All Sports Are Bad

This week we took a look into the situation surrounding Deshaun Watson and the Houston Texans and discussed the unprecedented power dynamic that exists between this player and his team, as well as a comparison between this situation and the power dynamics that exist in both Major League Baseball and the National Basketball Association. Unrelated but related: Jerry Jones is horrifying. This is evergreen. "Drip" theme music courtesy of Yung Kartz.

The world is a hell place, so we decided to talk about nice things for a change. In this episode we talked about the athletes that brought us joy. Patrick gushed about Tim Lincecum, Jake talked about Vince Young, Todd Helton, and John Elway among others. Sometimes it's nice to be positive, yeah? Or our warped version of positive, anyway.

ASAB is back with our first episode in over half a year. We haven't been podcasting well, because, quite frankly we just didn't feel like it. But we're back for 2021 and in this episode we discuss America's ever-dwindling former pastime: Baseball, more specifically why the dehumanizing aspects of Major League Baseball as a whole make it insufferable.

Well folks, there ain't much else to say about this one. This is about three hours of Last Dance takes. Over our Discord server. During a pandemic. We also reference Joaquin Phoenix a few times but that's neither here nor there.

All Sports Are Bad is coming at you from our respective homes in our first ever remote-only show. Friend of the podcast Peter Bogren joined us to talk about our general lack of sports, some NFL tidbits, and sports movies. We got into sports movies pretty heavily. Because what is everyone doing while we're all at home? Binging movies.

In another behemoth of a podcast, we cover a wide range of topics including: Local Seattle weed politics, the ever-unfolding MLB sign-stealing scandal, the NFL's weird and disrespectful narratives aimed at black quarterbacks, and the pitfalls of hardcore NFL fandom in general.

For a month we at ASAB have been working on a metric called ALPE, that stands for Anonymity to League Popularity Egregiousness. What ALPE does is it measures a sports franchise level of genericness, or Padres, as we like to call it. It factors anonymity, league popularity, market size, market share, and a team's history. All of these come together to create a team's Padres rating. Wait, why "Padres"? Because the San Diego Padres baseball team embodies what it is to be generic. They are the world's most historically generic sports franchise. They are bland, they are unmemorable, and no amount of star power and success (they've actually had a lot of those two things believe it or not) can alter it. They are truly vanilla. Why? Why do this? Why create a metric to specifically point out the unrelenting blandness of certain sports franchise? Why even bother to make fun of the completely unmemorable? Well, because it's funny. Being generic is objectively funny. And we took this joke to extreme measures, because we lack tact. I mean, that's it, really. Our first show of 2020 explains the history behind our rankings, the process of creating the metric that measures genericness and blandness, and all of the interesting things we discovered while creating the metric. So I present to you our ALPE metric, the rankings can be found as a companion piece here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1ApZyCpeEOJH6VZTtZ0iflC1gST3E4ym2IlHZbBrz05Q/htmlview Oh yeah, we also talked about the NFL playoffs and the NBA too, believe it or not.

In ASAB 31 we discuss a number of pressing sports topics such as: Racist ass Don Cherry, Baseball's electronic sign stealing scandal, and the egregious case of the Washington Football Franchise's handling of Trent Williams' cancer recovery. Also we talk a bit about our upcoming editorial content. Keep an eye out for that!

Recorded the night before Halloween, we reacted to the news surrounding Gizmodo Media Group and their sports publication Deadspin.

In episode 29 we had quite a bit to talk about. First off we had to address the despicable fuckery that went down regarding the Astros and their (now former) assistant GM Brandon Taubman and his atrocious behavior. We also talked NBA season predictions, the MLB World Series, and Patrick being mad at shitty fonts. Our main story is one we're a bit late on but had to weigh in regardless, and that's the situation with the NBA and China. Listen, it's just not that complicated. Okay?

For episode 28 we've got a hell of a lot to talk about with regards to the MLB Postseason. We run down what we think about each team and their chances of winning the world series. We also talk about some of the teams NOT in the postseason, mostly the ones actively tanking. Spoiler alert: Tanking in baseball is an egregious thing to do.

The Antonio Brown saga was ugly and unrelentingly shitty on all fronts. It started off weird and has only gotten more grotesque as it continued to unfold over the last few months. It was impossible to ignore, an absolute sports news behemoth. AB is a total scumbag and no one will deny that at all. But the way this whole thing unfolded has led us to examine the way the NFL controls the narratives of its players (you know, the ones not named Antonio Brown) and encourages fans to see the sports world through Football-only colored lenses. We also talk about less-pressing matters like, oh I don't know, baseball, basketball, and the Sopranos for some reason.

It's our final episode of the season, and thank god summer is over. In this episode we chat about just how boring it is to try to cover sports from July through August. We also talk about Major League Baseball's transformation into the sport it is right now and how a few older folks are very, very in their feelings about these changes.

This week we discussed the United States Women's National Soccer Team, their history, and their quest for equal pay. We also examined our own privilege as men and how even well-meaning allies can contribute heavily to problematic narratives that allow higher powers to discriminate. We also weighed in on the red-hot San Francisco Giants, Magic Johnson's ability to destroy the Lakers from any position he wants at all times no matter what, and other on-goings in the sports world.

The All Star Game was in Cleveland this past week and it caused us to take a look at the still very thriving culture of racism against Native Americans embedded in not only Cleveland Indians fandom, but sports as a whole. We learned that while Cleveland has (kind of) phased out its racist caricature of a mascot, its fans aren't so willing to let go. So this week we examined that behavior, why they're holding on, and what they have to say for themselves with regards to their awful actions. We also talked about the USWNT and NBA Free Agency, which is bonkers. They're both bonkers. Both of those things are bonkers.

This week we covered the hectic world of the NBA, the league that never sleeps, and all of the off season nonsense that is going on in that universe before going in to our main topic: Amateur drafts. Why they're absolute nonsense, why they have nothing to do with competitive balance, and why they should be illegal. We also dissect our current GM-brained, obnoxiously savvy sports climate that allows for an institution like an amateur sports draft to both exist and thrive.

All sports leagues need attention, but oftentimes these organizations get a little TOO thirsty for our eyes and ears. With that, Jake ranks his thirstiest sports complete with commentary. Think your favorite sport made the cut on this who's who of insufferable attention-seeking? Well then you've come to the right place, because it probably did. We also cover one of the most exciting NBA Finals match ups we've had in years.

In this long lost episode from the ancient days of two weeks ago we covered the Warriors and Kevin Durant, and other player-team relationships gone egregiously sour, among many other topics. Also featured: Some NBA prospect analysis, an update on the Lorena Martin/Mariners situation, and finally some NFL commentary.

This week we discussed the very disturbing situation surrounding Caster Semenya and how she has been a target of discrimination by the IAAF, and their ruling that she must now alter her body chemistry in order to compete. We also talk about the implications of that ruling going forward which may set a precedent in order to discriminate against other marginalized athletes going forward. We also discussed the NBA Draft Lottery, Stephen A Smith's reaction to that draft lottery, and general goings on of the National Basketball Association completely

In this episode we dive into the legacy of Kobe Bryant. Using analytics and basic scouting methods, how does he stack up to the greatest players of all time? Do Kobe stans have an actual claim here or are they all just total weirdos who have a flawed understanding of what makes basketball players great? And what does it say to victims of sexual abuse when you prop up a predator and monster like Kobe Bryant? It's not good, we can tell you that much right now.

We're a full month into the baseball season and that means... well, it doesn't mean that much because a month of baseball isn't actually that much baseball as it turns out. We discuss some of the noteworthy things to happen so far in the season, specifically that Mike Trout is quickly and stealthily climbing the WAR ranks towards being one of the greatest of all time. We also talk about the absurdity of the NFL Draft, the 49ers' decision to take a legitimately horrible person, the NBA playoffs, and the Warriors/Rockets rivalry that becomes more and more insufferable as time passes.

In Episode 17 we had our very first remote guest in Peter Bogren. We dove into the incredibly unfair situation regarding WNBA player salaries, MLB's unwritten rules, and more.

If every media outlet in the world is going to be doing Game of Thrones related content, then we sure as hell aren't going to miss out on this opportunity. Episode 16 is about the current going-ons in the MLB, the NBA, the PGA Tour, and the NCAA. But also it's about Game of Thrones and how Game of Thrones has had an effect on sports coverage as a whole for the last 4 months or so.

This week we've got a special Wrestlemania edition of All Sports Are Bad. Reuben Poling joins us to talk everything about World Wrestling Entertainment from Saudi Arabia, to rampant bigotry, to the lack of employee healthcare, to undead zombie warlocks, to NXT, to the Montreal Screwjob itself, and much much more. This one was a barn burner, folks.

It's our baseball preview episode! This week we went through each division and made our personal picks and standouts. We went over Ichiro Suzuki's retirement and Pete Rose's weird attitude towards him in general. We also covered March Madness and more specifically Tom Izzo's recent antics. And Patrick finally got to rant at length about the hilarious and painful collapse of his Los Angeles Lakers.

Whether or not people want to admit it, the world of sports is chalk full of coded racism. While most leagues and the media outlets that cover them aren't as overt with their bigotry as they once were, they've adapted by using dog whistles instead. This episode covers this topic heavily. We also get into some hype-drags regarding Russell Westbrook, the College Admissions scandal and more!

Fair warning, this isn't actually a podcast about Ancient Aliens. You'll figure that out quickly. This week our main topic revolves around the NFL, specifically the double standard that exists between expectations the owners have for themselves and the expectations players must meet in order to exist in the league. Spoiler alert: It's not fair to the players. Yes, we talk Robert Kraft, and no, we're not worried about a person soliciting a sex worker. Legalize sex work. We also talk some mess about the NFL Draft hype and why Mel Kiper is basically useless. And we take a look at the biggest sports leagues in the country and figure out which ones are closest to a lockout or strike.

This episode contains discussions of topics such as sexual assault, domestic abuse, and violence. In this episode we take a look at the redemption narrative. Jake and Patrick analyze why we as a sports-viewing public love a comeback, but that it’s currently being applied to athletes who are genuinely terrible people as a means to allow them to somehow redeem themselves for their awful past. We also provide an update to the Dr. Lorena Martin and the investigation surrounding her and the Mariners that recently came to a close.

In this episode we review the NFC and AFC Championship games and some of the hilarious and horrendous controversies surrounding them. We also talk about the prospect of the NFL reviewing pass interference and how that may slow the game down and make it less entertaining, as well as instant replay and technology in officiating sports in general. MLB Hall of Fame voting has finished and we talk about the four brand new members of the Hall of Fame.

Episode nine marks a very special episode, our first guest! Reuben Poling joins the podcast and we talk about MLB salaries, financial structures, Kyler Murray, Manny Machado, and why the player's union is probably going to go on strike sooner rather than later. We also dive deep into some NBA Western Conference analysis, more specifically the Dubs, the Nuggets, the Lakers, the Thunder, and that gosh darned James Harden.

In our first podcast of 2019 we debut our first annual San Diego Padres Power Rankings. And I know what you're thinking, and it's not a power rankings of Padres players. It is a rankings list of the most generic, uninteresting, irrelevant franchises in sports today named after the most iconic generic, uninteresting, irrelevant franchise in sports history. It's a whole lot of fun. We also touch on the NFL playoffs and dive into MLB's disturbing salary situation. Also Patrick spilled a beer and it wasn't very fun for him.

In this final episode of 2018 we open it up by dragging and hyping some NBA players. Have you ever wondered if we like Gordon Hayward? Well spoiler alert: We don't like Gordon Hayward. And we'll tell you why! We also hype Toronto Kawhi, who is out here thriving professionally. Our main topic is the ridiculousness of the College Football Playoffs system and why it's incredibly not good. We also get into what sports leagues have the best playoff structures and why, among many other things.

In Episode 6 we discuss the Baseball Hall of Fame and how undeniably dumb it is, and always has been, and why it kinda doesn't matter either way. We also dive into the MLB Winter Meetings and more specifically what the hell is Scott Boras even talking about? And last but not least we've joined the rest of the baseball twitter world this week by dragging Babe Ruth relentlessly. Listen, he just wasn't that good. Okay?

In this episode we react to the incredibly horrifying situation in the National Football League surrounding Kareem Hunt and dive further into the NFL's deeply problematic cultures of violence, bigotry, and the denial of CTE. We also discuss the economics behind stadium-building in professional sports as well as the never ending shit show that is the Seattle Mariners offseason.

In episode 4 we've found ourselves in a similar position: being upset at racist ass baseball because they're up to their old tricks again. This time we react to the San Francisco Giants' majority shareholder Charles Johnson's donation to Cindy Hyde Smith. We also get into the NBA, discussing the Nuggets, Lakers, Vucevic, and the Sixers. And it's fake rivalry week in Seattle! We discuss the overall sadness of the maybe nonexistent 49ers/Seahawks rivalry, and much more.

It's Thanksgiving! So naturally we're drinking and podcasting. On this episode we're a bit all over the place. We start off discussing the Mariners' ongoing situation, and then we dip into the NBA where we admittedly drag Dwight Howard a bit too much. Along the way we cover the dysfunctional predicament the Wizards have gotten themselves into, as well as Zion Williamson. The NFL becomes our main topic of the night: Patrick talks about his Peyton Manning fandom, and immediately denounces said fandom. Jake talks about the economics behind NFL salaries, and the problematic ways these aspects are viewed by fans. And a whole lot more!

On our second episode of All Sports Are Bad we react to the deeply disturbing news regarding the Mariners and Dr. Lorena Martin, diving further into baseball's problematic culture and its fans who aggressively support said problematic culture. On a lighter note, we also talk about the NBA! Specifically the Nuggets and Bucks!

In episode 1 we dive into MLB Free Agency, address rumors of the possibility of a Mariners firesale, and maybe a little bit about A-Rod's centaur paintings.