Feminine Hijinx

Feminine Hijinx has been quite the ride, and now we're stepping away to move on to other projects. On this bittersweet episode, we say our farewells and answer goofball questions drawn from a Lil Yachty Reeses Puffs cereal box. In other words, you don't want to miss this one. Love and other indoor sports, xoxo Angie and Susie

Popularized in the film, When Harry Met Sally, the term "high maintenance" has become part of our modern language. We discuss the meaning of the word, and examine its implications. Also featured on the episode: Suz finds the Clubhouse and Angie shares the details of her cat's high kicks.

Nothing says motherly love like a raw-egg platter centerpiece or a meat doll. This week, we've unearthed some of the best-worst recipes that made the '50s/'60s/'70s oh-so classy and gelatin-forward. Also featured on this episode: Susie breaks free and enjoys some pre-Covid goodness, and Angie's excited about the prospect of actually hugging her daughter on her 25th birthday.

Guess what? Jennifer Aniston splashes her face *25 times* with ice water every morning. Plus, Orlando Bloom "eye-gazes," and Gwyneth's Goopy goo is, um, something else. This week, we dish about the good, the bad, and the just plain weird celebrity morning routines; we also share details about our own. Additionally featured on this episode: Susie found a cookbook whose recipes' key ingredient is harvested from the human body ... the male human body, that is; Angie finds cool stuff going with the flow on a mini vacay.

Even if you aren't familiar with her (amazing) music, you've at least by now heard of the award-winning, mega-talented vocal artist, Billie Eilish. We watched The World's a Little Blurry, and walked away with all the feelings. We unload those feelings on you this week, dear listeners. Also featured on this episode: Susie's back in the Shadows and Angie gets cheesy.

As we continue work on our Little House book, we run across gems that simply must be shared. This week, we review Confessions of a Prairie Bitch: How I Survived Nellie Oleson and Learned to Love Being Hated, by none other than the fabulous Alison Arngrim, the actress who played the prairie bitch herself, Nellie Oleson. We think you'll love this funny, surprising, and revealing memoir as much as we did. Also featured on this episode: Susie wonders, "what's next," and Angie's arm's getting some action from Pfizer dose #2 this week.

Remember that drinking game, Never Have I Ever? This week we invite you to play along with us as we try the podcast (non-drinking, damn it) version. We cover skinny dipping, ignoring the five-second rule, fake IDs and more. Also covered on this episode: Susie's making a Dexter-inspired birthday treat, and Angie's excited about Homecoming.

Are there subjects you could stay up all night talking about? Have your friends and family begun to tune you out when you go on and on and on ... and on about certain topics? This week, we reveal our top three "I could talk this to death" topics, and try to guess each other's choices. Also featured on this episode: Susie prepares for the arrival of the "Shire Collection" and Angie has a mystery bruise (again).

Do you knock on wood? Pick up pennies? This week we share our own superstitions and Suz brings some wacky ones we're pretty sure you've never heard. You may be inadvertently summoning evil spirits to the dinner table! Also on this episode, Susie fights fruit flies and Angie's headed out of town for birthday shenanigans.

Do you have a tattoo? Is it anywhere interesting? This week, we share our differing opinions and experiences with the ol' ink. Also featured on this episode: Susie's baking a 100-year-old cake and Angie's ready to shake her booty with disco lights.

Do you believe in ghosts? Haunted houses? Sex with poltergeists? We get in the spirit this week and share our opinions and experiences with the supernatural. Also featured on this episode: Susie drops the needle on the Golden Record and Angie's already poured a second bowl of cereal.

Have you noticed all the prairiecore (yes, it's a legit term) clothing lining the racks at Target and in popular fashion magazines? Somebody call the Oleson Mercantile -- we've got a trend on our hands! This week we churn out some solid opinions on this style, and share how our thoughts may have shifted a bit over past months. Also featured on this episode: Susie get colorful and Angie's planning a unique date night.

We love a good true crime series, and Netflix serves us up a mysterious (or not-so-mysterious?) vanishing at the notorious Cecil Hotel. We share our thoughts on some of the angles this docu-series features that aren't always examined in other true crime stories. Also included on this episode: Susie's revisiting a creepy (but lovable) old friend, and Angie's hittin' the road.

Whether it's pure schlocky sentiment or simply a sweet love song -- don't lie -- you fall prey to a cheesy tune or two. We unveil each of our top three picks, plus some runners up. Also featured on this episode: Susie wants you to be her bro-tato chip, and Angie share her thoughts on My 600-lb Life.

Edible underwear, sexy "Connect Four," French maid outfits ... we're dishin' about the naughtier side of the big V.D. this week. You wouldn't believe some of this stuff Suz found -- could the Eiffel Tower be a sex toy? You bet your thigh-high patent leather boots it is! Also featured on this episode: Susie's got a double scoop of Night Stalker, and Angie's margarita game's on fire.

Making big habit changes by making tiny habit changes? Confused? We'll hopefully un-confuse you this week when we review the best-selling book, Atomic Habits. And yeah, there's potty talk (surprised?). Also featured on this episode: Susie loses some of her sweetness and Angie's got an "everything old is new again" update.

A personal retreat can look any way you want it to look. A time-out for yourself to reflect on your personal life and/or career can be more than a stay-cation -- it can be a SLAY-cation! We share ideas for creating your retreat, as well as our experiences re-treatin' ourselves. Also featured on this episode: Susie gives us the 411 on dinosaur buttholes and Angie has an important candy-related announcement.

We can't get enough of the amalgamation of Nic Cage, legit scholars, a few comedians, and the roots of our favorite 4+-letter words. This week we review Netflix's docu-series, The History of Swear Words. Get off your asses and watch it, friends. Also featured on this episode: Susie's rockin' out in more ways than one, and Angie's figured some s**t out.

What if you skipped the usual resolution and instead chose a word that captures how you want to FEEL next year? What's your word? We share our words -- rated G and expletive -- for the new year. Also featured in this episode: Susie's still decking the halls and Angie spent an hour and a half spitting into a vial.

We watched the Bee Gees documentary, How Do You Mend a Broken Heart, and have some definite opinions and facts to share. BTW, did you know that Robin Gibb was a childhood pyromaniac? And there's a "missing" Gibb family member? Also featured on this episode: Susie's giving away 12 Days of tarot readings and Angie was New Year's partying to one of her favorite local bands.

We agree that 2020 was an overall crap year, but this week we're deep diving to recall some of our positive experiences and wins. Also featured on this episode: Susie gets devilish and Angie's treating herself.

Was there a childhood Christmas gift of which you have especially fond recollections? Are you still bitter about the present that never made it under the tree? Was any of the bitterness Dream House or Snoopy Sno Cone-related? Well then we're preachin' to the choir on this week's episode. Not only do we take a walk down Gen X memory lane, we also share what kind of gift givers and receivers we now are as adults. Also featured on this episode: Susie's streaming Christmas horror (obviously) and Angie's vision goes on an acid trip.

Who doesn't love a good ol' fashioned Ingalls family Christmas, even if Carrie is the most annoying child on the prairie? We revisit "Christmas at Plum Creek" from season one of Little House on the Prairie, and (of course) Pa's sweaty pits are mentioned, along with the possibility of a Little House/Hot Tub Time Machine mash-up. Also featured on this episode: Susie's Covid-y husband is emerging from quarantine, and Angie's gettin' her (non-nun) habit on.

It's the holidays, so why not discuss the Zodiac Killer? Well, one of the murders was around Christmastime. Our special guest (and Susie's daughter!), Vivian Shubert, has a master's degree in Criminal behavior, and weighs in on the accuracy and and overall story depicted in the 2007 film, Zodiac. Also featured on the episode: Susie has a fungus among-us, and Angie spent time in a cave.

Once we get past the fact that holidays don't HAVE to look exactly as they have in the past, we can move on and create a season that's as different (or bizarre) as our hearts desire. We toss around ideas from outside sources, and chit-chat about how 2020 is putting its weird-ass thumbprint on our own holiday traditions. Also featured on this episode: Susie has a spooky Thanksgiving and Angie celebrates the life of pie.

Toilet paper, squirrels, opposable thumbs, and farts are just a few of the goodies we sometimes take for granted, yet for which we have huge gratitude. Join us as we compare notes on the not oft recognized sources of joy that surround us every day. Also featured on this episode: Susie's pumped about turkey day, and Angie's not excited about coming clean.

Stop being so guy crazy. Study harder in school. Learn to manage money. Don't put the wooden spoon between that boy's butt cheeks. Those are just some samples of the oodles of advice we'd give our younger selves. What advice would you give little you? Also featured on this episode: Susie's feeling constipated and Angie's gets dirty.

Do you think cleaning out your purse is self care? You bet it is. We share our favorite out-of-the-box self care practices -- you may already be doing some of them! Also on this episode: Susie wants to know what you'd do if you knew you wouldn't fail, and Angie's reading a book about Hollywood Squares.

We reflect on another oh-so-confusing article that tries to tell us women the items not to wear/things not to do -- this time, because they age us. Most of them are questionable, but we both agree nude pantyhose with reinforced toes are probably a no-go. Also featured on this episode: Susie's husband steals her candle and leaves town, and Angie's had some heartache.

Do you like carving pumpkins? Come on, be honest. It's that spooky season again, and we celebrate by sharing our favorite scary movies (scary is relative, of course), candy, costumes, and traditions we secretly can't stand. Also in this episode: Susie's tech challenges are all Mercury's fault and Angie gets glam.

There's science that says people who swear like sailors lie less often and have more integrity than the non-potty mouthed ones. We discuss this very important topic, and share our favorite swear words. Also featured on this episode: Susie strings us along in more ways than one, and Angie flirts with yet another deadline.

Women's bodies are complicated, but men (and some women) may be surprised at some of the wild and wonderful things it can do. Also featured on this episode: Susie celebrates 27 years of wedded bliss, and Angie's obsessed with a hidey-hole.

Do the quality of zips matter on your storage bags? Do you split hairs over hair care products? This week, we spill the products to which we're brand loyal ... and speaking of spills, don't even come at us with anything other than a select-a-size paper towel. Also featured on this episode: Susie admires the trek from Poo-Poo Point to Pee-Pee Creek (naturally), and Angie's broken the seal on her favorite seasonal munchie.

Are you obsessed with anything lately? There are a few things totally blowing our skirts up, and we want to tell you all about them. Listen in to hear our current preoccupations in music, sandwiches, drinks, magical personal care products and more. Also featured in this episode: Susie lives next door to spider condos and Angie gets the "short-legged dog" report every morning.

Fancy sports cars and shower sex are just a couple of ideas that seem fun, but really, where do you put your groceries in that tiny car? How do you keep from slipping in the shower and injuring yourself? Also featured on this episode: Susie's getting daily KISS alarms, and Angie's recovering from movin' on up.

How would you describe your style? Do you track the latest fashion trends, or do you have no time for those bollocks? This week, we share our opinions on this year's fashion passions, and put our own labels on each other's looks. Also featured in this episode: Susie waxes poetic over candles, and Angie's added a new slang word to her vocabulary.

"Get a sunburn." Yep, that's one of the "129 Ways to Get a Husband" as detailed in a 1958 issue of McCall's magazine. Seriously, some of these are real doozies, and we share our favorites from the retro article. Also featured on this week's episode: Susie's styled herself into a new job and Angie's found another garbage TV show.

After nearly six months of social distancing and isolation, we look toward the winter months and wonder, "How the hell are we gonna to do this?," especially those of us who live in colder climates. This week we reveal how our mental health has been affected by the pandemic, and share our plans for making the indoor-ness of winter tolerable. Also featured on this episode: Susie's a glorious birthday girl, and Angie kicks some fruit fly ass.

There are good movies, there are bad movies, and there are ALSO good-bad movies. We share our favorite terrible-but-can't-look-away films, and each review the cheesy movie that was assigned by the other one. Yeah, there are some doozies, folks. Also featured in this episode: Susie shares her full moon, and Angie makes an exciting purchase that's bigger than a bread box.

Are you comfortable with others sharing info with you about their injuries? Their sex lives? Their money situations? How do YOU feel about sharing your own personal information? This week we reveal the topics we think are TMI -- yes, we do have boundaries! Also featured in this episode: Susie drops a bomb on her husband's meditation, and Angie's finding mysteries from across the pond.

It's a special Wednesday episode! Sometimes it's hard to ask for what you want. Whether it's about money, friendship issues, or even bedroom-related requests, we're making ourselves totally vulnerable when we ask. But guess what? The answer is always no unless you DO ask! This week, we share experiences and ideas around this very subject. It's also perfect timing because we're kicking off a brand new Patreon fun-a-palooza, and you can become a patron for as little as $3 a month! We're asking you to help support a podcast run by a couple of weird, creative women who are making their dreams come true. Plus, there are rewards! Check us out at patreon.com/femininehijinxpodcast -- thank you!

While we're preparing a special Wednesday episode, we invite you to return to one of our very favorite ones: Desert Island Wish Lists, which originally aired on February 24, 2020. Would you bring Champagne as your only drink on a desert island? One of us would. How about a fancy adjustable bed? Yep -- one of us definitely would. This week we reveal our desert island wish lists, and Angie is a cheater. Also featured in this episode: Susie finds she underestimated a classic horror film, and Angie plans to sew some clothing (ass-less chaps?).

What the heck is the gig economy, and have the changing times driven more people in that direction? We get giggy wit' it on this week's show as we share our own ups and downs working non-traditional jobs. Also featured on this episode: Susie is psyched for the release of her 2021 Badass Planner, and Angie's 2021 Texts from Mittens daily calendar is here, too!

One of us can fit all her cosmetics into a wee bag, and the other is a self-professed makeup junkie. We reminisce about the pastel makeup palettes and Bonne Belle glosses of our youth, and share current makeup habits and go-to product faves. Also featured on this episode: We review the movies we assigned to one another, and both agree that Walter Mercado is our favorite superhero.

Do you clean your toilet daily? Do you dust once every two weeks? Do you flip your mattress when the moon is in Aquarius? Seriously! We review what the "experts" have to say about how often we should be tackling certain household chores, and then compare notes on our own habits. You may or may not be grossed out - or perhaps you'll feel better about your own housework situation. Also featured in the episode: Susie revisits The Boy in the Bubble, and Angie gets busy with her Ylang Ylang.

Did Perfection make you jump out of your skin? Did you pick the nerd or the surfer in the Mystery Date board game? We talk current and vintage board (and some 3-D) games -- the ones we loved and the ones we coveted. Also featured on this episode: Susie's Lord of the Rings candles have arrived (hallelujah!), and Angie's achieved her Reiki certification, and her energy is on fire -- look out!

We watched the Little House on the Prairie episode, "Country Girls," and and are even more certain Nellie (and her snooty mother) are straight from the bowels of Mean Girl Hell. Then we share our own mean girl experiences and agree that we'd never go back to middle school. Also in the episode: Susie waxes poetic about Lord of the Rings candles and Angie wonders if a dental cleaning is worth a possible ticket to COVID-town.

Shoes, perfume, dogs with short legs ... our obsessions are all over the board, but they have one thing in common: we can't stop thinking about them. This week, we reveal the tangible and intangible goodies that preoccupy our thoughts. Also featured in this episode: Susie's hairstylist has floated off into the ether, and Angie's excited about getting (kinda) close to Suz again.

To "lady" or not to "lady" -- that is this week's question. Some find the word offensive or demeaning, while others believe it's all about the context in which it's used. We discuss the finer and no-so-finer points of the subject. Also featured on this episode: Susie shares her COVID-19 test results, and Angie's smooth sailing with yacht rock.

Gen Xers possess traits and values that suit certain types of jobs -- at least that's what some "experts" tell us -- and (surprise!) we definitely have thoughts on the subject. Also featured on this episode: Susie's shares her experience with an up-close-and-personal COVID-19 test, and Angie's celebrating a year of wedded bliss AND is a total badass in the dental chair.

Many people are feelin' some stress these days, y'all. From meditating to laughing to having a cocktail (or three), we share how we best manage our stress levels. Also featured in this episode: Susie's trying her best to process current events, and Angie's going car shopping.