Blacksplaining Podcast

Please stop getting on the internet lying about being a better person in the new year. I encourage regression. Let's all become worse people.

When I say ‘weak a*s' you say ‘b*tch'.

Oh so you have never done anything stupid in your life? I'll take 'Shit that ain't true for 1000 Alex.'

Some of y'all are missing your damn minds. Let's search for those.

It'll be a chilly day in hell before I let one of these raggedy n*ggas tell me a damn thing.

This morning you turned your drawls inside out to wear them for the third day in a row and then used your boost mobile phone to comment "Beyoncé isn't even that good looking". Interesting.

It should have been Clarence Thomas on that submarine.

Focusing and making friends are the two largest threats to my sanity.

We can either be given reparations or as the poet laureate Pooh Sheisty once said, we can get it back in blood.

Sometimes the lesson isn't in the resolution of the problem, it's letting go of the problem all together. Or cussing them out. Idk, it's early as hell.

I try to tailor the advice I give so that it is helpful but general so you can never get me on Iyanla crying into her bangs because I ruined your life.

This week we have very special guests; the ladies of @spillitcardgame! Let's get real and talk business, friendship, and chasing your dreams!

Community matters, but in order to find it, you have to decolonize your mind. Please go outside touch some grass and drink some water! This week featuring special guests @ndionm, @nala.cm, & @naiee_!

Sure, your auntie was takin over for the 99 to the 2000 at Freaknik but your uncle was there too and only one of them got caught shoving a Nokia flip phone in somebody's thong. Who should we really be concerned to see in the documentary?

Maybe Clarence Thomas knows Olivia Pope? Otherwise the GOP is gonna let his black ass fry like some catfish.

As a former awkward black teen I would like to be issued a formal apology from Olive Oil Relaxers, Angela & Vanessa Simmons for making those pastry shoes, and every man that called me weird only to be in my DMs asking me what that mouth do. I will wait.

In the year of our lord 2023 let's stop pretending that people aren't having sex. I watched 25 gender reveals online today alone so somebody out there bussin' it down. Let's be for real here.

Adult friendships are hard, and even more so when they're draining all of your energy. Also, comedians are complaining again but still not being funny. I'm confused.

I don't hesitate to leave things that aren't serving me right where they are, jobs, men, bad friendships, and those $1500 Beyonce tickets.

Some of these lies men come up with are creative, don't get me wrong. We have all been lied to creatively. This week we're talking secret wives, complicated living situations and other scary dating horror stories.

So we all just gone be single forever? Since you got your degree and you know everything! 

Happy Black History Month! Let's decide if I'm going to pay my rent or buy Beyoncé tickets. Additionally, let's celebrate by telling white people lies. That's what this country was built on anyway .

I will no longer be listening to people who's hot takes are 'I don't really drink water' or 'Who reads books anymore?'. I've had enough.

It's the new year and I've got a new lease on life. Same b*tch though. Let's get real about growth, introspection and how hard it can be to change.

As we approach the new year here's a reminder that it is never too late to start minding your business. Also if you are Viola Davis snot bubble crying over something someone said on the internet, it might be time to seek help.

Merry Christmas y'all! Don't forget to give the gift of shutting your ass up this year! Or a gift card to Target, whatever works.

I am no longer Ms. Quit A Job, I have been rehabilitated! Additionally, every single man I had to convince to be a better person this year will be getting claimed on my 2023 taxes.

What a shame that after that delightful song and dance you did for massa yo black ass still ain't white!

Y'all better come up here and get one of these. It's some business of your own.

It's okay to not be okay. You matter and your feelings matter. Let's take some emotional stock together. Also, let's bring shame back to the internet cause your boyfriend shooting your house up and being forgiven after sending you an edible arrangement is concerning.

So after you wiped the Takis dust off your face and typed 'ur ugly anyway' under some woman's Instagram photo and left your mom's basement did you look for a job or?

This episode is low vibrational. So are you going to listen to the IG influencer trying to sell you a $500 empowerment package or you gone eat the cheeseburger?

B.F.F.R, what does that spell? Go to therapy.

Please stop fighting inside the Cheesecake factory about who pays for dinner and just get new friends. Featuring friend of the pod Sasha of the National Meat Treasure podcast!

This episode has a little sweetness to it. The white imperialist patriarchy has trapped you, sis. That man ain't sassy, he's just nice and your internalized misogyny is making you delusional. Let's discuss.

This week's theme is uplifting chaos. You are worthy and deserving of love with no contingencies but also why are my people trapped by the shackles of smash or pass videos? I'm no TD Jakes but I think this is what causes the rapture.

Jesus already paid it all on the cross, so Sallie Mae can take it up with the Apostles. After this 20k, don't give them people back their money. They'll be aight.

What's the standard outfit for shucking and jiving these days? Is there a costume or you just doing your song and dance for the white man in your work clothes?

Sometimes, you just need something positive and uplifting to get you through a hard week. You won't get that here though go listen to TD Jakes. Let's talk about shit I hate.

Men spend a lot of time policing women's autonomy, but that same traditional misogyny doesn't force them to build houses, fix cars, or die in war. Something's not adding up.

Do not ask me to send you $2.37 for the Uber. Please kiss my ass.

Where would be we without friends? This week let's talk friendships that fall apart, unpopular friendship opinions, boundaries, and the complexity of adult relationships

The BET awards and the evolution of how we consume media, track suits and Kangols, and why the R&B men aren't begging like they used to. Featuring friend of the pod Sasha, @thin.cruel.lips of the National Meat Treasure Podcast.

BOO! It's not a ghost. It's a boomer with no boundaries sending you a teams message at 4:59pm on a Friday. Scary huh?

Follow up to Episode 10 'Mo'Nique Wasn't Lying'. Instead of getting on the internet shaming fat women for the benefit of mens attention, you should work on getting a personality. Or a clue.

The white imperialist patriarchy once again has y'all in a chokehold. Fatphobia, desirability, and why skinny women really are evil.

There are only two guarantees in life. Guns and taxes. Or however that saying goes.

Don't let my productivity fool you, I love a good lazy day. It is vital to remember to prioritize yourself. Self care is important ALWAYS. And it can look many different ways. Let's take some time to intentionally prioritize ourselves and our own needs.

Being black in this country is exhausting. But white America seems to think that racism is over. Let's talk about the black experience and how it's shaped by a culture of white erasure.

Boo! No it's not a ghost, it's a broke man who listens to alpha male podcasts and wants to drive your car. Scary huh?

Follow up to Who Knows Best. Let's talk ableist language and projection. It may get a little uncomfy but Beyonce didn't invent the internet for you to act like this.