LATE NIGHT LARGE

Mike gets a chance to view the long arm of the law from the opposite side to which he's normally accustomed in this episode where the both co-conspirators learn a very different way of being judged by their peers.

Aaron and Mike debate the AFCON fiasco and why it has been so damaging to the integrity of the African game. Also featuring some bitching about VAR!

You may have heard of this relatively recent phenomenon because a billionaire weirdo was tapping his own son's blood. Our pair of vituperative vampires look into that nonsense as well as many adjacent terms and ask: are these just things that humans have always done, but with a stupid new name?

A mildly vituperative conversation about the current state of British roads.

When the looting starts, the booting starts! Unless Mike and Aaron are doing it. Using some sort of catastrophe as cover for your shameless larceny has been practiced for generations it seems. Whether we're talking about pillaging villages, plundering vessels or robbing graves, mankind has tended to help themselves while guards are down or peacekeepers otherwise occupied. So let your guard down and occupy yourself with this grabby edition of the show that denies everything.

Tonight's conversation is steered between badly executed crimes, ten pin bowling techniques and maiming your new work colleagues for a laugh.

Whether tearing, cutting or grinding, here's something that needs reminding: look after your bloody teeth. With many miserable dentist trips behind (and ahead of) them, Aaron and Mike sink their Hampsteads into a juicy topic and proceed to chew the proverbial cud. Lisa needs braces!

Mike and Aaron tear into Spurs in the wake of Thomas Frank's sacking, dizzying them with a veritable cascade of banter. It's all in jest you spuds.

We live in the information age, but some information is deemed more sensitive than other information. When the concealment of information from certain groups is deliberate, then we might term it a secret. Discretion has never been one of Mike and Aaron's obvious virtues, so you'll have to tune in to hear how tactfully they handle this thorny subject, including some intriguing and tasteless thought experiments.

Where our two gobby gumdrops chew the cud over those who choose to spend their career inflicting well meaning pain on your skull pegs. You pay money to be mildly tortured and drilled in your moist orifice, without even an orgasm to speak of at the conclusion! Damn you dentists, and the heavily processed sugary treats that sustain your industry!

The man from the crypt and the man with the out of control id collide in this thrilling installment of the world's favourite braindead podcast to talk about beasts that may never have been, despite the utter faith of a small band of biological heretics and their enraptured cohort. Behold: the Large pantheon of bestiary icons!

Following our Predator watchalong, David Collins joins the sexual tyrannosaurs for a Late Night Lounge discussion on the finest Arnie movie of all time.

A new feature where your favourite miscreants watch an old favourite, wax lyrical and otherwise talk bollocks. This episode's target is the ultimate action-thriller-science-fiction-horror classic Predator, and Mike and Aaron welcome fellow Predator superfan David Collins to the chopper for the ultimate rumble in the jungle!

The one where Mike and Aaron debate Fukuyama's End of History...in a manner of speaking.

The dreaded transit between home and work is up for debate this week. You can expect some unexpectedly erratic banter incorporating Inspector Gadget, the top, bottom and middle of trains and liberal deployment of C bombs. We also feature a mostly pointless argument on the merits of proximity-based employment incentives dragged out longer than the alleyway brawl in They Live. Enjoy!

Where our two heroes discuss the similarities in the "inevitable apocalypse" themes between the Jurassic Park and Terminator franchises...amongst other tidbits.

Whether they're after fish, honey, picnic baskets or cocaine, bears are bad news. Not that you'd know it from the characterisation of them in popular culture. Mike and Aaron take a nuanced look at these hibernating hucksters and find some common ground along the way. Swatting your enemies aside like flies most certainly appealed.

"I'll take three times more security for six times less liberty" and other sordid tales feature in tonight's drawing room patter between our resident P.I.M.Ps.

Ever given up something valuable for a greater good? Give it all up, and then some more, for your favourite emcees Aaron and Mike, laying down an offering worthy of the gods here.

Imagine life is a choose-your-own-adventure where your avatar has to select one superpower. What are the pros and cons and which power would our two chin-strokers select? Decant yourself a fine brandy and recline in your chaise longue to find out.

Cower ye not, because Aaron and Mike are investigating the sources and consequences of that renowned dread that seeps into your marrow in unguarded moments. Whether it's darkness, phantoms or sock puppets that make you tremble, you can be sure it will be touched upon in an appropriate manner.

In a new bonus format to celebrate 100 shows on Spotify, Aaron and Mike will relax in a proverbial drawing room, dressed like pimps and quaffing brandy and smoking Cuban cigars while tripping over peacocks. Their mission? To take a more mature look at things in a much truncated format: that is fifteen minutes. Expect philosophy, sociology, existentialism and maybe some pop culture. The general theme of tonight's edition is the prospect of limited time travel of the soul and its ramifications. Let us know what you think and maybe the lounge will be a regular feature.

We know you prefer when Late Night Large goes low and goes vulgar, so here it is: a discussion on bizarre sexual fetishes submitted for your approval. Largey Smalls makes an appearance in his best smoking jacket to give a thumbs up or down to the most bizarre, shocking and rancid catalysts for sexual gratification known to us not-so-great apes.

Whether you need a holiday, to see extended family or flee from the authorities, most of us will need to engage with aeroplanes at some point. We've all led the cops a merry dance to the airport before barrelling our burning stolen vehicle into a departing passenger jet to watch it explode in GTA, but in real life such horseplay is frowned upon. Airport decorum, leg room and lost luggage are among the topics called aside to be cavity searched in this thrilling episode of everyone's favourite podcast.

You only need to see software that you used to just purchase but now need to pay a subscription for to understand what platform decay is about. We might easily apply it to social media platforms, but does it apply more widely to other areas of our cultural and economic life? Mike and Aaron tussle with this contentious term in order to figure out what the hell went wrong and if there's anything we could do to reverse this alarming trend that's pissing all of us off at a rate of knots.

In movies, a preponderance of exposition ruins our enjoyment. But, in real life, many would give their right arm to know just what the hell is going on, and, more importantly, what is going to happen going forward. Oracles, seers, mystics, clairvoyants, shamen, soothsayers, psychics, and fortune tellers alike have claimed to foresee the future through the ages. Do they have the gift of second sight, or are they just elaborate charlatans? Our own two experienced charlatans debate fate in this thrilling episode.

Well honk our horns and cover us in custard; the time for clowning is now. Being a buffoon is serious business you know. Our two hosts go on to realise that they are too sadly too amateurish to be true buffoons and can only peak at the rank of fool.

Among the most foremost of modern scourges are both the offence of traffic itself, and offences committed while in traffic. Messrs Bliss and Large proceed to breakdance on the proverbial car roofs, all while spinning some possibly apocryphal personal misdeeds behind the wheel to avoid self-incrimination before the statute of limitations expire.

There's more to a door than you'd think. You don't just open, close or smash it in. Well, actually, that is kind of it, other than the process of locking. But where would we be without doors? Exposed to the elements, vulnerable to predators and nothing would be protected, that's where! So for safety, security and privacy's sake, our two doorknockers delve into the wonderful world of non-sexual openings for your non-sexual gratification. Enjoy!

We all love foreign bodies entering us without our knowledge, right? Well this is our new reality, as microplastics are now part of our blood and organs, whether we like it or not. But how did this happen, how bad is it, and is there any hope of expelling these invaders before they sabotage us all from the inside? Listen on to discover the terrifying truth!

Everyone likes to think people are inspired by them. But the majority of those people aren't inspiring anyone. The likes of me and you might struggle to find even one person that remembers a conversation they had with us. But a gilded few get to wear the label 'Influencer' like a Roman tunic. Who are these contemporary elites, what do they want and how can we make them go away? Mike and Aaron stifle their envy to find out the answers to these questions and more in the latest thrilling instalment of everyone's favourite zero budget podcast!

Now of course certain sorts can turn almost anything on or offline into a scam, but at this stage in our history, it's striking just how much scammers define the landscape of cryptocurrency and NFTs. But is it an unfair perspective? Is there more to Cryptocurrency than a quick pump and dump behind the blockchain sheds? Play on to find out oh inquisitive listener. (P.s. LargeCoin is available now and will absolutely *never* lose value. 100% guaranteed link in bio!!!)

What happens when you fancy nookie without the social expectations; banging without colliding; getting off without getting together? You've wandered into the realm of cybersex, you fool! Whether it's an Only Fans party, sexting, or being flayed alive by the ultimate Sado-masochistic A.I. Sex Robot, Late Night Large will get to the bottom of it. And give it a virtual spank while they're there, no doubt.

Imagine admiration, devotion and perhaps even devotion to someone you'd never encountered in person. This is a parasocial relationship, and experience tells us this power dynamic can lead to negative consequences on either side; perhaps Misery. But we're here to debate the other side too. Good can and does come from parasocial interactions you know, mostly from us to you.

Many would say Mike and Aaron display nothing but artificial intelligence, but we're talking about the digital kind here. Will A.I. save us from drudgery and climate breakdown, or will it gain sentience and trigger a nuclear holocaust? Is it a panacea to curb our worst impulses, or will it prove as bad as the worst people who no doubt will control it? Are we all watched over by machines of loving grace, or all walked over by psychotic cyborgs? All this on more on the triumphant return of the topical podcast like no other...until ChatGPT makes us redundant at least.

Food and corpses tend to rot too quickly for convenience, while digital data is always at risk from corruption and theft. What we need are ways to protect these important things for longer...Wikipedia will tell us how! The self-anointed Self-Preservation Society discuss the preservation of all of the above, plus a few more, though strangely not life itself. Make of that what you will.

Dressed to the nines and feeling fine, the night soon goes downhill as Mike gets lairy with the men and cheeky with the women. Some illicit substances and lewd dancing later, the head bouncer makes Mike's enemy list, as he sleeps it off in a holding cell.

Going together like a horse and carriage, the witless wonders proceed to catch the bouquet while gabbering about nuptials and bondage until they're thrown out of the church. Is the spirit of matrimony still sacrosanct, despite Mike's best efforts? There's only one way to find out.

Prepare to burn your mattress and throw it at the screws, as our two jailbait-chasers are on 'lockdown' for inciting a prison riot. With all the time in the world to think about what they've done, Mike and Aaron use their captivity to discuss means, motive and opportunity for imprisonment, as well as some inappropriate gags about prison sex.

Dante judged those guilty of treachery to be among the worst sinners, frozen in the deepest circle of the Inferno, and that's where Mike soon regrets taking a leak. Expect to hear rigorous and possibly infantile debate on the motives for betrayal, as well as a lowdown on history's most famous back-stabbers. (footnote: apologies for the mix-up in the episode, of course the historical figure referenced in the Spanish conquest of the Aztecs should have been Hernan Cortes, not Francisco Pizarro!)

Recognition comes in many forms, but Aaron and Mike only care about the kind that comes with a precious metal lustre in this trophy-laden edition of the usually sparsely-decorated topical radio fiasco. Hear about the many forms of peer approval and adulation as Mike's spiteful envy sees him kick the podium over at the Paralympics.

Our two mutilated grotesques spend a little too long lingering on the more nauseating prospects of body augmentation, including anal tattooing, voluntary amputation, and everything in between. More than a few cautionary tales and wince-inducing verbal images abound, in this unforgettably embellished episode that would leave Dr Frankenstein himself in raptures!

Our two creeping weeds query how Mary-Quite-Contrary's garden grows, while Mike typically beats around her bush, and leaves his green thumbprints all over the scene of the crime...

They see us trollin' - they hatin'. Or we are. Drunken hecklers; catcallers; bullies; all real-life versions of the online phenomena: the troll. As rude as he is gluttonous, you should never feed a troll after midnight. Or at all. Stalking online forums only to sow discord and abuse, it's no surprise to hear Mike having a modicum of sympathy for these love-starved weirdos. What constitutes trolling and what are its motivations? Listen on to find out. Just try not to be a sensitive little flower.

Dropping their kecks, necking brake fluid and firing up the Bunsen burner, our two maladjusted miscreants play with dangerous and sordid implements purely to convey a profound artistic statement to the esoteric masses. Will you get it?

F is for Fat, I is for Idle and T is for....never you mind. Our two out-of-shape oafs illicit suggestions on treating their body as a temple rather than a slagheap from special guest and bodybuilding enthusiast; Greig Ross. Besides the sensible advice, rest assured there will be plenty of roister-doistering from our resident slovenly slobs.

Handshakes and penguin suits all round as Mike combs his hair and watches his mouth for long enough to make a good impression for an important engagement with Her Majesty's Criminal Justice System. What are these strange customs and dress codes we demand of others and ourselves, and what function do they perform? Listen on for a lesson in etiquette and courtesy, soon disregarded and mocked by our disrespectful dilettantes.

Our pair of dense pillars take the piston again, as they investigate what happens when Mother Maths and Father Physics love each other so much that they perform carnal acts to create a functional art baby.

Stock up with Ajax and prepare yourselves for a life of banal drudgery slaving away over a hot stove and retrieving the head of the bog brush, for the Sisyphean theme of domestic labour.

Listen on as our two primates climb down from the trees to see what it feels like to shower and walk upright. While they're down, they restrain themselves from hurling excrement for long enough to discuss the motivations, ideals and patterns of behaviour observed in their close cousins: the human race.

What does Late Night Large have in common with disease? It's always growing. Whether it gives you the shakes, makes your skin fall off or eject your internal organs through your lower colon, /mike and Aaron want to discuss it. Preferably at the dinner table. (Episode produced before Covid, so prescient as Hell too)