Diary of a (teenage) Diva!

Penny turns 15 and gets her first heady taste of being a groupie as she watches Neil's band play at the “Harvest Piss Up”. The phone, shared between all the family, won't stop ringing and is triggering Penny's PMT making her hate everyone. Worried she is in the friend zone she tries to convince Neil that she is not like other girls…will her plan work? Read with Sass, friend of the pod and easily excited 1980s Catholic school girl.

ABC Radio's Drive Program host, Geoff Hutchinson, is Penny's guest for September; as Embryo Youth Theatre's performance of Pirates of Penzance continues and show-business tightens its grip on our diva-in-waiting! School recommences, opera rehearsals begin and despite having ‘nothing to prove' Penny is determined to get off with someone, anyone, as soon as possible. Recorded at home, any attempt to sound professional is ruined by Otto, noisy frogs and pesky crickets.

As Penny's Mediterranean adventure draws to a close the ‘Mystery of the Missing Snog' is finally solved! August's guests, musical theatre stars Amber Scates and Ethan Jones, bring a unique insight into The Pirates of Penzance, and we welcome a raft of new characters to the podcast as the Wallingford Corn Exchange becomes the center of the universe. Meanwhile what horrible catastrophe can possibly lead the ever positive Penny to give a day her first 0/10 rating? Recorded in December 2021, the closing night of Cinderella, extremely noisy birds, trains, and the Fremantle Doctor all getting in on the act.

July 1985 is awash with historic moments; Live Aid takes the world by storm, Boris Becker wins Wimbledon, Madonna poses for playboy and Penny auditions for her first ever opera! Once school finishes Penny and her family head to France on a hovercraft and the temperature begins to rise... Armed with “Skinny Bitch” cocktails Penny and Michael Gentle, self-confessed fan and current Teenage Diva, stagger their way through July. Recorded at home on a busy veranda, cameo appearances from all household members.

June heralds a flurry of summer shopping, swimming and synchronised snogging. Penny, despite still claiming she wants to be a pop star, unleashes her inner Diva and prepares to audition for her first ever opera! Read in Moore River with Olivia (who would NOT have been friends with teenage Penny) and Dani, who might have been.  Music by Finn Pearson, produced by me!

In this unsolicited bonus episode Penny unpacks her Great-Grandmother's diary with her daughter, Jasmine. During the last great pandemic Louie Pearson took an intrepid voyage from Cape Town, via Sydney to San Francisco on a square rigged sailing ship, accompanied by her husband Eric, the ship's captain and also by her daughter, 4 year old LuLu. 100 years, 5 generations, 2 pandemics all in 35 minutes! Original music by Finn Pearson, additional sound effects by Otto. 

Summer term at St Helen’s and St Katherine’s, a month so good we recorded it twice! Fellow Hel Kat and boarder Elizabeth “Poggy” Allison compares her memories of school life with Penny’s - less drinking martini, punting and ice-skating; a lot more eating toast, going to chapel and being chaperoned. We find out what Radiohead’s Thom Yorke got up to before he was famous and Penny does some accidental oversharing with the Abingdon School boys. Music as always by the fabulous Finn Pearson, produced and edited by me, Penny. 

April's guest of the Pod, Jason helps Penny unpack the relative merits of a pair of tight pants and a billowing white shirt; the Mr. Darcy myth, Penny auditions for yet another musical and we find out why Rangers was SO much better than Girl Guides; it wasn’t the uniform. And in one month Penny, ever the chameleon, channels most of the Spice Girls; lurching from pastel jumpsuits (Baby), to full Goth attire (Scary), intensive Lacrosse training (Sporty), Badminton Horse Trials (posh). Jason remains ginger.

March is packed with competitions; music, lacrosse, even walking is about winning. The St Helen's netball team have reached the National Finals but Penny’s ankle is still dodgy after falling down the stairs drunk on New Year's Eve. Will this stand in their way of national domination? Rehearsals have begun for ‘Trial by Jury’; Penny is appalled to find that her costume shows too much decolletage and decides that she pop wants to be a pop singer NOT an opera singer! Recorded in the dressing room at His Majesty’s theatre, Perth, with fellow Cosi Fan Tutte cast members, soprano Prudence Sanders and mezzo-soprano Ashlyn Tymms.

February is all about sharing...sharing private letters, other people’s boyfriends, body parts and we shudder to think how many viruses. Penny, often too unwell to go to school nevertheless indulges in various activities, sledging, trampolining, ice-skating and an unfortunate night at the bowling alley. Singing lessons are going well and Penny lands a role in the Abingdon School musical, but which part? Recorded with fellow diva Fiona Campbell on Rottnest Island after a bit too much rosé.

The excesses of New Year’s Eve have left Penny with swollen tonsils, a swollen ankle and a life long horror of Vermouth. Spiky hair, Bagpuss and Ouija Boards are in; microwave cakes and boys called Ian are out. Penny and this month's guest, baritone Robert Hofmann, discuss their various encounters with European prostitutes. Brand new theme music written by Finn Pearson. 

December brings a new selection of activities; ranging from carol singing, delivering Christmas Cards around the village and making nativity scenes to laughing at boys, painting her nails black and hanging with the cool kids. The year ends with a school ski trip and the intoxicating combination of vodka, vermouth and vomit, completing Penny's transition from adorable child to revolting teenager. Still mid-pandemic, Penny’s final guest for 1984 is her son Finn, whose opinion of both his Mother and his Grandmother have now been shattered. 

The cool November weather doesn't stop Penny's hot passion for boys called Dan but it does render Tracy, the Victorian Evening's soloist, unwell and Penny prepares to step in! Will this be her big break? Read in a sweaty room in South Fremantle during Covid-19 lock-down with her own teenage girls who would literally not want to be ANYWHERE else (hum hum!). 

Studded belts, fingerless gloves, batwing sleeved jumpers are all the rage as Penny turns 14 and is finally winning at boys as well as netball. PGL Danny is out, disco Dan is in and a new life of sex, drugs and rock and roll (well...snogging, beer and Andrew Lloyd-Webber!) unfolds. Production values reach a new low as Penny and guest Tommaso Pollio try to record the podcast at a 'social distance' on a beach in Geraldton; wind, waves, flies and killer seagulls all get in on the act. Made on Friday 13th 2020, the day everything got cancelled.

Penny, her brother Chris, and a couple of friends head off parent free on a PGL multi-activity holiday in Wales. Some of the more exciting activities, however, are not advertised in the brochure! Back home Penny receives an unexpected early birthday present in the mail and there is conclusive evidence that the 80s was not a good time to be a goldfish... Read whilst cruising on the Coral Sea with fellow DivaLicious Diva and boarding school escapee Fiona Cooper Smyth.

Fellow diary writer and 'podcat' Cathy Cooksey puts an Aussie slant on August 1984, when the LA Olympics were in full swing and being 'on the spectrum' had an entirely different meaning. As another month of endless holidays and irritating activities commences, surfing, folk dancing, donkey racing to name but a few, Cathy (and quite possibly many other listeners!) longs for a day when Penny slumps miserably in front of the telly filled with teenage angst. Will her dream come true? If it does Cathy will be mintoxicated!

Summer term at St. Helen's but still no snogging! Penny comes close 'getting off' with someone but fails to seal the deal; blaming the tyranny of too many parents and not enough beer. As a consequence she starts the politically incorrect NSH Club with her friends at Girl Guide Camp. It's worse than you think... Excursions, fetes, parties, plays, concerts are all over and an endless round of holidays, sunburn and strawberries has begun. Read at home in Fremantle with fellow Mother of 4, TV producer and ex-private school wallflower Kate Vyvyan. 

Things are heating up at the cricket as the "Simon Saga" continues. Frankie says relax but Penny is anything but relaxed when she hears from Tracey (who heard it from Rat who heard it from Woody) that Simon might prefer her to Amanda! Betrayal, deceit, intrigue, Cointreau fueled midnight feasts, Latin exams, lost knickers, odes to Edward Elgar...June has it all. Read with operatic tenor and composer Perry Joyce on a boiling hot night in Broome with quite a noisy fridge in the background.  

Summer term! Tennis, swimming, watching cricket, riding ponies, drinking beers in the pub, all excellent activities enjoyed by 13 year old Penny. The list of lush boys grows ever longer and some even come to Penny's house(!) but unfortunately the only one that seems interested makes her want to puke... Read with Mandy Orr and Chris Hedges after far too many gin and tonics on Rottnest Island, Western Australia; listen out for the sounds of crashing waves, giant mosquitoes and the clinking of ice. 

Easter 1984, spring has sprung, the sap is rising and Penny is awash with hormones. No amount of wholesome activities; roller-skating, hiking and bell-ringing can distract her from pursuing every teenage boy that has a pulse. Even at Granny's she's still out 'jogging for boys'. Read with Lucy Burghard on a warm Spring evening, back at the scene of most of the crimes, the garden of her childhood home. The birds are tweeting, the dogs are barking and Marian (Mother!) is pottering, pretending she's not eavesdropping....

Read under the critical glare of an actual modern day teenager (Sophie 17) and her mother (Katherine, would rather not say!) the excitement of life in 1984 reaches a peak when Penny skips school, stays home and watches television.

Valentine's Day rears its ugly head, the family head off ski-ing and Penny and her friends write to Jimmy Saville so see what he can fix for them. In conversation with broadcasting legend Christian Horgan. 

Opera Diva and comedian Penny Shaw reads her teenage diaries to a variety of horrified guests. Beginning in January 1984 when Penny is 13 and decided, completely, to become a singer.