The Crabby Gals

We really are humans!!! We've got some travel planned + dumb ass J.O.B.s and schedules don't jive so we can't get together to record BUT we send you off with approximately 9 minutes of good times, including punching nazis! Be good Crabs! We'll see ya sometime after Labor Day! 

Well, we've talked about politics, sex and BBQ, so we figured we should go ahead and tackle religion. Why the fuck not! Kari also visited a medium and talked to her great grandma, we take a step closer to understanding why Michelle is so messed up and Summer wraps up time in its most simplistic state. 

Even we get raged filled. (Surprise! Surprise!)If you are finding "shower fights" to be increasing in your headspace, you aren't alone, Crabs. In this episode we talk about the little shit and the not so little shit that really pisses us off.  B.T.Ws. VOTE. 

Season 2 details 

Why didn't anyone warn us? That's the big question in episode 18. In this installment of The Crabby Gals, the Crabs lay down all the truths they wished someone had told them about getting older and also discuss sheets. Yep, freaking linens. Far cry from episode 1 where they discussed big dicks ... we know. Anyhoo, this one is for you, Generation Z! 

The episode starts off harmless enough, if bitching about how skating rinks are no longer the beloved dark death traps of our youth is harmless. Then the episode takes an interesting turn as the Crabbies explore complicated and often loaded (pun intended) implications of money and relationships. Three women, three different approaches to money, and a whole lot of hot takes on cold cash.

The Crabs throw a bird to the three year anniversary of the pandemic, declare WFH etiquette rules (once and for all), dive into spring break memories from the last century and wallow in all that gravity has taken as its prisoner! 

There's a little bit for everyone in Episode 16. We cover gun safety, shooting people in plays, heart health, annual screenings, putting a tampon in your bootyhole, the state of sex ed, book banning, drag shows and more! It a cornucopia of topics and all delivered in true Crabby style! 

Happy Super Bowl, Galentine's Day and Valentine's Day Crabs!!!!! On this episode, the gals talk about the morality of the Super Bowl and what their favorite parts of it are, living with platonic and significant others and all the bullshit that comes with it, Valentine's Day rituals; like gifting sex toys, and why Galantine's day is pretty damn cool. 

Dedicated to the doggos, kittehs, and all the other critters in our lives who keep us sane, keep us human and keep us kind. From puppy showers to the liberation of neglected pups to doggie DNA tests -- The Crabby Gals love them some furbabies more than just about anything else. 

Ah, the holidays are upon us and if you are anything like The Crabby Gals ... you need moments of zen, which much like the last couples years, you won't find here. The gals discuss their zen routines in Kari's backyard amongst neighbors' home improvement projects, dogs barking, kids screaming, freak winds raging and the occasional helicopter over head. Tune in for some holiday stress busting ideas ... or at least a few laughs!  

Are we thankful enough? Probably not. But we are full of tips, tricks and opinions on this holiday. Whether you call it Turkey Day, Eatin' Day, or Remembrance Day, we hope yours is filled with something delicious, something sacred, some strong opinions and some amazing framily members with whom you can wash it all down. Here's to the sacred and the profane. Gravy shots all around!

The total lunar eclipse and Blood Moon on Election Day is the perfect backdrop for this episode. Join The Crabby Gals as we give our election predictions (there will be one), our thoughts on Adulting (it sucks), federally protected birds (and how to get their shit out of curtains), and impromptu parenting, “Auntie Crabby style!” Get a stiff drink (we did), or consume that wine straight from the bottle (did that too), and enjoy.

Happy Halloween Crabs!!!! The gals chit chat all about their favorite holiday, Halloween! Why do ghosts always find Summer? Kari's Spooky Season Book Staff Pick and Michelle sounds like she's dying. Yep, it's another Crabby Gals! 

Well, our only excuse is that we started out hangry and it all went awry from there. So, if you've been asking yourself, “when are these crabs gonna get a little filthy?” Well then, do we have the episode for you. Traversing all aspects of snacks - the food-based, the not-so-food-based, but all-edible mix of tasty items from cheese to oysters to Tommy Lee, The Edge, Sam Elliott, Swayze, Cruise and even a Lemonhead. Pick your poison, we're likely all about ‘bout it.Also – anyone else hella stoked and thanking the Amazon gods there's a 2023 remake of Road House starring Jake Gyllenhaal on deck? 

The Crabby Gals take you on a travel tour of airplane etiquette, global bathrooms, and waxing their vulvas. This episode is not for the squeamish, but it is damn funny!

In this episode, the gals share their inner most thoughts about folding towels, falling on, off, around and near wagons and eventually land into a truly bat shit crazy story from Michelle where aliens did NOT access her no-no hole … or so she says. 

Crabbies – At the siren, all crime, including the misuse of words and phrases, will be legal for 24 hours. (the horror!) In this episode, we serve up some hot-takes on hot-button subjects like: Is It Easier to Purge Your Closet, Your Contacts or Your Condiments? Which, of course, leads to: Does Ketchup Belong Anywhere Near a Hot Dog? On to: Oh My, That Does *Not* Mean What You Think It Means. 

The gals take a bit of a detour from the usual funny banter and talk about dying. Yep. Its a real uplifting episode over at The Crabby Gals this week! Everything from living wills, to death doulas, post mortem portraits and they even manage to throw in a special shout out to bad ass comedian Ali Wong...completely unrelated to death, of course. 

This week The Crabby Gals explore their greatest fashion mistakes in the 90s and who is making mistakes today. From body suits to whale tails, Outback Red to today's prairie dresses they deconstruct what works and what doesn't. Meaningful discussions like, Can you still say "wife-beater?"  all while throwing some love for those hard working exotic dancers, skinny jeans on boys, and how we all stan a Halston dress! 

Wanna get to know us in 33 seconds or less? Well, let it rip! 

This week the gals check in on Summer's shit ass diet, movies that influenced Gen X (for good and for bad), Kari + Summer uncover a money making 'Only Fans' idea, Michelle admits to a disorder, and they reminisce about pre-covid concerts, the Seattle sound/ grunge scene of the 90s and the fashion of their youths. Hey Eddie Vedder, how YOU doing? 

We are screaming into the void and seeing who screams back! Welcome to the 1st Crabby Gals episode with Gen X broads; Michelle Baker, Summer Bohnenkamp, and Kari Goetz! The gals introduce themselves, chat about the evolution of body types and how we all cope, discuss what beauty is to different generations, how fashion got from there to here, and Jesse Williams...um...most discussed asset. Ya know, just a typical night! Disclaimer: If the saying "cusses like a sailor" makes you recoil in disgust...move on, this isn't your podcast.