One and Done: Raising an Only Child, Not a Lonely Child

Reviewing the most popular books about only children, advice on how to help your kid become independent, and an announcement about the show. Until 2:50 is the announcement, 2:50 on is book reviews, with the exception of 11:30-21:30, which is the section on empowerment and independence for only kids. Here are the books mentioned, with ratings out of 4 stars **** One and Only: The Freedom of Having an Only Child, and the Joy of Being One by Lauren Sandler *** Parenting an Only Child by Dr. Susan Newman ** The Seven Common Sings of Parenting an Only Child by Carolyn White *** How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success by Julie Lythcott-Haims **** How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk **** The Future of Your Only Child by Dr. Carl Pickhardt * Only Child: Writers on the Singular Joys and Solitary Sorrows of Growing Up Solo by Siegel, Deborah, et al**** "Yes, having 'just' the one child can make for a wonderful family dynamic" by Geraldine Walsh in The Irish Times. https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/parenting/yes-having-just-the-one-child-can-make-for-a-wonderful-family-dynamic-1.4141791 Great quote from the above: "It is the quality not the quantity of relationships that is important to any child."

"There are no small things." We continue with information and reframes around mental health, executive dysfunction, and faith, as it pertains to parenting one child. The first part is about depression, executive dysfunction, and keeping perspective as we perform the important work of parenting a child. The faith part starts around 10 minutes in.

Some reframes to help us parents of onlys have more self-compassion and perspective on this awesome endeavor we're undertaking. And since it's episode 10, we are celebrating by giving away 10 copies of the classic parenting book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk! Simply share our show on social media and send the screenshot to PopernackPodcasts@gmail.com. We'll send copies to the first 10 folks who do it! Meanwhile, in this episode we validate that 1) being the only playmate can be...a lot 2) society doesn't support parents of any number of children; this is hard and important work we're doing 3) mental health is real- we talk about anxiety. We pick up in the second part, episode 11, about depression and more. This episode and part 2 are designed to be something we can turn to when we're maybe being hard on ourselves, can we remember just how momentous it is to parent one child and do it well, in covid times, with all we've got going on? Genuine respect and we appreciate you listening- you are welcome to join our Facebook community One and Done: Raising an Only Child Not a Lonely Child. Audio got cut off but Jamie was also talking about how sometimes siblings don't get along....for a long time. So the idea of a constant playmate for our kid may also be a fantasy, as discussed on our last episode. There is so much to include in a pep talk but we hope the little we were able to cover here, and the additions in part 2, will bring some positivity and perspective to the question that prompted all this, from our Facebook group member: "why can't I handle more?" Audio clip is property of the NBC show 30 Rock. *episode cuts suddenly due to technical issues*

"When single child families idealize what they don't have: how the fantasy of larger families can poison our happiness and development" by Lauren Sandler arrived right on time for Jamie, who was struggling with intrusive thoughts about the second child that isn't here. This episode is the journey to get closer to being more fully present with the child who is here, moving from the "bargaining" stage of grief into a genuine and deeper acceptance of the reality and the gifts of being a single child family. Links and show notes with time stamps are below. Link to the article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/one-and-only/201302/when-single-child-families-idealize-what-they-dont-have?amp Send us a voicemail about being/having an only child! https://anchor.fm/oneanddone/message E-mail us your thoughts at PopernackPodcasts@gmail.com. You're welcome to join the Facebook group One and Done: Raising an Only Child, Not a Lonely Child. Until [5:10] or is is about the future direction of the show and an invitation to get involved/give feedback. We're also looking especially for folks who are one and done by choice and/or very content with their family size. Basically as many different voices and experiences as possible would be great/help all of us get perspective. [5:10:30] Jamie realizes she's actually been in the "bargaining" stage of grief and will share the recent insights that helped her move more toward acceptance. [7:40] story of being at the beach this weekend, missing phantom children and wanting to be present and enjoy the child we have. Acknowledging that those feelings are real but wanting to be in reality in the moment. [10:10] moving into a discussion of Lauren Sandler (only child with an only child) and her article which helped Jamie so much, giving permission to let go of the fantasy. We do this on our own time table and the process is different for everyone. [14:40] How being an only child can be a good and helpful thing to one's development, from lived experience.

Our onlys are our focus; sometimes we forget significant others. Kathy shares 3 ways to stay connected to our partners and the movie that helped her marriage through a rough spot. We value our single parents too and have an episode tailored to them in the works. Intro biz ends and episode officially starts around [3:00]. Email us at PopernackPodcasts@gmail.com. You're welcome to join our Facebook group One and Done: Raising an Only Child, Not a Lonely Child.

When your kid has much older or younger siblings, including potentially half and step siblings, how can you help create the conditions for a positive relationship? Jamie shares personal feelings and experiences around growing up as an only in that situation. She touches on scheduling logistics* and then, at the [6:50] mark, the importance of “consistency of narrative.” We are looking for guests, especially if you feel blissful about your family size! Contact us with episode suggestions and feedback at PopernackPodcasts@gmail.com. Join our Facebook group One and Done: Raising an Only Child, not a Lonely Child. *Forgot to mention that siblings sending each other letters and packages can also go a long way. Theme music by: Joseph McDade.

In this vulnerable, funny, & practical episode, Kathy shares some relatable true stories about people's reactions to her having one child. She offers thoughts on how to deal with uncomfortable conversations, normalizes the stages of grief for those going through them, and suggests a wide variety of comebacks and responses to the nosy, well-meaning folks who just can't get the hint. Content notice: this episode very briefly mentions miscarriage. It also alludes to “triangle families” but we recognize that not all listeners are in such families (2 parents + 1 kid), and we welcome all. Episode also says “we as women” at one point; and again, all are welcome. Here's what's covered: [0:40] Kathy tells a personal (but pretty universal) story about being questioned on not having more children at a party. [4:50] Discussion of the natural grieving process, particularly with regard to “perceived loss” (loss of opportunity or what we feel we're supposed to do or have). [7:10] Going more specifically through the concept of the grieving process for the parent of an only child (not by choice). [9:00] What does it look like to accept and begin to make peace with having an only child? [11:10] List of classy and fun comebacks for shutting down some of those people who just “have to know” when you're having another one. Got ideas or want to be on the show? Email us at PopernackPodcasts@gmail.com. Join our Facebook group, One and Done: Raising an Only Child, Not a Lonely Child.

[3:10] 1. Chill out. [5:15] 2. Take care of ourselves. [6:15] Geeking out about active listening. [7:53] 3. Active listening. [14:09] 4. Family traditions and norms. [18:20] 5. Community. [20:12] 6. Responsibility. [21:51] 7. Choose gratitude. Books: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, Happiest Kid On The Block, How to Raise an Adult. Email: PopernackPodcasts@gmail.com

What famous onlies have said about their childhoods. Key themes: relationship with oneself, comfort with solitude and reflection, connection to nature and animals, self-reliance, and grit. You are welcome to join our Facebook group One and Done: Raising an Only Child, Not a Lonely Child. [1:01] preview of episodes to come. Email PopernackPodcasts@gmail.com with episode ideas and feedback. [2:01] Betty White [3:59] implications of Betty's story for us parents. [6:15] Alicia Keys [8:00] inspiration for parents based on Alicias story. [12:10] Jedidiah Bila [14:11] Shaquille O'Neal, Steve Jobs, and so many more members of the club. Theme music by: Joseph McDade.

We discuss two main myths about only children: that we're spoiled and have poor social skills. We also talk about concrete ways to help our kids learn empathy and responsibility. You won't want to miss Kathy's hilarious “parenting fail.” Books mentioned: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, Parenting with Love and Logic, 123 Magic, How to Raise an Adult: Break Free from the Over-parenting Trap.

Email us at PopernackPodcasts@gmail.com. Scroll to your child's age for most relevant content. [4:00] Less than 5 years old. [30:00] 6-10 years old. [58:40] teenager. References: PBS Kids, Epic reading, Scholastic storytelling, Go Noodle, Sago Mini, KiwiCo, Duolingo, virtual babysitter

Have you ever wondered how only children feel when they grow up? Meet Kathy, a co-host of the show who shares her experience growing up as an only child and what was helpful and unhelpful to her, and how she applies those experiences as she parents her 11 year old son. Spoiler alert: she and her son are awesome!