Let Me Tell You About Homestuck

We're back! Someone wrote Mike a mean email asking where the next episode is and then he yelled at me to stop dicking around and put it up already. It turns out we are incredibly susceptible to bullying! This episode continues to dive into Rose's fledgling steps as a Seer of Light, while also introducing GallowsCallibrator, the troll Seer of Mind.

After a, what, 6 month break? Dang. Anyway, Mike and I are back! John continues to explore the Land of Wind and Shade while Rose takes her first steps into a land of her own and Dave and Jade struggle through the opening parts of SBURB, and the Peregrine Mendicant executes the final stages of a time-twisting quest to recover John's birthday presents for him.

Act 4 is upon us. Mike and I descend to the land beneath the clouds, a world soaked in oil, with the fireflies trapped in the overcast skies overhead and friendly salamanders glubbin' all over the place about their desecrated frog monuments. This is a land... IN NEED OF A HERO! But to ascend, we must first Descend. Also draw a picture of Charles Dutton.

It's a double-sized episode this week as we dive into the webcomic-within-a-webcomic, The Midnight Crew! Mike and I boggle vacantly at their shenanigans as Spades Slick and his crew take on the nefarious Felt. Y'know, we never actually did see Lord English during any of that... Bahhhh I'm sure it's not important. Nothing that happened in this itnermission probably means anything actually.Music used in this episode:Jade Dragon from The FeltLivin' it Up from Midnight Crew: Drawing DeadSwing of the Clock from The FeltThe theme from Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?How Do I Live (Bunny Back in the Box Version) from Homestuck Vol. 5Humphrey's Lullaby from The FeltWacky Antics from Homestuck Vol. 6Bye Bye Blues by Bing Crosby and Louis ArmstrongSburban Jungle from Homestuck Vol. 1-4Baroqueback Bowtier (Scratch's Lament) from The FeltApocryphal Antithesis from The FeltMoonshine from Midnight Crew: Drawing DeadOctaroon Rangoon from Homestuck Vol. 5Blue Noir from Midnight Crew: Drawing DeadWalk-Stab-Walk (R&E) from Homestuck Vol. 6: Heir TransparentHollow Suit from Midnight Crew: Drawing DeadCarbon Nadsat/Cuestick Genius from Midnight Crew: Drawing DeadFrustracean from Homestuck Vol. 9 (not available for online streaming)Joker's Wild from Midnight Crew: Drawing DeadLitrichean Rioghail from The WanderersHearts Flush from Midnight Crew: Drawing DeadOmelette Sandwich from The FeltTrails from The FeltRuins Rising from The Wanderers English from The FeltAnte Matter from Midnight Crew: Drawing DeadTime Paradox from The FeltCairo Overcoat from Homestuck Vol. 9Hauntjelly from Midnight Crew: Drawing DeadThree in the Morning from Midnight Crew: Drawing DeadVariations from The FeltDead Shuffle from Midnight Crew: Drawing DeadMaplehoof's Adventure from Homestuck Vol. 7: At the Price of Oblivion (not available for online streaming)Let's All Rock the Heist from Homestuck Vol. 7: At the Price of OblivionThe Carnival from Homestuck Vol. 7: At the Price of OblivionElevatorstuck from Homestuck Vol. 6: Heir TransparentHorsechestra from Homestuck Vol. 6: Heir TransparentScratch from The FeltThe Deeper You Go from Mobius Trip and Hadron KaleidoI'm a Member of the Midnight Crew by Eddie Morton

Mike and I return from a brief 2 week break to finish out Act 3. We did it you guys! THREE ACTS DOWN, THREE TO GO. THAT MEANS WE'RE HALFWAY DONE, RIGHT?

Mike and I continue to plow through Act 3. Jade checks on John's sleeping dream-self while the Aimless Renegade showers the other exiles in bullets. John founds the holiday of Gristmas, and Dave and Rose reminisce on the heartfelt letters he sent them for their birthdays.

WE'RE BACK. After over a year of deep slumber, our dreamselves have at last awoken on our Quest Beds, ready to dive back into Homestuck. Mike and I get reacquainted with the world of HS Jade explores a golden dreamscape, John gets down to Serious Business, Rose works to escape the encroaching forest fire, and WV keeps being the best mayor there ever was.

​John's dad isn't all that into clowns! Betty Crocker owns Gushers! Jade's grandfather is dead and her dog is some kind of crazy devilbeast! Rose's mother is a scientist that's been trying to time-clone her dead cat! Abooooouut 75% of stuff you remember from Act 3 happens in this episode, and I flagrantly ​abuse that record scratch sound effect.

​We wake up from a six week nap to watch Bro lay the smackdown on Dave, some ogres lay the smackdown on John, John and Nanna lay a retaliatory smackdown on the ogres, PM lay the smackdown on a worm robot, and carcinoGeneticist lay the first of many, many verbal smackdowns to come.

As we enter a new Act in LMTYAHS, we gain a new member on our podcast: Faith! She'll be handling the female characters' dialogue from now on, sparing us from Mike's awful Jade voice. Speaking of female characters, we finally start getting acquainted with Jade as Faith and I tell Mike all about rambunctious fruit, Green Slime Ghosts, Squiddles, and Jade's wide variety of fursuits I MEAN PURSUITS

It's a double-header this week! Get outta the way Dave, Mike's got a new BFF. I give Mike a tour of the Mayor's resplendent municipality, and then we take a few moments to reflect on our progress so far

John's furniture levels up, we learn a little more about Dave's fucked up home life than any of us really wanted to, and mike and I get taught some important lessons on the mechanics of punch card alchemy, courtesy of Mike Caveny.

Dave begins to face some harsh truths about his brother's... interests, while John grinds out some more imps and Mike begins to realize that I wasn't joking when I told him that literally everything in Homestuck is simultaneously foreshadowing and a callback.

Nannasprite gives us the lowdown on what this crazy game's all about, while Rose gives us some insight into her fucked up relationship with her mother. Meanwhile Mike and I show off our voice acting chops. No, we didn't get some girls to voice Jade and Nanna; that's all us baby.Songs used in this episode: Aggrieve (Violin Refrain), Aggrieve, Showtime (Imp Strife Mix), Nannaquin, and Skies of Skaia from Homestuck Volumes 1-4, and Gamebro (Original 1990 Mix) from Homestuck Volume 6: Heir Transparent.

Rose begins to make her way through the house to get to her emergency back-up generator, while I introduce Mike to his webcomic soulmate. Also, Mike and I have one of the worst rap-offs in the history of Paradox Space.Songs featured in this episode: Space Prankster, Pumpkin Cravings, and Phantasmagoric Waltz from Homestuck Volume 5; Anbroids V2.0 and Trepidation from Homestuck Volume 9; Flare from Homestuck Volume 8; The soundtrack from Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff: The Moive; and Tall, Dark and Loathesome and Hearts Flush from Midnight Crew: Drawing Dead, along with the samples from Dave's Phat Beat Machine and an audio clip from the film Little Monsters.

Do you know what is great for the health of a burgeoning podcast? A two week break. Mike and I come back from sick leave so that I can introduce him to Rose Lalonde as she works to save John from a meteor the size of Texas (or maybe just Rhode Island), sending him to a strange new world where he's pestered constantly by a voice in his head.This episode features the songs Switchback, Clockwork Melody, and Space Prankster from Homestuck Vol. 5, Ohgodwhat, Aggrieve (Violin Refrain), and Sburban Countdown from Homestuck Volumes 1-4, and The Deeper You Go from Mobius Trip and Hadron Kaleido.

Mike and I continue to descend into the screaming void of Homestuck. John STRIFEs with his father, puts a bunny back in the box, and starts playing SBURB with his internet friend tentacleTherapist, while Mike comes down with his first case of The Homestucks.This episode features the songs Harlequin, Showtime (Original Mix), and Sburban Jungle from Homestuck Volumes 1-4, along with sound clips from the films A Time to Kill and Con Air.

So a whole lotta chumps on the internet seem pretty into this Homestuck thing. But normal people, with lives and rich interpersonal relationships? They can't be bothered with bullshit like this: I mean, what the fuck am I even looking at here? A bunch of god damn nonsense, that's what.Well, okay. That's not true. I know exactly what I'm looking at. Lord English the time-traveling billiards-themed pimp demon is descending in his magical sarcophagus onto a Time Quest Bed in a dream bubble collusion of The Felt's mansion, The Land of Heat and Clockwork, Skaia, one of Alternia's moons, Prospit, and Derse, somewhere out in the void of the Furthest Ring. This is a sentence that makes perfect sense if you're reading Homestuck.See, the terrible truth is that I'm a can of grey body paint and a pair of fake horns away from being the most wretched and disgusting Homestuck fan you can find. My knowledge of this convoluted nonsensical 6000 page long clusterfuck of a webcomic is nigh on encyclopedic. Thankfully, not everyone is like me. Most people don't have time for this shit. You know someone who doesn't have time for this shit? Mike Blais, Internet Mogul Extraordinaire. But what Mike Blais DOES have time for is fleeting evanescent internet popularity. And these days the king at the heaping shit-pile of internet fame is Homestuck.And so, Mike Blais has entered into a dark contract with me. I will proceed to read him the entirety of Homestuck over Skype, and he will record my narration and his reactions to it in the vain hope that the resultant audio files will lead to a treasure horde of retweets and followers, and desperately try to maintain his sanity as we spiral into the bottomless depths of MS Paint Adventures.This episode features the song Homestuck from Homestuck Volume 5, and Showtime (Piano Refrain) from Homestuck Volumes 1-4.