Diary of a Widow

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I was a 29 year old mother of three who had spent eleven years with my love. I was widowed. This diary begins five years after his death. I hope I captured the memories of the journey. The lessons. The joy. The sadness. The humor. The faith. The hope.


    • Jan 8, 2022 LATEST EPISODE
    • infrequent NEW EPISODES
    • 2m AVG DURATION
    • 129 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from Diary of a Widow

    How Long Do You Wait?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 8, 2022 3:18


    When I was a teenager, dating helped me determine the qualities I wanted in a man I married. I think it makes sense that it would be the same as an adult. But, "centered and balanced?" It has been five years, I still don't feel like I am quite there yet!

    Mother's Day

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 7, 2022 1:40


    For any mothers like me who play both mother and father, if Mother's Day was not perfect, start planning. Father's Day will be here soon. Yes, I expect to be honored then as well.

    When Suffering We May be Nearer to God Than We Have Ever Been in Our Entire Lives

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 5, 2022 0:41


    I am grateful for My New Life!

    Sometimes You Just Have to Draw the Line

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 4, 2022 3:48


    Will someone please remind me if this happens again what the problem is?

    What Was I Thinking?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 3, 2022 0:24


    Watching the portrayal of that pain makes me remember what it was like... and how I felt... and reminds me of pain I had forgotten I suffered.

    The Principle of Compensation

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 2, 2022 0:39


    Because Heavenly Father is merciful, a principle of compensation prevails.

    Musicals

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 1, 2022 1:04


    One of the perks of widowhood was deciding it was a great Mother's Day gift for me, and buying it.

    I Don't Dare Tell Him the Truth

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 31, 2021 2:15


    My sweet precious little boy. Despite his mother's craziness, he still has confidence in me.

    Feeling Selfish

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 30, 2021 1:30


    Did I mention I really want to go see a show? With my friend? Like an adult, who does something refined.

    Trying Not to Take it Personally

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 29, 2021 0:24


    "Why on television is it always the moms that die... but my dad died?""

    Ya Gotta Find Time Somewhere

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 28, 2021 0:30


    Thanks to my snowplow fairy, I have been able to survive another winter with minimal shoveling.

    I am Not Afraid of Breaking a Nail

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 27, 2021 3:35


    Lesson Manual: How to Be a Widow Think of everything you hate to do and sign up for any memberships that will get you out of doing it! i.e. AAA = no changing flat tires, no worries if you run out of gas, and someone else can come to jump your battery.

    Crying My Eyes Out Over My Eyes

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 26, 2021 1:49


    Crying... I just sat there crying. And I vowed to take better care of myself this year.

    I Had a Relationship with a Man and I Didn't Even Know His Name

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 25, 2021 2:48


    I am not so smooth in these situations...

    I Talked to Dad

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 24, 2021 0:40


    "Mom, I talked to dad. He said I could have it, but you will have to pay for it."

    It is Time You Get to Know the Truth

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 23, 2021 3:46


    It is because I am widowed that every day my life is crazy, because once upon a time, there was someone who kept me balanced and sane.

    The Little Things Like Garbage

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 23, 2021 1:49


    I am not a very structured person in some areas. So, to be told the exact date and time that my garbage had to be on the curb, I found it highly inconvenient!

    Healing with Media

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 22, 2021 1:40


    I have never been one to shy away from any type of media that addresses death. I embrace it. I think it is healing for the kids to be able to read or watch how another child handles the same trial they have been given. Isn't there something about feeling validated? That is in part why I speak this open diary, for all the widows out there who go through some of the same insanity, so they can be validated. Kids need that too. And books and movies are a great source. They also allow us to engage in some seriously healing conversations.

    A New Member of the Family

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 21, 2021 2:14


    I knew I wasn't giving him back. He was as crazy and wild as the rest of us and he belonged right here with us.

    BRAG

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 20, 2021 3:34


    As a widow, I miss my marriage. I miss the physical and emotional support my husband was to me. And this is in addition to missing the man. I guess for me the way I try to make up for this is to try and provide opportunities for others to go out to have regular date nights. Call me, I will babysit. Drop the kids off. It really does bring me joy to know I may be helping another couple fall more in love. Enable another couple to have the opportunity to enjoy each other. Time is precious. Don't waste it.

    Easy and Willing to Believe

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 19, 2021 2:02


    As I look back over the past five years and look at the outcomes of difficult decisions, I am grateful. Grateful that this has not been a journey I have walked alone. Grateful to my Savior for leading me, guiding me, and walking by me.

    Life is Not Calm

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 18, 2021 0:22


    We are engaged in an important work and we need to be at work accomplishing those things of importance.

    Charity - The Pure Love of Christ

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 17, 2021 1:44


    Do I show pure love to others? I need it from my Savior, but do I in turn show it to others, including my oldest son? Complete acceptance for who they are, despite what their shortcomings may be.

    Missing Chris

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 16, 2021 2:44


    My daughter is blessed with her dad's voice.

    Easter

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 15, 2021 1:00


    I am grateful I have them to force me to celebrate the holidays!

    He Lives!

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 14, 2021 0:21


    My Savior. My Redeemer.

    Couples

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 13, 2021 1:20


    Lesson Manual: How to Be a Widow Be confident in being you. Because now you are not defined by the couple that you are, but only by you and who you are.

    Can Men and Women be Just Friends?

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 12, 2021 1:12


    Lesson Manual: How to Be a Widow Realize that as much as you want a friend, you may not ever find a friend of the male assortment. Can men and women really be just friends?

    I Want to be Like Dallin Oaks' Mother

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 11, 2021 1:18


    Dallin Oaks was raised by a widowed mother who used her faith and his parents' temple marriage to make his departed father a daily presence in his life.

    Crying Through the Hymns

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 10, 2021 1:27


    It took me years to be able to sing certain hymns in church without crying. Some days I still do. This is one of my new-found favorites. I feel the words when I sing them.

    Shut the World Out

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 9, 2021 3:26


    He was embarrassed, as as he had in the last couple of years when things were too much for him to deal with, he curled up in a ball and shut the world out.

    Where Can I Turn for Peace?

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 8, 2021 1:21


    There have been so many times in my life that I have found myself feeling so deeply the words portrayed in this hymn. In those moments, just as deeply, I have found the answer.

    Errand of Angels

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 7, 2021 2:14


    The errand of angels. Do they recognize the stress they relieve when they reach out in such significant ways?

    Getting My Act Together

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 6, 2021 2:20


    I was stunned. She is the responsible one... I still don't have it together!

    To Date or Not to Date

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 5, 2021 3:03


    Being ready to date has not been an issue in the past, but being ready to date someone like my husband is a whole other issue. That is something I don't know if I could date.

    Grass is Greener Syndrome

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 3, 2021 1:55


    Lesson Manual: How to Be a Widow Accept the fact early on that you aren't going to be as effective playing mom and dad as you were when you were just playing mom. Things will happen.

    What Will The Children Remember?

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 2, 2021 1:17


    Will they remember me as someone who was different when their dad was here than I was when he was gone? And will that difference be good or bad?

    Patience to be a Mother

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 1, 2021 0:45


    I don't know if I have the patience life demands for me to be a good mother. I feel pulled in a hundred different directions.

    Patience

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 30, 2021 1:44


    Lesson Manual: How to Be a Widow Be patient with the development of patience. It will come. Have faith in your own unseen potential.

    Cleaning & Casseroles

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 29, 2021 1:15


    Sitting in a living room, with a full stomach from a delicious casserole and the best brownies ever, those moments were a gift that I will never forget! Tina, Kathy, and Linda amazing in their small acts of service to me.

    Understanding

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 28, 2021 1:07


    I began to realize that within so many of us is something, something for which an anniversary comes and goes or a terrible burden they are facing daily while the world goes on like it is a normal day.

    Discovering the Perks

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 27, 2021 1:11


    Yes, we were discovering a few of the perks to widowhood.

    Hannah - Faith, Hope, & Charity

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 26, 2021 2:12


    I want to use that perspective in facing my own trials. If I am faithful, my story will also end with a cry of thanksgiving.

    Forward with Faith

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 25, 2021 1:25


    "We just keep losing members of our family. First Dad, now my brother. It doesn't even feel like our family anymore." It broke my heart.

    A New Beginning

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 25, 2021 2:13


    I just had to breathe deep and go by faith. I just had to be grateful for family that was there when I needed them most.

    The Decision

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 24, 2021 3:46


    He curled up like a small child and cried. I cried too.

    Spinning

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 23, 2021 3:43


    It felt as though life was spiraling. How do you personally have time to worry about anything other than surviving when your children are consuming your every thought? When the fear that what you feared the most seems to be exactly what is happening or at least your child is opening the door for it to happen. How do you make it all stop?

    Fire! Fire! Fire!

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 22, 2021 1:55


    Life was not so simple when you were dating a widow with three children. A widow, I might add, that was losing control!

    Happy Birthday

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 21, 2021 1:05


    Some things are too much information for others.

    Graffiti

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 20, 2021 0:47


    How do you react to Graffiti... in your garage?

    A Step in The Right Direction

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 19, 2021 3:08


    I was grateful to my Father in Heaven, for his divine intervention in giving me the nurse practitioner that day, not the doctor. For the nurse, that I had never met before, who cared enough to ask how the kids and I were doing. For a doctor, who cared, and for my son being open to healing. We had made a step in the right direction.

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