Mart's World Podcast

This week, Chris, Carl and myself discuss modern technology and social media.  We really don't need our washing machine to have 200 different settings. And Facebook has it's good and bad points. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

I'm appalled at an article I read in the news this week that some of the top British companies have been warned that they do not have enough women in high ranking positions. And that they should hire more women to balance things out. This is entirely discriminatory towards men. I would employ the best people for the roles regardless of what gender they are. If they are all women or all men, then so be it. What a load of utter nonsense. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

In this episode, I have Carl on the phone to discuss something I saw on Twitter yesterday. There was a video showing a pub full of people enjoying themselves in Ireland and a lot of care workers and nursing staff were getting quite upset about it. They are working around the clock trying to contain and deal with the Coronavirus and yet people are ignoring the governments' advice regarding social distancing. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcas

I'm really annoyed at my mates attitude towards other people. The government are advising that if you have a fever or a persistent cough to self isolate for a week. He's got a terrible cough but is going to continue to go to work. How can anyone be so selfish? Italy is in lockdown and they've advised people to self isolate. And if you don't you may get fined or face criminal charges. Good! Lock them all up to save us decent people. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

I went to seven differet shops trying to find some of that sanitizer gel in a little plastic bottle that I can keep in my pocket to protect myself from all the dirty bastards that don't wash their hands after using the toilet. What is wrong with people? This is why people end up getting ill and catching colds and influenza. And you thought vegans were awful people. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

So Tommy Robinson has been arrested for assaulting a guy at Centre Parks. But there's more to this than meets the eye. The British press didn't report that he was trying to detain someone who had allegedly asaulted his 8 year old daughter. Then there's Tommy's idiot supporters claiming that he was arrested for detaining an immigrant Pedo. They have no idea if he was an immigrant or not and the guy is innocent until proven guilty. However, he sounds guilty to me. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

Chris is upset that he can't afford to save for a house at the same time as paying rent. Carl and I try to put him straight but as usual Chris won't listen. He's adamant that it's all the fault of the banks and the government.  We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

It's me, Carl and Chris again this week. We discuss movies. I think they should have stopped after the first three Star Wars movies. Also I look a good musical. Hugh Jackman is a superb singist and is amazing in whatever movie he's in. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

Chris, Carl and I discuss the Coronavirus which allegedly came about because some Chinese people ate raw bats. We also discuss who will be the next American President. Kanye has dropped out. That nice Mr Trump may win again. He only had to beat the devil last time (Hilary) but this year he may have more competition. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

Chris is back! So this week I expain to him and Carl about my recent alien abduction in the middle of the night where I woke up with the back of my hand stinging and a chunk taken out of it. And from that moment on, the Basal Cell Carcinoma that I had on my nose got smaller and smaller and has now practically disappeared. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

It's just me and Carl this week and we discuss the fact that the US Navy have finally admitted that UFO's are a real thing. We also talk about going to Mars. Im not going as I'll just moan about everything all the way there and probably get thrown out of an air lock by my colleagues. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

This week Carl and I discuss the Iran Vs USA crisis but eventually realise we can't fix it. So we move on to the growing problem of the expanding global population. Carl has got this one properly sorted. Gladitorial games for prisoners. Throw 20 of them into the ring at a time and the last man standing gets to live a normal prisoner life locked up in a cell as his reward. This will save 95% of the cost of keeping prisoners and cut down on the population. The TV rights would also bring in an enormous cash boost for the National Health Service and education. Vegans will just be thrown to the lions as they wouldn't be able to put up much of an entertaining fight, as well as pedo's, because they're...well, pedo's.  We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

This week Carl and I discuss New Year's resolutions and our impending failures. We also chat about the movie awards ceremonies gong on at this time of year. I don't really watch them anymore since these pampered celebrities started using them as an opportunity to criticise that lovely Mr Trump. Let's talk about movie successes, not politics. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

Carl and I discuss Invasion Planet Earth which is a new sci-fi movie written and produced by Simon Cox. Its the best terrible movie we have ever seen. Initially I thought it was terrible but that's because I'd previously been watching big budget Hollywood movies. However although this has been a 17 year project for Simon, produced on a low crowdfunded budget, it's actually a hell of an achievement. We have both now become big fans of this movie and are buying the merchandise to show our support. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast  

It's just me, Chris and Carl today and this a bit more serious than the normal podcast. We live in the UK and all agree that the National Health Service is a wonderful thing, but it's massively underfunded and failing miserably.  We don't think it should really be run by a private company otherwise it will be all about profits and we'll end up with a system like the Americans have where only the wealthy can get proper treatment. However, we do agree that corporate sponsorships could be the way to go.  We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

Laura would pimp out her kids for the money. Yes it's true! Me, Carl and Chris chat to Laura about prostitution. She would quite happily help her children have a career in prostitution if that's what they wanted to do. I asked the question 'What if they were munters and too ugly to be prostitutes?' Laura explained that if that were the case then they would have to study to become scientists and doctors. This obviously means that you would only work in the science field if you were too ugly to be a prostitute. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

It's me, Laura, Chris and Carl this week. I get a bit arsey about everyone on Twitter getting offended over absolutely anything. It's ridiculous! There was outrage because Dirty Don (Trump) used the word 'lynching'. People were listing names of black people that were lynched back in the 1900's. And Paul Hollywood got shouted at for referring to a pile of iced buns as 'diabetes on a plate'. What the hell is wrong with people? At this rate nobody will want to say anything for fear of offending these idiots. Let them take offence I say. It's their problem if they insist on interpreting words into a completely different context just to get attention for themselves. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast  

Well this is a weird one. Me, Carl, Chris and Laura start off the conversation talking about conspiracy theories and how the American government killed their own people. We ended up trying to educate Chris that it's not ok to stand naked in the window, even if it is in your own house. Chris is adamant that he should be able to do what he wants in the privacy of his own home. We agree but if he keeps the curtains open whilst exposing his bits then it's not private any more. As usual he's heavily outnumbered. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

Carl, Chris and me talk about irrational fears. Do they make sense? Can we do anything about them? Both Carl and I are terrified of spiders. Carl tells us how he recently found one in the sink and went off to boil the kettle to give it a hot bath. And what about heights? Should be be scared of heights if we descended from primates and spent our early years climbing trees? We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

It's just me Chris and Carl this week and we talk about animal testing. Should it be allowed? What's the alternative? We all seemed to agree that we could stop testing on animals and start testing on prisoners convicted of awful crimes. And before the snowflakes get all triggered about human rights, if someone shows no respect for another persons human rights then they don't deserve to have any themselves. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

It's a full house today. Me, Carl, Chris and Laura talk about addictions. There's a guy in America (of course) that's addicted to plastic surgery. He's had all his face done as well as shoulder implants, pectoral implants and who knows what else. He looks ridiculous!.  Are any addictions good for you? Well possibly going to the gym and working out is, for health reasons, but as soon as piling on muscle becomes an addiction that can lead to all sorts of dangerous things such as taking steroids. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

Me, Carl and Laura are in the studio and Chris phones in from Her Majesty's Prison Belmarsh to give his opinion on the latest movie version of Aladdin.  Us normals thought it was a good film but the snowflake didn't like it. Considering it was directed by Guy Ritchie I was expecting lots of swearing, crazy Russians and an assortment of pikeys. However, it turned out to be good old family fun. What a let down. Maybe Tarantino should direct the next Disney classic. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

Laura, Carl and myself discuss cults. What's the attraction? Are people looking for somewhere to belong? It's a strange topic. Carl talks about Jonestown and the 918 people that died. Some were murdered and some committed suicide. About a third of that number were children. How would you go about even starting a cult? Adverts in the paper? Recruitment drive? Or just preying on lost and vulnerable people? We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

Me, Carl and Laura discuss equality in all it's shapes and forms. But specifically in the workplace. I have to agree that if ten people are doing exactly the same role then they should be paid exactly the same wage, regardless of whether they are men, women, black, white, disabled or a dwarf. Although the dwarf wouldn't really need as much money as they probably eat less and need smaller houses. I do have a strong opinion on men becoming women and then competing in women's sports. That's just ludicrous. Eventually we decide that men are much better at things than women. Or, I may have made that bit up. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

It's me Carl and Laura again. Carl wants to talk about what's happening with our online data. We've all seen that documentary 'The Great Hack' where Cambridge Analytica helped themselves to everyone's data via Facebook. How did they get away with it for so long? But what's more worrying is how much power all that data gave them. They were running successful campaigns and basically brainwashing people to make certain decision, which is how we ended up with Trump. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

So today me, Carl and our new co-host Laura talk about destiny and free will. Are our lives already planned out or are they affected by the decisions we make? Personally I can't see how it can just be either one or the other. Surely it has to be a mixture of both, but the only way that makes any sense is if we are living in a simulation where the parameters are set and we just make small adjustments ourselves. I didn't really want to go down the 'living in a simulation' rabbit hole again but how else would it work? We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

I had a question for Carl and Chris this week. What would they do if they came outside in the morning and there was a bloody great big spaceship just parked there in the sky. You know, like the beginning of Independence Day. Carl is arming himself to the teeth and going into full Rambo mode. Chris would just be gobsmacked and I'd be pointing in everyone's face shouting 'See, I told you!'. In all seriousness though I think society would fall to pieces instantly with everyone panicking. Nobody would go to work. There'd be mass looting in all the supermarkets for all the essentials because as we know from previous disasters everyone has meals of bread and milk in a crisis. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

This week Carl, Chris and I discuss whether serial killers are born bonkers or are they victims of their environment from a young age. Being a killer doesn't seem hereditary. Also we decide that University is a waste of time. Get a job and study part time. That's the only thing that makes sense to me. Though to be fair I did miss out on all those years of debauchery, drugs and alcohol so I don't really know what I've missed. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

This week, Carl, Chris and myself catch up on my latest doctor visits and results. We also talk about carrying weapons for self defence but Carl has no need for one as he's mainly the attacker in these situations but having a taser would be a great laugh at parties. And Chris has had 5 or 6 people recently telling him that he's giving off a gay vibe. Maybe our suspicions are correct. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

I'm not much help in this podcast. We talk about Brexit and the possibility of Bonking Boris becoming the new Prime Minister. And why not? America has their own comedy leader and Ukraine's next president is actually a real comedian.  Chris suggests we should be buddying up with the Chinese as they are likely to end up as the most powerful nation. I'll be ok then as I've spent a fortune in The Golden Bowl over the years. Not so much lately though. The portions are not as big as they used to be. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast    

Being the older one of the group, it was my generation that made a mess of Earth by burning  everything we could dig out of the ground and eating dolphins. In my defense though, we only did what we were told at the time. We were led to believe that plastics were the future and that smoking was cool. Chris is outraged (isn't he always?) to discover that Carl and I eat eggs from caged hens. He thinks chickens should have regular holidays, gym memberships and a pension plan.  That's all very well but the cost of all these luxuries is reflected in the price. Free range eggs cost twice as much. Chris isn't convinced but then again he's the one who pays people to mow his lawn, clean his windows and deliver his groceries.

I tell Carl and Chris about the busy week I've had. I've been to the doctor's twice. Had blood tests. Had an eyesight test. Went to a wedding party and a car boot sale. Of course we discuss all this in much more detail with some hilarious moments. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

Chris couldn't make it this week so I got Jemma and Carl on a Whatsapp group phone call. We talk about Donald Trump's first line of defence against the latest sexual assault accusation 'She's not my type'. Jemma tells us about a woman's self defence class she just attended where it turns out the most effective method is to just shit yourself under the premise that no attacker wants to deal with that. Also it seems that I may have bought a toilet seat for Prince Harry and his missus as they've just had their gaff spruced up costing £2,400,000. Yes that's 2.4 million pounds. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast    

I have two of those horrible yappy little dogs living next to me and sometimes they are out in the garden just barking for ages, for no apparent reason. However, they are just doing what dogs do. I blame the owners. Why are they letting this happen? Let's discipline the owners first so that they can learn to control their dogs. I'm all for an eagle breeding program in Wales to solve the issue of these annoying little tyrants. Once a couple of tiny barkers have been snatched, other owners will keep their dogs inside and away from us decent people. I'm also annoyed at those that don't clean up after their pets when out in public places. Carl suggested we pick up the poo for them and then throw it at the owners. That sounds like a great idea to me. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

Game of Thrones is finally over. Chris, Carl and myself discuss the whole series and especially season 8. I'm confused by the fact that the dragons did bugger all through the whole series and then suddenly, as if by magic, they can lay waste to everything in sight. It makes no sense. Also I thought the big battle with the White Walkers in episode 3 was pretty shit. The battle in episode 5 was much better, especially Cersei crying and getting crushed by rocks. My favourite scene was at the end of the last episode when they're all sitting around wondering who's going to be king. The dwarf is in handcuffs saying 'Don't pick me, I'll fuck it up'. Then they give the crown to the token disabled person. Ridiculous. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast I also wrote a Game of Thrones review on our Patreon page.

Chris is fed up of the standard James Bond and suggested that maybe a woman could be 007. Obviously that's ridiculous and we get into a heated debate about the whole thing. The remake of Ghostbusters featuring all women was a disaster. Writers should be writing new material for women and non white actors to show off their talents with an original idea. We also argue about traditions. Chris says that nobody is interested in traditions anymore. I point out that he's just got married.  We argued more in this episode than all the others put together. Carl found it all hilarious. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

This week we discuss marriage and what's the point of it. Does it still make sense to want to get married. This was Chris' choice of subject which was a bit dangerous as he's only just got married. We also brought up the bizarre stories of people marrying inanimate objects such as railway stations. Carl is quite concerned about this and thinks it's wrong that nobody is taking the railway station's feelings into consideration. I have a different view as the trains in the UK are nearly always late and I think the railway station has a big part to play in this so it's getting no sympathy from me. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

Me, Carl and Chris discuss if time travel is possible. Chris spent all day tomorrow thinking about this. We come to the conclusion that if one of us went back in time and killed Hitler it wouldn't change our history, but a new timeline would have been created from that point which would follow the death of evil Adolf. Also I may be the king of Namibia in another timeline which makes sense as I've always thought I'm a bit royal. We also discuss the Mandela effect. Pikachu never had a black tip on his tail and the word Kit Kat never had a hyphen between them. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

Its the usual trio of Mart, Carl and Chris. This week we tackle religion. I claim that the bible and other religious writings are the best evidence ever of alien visitations. Chris would like to be a Jedi and Carl gives his thoughts on Islam. There is also mention of Catholic priests and altar boys but that probably comes as no surprise to anyone. We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast

Today me, Carl and Chris have a bit of a catch up on the latest gossip. We chat about Game of Thrones and how Peter Dinklage sounds like a real human. And the Indian man that cut his finger off for pressing the wrong voting button in the Indian elections. We also discuss who we think we need to save in the event of a major disaster. We agreed that the old and infirm can go and wander off into the woods and survive on their own so that the scientists, builders and farmers can continue the human race.  We've now started a Patreon page so you can come and join in the community and support the podcast. https://www.patreon.com/MartsWorldPodcast  

It's me, Carl and Chris again because I forgot to invite anyone else. This week I bring up the topic of discrimination and prejudice often being based on assumption. I tell the story how years ago back in the early 80's there was a lad around the town that always wore make-up so I naturally assumed he was one of 'the gays'. Then one day I met him and asked him if he was 'the gays' and he told me he had a girlfriend and a baby on the way which just goes to show that I shouldn't have made that assumption. Then we went on to discuss they way society today hears what they want to hear. I made the point that if I said that I didn't like Israelis, some idiot is bound to say that I'm a Nazi because I hate all the Jews which is not at all what I said.

Chris' topic for this week is porn. Me Chris and Carl weigh in on the adult entertainment industry and the new regulations in the UK that say you have to prove your age online before you can watch it. Also we discuss should prostitution be legalised.

Carl, Chris and I have a Whatsapp group call to discuss this week's news. We talk about the Taiwanese woman who had 4 sweat bees living in her eyeball. Julian Assange being dragged out of the Ecuadorian embassy kicking and screaming, which was his own fault for calling Ecuador an insignificant country, even if it is. We also discuss people reviewing our conversations that are getting picked up through smart speakers in our homes and to test this theory I plan to tell Alexa that I've been sleeping with the reviewers wife for the last year. Our last topic was new detectors on the motorway that can tell when someone is on the phone in a car, but it can't tell if it's the driver or a passenger and it only flashes up a warning anyway so it's pretty pointless.

Well this is an odd one. The podcast started out with no topic. It was me telling a story how I thought I had suffered salt poisoning the day before from some really salty soup that a Polish friend had given me. Carl, Chris and I ended up talking about food, diets and nutrition for the next 40 minutes and went to great lengths to advise our listener on what food he or she should be eating, which is ironic considering two of us are overweight and the other one is like a stick.

This week Carl, Chris and I meet up on a Whatsapp group phone call to answer a few more questions from Twitter, such as 'How should we reduce the human population of Earth?'. Should this be done in a 'Logan's Run' style environment where people are disposed of once they reach the age of 21?. Also we discuss 'If you could learn the answer to one question about your future, what would the question be?'

Alex, Carl and I talk about how the mobile phone has changed our social lives. I don't think it should be called a phone anymore. That's like calling a car a headlight. There's much more to it than that. Our phones do so much more now than just make calls. 

This is a strange one. Alex would be quite happy to butcher his own dog if he was hungry enough. I would probably become a vegetarian if it became law that you had to kill the animal yourself before you could eat meat. However if it was a zombie apocalypse and there was no other food available then next door's cat is getting roasted.

Carl, Alex and I pick what era's we would visit if we had the ability to travel back in time. I explain why I would go to 1920's Paris. Alex is off to Egypt (probably because he likes sandals)and Carl is a high ranking member of the Roman Empire.

Elon Musk says we may be living in a virtual world or a simulation if you like. Me, Carl and Alex discuss that possibility. We also talk about what we would do if we discovered that we had access to the code and could change what goes on in the simulation. Obviously I would be very rich and would be lording it over everyone with my vast wealth.

I'm on my own for a short podcast to address a question from our listener. In this episode I explain why we won't be discussing UFO's on the podcast and a tell a brief version of my own UFO sighting many years ago, in the days before we had cameras in our pockets.

This week Chris, Carl and I answer a couple of questions that listeners have asked us on Twitter such as... What famous person would we invite around for dinner? And who do we think should be locked up in a nuthouse? Obviously Trump, Hitler and Saddam got a mention.