Not The Mama

Auntie Julia quickly checks in to let you know NTM is hard at work recording new eps for the coming weeks!

No kids, no reason. Has justifying the childfree choice gone too far? Auntie Julia and two of her great friends, Liza Treyger and Lil Frex discuss the apocalypse.

Tommy McNamara, NTM FANATIC, comedian and host of the fabulous podcast, Stand By Your Band, joins Auntie Julia this week to discuss all things Euphoria. SPOILERS ABOUND! The Zendaya-led teen drama may not seem on brand for Not the Mama but it meets all the requirements: Bad parents? Check. Messed up kids? Check. Sensible abortion? Check. Tommy and Julia discuss all the helpful warnings Euphoria provides for those who have yet to decide whether or not they want to become parents. Ice skate your dreams and enjoy this super fun episode! @notthemamamedia on instagram notthemamapod@gmail.com notthemamapod.com

Not The Mama is blessed with the presence of comedian Ashley Hamilton on this week's brand new episode! She and Auntie Julia discuss "The Adventures of Lady No-Kids cartoon as well as Ashley's thoughts on adoption vs pregnancy.

Welcome to Season 2! Officially in our second year of Not The Mama, Auntie Julia and guest Paula Rondon discuss their childfree summer fun. Did you know some people don't LOVE people who don't have kids????

Happy 4th of July! We'll be back next week with new episodes including our first ever live episode! Hope your summers are going amazing! We're working on great new eps and can't wait to continue the NTM journey with all of you! xoxo Happy Summer!

Happy first Anniversary - 2.0 Auntie Julia didn't like her first anniversary ep so she redid it. If you listened already, bless you. This one is more fun. She recaps what she's learned this year and speaks to what she hopes is to come. Proudly Childfree! Come to our first LIVE Not the Mama Show hosted by Audio Loves Company this July 2nd at 7PM in Brooklyn, NY. Special NTM guests and another surprise podcast will be there. Free tickets are available at audioloves.company The articles we referenced in the pod can be found here: More Women Are Choosing Not To Have Kids And: This Is What No One Tells You About Being Child-Free In Your 40s We hope to see you there!

“Vasectomies are cool! There’s smoke!” Comedian and dad expert Lauren Vino joins Auntie Julia to discuss the burgeoning male fertility industry and how calling off her engagement helped her take control of her life.

"I'd love to be considered unselfish and Christlike, but as a woman it's nearly impossible." - Jen Kirkman Comedian Claire Parker joins Auntie Julia to talk about Jen Kirkman's, "I Can Barely Take Care of Myself." Jen's book really touches on all of the cliches childfree people hear all the time in a funny and at times poignant way. She's a great storyteller and very assured in her choice. Claire also discusses her podcast about Britney Spears and other pop cultural touchstones.

Auntie Julia is joined by author Rachel Carter to discuss mastering your own story and keeping an open mind as you piece together your life. She shares her thoughts on dating and finding a partner in her 30s but not defining her life's success by her relationship status. As a creator, she values her free time which plays a part of why she hasn't yet decided if she wants to have kids. They also discuss the importance of the desire to have kids and how that should be a larger part of the decision to become a parent. You should want them if you're going to have them! And if you don't know, you should take the time to figure that out. As Rachel says, "Just because something is hard, doesn't mean you have to tackle it."

Auntie Julia recorded an amazing episode with comedian and host of "Dear Nana: Advice from and Idiot" and repeat NTM guest Irene Morales BUT it got DESTROYED somehow. She made a mini ep to try to make up for it but then got a cold out of nowhere. Not her night. She powered through to give some thoughts on all the anti-choice nonsense happening in the states right now. Sorry but we have no need for "pro life progressives." If you don't stand up for the rights of people who can get pregnant, you don't understand how to fight for progress. If you're able, please give to The Yellowhammer Fund which funds abortions in Alabama. Next week a full ep will be up but she's happy to connect in this mini version as well. Thank you for listening!

Vonetta Moses joins Auntie Julia this week to talk about choosing to be childfree even when you've always pictured the romantic fairytale ending for your life. Vonetta got what she wanted without having to give up her full happy ending. She also shares her experience of being childfree in a huge family. Even with nieces, nephews, cousins and god children she still faces a bit of pressure to have kids of her own. She is also a step mom and talks about how she has defined that role to fit into her childfree status. They also discuss the "girlie girl" renaissance and how feminine power is having a moment. Oh, and, they work in some Vanderpump Rules chats, specifically Ariana's childfree storyline .

Comedian and podcast host Katie Boyle joins the pod this week to talk about how to deal with the kid question in a new relationship. We also discuss reproductive rights in Ireland and family dynamics at home. And men’s opinions about women’s bodies? No thanks!

Listener Check In! Auntie Julia shares some previews on what's to come from Not The Mama as well as a request for more ratings on iTunes! Take a second and help us out! She was recently interviewed by Author and Childfree Advocate Tanya Williams for her Childfree Choices program. Watch their chat and join the convo. Julia also plugs the NYTs podcast, The Daily's two-part series, The Abortion Wars. She's noticed an uptick in anti-choice trolling so she wanted to double down on our ENTHUSIASTICALLY PRO CHOICE POSITION. The Daily shares insights from both sides of the abortion fight with an excellent interview with Planned Parenthood board member and 101 year old activist, Vivian Zwick. When asked if the days before legalized abortion seem old fashioned and long ago, Zwick ominously replies, "I'm afraid not." We've got to keep up the fight!

Artist and Educator Damien Davis joins the pod to discuss being happily single and childfree. Damien is currently in residence at the Sugar Hill Children's Museum of Art & Storytelling in Harlem, NYC. His experience working with kids reaffirms his desire to not have children because the work of raising them doesn't fit into his life. We talk about what family means and the importance of being a self actualized person. Damien reminds us to protect our concept of family so that the system as it is can't take away what and who we value. Check out Damien's art at his website and in our Instagram stories!

Do you ever feel like your answer to the question, "Why don't you want kids?" isn't good enough? Do you feel guilty because you don't like kids? On this week's ep, artist and designer Megan Brown joins the pod to talk about how hard it is to talk about being childfree. We work out some good answers and complain about the typical questions like, "Who will take care of you when you're old?" Why don't people see the Golden Girls as the perfect pop culture answer to that dumb question. Their kids all sucked and they seemed to be doing just fine. (Yes, yes we know Sophia and Dorothy were mom and daughter.) We also discuss fulfillment without kids and how that is fulfillment enough. People who are childfree by choice are brave!

Do you worry that being #childfree will mess up your friendships with friends who have kids? Auntie Julia and her first parent guest & bestie Jenny Hoskins chat about their relationship and how it's grown, changed and strengthened along the two different paths they've chosen. They share their perspective on what works for them and how you can confront any fears or anxieties you have about how parenthood and not-parenthood will affect your own friendships. Jenny shares some great insights about the pressures society puts onto women no matter their choices and talks about what her life will look like when her kids are all grown up. They also discuss March's NTM bookclub pick, My Life on the Road by Gloria Steinem. Auntie Julia confesses that she loves the book because it's self help disguised as a memoir, the only way she can take advice.

The new ep this week is delayed due to special editing needs. It will be up Friday, April 12!

Lane Pieschel makes his triumphant return to the pod to talk about the best Childfree show of all time, Seinfeld. We discuss the greatness of Elaine and how wonderful it is to watch a show with no children on it. We also chat about what shows we were or weren't allowed to watch as kids. Are you sponge worthy?

Lane Pieschel makes his triumphant return to the pod to talk about the best #Childfree show of all time, Seinfeld. We discuss the greatness of Elaine and how wonderful it is to watch a show with no children it in. We also chat about what shows we were or weren't allowed to watch as kids. Are you sponge worthy?

In today's new ep, comedian and Teenies foster mom, Maria Wojciechowski joins us to chat about how important mental health care is for all of us and how where we're from can also shape how we were raised. Maria is from Alabama and Auntie Julia is from the northeast. They discuss the differences and similarities about their childhoods and how that shaped the experiences they had as children and how that has affected their adult choices. In a new segment tentatively called, Childfree Current Events, they also discuss the incident in Denmark's Parliament where the first female speaker told a legislator that her baby was not allowed. Where should kids be allowed and who is responsible for figuring it out? Of course, Auntie Julia thinks she knows.

DON'T TURN UP THE VOLUME! The intro sound was messed up but the vocals are PERFECT! We're almost to the sweet spot! NEW in our Instagram Story! ;) "I won't be devastated or hollow but being childless is not always a choice or a curse. Sometimes, it is something else." - Roxane Gay reminds us that just because some of us celebrate the choice to be childfree, there needs to be space for those who didn't necessarily choose it or begrudge it. Auntie Julia goes solo to discuss building an inclusive childfree conversation that makes room for people of all mindsets. She reads a short essay by Roxane Gay and also chats about some changes for the pod. Thanks for listening!

Childfree pioneer and author of February's Not The Mama Book Club selection, "Confessions of a Childfree Woman," Marcia Drut-Davis joins Auntie Julia to discuss her book and life. In 1974, in front of millions of 60 Minutes viewers, Marcia and her then husband confessed to his parents their desires to not have children. Facing death threats and job loss due to the backlash she experienced, Marcia built herself up to lead a successful life of educating and organizing. She has appeared in several childfree documentaries and organizes cruises to expand the non-parent community. We also talk about the state of the childfree movement today and what the future looks like. It's bright and joyful! Happy listening and be sure to follow Marcia!

On our very special Valentine's Day episode, Auntie Julia is joined by comedian and actor Drew Anderson to talk about all types of love - friendship, family, romantic, and self love. They talk about setting priorities, parceling out the time you invest in others and what really matters. They also talk about loving their nieces and nephews and how kids can be a great "place to put your love." That doesn't mean they should overwhelm or replace the rest of your love, though. XOXOXOXO

"We're probably over thinking it." - Liz Jansen, Auntie Julia's friend from college, joins the pod this week to discuss the process of figuring out if she wants to be a parent and all of the considerations she and her partner are going through. Financial, religious, personal, and political reasons motivate the choice to have children. Is there such a thing as over thinking it or how do you know when you've thought about it enough? Liz also shares info about the group she and her friends started called Women Unite as a way to make positive change after the 2016 election.

"How can I make money off of not-parenthood?? Tell me that!" Marketing pro Elissa Reiling joins Auntie Julia to share her experiences as a not-mom in the city. They discuss life after divorce, maintaining friendships with parents and the suburbanization of NYC. A long rant about strollers on the subway during rush hour ensues. They also talk about targeted ad campaigns and fear tactics that capitalize on procreation. It's all bullshit. It's a fun episode and Elissa is a great guest! Keep reading "Confessions of a Childfree Woman" by Marcia Drut-Davis for our February #NotTheMamaBookClub selection!

"My womb has always been empty, but my life is full." - Jeanne Safer Listener Maxine Sims joins Auntie Julia all the way from the UK to discuss the first selection of the Not The Mama Book Club, "Selfish, Shallow and Self Absorbed - Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids" by Meghan Daum. They talk about main themes threaded throughout all of the essays such as self realization, having "it all," and the writers relationships with their own mothers. Maxine and Julia select their favorite essays and discuss them in further detail as well. The decision to not have children isn't always a singular moment in one's life. It can be a series of small choices, realizations, disappointments and victories. February's Not The Mama Book Club selection is "Confessions of a Childfree Woman" by Marcia Drut-Davis. Check out our website notthemamapod.com and Insta stories for more information! Thanks for listening and happy reading!

Do babies have to destroy friendships? No! Auntie Julia is joined by her new friend and mom-2-B Kara Klenk to discuss building the bridge between those of us who choose to be childfree and those who choose to become parents. If you accept yourself, it's much easier to accept others even when their choices are different than yours. It's easier said than done though so we chat it out and share our experiences with the care and keeping of friendships. We also have a fun convo about the TV show "Insecure" and the storyline about friends and babies. Kara's comedy album "Undefeated" comes out March 8 and is available for pre-order now on iTunes!

Auntie Julia checks in with a short News & Views episode to talk about the "falling" American birthrate and the nonsense that happened after the March for Life in DC. We'll be back with a full episode on Thursday! Keep reading Selfish, Shallow and Self Absorbed for the Not the Mama Bookclub too!

Special Romance Episode! Lane Pieschel, Auntie Julia's famed boyfriend/partner/not-husband joins the pod this week to confirm that he is not being manipulated against procreation. They chat about their relationship and how they came to the decision to not have kids. They discuss family pressures and influence and assert themselves as partners in their calling to not have children. Lane talks about his childhood and how he's always felt a bit uncomfortable around kids. Don't forget to keep reading, "Selfish, Shallow and Self Absorbed" by Meghan Daum as the first selection in the Not The Mama Book Club!

Auntie Julia rings in the New Year with a discussion about what she thinks defines a family and our culture's obsession with procreation. She talks about the term "pronatalism" and how it's not always a positive effect to center society around blood relations. She reads a bit from a NYTimes Modern Love column about a man who has fathered over a dozen children from sperm donation and how he's found them using the DNA collection test 23andMe. She is determined to focus 2019 on establishing herself as a whole and complete person despite not having kids of her own. She also announces the Not The Mama Book Club! 12 books about being childfree! Fiction, nonfiction, memoire, biography, romance, adventure, self love! The only common thread will be that they center on a childfree experience. January's book is "Selfish, Shallow and Self Absorbed" by Megan Daum. Every month there will be an episode dedicated to recapping the selected book. If you have suggestions, send them to notthemamapod@gmail.com.

Fresh off of witnessing the birth of her niece, comedian Marcia Belsky joins Auntie Julia to discuss the state of women's health care and why it matters to women even if you don't have to have kids. They have too much bubbly and have a conversation about the state of feminism and the volume of Julia's laugh. It's the last guest episode of 2018 so cheers with us and have some fun!!!

Burlesque performer, dancer and sword swallower extraordinaire Gin Minsky joins Auntie Julia to discuss fearless love while being childfree. Gin shares her experiences of dating and moving on from partners who want kids. She now seeks out relationships with people who don't want to be parents but even that can't guarantee minds won't change. It can be tough when feelings are involved but when you trust yourself, that's what counts the most even when it comes to love.

Special Crossover Episode! Film Critics Bronwyn Isaac and Jourdain Searles of the Bad Romance podcast join Auntie Julia to discuss the fabulous movie "Obvious Child" staring Jenny Slate. One of the first and only movies to portray the choice to have an abortion without trauma, this is the perfect film to examine pop culture's handling of parenthood as choice. It's fun and cute with excellent character development and humor. Bronwyn and Jourdain have great insights and I highly recommend checking out their podcast Bad Romance for more fun film reviews!

Auntie Julia is joined by Luisa Díez to discuss self realization and how we fulfill our own potentials. Luisa shares her own journey of self discovery and how she and her mom, who have lead very different lives, have come to a better understanding. They also talk about being "old" feminists and how this isn't necessarily bad but can be annoying. "Mothering" jobs also comes up as they are both professional women who find themselves "taking care" of others. A lot of wine is had! Cheers! ;)

Auntie Julia goes solo to share her story about how she left her Evangelical Christian upbringing and managed to maintain her relationships with friends and family. She talks about how this was an important step for her to open her life up to her true wants and needs. It wasn't always easy but sharing this story is a valuable part of building this community. Making different choices from our loved ones can be daunting but has great rewards. She also speaks to the idea of fellowship and how that is a positive lesson she has taken from her faith based childhood. There can be balance in what we keep and outgrow. She also shares her thoughts on Thanksgiving and the lessons she's learned from Native American leaders like Dr. Adrienne Keene. Enjoy your weekend!

Families have hopes and dreams for us that don't always align with the hopes and dreams we have for ourselves. Comedian Lili Michelle joins us this week to talk about the pressures we face when we don't live up to familial or cultural expectations. How do we navigate feelings of love for our families and friends while living our own lives? Lili's family is Persian and she was raised to become a wife and mother, two things she's not positive are for her. She also shares with us the additional pressures parents' financial support can have on our life choices. It's a privilege for sure but does come with stipulations and can cause more tension than it's worth when you want to choose a different path.

Why don't people take young women seriously? Especially when they are speaking about the decisions they've made for their own lives? Artist Paula Rondon joins Auntie Julia this week to discuss this phenomenon and learning about how to trust ourselves no matter our ages. She also talks about her relationships with her family, friends and boyfriend and how to navigate their influences in her life while she simultaneously figures out what it is that she wants. She knows she's not a kid person. Of course Auntie Julia has to start with a rant about men on the internet so push through that to get to the goods. The episode ends with a fun chat about their shared belief in UFOs. Totes Caszh!

Sometimes the best way to find out that you want to remain childfree is to spend time with children. Former back-up nanny and comedian Liza Treyger joins Auntie Julia to talk about their pasts as child-care providers. They've both been babysitters, camp counselors and of course, aunts so they do have some experience around kids yet have always known they don't want to become mothers. They also chat about the bounds of womanhood and how we need to make space for women who aren't mothers, no matter the reason. And bonus, David Drake produced the episode so the sound is better! Yay!!!

What would you do if the life path you were on was changed by tragedy? Adventurer Sarah Gill joins Auntie Julia to talk about love, loss, grief and resilience after the death of her husband Mark. Sarah has redirected her career, home, personal and child life plans and shares a story that listeners will be inspired by! We chat about evolving and growing from past decisions and how a new life path is possible even with obstacles. Sarah also gives us a lesson about brewing different types of booze. Pour a glass and listen in!

Rapper Lil Frex joins Auntie Julia on the pod this week to experience a pregnancy scare in real time, wanting kids as fantasy vs. reality, their sex ed experiences and whether or not you can get knocked up on your period. Frex is open to testing this out but Julia of course, is not. At the end of the ep we play "It Goes On" from her latest mixtape, "The Breakup Tape."

"You will do what you want to do with your life," said the doctor who performed Gloria Steinem's illegal abortion when she was 22. She went on to become one of the most important feminists of the 20th century and is not a mother. Today, Auntie Julia flies solo to share her thoughts on the value of not moms and what we have to contribute to the world. She also shares some book and media recommendations and reads a few empowering quotes from famous not moms.

About: WARNING: Auntie Julia's laugh is out of control this ep, protect your buds! (She did edit it though to even out the volume) The wildly talented Alex Drake is here, finally!!! We talk about dads vs moms - as caregivers, who kids like more, dad bods and wtf even IS a mom bod?? Important, #spoileralert for the plot of the movie, "The Intern." Alex also shares the story of losing her mom and how that has affected her thoughts and feelings on having kids. We also talk about dream dogs! Get into it!!!

Thank you listeners!! We're reviving our News + Views segment with today's special appreciation episode! Auntie Julia reads some great reviews from iTunes, addresses some sound concerns and talks about improvements to come! We wouldn't have a pod without you! She also minimally addresses this Kava-HELL-NAW business and reminds everyone to register to vote or double check your registration. Hers was purged!! 36 days until the midterms!!!

Comedian Shalewa Sharpe joins Auntie Julia to discuss her moment with Chadwick Boseman, not wanting motherhood but supporting mom friends, progressive pro-lifers responsibility to shut down anti-choicers, and the required martyrdom of motherhood. They also chat about race in regards to parenting and the responsibility of all white people to dismantle racism in their communities.

Have you considered freezing your eggs? Comedian and writer Farah Brook chats this week about what it's like to know for sure you want to be a mom. Farah has decided to freeze her eggs now so when she's ready for kids she has more options. She and Auntie Julia talk the cost, science and emotional and physical experience of taking this step.

Comedian Irene Morales joins Auntie Julia this week to chat about how heritage and family history can impact our decision to become parents. Irene shares stories about her family life growing up in Miami, Florida with a Cuban mom, a Paraguayan dad and a brother who is on the Autism spectrum. Auntie Julia is also sick of introvert memes on the internet. She does love introverts, just enough with the memes.

Entrepreneur Leah Weinberg joins Auntie Julia this week to chat about not wanting kids and knowing it! They discuss making space for career ambition, friendship with other not-parents and also just not liking kids all that much. They get to the bottom of the eternal question - "What do women DO without children?" A lot, actually!

You can decide to be undecided! This week, comedian and actress Molly Ruben Long joins Auntie Julia to declare her indecision about parenthood, marriage and other grown up questions. They also get to the bottom of Auntie Julia's aggressive personal stance against marriage which may inadvertently have swayed Molly's decision on that front. Luckily, both decided to have a good time so we hope you join in the fun!

Melissa Stokoski, comedian and Sex and the City scholar, joins auntie Julia this week to discuss how women without children were represented on the iconic television show. One of the first series to present storylines about abortion, infertility, and choosing to be childfree, Melissa and Auntie Julia dissect scenes and episodes that Not The Mama listeners will enjoy. While imperfect for many reasons, (too white, capitalistic, and dated puns galore, etc.) the impact of SATC on millennial women and pop culture overall can't be denied. Spoiler alert: Auntie Julia's a Samantha!

TW: Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse Auntie Julia and comedian and storyteller Melody Kamali chat together this week about heavier topics. Melody discusses her indecision about parenthood based on past experiences and having a partner who knows she wants to be a mom. They talk about parents, their childhoods and how people need to share stories to help raise the next generation. And it's OK for women to be righteously angry. Get into it!