Charlie Swan’s Toxic Turn Ons

I like to throw around the word, “toxic” a lot. I don't think I'm the only one either. When it comes to sex, love, and relating, I think we can be really quick to separate our feelings into boxes: “good”, “bad”, “healthy”, “toxic”, “normal”, “weird”… But my use of that label in contrast with the conversations I have on this show is to bring humor and attention to one inherent truth about life: we are never going to be able to make sense of it all. Sharing yourself with another person is forever a messy, clunky, confusing affair and so I applaud when people and authors take that on with honesty. Today, I sit down with the amazing kink writer and educator, Lina Dune, from her wildly popular publication, Ask a Sub. We chat finding satisfaction in the throes of passion's mess from page to reality, orchestrating the chaos of sexual expression into a symphony, and her life's work of teaching people how to do so. For extended show notes that include reading, watching, and listening recommendations as well as a related journal prompt, subscribe to my Substack below! Subscribe on Substack here: https://violetvic.substack.com/ Follow for more: @violetvicxenvignettes Website: https://violetvicxenvignettes.com/links My Book

Romance novels have always been an outlet for women in a repressive society to privately explore their sexualities. From Lady Chatterley's Lover to Twilight, the pages of romance novels are often so much more than frivolous escape; they are a much needed safe haven, especially for young women. I've read a lot of romances at a lot of different points in my life and I can definitively say they can get pretty off kilter and dark! Today we're talking about that strangeness as a response to sexual repression and the queen of gothic romance herself, Cassandra Clare. Monsters, thrills, and yes another incest plot. All that and more! For extended show notes that include reading, watching, and listening recommendations as well as a related journal prompt, subscribe to my Substack below! * The first five minutes of this episode have a little click in the background. Sorry about that, folks!*

He's angry, he's unpredictable, he's powerful, and he's marrying his niece? House of the Dragon has provided us with one grade A, certified toxic turn on in Daemon Targaryen, the rogue prince of Westeros. Ladies far and wide are loving this dark Romeo for such offbeat reasons (I'm ladies. It's me.) I was so excited to sit down with a friend who is all about Daemon right now to chat about loving the taboo, desiring drama, getting pulled in by high stakes romance, and the intensity of emotion that comes with loving volatile people. All that and more! For extended show notes that include reading, watching, and listening recommendations as well as a related journal prompt, subscribe to my Substack below! Subscribe on Substack here: https://violetvic.substack.com/ Follow for more: @violetvicxenvignettes Website: https://violetvicxenvignettes.com/links My Book

Desire can be such a confounding and surprising creature. No two persons' are alike and yet desire is one of the most primal experiences of human nature. The same can be said for our fears. Sometimes we fear the strangest things for no other reason than we are who we are. So it makes sense that sometimes these two experiences overlap with each other. Why is the scary sometimes a little sexy? I sit down with a friend to talk about her all time favorite scary, sexy crush: Donnie Darko. We talk the erotic undertones of horror, teenhood nostalgia, and the seduction of tragedy. All that and more! For extended show notes that include reading, watching, and listening recommendations as well as a related journal prompt, subscribe to my Substack below! Subscribe on Substack here: https://violetvic.substack.com/ My Book Follow for more: @violetvicxenvignettes Website: https://violetvicxenvignettes.com/links

What do women find desirable in the masculine expression? And does it line up with the expectations men believe they have to fulfill to be wanted? And is Nicolas Cage in National Treasure actually really cute? (yes) Today I sit down with a friend who is wild about Ben Gates in National Treasure for his unique expression of masculinity. To her, this character represents what she finds desirable about masculinity without common toxic influences that affect the many young men she encounters in real life. Hot nerds, age gap dating, and the spirit of adventure! All that and more. For extended show notes that include reading, watching, and listening recommendations as well as a related journal prompt, subscribe to my Substack below! Subscribe on Substack here: https://violetvic.substack.com/ My Book Follow for more: @violetvicxenvignettes Website: https://violetvicxenvignettes.com/links

Why do we pick up a romance novel? Is it to experience a happy ending or to genuinely go on an emotional journey through the complexities of love? With the massive bestseller, It Ends With Us readers get both. Through following its main character, Lily, through a loving marriage that evolves into a situation of domestic abuse, readers get the opportunity to understand the complex emotional realities of loving someone who is harming you. A fellow romance lover and I sit down to chat about the importance of this story and the poignant lessons we took away from it. Spoilers involved. CW: non-graphic discussion of physical abuse. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 or text START to 88788. For extended show notes that include reading, watching, and listening recommendations as well as a related journal prompt, subscribe to my Substack below! Subscribe here: https://violetvic.substack.com/ My Book Follow for more: @violetvicxenvignettes Website: https://violetvicxenvignettes.com/links

We've all dated people who were mean to us but have you ever found yourself dating people because they were mean to you? My friend and I sit down to talk about the toxicity of dating bullies in the comedy community and the lovely lessons she's learned from her past toxic love affairs. Heartbreak made her funnier, happier, and deeply attracted to Jason Segel in the Muppets movie? All that and more. For extended show notes that include reading, watching, and listening recommendations as well as a related journal prompt, subscribe to my sub stack below! Subscribe here: https://violetvic.substack.com/ My Book Follow for more: @violetvicxenvignettes Website: https://violetvicxenvignettes.com/links

Special episode! We've had conversations around how reality informs our fantasies but what about when we want our fantasies to inform reality? I sit down with sex, love, and relationship coach, Lorrae Jo Bradbury, to talk about healthy ways of expressing our fantasies, desires, and sexuality to real life people. We talk the important role of fantasy, releasing shame, and communicating exactly what you want. Lorrae Bradbury is the founder of Slutty Girl Problems and is a sex, love, and empowerment coach. She helps women to step into their power and create the lives they crave, with concrete tools to overcome doubt and insecurity, confidently embody their best selves, communicate effectively, and get more from life, dating, and relationships. Her work can be found here. For extended show notes that include book and film recommendations, activities, and playlists, subscribe to the show for free on my Substack newsletter! Subscribe here: https://violetvic.substack.com/ My Book Follow for more: @violetvicxenvignettes Website: https://violetvicxenvignettes.com/links

He's the one and only, Edward Cullen but why? What at the heart of Robert Pattinson's essence makes him the perfect vessel for the role of white knight, dark protector. I sit down with a friend this week who has an almost obsessive fantasy fixation on Robert Pattinson and the characters he has brought to life from Edward Cullen to Bruce Wayne. We draw connections between the man himself and the traits he possesses that really sing in his romantic leads. We also root out what women are attracted to in fictional men who exhibit violence. All this and more! Kiss kiss! For extended show notes that include book and film recommendations, activities, and playlists, subscribe to the show for free on my Substack newsletter! Subscribe here: https://violetvic.substack.com/ My Book Follow for more: @violetvicxenvignettes Website: https://violetvicxenvignettes.com/links

He's the world's most wanted man. But why? It can't be simply the good looks and angelic voice. I sit down with the biggest Harry fan I know to talk about the new blueprint of rock star that Harry Styles is writing, one filled with a magnetic inclusivity, gentle charm, and feminist flair. We chat about his meteoric fame and the fan fiction, fantasy, and desire it has sparked across the globe. It seems not only is being a Harry lover a fun pastime, but a community that has become a safe space for many people to explore sexuality and romance. NOTICE: This episode was recorded before #spitgate. If you're here for the Don't Worry Darling drama, you will be disappointed, I apologize. For extended show notes that include book and film recommendations, activities, and playlists, subscribe to the show for free on my Substack newsletter! Subscribe here: https://violetvic.substack.com/ My Book Follow for more: @violetvicxenvignettes Website: https://violetvicxenvignettes.com/links

A revolution is happening and you might not even know about it! The internet has reclaimed Draco Malfoy's character, reframing his brooding essence as a seductive but redeemable bad boy in fan fictions, whole novels, TikToks, and more. A Draco girlie and I sit down to talk about this amazingly popular genre of fan fiction, why we're drawn to tortured souls, and the perfect recipe for a romantic bad boy. As always, we unpack the real emotion behind these fantasies and our own desire to be loved as an, at times, dark and complex person. For extended show notes that include book and film recommendations, activities, and playlists, subscribe to the show for free on my Substack newsletter! Subscribe here: https://violetvic.substack.com/ Follow for more: @violetvicxenvignettes Website: https://violetvicxenvignettes.com/links

Trigger Warning: There is a brief and non graphic mention of sexual assault in this episode. Kicking off our show is my close friend, Liv, an artist and adventurer who has been brave enough in love to experience everything from toxic to splendid in her real love life. Liv is her own heroine, and as such, doesn't read about the fictional lives of others much! I get her impartial opinion on romantic fiction and the fantasies they inspire, beginning with a character from the most infamous saga of all, Twilight. I'm excited for you to hear her lived perspective on what really makes love and fantasy toxic and when those dark fantasies can be really healing. For extended show notes that include book and film recommendations, activities, and playlists, subscribe for free to my Substack newsletter! Subscribe here: https://violetvic.substack.com/ Follow for more: @violetvicxenvignettes @charlieswanstoxicturnons Website: https://violetvicxenvignettes.com/links