Richard Herring: Ally and Herring's Twitch of Fun

Friday 17th April 2026 - Keir. Back with all the genital based news from Apple News and definitely recorded today, Rich and Ally discuss the nick name the Iranians have for our PM for an unheralded 5th Newsround of the week!

Thursday 16th April - Beautiful Butterfly. Rich auditions for Saturday Night Live, but Ally is more interested in the revenge of Jesus in a very heavy Trump/Jesus week. Not too many songs if you don't like that bit. Why would you only not like that bit, you idiot?

Wednesday 15th April 2026 - Tomb of Christ. Rich and Ally are back with an exclusive news story for everyone but mechanics, and a live report from the discovery of the tomb of our Lord Jesus Christ. Is he in there or not? Our reporter will tell you, but which reporter will it be today?

Tuesday 14th April 2026 - Who Doctor? Sometimes on a fast moving show like Newsround we get it wrong. Today we make a sincere apology to anyone we have offended. It looks like tomorrow we might have to do more sincere apologies. But more up to the date news that you won't see in the lamestream media.

Monday 13th April 2026 - Lord of the Dance. Donald Trump has declared himself the new Jesus, which is totally normal. But is he the real one? And who will challenge him on this? And why weren't religious people annoyed about him before? You con't get this on the grown-up news

Friday 10th April 2026 - Melania. Rich and Ally discuss Melania's recent Epstein based statement and try to work out if it's possible to predict anything coming out of the White House. With a guest spot from someone who was also not a friend of Epstein and has no connection with him and doesn't know who he is. Weird we got him on really.

Thursday 9th April 2026 - Angels. Rich is back from the brink and ready to do a documentary on his breakdown. Today he and Ally discuss why people shouldn't be allowed to look old and also shouldn't be allowed to try not to look old. Minimal singing to appease the kind of people who think anything is worth saying on YouTube. And also to annoy the people who think anything is worth saying on YouTube if they like the singing.

Wednesday 8th April 2026 - Knicky-Knacky-Knocks. A clearly tired and emotional Richard Herring celebrates the end of the war and the great man who has brought about peace, whilst Ally tries to start an all-out superpower confrontation partly to put viewers of this show out of their misery. All this and an AI Jesus. What's not to love?

Tuesday April 7th 2026 - King of the Farts. Rich and Ally are back on Rich's 14th Wedding Anniversary to finally determine whether men or women have the worst smelling flatus. Yes, it's as bad as it sounds. If you need to get up to speed on Baggy Pants and the Nitwits head here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmZj7m_u74g

Friday 3rd April 2026 - Randy. It's a party atmosphere as Easter approaches, but the team are all working, making sure the big stories and real music hall songs get to you before the lamestream media cab do anything about it. Today we look at Trump sacking his top officials and poignantly remember the death of our Christ and Messiah. Happy Easter to any Christians still here after this episode. Turn the other cheek.

Thursday 2nd April 2026 - C**t up the ***. After an hilarious April Fool's joke Rich and Ally are back to discover if the moon landing was real and how astronauts get the trajectory to get out into space. With the first extra terrestrial report. But who will be the reporter today? Can you guess?

Tuesday 31st March 2026 - Icarus. Rich and Ally are back temporarily as Rich waits for the call from the TV people. Today they look at the main celebrity news story, a not very famous man cutting himself with an apple peeler. Witness how the lame stream media makes more of this story, whilst only we tell you the truth.

Monday 30th March 2026 - Male G-Spot and Demons. In what promises to be the last Newsround ever, Rich and Ally take a deep dive into genital licking and what combination of tongue and genital are acceptable to discuss with children, plus we look at JD Vance's claims that aliens are demons and why he knows for sure that the devil doesn't exist. Thanks for your support. Don't bother coming back tomorrow. We won't be here.

Friday 27th March 2026 - Roboteacher. Rich and Ally are back for the last Newsround of the week and judging by this one it's probably good they're taking a bit of time to take stock and get their heads together and sort out Richard's health issues. Two news stories covered today which you won't see in the lamestream media - zip lining benefit cheats and Melania's army of info-robots. Watch Bake Off at 7.40pm on Channel 4 on Sunday just to see how good Rich can be on lamestream TV.

Thursday March 26th 2026 - Very Old Dog. Rich and Ally are back to tell you all the main news to ever come out of Cheddar in Somerset. So it's quite a short bulletin.

Tuesday 24th March 2026 - Deuteronomy 22:23-24. Rich and Ally are back in Da House and today they are reporting on the most controversial thing that has ever happened regarding the BBC show The Repair Shop in which they almost repaired an old joke book with some old jokes in it, that they didn't need to read out, but which still mustn't be on TV even in closed book form. Newsround is the most unsexist show on TV or the internet, as long as that is what people still are against, and so only we can report on this without prejudice. Take note Lamestream media and celestial bodies that are trying to blind and silence us.

23rd March 2026 - Finger Hair. Rich and Ally are back to discuss Donald Trump RTing a SNLUK sketch and get an exclusive interview with the real PM to find out if SNLUK is as funny as it used to be.

Thursday 19th March 2026 - Bigfeet. Rich and Ally are back to give you all the news the lame stream media doesn't want you to see. Today they're looking at whether the very convincing 1967 footage of a Big Foot walking through a forest is a real Big Foot or just a man dressed up as a Big Foot. With special report from a forest somewhere.

Wednesday 18th March 2026: Receding Bums. Rich and Ally are back to talk about how many times a day you should be brushing your teeth and what might happen to you if you fail to hit that number. It's more of an intervention than a news programme. Still ignored by the lamestream media.

17th March 2026 - Banksy Uncovered. Rich and Ally are here with all the big news stories and today reveal the true identity of controversial artist Banksy (can you guess what Cocky Carrot calls him?). Journalism at its finest.

Monday 16th March 2026 - Dead as a Dodo. Rich and Ally are back for another week in the Newsround studio, despite really having too much to do. They are discussing plans to resurrect the dodo. I don't have time to write the blurb as I have to take my daughter to the train station.

Friday 13th March 2026 - Faeces and Thyme (Time). Rich and Ally are back after a brief break to bring you all the Roman poop news that you could want. Plus to take the piss out of some foreign academics for their dubious career choices. It's what the public want. Also a new reporter joins the team. It's the yeast we can do for you.

Wednesday 11th March - Crossing the Rubicon. Rich and Ally are back for the shoddiest Newsround yet, as they look at the worst person in the world, a man who cloned his beloved pet. Was it a waste of money when animals reproduce for free? Should you put all your eggs in one basket? What about a ventriloquist dummy/human hybrid? It's all utter nonsense today. They can't all be gold.

Tuesday March 10th - Braintree FC Water Tank Tribute. It's a late night Newsround, cos Rich has been too busy all day to do it, but he didn't want you to miss the big news about Keith Flint's Satanic Churchyard Bench. Also some theological discussions about Satan and a nice song about starting fires.

Monday 9th March 2026 - Ayatollah Khamanei Closer. Newsround is back with nipples on and we're looking at the very serious topic of presidential assassination and whether it's the right way to go for a democratically elected president. Is taking on the leadership of Iran a good idea at this juncture and will such a young leader be able to cope with the pressure?

Friday 6th March 2026 - Worse Than Hitler. Richard uses Newsround as a forum for his petty grievances and then uses today's newsround to chat about am historical figures that younger viewers may not have heard of. Did Hitler have one ball? Did he escape his bunker to go to Argentina? Is he the oldest man in the world but unable to show off about it? All these questions will be answered by someone who clearly has the intelligence and disposition to be on prime time TV.

Thursday March 5th 2026 - Bad Influence. Rich and Ally are back after a brief hiatus with breaking news of a war in Iran and the one good consequence of it all. Will the show be heading to Dubai soon to make the most of the tax free status of podcasters and other shills? Only if the money is right.

Tuesday March 3rd 2026 - House of Boobs. Rich and Ally are back with all the big news. Today a regime has been toppled and a vacuum remains, but who will fill it and will it be Rich and Ally. Surely after doing so many of these, so brilliantly, it can't be long before TV comes knocking. Unless it's all part of a bigger show already. I know you know what I mean.

March 2nd 2026 - Dental Caries. In another tightly scripted Newsround we cover the big news that has broken over the weekend whilst we've been away, whether Jim Carrey is the real Jim Carrey or someone pretending to be Jim Carrey and why are they pretending and what is wrong with dim internet idiots that think anything like this could be true? I think that's all that's been happening. You'll all be doing it in the playground tomorrow.

Friday February 27th 2026 - Galton and Simpson. Rich and Ally are back for the last Newsround of February and it's a story the lame stream media won't touch, last night's by-election. Is this a vindication of Keir Starmer's right wing policies. With an exclusive interview with the current Prime Minister (at time of recording) plus in depth political analysis from Ally Sloper. This is the only independent news source you can choose. We are delighted that the Greens won.

February 26th 2026 - Quality Sperm. Rich and Ally are back talking about what month of the year sperm is at its friskiest. The lame stream media don't dare touch stuff like this. Unlike the scientists who put together these reports.

Wednesday 25th February 2026 - State of the Galactic Union. President Trump has done the longest State of the Union ever and Rich and Ally are here to fact check his claims. A special report suggests the whole world is in the best shape ever, which will be a great relief to us all, as long as we don't look out the window.

Tuesday 24th February 2026 - Worse Than Bin Laden. Having missed the scoop of the millennium, Newsround is back in a 30 degree studio to look at the story of the arrests of Mandleson and some other guy whose name keeps changing. With special correspondent reporting from Sandringham, waiting for a massage. Usual rubbish. Spread the word.

19th February 2026 - I'm Not Going To Take It Any More. Rich is away on holiday but Ally is here to reveal some harsh truths to his young audience. Not suitable for children, though all children should listen and rebel.

18th February 2026 - Did Craven Do It In His Pants? Rich and Ally are back with today's newsround all about dancing Chinese robots and if scientists are wasting their time. There's a special guest in to discuss this and also some upsetting stuff about Rich and Ally's past. Trigger warning for anyone who has been touched by a puppet.

Tuesday 17th February - Pikachu. Rich and Ally are back to give you all the main stories and whilst some news outlets might be giving solemn obituaries for the great Jesse Jackson, our team have uncovered news of a very expensive Pokemon card, which Rich feels might not be worth the price tag, which I think we can all agree is the story of the day. Has all his (and your) suffering for his art been worth it? Plus we go to the (poke)man himself to find out how he feels about the whole thing in yet another exclusive interview which blows the case wide open.

February 16th 2026 - Area 51. Rich and Ally are back with all the news that's fit to talk about in a puppet based Newsround. Today Barack Obama has revealed that he thinks there are aliens, but have they already visited earth? And what do they look like? Is it even possible for them to get this far? With a report LIVE from Area 51 in America somewhere.

12th February 2026 - Tomato Sauce Science. Rich and Ally are back with some of your comments about the new titles. Well suck it. They discuss new evidence that suggests the Turin Shroud may not be really the shroud of Christ, for all those of you who thought this was wrapped up (no pun intended) already. Do we need evidence to believe in Jesus and isn't it more important to follow his philosophy? Is St John a liar? Has Ally confused Jesus with Pinocchio? And is Jesus back now, saying wise things? Maybe on a short YouTube video, rather than a mount.

Wednesday 11th February 2026 - 20-Year-Old Ejaculate. Newsround is back after yesterday's hiatus when no news happened, but the grown-up news has missed today's big story, an interview with tech entrepreneur Bryan Johnson the man who intends to live forever by going to bed at 8.30pm every night. Just like John Craven in the original Newsround, Rich displays his jealousy of a younger man's ability to produce gametes, whilst Ally warns of the dangers of eternal life. Exactly like John Craven's Newsround. Which this is nothing like. Look out for the new titles too. Thanks Andy Bobbin.

Monday 9th February - Penisgate. Rich and Ally are back after their deserved weekend break with all the news that's fit to talk about. Today it's the big controversy at the Winter Olympics, wherever that is, and the lengths and widths that male ski jumpers are prepared to go to to win. But is the real story perverted cock-obsessed journalists, which Rich and Ally definitely aren't? With a live report from the slopes of the Olympics.

Friday 6th February 2026 - Chinese Hotel Sex Cameras. Newsround is back, despite Rich spending most of the day waiting for his car to be fixed. Ally and he discuss "Eric", the most hypocritical man in the news at the moment, who was shocked to see he'd been caught on a Chinese Sex Camera, but only because he loved watching videos of people caught on Chinese sex cameras. Who will be caught on the Newsround Sex Camera? Tune in to find out.

Thursday February 5th 2026 - Peanut Pile. After the success of getting Randrew Andrew kicked out of his house, the Newsround team turn their attention to the Prime Minister, whether he can survive and how good a job he is doing. Once again we beat the Lamestream media to a huge exclusive, which you can only get by watching our Craven Newsround.