Podcasts about episode friendship

What is Normal? Today’s episode centers around this complex question. Leslie and Leslyn begin their discussion considering topics such as: how to define normal, what is seen as the norm in society, and why there are so many problems with how we look at it today. Leslyn shares insights into the reasoning behind why we feel the need to have a normal outlined in our everyday life, how we are unknowingly connecting the word to value, and what we see as right and wrong. At the end of this episode, Leslie and Leslyn present a few questions to ponder yourself at Try This at Home! In this episode, we discuss…Introductions -- Is that Normal? [00:01]Show Intro [00:18]Start of the Podcast [01:04]Definition of Normal [01:52]Problems with the Changing “Normal” [03:46]Grieving Example [04:56]Education Example [07:00]Where the Crawdads Sing [09:18]When Values Comes Into Play [11:41]Second Definition of Normal [13:40]Fair and Normal [15:08]Share and Touch Base with Us! [15:54]Back to Fair [16:15]What is Normal to You? [16:42]The Comfort in Normal [17:51]The Ever-evolving Norm [19:39]The Value of the Abnormal [21:35]Being Abnormal isn’t Always Bad [22:51]Conforming to Society [24:05]Today’s Question [27:03]Closing Points [28:45]Episode Notes:Have you ever thought to yourself, “Is that Normal?” We all have been there and in today’s episode, Leslie and Leslyn dive into what normal really is and the aspects surrounding such an idea. They begin today’s discussion with a definition of what the word means and come up with a correlated word that people usually use in describing their idea of normal: most. Leslie, states that normal is usually seen as numerous most. The biggest being, what do most people do in a certain situation, is that what normal is? Conversations about what the spectrum of normal is displayed as come up and for again, most, people and even social psychologist define normal using a bell curve.The base idea of a bell curve is a hill-shaped pattern that resembles a bell and is plotted with normal being defined as one or two standard deviations away from the mean. But this normal cannot be determined without the outliers those who would not fall in the umbrella of normal.Leslyn shares that in our culture, one of our fundamental human needs is to categorize. This drive is then exhibited as our need to categorize and label what depicts normal. But there is a problem with this. As they discuss more it is recognized that normal is perceived diversely by each individual. Leslyn points out that what we think is abnormal now, changes over time and could even be quite normal in different circumstances.An example they discuss is how people grieve. There is not one way to grieve, everyone grieves in an alternate way, and you cannot judge someone on how they grieve. Which brings them to question, is there a right or wrong way to grieve? Is there a right or wrong to normal? They run into the classification problem in determining if something is normal without the basis of right or wrong. Leslyn explains, we as humans are applying the sentiment of right or wrong to things when that’s not even the issue in the matter.The education example they discuss shows this we cannot put a right or wrong on benchmarks that our child is expected to hit at a certain age. It may be seen as normal for your child to hit a benchmark, but does it make it wrong if they do not by the expected time? Leslie believes not, as there can be a standard of normal without it being wrong. Leslyn adds that this “normal” is only that compared to a subset of a particular population.Leslyn decides to take this education example a step further by mentioning the book, “Where the Crawdads Sing” by Delia Owens [link below]. Where a girl is ultimately seen as an outlier and Leslyn poses the question, is this girl being an outlier and not falling into the idea of what a normal kid is, does that necessarily mean the girl is wrong? Again, Leslie states it’s not normal but it isn’t wrong, especially in comparison to something like murder.This is where the discussion turns as values have come into play. Leslyn explains, you must be very, very careful when you’re thinking about normal and our ability to apply judgement to such a thing. An alternative definition of normal is then proposed, what is normal for me?On the second half of the podcast, the differences in the norm pose two questions: what is normal for you and what’s normal for the population at large. Leslyn explains that what she thinks is at play on determining normalcy is that people with anxiety seek to establish a sense of emotional safety. The fear-based aspect causes us to rush to develop habits and acquire a sense of comfort.The talk of value is mentioned again this time on abnormal. Leslyn believes that there is value in the abnormal. It seems that the abnormal is vital as Leslyn continues as if we did not accept abnormal thinking, abnormal behavior, abnormal ideas then nothing would ever change because no one would step foot out of what is considered normal, or what everyone else is doing. If abnormal is not always wrong and can have value, does that mean the rules we live by loose meaning?Leslie mentions in the discussion how laws are just a construct and is seen as a normal way to behave in society. Leslyn shares her belief that if we live in a society and choose to participate in said society, we almost have an obligation to humanity to conform to certain ideals and laws that will benefit the society as a whole. In terms of this scenario, it seems logical to want to follow the norm and not be one of the outliers on the societal bell curve. Leading to the need for good reasoning and being aware to make it through this conundrum.Leslie and Leslyn summarize this discussion with a question, a burning question, of the week.They challenge their listeners to question what defines you and what is normal for you? Leslie and Leslyn encourage their listeners to take this home and think about it, what defines you?Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home!Next Week’s Episode: Friendship!One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help!We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful.Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.comLinks to Look At:Interested in reading, “Where the Crawdads Sing” by Delia Owens?https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36809135-where-the-crawdads-singInterested in reading, “Educated” by Tara Westover?https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35133922-educatedCan’t Get Enough? Follow us on our other platforms!Twitter: https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5QListen to the Podcast at https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/ or on iTunes, Spotify, and Sticher!

When you’re a busy, driven, ambitious woman, having real friendships with other grown women can be difficult. It’s not easy to create time, space and energy to nurture relationships - so what are we supposed to do? In this episode we talk about the reality that is creating authentic friendships and prioritizing what we look for in other women. Your episode worksheet: Femmefluence.com/ep16 Key Points from this Episode: Friendship has always been a love / wanna be loved relationship for me.  If you’ve just joined us on Femmefluence Radio, you may have heard my story of being heavily bullied growing up. So bullied that during the summers when we were out of school I was actually more scared than when we were in school - because it gave the bullies (all girls) more time to harass me. I spent a few summers literally without hair on my head because of being what we called in our little town “mobbed” when I was out and about. The few friends that I had, I cherished. But I did dream of a day when I’d have girls around me who not only had my back, but that I could have deep, meaningful relationships with. That I could bring myself fully to. I wanted that Sex in the City life - I wanted my personal Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte (of course I was Carrie because #shoes)... But in my early 20s, instead of making that a priority, I was swept up with marriage, motherhood, career...my few friends growing up were definitely on a different track than me - we had zero in common. I grieved that because the 2 friends I actually had growing up felt so distant. I thought I’d never have life-giving, nourishing, REAL-ationships with women in the way I dreamed ever. I felt envy for those those that seemed to have those girlfriend trips, book clubs, hangouts at church and after-work mixers - and it wasn’t that I wasn’t invited, I just felt that I didn’t belong. But I also knew that the type of women I wanted to become close with had to have at least a few qualities and values that made our interactions meaningful and deep. I abhor small talk so if I was going to spend time away from my kids and career, I wanted to create relationships that had a few things in common: ambitious and unapologetic about it, loved travel, and invested in personal development.  Optional: they had kids or a family life that has high on the priority list without being a victim to it. Also wasn’t overly sensitive and understood that we’re all busy, but were committed to each other in a “be there for you in a kind of way”.  Basically, I was always looking to build a relationship with grown women who genuinely cared. I honestly didn’t know it they existed because of my former programming and beliefs growing up. Plus, let’s get real: LIFE can totally get in the way. But it’s becoming even more important in today’s world (and it won’t be getting easier with technology replacing connection IRL). Western societies have become more socially isolated over the decades because of all of it. And it’s causing major health issues - mentally and physically.  Any amount of increase in our social isolation would be bad news, because friendship isn't just about fun, fellowship and emotional health. Having friends can improve physical health, too.  So my friend listening in here...here’s why WE need to make friendship a priority in our lives - while having discernment around who gets to have our time and energy (because hello, we’re ambitious women changing the world - we need to be sentinels of our time, while being with a squad that supports us) Here are the top 3 reasons why FRIENDSHIP makes us more effective Femmefluencers: Friends may extend your life and generally, make you healthier and sharper People who have strong social relationships are less likely to die prematurely than people who are isolated. In fact, according to a 2010 review of research, the effect of social ties on life span is twice as strong as that of exercising, and equivalent to that of quitting smoking. Friendships also keep your mind sharp - having friends who make you feel like you belong may be a key for better physical health. A 2012 study found that older people's dementia risk increased with their feelings of loneliness. If we live longer (and feel good while living) we can help more people.  Friends influence us (for better or worse) Obesity is contagious, screamed headlines, after a 2007 study that found that when one person packed on extra pounds, his or her friends were more likely to become obese, too. But there was an overlooked bright side to the research, which appeared in the New England Journal of Medicine. Thinness spread like social wildfire, too. Your BFFs can help you through tough stuff As the song goes, We all need somebody to lean on and research on cancer patients finds that when the going gets tough, friends can help because friends can help you cope with rejection Not all social relationships can go smoothly, unfortunately. But when they don't, friends can help you pick up the pieces. [The Science of Breakups: 7 Facts About Splitsville] A 2011 study on fourth-graders found that having friends helped kids cope with the stress of being picked on or rejected by other classmates. The researchers measured cortisol, a stress hormone, in their study participants' saliva and found that being excluded by their peers raised the kids' cortisol levels, probably indicating chronic stress. (Getting picked on didn't raise cortisol levels, the researchers reported in the journal Child Development, suggesting that getting left out may hurt more than getting attention in a negative way.) But the cortisol increase that came with being excluded was less pronounced in kids who had more friendships or closer friendships, compared with those who had few or low-quality friendships. In my 30’s I started getting serious about filling the friendship void I felt in my life. I had a few sweet friends, but in all honesty, they always felt like I had to conform to make it work for them - “Jen how come you’re not coming to the potluck?”  So I started to see how I had to show up to make what I wanted happen. I got therapy specifically to work on this area of my life - relationships. I knew that I had to start with me first and only that would change who would start showing up in my life. I looked for places where I thought grown women would be - and bravely stepped into them (and I hate going to places where I don’t know anyone!). I joined things that I had genuine interest in my life - a book club, a women’s executive group, and scheduled actual play time weekly with my daughters and other moms. If I’m being honest, I hated it at first, but part of making a transformation is 1) being uncomfortable, and 2) seeing it though.  I started inviting people to have small meet-ups over coffee with me - to get out of the house on the weekends and to do one of my favorite things, coffee! My dear friend @Jadah Sellner, has taught me so much about friendship, and has a few tips that she shared on Instagram that have truly made me a better friend.  I’ll let you check it out (her info will be in the shownotes) but the main one that really hit home for me is: Don’t take things personally. Keep asking and inviting - people are busy and it’s usually not personal if they can’t make it.  Whew. Because of my upbringing that felt like the hugest risk - the risk for rejection. But one other thing that I started doing the past couple years is being 100% available for Squad Trips with my 3 closest gal pals - Jadah, Nikki and Nicole. All 3 of us are running global businesses, have families to care for, and travel quite a bit, especially for events and speaking. Still, once a quarter we choose a place to intersect, integrate, be ourselves, catch up, eat meals together and talk about #allthethings. Mostly things that we keep sacred for ourselves, out of the public eye and only shared with people we trust. It’s not inauthentic to not share everything with everyone just because social media gives us the opportunity to NOT filter ourselves. Our time together is a respite outside of our families to discuss anything that’s on our mind, not ready or available for outside consumption. In between, we have a channel on the Voxer app where we can chat it up but there’s no pressure to check-in on a schedule. We jump on when we can, and when we want to share something or ask for support too. Just a few years ago this would’ve been something that I would have not prioritized, but now it’s an anchor on my calendar - an event as important as my business ones, my family trips and my nail + brow appointments, ok?  Making new friends as an adult can feel a little awkward, so here are some ideas to think about outside of what I’ve already shared. Talk about your passion. You’ll attract others who are passionate about the same things as you if you share those things - love reading, music, fashion, science, Peloton? Having shared interests help start creating community and new friends will naturally vibe towards you. Values-driven discernment. This show is all about that, and if you live your life aligned with your values, those that have the same and/or linked values with yours will show up. Mine are autonomy, justice, generosity, legacy and leadership, and I actually enjoy having my own business and love talking about it; for some people that bore the hell out of them. For me, a woman walking her values is the epitome of integrity, and someone I like to spend time with. Be a better friend to YOURSELF. Have you ever done a solo date? Totally enjoyed yourself with yourself? Doing this on a regular basis tells you what you really love, and how you show up for yourself. And that energy radiates with the people you want attract and connect with. Be a contributor and generous, but let your friends know when you’re needing some boundaries around a deadline or just don’t have the energy to hang out. I used to ghost out because I didn’t want them to worry about me, but they ended up worrying about me anyway! Be fluid and flexible too - any rigidity in a relationship never feels fun or good for anyone. I say: be committed, not attached - keep your word and check on your strong friends.  Female friendships are still something I’m fiercely committed to being better at and in order to get better at it, I've realized that there's a certain level of discernment needed in order to know how to call people to their accountability, call people to their integrity, how to not use pink slime against other women and how spiritual bypassing has actually ruined friendships in my life.  Next episode we’ll talk all about that.    

In this weeks Episode "Friendship" we get into a discussion about noticing red flags when it comes to friends, evolving with your friends and we define important qualities we look for in friendship. #Cheers --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/makeupbreakupsmartinis/support

"Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each others' eyes for an instant?"  - Henry David Thoreau Links from the Episode: Friendship by Henry David Thoreau Questions of the Day: Who is one person you could forgive right now? Who is someone you disagree with at this moment? Is there a way to see through their eyes about a certain situation. Is the way you live your life perfect for everyone? Actions of the Day: Spend five minutes visualizing the life of someone you do not get along with.  See them with their family at a holiday dinner.  See them spending time with a member of their family Resources from the Episode: Join the ZEN commuter/5 Minute Mojo newsletter and get your meditation resource guide along with tools and tips on how to live a calmer life.  Join others who are living peacefully by clicking here. Become a super-fan of ZEN commuter and 5 Minute mojo and receive bonuses exclusively for Patreon subscribers. THANKS FOR LISTENING! Thanks again for listening to the show! If it has helped you in any way, please share it using the social media buttons you see on the page. Also, reviews for the podcast on iTunes are extremely helpful, they help it reach a wider audience.  The more positive reviews the higher in the rankings it goes.  Of course that means more peace in the world.  So please let me know what you think.  I read ever one of them. If you have an idea for a topic or just want to say hey, drop me an email. The best part of producing ZEN commuter and 5 Minute Mojo is talking with listeners.  Don't be shy.  Drop me a line. 

On this Episode: Friendship show with Ari Goldkind, Scott Shallow, Steve The Mortgage Warrior, and Jim Martin! Plus the new secret society group: The Kosher Pigs!