OK Bloomer

This episode hit us right in the feels! Everyone is reliving their favorite memories of the Russo house when Nick can't afford a balloon payment on the mortgage... And we learn what a balloon payment is.  We also demand #JusticeForJoey. He totally could have had Billy Zane's role in Titanic. 

WHO CAN'T GO HOME??? We never really get to the bottom of it, especially considering the entire episode takes place inside the Russo house. Blossom and Six try to set up their single parents, but Six flips her lid once Nick and her mom actually hit it off and spend the night in Santa Barbara. Anthony brings home an elderly woman suffering from dementia that he may or may not think is Justine Bateman. Also, Buzz totally redeems himself in this episode! What is happening here?

We're back on track with classic Blossom this week, as Nick brings his new girlfriend home to meet the Russo kids. Everyone has their own bizarre fantasies about what she will be like. Nick spends the episode driving in the rain, while Buzz continues to try and ruin his life. This episode might also be the official beginning of the 'WHOA!' catchphrase (that we're fairly certain ruined Joey Lawrence's career forever) We end up creating a catchphrase of our own, and try to find the reasoning behind the writers' Joe Piscopo smear campaign. 

Blossom has a fever dream that she is a superstar musician, and her family are all a part of her entourage. This out-of-the-box episode is shot in the style of Spinal Tap, or Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping... And what else is never stopping? An incredibly random list of cameos.  We discuss other movies in this genre, VHS rentals, David Faustino's rap career, and never quite get to the bottom of why Colorado hates God. 

Brenda Hampton drops the Cain and cranks up the funny in this jam-packed episode! Joey is forced to get a job at a Mexican restaurant after an accident with Nick's car, and falls in love with a waitress. The only problem is that she doesn't speak English. Anthony saves a "famous" photographer, who in return agrees to take a portrait for the Russo family. Buzz wears a toupée.  And, to bring down the mood, Six spends all her free time cleaning Blossom's house to avoid the reality of her parents getting a divorce. 

Despite the fact that there's no actual intervention to be found in this episode, follow along as Joey's friend since birth (who we meet for the first time ever, and then never see again) is a real party animal, and Anthony tries to step in when he notices him going down a bad path. Meanwhile, Nick and Blossom ditch their responsibilities to hang out, causing Nick to miss the opportunity to appear on The Tonight Show.   We also discuss our dislike of toilet humour, while ironically laughing over a story including a "number 3." And, we discover that we're bigger Aaron Neville fans than we thought.

Blossom and Six are once again at odds, this time it's when Six unknowingly starts dating a boy that Blossom has a crush on. Anthony is interviewing to become a paramedic and worries that his drug-ridden past will prevent him from getting the job.   Our technology curse continues this week. Also, Sal tries to explain what the Notes app is to Curtis (who still lives in the same timeframe as the Russo family)

WE. ARE. BACK! After a brief hiatus, your 3rd favorite Blossom podcast is back! It's a Christmas miracle! Speaking of returns, Pinhead Fred is back as "Dennis", and spreads a vicious rumor about hooking up with Blossom. Meanwhile, Joey cheats his way into an advanced English class, while Buzz is still horny. We also discuss Pee Wee's Big Mis-Adventure, and are once again on opposite sides of the fence about the logistics of boinking in a movie theater.

"How come he don't want me man?!" It's a typical high school band trip - The teenage chaperone hooks up with the weirdo hotel bellhop, then frolics naked in a fountain; while Blossom and Six drink from the minibar and order a porno until Will Smith shows up for 30 seconds and gives Blossom his hat. Always with the hats.  And in an unexpected turn of events, we uncover a super dark childhood memory. All this, plus hobos stealing pies from window sills.

Blossom and Six find a joint on the bus and weigh the pros and cons of experimenting with the Devil's Lettuce. Nick is suspicious, Joey is nervous, Buzz is the worst and Anthony brings the heat with the real talk about the danger of drugs. 

For season 2 of Blossom, focus groups worked tirelessly through the night to figure out what the missing ingredient to the show was. What extra character could help fill in the missing pieces of this coming-of-age sitcom about the struggles of female adolescence? Someone who could add color to the confusing mental and physical changes that teenagers face, as they leave the warmth of childhood and become adults. The answer? A 71 year old, pathological lying, male jazz musician who (somehow) still scores nightly with the ladies and brags about his sexual conquests. Plus: We discuss the Woodstock 99 documentary, why Adam Duritz is the real-life Buzz Richman, and get confused about what Tony! Toni! Toné!'s hit song was.

Both Anthony and Blossom stress about being uncontrollably shaken, as Anthony prepares for an earthquake, and Blossom anticipates going to second base with her boyfriend. A bunch of "Scrubs alternate reality" nonsense goes down, but this episode really finds it's stride in the 2nd half. We have our first ever two-time pit member, and "Stone Cold" Joey Lawrence raises some hell!

Season 1 comes to an end with a whimper, not a bang, as Blossom's older, popular boyfriend, (who we are hearing about for the first time) comes home and shatters her heart.   With a show that is capable of hitting amazing heights, it's really too bad that Season 1 ended with this uninspired, by-the-numbers script. We theorize that all parties involved didn't think Blossom was coming back for a second season, so the writers spent this 'final' episode delivering inside jokes that don't land with the general viewers. How does Blossom's broken heart relate to Adam Duritz from Counting Crows? (Spoiler: it doesn't, but we find a way) Also, warn the edge of your seat - Because Nick spends the first 18 mins. of the show meal prepping!  Hold onto your hats - this is Blossom Episode 13! 

An Irish lass shows up at the Russo house claiming that Nick impregnated her, which lands the podcast hosts on the opposite sides of a heated debate over the ethical and moral obligations of one night stands.   Plus, Joey looks at pornography.  It's Blossom, Episode 12, so clap your hands and keep your knees together, cause this sh*t just got real, for real. 

Get ready to tack pictures on your wall and connect them with a series of red string, because this episode starts with a flashback that comes out of a dream sequence, then returns to the flashback, but not the dream sequence... Maybe we're all still in it, who knows... WAKE UP BLOSSOM! Anyways, Blossom tells a story from before the series started of when she attended an all-girls school full of zombies, run by a dominatrix and how she snuck her way into public school and tricked Joey into studying. It's the first episode written 100% solo by show creator Don Reo, with a rare window into his creative mind. Also... We discuss Woodstock '99.

Blossom co-creator Don Reo writes his first full episode this week!  So we get an unfiltered vision of how he thought this show should look and sound, and many questions we've had about character development and repeating jokes are answered. Blossom starts to emerge as a feminist icon as she attempts to take the lead and ask out a boy. Nick is back to being a caring and understanding father. Anthony tries to keep a friend sober and Joey racks up a $700 phone bill by repeatedly calling a sex line, and then hides under the bed. We've all been there, Joey, we've all been there. 

The term "They can't all be winners" has never rang truer than Episode 9 of Blossom. A new duo of writers team up and deliver a script so lazy... Yet so completely convoluted that it takes this cast of, usually inspired and talented actors, and one by one, drags them down until it feels like they are lampooning their own characters. I'm talking a show full of 'Debbie Downer camera zooms into Nick Russo's face as he shakes his head in disbelief' Where did this come from? This isn't the Blossom quality we've come to expect. Seriously. You would think an episode where Nick kicks Anthony out of the house would have some weight to it - but you would be wrong. Up is down and left is right and the other actors sleepwalk through their nonsensical side stories, all knowing this episode is a lost cause. Except for Joey Lawrence! He somehow makes chicken salad out of chicken sh*t and steals the show. Thank goodness the series goes back to being great next week, but for now, allow us to deliver 'Tough Love' some of our own. Also -whomever wrote the original episode descriptions at iTunes? THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE!

Blossom is worried her social life will be forever destroyed after she gets tricked into going to the homecoming dance with a school geek and looks for a way out without hurting his feelings. As we've come to expect, the writers do an excellent job adding layers and depth to a simple sitcom plot. What we didn't expect, was Alf damning Blossom to burn in hell.

It's time to dip into the darkness as Blossom watches old home movies and concludes that a family vacation to the cabin is what will fix the broken home her mother caused when she bailed on the Russo family. It's only after Blossom gets the ball rolling does she realize that her father remembers these family trips much differently. Also, Joey wears an 8-ball jacket.

No one wants to see Blossom and Six at odds, but the inevitable happens when Six befriends the new student at school and becomes dizzy with newfound popularity, leaving Blossom in her rearview mirror. Plus, the Russo kids avoid giving Nick his final divorce papers but nothing ever plays out like you expect it to on Blossom. Who will break the news to Dad? Can the gals friendship be put back together? How did they land a guest appearance by a Golden Girl? Did the janitor at Disney+ add his own laugh track at one point? Or did Sal and Curt begin the unravelling of some bizarre code buried deep in old Blossom episodes? Why did the audience pop so loudly at a sad drug abuse joke? If your answer to one or all of these questions is "because 1991" you are correct. 

When plans for an innocent double date at the movie theatre suddenly change to attending a make-out party, Blossom has to lie to Nick's face but even worse is when a grounded Joey blocks Nick from finally sealing the deal with a female bandmate he's been secretly lusting over for more than a decade... And, If math is your thing -  that would span the entire time he was married to someone else. Is Blossom kissing her future Big Bang Theory co-star? Yes, she is. Does future Spider-Man emerge from "The Room" at the make-out party? Also yes.

We get inside the mind of Nick Russo, who purposely stalls his own career to show that he won't take the same success-hungry path his kids' deadbeat mother took. After Blossom, Joey and Anthony convince him they will be fine left alone for a week - surprise! They are not, as Joey loses the car, Anthony's kleptomaniac girlfriend gets back on drugs and Little Richard screams at Blossom to shut up. Side Note - We determine that Nick Russo was TV's coolest dad, capisce? 

Blossom no likey! After a trainwreck second episode, the show goes back to what made the pilot so engaging - layered family dynamics, as conflicts (or lack thereof) with Nick's new girlfriend shine a light on the issues that the Russo kids still have about their own absentee mother. Once again, the writers gets an A+ because when the sad piano music starts, it's never the lesson you're expecting.  Plus, Carla from Cheers appears on the piano.

What happened?! After an incredible pilot, the show takes a hard left turn in 'My Sisters Keeper' when the guy from the Aerosmith video falls head-over-heels for Blossom and wants to take her to Junior Prom... Did we mention he's the most popular guy in school, two years her senior and usually expects sex? Is there a lesson in this?.... No! And that leaves us with more questions than answers. Plus, we explore the Sally Field Mandela Effect and discover that Producer Paul Junger Witt produced The Office... But not THAT Office.

Curtis & Sal officially kick off their journey as they break down the Blossom Pilot. They discuss all of the nostalgia from 1991, things about the pilot that bring up sadness nowadays, dark subjects played for laughs, and who officially drops the first 'Whoa' of the series.

Curtis & Sal are about to kick off their 114 week venture of watching Blossom... But whose idea was this in the first place?