Solid-ish

Thank you so much for a fun couple of years! We are not sure what the future holds, but no matter what, we wish your marriage the very best.

Ever wondered if your spouse is a narcissist? You are not alone! In this episode, Scott and Betsy explain why there's a good reason so many people feel this way. They also share five powerful steps you can take toward relationship healing and repair. If you enjoy this episode, please share it with someone you love!

It seems obvious that higher levels of self-compassion would have a good impact on your relationship, but research says it might not be so clear-cut. In this episode, Scott and Betsy dig into a couple of studies that focus on the impact of self-compassion, as well as conscientiousness, on relationships. For further information, check out the studies Scott and Betsy are referencing: Neff, K. & Beretvas, N. (2012), The Role of Self-Compassion in Romantic Relationships; Self and Identity - Link: https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/publications/Neff.Beretvas.pdf Baker, L. & McNulty, J. (2011) Self-Compassion and Relationship Maintenance: the moderating roles of conscientiousness and gender; J Pers Soc Psychol. - Link: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3082631/

In this episode, Scott and Betsy give a quick review of the "Cycle" from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and explore why couples who are able to exit the cycle successfully also seem to be able to describe their cycle in only a few words. Thanks for listening and sharing! Be sure to comment if you have any questions or want us to address a specific topic within marriage.

In this episode, we interview Scott Courey, a marriage therapist specializing in marriage betrayal recovery. Scott shares wonderful insights about the traumatic nature of betrayal and outlines the "5 Stories" a couple must go through to fully recover from such a devastating blow to the marriage bond. If you want to check out more from Scott Courey, be sure to check out his website: http://www.couplesrecovering.com

Learn the essential ingredients your kids (and maybe your spouse) need to learn to better regulate their emotions. Scott and Betsy give the EFT perspective on and article put out by the Gottman Institute: An Age-By-Age Guide to Helping Kids Manage Emotions (https://www.gottman.com/blog/age-age-guide-helping-kids-manage-emotions).

Resources from this episode: www.jessplusthemess.com www.thelucasproject.org www.caregiverdoc.com Jess and Ryan Ronne both lost their spouses to brain cancer, found each other, and now live a challenging and meaningful life with their 8 children, one of which is profoundly disabled. In this episode, Scott and Betsy talk with Jess about the reality of their life and their marriage. Jess shares powerful stories and important insights about how to maintain a healthy family and marriage in the middle of significant struggle.

In this episode, Scott and Betsy get real about the struggles they are having in their marriage right now. They share about the cycle that's keeping them disconnected and describe what they are doing (and what's working) to re-ignite hope for the future.

Scott and Betsy are joined by Sherrie Sin from Straight Line Design to talk about a big marriage stressor...home renovations! Sherrie shares stories of married couples doing that process well, doing it poorly, and shares some tips on how to make your own home renovations go as smoothly as possible.

Scott and Betsy talk with Alex Overbeek, a financial advisor at Provisio Retirement Partners, about his experiences and advice around marriage and money. Alex explains common areas money can cause trouble in the relationship and gives some important tips on how to avoid those pitfalls. You can check Provisio out at: https://www.provisioretirement.com

Scott and Betsy, from West Michigan Marriage Center, explain why resonance is what creates movement in marriage.

Ever feel like you're fighting for your marriage but, despite your effort, the problems keep fighting back? West Michigan Marriage Center's very own Scott and Betsy Nuismer explain why Attunement might be the answer you are looking for. In this episode, Scott and Betsy explain what Attunement is, how it works, and why it can completely change the conversation between you and your spouse. Let us know what you think! Please leave a comment here or send us a message via our website: www.westmichiganmarriagecenter.com

Scott and Betsy Nuismer officially announce their not-for-profit organization, West Michigan Marriage Center. They go over future plans for WMMC, introduce the Marriage Restoration Track, and imagine what it would be like if our whole community had healthier marriages.

Evan and Lia get vulnerable with us on this episode and talk about what it's like to be in the middle of dealing with Evan's porn addiction. They get real about their pain, how lost they sometimes feel, and the glimpses of hope they see along the way.

Tired? Overwhelmed? Getting into fights as a result? We can relate! Scott and Betsy walk you through one of their recent fights. Step-by-step, they explain how they got sucked into the cycle and what they did to get back out of it again, so they could re-connect and repair.

Ever try to help your spouse feel better, only to have it blow up in your face? You are not alone! Scott and Betsy, from the West Michigan Marriage Center, dig into common mistakes we make in marriage (with the best of intentions), why these moves don't work, and the solution that actually works.

Does your marriage feel stuck? In episode 20, Scott and Betsy briefly explain the EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) cycle and then go into detail on what's needed to exit that cycle. Through a hilarious experiment and practical examples, you will learn why slowing down, looking inward, and looking deeper at your spouse's heart all contribute to exiting the cycle and re-establishing your connection.

We all know the remarkable ability our kids have to punch us right in our deepest insecurities. In this episode, Scott and Betsy dig into their own raw spots being triggered in parenting. Using the Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) cycle, they map out why they lose their cool and make the same mistakes their parents made. They also explain why getting vulnerable helps them exit the cycle and repair with their son.

Husbands - does it seem like your wife always wants more from you? In this episode, learn the deeper truth about how to satisfy your wife by being more of yourself. Would you like Scott and Betsy to answer one of your questions about marriage? Email us! scott@hopetherapy.info

Learn the 3 steps you can use to turn your spouse's anger into wonderful bonding moments.

Discover five powerful and effective steps that can save your marriage from the brink and turn it into something beautiful.

Scott shares why forgiveness is like a river which flows naturally until a very specific element drops down like a dam, cutting off that flow. Learn what that element is and how to effectively remove it.

Eric and Renee's marriage was 7 years of hell, followed by 7 years of hard, then 7 years of healing, and now they get to enjoy things being good most of the time. How did they do it? They had the courage to show up for their redemption. Listen to this episode and learn what family dynamics set them up for struggle and how their willingness to "go back there" really set them free.

Kory and Lauren share about one of the most difficult seasons in their marriage. They describe how going through the dark times together is what solidified their trust in each other that, "No matter what happens, no matter how long it takes, we will still be together at the end of it."

Scott and Betsy dive deep into some tough moments with Brent and Lynelle! In this episode, we get to see how years of intentional personal growth result in Lynelle feeling confident in Brent's love during a time when most others would feel disconnected and worthless.

Scott Nuismer, of Upgrade Your Marriage, explains the Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) "Bowtie", developed by Debi Scimeca-Diaz. Using this simple tool, learn both how and why your relationship gets stuck on repeat and can't seem to make any progress.

Scott Nuismer, with Upgrade Your Marriage, explains the typical patterns and experiences for a Pursuer and Withdrawer (two relationship roles outlined in Emotionally Focused Therapy). He describes typical core beliefs, emotions, and why the two roles accidentally drive each other crazy.

Secure attachment and Emotionally Focused Therapy. What are they? Why do they have such healing power? Scott Nuismer, a therapist with Upgrade Your Marriage, explains the basic concepts and shows how/why they work in the flow of real life.

Corey and Erin both grew up "inside the box"...and they were miserable. In this episode, they tell their story: finally throwing off the burden of other people's expectations, what they gained, what they lost, and how their marriage became the safe space that helped them through.

Listen to Gary and Martha's story as they went through pain, confusion, and grief as well as growth, healing, and connection. Gary and Martha's story highlights both the power and importance of NOT stepping in to solve or fix the problem, but rather just listening and being "with". They show us how healing it is when we simply make space for our spouse's pain, rather than trying to push or drag them into a more comfortable or logical place.

Scott and Betsy put themselves in the hot seat! If you want a clear and relatable picture of how life and family dynamics naturally create wounds in our hearts and how those raw spots effect marriage, this is the episode for you! The marriage therapists, Scott and Betsy Nuismer, both dig into their past and give you a VIP tour of their dirty laundry. They describe how wounds can show up even when intentions are good and loving. They share relatable stories of how these wounds created raw spots in their heart. Then they dive into the effect those raw spots had in their marriage, shining some light on what truly lies at the core of most marital conflicts. As always, please feel free to contact them with any comments of questions you have: scott@hopetherapy.info If you are interested in the 2-day marriage intensives Scott and Betsy offer, check out this link for helpful information: https://www.upgradeyourmarriage.com/intensives/hold-me-tight

For more marriage resources and help, visit our website: www.upgradeyourmarriage.com In this episode, we get to highlight two common core fears: "Do I matter to you?" and "Will I ever be enough for you?" Brooke's heart was breaking when she felt Spencer wouldn't create protected space for just the two of them. She was feeling worthless and alone, but feared that sharing this pain with Spencer over and over again would only make things worse. She tried to hold her pain alone and it almost killed her. Spencer was angry, ashamed, and scared when his best effort resulted in a hurting and suicidal wife. Suddenly his world is upside down: actively showing love to his wife seems to have no effect, things that used to be positive are suddenly negative. Things turned around for Brooke and Spencer as they looked honestly at their pain, took ownership of their impact on each other, and stepped courageously toward seeing each other's heart in the middle of the mess.

Burt and Leslie Bolt share how both of them lost their previous marriages due to their spouse's affairs. They describe the pain, loneliness, and darkness followed by their growth, healing, and fulfillment. In this episode, learn some of the keys to ensuring your second marriage doesn't end up same as the first. Learn what's actually sexy in marriage and how opposite it is from what we are taught. Learn why working on your relationship with God is so vital in your ability to trust your spouse.

Jim and Cathy Liske have worked together in ministry for many years. In this episode, they share some of the struggles and frustrations they have encountered. They also offer some key lessons they learned along the way, including the one that helped them stop a lot fo conflict before it started.

Would you stay married if your spouse was addicted to porn or felt you deserved punishment when you didn't give them what they need? In this episode, we interview Steve and Viola Horne. They share the very vulnerable parts of their story, including the effect of sex addiction and domestic violence in their marriage. In our discussion, we get to highlight a very clear "Pursuer/Withdrawer" cycle, the core feelings and fears that make this cycle self-amplifying, and how it drives good people to do terrible things they never dreamed of ever doing. Steve and Viola also share the surprising growth, clarity, and gifts of character that surfaced out of their pain.

In this episode, Steve and Carrie Childerson share honestly about their earlier struggles in marriage and how those struggles pushed them to grow. They describe their conflict styles, the surprises they encountered, the influence of family, and the powerful habit that keeps their marriage beautiful: the process of repair. Questions? We would love to hear from you! Contact: admin@hopetherapy.info Website: UpgradeYourMarriage.com Music written and recorded by Ivan Insingoma: bluesivan@gmail.com