble lets them know where they are heading next: 1876 Montana (Custer's Last Stand)

-In this episode: A "team building exercise" is initiated by Warble - -a date fight. Jacques, being an athlete and adept at throwing things accurately, wins, but Warble gives him an ultimatum: Admit that Warble actually won, or take a cut in pay.

-In this episode: Warble relates how beneficial his planned International Fig Line will be, allowing people to walk all the way around the world naked. He explains how they will dispose of the dates from the ripped-out date palms: throw them into the Saar Chasm, which

-In this episode: Warble informs his crew that their new location on the Gilbert Islands is where the Internation Date Line originates, and determines to replace it with the International Fig Line -- claiming that the line of Date trees emanating from there will turn

-In this episode: After basking in the glow of saving the world from the enervating effect of the color yellow, Warble plans his next bit of mischief and decides on going to the Gilbert Islands in Kiribati in 1492.

-In this episode: Warble follows through with his diabolical plan to embarrass the erstwhile athletes by proclaiming: "It's a Good Day to Dye!" and then dying their follicles in colors and patterns not even Dennis Rodman would approve of. The pitiable trio a

-In this episode: Reversing his tactics, Warble feeds the captured trio their choice of "Ice" (Italian Ice). He expounds on the origin on the Italian Ice Age, Italian Sauce Age, etc., before coming up with another idea for torturing Tony, Orlando, and Don: D

-In this episode: Warble has his security expert, Marianne Trieste-Trench, "soften up" the kidnapped trio by a form of torture: reading to them the entire Constitution (including the Preamble and "Postamble"), the Gettysburg Address, the Enron Corp

-In this episode: Warble has Tony, Orlando, and Don shrunk with the MC/D and stores them in a Coricidrin bottle until they get to their "hideout," a rented mini-storage unit.

-In this episode: Warble and the gang spot Tony, Orlando, and Don golfing in Philadelphia, and Warble devises a plan to kidnap and shrink them using the MC/D (Material Compressor/Decompressor).

-In this episode: Warble informs his people that their next stop in history will be 1976, where they must put a stop to the "yellowing of America" caused by Tony, Orlando, and Don (Conigliaro, Cepeda, and Mattingly) when they performed "Tie a Yellow Rib

-In this episode: Warble sets things up so that it will be easy for the Mexicans to win at San Jacinto, and thus get "saddled" with Texas - he has "his" man build a bridge, supply stacks of "carte blanche" green cards, and posts signs po

-In this episode: The victorious Texicans celebrate their victory with a party, where they drink Texas tea and dance the Texas two-step. Ward Robespierre, who had fallen off the Alamo, is found by Warble sleeping at the foot of the wall, his fall having been broken b

-In this episode: Bowled over by Texas-sized donuts raining from the sky, the Mexicans retreat, calling on their band, the Tijuana Brass, to play "Spanish Flea" as they go.

-In this episode: The Mexicans attack, and the Texicans fire on them with pungent chili. Warble experiences a "wardrobe malfunction" as the heel of his boot is blown off by a Mexican teeny-meeny ball (Mexico's answer to the minie ball) while he is dancing a

-In this episode: We meet several other interesting characters at the Alamo, such as Tanglefoot Popskull, Flapjack Wormcastle, Zanzibar Ricochet, and Willie Nelson Miles Standish. Warble presses them into service cooking chili and frying donuts -- to be used as ammo a

-In this episode: Warble and his gang travel to 1836 Texas - -to the Alamo, and meet Davy Crockett, William Travis, and Jim Bridger.

-In this episode: Warble tracks down George Washington, yanks off his wig, saws a piece of one of his wooden teeth off, and sends him back to England on a pea-green ship bound for Newcastle filled with coal.

-In this episode: Warble recounts all the tragedies of history that can be laid at the feet of George Washington because of people forgetting things (because they didn't have an elephant assistant to remind them). Among other things (according to Warble), the Spanish

-In this episode: Warble explains how we would all have PPAs (Personal Pachyderm Assistants) if not for George Washington, and how grand life would have been had we all had one.

-In this episode: Warble tells of the Great Peanut Wars of Old Europe, and how George Washington's inventing the peanut caused all the Elephants of the American Plains to starve, once humans acquired a taste for them (peanuts, not elephants).

-In this episode: Warble contends that George Washington invented the peanut, which brought on all sorts of problems, such as "Peanut Envy." He also explains what the "Wide man's burden" is.

-In this episode: Warble shrinks the Helphino with the MC/D (Material Compressor/Decompressor) and places it in the Arodnap's trunk. He then informs his traveling companions that they must now go back to 1776 to evict a traitor (George Washington!) from the country.

-In this episode: Warble returns from his trip to the exotic pet store with an additional animal--a Helephino, which is part Hyena, part Elephant, and part Rhino. He also tells his entourage a wacky tale about the elephants of the American Plains.

-In this episode: On arriving in Silver Spring, Maryland, Warble assigns each of his employees (and Comfy and Albert, too) to fan out and buy all the birds they can from every pet store in town--he wants to inundate Rachel Carson's neighborhood, and more particularly

-In this episode: After bribing the rulesmakers to institute his Preemptive Strike Rule in baseball, Warble turns his attention to the next item on his agenda: Preventing Rachel Carson (who he thinks is Johnny's daughter) from writing "Silent Spring."

-In this episode: On arrival in Cooperstown, it is found that, indeed, the Arodnap prototype is not quite ready for "prime time" yet: Albert's puppy Taterskin has changed into a full-grown Labrador Retriever.

-In this episode: We learn more about the Arodnap, specifically its After Burner Switch and its speed (Mach Pi, which is explained in great detail by the Arodnap mechanic, Albert Joad).

-In this episode: Warble sings his own idiosyncratic ("idiot-synchronized"?) version of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and explains the historical significance of Atlanta Braves fans doing "The Wave"