Ask Arlo

In this episode, my guest Kelly Intriligator and I talk about the impact of a child on an existing romantic and dyadic relationship, where the partners were once free to focus only on each other. The birth of a child is a source of great joy, but also enormous stress, and we will discuss ways we can both multiply the joy, and mitigate the stress.

In this episode, my guest Michael O'Brien will discuss how our projections, if acted upon without awareness, can negatively affect and incorrectly define our partner's intentions in a relationship. We will discuss the importance of becoming aware of our projections and their connection to our childhood developmental history, and how we can then begin to expand the possibilities of our partner's intentions in any given interaction.

In this episode, my guest Emma Viglucci and I discuss how couples can understand the reasons an affair may have occurred in a relationship, and how those issues, and the feelings related to an affair, can be addressed going forward. We discuss the importance of taking responsibility for both the affair and the relationship issues that may have led to the affair, and how this can ultimately create a stronger and more enduring relationship.

In this episode, my guest Ruella Frank and I will discuss the importance of Movement Patterns in Relationship, and how we continuously interact with each other in dynamic, relational, and contextual patterns. We will discuss how movement can subtly but powerfully create the ground for openness and connection, or conversely, the ground for defensiveness and distance; how different movement patterns can create frustration and lack of attunement; and how generational trauma is passed down through movement.

In this episode my guest Jack Worthy and I will discuss how we can keep the novelty and excitement of sex alive as we develop more secure, enduring relationships.

In this podcast, my guest Jennifer Tantia and I will discuss the power of non-verbal communication between couples, and the ways we can communicate with facial expressions, body gestures, and body posture. We will discuss the importance of bringing awareness to these embodied experiences in the present moment, both for ourselves and for our partners, and also the importance of being aware of our instinctive reactions and checking out our assumptions.

In this episode, my guest Robin Handburg and I will deal with the impact of addiction on an individual, a couple, and a family. We will discuss the different roles adopted by members of a family that is dealing with addiction and how these roles are passed down intergenerationally. We'll also discuss the stages of change that can lead to a person's recovery, and resources available to individuals, couples, and families.

In this podcast, my guest, Roberta Samet, and I discuss the impact of divorce on children, when they are used by one ex-partner to gain power over, or punish, the other. When this happens, children are put into an impossible bind, in which they must align with one parent and reject the other. Often, they take responsibility for the pain they have caused the marginalized parent, and experience intense guilt and remorse in adulthood. Roberta and I also discuss the impact of this on the new couple, and how they can either cede power to the ex-partner and allow him/her to dominate their new couple, or attempt to focus instead on their new relationship and minimize the influence of the ex-partner.

In this episode my Guest, Karen Ginsburg, and I will examine the Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant Attachment Styles, and their implications both for choosing a partner and being in a relationship.

In this episode my guest Jordan Dann and I will focus on the System for Analyzing Verbal Communication, or SAVI, developed by Yvonne Agazarian and Anita Simon. SAVi is a communication tool that provides a systematic, objective analysis of what makes conversations succeed or fail. It focuses not on what we say, but on how we say it. SAVI uses a Red/Yellow/Green schema to pinpoint patterns of interaction that will either create the possibility that our message will get through accurately and effectively, or create the possibility that we will be locked in a negative cycle of blame and self-defense. We will discuss the implications of this theory for developing positive interactions in our human relationships.

In this episode, my guest David B. Alexander and I will discuss the essential elements of empathic communication, specifically focusing on Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication approach, and Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt's Imago Relationship Therapy. Topics include Mirroring and Observations, Validation and Needs, Empathy and Feelings, and Behavior Change Requests, principles that apply to all of our relationships.

In this episode, my guest Michele Frimmer and I will discuss the importance and the power of an apology to heal a difficult relational moment but also how difficult it often is to use this powerful tool, because, depending on your point of view, an apology is either a heartfelt recognition of the hurt our partner is experiencing, or a completely undeserved criticism that must be defended against at any cost. We will discuss how to move from a position of defense, which creates a negative cycle, to a position of generosity, which creates a positive, healing cycle.