The Gone Show

THE SECOND SEASON FINALE! With the announcement that the show will be taking a brief hiatus, John is…John. The night’s topic of Y2K has Stanislaw remembering an elaborate practical joke that was played on him by fellow cosmonauts. This episode features a commercial for Alarming Lullaby.

Everyone celebrates the holiday season with a gift exchange. This episode features a commercial for Santa Stalkings.

EPISODE FIFTY! The night’s topic of Yule logs makes John nervous but reminds Conroy of an incident involving an unusual, life-size effigy and J. of a neighbor who avoided fire at all costs. This episode features commercials for Humming in the Kitchen and the Crap Can.

Stanislaw’s pet guinea pig, Sputnik, joins everyone in the studio. Unfortunately, he and John don’t hit it off. Along with the night’s topic of lead paint, other topics discussed include the decontamination process at Baikonur Cosmodrome, cow dung and sacrifices for art. This episode features commercials for Rook and a Hard Place, Belly Button Honey...

Following John’s recap of a recent trip to London, the night’s topic of the television show M*A*S*H leads to Orson explaining the origins of the hostilities between the yeti and the sasquatch. A laugh track is used, with some enjoying it more than others. This episode features a commercial for Window Licking, Incorporated.

After Bannon introduces the topic of telephone booths and talks about wanting one in his living room, J. arranges for everyone to hear a recording of an old, radio news broadcast about a somewhat morbid telephone booth. This episode features a commercial for Shockolate.

By way of the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes, Stanislaw tells everyone about an underground, Russian comic strip named “Disco Slug Loves Chocolate Bunny.” John has a hard time with some of the numbers behind the night’s topic. This episode features a commercial for Bald Move.

The night’s topic of lamplighters leads to a discussion about yeti eyesight and John talking about his early morning encounters with lamplighters. A man who goes by “Lamplighter Larry” calls the studio and shares some thoughts on life, which seem to profoundly affect everyone–except Orson. This episode features a commercial for the Fight Dirty Self...

Bannon’s hiring of an intern for the show doesn’t quite work out as planned, but, eventually, Gerber Singles are discussed. This episode features commercials for the Nosy Neighbors Educational System and Spatula Discount.

After Stanislaw describes his go-to Halloween costume, the topic of Edgar Allan Poe has John recounting the time he met an evil boy who claimed to be the famous writer. J. ends the show by reading Poe’s “The Raven.” This episode features a commercial for Make No Mistake New and Used Stakes.

John’s critique of Bannon’s ability to produce the show leads to an early break, but, afterward, Rod Serling is discussed. Serling’s military accomplishments lead Orson to think that he was a yeti. This episode features commercials for Soup to Nuts and Past Gas.

For Conroy, the topic of Ecto Cooler reminds him of a threatening encounter with a carful of “foaming-at-the-mouth Millenials.” When the premise of Ghostbusters is explained to John, he’s horrified. A telephone call proves that Ecto Cooler, though discontinued, is still popular today…very popular. This episode features a commercial for Moist Pharmaceuticals.

Even though John can’t stop talking about bodily functions, Burma-Shave is still discussed. Then things become poetic. This episode features a commercial for Pissing Match.

Before Emily Post is discussed, John and Orson wait for a compliment that never comes. Following some talk of high society and yeti infidelity, a telephone call prompts Bannon to make an endorsement–much to John’s chagrin. This episode features a commercial for Leave Me Alone.

Before they get to Blockbuster, everyone discusses dreams and nightmares. The night’s topic has J. talking about some very poor but very attentive customer service, during which some very obscure ’90s references are made. This episode features a commercial for Badass Bumper Stickers.

Spirits are high, following the defeat of Lord Spade. The thought of the night’s topic, megalodons, makes John fearful, but it reminds Stanislaw of an unusual fishing trip. This episode features commercials for Narwhal Cologne and Brain Blaze.

As J. joins the show, riding shotgun with Conroy, all that everyone else in the studio can do is listen, in suspense, as events unfold… This episode features a commercial for Crooked Paver Patios.

Following the events of the last episode, the fate of Conroy is learned. In response to the danger from Lord Spade, J. bravely joins the show from outside the studio, while John feels as though he’s needed (safely) inside the studio. John has a typical response to the topic of aircraft listeners. This episode features...

Before everyone discusses America Online CDs, John makes it known that he disagrees with everyone’s handling of the situation involving Lord Spade. And, much to everyone’s horror, a telephone call from Conroy might prove John right. This episode features a commercial for I Stole a Dirigible.

Everyone does their best to deal with the threats made by Lord Spade during the last show. Bannon assures listeners that the show will continue, despite those threats. John is upset to learn that listeners have been reaching out to J.–but not to him–and offering their support. Orson is ready for a fight. This episode...

A telephone call is received in the studio, and a voice from Conroy’s past threatens the lives of everyone on the show… This episode features commercials for War Zone Apartments and Firehose Cola.

Unusual telephone calls are received in the studio, scaring John. The night’s discussion of sock hops reminds Stanislaw of a time when he did his best to make space station Mir more romantic, but, much to John’s dismay, he refuses to go into any sordid details. This episode features a commercial for Tiny Humanoid Butt...

Before Commodore computers are discussed, an unusual telephone call is received. The night’s discussion touches on many subjects, including the role of computers in everyday life, the complex world of business and pickling. This episode features commercials for Mushroom Motors and Jesus Kites.

With the introduction of the night’s topic, John’s confusion about the name “Spuds MacKenzie” leads to Conroy telling a harrowing tale of the time he was hired to transport a surprisingly evil potato. This episode features a commercial for Roof Spoof.

John forgets that he isn’t the host of the show, which somehow results in toilets being talked about, but, after an early commercial break, things get back on track and Marie Van Brittan Brown is discussed. Stanislaw is prompted by talk of Brown’s invention to tell everyone about an unexpected visitor…in space. This episode features...

The SEASON 2 PREMIERE begins with recordings from the recent yeti ceremony held for J. Afterward, the five-hundred dollar bill is discussed, with Orson becoming suspicious of the American monetary system. This episode features a commercial for The Wag.

THE FIRST SEASON FINALE! To celebrate the final episode of the first season, guests of the show answer questions submitted by listeners, and, aside from some brief profanity, the threatening use of an effigy and John’s bruised ego, all goes well. This episode features commercials for In Flew Enza and Communioncations, LLC.

With Doctor Arturo Bellerophon and Mother Bellerophon filling in for J., who is away in the Himalayas, answering machines are discussed, and Stanislaw offers for everyone to hear the outgoing message on the answering machine that he still uses, while the Bellerophons play old answering machine recordings that are, in more than one way, bad....

The night’s discussion of library card catalogs leads to J. giving an account of a harrowing experience he once had at a library, and, to John’s chagrin, this prompts Orson to bestow upon J. a great honor. This episode features commercials for Soup to Nuts and Coffee Run.

Before the night’s discussion of Marie Curie begins, John–much to Bannon’s dismay–discusses some business matters with Conroy. And, of course, while discussing Marie Curie, topics involving a cardboard box that represents a father’s love and the tastiness of bananas in Jell-O molds are also talked about. This episode features commercials for Lifeless and Tombstone Helicopters.

After being briefly sidetracked by the indignities of old age and the special theory of relativity, pull tabs are discussed. Stanislaw identifies a favorite beverage among cosmonauts and expresses his appreciation for engineers, while John complains about American English and recounts a dangerous encounter involving a baroness and the cork to a bottle of brandy....

Following its neglect during the previous episode, pinsetters are discussed, but not before John finds out that the apology he’s been waiting for will never come. An attempt is made to explain bowling to Orson…with unexpected results and maybe the invention of a new yeti sport. This episode features commercials for Auntie Botulus Pickled Eggs...

After John makes a remark that compels Bannon to serve up glasses full of payback, the night’s topic is totally ignored. However, a good time is had by (almost) all. This episode features commercials for The Transcendent Bowel and Guenther Schlutz.

With everyone finally discussing double features, the topic has J. reminiscing about his childhood lemonade stand and John being chastised for bringing up his new business venture. And when B movies are brought up, Stanislaw is reminded of a frightening incident at Baikonur Cosmodrome that began with what initially appeared to be nothing more than...

John…is…back! This episode features commercials for Quotester and Four Wheels Financial.

Before discussing knocker-uppers, Bannon gives an update on John’s continued absence. The night’s topic gives insight into the sleeping habits of Doctor Arturo Bellerophon and Mother Bellerophon and reminds Conroy of a former colleague who became involved with weaponized caffeine. This episode features commercials for Bro and Plunger in the Mornings and Finance My Fedora.

With John’s continued absence, Doctor Arturo Bellerophon and Mother Bellerophon fill in again. Mother Bellerophon is initially disinterested in the topic of lawn darts, but the topic compels J. to talk about a horrific encounter from his past, which leads to Doctor Bellerophon seeing J. as a father figure. This episode features commercials for Lollicop...

Having abruptly (and explosively) left the studio at the end of the last episode, John is nowhere to be found, so longtime fans of the show, Doctor Arturo Bellerophon and Mother Bellerophon, fill in and share their thoughts on VHS Cassettes. The conversation goes to many places, including–for better or worse–yeti love. This episode features...

Before discussing elevator operators, J. mentions a recent Neural Containment System malfunction, which inadvertently calls attention to John’s melancholy. This eventually leads to John doing the unthinkable–something that could change the show forever… This episode features commercials for Mushroom Motors and The Snout Sucker.

After the woolly mammoth is briefly discussed, Stanislaw contacts his superiors, hoping to receive clearance to talk about a Russian cloning facility. J. has a hard time not relating anything prehistoric to The Flintstones. John talks about his days of fox hunting, and…bares his soul. This episode features commercials for Soup to Nuts and The...

John’s introduction takes longer than usual, but, eventually, the night’s topic, Bob Ross, is discussed. Orson educates everyone on the painting process of yetis. The word “idiom” is used incorrectly…many times. This episode features commercials for Stigma Ta Ta and Mushroom Motors.

Before discussing monocles, Conroy talks about gauging distances with promises. Speaking of monocles, John talks about the need to balance comfort and style. A call is received from Doctor Arturo Bellerophon and Mother Bellerophon, who claim to have big news. And John makes a claim of his own: J. blushed. This episode features commercials for...

As the night’s topic is discussed, Stanislaw shares a tragic story of love, loss and Pogs. The focus on games reminds J. of an odd encounter with a man for whom Parcheesi may have become all too real. This episode features commercials for Go To Shell and Bro and Plunger in the Mornings.

With Orson’s announcement that he will be smoking a pipe, the studio is turned into a smoking section before tailfins are discussed. While Orson goes on to share some information on how yeti get around, John struggles against running with some very tempting innuendo. This episode features commercials for The Sundial Buddy and Big Paper,...

With the topic of printed encyclopedias, J. sees an opportunity to share some thoughts on home decorating, but, for Conroy, this topic reminds him of a delivery that he made a long time ago to a cardigan-wearing, pipe-smoking man who enjoyed showing off his tongue and his landscaping. This episode features commercials for Soup to...

Before discussing M.C. Escher, Stanislaw informs everyone about a recent spacecraft accident involving his 27-year-old pet guinea pig, Sputnik. A disgruntled contractor calls the show. John makes the case for math-free art. This episode features commercials for Evil Feline Prison and Fishin’ Buddy Finder.

The topic of duels leads to Orson educating everyone on the specifics of yeti dueling, or “Boomshakalaka,” with Orson even going so far as to explain the specifics of “Sh-Boom.” John laments never having dueled. This episode features commercials for Hot Grind and Piddle.

After discussing the manner in which the previous episode came to an eerie end, the topic of water-activated stamps compels Conroy to open up about a woman who he used to travel with…and Conroy’s story causes J.’s Neural Containment System to undergo a forced shutdown. This episode features commercials for Fermashave Footwear and July Four...

The sight of the beverage Orbitz causes quite a stir in the studio, eventually prompting J. to share a story about a former neighbor of his who had a taste for loud music, unusual cocktails and even more unusual exits. Then, while discussing the mysteries left behind by this weird beverage, things become even weirder…...

Before the topic of driving gloves is discussed, listeners are introduced to first-time guest Orson Escanaba, who is a yeti. Unfortunately, the topic of driving gloves reminds Orson of a blasphemous act perpetrated against his race. Unsurprisingly, John finds a way to bring up women. This episode features commercials for The RetractoSpork and Light Touch.

Listeners are introduced to both the topic of milkmen and first-time guest Conroy Pike, who is considered by many to be the world’s greatest courier. While the topic of milk takes John back to his sensual past, it prompts J. to tell the tale of an encounter with someone…or some…thing that may have only looked...