The Steven Tyler Book Club

The gang are back for the final episode of the Steven Tyler Bookclub! The gang discuss: -Robin Hood -Feet -Track Suit and Steven Tyler! Thank you to all the folks who listened to this!! We love you and we will be back!

The gang are back to discuss Steven Tyler's continued descent into drug addiction, give a detailed biography of Kelsey Grammer, smoking combs and big timing the Joe Perry Project. 

EDIT: Jordan informed me that the tracks fell out of sync around 27 minutes in. Its now fixed. Sorry folks. The fellas go into a dark  place with discussions on mass murder, Time Travel and Steven Tyler's incredibly fucked up and weird looking feet.

NOTE FROM DREW: The sound quality is a little off on this episode and we make more mic noise than usual. I sincerely apologize  for the  boys on the Steve Hoffman audiophile message board that, despite being a high quality file optimized for the Pono music device, I just wasn't on my game maintaining those levels. Yes, I used monster cables and yes I used the best mics I had at my disposal. That's the thing though, it wasn't an issue with the equipment. It was me man. I'm the issue. We continue to discuss Steven Tyler's aging body literally falling apart. The work of Robert Crumb (Crum?) is studied and evaluated under a rigorous scientific methodology. Also did you notice that his name rhymes with Cum? Somehow we missed this during the episode.

The gang are back to discuss chapter 13.5 in which Steven Tyler rides the meteoric success of "I Don't Want To Miss a Thing" directly into a pile of drugs.

The fellas are once again back to discuss the seminal rock group "Hot Action Cop". Stephen's favorite character in the Alien franchise is the robot who tries to kill Sigourney Weaver by chocking her with a porn mag. Steven goes to rehab for sex and other stuff. He's an idiot. Sylvester Stallone stops by. Thanks for coming by Sylvester and for casting me in Expendables 4.

The gang are back to discuss Chapter 12 of the massive piece of shit "Does the Noise in my Head Bother You?". We dive into the fundamental contradiction of Steven Tyler, What are bodies? What are boobs and what do they look like?, he believes the Knights Templar conspiracy ("He's so fucking dumb"-Drew) Steven Tyler is friend to the Gay Community (GC), Steven Tyler and incest (guess what he loves it).  

The gang are back to discuss the the walking sack of trash known as Steven Tyler Stephen tells a joke/Bulletproof vests/Hellraiser franchise discussion/Drinking piss.

NOTE FROM DREW: I'm kind of a dummy. I forgot the add the audio file for this episode, so it didn't publish. The episode has been available on the soundcloud, but for you folks its brand new. This was recorded between chapters 5 and 6, hence the 5.5. Since this is technically new content, I am renaming it 9.5.5 The gang discuss Steven Tyler's 3 year relationship with the then 16 year old Julia Holcomb. This culminates in a pregnancy, a serious health scare and eventually an abortion due to Tyler's pressure. Although there are jokes, this is a very different episode with a serious topic and minimal editing. We did the best we could discussing the subject, but openly acknowledge that its an awkward subject for three 30 + year old men to discuss. Apologies for the sound quality at point because Jordan and I were constantly batting our mics.

Jordan is injured and could not make it to the studio, so the fellas brought the studio to Jordan and holy shit he has a bunch of cats/Fleetwood Mac Omniscience/For the first time on the Steven Tyler Book Club, one of the boys confidently makes a claim that turns out to be 100% false/ Zunk and his cumplane return...we learn his last name!  

The gang are joined by writer, musician and podcaster, Josiah Hughes of the Blink-155 podcast! Jordan, Stephen and Drew have each written a hypothetical/alternative universe Steven Tyler Rock Opera. Each of them will present their work and Josiah will choose the winner. The prize? The respect and admiration of their peers... There are a lot of laughs, Jordan wrote a fucking song and Stephen did a thing. Please join us as we make podcasting history. Check out Josiah's work at: Blink-155 Podcast at twitter.com/blink155pod Musical Supergroup Pre Nup at twitter.com/pre_nup and twitter.com/pre_nup Drew's Album Covers Jordan's Lyrics to Does the Noise in My Head Bother You? They call me Steven Tallarico I grew up at Trow-Rico That's a cabin out Sunapee way well I can do 26 straight backflips and I had fucked by the time I was 8 I was raised in a foxhole by a sweetie mama vixen and I suckled at her furry teats I smoked a sweet sativa leaf-a with the wood-a land-a creatures and my mouth began to outrun me Does the noise in my head bother you? Gotta whole magician's sleeve of tricks I wanna put to use Does the noise in my head bother you? pretty baby I got enough of my freak-quency for two Got my wings like a chicken on the prowl for fishy kitten if you see me overhead then duck I gotta feminine side like a rosy blushing bride who knows she bout to get her flower plucked I see the darkness in your soul you wanna ride the fire pole til my extinguisher shoots its foam yeah I'm the banshee demon with the pressure washer semen Let me strip your headlights of their chrome Does the noise in my head bother you? Got a ten-inch licorice root for you to chew Does the noise in my head bother you? why don't you shimmy out your panties let me taste your honeydew well it's getting pretty loud here in my noggin snow all on my nose like the front of a toboggan and the syllables are beatin on the walls inside of my brain But now my lies and contradictions got me tied up with restrictions see addiction's my affliction, sacramental benediction but despite my worst predictions my convictions still remain Does the noise in my head bother you? oooh little sweetie teenie mama put your lips on my kazoo Does the noise in my head bother you? Won't you honk on Bobo ‘cause my balls are singin the blues Does the noise in my head bother you? like a cigarette butt that won't come off of your shoe Does the noise in my head bother you? you know I snorted up a mountain of blow fresh from Peru Does the noise in my head bother you?

The little kid from Two and a Half Men likes Black People/Zappa is bad/Cocaine, cocaine and COCAINE!!!/Richard Nixon, Cum Smuggler/Steven Tyler does more sex crimes/Steven Tyler defeats racism.

An extended 8 minute riff on dicks/Drew's and Jordan's brains have been destroyed by reading this book/Zunk/Zero G Coke Snorting/Liter of Semen/More Cocaine talk

The gang get serious for a minute/Steven Tyler is a disgusting an awful person/Steven Tyler invented the landing strip pubic hair style/Smith v. Tyler/Histories greatest monster/Drew does a monologue/"I saw Macca massaging her stump"/DLR sextape.

Stephen betrays the pod/Drew is becoming a monster/Steven Tyler is God and Stephen talks about made for Netflix horror movies/More talk of bestiality/For most of the episode Drew tries to get the podcast back on the rails while simultaneously pushing it towards complete nonsense/SKULL BRAID

Jordan white knights Joe Perry's BBQ Sauce/Steven Tyler meets Joe Perry and his guitar playing gives Steven Tyler a boner. Its definitely a musical boner and not a horny boner because Joe Perry looks like an HR GIGER drawing/Stephen proposes that Steven Tyler is Dr. Manhatten/Joey Kramer gets bullied/SPECIAL GUEST ANTHONY KIEDIS!!!/Painting with Orgone/The gang get serious

EPISODE 2: TROUT POND REPLICA Jordan is confused/Drew coins the grossest euphemism/Stephen takes on an erotic journey/CROSSTOWN TRAFFIC!!!/Steven Tyler shows some vulnerability and Stephen is not buff/Home Alone/After getting cut in the last two episodes, the fellas finally get to discuss Steven Tyler's dick/True and False/Stranger in Moscow

It had to happen at some point, Drew's love of Jazz is untethered/Steven Tyler Durden/Stephen shames people named Steve/Special Mystic Boulder/"I did my first backflip in that barn"/Steven Tyler's sexual awakening involves Chuck Berry and Horses/The crew spend 20% of the 20 minute show on an extended riff on beastiality.