Richard Herring: Ally and Herring's Twitch of Fun

It's Wednesday, it's 2.30pm and it AAHTOF (AAHTOF) with a soft relaunch of the show after a few months off to give everyone a chance to remember their same phrases. Rich and Ally take a look at some serious news involving the end of the world, golden phones, Musk losing billions, the massive ordnance penetrator, Richard's failing, flailing penis and Dr Who giving top actors deadly drugs. So business as usual, apart from no big wobbling boobies.

TOF #99f Gargara and Cuggy Groccoli - Rich is back with a brand new, seductive co-host and a lot of talk about licking things that you really don't want to be licking. Ally is back to talk about whether he will be the new James Bond, if a woman can be Jesus, whether Neighbours will ever end and the imminent collision between our galaxy and another galaxy. Plus could Birthday Donkey get replaced by the puppet that inspired his segment? Might be the last one for a bit as Rich is off on tour. Come and see him on tour: http://richardherring.com/ballback/tour Or sponsor him for not eating Soleros: http://justgiving.com/page/nolero Thanks as ever to Richard Ison for his amazing works.

Twitch of Fun is back but it's just a quick one this week, so not worthy of being Episode 100. But Rich and friends are going full out to be placed in the dustbin of Light Entertainment. Egg Wallace has a new ovoid pal and Marvin the Monkey tries out for main presenter. The team cover Israel/Palestine, Soleros, double bananas (Cocky Carrot fails to comment), whether AI could ever replace this show and some of the more racist songs from US film history. All that and Birthday Donkey, an attempt to find the right size for Richard's huge face and Sybil is back with more terrifying predictions. Sponsor Rich in his attempt to eat no Soleros here: http://justgiving.com/page/nolero

Episode 99d - Seig Heil. Another Friday afternoon catch up - not an official or canonical episode in which Rich attempts to remember what some of his characters do, as well as discussing the Musky arm movement, why Putin was in such a rush, if Obama has got himself a Rachel, how fast Craig David Iikes to move things along, whether Elizabeth I was a man, where to put your bins in a storm and whether Rich has any right to feel a bit bonnie blue about the stresses in his lucky bugger life. Plus the return of some old friends, a cold prediction for a beloved actor and Rich attempts to explain why men are so entranced by BWBs. Back soon with episode 100 for sure. Come and see Rich on tour, so he stops moaning about his life: https://richardherring.com/ballback

It's Friday, it's 3pm and the computer's back but the tech has screws up. But it's all sorted in 3 minutes flat for a non-canon and non-cannon episode of your favourite afternoon topical news show with a washed up TV celebrity and a 133 year-old ventriloquist dummy that also includes a hippopotamus that is obsessed with mammary glands. All right, second favourite. They discuss which dead AI celebrity they'd like to get their divorce papers from, why there's nothing impressive about a woman having sex with 1000+ men in 12 hours, the controversial choices for Match Of The Day presenters, how Kenneth Kendall would react if he saw what's on BBC News these days and a very clever joke about Dune. Plus Richard just looking at the old intro cartoons and laughing at them because he's forgotten all the stuff he used to do. It's not Episode 100, but that can't be far away.

Due to computer malfunctions this is the first Twitch Of Fun ever to be released without any kind of audience, leaving us in an uncanny valley which is both weird and revealing, freeing and constricting, hilarious and tragic. There's a new co-host, due to popular demand and Rich and one puppet or another cover Musk going mad, pornographic prison officers becoming pornographic prisoners, the 21 signs of sexual attraction, why the Duke of York is the only one who gets into trouble, Baldrick becoming Prime Minister and Elon buying Liverpool. Plus Egg Wallace, the Cock Ness Monster and a tribute to the Gard of Avon. This is NOT episode 100.

Twitch of Fun Christmas Eve Eve Special - Hawk Tuah. It's 23rd December 2024 and what better date for a Christmas Eve Eve Special of the show that no one has really been calling to come back? And it's an absolute spitshow full of technical difficulties, dropped props and a host with little to no memory of what the show involves. Ally and Herring cover the death of the star of Crocodile Dundee, the lady who had sex with 100 men in 16 hours, the lady who likes to spit on men's members and the man who likes to shoot people he doesn't like in the back. Which one do you think is seen as the hero? Plus a word from the Duke of York and Henry Hippo and two new characters, one of whom attempts to fit his entire head in an old character. You know you've missed it. But you won't feel that way once you've seen or listened to this one. It's not episode 100!

Twitch of Fun springs back to life for its 99th episode and it's a heartfelt tribute to the fallen of D Day, amongst other things. There's no pressure to be funny luckily and this is just a conversation between two old mates that encompasses Rupert Murdoch's ventriloquist dummy face, the escalation in the chocolate button war, the two words the Queen said to Fergiana, the destruction of the homes of two comedians and the deaths of a lookalike and a pop star. When will episode 100 hit? Who knows? Richard's tour might mean it's a little way away - Get your tickets here: http://richardherring.com/ballback/tour

An unexpected Wednesday Twitch of Fun from an overly tired Richard Herring, but those are usually the worst and thus the best ones. Ally and Herring discuss walking in Noel Edmonds' shoes, whether the Queen has a furry muff, why blood is like a butterfly, whether there's room for a Baby Reindeer character on the show, Terry's work with various David Copperfields, casting for the new Supergran and whether Jesus partly enjoyed himself of the cross. See Rich on tour - links here: http://richardherring.com/ballback/tour Bid on the eBay items here: https://www.ebay.co.uk/sch/i.html?_ssn=herring1967

Richard has had a gig cancelled due to flooding but Bedford's loss is your probably loss as well as you spend nearly an hour of your life in the company of him and a piece of Victorian papier mache. Ally and Herring discuss inserting batteries where the sun don't shine, the end of sex (not a problem for my viewers), a very old tortoise and Noel Edmonds' age. And the Victorian Ghost Child and Fluffy Rabbit turn up to wipe the floor with everyone. Plus exciting news of the guest for last RHLSTP of the tour that you could have got before nearly everyone else if you'd watched it live. Three to 100!

You thought we'd gone away, but we're getting to 100 if it kills us and then 1000 and won't stop until everyone on the planet earth is watching. Plus God. In this extended tribute to our King, like all other news outlets we speculate on the tiny amount we know about the issue for hours on end. What will be the best cancer for the King to have? Is it wrong to wish that cancer on him? And can we go through another funeral and coronation so soon? Plus some proper HIGNFY style jokes about the Tories, disbelief about old Keir Starmers, weather based innuendo, a lot about the frequency and strength of Richard's erections and birthday Donkey comes close to his dearest wish. Plus a haunting song from Ally of unusual beauty. Back at some point in the future.

Twitch of Fun is back for 2024 and Rich doesn't seem very happy about it. Has this really been going for four flicking years? God. The team chat about Rwanda, double fisting, dental improvement, various Royal lies and liars, a Chinese wang and Ronnie O'Sullivan stealing Ally's already stolen catchphrase. Plus a creepy visit from a largely silent Victorian Ghost Child in a mask and find out why Richard has no respect for anyone who likes him or his show.

There's a new host for the show and they're going to scare your pants off (as if you had any pants on to start with), but in a show beset by technical difficulties, interruptions and parental exhaustion things never quite get into (gottle of) gear. Though the ventriloquism is coming on. But who is the dummy? Rich and Ally talk about Princess Anne's health, what not to say to the bereaved, the second Big Bang, porridge brains, drunk kids, the male pill, moths in stuffing, vapes and Neanderthals. It all peters out a bit, but with some very good p sounds. See RHLSTP on tour: http://richardherring.com/rhlstp or Richard's new stand-up show: http://richardherring.com/ballback/tour

There's plenty of incident in this week's show including an extended set by Victorian Ghost Child, only ended by a flood and then Ally and Herring talk about stopping the boats, Russian votes, scanning teenage porn users, pissing in lay-bys, who the real queen is, humping on Good Morning Britain, the lies that pilots tell you, how to get a job and what makes you an adult. Richard's new stand-up tour might get a mention - see if he's coming near to you, and then complain if he's not here: http://richardherring.com/ballback/tour

Twitch of Fun is back and there are no children spoiling (improving) it. It's just Ally Darling and Richy Sweetie and the Birthday Donkey and the death throes of a wasp. The pair talk about celebrity deaths, Dutch Pancakes, lying liars, why men should wash their hands after going to the toilet, whether Elon Musk should rename Twitter again and Eric Idle's greatest song. There's a poignant fairytale and an Australian who doesn't understand the seasons. Back on rollicking form.

Twitch of Fun is back and there's a double pitch invasion this time, but soon Rich restores order to discuss a year of Richie Sunaq, if you can fire Richard Madeley for doing his job, the moon on holiday, how not to say you're sorry and a beautiful rendition of most of the film Encanto.

This doesn't happen on Channel 5 (I expect, don't watch it) but the first 10 mins of the show was not broadcast - but it's here for you now. And the show is then interrupted later for a family emergency. But for a brief few minutes everything worked, with chat about robotic hands, the king's love of kids' pants, the shaming of Captain Tom's daughter and marrying yourself. Plus the resignation of a much loved character.

It's back. Staggering it's way back into existence with a host who doesn't even remember that Henry the Hippo existed. For now it's just Ally and Herring (with some interventions from the younger Herring and a phallic carrot - should they be on the same show?) Herring is tired and Sloper is in surprisingly thoughtful mood, but eventually we got on to dipping fingers into ganache, so it's business as usual. Is JRM a puppet? What household object is Kylie phobic about? Is it OK to say you want to have sex with Suella Braverman (on any level)? And the big name comedian who is going to court. See RHLSTP on tour richardherring.com/rhlstp

With a once friendly partnership turning nasty, there may be big changes on Twitch of Fun, but the cast are contracted to appear one more time before the traditional summer break. Terry fondly remembers a fallen comrade, Henry the Hippo is given one last chance and Rich and Ally discuss the surprising illiteracy of the Princess of Wales, Rolf's last words, the truth about Proud Mary and the wit of Prince Charles. Plus the Duke of York so consumed with grief over the death of his friend that his eyes stop working. See you in the autumn (maybe).

A tired Richard Herring attempts to do a topical news story, but is not only sabotaged by puppets but also by doubts about the whole project and then technical gremlins until he just gives up. Maybe this will be his last ever performance and if so it is a testament to his life's work. Hopefully see you next week with better wifi.

A new character brings the possibility of refinement to the show. But don't worry, even if this is a simulation being run an infinite number of times, this show will never be refined. We chat about Coronation Oaths, Trios with no biscuits in, whether they have Cornettos in Venice, what wine gums are made of, Mike Tindall's favourite room in his massive mansion and what you need to do to become the most famous person in the world. It's not very much. I can only apologise for all of this.

Despite Terry's best efforts, it's a cavalcade of hecklers to start the show, but order is eventually restored and subjects include a possible new opera, Prince Charles' Coronation surprise, a terrible surprise in someone's ear, the awful journalism of the Daily Mirror, why remainers are to blame for the way things have turned out and the return of Victorian diseases. Accept your poverty and enjoy this despite the paucity of entertainment.

Richard continues to be edged out of his own show by his own sentient gametes and is also unable to keep up with the thought processes of a 131 year old inanimate bit of papier mache, that should, by all rights, have a shard of itself in the Coronation Crucifix. Ally is very angry about the Royal Family and if nothing else this episode is testament to how far the Daily Mirror has fallen as a journalistic institution. Also what's the point of gender reveal, is it time to recognise Prince Andrew as a good and decent man, what was Camilla's game plan? And do unborn babies like Marmite. All this and I forgot to mention the ultra runner who took a car for part of the race. Ah well.

The Fluffy Rabbit show continues with Richard outsmarted and out joked by the Victorian Ghost Child at every turn. He's still a bit ill, but Ally ups his game again as they discuss the new sitcom King Mother, how tightly scripted the show is, the terrible people of Manchester, the 11 words that Rupert Murdoch used to end his marriage to Jerry Hall, filling holes with Arnold Schwarzenegger and whether an ancient doll is harmless nostalgia or deeply offensive to all right thinking people. Plus the highest viewing figures for a long time, thanks to a horde of Ruskies (but nice ones).

Richard has been ill for a month and truth be told he's not really better, but luckily Fluffy Rabbit and Ally take up the strain and double their workload to make up for his stilted brain. The chat revolves around mathematical achievements, fossilised urine, a high profile convert to self-playing snooker, bags of carbon dioxide and rivers full of yoghurt. Hooray for Richard Herring do do de do. More hoorays for Phoebe though. Like shooting Herring in a barrel.

Twitch Of Fun is back for a new series and we can promise you a cast of all new characters. We can promise that, but we might not deliver it. Ally is in fine and filthy form as they discuss dead pilots, world war three, Denise Coffey and turnips, helmets, Roman dildos, Roald Dahl and Veneziana seduction techniques. Plus the follow up to Deal Or No Deal, Balls Or No Balls. Plus birthday wishes to every corner of the globe and Ally revels in being a film star (though may soon be in prison). It's great to be back.

Rich and Ally take to the air to try and drum up support for their eBay items and it's a veritable flurry of excitement as the prices go through the roof LIVE on air! It's a tired end to the year for Rich but we get a haunting rendition of a pop song from Ally and then discuss the absolute front of Paul Burrell, misuse of time travel, winter penis, the lack of sexiness of Michelle Mone and the hypnotic effect of boobs. We'll be back in 2023. Hopefully. Though forgot to check that with Sibyl. Thanks for the support in 2022 guys.

Ally owes the Victorian Ghost Child an apology. Ally and Rich discuss passports, the new Queen, Jenny Agutter's fine acting, a big fish, a big bum and an old cat. Prince Andrew performs a musical about himself and Sibyl makes some bold and bald predictions. Richard questions what he is doing and whether he'd get so few viewers if he was imagining all of this. It's the only place you can see anything like this. Bid on the eBay items and help us pay for our new computer here: https://www.ebay.co.uk/usr/herring1967

The Victorian Ghost Child has had a taste of success and it's going to be hard to shake her off, but she's still comfortably the most accomplished thing in the show, Rich and Ally discuss the resurrection of Neighbours, pornographic meteors, taboos you should bust to save your marriage, who the monarch of Christmas is, the main talking point from the Joe Lycett RHLSTP, the final words of the dying and the sad news about the sexy ghost from Ghostbusters (or the good news depending on how you look at it). Plus a new same phrase for Ally. The Christmas break can't come too soon.

Episode 77 - Diana's Hand. It's turning into the Victorian Ghost show, which means there is a danger of things actually being funny. But Rich and Ally discuss the nerve endings in a clitoris, whether you are beholden to agree with the person who gave you your first job, what to do if your writers hate you, the dangers of taking your own toilet seat with you everywhere you go and Musky Twitter. Plus the Music Hall song, My Old Man Was A Tottenham Fan and a very special and expensive guest appearance.

Richard is back and his very own Matthew Corbett is trying to steal focus, but he soon has things back on track with a very tired attempt at looking at the days news which includes whether Jimmy Carr is better or worse than Hitler, a new way to become the greatest footballer on earth, a surprising downfall for a beloved 80s celebrity and another unsexy robot. Will we be back next week? Sybil says no.

Rich is keen for Ally to stop doing the bawdy songs of the Victorian era that will surely get them cancelled and tries to move things into the political - rather than the genital - region. He has limited success. The team discuss the rules of chess, Velma's sexuality, whether Truss and Kwasi are of this world, who voted for this and whether if you impregnate someone in character then you don't have to pay child support.

Rich is flying high - he's back on the telly and he's got a book coming out, so he's doing this thing alone. No props. Which is very handy. He talks about water on Mars and Motorhead murderers. Plus unusual wallpaper choices, some bawdy Victorian Music Hall songs, the Queen's profession, the health of Bob Mortimer and a special cartoon.

It's another LIVE show in front of an audience of absolute idiots. The kind of people who would cheer a Marmite Lid. Rich has just performed an emotional hour of scripted stand-up about his testicular cancer, so what would be a more inappropriate juxtaposition than an attempt to improvise comedy with some uninspiring news stories with some puppets? The gang talk about the Queen's funeral, Meghan Markle, who might be the new James Bond, who would be better on money than Prince Charles, Phil and Holly and why truth doesn't matter when you've made up your mind and how a more famous comedian has trumped Richard. You probably won't get to see this because of the nuclear war though. Which is probably lucky for Rich.

It's been a difficult time for us all this week, but we finally hear what the Duke of York has to say about it all. Also Ally explains why some hand holding is unacceptable and other hand holding is fine, how the rings of Saturn were formed, how to cheat at chess, what would make dinosaurs happy and how Bing might have disrespected the Queen. Plus Oxford commas, Row-land and a brilliant Gotcha for DLT.

In a solemn Twitch of Fun recorded at 8pm on the 8th September 2022, the darkest day in UK history, we reflect on the life of an amazing woman, plus why you shouldn't hold in farts, living in a 170km long city, a woman upset with Greggs not stocking something that they were stocking and a eulogy from an excised testicle. Plus Richard is haunted by his younger self and people with birthdays selfishly celebrate them in spite of the news.

Twitch of Fun #70 - Nude. Richard and his puppet pals are back from their holidays and trying to remember how everything works. Unfortunately for us they more or less manage it, although they need to resort to a tiny amount of puppet porn to keep viewer figures up. Apart from that, it's business as usual - a bit of singing, a touch of satire, and some heart stopping predictions from Sybil.

It's the end of the current series of Twitch of Fun and what a number to go out on! But will we return or will Richard finally have made the breakthrough to proper TV. That's right TV. Which has ten years left. Just the right time to leave the internet behind. Does Sybil see more Twitch of Fun in the future? And why didn't she see the tyre blowout that put paid to the live episode last week? Why is she so obsessed with Paddy McGuinness. Plus John Cleese, how to stop your sperm being stolen when you're dead, Moon Day, Truss and Sunak and bad news about Nicholas Lyndhurst. See you in September. On Channel 4?

Richard has been taken advantage of by Ian Pizza Express, but at least he now knows the best way to cut up a pepper. He is (eventually) joined by Ally and they discuss Richard's glittering new TV career, whether Rich is married to his mum, dolphins pooing on coral reefs, Brad Pitt being unable to recognise faces and why only three Michael Jackson records are being cancelled. Marmite Lid is back being as edgy as Hell and Prince Andrew defends the stupid costumes he dresses up in. Come and see show 69 at the Phoenix in London on 11th July. Tickets here https://www.seetickets.com/event/rhlstp-at-the-phoenix/the-phoenix-london/2325600

Richard is killing time before the Champion of Champions Taskmaster show airs - has he beaten the odds to win? He and Ally discuss the perverts in our pores, newly single Jerry Hall and soon to be married (?) Olivia Wilde and insensitive to people who obviously weren't witches. There's a return from the dead for an unpopular character and perhaps in exchange the loss of a dear friend. Is Rowan Atkinson right and should comedy be as offensive as possible? You'll probably not think so after this.... You can see how Richard did on Taskmaster on More 4: https://www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmaster-champion-of-champions and the video of his watch along will be available to badgers in their secret area at some point in the next week or so (probably).

History has been made. Twitch of Fun has gone live, in front of a studio audience, full of countless fans (if you're unable to count over 60). In an impressively unprepared show on a very slow news day, Rich and Ally and the puppets that could fit in Richard's bag discuss the world's loneliest tortoise, the hands of Prince Charles, the world's most vengeful elephant, whether 52 year old men exist, why the Duke of York couldn't go to the Order of the Garter meeting and whether it's time to forgive and forget, America's favourite vegetable and whether AI has become sentient. Plus we will find out if Heidi is real, wish Terri a happy birthday, discover why tonight's show has prevented multiple crimes and find out if Sibyl's predictions for Birmingham and Paddy McGuinness came true. All in glorious audio only, the only way to enjoy ventriloquism. We will be back at the Phoenix for another Twitch of Fun on 11th July, almost 2 years to the day since episode one and the day before Richard's 55th birthday. Come down and celebrate with us. https://www.seetickets.com/event/rhlstp-at-the-phoenix/the-phoenix-london/2325600

Rich is back after a week off due to illness and there's lots of exciting robot sex news for him to chow down on, and lots of peanuts. He and Ally discuss what they'd do with a sweaty finger, how long they'd wait for a girlfriend in a coma and whether they would eat poop in order to defy ageing. A Twitch of Fun fan pretends to have a wife to impress the chat room and we resolve an important mat issue. And Sibyl has some bad news for Birmingham. Come and see Twitch of Fun LIVE on 13th June at the Phoenix pub in Cavendish Sq. Rob is bringing Heidi (he claims): https://www.seetickets.com/event/rhlstp-at-the-phoenix/the-phoenix-w1/2325570