After We Take Out The Garbage

So here we are. What has it been? A year and a half? So much has changed... but who cares! We're too interested in talking to our friends Patrick and Summer, dang it! Before they decide to make their foray into podcast land with their upcoming production "Birds Talk Biology," we make them wade into our own little swamp of idle chit chat. Hold on to your straw hats, because we kick around the scuttlebutt about moving to Iowa, having tattoos, and not being able to go on vacations. If you've been missing us, then here we are - ready to invade your speakers! If not, then take a chill pill. At least there are two other interesting voices you can pay attention to.

It's our first episode of Season 5?!? What about the last 6 months?? Nope nope nope - it's like they didn't even exist! Just listen and we sort of lazily explain ourselves. But the real topic of the day: MONEY. Cardi B was right when she said it. She was also right when she said a ho never gets cold. But down to brass tax. This episode is full of scrilla talk. Powerballin', separate accounts, and a brand new Cricut machine for instance. Depending on who you are, that last one might be a clincher or a deal-breaker. Welcome to 2019 three months late.

Short description, long podcast: this is *another* late post, buttt... Low and behold we happened to have our friend Israel from The Other Brew over. (Side note, listen to The Other Brew!) We play games and ignore our topic like good podcasters. At least there are some good Hayley-made sound effects.

Imagine you are in a pile of mulch. Now imagine crawling out of the mulch and getting covered in splinters. You look like Groot... But now you're one of many topics of conversation of tonight's podcast! Erica and Ian join for a foursome of levity and frivolity. But we don't use words like "levity" or "frivolity". We use words like "cats" and "beer". And we talk about Dad jams. Hey, while I'm thinking of it: tell your dads about this episode. That's all.

Not sure what to say here. The title pretty much says it all. We've got our pal Jon and a special visit from our old friend Ted. Also a surprise visit from... Well you just have to hear him to understand. There is some good art discussion as well as a dive into the documentary Minding the Gap. The rest of the episode? Complete anarchy. Wear your diapers for this one.

It's been too long, eh? How long, you ask? Well long enough for Hollywood to spit out a great documentary entitled "Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom". We chirpchort like a gaggle of Camptosauruses in a Late Cretaceous therapod nest about it with our good friends Ben and Suzy. If you still need convincing as to why this episode is a gem, just know that we made notes on a board and even read them. Dad line for the day: don't miss this episode before it goes extinct!

Girl talk episode. No guests, just a couple of gabbie gals chattin' it up at a desk. Two mics. A couple... well you know the drill. Apparently this episode was brought to you by Slim Jims, Birch Box, and Glade? I'm sure they would be happy to know their products are being put to good use. Especially Glade. Shout out to siblings and awkward situations tonight. We'll be thinking about all your unmade sick faces until next time.

So this was a random podcast we recorded a couple weeks ago with some of our besties. And if there's one thing you will learn here, the more you know about Hayley the more you know about Marsha. But you'll also learn about Dan. He played in with in the dirt with rocks and sticks as a kid. Actually you'll learn other things too like: Donatello does machines, Joss Whedon always understands, and you should always snot rocket into your beer. Use this knowledge wisely. You'll be an Einstein in the time it takes Hayley to pee.

You didn't think we could do it, but we did it. Today is Mail Day at AWTOTG - three guests, one mail carrier. Not to mention a brown. Just plain disgusting if ya ask me. We hardly even broke topic! In our world that's sort of its own sin, but the mail is weirdly interesting. Oh yeah, I didn't give you the impression that we received or answered listener mail, did I? Just get your slots ready for some sweet ear messages. This episode is worth a K-loader-full of overnighted parcels.

Ok, so I know we always say that we ignore our weekly topics, but man! We seriously ignored the hell out of our topic this week. I will say we did enjoy the company of... each other. And what to say about St. Patrick's Day weekend? Well nothing apparently, because we didn't talk about that either! We do hit all the feels though: Galaxy feelings, feelings against Reeseez Pieceez and his feces, and feeling the levels of Nick Jonas' love. This episode plays like a Woody Allen movie. A weirdly assembled cast who all act like Woody Allen directed by a paedo. You know, but only one of those things.

Turn us up. Turn us out. But don't turn us on. Or don't turn us off. Because we are turned on. Or... Yeah. This week features sexbots, mistaking men for ladies, a comparison of the hottest instruments (helpful tip: no flutes allowed), and probably way too much butt talk. As you listen try to control yourself, because we may be too hot to handle. Or for you classical flute players: too hot to Handel. Yeah I'm done.

Cats are great and cats are fine. Cats are my favorite valentine. You may think that they are furry, but you'd better pet them in a hurry. If you don't, they will meow. Check out this sweet episode now. P.S. This is a late Valentine's Day episode. It's about cats. And you might learn to punch a bitch.

It's a new year and we have a new laziness about putting up our podcasts. Just kidding. We've always been lazy about putting up our 'sodes. Well, this is a new year, new season, and... new guest! Kevin is our favorite barista at Larry's Parkit, and he delivers the goods. We talk about farts and stuff. But hey: speaking of a new (old) lazy for the new year, I'm just gonna call this episode description done-zo! Happy late new year and here's to a new season of garbage and ignoring topics!

Hey, we actually decided to talk about garbage on our podcast entitled "After We Take Out the Garbage"!! What happens now? Do we implode? Do we turn into human piles of trash? Do we devolve into a blathering group of siren impersonators? You'll never know unless you listen. But can we all agree on a few things here? Cat pee trumps rat pee, leaves are stupid, and turkeys are jerks. There, I said it. We all thought it. That's what we're here for.

Hello. It's been a minute, but we're back and ready to rumble. We're going zero to crunk in less than 60 minutes. We're making dreams come true like a first boob touch. You get the idea. "What is so special that you had to wake me from my podcast apathy?" you ask. Well our good friends Steve and Kristyn obviously! Steve is the founder and active expert of Chicago Retro Gamer (www.ChicagoRetroGamer.com), and Kristyn is a karaoke superstar who is basically besties with Dave Grohl. Just listen. This one goes down like a good whiskey soul burn.

Tacos. Sleek, sexy, and elegantly designed for your pleasure. We'll make this short and sweet. This episode's got taco-talk, death, and beer. And it's all on the web just for you! Hot chachacha!!

Not just one Eric, but TWO Erics. Imagine the possibilities. Now stop imagining and listen! Unless you're trying to taste of course. Because that's a thing. This episode is heavy on beer and booze talk so we may have broken the record for longest Good For The Gut segment. Trust me though: it's worth it. During the course of this episode you may catch a red beard infection or you may pop a relaxation boner. Two things that will impress two Erics - or at least not scare them off, because we're looking at a possible AWTOTG Gunpowder Edition in the future! ...The end or To Be Continued??

Holy crap Wisconsin has some cold, wet holes. And we entered one! This episode is a real learning experience. Learn about your body's cleavage. Learn things about Hayley that are TMI. Learn about how your greasy ass nose can save your beer. But most importantly learn to love yourself. Just kidding. Learn to love octopi. But fuck turkeys. If this doesn't entice you, just know that if you stick around 'til the end you will hear the best joke. Or at least it'll be good enough to impress your friends.

Stop everything you're doing and listen to this episode! And do it like it's your... HOBBY. Get it? Because that's the topic tonight! If you've been listening for the last couple of years, you might remember our friends "picture-y" Chris and "cheesy" Ryan. Well they're back to talk disc golf, gambling priests, poopervisors, and nacho bowling. During the course of this episode you will find yourself feeling sexy, hungry, awkward, and of course sexy again. You might even find yourself inspired by the end.

So this podcast is a whopping 2 weeks late! Sorry... we were dealing with the fallout of the Great Basement Flood of 2017 in the interim. Don't you worry though. This one features returning friend Bill as well as new friends Jon and Matt. We talk Cloverfield, Myspace, mosquitos, and other riveting topics. You might say you'll get your $8.99's worth listening to this episode. Just don't sit around any exposed film. We wouldn't want burning up or anything... Although this episode is already smoking hot! Sorry about that. But don't you want to know why Bill says, "Poor little doggie. Doesn't have her flower?"

It's [after, but recorded before] the 4th of July!! And you know what that means. When you're here, you're family! I ain't talkin' 'bout no Olive Garden. I'm talkin' 'bout a cousin roundtable. Cousins who come from the mean streets of... San Diego, Portland, and Cherry Valley. You, my friend, do not have to subject yourself to your fears tonight. Disregard your night frights and hatred of cults. You're going to step out onto the mezzanine, give yourself a milk bath, and listen to this podcast. If you ask me, it can be enjoyed like a European 6-course meal or like a lonely Paris dinner. Either way you win.

Fly freaky foursome Friday! Just kidding. We recorded this on a Thursday. And that's all I have to say about this episode, because after this one there are no more words...

"I love Orgy... the band." - Literally the (almost) opening words to the episode. Why would you not listen? So this episode turned into a reminiscing of X-Files for a while, but with our friends Jon and Bill, it's wayyy awesome. We get down and dirty with the memories without even turning our rotary dials or flipping through an Encyclopedia Brittanica. But, you know, just come and learn the how's: how to eat grapefruit, how to refer to carbonated beverages, and how to spell words that you'll never use. Special TRL mention toward the end. Our treat to you.

Special guest alert!! Bet you can't guess his name by this title. Yeah, okay. It's Liam. We sit on the precipice of the black hole that is Rockford, get into our vessel, and time travel back to ye good old days. And by the way, one of us is wearing pizza. Obviously, this makes one of us the winner of the podcast. But I digress... Liam - from Hotshitshotglassworks - brings us into the world of glassworking, and it is legitimately fascinating to hear about and look at (and use if you're so inclined). So if you don't want us to personally come to your house and flick tiny paper bullets at you, you'll listen. Besides, Hayley finishes her beer before Dave so you'll hear that miracle take place.

...Featuring Eric & Rachel Johnson! What what! So imagine you're floating in a sea of Benedict Cumberbatches. You ponder what moniker to replace your name with but stop to have a Lawnmower Saison on the way. All of a sudden Ke$ha is out the gate presuming to goad you into some midnight Uncle Nick's. You stop into the bathroom to expel your limejuice pee and wake up to find that you're actually in a gum tree. And you're Britney. Bitch. ...And that's the episode!

There are precious few miracles in this world. Tonight we ignore those miracles and talk about, well... just look at this episode's title. So about poop - can anybody help us figure out what the deal is with the guy's power hour vs. the girl's 3-sentence poop? I suppose as always women poop on Venus, men poop on Mars. And lookie here: we've got Double-O Davelicious, Six-cereal-bowl Hayley, and Halloween-moving Staci to speak on the matter. Come poop with us. And while you're at it, we might want your children for a future episode. Give us your children for the sake of garbage.