Nowhere Close

Howdy everybody, welcome back to another episode of NWC, Kate & Olivia have a totally real and not a joke business idea. We discuss that dating isn't for marriage, dating is for consistent d... attention and that sometimes a peen doesn't work and that's ok, but something that isn't ok is being an asshole about it. Also, Olivia cracked the code on how to give yourself the ick and not like anyone anymore. Xoxoxo LDs --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Come along, we cover a lot this week and none of it is what we planned on! Join us as we talk about all the good things that happen while naked and possibly the secret to an actually happy relationship? IDK but Kate feels confident in it. We also talk about womb age, why Olivia and Kate can't marry each other and also why we can't watch each other's favorite porn stars. Topics and laughs galore because we are free from QTeen and had a drink (or 4) on our patio before recording. Love you sloohs xoxo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Well guys, if you follow us on any of our personal socials, you know, Covid has struck the NWC girls. I know you're wondering: who? how? when? ARE WE OKAY? Well to find out how we were post diagnosis, give this ole epi number 40 a listen and get the scope. We also chat about the importance of physical health as we get older, mostly to have stamina so you can be a *bad bitch* on top. Disclaimer, we recorded with masks on so it may sound weird but we did our best because we loved you and needed some entertainment, also this was Day 1 so spirits were high. Stay safe & healthy LDs xoxo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Temperatures are on the rise and so our tensions in QTeen relationships. Now that we can actually see freedom (aka a vaccinated public) lining up with summertime, its not hard to see the correlation in couples fighting. Thus bring us to, Hot Girl (or boy) Summer. Life is about to change, time to have a conversation with your boo about the future. We don't mean marriage, more like going out and getting ratchet. Communication is key, as always. Xoxo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

The NWC girls hate eye contact, which is good, but according to a ridiculous article Kate breaks down in this episode, it also counts as MICRO CHEATING. There's a few other ways to micro cheat and basically women can't do anything if we are trying to avoid that, its ridiculous and we don't think anyone actually believes this. A type of "cheating" people DO subscribe to revolves around social media. There is a phenomenon sweeping couples, FWB, crushes, whoever and that is following hot girls/guys on social and having your person get mad at you for it. For just FOLLOWING hot celebs or whatever. So we break down some social media etiquette and also hopefully remind you not to freak over little shit. So avoid eye contact, stay safe & let your bf follow J Lo in insta. Xoxo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

We all know that person who is constantly with the Love of Their Life... except that person is ever changing. The "LOML" does not happen back to back to back to back. We see you on Facebook, swapping your significant other out like a teenage girls phone case circa 2012. Take a break, be single, and once your over that, let your friends find love for you! Like actually... find a friend like Kate who does not know boundaries, and let her set you up... or let her host a gameshow on Clubhouse... because that's what Kate is doing. Find out more by listening here and following us on all our socials (you'll have a good time). Also, Olivia gave a first date the boyfriend treatment & we put some heavy thought into engagement photos for two girls nowhere close to getting engaged (see what I did there? lol) xoxo, muthaf*ckin P.I.M.P --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Millennial is synonymous for anything bad when used by a Boomer, and now, the Zoomers have jumped on the trash Millennials train, and we simply don't care (ok we care a little, mostly because Gen Z is taking credit for shit they shouldn't. Kate rocked an artist crop in high school). As members of the generational punching bag, we have some reminders to those younger to remember their roots and be grateful we fought to have jeans that actually go higher than your uterus. But before we get into that, we have a little VDay recap. Also, Olivia's DMs are a madhouse, Kate's subconscious is an even bigger madhouse & if you're using the Google Form to ask one of us out, you can also use it to ask some questions. Happy Wednesdays, LDs xoxo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

And Wednesday's are for Nowhere Close. Who needs love when you can cry? Single or wifed up, both Olivia and Kate have shed at least a tear on Valentine's Day, 10 years running. There is a shot that in 2015, the tears were of laughter, but we were both way to trashed to remember for sure. So saddle up and let's talk about the stupidest day of the year. Olivia might not hate it anymore, Kate doesn't hate it because she *loves love* but its still a stupid effing day full of cringe instas, a lot of red and too much pressure. Take a trip down memory lane with Kate and Olivia regarding V-Day's past, get some advice to keep it lowkey and not the worst day, and remember kids, you can always thirst trap the fuck out of these hoes, get someone in trouble for liking your hot ass self, wreak havoc, ruin someone else's day of love (jk...unless?) AND Olivia and Kate have some big news that we're super excited to share. Xoxo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

No no, we're nowhere close (lol) to having the scandies that nudes bring come to an end, we ballpark it at 5-10 years. In the next decade, nudes will be commonplace and it won't be insane that our elected officials, powerhouse C-Levels and your town gossip will all have a little nip or tip action out there somewhere. So while yes, if we find out the president in 2036 has a nude, we're gonna look, but it would be cause for her to lose her job.  We'll get to the point of two questions:  1. Was it solicited? 2. Is it good? Happy Tuesday, go out, get the angles right, and make someone's day. Or start an OnlyFans, we support that too here at Nowhere Close. XO --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

After an ER trip and a lot of drugs, Kate is back but  certainly not better than ever, which is why we're flaming both genders. We as a community can do more when it comes to head and we're tired of pretending we can't.  We also dive into the true reason women don't have the post nut clarity men seem to be so fond of (and the one time we truly do). So listen up and take notes. And we cannot forget, a breakdown of some of the winning Tinder bios Olivia has come across this week and why there are so many people looking to building their polygamous (admit it, you read that as poly-GAM-ous) relationships. All in a week's work, amiright? Missed you little hoes xoxox --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Whether you're licking, nibbling, f*cking or frying it up in a pan (wait what?) skin is IN. I'm sure you all saw the weird cannibal sexts from C-List actor, A-List weirdo Armie Hammer. If you haven't, Google it RIGHT NOW, its downright wrong. Olivia and Kate take on these messages, where one should *in theory* draw the line (it def is before cannibal-esque sex... but like where?) and different flabs of skin you could have sex with. Kate also tells an uncomfortable story involving her first and last experience as the dominant one in bed. Welcome back for your weekly installment of WTF xoxo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Welcome to 2021, all you singles have officially made it through the final engagement/baby announcement szn of the year, and we have until about Memorial Day to get a break from all that. So yay us. Listen to the NWC girls breakdown a Grandma Fetish, titty f*cking/motorboating a chick with small boobs and where the best place is to commit one of the most horrifying bodily functions. This is one you're gonna want headphones for, WE'RE BACK BABYYYY. Missed you little slores. New Year, Same Bullshit xoxo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Is there such thing as a bad gift? Or are you also just grateful to be thought of? Well, the NWC girls hunkered down in last week's snow storm with a bottle of wine each and explored this question. Olivia's mind may have been changed by the end of this, because Kate has received an objectively horrible gift, we think it may also convince you there is such thing as a bad gift. We also tackle when/what you should get for the person you're more than hooking up with, but less than dating, just in time for some last minute shopping. 'Tis the season LDs, we know you're on the naughty list, so here's our present to you xoxo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

The NWC Girls tried to be *nice* during this holiday szn, resulting in a prompt reminder that people suck and we should never leave our bubble of two. Olivia talks about an almost date that is full of lessons, Kate reminds everyone that self sex (lol) is the only "safe" sex to stay Covid free & the Olivia brings up a special video she saw involving a cucumber, but not in the way you'd think.  So remember kids, stay mean, stay inside & stay "loving" yourself. Xoxo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

S/o to our pop punk roots, but really, Olivia has a fire name for this episode that we cannot use, and I knew I couldn't come up with any better so bringing in a FOB tribute. We're back and ready to catch you up on some weird boy shit, gentlemen, keep on being creepy... Kate also gets weirdly in her feels about the first man who "broke her heart". She was 14, so take that as you want. Happy to be back and talking to you beautiful little limp dicks xoxo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Gobble me, swallow me, its almost Thanksgiving Eve people. Historically, this day is for going back home, showing all the people you've known forever that you've gotten hotter (or stayed hot) and hooking up. We all know that the turkey isn't the only thing getting stuff on the last Thursday of November. But this is just another American tradition that Covid has taken away from us, however it has not stopped the strategic texting over the last week from occurring. We also chat about how fantastic it is being single for the holidays, the holidays that see the most ass and the hands down least sexy holiday. Grab your stretchy pants and grab your headphones, we're getting saucy. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

And there are some shitty frickin "friendships". Changing gears a little bit here and chatting about toxic friends and why we are too old to be dealing with them. Say it again with me: We Are Too Old To Deal With Shitty Friends. Listen to all the clichés about protecting your energy, elevating your life, cutting out those toxic people like dead ends. Those clichés exist because they're so true, it sounds dumb to have to say them outloud, should just be common sense. So come hang with your *favorite* friends and we'll tell you about some of the shitty people that our now longer in our lives... because we do try to practice what we preach. xoxo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

The music was in us during this recording and it shows. We sing our way through dating down, having pro athletes babies and the power that comes with who loves their partner a little less (which isn't a cool game to purposely play, btw). Also the brilliant idea of a new business venture emerges so stick around for that, it'll have you buzzing. This epi is dedicated to Armando Christian Pérez. DM us if you know who that is ;) --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Welcome back for another weekly installment of NWC, we're here to give you a little Halloweekend update, talk about the insanity of No Nut November and how subtle shot shooting is lost on Olivia. We also talk about the hard lesson every average to hot girl needs to learn, your guy friends either want to hook up with you rn, or have seriously thought about it in the past. Basically, they wanna see you naked. Also, if Olivia is mean to you OR nice to you, there's a chance she wants to hook up with you, so good luck figuring that one out! Sit back, pour a glass of some sort of alcohol (I absolutely do not care if it is 10am) and escape from the Election Day bullshit with 41 minutes of more entertaining and stress free bullshit. Xoxo, thinking of all you hotties --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Move over young millennial men who last more than 7 minutes in bed, 80s babies with a knack for efficiency in bed is where its at, at least for the NWC girls (but we have a feeling a lot of women will agree). Long gone are the days of 45 minute. "is this almost over" sex, if you can't get me off fast, you probably just can't get me off. You know who can get you off though? A man born between 1980 and 1989, we don't know if its the porn they watched, the lack of fuck boy indoctrination in their high school college years, or they've just been around the block, but we here on NWC have a hypothesis that 80s men know how to please a woman, so we're running an experiment, so far, looking like we're right. That said, we're still running a control group and a group "b", the younger men. So we'll also tell you about our cougar status. We also have a few PSAs that may be helpful, one involves eye contact with a butthole. So buckle up, put on some headphones and lets get into it. Happy Tuesday babies xo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

First, sorry for the sound quality in the beginning, plz bare with it, it gets better lol. SECONDLY, welcome back, we've missed you dearly, lovers. A lot of you have been asking about NY life and let us just say, it slaps. Want the low down on dating, drunk subway rides, cockroaches and how Olivia & Kate spend there floor time in the apartment? Well you're in luck cause we're going to tell you.  Happy to be talking to you hot pieces of ass from the sensual Big Apple *wink*  --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

We've named this epi in honor of one of our guests this week because we sit down with certified studs, male guests #1 & #2 (because someone is afraid this episode will be used against him some day...???) Sam Darnold has given Jets fans false hope and sadness, but he's given the rest of us the quote of Ghosting Szn. October means spookiness, pumpkin beers, cuffing AND ghosting, can't avoid that because we will do anything to avoid confrontation and handling emotions like mature adults, thus, we fade away like a spirit in a haunted house. We breakdown different types of ghosting, a little bit about why we ghost and ultimately, why Olivia is the best person out of the four of us because she never ghosts (which sounds crazy but its true). So come sit down with the best foursome you've had since that one wild Saturday, you know, the one out on the course ;) --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

What it boils down to is if you're getting some and bending over backwards for someone, you're whipped, if you are not getting laid but doing the MOST, you're a simp. And guess what Fall means, an influx of simping & cuffing because we all like to forget we have heat in our homes and think we need a warm body in our bed to keep us warm. Well folks, to beat both cuffing & simping - crank that heat, throw on a comfy sweatshirt and listen to some bad bitch music, together, we can get through this trying szn. Or just tell the person you like how you feel because we stan an Honest King/Queen (and also the person will probably freak out because we're scared of vulnerability and then you'll have no choice but to beat being cuffed (jk...sorta). Happy epi 20, lovers. You've spent almost a whole day listening to our bullshit, we love that xo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Olivia was asked for an act in bed a few weeks ago that was out of the norm, so Kate & Olivia take on low grade fetishes, and also discover they have the same fetish. Olivia continues down the path of discovering she has a bitch kink. Kate says something so gross it did have to be edited out, we're sorry in advance but maybe if you DM us we'll tell you what was said. Kate says vagina no less than 69 times, not sure why,  but its excessive.  Kate DID win the first apartment bet but she also won #SimpOfTheWeek, so its almost a wash. So babydolls, advocate for your kinks with consenting adults, be a giver in bed & be safe while doing so!  Xoxo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Men, when hooking up with a girl, and you aren't sure if she finished, she probably didn't. Women, we have to do a better job at teaching the fellas how to get us off. We starting a vicious cycle by faking it and we here on NWC are taking a stand, #StopFakingIt2020. If one good thing can come (lol) out of this year, let's have it be better sex. Some of you people have been practicing a ton because you're home with very little else to do, so we're off to a great start.  We can only get better together, that also means not taking advantage of your local simp, giving the bare minimum of common decency to the person you're screwing and making sure foreplay goes both ways.  Ultimately, when it comes to feminist issues, the Orgasm Gap is one we stand behind in an effort to eradicate the issue.  Also, Kate & Olivia are pretty drunk during this episode so its rather passionate and a bit messy but in a cute, quirky way...(sorta). --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Whaddddupppp bishes. Its been a hell of a whirlwind but your favorite ladies are now roommates, God Bless. We've been in the city for less than 48 hours and its already been a time. So despite the fact we don't have furniture, are sleeping on deflated air mattresses and Olivia was actually on her death bed while recording yesterday, we're out creating content (getting drunk & making *fun* decisions) to share with all you special people. The roommate pairing you didn't know you needed in your life, NWC has officially moved to NYC. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Kate's leaving Boston after almost a decade and men are just crawling out of the woodwork to offer a "Happy Ending" to her time here, she sees your game here and respectfully declines. Kate & Olivia also discuss how not to be a dick roommate, looking at all your college kids on this one. Also, PSA - whatever your perceive as romantic while a man is inside of you, is probably just a weird fluke in his fuck game. Happy September, mofos. Keep it down, Green Day is trying to sleep. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Whether its the rules of dating, baseball or Natasha Bedingfield's hit song, Unwritten, there are a lot of things in life that are left well... unwritten. This week, we dive into a little MLB talk, how to fall ass backwards into a relationship, dating post-QTeen and WAP (because literally what else has anyone talked about since Cardi asked for a big MAC truck to be parked in her little garage?) --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Not caring about timing means its okay to finish before anyone in the porn you're watching is actually naked. Its all about YOUR journey. We put pressure on having the *perfect* timing in life, every step is outlined in a way that just "makes sense". Well we're here to tell you, that nothing makes sense and nothing matters, in the BEST way possible. This week, we chat about calculated "fuck its" and how being an adult allows you to be in charge of your own future. So stop worrying about timing, timelines and time slipping away, do something about it. Plus, wanna hear about Kate's next calculated "fuck it"? Better listen up, its a big one. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Second guest alert! The NWC girls take on TJ Hickey, jack of all musical trades out of the Boston area. Folks, he's more than just a rapper. Sorta like Danny Phantom (who is arguably the hottest cartoon character), there's a lot more going on under the TJ's surface. If you want to add some new music to your rotation or you're already with it and a fan, here's a chance to learn more about TJ. Speaking of learning, we have some stupid teachable moments and discover a piece of basic knowledge that we just did not know. This is one of those episodes where we had a plan, and then did not follow the notes, so enjoy you little wienies ;) --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

The NWC girls chat sports again! Mostly about hot athletes but Kate also gives Olivia some insight on the Joe Kelly viral GIF & why the Astros can suck it. Kate discusses her theory on the athletic ability vs. hotness between brothers and Olivia discovers the only way she could become an avid sports fan. We also chat more about our types so if you were offended last week by Kate's lumbersexual preference, listen up, you may be pleasantly surprised... or further disappointed, find out & listen xo Don't forget to like, rate, review & subscribe! #FreeJoeKelly --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Olivia may not know who Heather Brooke (Harmon) but the millennial dudes out there do. And gentlemen, before you fantasize about it...do you think your little friend is big enough to push past the tonsils? Idk...just something to think about. As always, an array of topics coming for you, covering wiener hoodies, hiding your gf & fucking Woody Harrelson (actual intercourse, the "fucking" here is not a little word spice to remind you all how awesome he is). Plus, Kate tells the story of how she almost had to have some of her vag cut off. Happy Tuesday mofos. PS. what a pairing of name drops here, Heather Brooke & Woody Harrelson, love to see it. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Gooooood morning you dirty little sluts. Want to learn more about your favorite Gemini & Leo podcast duo? Probably not but we're going to tell you about our fun bullshit horoscopes anyway. As a trade, we'll give some advice on how to get to know someone other than us better, what to do with couple sex toys after a break up & Kate's biggest fear. So remember to wash your condoms out between uses and like, rate, review & follow us xo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Move over Big Dick Energy, there's a new sheriff in town. Its 2020, nothing makes sense, and big balls (specifically metaphorical) are IN BABY. In this week's episode, we dive into Britney Spears' imprisonment, how not to flirt on Hinge, the dangers of international waters and Kate learns why alcohol is considered a depressant. Inspired by the wise words of the Burger King, you can "have it your way" this week, we promise there is something for everyone in this episode. Don't forget to like, rate, review & follow! xo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

The NWC Girls take on their first ever guest to discuss how guys & girls make each other crazy because both sexes do stuff the other just cannot understand. Two things we can agree on though, after hooking up with someone, none of us truly want to sleep over & a good rule of thumb, don't make plans to visit someone who hasn't actually invited you to visit them. So if you want some advice on a big online dating don't, how to handle weird DMs, what to do if you are planning on sleeping at a guys place & the only acceptable way to wear a strap-on at a bar. Saddle up honeys, we got another long one. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

July 2020 marks the 10th anniversary of Kate having sex, ten years strong baby! To commemorate that accomplishment, Kate tells you all about her female millennial rights of passage, while Olivia remembers a life event she had previously blocked out of her head. We also introduce you to the Legend of the Forgotten Boyfriend. Rate & review if its been so long since you've gotten it in that your hymen has probably grown back! Also, we did a video for this one, longer & uncut, just for you ;) --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Mood: F*ck, Marry, Kill Me. Happy Tuesday amiright? Kate & Olivia tackle 365, NFL quarterbacks as chicks and what we're looking for in a man (sorta). Kate also tells her most disgusting sex story. So pop those headphones in because we talk about sex, love & whatever the hell Massimo is doing. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

What? Did you think we were going to talk about something serious?? Well you thought right, babies! We're talking about break ups. But don't worry, we're also talking about blowies. Welcome back xo --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

We're ready to be free, have patio drinks in the sunshine and some sort of semblance of a normal life. But does that mean we're willing to sit in the make shift seating area in the alley next to a dumpster, eating hummus? Probably not, so playing the whole freedom thing by ear. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app

Speed dating is a thing again, except its virtual. One constant, the jury is still out on whether it blows or not. If you've done it, virtual or IRL, we'd love to hear all about it. But for now, this will have to do. Here We Go ;)

What's the line between fetish and "you probably need therapy"? We're not sure but I'd ballpark it somewhere near Cry Boners. We also chat about sugar daddy DMs and also the weirdest LinkedIn DM Kate could have ever received.

Those of us working the single life have been feeling the pain of being isolated from the finer sex (whoever you consider that to be). Thankfully, we have these little computers basically attached to our hands that allow us to swipe, sext, FaceTime fuck, whatever our little hearts (or libidos) desire, to make this whole thing a little more bearable. So stock up on your Hidden Folder pics & get to dating virtually, 21st century style. We also talk extensively about food delivery, to make sure you all know where our hearts truly belong.

Kicking off this little journey with a quick (quicker than your first fuck post quarantine) introduction to Kate & Olivia, including a little bit of what we're going to chat about with you. Xo