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[Hey there! This blog will always be free to read, but it's also how I pay my bills. And it's also my birthday week. So, if you like what you read, please consider a paid subscription.]I turned 36 this past week. It happened in the blink of an eye, and I've been so busy working, so exhausted, that I missed it.Somewhere, about 35,000 feet above the earth's skin between Chicago and San Francisco, I gained another year.It was not a quiet day. At noon, I had been lucky enough to do a virtual keynote interview with the hyper-brilliant Angelica Ross to open up the 2022 Lesbians Who Tech San Francisco Summit. But prior to that was an outside piece that needed to be written and a dozen phone calls to make related to the Midterms. There was submitting a signed release for an upcoming podcast appearance. There was checking on an op-ed pitch a brilliant former student had written that I was attempting to get placed. There were two loads of laundry that needed to be done at the crack of dawn. There were a few letters to write that I somehow managed to get to the Post Office during lunch, and I still don't know how I swung that.There was the flight to catch at 5pm at DCA, but before that—and all throughout the day, amidst everything else—there was the annual birthday online fundraiser to do for Running Start, which, thankfully, mercifully, went very well. (By the way, thank you to everyone who donated to it.) I reached the airport early enough to get my ticket fixed at the United counter to have TSA precheck included (and thus, avoid the body scanners), and when the agent handed over the updated boarding pass and my driver's license back to me, she offered a warm “happy birthday” with a big smile, which I realized was the first time someone had said that to me in-person all day, grateful as I was for all my friends' loving texts.I honestly don't remember the first leg to O'Hare. I slept for most of it after attempting, in vain, to keep my eyes open long enough to read “Mad Honey”, the brilliant new novel by Jodi Picoult and Jenny Boylan.There was an hour layover in Chicago, and then we loaded up for the second and final leg to San Francisco.One of my seat mates was a woman who hadn't flown in a few decades. In a nervous tic kinda way, she revealed basic facts about herself to me before takeoff, as though imparting information that could be useful if we're somehow separated in a Nebraska cornfield. She said she's much older than me (verbatim). She said she's a stenographer. She said she's taking a much needed vacation. She said she's tired of men and how nice it was to sit beside women on a long flight. She said all this within five minutes of my having sat beside her. She said all these things in an endearing manner that made it impossible not to like her.She was nervous and quite lovely and I attempted, as best I could, to answer her very reasonable questions about air travel that understandably would come to mind for someone who hadn't been on an airplane since the Clinton Administration.We made small talk, with random divergences into deeper subjects, and while our other seat mate went to the restroom, the woman leaned over to me and asked where I wanted to be in a few decades. It was an odd question to ask in the flow of our conversation, a weird hybrid throwaway between a job interview and escalated banter on a date.I hadn't mentioned my birthday to either of them and what had been on my mind all that day — honestly, for the preceding several weeks. It felt too heavy, which is ironic given that she had seemingly read my mind with that question.January 17th, 2049.I wanted to tell her—and of course, I would never have said this—that my answer is to be alive long enough to reach that date.It's on that day that I will have spent most of my life in my authentic skin. I will be 62 years old when I have reached the majority of my life existing outside the closet, existing as my true self. As of this evening, that's 26 years, two months, and 29 days away. But I did not tell her this, of course. Reasonable adults can disagree, but it felt a bit garish to get so existential before the drink cart had arrived. It's common courtesy, I believe, to avoid discussion of mortality on an airplane without at least a drink in hand.“I want to be happy,” I finally told her, with an intonation of humor. She looked at me for a second.“You will be,” she said earnestly, parrying my jokey response. “But in the meantime, you're beautiful.”And sometimes, we are reminded that a little bit of warmth from a stranger goes a very long way.Ma'am, wherever you are, I hope your return flight was a peaceful one.Charlotte's Web Thoughts is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Hi, I'm Charlotte Clymer, and this is Charlotte's Web Thoughts, my Substack. It's completely free to access and read, but it's also how my bills! So, please do kindly consider upgrading to a paid subscription: just $7/month or save money with the $70/annual sub. You can also go way above and beyond by becoming a Lifetime Member at $210. Get full access to Charlotte's Web Thoughts at charlotteclymer.substack.com/subscribe
In this episode, we talk with idealist, legal advocate, and author ellie krug (she/her) about the LGBT book She's Not There by Jennifer Finney Boylan. ellie told us, "I will say that the book caused me to pivot. It did. There's no question about it. But it also helped me believe that maybe I can write a book." Then we discuss writing She's Not There with Jennifer Finney Boylan (she/her) nearly 20 years after it was first published. Jenny shared, "Looking at it now, I think there's a little bit of the aroma of apology to the book. There's a certain sense in She's Not There of trying to justify myself." Our conversation with ellie and Jenny range from cathartic writing vs. good storytelling, navigating loss while living authentically, and how trans narratives have changed over the past two decades.Transcripts available at: thisqueerbook.com/podcast/shes-not-thereBuy the LGBT books on this LGBT podcast at our Bookshop: bookshop.org/shop/thisqueerbookPre-order Mad Honey: penguinrandomhouse.com/books/598975/mad-honey-by-jodi-picoult-and-jennifer-finney-boylan/Buy Getting to Ellen: A Memoir about Love, Honesty, and Gender Change: elliekrug.com/publications-columns/Support the show
Ep 6: Jason Chatfield (cartoonist, illustrator, comedian) Carole Montgomery (comedian, writer, producer, director) Kenice Mobley (comedian and filmmaker) Jenny Boylan (author, activist, GLAAD co-chair) John Hodgman (author, actor, humorist) Your hosts: Kate Willett Is a comedian, actress, and writer whose raunchy feminist storytelling is both smart and relatable. She just made her network debut on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and her 15 minute special premiered on Netflix in 2018. Her comedy album “Glass Gutter” was released in 2017. She’s the cohost of the political comedy podcast Reply Guys. Emily Flake is a New Yorker cartoonist, a writer, an illustrator, and performer. Her latest book is called Awkward Hug and before that was Mama Tried; both feature drawings and cusswords. Join comedian and New Yorker cartoonist Emily Flake and guest host Kate Willett as they talk to the funniest and most interesting people around about what messed up things go through their heads at night. They’ll poke around looking for deeper meaning behind that dream where you’re still in high school somehow even though you know you graduated years ago and oh god, you’ve been blowing off first period all semester – and then Emily will present each guest with artwork based on their worst nightmare, suitable for framing or ritual burning! Drawings by Emily Flake are posted on Good Orbit site and social media. Recorded Feb 11, 2019. Live show monthly (first Thursdays!) at KGB Bar in NYC. Live sound and recording by Chris Gersbeck. Produced and edited by Shannon Manning for Good Orbit. Jason Chatfield’s Nightmare Carole Montgomery’s Nightmare Kenice Mobley’s Nightmare Jenny Boylan’s Nightmare John Hodgman’s Nightmare
Ep 6: Jason Chatfield (cartoonist, illustrator, comedian) Carole Montgomery (comedian, writer, producer, director) Kenice Mobley (comedian and filmmaker) Jenny Boylan (author, activist, GLAAD co-chair) John Hodgman (author, actor, humorist) Your hosts: Kate Willett Is a comedian, actress, and writer whose raunchy feminist storytelling is both smart and relatable. She just made her network debut on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and her 15 minute special premiered on Netflix in 2018. Her comedy album “Glass Gutter” was released in 2017. She's the cohost of the political comedy podcast Reply Guys. Emily Flake is a New Yorker cartoonist, a writer, an illustrator, and performer. Her latest book is called Awkward Hug and before that was Mama Tried; both feature drawings and cusswords. Join comedian and New Yorker cartoonist Emily Flake and guest host Kate Willett as they talk to the funniest and most interesting people around about what messed up things go through their heads at night. They’ll poke around looking for deeper meaning behind that dream where you're still in high school somehow even though you know you graduated years ago and oh god, you've been blowing off first period all semester – and then Emily will present each guest with artwork based on their worst nightmare, suitable for framing or ritual burning! Drawings by Emily Flake are posted on Good Orbit site and social media. Recorded Feb 11, 2019. Live show monthly (first Thursdays!) at KGB Bar in NYC. Live sound and recording by Chris Gersbeck. Produced and edited by Shannon Manning for Good Orbit. Jason Chatfield’s Nightmare Carole Montgomery’s Nightmare Kenice Mobley’s Nightmare
Jenny Boylan’s mother once told her, “You can’t hate someone once you know their story.” A discussion on the changing narrative of Gender Dysphoria, with a look at “A Fantastic Woman.”
Parent Driven Development Episode 011: Being a Trans Parent 00:30 We're joined by our friend Jess (https://twitter.com/jszmajda) today We've been soliciting questions from our audience which will help guide our conversation today 02:00 How do you help young children who want to categorize everything in to boys and girls? How do we talk about boy parts and girl parts and gender identity especially with young children? It's a complex topic. Different children classify in different ways. Does it talk to how we socialize children? It changes when your children interact with other children in school. Science has proven that gender identity is mostly internal and it is in flux until children are around 3 and then they demonstrate more behaviors that can be associated with a specific gender. 07:50 How much do body parts relate to gender identity? Talking about body parts and explaining that you can't tell what a person is by looking at them. You need to ask, 9:00 Children see the world in different ways There's a need to talk to children in different ways because the way children classify and categorize are different. It's important to reach a child in a way that makes sense for them. You can still categorize and have these boundaries but talking about what defining characteristics and boundaries are is important. We're seeing more categories now that are gender non-binary or gender fluid and that's another set of categories to introduce and look for in books. When other people define those categories, it's also very difficult and overwriting peer pressure and social norms is tough. We have to understand details and nuance. Needing to overwrite social norms and outside influence is so much of parenting. It's a beautiful thing when parents can help their children learn compassion and talk through these questions. 14:14 If a child sees someone and wants to know what gender that person is, what is a good way to make sure we're guiding them correctly and having them ask in a way that is not offense and hurtful to the individual? Parents react in a variety of ways when children ask. Jess talks about some of the reactions she's gotten and what is helpful in the moment. The polite way to ask as an adult is "hi, my pronouns are and . What are your pronouns?" It's hard to tell by looking at folks so it can be normalized by just asking. Sarah talks about a camp that does this and the children have picked up on it super quickly. Kids are much more open to these discussions now than we are at our age and they might be more open to these discussions because they are being raised in a different time. 19:50 Listener comment Conversations about a trans girl in elementary school led to a lot of parental learning. 20:20 Are younger kids talking about this more and recognizing this earlier? Definitely. Talking about media representations and cultural expectations of trans people in the past and present. Late transitioners are going to become less and less common. 22:00 What's helpful as parents to make sure our children feel comfortable having these conversations with us? Podcast: How to be a girl (http://www.howtobeagirlpodcast.com/) about a parent raising a trans girl Book: Transgender 101 (https://www.amazon.com/Transgender-101-Simple-Guide-Complex/dp/0231157134) helps address these issues As well as some helpful questions and approaches for parents with children talking about gender identification. 25:00 - 28:30 How do you deal with people who can't understand? trigger warning Gender dysphoria and depression dysphoria and euphoria. Talking about calling in a support system and recognizing how to be honest with ourselves and our families. 29:00 As parents, how to support trans families? Best allies are simple things like using the correct pronouns because it's more about being a person and not about being trans. Jess shares a Mother's Day story which shows fellow parent support and an example of allyship. 32:00 How to help young children develop identity in a world of gender policing? Graciously accept gifts and then lose them. Trying to phrase things as play or as talking about play as what the child is doing. Giving children options is good as well. 36:00 What are good resources? Red: A Crayon's Story (https://www.amazon.com/Red-Crayons-Story-Michael-Hall/dp/0062252070) I am Jazz (https://www.amazon.com/I-Am-Jazz-Jessica-Herthel/dp/0803741073/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=) Kids books are few and far between. For adults, pflag (https://www.pflag.org/) chapters are also good. Jenny Boylan (http://jenniferboylan.net/) as an author is great. Jess is also happy to chat on twitter! 39:00 Genius / Fail moments Allison - I took my son to see the fireworks and he was excited but also terrified and asked to leave. I thought it was ok but then once we got home we needed to have a long discussion about how he's safe in the house from fireworks. I may have scarred him for life. #Fail Chris - My kids wanted to wash the truck which was great but then they got bored of washing and took the hose to the side yard and now it's a muddy mess. #Genius Jess - My son's daycare has been growing cucumbers and he brought home cucumbers to make pickles! #Genius Josh - The food wars continue. My daughter helps me pick out the meals that get sent every week so she recognizes that she's agreed to what gets sent. #Genius Sarah - My daughter drew a picture of being a spider vet when she grows up, but actually it was a spider pirate. She's got a great imagination. #Genius Also, future genius? Family vacations are hard so instead of a family trip. We're doing 1-on-1 trips depending on where each child wants to go. 53:40 Contact Us! Tell us if you have a question you want us to discuss on air! Follow & Support Please follow us @parentdrivendev (https://twitter.com/parentdrivendev) on Twitter or email us at panel@parentdrivendevelopment.com (mailto:panel@parentdrivendevelopment.com). Our website is at ParentDrivenDevelopment.com (https://parentdrivendevelopment.com) Support us via Patreon (https://www.patreon.com/parentdrivendev) and get access to our our Slack Community. Panel: Josh Puetz (https://twitter.com/joshpuetz) Sarah Olson (https://twitter.com/saraheolson) Allison McMillan (https://twitter.com/allie_p) Chris Sexton (https://twitter.com/crsexton) Special Guest: Jess Szmajda.
Some of our favorite recent stories about books and the people who make them. Kurt talks with Claudia Rankine about capturing what racism really feels like in “Citizen: An American Lyric,” and to Helen Oyeyemi about her very un-Disney re-imagining of Snow White. The writer Sadie Stein defends the word “moist” against all those who get the heebie-jeebies saying it. And the novelists Richard Russo and Jenny Boylan talk about the big plot turns in their books – and in their friendship. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Some of our favorite recent stories about books and the people who make them. Kurt talks with Claudia Rankine about capturing what racism really feels like in “Citizen: An American Lyric,” and to Helen Oyeyemi about her very un-Disney re-imagining of Snow White. The writer Sadie Stein defends the word “moist” against all those who get the heebie-jeebies saying it. And the novelists Richard Russo and Jenny Boylan talk about the big plot turns in their books – and in their friendship. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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