Bitch.aray

Firstly, shame on us! We know we haven't been as consistent as usual and maybe the content has changed, but in our defence we're (both) still in shitty pandemic situations. So bear with your two besties as they try to gossip some more (Waise... Ramzan hai... toba!) In this epi, the duo take on mental-health and body shaming, and just the general obsession Pakistanis have with shaming everyone!

After the annual Aurat March and various global events targeting women, Arslan and Lamees take a look at what it means to be a strong woman and to be a strong ally. Discussions on Meesha and Malala, and how Pakistan treats women. Shout out to their moms for equipping them and leveraging their growth.

Arslan and Lamees binged Netflix docuseries "The Big Day" and the duo has some big thoughts. Weddings are expensive, and we're envious of those who get to have huge lavish dos like they imagined they'd have. Here's the hot takes and more!

We hate rich people. But also we love them. We want to be them. As always, the reality tv binges are real, so they've caught up on Bling Empire and relate their own experiences with le riche

The truth is, even though it's 2021, Arslan and Lamees are still the bitchy gossip lovers we left in 2020. But like... you love it amirite? The duo talk about habits to leave behind in 2020 like hating on competition, and supporting other desis. There's also a lot of Bridgerton and sex... Bridgerton sex.... Simon... discussed ;)

Lamees and Arslan are here to read 2020 for FILTH! They discuss what went down this year as well as what their highs and lows were too. Oh, and they also talk about this newly viral sex-ed niqaab lady on Twitter, just in case you're interested.

Shahroz Sabzwari is universally annoying right... like we all think he's weird? Anyway, so is Farhan Saeed. Caeed. lol. Arslan and Lamees take a look at some random rumours that have been conjured up in Lollywood as well as their own lives. Also why is everyone getting divorced?

If you haven't figured it out by now, Lamees and Arslan are obsessed with Bollywood and reality TV, so this is really just the most perfect show for them. By this we mean watching divas Maheep, Neelam, Seema and Bhavana on The Fabulous Lives of Bollywood Wives. None of them are A Listers but they're all designers of some sort. Also what the fuck is wrong with Karan Johar? Yo, Rekha out.

this episode is a clusterfuck of a lot of different things, like syra and shehryar's steamy shoot and other photoshoots that got Pakistani panties in a bunch.

The worst collab to have happened, but the best. This wedding was one of the most loved things to hate on, Arslan and Lamees unpack it all.

so we said Biden! to Trump. haha. ha. Ok ok, a Canadian and Pakistani tackle their understanding of US politics alongside their own experiences. We also want the electoral college gone and please stop putting Kamala in saris.

Your favourite divas both turned 25 this year, so they discuss their quarter life crises and how to get through them. Also do any of you know how to use a pressure cooker? How many daals do you know?

Tiktok, Gala biscuits, Churails and Tanishq. Ban ban ban. Arslan and Lamees think of all the losses we suffer because of these bans and censorship. Tune in for their renditions of some notable ads!

You walk down the road; you're stared at. You eat at a dawat; you're stared at. You breathe; you're stared at. Staring is our national pastime and it ranges from the creepy uncle to the random aunty down the road. Everyone just loves to stare at everyone, and it's annoying AF.

Oh dear Bollywood, what have we done now? With the industry still in arms over Sushant Singh's death and Kangana Ranaut's new webs- sorry, revelations, a new story has emerged. Arslan and Lamees try to make sense of this wild timeline and the misogyny associated. Also... does Modi know this is a pandemic?

While everyone obsesses over (a patriotic green) pair of satin mules donned by the infamous Maryam Nawaz, Arslan and Lamees question why we reduce female politicians to their clothes but also admit they never liked Benazir's blazer looks. A little this, a little that but never politically correct.

Why are morning shows such a freaking Macy's parade? Arslan and Lamees talk about their first run ins with the phenomenon and what it's led to. Shoutouts to Nida Yasir and Sanam Jung... go sweetie, give us nothing!

In this extended rant, the two comment on desi representation and the cost of being seen. Do Aziz Ansari and Hasan Minhaj compare? Where is Zayn Malik on the spectrum?

This is 50 minutes of the cohosts laughing. The duo tackle fusion events and dread invites to MaShaLimas because of their confused closets. Very much like the cup of tea you drink after a long wedding week, these two friends take a minute to enjoy each others company after celebrating their hard work.

Arslan and Lamees discuss gender politics, gender roles and the margin between man and woman. What does it mean to speak like a man and sit like a lady? Also shout out to paratha rolls.

Akshay, this one's for you and your mom. Obviously after ladkiwaale, we have to discuss the ladkewaale! Arslan and Lamees reminisce about their experiences dealing with them and being with them. While guys have an immense pressure on them to perform financially and other -allys... does it compare to the things the girls and their families do?

Pakistan is producing a plethora of engaging and substantial content, but where is it? Hundreds of authors, artists and more are being censored at the hands of Pakistanis limiting us from some amazing work. Lamees and Arslan discuss publishing bans, Zindagi Tamasha and more.

Lamees and Arslan visit the wedding from the girl's side today. They explore expectations and struggles the girls go through pre, during and post marriage and how the families play a role in it. Needless to say, Lamees is stressed and Arslan's ready to buy his shoes.

Lamees rants about nosy busybody aunties and Arslan analyzes his own experiences with social media. Why cant people let people live?! The disregard for privacy ranges from inconsiderate to dangerous.

It's shaadi szn aka every day in Pakistan. The duo look back at favourite memories and trends and visualize their ideal weddings. Arslan sets aside shoes and Lamees picks jewelry.

Smoking, drinking, blazing... nasheeli naina.. what could be bad habits that we indulge in as Pakistani youth? How much of it is actually a problem plaguing us versus a good time with friends. Drinking is great until someone gets into a car, and edibles are awesome until they kick in.

Arslan and Lamees discuss how important it's become for people to have a new outfit every time they post on instagram. Are these fashion goals or fashion fails? How much does this affect the world we're in, and brands who need to chill

LSD(hoka) baby, here's the D we've been waiting for. Dhoka, betrayal or cheating someone, comes in so many forms. Arslan and Lamees think of some lighthearted examples and shaping examples... and as Arslan often reiterates, we came here alone and leave alone so this one's for team #alone

Nips and tucks are now being replaced with magical injections, Arslan and Lamees discuss the two and if it's going too far. They compare attitudes and results in the West and East... and obviously compare what they'd get done

Lamees and Arslan talk about that one thing no desi child should ever talk about: sex! Yup, they went there! They talk about all the weird ways desi families tiptoe around the topic and how they came to learn about sex. They also explore the hook-up culture and what is supposed to happen on the infamous 'wedding night'.

I'm Sima from Mumbai and I have ruined Lamees and Arslan's weekend. Yes, the duo binged the new reality show on Netflix and these are their thoughts on some of the major characters and the rishta process. Stay tuned for more thoughts on Shaadis and Rishta Aunties at a later time ;)

Pyaar deewana hota hai, aur ussey bhi zyada hum dono. Arslan and Lamees recollect their experiences with crushes and intense love. They discuss unrequited loves and forbidden romances, as well as awkward teenage times. As they get older, they recognize their needs in relationships and what love means to them now.

"Yes, I was in an entanglement with him", and other iconic lines from the Will & Jada Red Table Talk. Arslan and Lamees talk about open marriages and our fave couples (Deepika and Ranveer!!!) in the industry. They discuss what loyalty looks like and if every marriage is imperfect.

It wouldn't be growing up until you realize eventually you have to ADULT. Arslan and Lamees soon realize it doesn't mean eating ice cream on weekdays, it means taxes and bills. Arslan is still figuring out what goes in a car, and Lamees drives him insane. Listen in for the terrible realizations on how the system set us up for failure, and the fact that our salaries are a damn lie!

Arslan and Lamees discuss the outpour of allegations and incidents students have been sharing about abusive teachers at renowned Lahore institutes. The culture of entrusting schools and teachers, and how our awaam responds to students. Lamees draws parallels with St Michaels Boys' School, while Arslan further explains the LGS and LUMS cultures of ragging.

Oh growing pains. Arslan and Lamees recollect their very different experiences with razors, periods and cracking voices. The awkwardness of puberty is traumatizing but the two of them find a way to laugh it off.

Arslan and Lamees love Mahira Khan, so they mean this with the best intentions.... but what is she doing? What is Mashion and why did Bin Roye need to be on TV and cinema?

Oho meri maa! Arslan and Lamees roll their eyes at some of their parents' methods but also thank them. Arslan's mom is cool, mashallah se and Lamees' mom interrupts the podcast.

After the tragic loss of Sushant Singh Rajput, we've become even more aware of how dangerous nepotism in Bollywood is. We've seen and heard of new comer experiences that really make us think KJo really isn't the cutie Koffee with an obsession for all things sex and gossip. Arslan and Lamees discuss what that looks like, and what the future of Bollywood consumption can look like!

Arslan and Lamees revisit where the sass started, the UAE. Although settled a flight from (Lamees' is longer), the two recollect growing up there. They talk about 1. Gems Schools 2. Is this a fish market? 3. Colour coded Arabic and Islamic books 4. Choeuifat. Choifat. Choeirieiiffat!?

Arslan and Lamees, or mostly Lamees rants, discuss Lilly Singh and her journey as an influencer/Bawse babe. Lamees declares her the Priyanka Chopra of YouTube and Arslan thinks about "shexy shexy sharees"

In a final conclusion to the second volume, Arslan and Lamees book an appointment with Mujib, a Chicago-based doctor and aspiring pharmacist. They discuss the attitudes of South Asian parents when it comes to their health, how big of an issue diabetes is and whatsapp totkas for COVID19

It's been a long week, and a life changing week. Protests and discussions are taking place globally on Black lives. We need to end police brutality and come to terms with the closeted racism that we have ignored. Arslan and Lamees talk about their experiences, celebrity responses and types of activism. for more information, check our instagram.

I just ate McDonald's. But technically that's okay right? I can take a break. Join Arslan and Lamees who get to meet physical trainer and coach, Azam. Azam teaches them about discipline and balance, while dispelling myths in South Asia about fitness. Check him out @_mtfitnesss on instagram

Happy 25th Birthday Arslan! Here's to 25 years of sass, style and smiles. A casual, lighthearted convo about his interests, style must haves and dreams for the podcast. Wash the dishes or run the laundry, throw this on and enjoy!

Arslan and Lamees pet the giant elephant in the room, mental health. South Asian circles are getting better at addressing it, but at huge costs that can be damaged beyond repair. They are joined by expert empath and speaker, Jessie Brar. You can find her @jessieebrar on Instagram, or Presents of Mind on Anchor.fm

Nepotism. Karan Johar. Main Colonel ki biwi hoon. Love Aaj Kal 2. Listen to Arslan and Lamees discuss privilege and power, and Kangana Ranaut's points.

What week of isolation are we in? We don't remember, and neither do these bitcharay. But what they do know is all the weird decisions that Pakistanis have been making and how much Canadians are dying to get out. Hey, at least it's not America!

As Monday tradition states, a mini rant is what's needed to start the week off on a clean slate. Or something like that. Arslan and Lamees talk about the phenomenon that is Ertugrul.

In a conclusion to Volume 1, Arslan and Lamees discuss family politics and the effects it has on our relationships. Is blood thicker than water? Do we like khalas or phupos? Stay tuned!

Arslan and Lamees dissect influencer lifestyles, their corona-content and Adele's weight loss. Is there space for fat people anymore?