Podcasts about husbands

Oral Sex, Frequency, Desire, and Other Topics Couples Negotiate in Marriage: An Interview with Dr. Michael Sytsma (Episode 300)   *Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message.*   Deuteronomy 30:19 + 20 “This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.”   *Transcription Below*   Dr. Michael Sytsma has been working with couples in a variety of capacities since 1987. He is a licensed professional counselor in the state of Georgia, a Certified Sex Therapist, and a Certified Professional Counseling Supervisor. He is also an ordained minister with The Wesleyan Church and has served as a staff pastor for churches with attendance from 30 to over 1,000. He is currently appointed to Building Intimate Marriages, Inc. by The Wesleyan Church, where he provides marriage and sex therapy and training to other professionals. Michael also cofounded Sexual Wholeness, Inc., a Christian non-profit dedicated to training, equipping, and certifying professionals in human sexuality.    After earning a Bachelor of Science in Christian Ministry from Indiana Wesleyan University, Michael went on to receive a master's degree in community counseling from Georgia State University and a diploma in Christian counseling from Psychological Studies Institute. He subsequently earned a Ph.D. from the University of Georgia in Child and Family Development/Marriage and Family Therapy, where he specialized in marital sexual therapy. His dissertation topic was “Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Married Couples.”    Building Intimate Marriages Secrets of Sex and Marriage   Thank You to Our Sponsor: WinShape Marriage   Questions and Topics We Cover: What habits do you see drawing married couples closer together and also what behaviors or mindsets are pulling them apart? What are the different types of desire discrepancy? Can you share what the Bible says about oral sex and also share research findings?    Previous Savvy Sauce Episodes with Dr Mike: Ten Common Questions About Sex Enjoying a God-honoring, Healthy Sex Life with Your Spouse Remaining Sexually Engaged Through The Years with Dr. Michael Sytsma  Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Marriage Secrets of Sex and Marriage   Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website   Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”   Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”   Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”    Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”    Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”    Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”    John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”   Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”    Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”   Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”   Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory.”   Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”   Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“   Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“   Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”   *Transcription*   Music: (0:00 – 0:09)   Laura Dugger: (0:12 - 1:47) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.   Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message.   I'm thrilled to introduce you to our sponsor, WinShape Marriage. Their weekend marriage retreats will strengthen your marriage while you enjoy the gorgeous setting, delicious food, and quality time with your spouse. To find out more, visit them online at winshapemarriage.org/savvy.   Today, I get to bring back our most repeated guest, Dr. Michael Sytsma. Our show notes are going to have links back to all of his previous episodes on The Savvy Sauce, and you're going to find out why he is invited back so frequently. Dr. Sytsma is a Christian sex therapist, an author, a counseling supervisor, and ordained minister. With a pastoral heart, a gift in teaching, and a passion for helping couples grow in marriage, Dr. Sytsma is the perfect guest for today to discuss these sensitive and sacred topics related to sexual intimacy in marriage. Here's our chat.   Welcome back to The Savvy Sauce, Dr. Mike.   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (1:47 - 1:52) Thank you so much. It's such an honor. It's always a joy to be with you and to talk through this.   Laura Dugger: (1:52 - 2:19) Well, I'm always looking forward to these conversations. And I just want to begin with a broad overview where we can discuss both relationship builders and some of the sneaky relationship retractors. So, what habits do you see drawing married couples closer together? And then also, what are the behaviors and mindsets that are pulling them apart?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (2:21 - 5:57) So, when I sit with couples, obviously the bulk of the couples that I work with are those that are struggling or wanting things to be better. So that may be a bit of a skewed. The couples that come into workshops even are often aware that something's not quite how they want it to be. And so, watching to see what makes a difference, exactly what you're asking. And one of the biggest things I see is just the intentionality of couples that are doing well. I think many times our culture tends to say that if you've picked the right person, if everything is going well, it'll be easy and everything will just flow well. And I find that amusing because it doesn't work in any other area of life. In our finances, we have to be disciplined with them. In parenting, we have to be disciplined with it. In our own health and exercise and what we eat. If we just ate whatever we wanted, I don't think things would be good. If we waited to feel to eat healthy, I don't think we would eat healthy.   And yet couples almost have this idea that you need to desire, you need to feel the urges to do what's healthy in the marriage. And those that wait for it and wait for their spouse to do it, they tend to get irritated and disillusioned and start to see each other negatively and pull apart versus those that sit down and develop a vision. Here's who we want to be as a couple. Here's who I want to be as a husband. Here's who I want to be as a wife. And we begin to lock ourselves into who we're becoming and who we're becoming as a couple and then live intentionally towards that. I see those couples do so much better.   Part of it is, you know, if you say to your husband, here's who I want to be as a wife. And he believes that. He believes that's your heart. Then the day that you get up, and I'm sure this never happens to you, but the day you get up and you're just not in a good mood, you know, the kids kept you awake at night or you didn't eat something that was good for you. You wake up and you're not in a mood. He can extend a ton of grace because he knows you're not satisfied with yourself. He knows that you're not going to like who you are right now and you're not going to tolerate that very long. So, he doesn't have to step in and try to control you, to manipulate you, to make you to be who he wants you to be. He can step back and extend grace knowing that you're probably going to come to him later that day or tomorrow and go, sorry, I wasn't in a good mood yesterday. It was probably tough to live with. And he knows you will reset and the same for him.   If he has a rough day and he doesn't treat you with the cherishing care that you know he wants to be, then you kind of step back and we'll give him a little bit of space. He'll figure it out. And he does. And he resets and he comes back and you make intentional steps towards that vision that you guys have co-created. Those couples tend to do really well. And I see those steps being a little different for different couples because their vision might be slightly different. But the consistent patterns and habits that I see are establishing that vision, locking into it and trusting that you'll do your work and I'm going to do mine. And we're intentional in moving forward with it.   Laura Dugger: (5:58 - 6:20) Okay. So, I'm kind of hearing start with the end in mind, get on the same page with the conversation of what our vision is. And then intentionally, it sounds like pre-deciding before you're waiting for these feelings to come up to even pre-decide practical things of how often do we want to come together? What do we want that to look like? So, am I hearing that right?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (6:20 - 9:28) Yep, very much so. And obviously there's a lot that's wrapped in it. Couples have to be able to communicate effectively, you know, hear and be heard to be able to sit down and sort through who do I want to be? Because usually a few years into marriage, we're starting to ascribe motivation and desire to our spouse that's not fully accurate. And we begin to define them different than they see themselves to be able to hear that, to be able to figure out who do I want to be? How do I work with the personality that I have? Mike works in idiosyncrasies and who's the best person that I can become? And then to be able to share that with each other.   So many couples don't sit down and really talk through. As you know, sex therapy is my primary research and interest area. And so, working a lot with couples that most of the couples I work with have never shared their vision for what they want their sex life to look like. They might've argued about frequency or certain behaviors, but they've never really shared vision. And most when I challenged them to don't have a clue of themselves really how to articulate what they want. So once that vision has been discussed and talked about, then yes, they can start to sort through, well, how do we get there? And can we give ourselves permission for some time?   I told a couple of you yesterday, guys, this is going to take decades to get to where you want to be. And you get to see his face. I said, this doesn't mean that we wait decades till we get there, but you've created a really beautiful vision and nobody can do that overnight. You're going to have to regularly work at it. And you're right. That intentionality of what are we going to do?   I tell couples my recipe is 15 minutes of connect time every day where you're leaning into each other. How are you doing? Really? What's going on? And then a one hour a week, a business meeting, I call it a working date where we sit down, we do the business of marriage. Just being intentional in how do we do this? Well, at least every other week to do a fun date where we are just going and playing together. We're not trying to work on anything. We're not talking about anything difficult. We're playing together. And then once a year, some kind of a continuing ed for their marriage, whether that be some marriage therapy, a retreat, a workshop, going through a sermon series and talking about it, reading a book together, something that gets them to really focus back on how are we doing and how do we make this better? Those are all intentional things that have to be done on a regular basis. Couples who make those, like you say, early decisions and then work to consistently follow through on them. Not perfectly, but consistently following through.   Laura Dugger: (9:30 - 10:08) I love that because the fruit of it is so enjoyable then to be married to one another if you've got this intentional relationship rather than the other option is for it to really overflow into all areas of life and be difficult. But you're clearly a world-leading Christian sex therapist, so I'm very eager to hear your insight on this as well. What would you say is the current trend for trouble areas with sex and intimacy that you're seeing with your clients or people that you meet through traveling the world to speak?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (10:11 - 12:58) Obviously, some of the standards that have been a part of human culture, especially my area of interest, is desire discrepancy. Whether that be husbands and wives who desire different frequencies, who desire different practices, who desire a different tone. I want wild and crazy and you want soft and nurturing. The differing desires are a primary area of conflict for couples. Because if you're not doing what I want, my natural instinct is to lean in and start to make you be that way. And humans don't tend to do well with pressure, so it tends to shut things down and then it spins out. So that's always an ongoing one, but that's also being my primary area of research and focus, one that I see a lot just in looking.   But one that the research seems to be showing that is a bit disturbing, and we've got theories behind what's going on, but we're seeing a decrease in sexual frequency amongst couples, a decrease in couples connecting. Whether that be connecting centrally, nurturing kind of touch, you know, the tender hugs and kisses, caresses, the snuggling together at night, or the more intimate sexual encounters where couples are having intercourse or they're engaging for sexual pleasure, we're seeing a drop in those. We saw it drop. COVID was not friendly to many aspects of marriage, and we saw a lot of it drop towards the end of that. And in many respects, it hasn't recovered, according to some of the research. So that would be an area of concern, because if couples are not connecting, many times they're acting out on their own, because it's easy, I don't have to negotiate you, there's plenty of options and ways to go about doing that. And the experiences, the chemicals that are released when we connect with each other, the associating you with pleasure, all of those things decrease, and they're critical in marriage. So that would be an area that we're kind of keeping an eye on. Is that going to bounce back? What is really going on? Is it a temporary thing, or is it just a glitch in the numbers? And it doesn't seem to be, seems to be what's happening.   Laura Dugger: (13:00 - 13:19) Wow, that is kind of alarming. And since COVID, that is so interesting. You said you have a few theories, and I know you're very scientifically based, so it's too early to report the research findings. But what are your opinions or thoughts on the reasons for that?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (13:21 - 18:05) I think in working with couples, there's a couple of things that I see play out. One is we are in an age of information overload and anxiety overload. We hear so much that is disturbing, and we don't feel like we have any agency in creating change for it. So, the internal stress level just goes up, you know, wars and economy, and things that we dislike that we're out of control with. And we see a general level of stress and anxiety go up for us right now. You know, there's some insecurity in terms of what is the economy really going to do. And all of that, I believe, has an impact on our sexual behavior.   I think, in part, we're wired for that. We think through human history. However long you happen to believe humans have been around, it's a while. For most of that time, we couldn't manage our fertility. So, if a couple engaged in sex, she was going to get pregnant. Well, if I don't have the emotional energy, the bandwidth, the resources to produce a child and to raise them, it makes sense to me that we are wired to not have desire to engage sexually with somebody. We see that especially for women. If stress level goes up, they're not interested. And I think that makes sense. I think it's a wiring in. Why would you want to reproduce if you're living in a stress-filled environment? We need to raise these kids up enough that I have the bandwidth to do another one or we need to have the food resources or whatever is needed. And our brains don't always think through the details of my refrigerator's full. We're fine. It just experiences the stress of what we're in.   Guys are the same way. You tend to have to push guys to a much higher level of stress before it affects their sexual desire. But I watch it almost every day in my office. Guys come in that have lost interest in sex. I look at their lives. I'm like, you're stressed to the max. You're working 60, 70 hours a week. You're not sleeping. You're eating like crap. You're not exercising. Of course you don't have interest. So, living in a culture that has that high level of anxiety and out of control, I think is part of what's going on there. We don't give time to just sit back and relax and realize that we are a blessed people living in a blessed time. We have a lot of resources. We could do this.   I think the other side of it is the impact of, we'll just call it social media, the impact of all of the information we're able to get. And it's curated information. And we only put online the things that we're proud of. So, we put online all of these great images. We look at everybody else's life. And sometimes in the research, we'll talk about monitoring the alternatives. I'm looking at my spouse and I'm looking at them and I'm going, wait, I like what they're doing better than what you're doing. And it creates an overall dissatisfaction that we start to try to make our spouse to be different. And they don't respond well to that. They get defensive and they push back on trying to make us different. And now we've got a power struggle going on and sex doesn't do well in those kinds of settings. Sex doesn't respond well to pressure. Hearts don't respond well to pressure. So, we start to pull away. Then we experience pleasure with you less. And I experience pain and frustration with you more. And when I look over here, it increases that because they're saying this is what it's like for them. That's not what it's like for me. I want that. And I don't know that I can have that with you. So, I want to have sex with you. And it's easier to negotiate pornography. It's easier to negotiate my fantasy stories. It's easier to negotiate something individually than it is to try to negotiate you. And so, the opportunity to experience profound pleasure with our spouse goes down and the frustration goes up and the cycle just continues to spin up. So those would be, they're interrelated, but a couple of ideas that I would have at this point.   Laura Dugger: (18:06 - 20:42) And now a brief message from our sponsor. Friends, I'm excited to share with you today's sponsor, WinShape Marriage. Do you feel like you need a weekend away with your spouse and a chance to grow in your relationship together at the same time? WinShape Marriage is a fantastic ministry that provides weekend marriage retreats to help couples grow closer together in every season and stage of life. From premarital to parenting to the empty nest phase, there is an opportunity for you. WinShape Marriage is grounded on the belief that the strongest marriages are the ones that are nurtured, even when it seems things are going smoothly, so that they're stronger if they do hit a bump along their marital journey.   These weekend retreats are hosted within the beautiful refuge of WinShape Retreat, perched in the mountains of Rome, Georgia, which is a short drive from Atlanta, Birmingham, and Chattanooga. While you're there, you will be well-fed, well-nurtured, and well-cared for. During your time away in this beautiful place, you and your spouse will learn from expert speakers and explore topics related to intimacy, overcoming challenges, improving communication, and more. I've stayed on site at WinShape before, and I can attest to their generosity, food, and content. You will be so grateful you went.   To find an experience that's right for you and your spouse, head to their website, winshapemarriage.org/savvy. That's W-I-N-S-H-A-P-E marriage.org slash savvy, S-A-V-V-Y. Thanks for your sponsorship.   That's so insightful. I have a lot of follow-up questions, so I'll try to organize them because I'm thinking of three categories. First, about just pleasing yourself and not working with your spouse and negotiating. Then also desire discrepancy going further into that and social media. Let's start with the first one. When you see the numbers go down of how often couples engage sexually in marriage, you're seeing those numbers go down. Would you say that automatically means that they are just seeking this out themselves with pornography or doing things in secrecy? Would you like to clarify that?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (20:42 - 23:50) Not necessarily. It is worth asking the question, but I think one of the myths our society has, especially in the church and culture, is that sex is a need. If you're not fulfilling it with me because it's a need, you're getting it someplace. For some people, sex is a strong drive. It's a strong urge. I think it's designed in us that way to draw us to our spouse, to draw us to connecting, but it is not a need. Nobody dies from lack of it. I could line up a whole string of clients that practice sexual fidelity, sexual integrity, and they're not at a place that they can express their sexuality in a way that they believe is honoring, so they don't. Nobody dies. Nobody does poorly, even. Many times, they thrive. The belief that if you're not getting it with me, you're getting it someplace, that may be true, but that's not a foregone assumption.   For some, though, it is. It is something that I want, something that I desire. It meets a lot of my desires. I think sex meets a lot of our needs, a need of acceptance. I do believe that's a need. I think we have a need to be desired, to be pursued. I think those are God-reflective needs in us. God desires those things. I think it's fair to say that those are needs, and we often get those needs met through sex. Even in an altered, hollow way, masturbatory sex can give something towards those needs. It's worth asking, as somebody pursuing that individually. A couple last week, they sat down for the first time and started to talk about that with each other. What do you do? We're only engaging this frequency. What do you do outside of that? They were both surprised at what each other does, and able to step back and say, I'm challenging them to do vision work. What do we want? For one of them, they said, “I don't want this part of my life. I want it to be only you, but that doesn't always work well. What do we need to do so it can be?” The other is not so sure that they want to give up some of what they're enjoying in their individual time. How do we wrap that in? It's interesting to watch them work through the vision and try to figure out who do they want to be as couples. But to go back to your question, no, it's not a foregone that they're going to be acting out. But it's worth asking, and worth asking, is that what you want? Or are you taking that as a second best because you don't see an opportunity to pursue what's really good? If that's true, can we maybe figure out how for both of us to get what we truly desire?   Laura Dugger: (23:51 - 24:19) That's so wise. Then to elaborate also on desire discrepancy, you've shared this is your primary research area. Can you expand a little bit on, I won't hit all of these, but you had talked about it being a desire discrepancy with frequency, with the type of activity, and I feel like there was one other topic. In practices. Can you share more about each of those?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (24:20 - 27:48) Yeah, the primary conflict that comes into my office is often illustrated by frequency. Generally, in most couples, the husband, the male, has a desire for a higher frequency. The female has, her frequency desire tends to be lower. In Secrets of Sex and Marriage, we have all the numbers that play that out. What's interesting is when we test them, they're not as far apart as they believe they are. Actually, in our survey, 22% of couples were wanting the exact same amount. Only 14% or 15% believe that they wanted the same amount, which is a pretty significant difference. Couples are closer together than they think they are. And most of those couples, even when they were different, were only one mark different. She said that she would like to have sex one to two times a week, and he said he would like to have sex two to three times a week. That's one mark different. Most couples were not that different, even when there was one.   Usually what is being expressed there is, I don't know that you desire me as much as I desire you. I desire you in a way that's physically connecting, and you don't seem to. What does that mean about me? What does that mean about am I a desirable person? Would you prefer to have somebody else other than me? Often, underneath that is the fears of, do you choose me? Do you want me? Do you like playing with me? I want a playmate. I want somebody who we can just relax and be together. I want somebody who holds me and nurtures and comforts me, and you don't seem to want to do that. What does that mean about me? The fight about the frequency, but really what's underneath it is a lot of fears.   That comes into the types as well. I want sex that is wild and crazy and spontaneous. I want to be able to walk into the room and you lose your mind. That never happens anymore. I want sex that follows us having long talks where you've cared for my heart and you've nurtured me. We've gone slow and you've really just cherished me. You just want something wild and crazy and to lose your mind. How do we bring those two together? Or practices. I enjoy bringing toys in and playing. You don't like that. You like the one kind that helps you to feel connected. I want to play more. The research on oral sex that we just finished comes into that and how they desire differently around even those practices. So, all of that comes into the office. I'm sure you're hearing at one level it is we're arguing about what I want versus you want. At another level, it's what does that mean? What does it mean to my heart and how do I interpret that you don't want to do this? That comes into play pretty heavily and it's worth couples trying to unpack and figure it out.   Laura Dugger: (27:48 - 28:01) And would you say that to unpack and figure it out is that most beneficial at a neutral time or what kind of conversation starters would be helpful for them?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (28:04 - 29:54) Not to advertise, but Secrets of Sex and Marriage was designed, we wrote it, and my heart desire in it was to have a book that couples could sit down and read out loud to each that would start these conversations. So, if they read through a session or a section that talks about one type of sexual behavior to pause and go, I think this author is stupid. Nobody wants that. And to start the conversation about what do each of them like and what do they want as a couple. I think it often takes something outside of them to help get the conversation started. And we always tell couples don't have these conversations around sex. Don't have it in the bed. Have it at the coffee table the next day. Have it in structured working dates. Have it in times that we're going to talk about this. So, we're doing our best to be our best while we're talking about it. Keep those conversations time limited or you run out of energy. Step at it, work on it a bit, then step back, get a break, rethink. So, all of the stuff that we know how to do with difficult conversations in business, we bring those skills in because heart issues are involved and we're not always aware of the heart issues. If I start to get defensive, we need to step away from it because curiosity is the only thing that's going to work here. So yes, structuring it. Most couples struggle to do that on their own. They struggle to do that on finances and parenting, how to manage your mom, let alone something as intimate as sex. So many times they will need a coach or a therapist or somebody just to hold the space for them so they can have that conversation.   Laura Dugger: (29:55 - 30:08) That's brilliant advice. And I like that kind of step care mentality of getting the book and trying that first. It still is a neutral third party and I think that's a great place to begin.   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (30:09 - 30:26) I love when couples come in and say, well, we read this section and he said, well, that's just stupid. And I look at him like, what do you mean that's stupid? I think that way. And as long as they can stay curious and not critical, those conversations go really well.   Laura Dugger: (30:28 - 30:48) That's good. Staying curious. Okay. So, then you also mentioned social media. So can you speak more to this demand that people are having to, I guess the way that you've worded it in the past is the demand for fantasy that people see in social media and pornography.   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (30:50 - 34:18) Maybe a stupid example. My wife and I are looking at redoing our master bathroom closet. It's been a lot of years. The first person we had come in and take a look at it went, yeah, this has been here a while. Okay. So yeah, maybe it needs to be redone. And so, what do you do? You start jumping online and looking, well, what are people doing today? What do bathrooms look like? And you start looking at them going, wow, I want that. Well, I can't fit that space into my space. So, do I need different space? And all of a sudden, all of these desires that I have and what I fantasize about living in, what if it's not even possible where I'm at? What do I do with the tension in it? Can I look at what I've got and really appreciate it and work on making it maybe better, but not need to swap it out for something else or not stay in a state of discontent with what I got, even after it's been upgraded and redone.   A stupid little example, I think of what goes on in relationship as we watch a couple and their gorgeous pictures of their vacation or their family pictures of, it looks like this big family with all the grands and they're having so much fun together. And every time my kids get together, we have knockdown drag outs, or two of my kids won't even show up, or the grands act out every time that they're around. And my family isn't the ideal family. My spouse isn't the ideal spouse. Here's a picture of him with his arms wrapped around looking so nurturing. And I don't know that my husband ever does that to me. He's always irritated with me. And we go to, I desire to be pursued. I desire to be chosen. I desire to be nurtured. And I see that in all of these images out there, and I'm not experiencing it. And I increase the fantasy of what I could have, what I desire to have. And I look at you and I think, it's not even possible to have that with you. You're not that kind of person. I'm not sure I picked right. And we're creating something that is really destructive in the process.   When we go back a few hundred years ago, and your spouse was chosen for you, or your spouse was one of only a handful of people that were even options. I got the best of those. This is pretty good. And we're working to make it good. And no, it's not perfect. Nobody expected it to be perfect. I love the song in Fiddler on the Roof, Do You Love Me? My father told us that I'd be lucky if in time, we would fall in love with each other, because they didn't marry for love. And then realizing that over the years, they had developed a rich kind of love. That's a very different experience than we have today, where we want the fantasy right up front. And we never want to step out of the fantasy, because it looks like it's all around us. And I don't know that's necessarily good for us, because the real takes work. I don't want to work. I want you to be who I want you to be without me working.   Laura Dugger: (34:20 - 34:39) That's so interesting. And that, I guess, pairing social media and phones, which are relatively recent changes, and then COVID, and there's so much curiosity around why have things changed so much sexually for married couples since COVID? But all of these consequent...   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (34:39 - 35:33) We think in part, it was pushing couples together, because we saw a spike in activity when we first shut things down. I'm blocking on the word that we use for it. But when we first shut things down and lock people up together, we saw an initial spike, and then we saw a drop. And it's that sense of, okay, now you're wearing on me, and I don't know that I want to do this with you. I think some of it was pushing people into the online world. I talk about social media, but it covers all of that online consuming that we do, and the dissatisfaction growing in. So, when you push people together, there's plenty of that talk about that. It doesn't always do real well, unless they're intentional and work at it.   Laura Dugger: (35:34 - 37:26) Okay, that is interesting. As you say, social media, maybe putting it even with phones, even just the amount of time that people you're giving so much attention to your screen, rather than one another. And it does seem like that was from COVID.   By now, I hope you've checked out our updated website, thesavvysauce.com, so that you can have access to all the additional freebies we are offering, including all of our previous articles, and all of our previous episodes, which now include transcriptions. You will be equipped to have your own practical chats for intentional living. When you read all the recommended questions in the articles, or gain insight from expert guests and past episodes as you read through the transcriptions, because many people have shared with us that they want to take notes on previous episodes, or maybe their spouse prefers to read our conversations rather than listen to them or watch them now that we're offering video rather than just audio. So, we heard all of that. And we now have provided transcripts for all our episodes. Just visit thesavvysauce.com. All of this is conveniently located under the tab show notes on our website. Happy reading.   So, this is kind of a big question, but whether it's thinking of wisdom for married couples, or even the way that they train their children so that they can avoid some of these pitfalls later on when they're adults. So, I'm thinking of the engagement and connection in real life face-to-face versus screens. Do you have any other wisdom that may actually impact them sexually someday?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (37:27 - 40:25) There are some foods that we don't eat because they're poisonous to us. There are some things we don't take into our brains because they're toxic to us. Yeah, we do. We learn to stay totally away from those. But yeah, I was thinking more the experiences that I have of even a spouse saying, “you can't have access to anything because I'm so angry at you.” I don't know if that's helpful.   Laura Dugger: (40:26 - 40:56) I see what you're saying. Appreciate the heart behind that, not controlling them and also taking the responsibility of self-discipline. So, there's another topic that many married couples may want to know more about, but they don't know where a safe place is to go and ask. So, this is the topic of oral sex. And so, Dr. Mike, can you share first what the Bible has to say about oral sex, but also share with us some of the research findings?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (40:57 - 52:46) Okay. So, we've got three more hours, right? So, if we tried to collapse it down a little bit, this comes a bit out of just working with it for so many years. We do the couples' workshops. We always do an Ask Dr. Mike. And so, through the entire workshop, today's technology, we used to use three by five cards, but today's technology, they can anonymously send a message in to me. And we take an hour of workshop and just go through those and answer them. And I am always going to get several on the subject. So, it's just been something that we know couples want to know about. Because it is a desire discrepancy, it is of interest to me. And so, we rolled questions about it into our last survey, the Marital Intimacy Project, where we surveyed 501 married couples, and a nationally representative sample. So, these weren't Christian couples, they weren't non-Christian couples, they weren't. The sample represents the 2018 U.S. Census data for the United States. So, in racial mix, racial ethnic mix, and religious mix and age, where they're at in the country. So, this is what these married couples are telling us about. So that's the background that some of this embeds in.   And your first question is, what does scripture say about it? Well, that depends on who you ask. You know, if we go back through most of church history, the purpose for sex was procreation. And anything that wasn't procreative act was considered outside of the boundary of God, because sex was about procreation. And many even teaching that once you got to the age that you weren't trying to have kids any longer, you should stop having sex, because the purpose for sex is procreation. And if you're doing it for pleasure, you're risking sin. If you're doing it for connection, you're risking sin. Well, if sex is about procreation, first, foremost, and sometimes only, oral sex is not acceptable, because it's not a potentially procreative act. That's the language that's often used in some of the church history teaching, that it needs to have the potential for procreation. And if it doesn't, then it's sin, it's outside of God's boundary. So, for hundreds of years, we have teaching that says that oral sex is totally unacceptable because it's not procreative.   If you take a perspective that sex is about connection, or sex is about play, sex is about intimacy, and sex is about pleasure, then all of that is re-evaluated. So, we have those theologians that look at Song of Solomon, where he talks about tasting of her garden. Nobody questions what her garden is in the story, the imagery that's used there. But there are those, or the flip side of that, she talks about drinking of his spring. And many theologians would look at that and say, no, no, no, that's not about oral sex. God would never talk about oral sex because that's unacceptable. It's not a procreative act. He is using imagery there to talk about the intensity of the love and the desire. This is strictly a spiritual story. And then others come in and say, yeah, no, I think it's about the physical. God would talk about that because couples do this, and it's playful, and it's fun, and it's good, and it allows them to connect. And the pleasure is not a bad thing. And when he's talking of tasting of her garden, when she's talking of drinking of his spring, they're talking about oral sex and scripture. And God talks about drink deeply, enjoy. And so, the other side of the argument says, for couples that enjoy this, there's nothing wrong in it.   Now, I think we can make a larger argument. Scripture talks about consent. Scripture talks about honoring one another. Scripture talks about desiring for one another. So anytime we step in and we start using demands, that is not scriptural. You know, Christ was profoundly invitational. He was profoundly inviting in who he was. The language I use for it sometimes shocks people. I say Christ was profoundly seductive. He had the ability to woo, to draw, that he can step up to somebody whose generational career is fishing. This is what their family is about. And he walks up and he says, “Hey, come follow me.” And they drop their nets and leave. I mean, who has the ability to do that? And it wasn't a command, you need to do this, or you're going to burn in hell. No, it was a wooing invitation. He had profound ways to look at somebody and point out their sin. Yeah, I know you've been married to what was it, four men already, and the one that you're living with is not, you're not married to him. He calls out her sin in such a way that she leans into the story. You know, how seductive, how invitational. I want to be a fly on the wall of that well, to experience what it was like to listen to him talk. And how did he draw people so well? That's who we want to be in marriage. We want to be the seductive, the person who draws, not the person who commands. So, if we take any of these principles and we start to demand of our spouse, I think that's not scriptural. So, when you ask, what does scripture say? I think it talks about honoring one another, nurturing one another, inviting, if that's something that's pleasing to you.   So, the question was, well, what do couples do? What do they want? And so, we asked all of these couples to, how often do you perform on your spouse? And what would you like? Do you enjoy it? Do you enjoy performing on your spouse? Do you enjoy having it performed on you? And it was really fascinating. You know, there's a lot of numbers that come into it. But the first thing that we learned is this tends to be couple scoring. If one does, the other one likely does. If we move into desire, that's more individual scoring. But if we move into practice, it tends to be couples. So, the couples where both of them said we never do, couples where both of them said we often do or occasionally do, and couples who said we regularly do or always do, those were clubs. The ones where he said, well, I always do. And she says, “I never do.” Those were rare, which was interesting. And then when we had it broken down into a lot of categories, but when we clumped them all together into the never, rarely, occasionally, sometimes, and often, always, we get almost third, third, and third. And so, couples have said in my office, but everybody does it. Actually, no, they don't. The largest group when we had it all broken down were couples that never do. That was the largest group. And the couples that always do was half of the never do. But if we get the larger categories, it's almost a third, third, and third, which says to me, it's perfectly okay, whatever the couple decides. Let's let them decide their comfort, what they enjoy with it, what it means to them. And that's more important than the behavior of it.   Then when we do get into, and I'm looking over here at my numbers, so I get them kind of right. We did not see a huge difference in age. I expected there to be a difference in practice with age. We didn't see a huge difference. And there was no difference in marital satisfaction or in sexual satisfaction between the couples that did and didn't. The only times we saw a difference was when they were what we would call asymmetrical. And those few couples where she said, “I always do”, and he says, “I never do.” Or the other way around. We got asymmetrical, we saw a decrease in marital and sexual satisfaction. But there was no difference in the couples that say we never do and the couples that say we always do. So, it didn't have an impact on sexual satisfaction. It had a bit of an impact on her orgasmic frequency, which that kind of makes sense. But the biggest difference was in desires and how, whether you like to or not.   So, we asked husbands, do you like to have it performed on you? And we asked wives, does he like when you perform on him? And wives have us figured out. The answer is almost identical to us. When we asked husbands, “does your wife enjoy doing this?” And we asked wives, “do you enjoy performing on him?” Husbands really overestimate how much she enjoys this, which was fascinating. Not a surprise, but fascinating. And there was a big difference between what the husband enjoys and performing on him and what the wife enjoys and performing on him. That was a massive difference. And then in the middle of that is performing on her. And they weren't near as far apart there. But once again, husbands overestimated her enjoyment. Wives underestimated his enjoyment, which was interesting. But there wasn't a huge difference. So, if we take the wife enjoying performing on him, husbands enjoying being performed on, those are quite a bit different. And right in the middle was wives saying that they enjoy it and husbands saying they enjoy performing on her. So that was interesting in looking at what they do and don't like.   Now, I haven't broken it down into some of the categories of couples. Yeah, I did look at it in terms of desire types. And there was some big differences there, which we would expect that an initiating type of a desire is going to want more versus a receptive or resistant, a little less. But I haven't broken down some of it even more detailed. Those initial numbers have been fascinating to see. And I think the takeaway is what we started with. What's your vision? What do you want and why? What does it mean to you? Let's decide what you want in your marriage. And then let's take steps to make it healthy and to be good and to move toward it. And it doesn't have to be tomorrow. We can slowly grow to that.   Laura Dugger: (52:47 - 53:09) That is so interesting. And I'm sure that's so helpful when a majority of people are submitting those kind of questions. Now you have some normative responses. And you also mentioned something in there about the different types of initiation or desire, and one is resistant. So, can you go into all three of those and define that?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (53:10 - 58:20) Yeah. We have the cultural message that desire is being harmed. And it is. That we feel we wake up and I'm interested in sex or you walk by and I'm interested in sex. I want to have sex. We think of it as spontaneous. It's not actually spontaneous, but we think of it as spontaneous. That's an initiating type of desire where we're aware of the desire before arousal. We pursue the sex for arousal is the experience of it. The second, and for that I've shifted to in the book, we talk about a car and being driving neutral and parking, but I've shifted to talking about in terms of boats, you know, that initiating desire is a speedboat, sometimes a really big engine, sometimes not so big of an engine, but it's powered, it's moving forward. Receptive desire requires arousal before the desire shows up. So, it takes an intentional step to move forward. Yeah, we can do that. And I'm enjoying doing this. Oh, my body's enjoying this too. This is good. And then the desire clicks on. So, desire sometimes may not show up till five to 10 minutes into the sex act. Now I want this, please don't stop, you know, please do it this way. Now the desire is there. That's the receptive desire. And I talk about that as kind of like a sailboat. You know, it's not powered by an engine. It needs an external force to kind of get it moving forward. But I also have to have the sails up. And what does it take for me to have the sails up on my sailboat? And what seduces me, what draws me, what helps me to move towards that desire?   And then resistant is the motor's pulled up out of the water, the sails are tied down, and there's two anchors that are, you know, doesn't matter what you do, I'm not moving. I'm not going to allow anything to move me. Or those anchors are there for a good reason, because of trauma, because of wounds, maybe that you have done. Maybe the relationship is not safe. If I get naked, I'm going to be criticized. I don't care to get naked, whether that be emotionally or physically. So, most of the time when I'm working with somebody who's resistant, the resistance is there for a good reason. And we have to figure out what's going on and how do we get rid of the anchors? Or how do we get this engine started again? And it may be physical, it may be emotional, may be relational, may be spiritual. But the resistance is going to be something has got us locked down in our sexuality, or locked down towards you. I'm still interested in sex, just not with you. And so, we have to kind of unpack that.   I do think that generally requires a third party, a therapist who's skilled in this who can work with it. My concern is even most therapists are defining receptive desires, low desire. And so, if somebody comes in and says, well, I have low desire, and they even if they realize they have receptive desire, all of the interventions are designed to increase initiating desire, rather than help somebody to nurture their type of desire, to nurture the receptive type of desire, or to figure out there's a reason you're resistant. Can we step back and create the space for you to drop the guards to figure out why you're resistant? Because he may be resistant and not even know why. He just, I'm not going to go there. And we have to create the space for him to even sit in it and start to figure it out. Or she may be, same thing for her, she may be resistant, and she might have an idea why, but we haven't unpacked it enough to really figure out what's going on. She just feels like she's broken and is being criticized by her husband. So, to step back and figure out which of those three is really going on, and how do we work with it?   So those types, within those, there are different levels, you know, we'll have an initiating desire that has a really big engine. They want sex all the time. Or an initiating desire that has a smaller engine. They don't want it all that often, but when they do, they're going to pursue it. A receptive desire that has really big sales doesn't take an awful lot to get them moving forward, but it doesn't come from within. And those that, you know, it takes a lot of work to get this thing moving forward. Is there a way we can increase the sales a little bit, so it doesn't take quite so much work internally and to the spouse? So, we're looking at types, we're looking at levels. It gets really complex, which is part of the fun of it, but part of what makes it tough for couples, and they default to the, you're broken, you don't want me, you don't like me. They default to simple answers that don't work. Mm.   Laura Dugger: (58:21 - 58:37) Okay. So, it sounds like you're saying the goal isn't to get everybody to have the engine, which is maybe where some therapists could direct them in the wrong way, but to grow in the freedom and releasing and get closer to the vision.   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (58:38 - 59:38) I was teaching this to some therapists and one of them came up on break and she says, “okay, I hear all of this, but you've got to be honest that truly the healthy person, when they've done good work, is going to have initiating desire.” If you walk into the therapy office with that, the receptive desire person, you're always internally thinking you're broken, you're immature, you're something, you're not okay. That's wrong. No receptive desire is a legitimate type. We're not trying to get the receptive person to be initiating. That's probably, I suspect that's not how they're wired. So, asking them to be that different, and they'll say, but there was a time that they were, well, yes, but that was a unique season of life where biology was very different. Now they're kind of, they're normative, so.   Laura Dugger: (59:39 - 1:01:06) That's so great. And that's what I always appreciate. Dr. Mike, you always offer hope for everyone, even the one who's locked down with the anchors. It's a, how can we start to lift those anchors? There's hope that there is change and restoration possible. And I've just loved this conversation. Deuteronomy 30 keeps coming to mind. There are two verses because I feel like you've laid out wisdom for intentionality or the negatives and hazardous results that can come from overindulging, prioritizing, connecting with our phone rather than our spouse. And so, I just want to read these two verses from Deuteronomy 30, it's verses 19 and 20. It says, "This day, I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord, your God, listen to his voice and hold fast to him for the Lord is your life. And he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob." So, it's just been such a delight to have this conversation. And I know we could talk all day, but you still have a full day of work to also get back to. So where can we go after this chat to learn more from you?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (1:01:07 - 1:01:38) My primary website is intimatemarriage.org. And there are links through that to even get to like my link page that has some of the professional articles. We're putting together some little teaching videos that grab some of this. All of that can be located through intimatemarriage.org. And of course, secretsofsexandmarriage.com is the book website too. There are a lot of resources there.   Laura Dugger: (1:01:39 - 1:01:59) I highly recommend both of those. So, we'll add the links in the show notes for today's episode. And you're familiar as our most repeated guest that we are called The Savvy Sauce because savvy is synonymous with practical knowledge. And so, my final question for you today, Dr. Mike, what is your savvy sauce?   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (1:01:59 - 1:02:37) I think it would flow from what you were just reading there in Deuteronomy. What does it take to choose life versus choose death? I can choose death by being passive, by waiting for something to happen. If I'm going to choose life, I'm working on it. So, it goes to what we started with, a vision-based intentionality. Is the savvy sauce, who do I want to be? Who do we want to be? And how do I be intentional and consistently and regularly moving toward that? Not perfect in it, but I know what I'm striving toward and I'm being intentional and taking steps that direction.   Laura Dugger: (1:02:38 - 1:03:07) So good. And Dr. Mike, just thank you for being a safe place where we can go for these sensitive and sacred topics. I think it's going to be fascinating someday in heaven to hear all of the people saying, “oh yeah, he helped us with our marriage too. And he helped us.” So we've been so enriched because of your work. So, thank you for your investment in your work that impacts people for eternity. And thank you for being my guest.   Dr. Michael Sytsma: (1:03:08 - 1:03:09) Well, thanks for having me back.   Laura Dugger: (1:03:10 - 1:06:52) One more thing before you go, have you heard the term gospel before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you, but it starts with the bad news.   Every single one of us were born sinners, but Christ desires to rescue us from our sin, which is something we cannot do for ourselves. This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So, for you and for me, it means we deserve death, and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved.   We need a savior, but God loved us so much. He made a way for his only son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute. This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with him.   That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life. We could never live and died in our place for our sin.   This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus. We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished. If we choose to receive what he has done for us, Romans 10:9 says, “that if you confess with your mouth, Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”   So, you pray with me now. Heavenly father, thank you for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to you.   Will you clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare you as Lord of their life? We trust you to work and change lives now for eternity. In Jesus name we pray.   Amen. If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring him for me. So, me for him, you get the opportunity to live your life for him.   And at this podcast, we're called The Savvy Sauce for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So, you're ready to get started.   First, tell someone, say it out loud, get a Bible. The first day I made this decision, my parents took me to Barnes and Noble and let me choose my own Bible. I selected the Quest NIV Bible and I love it.   You can start by reading the book of John. Also get connected locally, which just means tell someone who's a part of a church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you.   We want to celebrate with you too. So, feel free to leave a comment for us here. If you did make a decision to follow Christ, we also have show notes included where you can read scripture that describes this process.   And finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, “in the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.   And if you've already received this good news, I pray you have someone to share it with. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.

Canon Stephen Sharpe, ICKSP, serves as Parochial Vicar at St. Joseph Shrine in Detroit, Michigan. He was ordained in 2020. In Today's Show: How can we pursue forgiveness rather than vengeance? What is the official rite of conditional confirmation? How does Canon remain strong in his faith despite the state of the world? What is the difference between the ICKSP and the FSSP? Why are the Ember days this week? Why do priests no longer tell wives to submit to their husbands? What is the most unique place Canon has heard confession at? Visit the show page at thestationofthecross.com/askapriest to listen live, check out the weekly lineup, listen to podcasts of past episodes, watch live video, find show resources, sign up for our mailing list of upcoming shows, and submit your question for Father!

Gummitch knows he was meant for more than the ordinary life of a house cat, but finding an outlet for his restless imagination isn't easy. When his baffled humans finally discover what he has been doing in the kitchen, they realize their cat may be creating something they never thought an animal could make. Kreativity For Kats by Fritz Leiber. That's next on The Lost Sci-Fi Podcast. Fritz Leiber wrote some wonderfully zany science fiction. Nice Girl With 5 Husbands, Later Than You Think, The Last Letter, and my personal favorite among his humorously strange tales, What's He Doing in There? Leiber had a knack for taking a ridiculous idea completely seriously—and somehow making it work. And then there's Gummitch. Gummitch is a cat, but calling him a cat doesn't really do him justice. He thinks about other dimensions, studies the strange worlds inside mirrors, remembers when he dreamed of becoming a man and traveling into space, and has some very definite ideas about what constitutes a worthwhile life. Unfortunately, his humans have absolutely no idea what's going on inside his head. Kreativity For Kats appeared in the April 1961 issue of Galaxy Magazine, three years after Leiber first introduced Gummitch in Space-Time for Springers. This time Gummitch is restless, frustrated, and looking for something that will put his considerable imagination to work. What he comes up with leaves his humans scratching their heads—and might make you look a little differently at the next mess your cat makes on the floor. Kreativity For Kats by Fritz Leiber. Next on The Lost Sci-Fi Podcast, A brilliant scientist creates a mechanical mind capable of reasoning beyond its maker, then discovers it has begun building for itself. When towering machines march against entire cities, one man must find a way to destroy an intelligence that can outthink every human opponent. The Metal Giants by Edmond Hamilton. Lost Sci-Fi Premium - https://lostscifi.supercast.com/ Buy Me a Coffee - https://lostscifi.com/coffee Newsletter - https://lostscifi.com/free/ Facebook - https://lostscifi.com/facebook YouTube - https://lostscifi.com/youtube X - http://Lostscifi.com/x Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/lostscifiguy Merchandise - https://lostscifi.creator-spring.com/ Thanks to Our Listeners Who Bought Us a Coffee $200 Someone $100 Josh Jennings, Tony from the Future $75 James Van Maanenberg $50 Tony Ciak, Ryan and Kait, James Van Maanenberg, MizzBassie, Anonymous Listener $25 Fintan Quigley, Curious Jon, David Bell, Steve, Miriam, Someone, Someone, Eaten by a Grue, Jeff Lussenden, Fred Sieber, Anne, Craig Hamilton, Dave Wiseman, Bromite Thrip, Marwin de Haan, Future Space Engineer, Fressie, Kevin Eckert, Stephen Kagan, James Van Maanenberg, Irma Stolfo, Josh Jennings, Leber8tr, Conrad Chaffee, Anonymous Listener $15 Every Month Someone $15 Tina Godby, Steve, Someone, SueTheLibrarian, Joannie West, Amy Özkan, Someone, Carolyn Guthleben, Patrick McLendon, Curious Jon, Buz C., Fressie, Anonymous Listener $10 David, Anonymous Listener $5 Every Month Eaten by a Grue $5 Tammy, Owen, Bruce, Someone, TLD, David, Denis Kalinin, Timothy Buckley, Andre'a, Martin Brown, Ron McFarlan, Tif Love, Chrystene, Richard Hoffman, Anonymous Listener Listen without commercials and enjoy exclusive bonus episodes every month with Lost Sci-Fi Premium—start your free 7-day trial today. https://lostscifi.supercast.com/ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Sunday School Service

Send us Fan MailThis story has it all!  Husbands, wives, besties, and insurance money!Support the show

Welcome back to another filthy night of Nikky After Dark. Tonight the birthday gifts don't come in boxes—they come in the form of a 7-foot friend singing Happy Birthday while he's buried inside her, a hotel room with a whistle and a stranger she never sees, a 59-year-old woman who asked for the 20-year-old caddy, and a ten-year fantasy involving an SUV with the seats ripped out, a tire swing, and a six-hour timer sitting on her tongue.Husbands wait their turn. Partners watch from the chair. Some of them planned every detail down to the negligee and the unlocked door. One woman finally said the thing she'd been carrying for a decade. These are the confessions that start with “this is what I want” and end with someone saying yes.Settle in. Things get very, very filthy.Question of the night: If you could give your partner one night where they were only allowed to receive—what would you do to them first?Send your confessions to Nikky@DearNikky.com, DearNikky.com/confessions, or drop them in Discord. Live shows Monday–Saturday 8pm Central.Stay tuned, because these stories are dripping with tension, risk, and raw lust.Support The Show: Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/channel/dear-nikky/id6442972835 Spreaker: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/dear-nikky-hidden-desires--6316414/support Join us over on Discord:  https://discord.gg/MfsyKuPxMK Featured Release: Dear Nikky: Sex Confessions From People Just Like You is out now! Dive deeper into the raw, unfiltered stories you love.Contact:Email: Nikky@dearnikky.com (or dear.nikky.confessions@gmail.com)Website: DearNikky.com/confessionsSocials: Twitter/X (@DNikky162), Instagram (@DNikky162), Facebook (@DearNikky)Content Warning: This episode contains explicit sexual content, including graphic descriptions of ass play, butt plug sex, bisexual encounters, threesomes, public/exhibitionist sex, and consensual adult fun. Stories depict enthusiastic consent. Listener discretion advised; 18+ only. Submissions involving bestiality, incest, underage role-play, rape, non-consensual content, or racial slurs are not aired.Get Involved:Submit Your Story: Got a secret fantasy or steamy confession? Write to Nikky at Nikky@dearnikky.com or submit anonymously at DearNikky.com/confessions. By submitting, you certify you're 18+, the sole creator, and that the content meets our guidelines.Say Hello: Have a burning fantasy or just want to chat? Reach out on socials or email — Nikky loves hearing your naughtiest thoughts!Support the Show: Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Spreaker or your favorite platform. Your support helps new listeners discover the heat!

Got some sh!t to say?What does it actually mean to date with intention? Do you need to know exactly what you want before you start dating, or is “let's just see where it goes” a perfectly reasonable approach? Marko and Steve get into the messy middle of dating, expectations, communication, and the very real consequences of two people thinking they're having two completely different experiences.Steve also opens up about his experience being on a dating show and what that experience taught him about dating, expectations, and being intentional about what you want from another person. Because when you're literally dating with an audience watching, you might learn a few things about yourself that you weren't expecting.To wrap things up, the guys  tackle the week's Listener Sh!tuation, offering their thoughts and guidance on a real life dilemma from the audience.Support the showSh!t | Leave us a voicemail with your relationship sh!tuation at (903) POD- SHIT.  That's (903) 763-7448.  You can also fill out a Listener Sh!tuation on our website, podrelationshit.com, or email us at relationshitquestions@gmail.com. Visit Us |www.podrelationshit.com for more Relationsh!t content and information about the podcast.Donate | Head over to patreon.com/podrelationshit and start donating today!  Your donations will give you early access to the podcast,  behind-the-scenes interviews with our weekly guests, and merchandise.Rate Us | Go to your favorite podcast directory and give Relationsh!t a 5-Star rating, and a fantastic review!Follow Us | Instagram and Facebook: @podrelationshit

In honor of the new season of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives starting, we're doing a rewind and giving you the chance to re-listen to this wonderful episode about one of our favorite Mormon husbands. Jolenta is joined by Cass and Emma from the wonderful Honeydew Me Pod, to talk about one of their favorite scenes from season four of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives - the scene where Conner reveals his passion for magic. You don't wanna miss this great conversation about Mormon husbands, relationship dynamics, and playing the villain. Honeydew Me insta HMT Insta Sources: Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, Hulu Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We talk about why 'The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo' Movie Adaptation has taken so long to create and talk about The Family Stone 2!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This episode of the Bible Explained podcast delves into the topic of husbands submitting to God in their marriage relationships: Husbands must live with their wives according to knowledge - in other words, "In an understanding way." Being a Christian husband means treating one's wife with respect, even if she is difficult, and not pulling away from her or trying to find someone else. The concept of the "weaker vessel" is explained, referring to the physical bodies of men and women, and how men should honor their wives in this regard. Sin immediately ruined the marriage relationship, but this will not be the case forever. Husbands and wives are joint heirs of the grace of life. Treating one's wife with disrespect can hinder one's own prayer life and relationship with God. Related Episode: Ephesians 5:21-33 - Love and Submission in Marriage (Part 2) After you're done with that, check out these websites: YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hnh-aqfg8rw Ko-Fi - https://ko-fi.com/p40ministries Website - https://www.p40ministries.com Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/p40ministries Contact - jenn@p40ministries.com Books - https://www.amazon.com/Jenn-Kokal/e/B095JCRNHY/ref=aufs_dp_fta_dsk Merch - https://www.p40ministries.com/shop YouVersion - https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/38267-out-of-the-mire-trusting-god-in-the-middle Check out LifeAudio for other faith-based podcasts on parenting, studying Scripture, and more:www.lifeaudio.com Need help memorizing Scripture? Check out Verse in the Chorus: https://www.youtube.com/@VerseintheChrous Become a member to gain access to The Bible Explained on Fridays: https://ko-fi.com/p40ministries Support babies and get quality coffee with Seven Weeks Coffee https://sevenweekscoffee.com/?ref=P40 Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

I brought my wife on to talk marriage, with a slight emphasis on the man's role. We've been married eleven years, going on twelve, and our story is a little unusual, she came into my life mid-hike, stepping straight into raising my three kids from my first marriage, and now we've got five kids between us. We use that story to unpack one of our favorite analogies: marriage is an empty box, and the only thing you can pull out of it is what you've actually put in. Most people think marriage is going to solve their problems or fix their loneliness, but the truth is marriage exposes whatever cracks are already in your foundation, and taking ownership of yourself is the first and most important skill for building something healthy.We get really honest about our own early years, including the alarm I used to set on my phone that just said "the house has needs," and how I realized that if I didn't want my wife to feel like my mom, I had to take responsibility instead of waiting to be told what needed doing. We talk about how there's no universal standard of "shoulds" in a marriage, everybody's definition of responsible comes from how they were raised, and how learning to make what matters to your spouse actually matter to you is a skill, not an instinct. We also get into a striking statistic about how a husband coming to faith is far more likely to bring the whole family along than if a wife or child does first, which speaks to just how much of a catalyst a man is for the emotional and spiritual direction of his home.We close out with practical tools for anyone who didn't grow up with a healthy model for any of this: get a counselor, get into a community of healthy men who will call you up instead of enabling you, and stop carrying secrets, because what you hide defines you, while what you bring into the light sets you free. I also bring in John Gottman's research on the "four horsemen" that can predict with striking accuracy whether a marriage will succeed or fail, and why resentment and unforgiveness are so dangerous once they take root. At the end of the day, the goal isn't just a peaceful marriage, it's a connected one, and that takes both people willing to take ownership. Thanks for listening, guys, stay brave, and we'll see you next week.Chapters:00:00 – Intro04:50 – The Marriage Box09:40 – Who's Better at Taking Ownership in Our Marriage? 14:38 – "She Feels Like My Mom"19:28 – The System That Never Gets Set Up 24:20 – When Dad Never Showed Weakness 29:11 – Why Counseling Isn't a Lifetime Sentence 34:06 – The Pressure of Being the Only One Who Knows 38:55 – The Man as Catalyst43:46 – The Four HorsemenCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

We don't fight PEOPLE. We fight FOR people.Lukewarm Christianity is accepting just enough of Jesus to make us FEEL better, but not enough of Jesus to CHANGE our lives.COMFORTABLE Christianity is where faith goes to DIE.Revelation 3:15–20  “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.”1. Jesus confronts what he LOVES.The rebuke is not REJECTION. It's RESCUE.Conviction is LOVE refusing to leave you where it found you.2. Distance creates DRIFT.Ephesians 5:25–27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.3. Self-sufficiency STARVES the soul.Revelation 3:17 "You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked."Growth doesn't make us LESS dependent on God. It should make us MORE dependent.SUCCESS makes promises that only JESUS can keep.Hebrews 10:24–25 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another — and all the more as you see the Day approaching.4. Consistency REKINDLES devotion.All-in Christians do CONSISTENTLY what lukewarm Christians do OCCASIONALLY.What you do occasionally may INSPIRE you. What you do consistently FORMS you.Revelation 3:19–20 "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me."Jesus went ALL IN for you. So go ALL IN for Him.

Vintage Ciy Church | A Posture of Submission: Husbands • 1 Peter 3:7 • Gary Peters In this teaching, we explore Peter's instructions to husbands, focusing on the call to love, understand, honor, and protect their wives by following Christ's example and recognizing them as equal heirs of God's grace.

Pastor JoVon Anderson Old Brooklyn Campus Chapters (00:00:01) - Opening Prayer(00:01:15) - Welcome and Sermon Series Introduction(00:02:01) - Introducing Marriage as the Topic(00:03:10) - The House Analogy: Foundation vs Features(00:05:09) - Every Marriage Faces Weight and Tension(00:05:46) - A Purpose-Filled Marriage Built on Christ(00:07:17) - Speaking to Struggling, Divorced, and Single Hearts(00:08:42) - Ephesians 5:21 - Mutual Submission Explained(00:10:40) - Submission as Choice, Not Feeling(00:13:50) - Marriage: Commitment Not Convenience(00:15:12) - Submitting Out of Reverence for Christ(00:16:04) - Christ at the Center, Not Self(00:17:25) - Marriage Takes Grit and Sanctifies Us(00:20:50) - Being a Christ-Centered Person, Not Just Finding One(00:21:11) - A Word to the Single: Identity in Christ(00:23:21) - How Your Marriage Impacts Others Watching(00:26:23) - Verse 22: Wives, Husbands, and Headship Explained(00:28:52) - Headship as Responsibility, Not Control(00:30:07) - Cherishing Your Wife in Practical Ways(00:33:53) - Marriage as a Gift Entrusted by God(00:35:17) - Marriage Has a Goal Beyond Ourselves(00:35:59) - Marriage Requires Grit and Fighting for Unity(00:37:15) - Marriage Sustained by Grace(00:38:35) - Enjoying and Building Your Marriage(00:40:25) - Closing Prayer for Marriages and Singles

1.The Godly Husband 2. The Two-Fold Duty 3. The Fruit Scripture: 1 Peter 3 Text: 1 Peter 3:7

Today,in verses 15 through 18, Paul gives us more details about what will happen whenJesus comes again.Paulbegins in verse 15: “For this we say to you by the word of the Lord.” Ilove that expression. Paul wants them to understand that what he is about totell them isn't speculation. It isn't Paul's personal theory about the future. Hesays it is “by the word of the Lord.” Then Paul says: “That we whoare alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precedethose who are asleep.” Verse16 says: “For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, withthe voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God.” The Lord Himself is coming! The same Jesus who left this earth is comingagain. Acts chapter 1 tells us that when Jesus ascended into heaven, two angelstold the disciples: “This same Jesus, who was taken up from you into heaven,will so come in like manner as you saw Him go into heaven.”  Thensomething incredible happens: “And the dead in Christ will rise first.”  ThenPaul says in verse 17: “Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught uptogether with them in the clouds.” That expression “caught up” means to besuddenly seized or taken away. It is from the Latin translation of thisexpression that we get our familiar word “rapture.” Someone might say, “Theword rapture isn't in my English Bible.” That's true, but the truthdescribed by that word certainly is. Paul says believers who are alive whenChrist comes will be “caught up.” First Corinthians 15:51–52 describesthe same wonderful event: “Behold, I tell you a mystery: We shall not allsleep, but we shall all be changed—in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye.”  Butnotice something else that I especially love. Paul says we will be caught up “togetherwith them.” Remember what the Thessalonians were worried about? Their lovedones who had died. Paul says there is going to be a reunion! The dead in Christwill rise, living believers will be changed, and together we will meet theLord. I've often thought about what that reunion will be like. Parents reunitedwith children. Husbands reunited with wives. Brothers and sisters togetheragain. Friends and fellow believers separated by death embracing once more. Whata day that will be! Butas wonderful as that reunion will be, it isn't even the greatest part of thepromise. Paul continues: “To meet the Lord in the air.” We are going to seeJesus! The One we have believed in but never physically seen. The One we haveprayed to. The One whose Word we have read. The One we have worshiped. The Onewho loved us and gave Himself for us. One day, we are going to see Him face toface. And then comes what I believe may be the greatest phrase in this entirepassage: “And thus we shall always be with the Lord.” Forever withJesus. Never separated again. No more death. No more funerals. No more hospitalrooms. No more cancer. No more heartache. No more goodbyes. No more temptation.No more sin. Forever with the Lord. Andnotice how Paul finishes this great prophetic passage. He doesn't say: “Therefore,argue with one another about these words.” He doesn't say: “Therefore,speculate about dates and times.” He says in verse 18: “Therefore comfortone another with these words.” Bible prophecy isn't given merely to satisfyour curiosity. It is given to produce hope, holiness, faithfulness, andcomfort. When we stand beside the grave of a believer, we can comfort oneanother with these words. When the world seems increasingly uncertain, we cancomfort one another with these words. When our bodies grow older and weaker, wecan comfort one another with these words. When we miss those who have gonebefore us, we can comfort one another with these words.Jesusis coming again. The dead in Christ will rise. We will be caught up together. Wewill see Jesus. And best of all: “We shall always be with the Lord.”

What if becoming a healthier leader at home doesn't require a major overhaul, but simply a two-degree shift? High-capacity leaders know how to solve problems, make decisions, and get things done. But the skills that make you effective at work don't always translate at home. That's because your greatest strengths, like your drive, capacity, and ability to fix things, can keep you from slowing down, listening, and connecting with the biggest fans under your roof. In this episode, Dr. Josh explores how small relational shifts can change the way you lead in your marriage and family. He also provides small, practical, two-degree shifts that can change the trajectory of your family and the atmosphere of your home. You don't need a 90-degree turn. You just need two degrees. *Thank you to Bernhardt Watches for sponsoring this episode! Click here and be sure to use the code FAMOUS at checkout for $100 off your timepiece! https://www.bernhardtwatch.com/ Time Stamps:0:00 The 2-Degree Shift That Changes Everything 1:30 Why High-Capacity Leaders Struggle at Home 2:28 You Don't Need a 90-Degree Turn4:38 The Rubber Band That Changed How I Parent8:00 The Three Most Important Words You Can Use in Your Home9:30 Why Leadership at Work Doesn't Translate at Home11:10 From the Pain Cycle to the Peace Cycle13:50 How to Pay Attention to Your Unrealized Emotions21:00 The 2-Degree Shift That's Gold for Your Children 22:45 The Most Powerful Two-Degree Shift for Your Marriage 24:05 Find Your “Adirondack Chair” Moment 25:15 Pick One Shift. Practice It for 30 Days Show Notes: Looking for one-on-one coaching to be famous at home? https://www.famousathome.com/individualcoachingMen, sign up for the Living Legacy Cohort. Starts Jan. 2027. Seats are limited. https://www.famousathome.com/menscoaching Looking for a marriage intensive with Famous at Home? Apply now.  https://www.famousathome.com/coaching Get a copy of the Famous at Home book: https://amzn.to/4cm9mRS Follow Josh on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/joshua.straub Sign up for our email list and Famous at Home Starter Bundle: https://www.famousathome.com/newsletter Download NONAH's single Find My Way Home by clicking here: https://bellpartners.ffm.to/findmywayhome

Got some sh!t to say?After a much-needed summer break, Marko and Steve are back for Season 14 of the Relationsh!t Podcast — and, apparently, the world decided not to wait for them to return before getting messy.For the first episode of the new season, the guys aren't coming in with a carefully planned topic or a guest. They're just sitting down to catch up. Because after being away for the summer, there's a LOT to talk about.The guys take a moment to reflect on the people we've lost and the deaths that have saddened us over the break, before turning their attention to some of the absolute nonsense happening in Washington, D.C. From the latest chaos coming out of the White House to the never-ending political circus, the guys unpack what has been happening while they've been gone.Support the showSh!t | Leave us a voicemail with your relationship sh!tuation at (903) POD- SHIT.  That's (903) 763-7448.  You can also fill out a Listener Sh!tuation on our website, podrelationshit.com, or email us at relationshitquestions@gmail.com. Visit Us |www.podrelationshit.com for more Relationsh!t content and information about the podcast.Donate | Head over to patreon.com/podrelationshit and start donating today!  Your donations will give you early access to the podcast,  behind-the-scenes interviews with our weekly guests, and merchandise.Rate Us | Go to your favorite podcast directory and give Relationsh!t a 5-Star rating, and a fantastic review!Follow Us | Instagram and Facebook: @podrelationshit

Why do two people who deeply love each other sometimes struggle so much in the bedroom?This week on the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, Nick and Amy dive into one of the biggest sources of frustration in marriage: men and women often experience and understand sex very differently.When we view our spouse's sexual behavior through our own lens, it's easy to feel rejected, pressured, unwanted, or misunderstood. But when we understand why our spouse may view physical intimacy differently, those differences can become a bridge instead of a barrier.Nick and Amy unpack several of the biggest differences between husbands and wives when it comes to sex.Sex as a Physical Need vs. an Emotional GatewayFor many husbands, physical intimacy is one of the primary ways they experience love, connection, reassurance, and emotional closeness. Feeling desired by their wife can make them feel deeply valued and connected.For many wives, the process can work in the opposite direction. Emotional connection, feeling loved, heard, supported, and safe can create the environment where sexual desire can grow.That can create a frustrating cycle:He wants sex to feel connected → she wants connection to feel ready for sex.Both are seeking connection—but they're approaching it from opposite directions.Spontaneous Desire vs. Responsive DesireNick and Amy also discuss the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire.Many men can experience desire seemingly out of nowhere. A thought, a visual cue, or simply being around their wife can spark sexual desire.Many women experience desire more responsively. Desire may develop after affection, emotional connection, relaxation, flirting, touch, and feeling safe and connected.When couples don't understand this difference, a husband may interpret his wife's lack of immediate desire as rejection, while a wife may wonder why her husband seems ready for sex when she hasn't even mentally switched gears.Stress Can Affect Men and Women DifferentlyHere's another major difference: stress doesn't always affect spouses the same way.For many husbands, physical intimacy can be a way to relax, reconnect, and escape the stress of the day.For many wives, stress can completely shut down sexual desire. If she's carrying the mental load of work, kids, finances, housework, and everything else on her plate, it can be difficult to transition from “I have 47 things to do” to “I'm ready for intimacy.”Understanding this difference can help couples stop taking each other's responses personally and start working together.Visual vs. Experiential StimulationNick and Amy also talk about how husbands and wives can be stimulated differently.Men are often highly visually stimulated, while many women are more influenced by the overall experience and context—how their husband talks to them, treats them, touches them, listens to them, helps them, and makes them feel throughout the day.For a wife, what happens outside the bedroom can have a huge impact on what happens inside the bedroom.So How Do Couples Bridge the Gap?Understanding the differences is only the beginning. Couples need to learn how to meet each other in the middle.Nick and Amy share practical ways to do that, including:Give zero-pressure affection. Let a hug just be a hug sometimes. Physical touch doesn't always have to lead to sex.Practice emotional foreplay all day. Connection, flirting, kindness, communication, and helping carry the mental load can all contribute to intimacy.Communicate your bids for intimacy clearly. Husbands can express their desire without making it feel like a demand, and wives can communicate when they're not ready without making their husbands feel unwanted.Create more safety and playfulness. Take the pressure off and make intimacy something you both look forward to rather than something one spouse is constantly requesting and the other is constantly avoiding.Ultimately, men and women aren't necessarily fighting against each other—they're often fighting to have their own needs understood.A husband may be thinking, “Why doesn't she want me?”A wife may be thinking, “Why doesn't he understand what I need to want him?”Both may be longing for the same thing: connection.When a husband learns to pursue his wife's heart as well as her body, and a wife understands that her husband's desire for physical intimacy can be deeply connected to his desire for love and reassurance, couples can stop fighting their differences and start using them to create greater intimacy.Your spouse isn't necessarily wrong because they experience sex differently than you do. They may simply be wired differently.The goal isn't to make your spouse think like you.The goal is to understand how they experience intimacy—and learn how to love them in a way they can actually feel.Tune in as Nick and Amy unpack the differences between male and female desire, what couples commonly misunderstand about sex, and practical ways to turn those differences into a stronger, more connected and passionate marriage.

Sermon Notes: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qS2-T8uApN247ufMGX22VoXeTnSaBSGc/view?usp=drive_linkSubscribe to our channel:https://www.youtube.com/shepherdshouseazWebsite: shepherdsaz.orgInstagram: @shepherdshouseazFacebook: /shepherdshouseazTiktok: @shepherdshouseazYoutube: /shepherdshouseaz

God is an amazing God. A loving God. But there's a side to Him that we don't like to think too much about.  It's the angry God.  The God of judgement and wrath.  But if we don't get our mind around that side of Him, then the good news of Jesus – well there's nothing good about the news.   Why Sin is a Four Letter Word Now, something that strikes me as I look around the world in which we live, is that we live in a world where just about anything goes. Even in my short life time – just on half a century, which, in the overall scheme of history, is like a drop in the ocean – things have changed radically. Let me give you just one example. When I was a young man, a woman falling pregnant outside marriage was a great matter of shame. Today it's a life style choice that many women make. Many, many couples choose to live together without making the commitment of marriage. And just in case you think I am plucking that out of the air, the statistics tells us that, in Australia at least, co-habitation before marriage has increased – wait for this – from eighteen percent of couples in 1975 to almost sixty percent today. It's gone from being the exception, to being more the norm. Just the way things are these days. You know, sometimes you hear people thumping the table, telling us how bad things are these days, "Now like the good old days when I was young." The implication is that this younger generation is, well, you know, they have no discipline or standards and if only things were like they were back in the "good old days". The problem is, the "good old days" weren't really that good. Husbands still beat their wives back in the "good old days". Children were still abused back in the "good old days". Bad things still happened back in the "good old days" too – let's be honest. So the last thing under the sun that I want to be doing is suggesting that we somehow turn the clock back, so that things will be fine again – just like they were in the "good old days" - because we can't turn the clock back and even if we could, things weren't necessarily so grand back in the "good old days". And there is a reason for that because from the moment that Adam and Eve took their first bite of that "apple" from that one tree … the "one" tree in that beautiful, abundant, peaceful garden, of which God said, "Don't eat the fruit of that tree," from that moment there has been this thing in the world called "sin". Let's go to the story – Genesis chapter 3, beginning at verse 1 – if you have a Bible: Now the serpent was more crafty than any other wild animal that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God say, 'You shall not eat from any tree in the garden'?" The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden; but God said, 'You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the garden, nor shall you touch it, or you shall die.' But the serpent said to the woman, "You will not die; for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate; and she also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made loincloths for themselves. They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you?" He said, "I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself." God said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?" The man said, "The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit from the tree, and I ate." Then the Lord God said to the woman, "What is this that you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent tricked me, and I ate." Now, you see things have changed in this world. We live in a world where anything goes, right? Well, just about anything! Many a moral standard of yesteryear seems old fashioned and irrelevant and, to many, downright offensive. We are a whole bunch more relaxed about things these days, compared with the rigid old rules of the past century. So this notion of sin; this rebelling against God; this Adam and Eve thing, well, it seems like an outdated throwback from the 1950s. It feels, well, completely irrelevant in the enlightened age in which we live, doesn't it? And there are some things from the past, the way women were treated like chattels almost, for instance, that were terrible. Still happens in places around the world today. Or treating people differently because of their skin colour or their nationality. So many flaws and faults in these rigid rules from the past, to be sure and that … that's why the short, three letter word, "sin" is something of a four letter word these days – a dirty word, a nasty word, a word that implies moral judgement against the standards of the rigid and flawed rules of our childhood. But I'm not so much talking about that; about man-made rules. The thing … the thing that ushered pain and suffering into this world was our rebellion against God, starting with Adam and Eve in the garden. Read on to chapter 3 of that Book of Genesis and we find that there were some serious consequences to their actions, beyond what we just read. So whilst "sin" is a word that seems to carry, well, a lot of baggage around with it, it speaks of our rebellion against God and that word 'sin' as it's used in the Bible, means literally "to miss the mark; to miss the whole point; to miss out on your share". And that's the consequence of our rebellion against God. It's not this thing that there are a whole bunch of rigid religious rules that you and I have to follow in order to make it into heaven. That's not it at all. The point is that God is a God who loves us. He loves you, He loves me beyond anything we can imagine love to be. Writes the Apostle Paul to his friends, in Ephesians chapter 3, beginning at verse 18: I pray that you may have the power to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. He loves you so much, more than words can ever say – beyond understanding – and when we turn our backs on Him; when you and I decide to live our lives our way; when we adopt this "anything goes" attitude; when we decide we can eat the fruit off any tree, there are consequences. I mean these: eat too much of the wrong thing and it will ruin your health; work too hard for too long, without rest and it will ruin your life; play too hard; drink too hard, it will ruin your health and your relationships. Cause and effect! Come on! It's not rocket science – it's as plain as the nose on your face and mine. And with Adam and Eve, there was cause and effect – there are consequences. As much as we try and kid ourselves; as much as we try to tell ourselves that we can have anything and be anything and do anything – "It'll be okay" – we know it's a lie and we know there are always consequences. You and I, we've been duped into thinking that "sin" is some old fashioned, irrelevant, religious word from the past, when all along it's the greatest malady of our lives. When all along that rebellion is robbing us of the fruit of a good and healthy relationship with God; a God who loves us so much that He sent us His only Son that whoever believes in Him wouldn't perish but instead, would have eternal life.   Sowing and Reaping Now, this word "righteousness", well, it's not a word that we use so much these days, in common, day to day language. Self-righteousness maybe, is the only time that we really hear the word. So what is it, why does it matter and why does it produce a harvest? Well, it turns out that this whole "righteousness" thing is a matter of cause and effect. I guess we pretty much understand the word "right", telling right from wrong. At least, we think we do. If it's right, it's right; if it's wrong, it's wrong. Not so much black and white these days; lots of shades of grey there between what people consider to be right and wrong, particularly the wealthier nations and their peoples become, the more focused we become on ourselves rather than on other people around us, that line between right and wrong, well, it's a bit like the shifting sands. Nevertheless, I guess we all have a sense of right and wrong. But the word "righteousness" is something of a legal term – it has to do with the law and in the sense of God's righteousness, it has to do with God's law, which we find in the Old Testament. Best way I have found to understand it is in terms of our law today. Let's say someone does something wrong, whether it's a minor traffic infringement or a murder. Once we have done that and it's proven, we stand condemned by the law. By and large, so long as justice is done, we don't have a problem with that – we understand that we have to stop people from speeding their cars, right through to murdering other people. So, we do something wrong and as the saying goes, we find ourselves on "the wrong side of the law". And then there is a debt to be paid – whether it's a hundred dollar speeding fine or twenty five years in prison for murdering. The law demands justice. That justice acts both as a penalty and, hopefully, as a deterrent but it also gives society justice. If a loved one of ours is killed by a drunk driver, let's say, and that drunk driver is tried and convicted and given a fifty dollar fine, then we don't experience a sense of justice. On the other hand, if that drunk driver is locked up for some number of years - whilst that doesn't bring our loved one back - our sense of justice is satisfied. But here's the thing: once the penalty or the debt has been paid by the transgressor, whatever you and I may think of them, they are free because they now have a right standing according to the law. A murderer, after serving that term in prison, walks out of that gate a free man or a free woman with precisely the same standing according to the law that you and I have. They have served their time; they have paid their debt to society and they are now back on the right side of the law. In a legal sense, they stand justified and here it is; here's the word "righteousness" – they are back in a right standing with the law that makes them "righteousness". That's what righteousness means – to be in the right standing with the law. So, if we do something wrong, it causes us pain, let alone the pain it causes other people because we find ourselves on the wrong side of the law. Once we take our punishment and serve our dues, we are then righteous again in the eyes of the law. Cause and effect. And it's like that with our relationship with God and in life generally. And it's something that the Apostle Paul talks about with his friends at the church in Galatia, back in the First Century AD. Have a look with me at Galatians chapter 6, beginning at verse 7. He says this: Do not be deceived; God is not mocked, for you will reap whatever you sow. If you sow to your own flesh, you will reap corruption from the flesh; but if you sow to the Spirit, you will reap eternal life from the Spirit. So let us not grow weary in doing what is right, for we will reap at harvest-time, if we do not give up. In other words, stop kidding yourself; stop trying to get around God. Whatever you sow, you are going to reap. Cause and effect! Sow rubbish, you will reap rubbish; sow goodness, you will reap goodness. So even though things can be tough; even though sometimes if feels as though the world is against us; even though it feels sometimes that nothing … absolutely nothing is going our way – sow goodness; don't grow tired in doing that – sow goodness. Sow in God's direction; sow in God's way and just at the right time, you will reap a harvest; the harvest of righteousness. Sowing and reaping. Now there is more to this whole "righteousness" thing than what we do. There is some bad news about righteousness and some good news; great news; fantastic news and we are going to be checking those out next week on the programme. But right now I guess, in a world where the maxim of our day is that pretty much anything goes, I just felt today that we need to debunk that lie; it's a patent lie. "Do what feels good! Anything goes, it'll be fine!" No it won't, because there's cause and effect. Get drunk, hop in your car, knock over a pedestrian – there are consequences – cause and effect. "And as you sow, so shall you reap". Sow goodness and will reap the harvest; the abundant blessing of righteousness; the right standing with God – a God who loves us beyond anything that we can say in words – a God who wants to bless our socks off. The thing that I want to encourage you with today is this: that doing "good" doesn't always feel good. Let me say that again, it's important: doing "good" doesn't always feel good; loving the unlovable, turning the other cheek, putting others before ourselves. In fact, often it's tough and it hurts and we want to give up – it's all too hard. But we reap what we sow: that the universal, godly principle. As you sow, so shall you reap. So let us not grow weary in doing what is right for we will reap at harvest-time if we do not give up. And that harvest is the abundant harvest of righteousness – a blessing from God that is absolutely, beyond anything we can imagine right now.   The Wrath of God Now, in the coming weeks we are going to be talking quite a bit about the harvest that Paul is talking about and we have been talking about today – the harvest of righteousness. But today there is something else that we need to chat about first: it's the alternative to this wonderful harvest of righteousness. It's one hell of a subject, but if I didn't talk about it, then I wouldn't be doing my job. The word "wrath" appears through the Bible some 266 times and most of the times it is used, it's talking about the wrath of God. Now, I know that pretty much, we don't want to hear about God's anger and God's wrath towards those who have rebelled against Him. I know that and I know that first instincts are to reach for the dial and turn this guy off or change stations – I know that too. But I want to encourage you not to do that because this short bit about the wrath of God may be the most important thing that you will ever, ever hear. So stick with me, even though it feels a little bit uncomfortable right now. God is really, really clear about His impending wrath and that word "wrath" means this: anger which will manifest itself in the form of punishment. And He is also really clear about what things kindle His wrath. Come with me to Colossians chapter 3, beginning a verse 5: Put to death, therefore, whatever in you is earthly: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed (which is idolatry). On account of these the wrath of God is coming on those who are disobedient. These are the ways you also once followed, when you were living that life. But now you must get rid of all such things—anger, vengeance, malice, slander, and abusive language from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have stripped off the old self with its practices and have clothed yourselves with the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge according to the image of its creator. Here's the amazing thing: I used to think that God was just one big long list of religious rules – do this, don't do that. And to be sure, I grew up in a religious tradition that was very much rule based. But the more I read of what God has to say in His Word; the more I go to the source and find exactly what He has to say, the thing I discover is that there are actually very, very few things that God says to us, "Don't do." Very few! Look at the list that Paul gives us here: You must get rid of such things - anger, vengeance, malice, slander, and abusive language from your mouth. Do not lie to one another … There are a few others too but actually not many and they are all things that are blatantly wrong. And they are all things that obviously have painful consequences in our lives – right? Why is it we kid ourselves and say, "Well, you know, being a Christian is hard – all these things I'm not allowed to do and I'm not allowed to have any fun?" That's not what it says! The only things about which God says, "Don't do them", are the ones that are going to hurt us and hurt others. And – listen to this – if you and I persist in doing them, then eventually - even though God is slow to anger; even though He is merciful; even though He is a God of grace - eventually His wrath is going to fall on us. It's a simple message and it's a message I feel God wants us to hear today. Galatians chapter 5, beginning at verse 19: Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, anger, quarrels, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these. I am warning you, as I warned you before: those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. These are blindingly, glimpsingly obvious! Hello!! Do you get it? Keep doing these things in stiff necked opposition to what I am telling you and you will not inherit the Kingdom of God. It's that simple! And this alternative to the harvest of righteousness; this not inheriting the Kingdom of God is a frightening prospect because the alternative is living the rest of eternity in the wrath of God – God's anger and God's punishment. Listen to the contrast … the sharp, stark contrast between the eternities reserved for those who worship - in effect – the devil, or the beast, as he is called in this passage I am about to read to you, through their rebellion against God, verses those who worship God, through His Son, Jesus Christ. It's written in kind of picture language, so let God's Word paint for you the picture. Revelation chapter 14, verses 9 to 13: Then another angel, a third, followed them, crying with a loud voice, "Those who worship the beast and its image, and receive a mark on their foreheads or on their hands, they will also drink the wine of God's wrath, poured unmixed into the cup of his anger, and they will be tormented with fire and sulphur in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb. And the smoke of their torment goes up forever and ever. There is no rest day or night for those who worship the beast and its image and for anyone who receives the mark of its name." Here is a call for the endurance of the saints, those who keep the commandments of God and hold fast to the faith of Jesus. And I heard a voice from heaven saying, "Write this: Blessed are the dead who from now on die in the Lord." "Yes," says the Spirit, "they will rest from their labours, for their deeds will follow them." John Lennon in his famous song "Imagine" sang these words: Imagine there's no Heaven, It's easy if you try, No hell below us, above us only sky, Imagine all the people, living for today … Well, there are many people imagining that. There are many people living just for today. But one day … one day they will be greatly disappointed – Jesus made that abundantly clear: Matthew chapter 10, verse 28: Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Friend, God is a wonderful God, He has a fantastic plan for your life. It's a plan for us to live in His blessing from this point on and for all eternity. That's why He sent Jesus, His Son, to pay for our sin so that when we put our trust in Him, we can be forgiven and have this new life; this eternal life. But listen to me; please listen carefully: if we reject Jesus; if we reject God; if we reject the One whom He sent to suffer for you and me, that our sin would be paid for in full – if we reject Him, there is an alternative. That alternative is an eternal separation from God; it is an eternal torment. It goes on for ever and ever. I can't state it anymore plainly than that. I implore you, don't reject Jesus. God sent Him in His great love to save you and to save me.

Fall brings new rhythms, new opportunities, and a fuller calendar. But not every good opportunity is right for your family in this season.In this episode, Dr. Josh spends some time sharing how to wade through everything competing for your time, attention, and identity. He leaves us with one question: "Is your schedule helping your family live out of who God called you to be"? He helps you find clarity in your decisions, protect your marriage, connect with your kids, and build a schedule around what matters most.Here are some highlights: • Clarifying your family's yeses and nos• Protecting intimacy in your marriage• Getting on the same team with your spouse• Connecting with your kids in everyday moments• Protecting peace without missing what matters• Letting your values, not your calendar, set the pace• Abiding in Jesus to discern what belongs in this seasonTime Stamps: 00:00 Introduction2:30 Are Christian families much different than the rest of the world?4:15 Why this season requires clarity11:30 When successful leaders feel like their family gets the leftovers15:30 How family values bring clarity to your schedule20:00 Identifying the opponents to intimacy in your marriage25:30 Creating an “Us Against the World” attitude in your marriage30:30 Why we sometimes choose chaos over quiet33:00 “Let your yes be yes and your no be no”37:00 The ordinary moments that create extraordinary connection42:00 What your tongue reveals about your heart46:00 How to lead your family with peace and joyShow Notes: Looking for leadership coaching to be famous at home? https://www.famousathome.com/individualcoachingMen, sign up for the next Living Legacy Cohort:https://www.famousathome.com/menscoaching Looking for a marriage intensive with Famous at Home? Apply now.  https://www.famousathome.com/coaching Get a copy of the Famous at Home book: https://amzn.to/4cm9mRSFollow Josh on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/joshua.straub Follow Christi on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/christistraub Sign up for our email list and Famous at Home Starter Bundle: https://www.famousathome.com/newsletter Download NONAH's single Find My Way Home by clicking here: https://bellpartners.ffm.to/findmywayhome*Thank you to Bernhardt Watches for sponsoring this episode! Click here and be sure to use the code FAMOUS at checkout for $100 off your timepiece! https://www.bernhardtwatch.com/famous

The Invite, Olivia Wilde's comedy for A24, plays out almost entirely inside one San Francisco apartment, where a couple played by Wilde and Seth Rogen host an evening that goes sideways with visitors played by Penélope Cruz and Edward Norton. Adam Newport-Berra, ASC photographed it on 35mm, in story order, on a Los Angeles soundstage with a single day of exteriors in San Francisco. The brief he set himself was that one enclosed space should feel, in his words, like a landscape, and never like a set.The first plan was to light it practically, in the spirit of Husbands and Wives, and let the actors move in and out of shadow. A test with the cast said otherwise. Nobody liked the dailies, and Newport-Berra got some phone calls afterward. What replaced it was hard ceilings, because an open set lit from above reads as a set, with the light built into the ceilings. Key grip Adam Kolegas fabricated low-profile softboxes, tube fixtures wrapped in muslin and skirted, light enough to hang from putty knives slid into the stretch-canvas ceiling and quick enough to pop off in ten minutes when the camera needed to tilt up. Gaffer Len Levine ran them by remote. Doorway moldings that dropped a foot below the ceiling hid the boxes behind them, and six to eight more lights sat on the floor for nearly every setup. With production designer Jade Healy and costume designer Arianne Phillips, the walls, the wood, and the hosts' clothes were kept dark so the faces would carry the light; the visitors' wardrobe was made to stand apart from the room. Every shot in the film, he says, is very lit.There was no shot list on set. Newport-Berra wrote one for the whole film, in a Google Doc, and says he never looked at it once. Prep was a wall of two hundred reference frames, and each morning he walked the set before anyone else arrived, photographing angles on his iPhone with his crew standing in for the cast. Wilde, who stepped into the role of Angela after an actor dropped out, ran each scene with the cast, then handed it to a stand-in and watched from outside while she and Newport-Berra picked frames. The camera stayed on the dolly and mostly locked off; there is no handheld in the film. The tools were lens, height, and eyeline. Norton is held slightly low on a 35mm, almost heroic. Cruz moves on Steadicam on a longer lens. Rogen and Wilde are pinned flat against a wall with too much headroom. For the couple's first argument the rule was cat and mouse: never on the same level, never in the same frame, together only in mirrors and window glass, until the scene lands on a head-on two-shot. The last shot of the film, a move through the building's shaftway that Healy had designed the set around, went at four in the morning on the final night on stage.CREDITSAdam Newport-Berra, ASCInstagram · Website · IMDbJared Levy, hostInstagram · Website · IMDbDavid Kruta, producerInstagram · Website · IMDbTopher Hammond, producerInstagramMUSICOriginal music by One Wave.THE SALONEpisode page and full gallery: https://cinematographysalon.com/podcast/adam-newport-berra-asc-the-inviteNewsletter and events: cinematographysalon.comInstagram: @cinematographysalonPRESENTING SPONSORThis episode is made possible by Fujifilm — home of GFX ETERNA 55, the large format, IMAX®-Certified digital camera, and FUJINON cinema lenses. https://fujifilm-x.comSUPPORT THE SALONThe podcast, the writing, and both Resources tools are free. No paywall, no membership, no login. That is on purpose: learning to light a scene should not depend on what you can afford. Sponsors cover part of it and readers cover the rest. If you want to chip in, it starts at the price of a coffee a month at https://cinematographysalon.com/support. If your company wants to reach working cinematographers, get in touch at https://cinematographysalon.com/sponsors.

Does absence make the heart grow larger or smaller? Because USA Today did a story about how more women are opting in for solo trips while they leave the husbands behind.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Got some sh!t to say?In this ENCORE episode, Marko and Steve dive into the quirky world of relationship pet names, debating whether they're adorably affectionate or cringingly cliché. From "snuggle muffin" to "baby bear," they explore the emotional reactions these nicknames provoke—both positive and negative. The duo also examines whether using pet names actually deepens emotional intimacy or creates a barrier of artificial closeness. With humor and insight, they share personal stories and listener anecdotes, ultimately asking: Do pet names bring couples closer or just make others gag?-Articles:Brides.com | 44 Sweet, Romantic, and Quirky Couple NicknamesPreply | New Study Unveils the Most Popular Nicknames Used Among CouplesSupport the showSh!t | Leave us a voicemail with your relationship sh!tuation at (903) POD- SHIT.  That's (903) 763-7448.  You can also fill out a Listener Sh!tuation on our website, podrelationshit.com, or email us at relationshitquestions@gmail.com. Visit Us |www.podrelationshit.com for more Relationsh!t content and information about the podcast.Donate | Head over to patreon.com/podrelationshit and start donating today!  Your donations will give you early access to the podcast,  behind-the-scenes interviews with our weekly guests, and merchandise.Rate Us | Go to your favorite podcast directory and give Relationsh!t a 5-Star rating, and a fantastic review!Follow Us | Instagram and Facebook: @podrelationshit

Why Feeling Pressured for Sex Is a Turn-Off for WivesWhat if the very thing you're doing to get more sex is actually the thing making your spouse want less sex?This week on the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, Nick and Amy tackle a topic that can create a lot of frustration in marriage: why feeling pressured for sex can be such a major turn-off for wives.There's a big difference between feeling wanted and feeling expected. For many women, sexual desire is responsive which means it often grows out of emotional connection, affection, relaxation, safety, attraction and feeling close to their husband. You can't pressure someone into feeling desire.But pressure can create a painful cycle:He feels rejected → pursues harder → she feels pressured → she withdraws → he feels even more rejected → he pursues even harder.Both spouses end up hurting, and neither may realize they're stuck in a cycle.Nick and Amy discuss five ways husbands can unintentionally create pressure, including when every touch becomes sexual, reacting negatively to rejection, keeping score, constantly testing the waters, and making affection feel transactional.But this isn't a “blame the husband” episode.Husbands aren't wrong for wanting sex, wanting to feel desired, or initiating. Wives have responsibility too. Wives need to communicate what helps them feel connected and sexually open, recognize that physical intimacy can be an important way their husband experiences love and reassurance, and take ownership of their own sensuality and sexual relationship.The answer isn't for husbands to stop pursuing their wives.It's learning how to pursue without creating pressure.Give affection without strings attached. Respond well to “no.” Build connection throughout the day. Help carry the mental load because you're her partner—not as a transaction for sex. Create opportunities for intimacy without demanding a specific outcome.Ultimately, pressure doesn't create desire. Safety, connection, attraction, playfulness and invitation create an environment where desire can grow.And both spouses have an important role to play:Wives shouldn't expect husbands to stop wanting sex. Husbands shouldn't expect wives to want sex on command.The goal isn't for one spouse to win.The goal is to create a marriage where both spouses genuinely want to pursue each other.Tune in as Nick and Amy unpack this complicated dynamic, talk about what husbands and wives can each do differently, and explore how couples can break the pressure/rejection cycle and build a more mutually passionate marriage.

God is a God of order and He's created the family structure to function specifically to how He's created each individual. Husbands are to lead the family and lay down their lives as Jesus did, and wives are to submit to their own husbands. Children are to obey their parents because it'll be good and beneficial for them. All, however, are to first and foremost obey and submit to the Lord and that's when the best fruit gets produced in a home. Stop listening to the world and instead, take your advice from God's Word. "Mighty Fortress" by Sovereign Grace Music, used with permission.

The Call For Husbands To Die - Israel Solomon by Ebenezer Endiryas

A sexless marriage takes a toll on testosterone, sleep, and cardiovascular health in ways men already feel but never connect to the bedroom, and this episode breaks them all down. Paul Bauer covers the mental health toll of chronic rejection, the physical decline hiding in routine bloodwork, and how Get Her to F*ck You Again and its companion workbook give men the exact steps to rebuild attraction instead of guessing.VIDEOS TO WATCH NEXT:Watch this playlist to figure out how to fix your failing marriage: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEXcvFDdRqPuu_G8-sTLS7eXT7myvidMFWatch this playlist to help you get over your ex for good: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEXcvFDdRqPsZ9JCTSAIkin-oMnavqNJZWatch this playlist to develop an unshakable frame and take control of your life: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEXcvFDdRqPvgN8idHfGfOp3gA8Y0tMxT&si=NccZ6koKYz3hSuUz--------------------------------------------FREE EBOOKS➡️ She's Made You Weak: https://ebook.fixdeadbedrooms.com➡️ Fine... Here's How You Get Her Back: https://ebook.getoveryourex.us➡️ The 4 Magic $3X Positions: https://sexytime.fixdeadbedrooms.com--------------------------------------------BOOKS AND WORKBOOKS➡️ Find all of my books here: https://mybook.to/comeonmanpod➡️ Find all of my workbooks here: https://mybook.to/RPWorkbooks--------------------------------------------FOLLOW MEFollow on TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@comeonmanpodFollow on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/comeonmanpodcast/Follow on Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/comeonmanpodcastFollow on X - https://x.com/bestmenspodFollow on Gettr - https://gettr.com/user/comeonmanpodFollow on Truth - https://truthsocial.com/@comeonmanpodFollow on Substack - https://substack.com/@comeonmanpod--------------------------------------------COMMUNITIES➡️ Join The W.O.L.F. Pack: https://wolf.comeonmanpod.com/➡️ Become a Spotify Channel Subscriber: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/comeonman/subscribe--------------------------------------------

Our text today is 1 Peter 3:7: Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. — 1 Peter 3:7 Most husbands genuinely want to love their wives well. They may not always know how, but the desire is there. How do I lead without controlling? How do I love her in a way she actually experiences as love? Why does it sometimes feel like we're speaking different languages? Peter answers all those questions in one verse. And it's worth remembering who Peter is. This is the same Peter who often spoke before he thought. The same Peter who overpromised and underdelivered. The same Peter who denied Jesus and then experienced the restoring grace of Christ. Tradition tells us Peter was married and may have struggled with these same issues. Don't forget Jesus healed Peter's mother-in-law of a high fever. (Matthew 8:14-15; Mark 1:29-31; Luke 4:38-39) Peter isn't writing theory here about human relationships in marriage. He's writing wisdom shaped by failure, maturity, and grace. He says, "Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way." Literally, the phrase means: "According to knowledge." In other words, learn her. Study her. Pay attention to her. Just like you learned how to do your job. Just like you learned the rules of the sports you love. Just like you learned the hobbies and interests that matter to you. So husbands out there, have you learned her? Do you know what brings her joy? What discourages her? What causes her anxiety? What makes her feel safe, loved, and valued? Strong marriages aren't built on assumptions about your wife. They're built on understanding about her. Peter continues: "Showing honor to the woman..." Culture often teaches men to demand honor. Peter tells husbands to give it. Honor means treating someone as precious. It means listening before speaking. It means serving before being served. It means using your strength to build up rather than tear down. Then Peter adds a final exhortation that was revolutionary for his day: "Since they are heirs with you of the grace of life." In a world that often diminished women, Peter elevated them. Your wife is not spiritually inferior. She is your sister in Christ. You are her brother. She stands beside you before the throne of grace with the same Savior, the same inheritance, and the same eternal worth. Different roles. Different design. Equal value. Peter's reference to the "weaker vessel" isn't permission to exploit weakness or assert superiority. Most naturally, he is acknowledging physical vulnerability and the social realities women faced in the first century. His point is simple. Use your strength to protect. Use your strength to serve. Use your strength to honor. Then Peter ends with a sobering warning: "So that your prayers may not be hindered." How you treat your wife affects your fellowship with God. You cannot consistently dishonor the woman God has entrusted to you while expecting intimacy with Him. Strong men don't use their strength to get their way. They use it to serve. They listen before they speak. They honor before they demand honor. They protect instead of overpower. And they remember that the wife beside them is not beneath them. She is their sister in Christ, their partner in grace, and one of God's greatest gifts. Husbands, go listen to your wife today and look for some way to honor her, encourage her, and serve her before this day is over. DO THIS: Ask your wife one thoughtful question today and truly listen to her answer. Look for one practical way to honor, encourage, or serve her before the day is over. ASK THIS: How well do I really understand my wife? In what ways do I honor her with my words and actions? Is there anything in our relationship that may be hindering my fellowship with God? PRAY THIS: Father, thank You for the gift of marriage. Teach me to use my strength the way Christ used His—to serve, protect, and honor. Help me understand my wife more deeply and love her more faithfully. May my relationship with her reflect Your grace and bring You glory. Amen. PLAY THIS: "Goodness of God."

Studies in 1 Peter: 13 Submission in Marriage for Husbands - 1 Peter 3:7

We survived the Married at First Sight finale and reunion, where apologies were plentiful, good judgment was scarce, and somebody really should have packed her cat and left. Plus, RIP to Dolly Parton, and Kenya Moore has a brand-new face: unrecognizable, yes—but it's a good face. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Lou is here! And she's already made one friend and one enemy on the way in. Buckle up, in the first few minutes there are bad Welsh accents (sorry Elis) and promiscuous tales flying round the studio. Safe to say Dave is wishing he was still on holiday…Speaking of, John's been on his holidays and even swam in the sea, twice. Get in the sea, change your state - Lou's always said it. The colder the better. The wetter the better. Turns out, you can't worry when you're looking for little fish.Elsewhere, Lou is taking a stand in our all-new, all-precarious and all-very-delicately-dealt-with feature: Lou Sues Again. Plus, we've fired up the ol' Rapid Response Unit to hear directly from you the people about some of your longest relationships.Do you own a fire truck in Thanet and have your own private well? Get in touch with us at hello@elisandjohn.comFor lots of exclusive EJJR #content, join our Patreon at patreon.com/elisandjohnFor weekly visual highlights, head to youtube.com/@elisandjohnFor everything else, head to elisandjohn.comThe Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

New limited time Oreos, Husbands in Action, Castle in the Sky and more on We Are Adults? Show 

Brea and Mallory debate the rules of letting people borrow your books. Plus, they give advice on bloody library books, and recommend pre-historic fiction. Email us at readingglassespodcast at gmail dot com! Reading Glasses Merch Recommendations Store The Reading Glasses Book! Links - Reading Glasses Facebook Group Reading Glasses Goodreads Group Wish List Newsletter Libro.fm To join our Discord channel, email us proof of your Reading-Glasses-supporting Maximum Fun membership! Join us here!   Books Mentioned - Half His Age by Jennette McCurdyA Lady of Rooksgrave Manor by Kathryn Moon Shaman by Kim Stanley Robinson Ivory Carver series by Sue Harrison Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinglasses

Have you ever looked at some couples and just thought, what makes the difference...? Why do some husbands just... show up better? What if the women who have husbands who really try aren't actually luckier? After coaching thousands of couples, I have noticed something surprising: the wives of the most devoted, hardest-trying husbands tend to do 5 very specific things differently. In this episode, I break down these five skills that can change the culture of your marriage. And yes… one of them might make you raise an eyebrow or say "Hell No" the moment you hear it. These habits aren't about becoming smaller, more submissive, or doing everything for your husband. They're power moves. Because you don't have to wait for your husband to change before you start changing the culture of your marriage. You can be the one to go first.

Got some sh!t to say?In this ENCORE episode, Marko and Steve dive into the often-taboo topic of masturbation within committed relationships. They explore how self-pleasure can be a healthy, personal form of sexual expression, even when one has an available and willing partner. The conversation navigates questions like: Should your partner fulfill all your sexual needs? Or is it reasonable—and even beneficial—for individuals to maintain a solo sexual practice? They address common misconceptions, emotional impacts, and how open communication plays a key role in balancing intimacy with personal autonomy. To wrap things up, they tackle the week's Listener Sh!tuation, offering their thoughts and guidance on a real life dilemma from the audience.-Articles:Psych Central | Is It Typical to Masturbate When You're Married?Guy Stuff | Why Does My Husband Prefer His Hand Over Me?Support the showSh!t | Leave us a voicemail with your relationship sh!tuation at (903) POD- SHIT.  That's (903) 763-7448.  You can also fill out a Listener Sh!tuation on our website, podrelationshit.com, or email us at relationshitquestions@gmail.com. Visit Us |www.podrelationshit.com for more Relationsh!t content and information about the podcast.Donate | Head over to patreon.com/podrelationshit and start donating today!  Your donations will give you early access to the podcast,  behind-the-scenes interviews with our weekly guests, and merchandise.Rate Us | Go to your favorite podcast directory and give Relationsh!t a 5-Star rating, and a fantastic review!Follow Us | Instagram and Facebook: @podrelationshit

In today's r/AIO story, OP thinks their husband's friend crossed a line by following them to his parents' house. Now OP's questioning boundaries and whether this is as weird as it feels.0:00 Intro0:21 Story 13:26 Story 1 Comments / OP's Replies8:16 Story 1 Update9:41 Story 1 Comments / OP's Replies12:28 Story 214:53 Story 2 Comments15:54 Story 2 Update17:48 Story 2 Comments 19:57 Story 321:11 Story 3 Comments / OP's Replies23:30 Story 3 Update 125:39 Story 3 Update 2 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What if my wife isn't doing "her work"? What if my inner child doesn't feel safe with her? What if I feel like she is controlling me? How can I be assertive without being selfish? In this episode, you'll get answers to some of the toughest, most common questions men ask while trying to rebuild trust after sexual betrayal.Our guests today are James and Sam, co-hosts of the Ask The Unfaithful Podcast. Listen now at asktheunfaithful.comJames Annear is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC), Certified Professional Coach, Certified Clinical Partner Specialist - Supervisor (APSATS), Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) - Supervisor, and a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional. He and his wife, Sharon Rinearson, LCSW, own CORE Relationship Recovery and are known for their down to earth, practical and creative interventions and antidotes when it comes to helping couples heal from relational and sexual betrayals in relationships, as well as tackling developmentally damaging experiences in custom created intensives. Creating safe spaces for couples, unfaithful partners and betrayed partners to do work that can help free them from their old unhappy and unhealthy lives, James and Sharon use unique techniques based in neurobiology, addiction science, PTSD trauma techniques and their own methods of interpersonal therapies to create dramatic differences with their clients. Learn more at hopeforus.comFor over 15 years, Sam has been one of the leading content creators for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma's founding fathers, clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through Sam's Healing Podcast and Ask the Unfaithful, Samuel continues to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Learn more at samshealingpodcast.comSend us Fan MailTake the Husband Material Journey...Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTubeStep 2: Join the private Husband Material CommunityStep 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow PornStep 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material AcademyThanks for listening!

From Ghana, I get into Stephen A. Smith's very public beef with NABJ, and the latest foolishness on Married at First Sight. Plus, Black women are getting married and looking GOODT, and, Meghan and Harry may be heading back to the UK Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A man decides he is serious about his faith, and somewhere along the way that becomes the reason he stops trying. His work is sloppy, his day is unstructured, and his wife carries the house while he tells himself he is just not attached to worldly things. He is not being humble, he's using God as cover, and the men around him can see it even when he cannot. Today we sit down with JJ Sanford, a father of nine and the president of the University of Dallas, to talk about the excuse Catholic men keep reaching for. We discuss why magnanimity and humility are sister virtues rather than opposites, why St. Joseph was not spending his Saturdays on the couch while Our Lady did the work, what it means to live your whole day as a prayer instead of fencing your faith into a morning offering and a Sunday Mass, and why outsourcing your thinking to a machine leaves you unable to answer the one question that actually matters: what is God calling you to do with what He gave you. University of Dallas | https://udallas.edu/

A healthy marriage isn't sustained by feelings alone. Husbands and wives must know one another deeply. Today, R.C. Sproul reveals what it takes to develop a thriving marriage that honors the Lord. Request R.C. Sproul's teaching series The Intimate Marriage on DVD with your donation. You can also download all 6 messages as well as the study guide: https://gift.renewingyourmind.org/   Live outside the U.S. and Canada? Download the teaching series the digital study guide with your donation: https://www.renewingyourmind.org/global   Meet Today's Teacher:   R.C. Sproul (1939–2017) was founder of Ligonier Ministries, first minister of preaching and teaching at Saint Andrew's Chapel, first president of Reformation Bible College, and executive editor of Tabletalk magazine. Renewing Your Mind is a donor-supported outreach of Ligonier Ministries. Explore all of our podcasts: https://www.ligonier.org/podcasts

Got some sh!t to say?Marko and Steve dive into the complex world of cheating and explore how different people—and relationships—define it, in this ENCORE episode. Is following someone on social media a betrayal? What about innocent (or not-so-innocent) flirting at the bar? And where does kissing fall on the cheating spectrum? The guys unpack it all, sharing personal insights and challenging listeners to reflect on their own boundaries, expectations, and definitions of fidelity. There are no Listener Sh!tuations this week, but continue to send them for next season's episodes!-Articles:VeryWellMind | Why Do People in Relationships Cheat?Dive Thru | Coping with Infidelity: How to Heal After Being Cheated OnSupport the showSh!t | Leave us a voicemail with your relationship sh!tuation at (903) POD- SHIT.  That's (903) 763-7448.  You can also fill out a Listener Sh!tuation on our website, podrelationshit.com, or email us at relationshitquestions@gmail.com. Visit Us |www.podrelationshit.com for more Relationsh!t content and information about the podcast.Donate | Head over to patreon.com/podrelationshit and start donating today!  Your donations will give you early access to the podcast,  behind-the-scenes interviews with our weekly guests, and merchandise.Rate Us | Go to your favorite podcast directory and give Relationsh!t a 5-Star rating, and a fantastic review!Follow Us | Instagram and Facebook: @podrelationshit

Kris Armstrong and Brandon Smith took their marriage vows seriously. But after Brandon suffered a major brain injury, Kris made a decision that led to their unique blended family. Texans Kris and Brandon were high school sweethearts, but just a few years into their marriage, in 2008, Kris received a call to say that Brandon had been in a serious car crash and was in a coma. When he finally woke up, months later, it was clear he'd changed irrevocably. After experiencing a severe traumatic brain injury Brandon now needed 24-hour care, and Kris felt their relationship became one of patient and caregiver more than husband and wife. Kris wanted to look after Brandon but realised that the family they'd planned was now impossible, so she divorced him and applied to be his legal guardian instead. In 2014 she met James, then a single father, and the first thing she told him about was Brandon. Now, more than a decade later, they are a blended family, and Kris and James' young children love spending time with their "Uncle Brandon".Presenter: Jo Fidgen Producer: Emily NaylorLives Less Ordinary is a podcast from the BBC World Service that brings you the most incredible true stories from around the world. Each episode a guest shares their most dramatic, moving, personal story. Listen for unbelievable twists, mysteries uncovered, and inspiring journeys - spanning the entire human experience. Step into someone else's life and expect the unexpected. Got a story to tell? Send an email to liveslessordinary@bbc.co.uk or message us via WhatsApp: 0044 330 678 2784 You can read our privacy notice here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/5YD3hBqmw26B8WMHt6GkQxG/lives-less-ordinary-privacy-notice

SUBURBAKNIGHT: Act One Walter Knope is having a bad week. His antique store is bankrupt. The bank has locked him out. His house is now filled with everything he couldn't sell. His teenage daughter thinks he's embarrassing, his marriage has seen better days, and Walter is beginning to suspect middle age may just be a long series of humiliations ending in death. Then Richard Sarandon moves in across the street. Richard is rich, handsome, charming and spectacularly confident. The neighborhood women can't stop looking at him. The husbands barely notice. Walter notices everything. Especially the two body bags carried out of Richard's house in the middle of the night. Then Walter sees Richard do something no human being should be able to do. Written by Nick Bannister, SUBURBAKNIGHT is a wicked suburban horror-comedy about marriage, jealousy, masculinity and the nightmare of discovering that the impossibly perfect man next door may actually be a monster. Walter calls the police. They find nothing. Richard smiles. Walter looks insane. Then comes the neighborhood party. Pool. Booze. Barbecue. Husbands watching football. Wives watching Richard. With help from Andy, his beer-bellied neighbor and resident horror-movie expert, Walter finally puts a name to what moved in across the street. An incubus. A demon that seduces women and feeds on their life force. Now Richard knows Walter is onto him. Walter knows Richard wants Samantha. And the fight Walter thought was about his pride, his marriage and his rapidly collapsing life is about to become something much worse. Luckily, Walter's house is currently filled with swords, crossbows, armor and medieval weapons nobody wanted to buy. Maybe the antique business wasn't such a bad idea after all. Starring Darin Toonder, Jim O'Heir, Jade Tailor, Jack Daniel, Rob Fitzgerald, Logan Laurel, Emily Brolin, Ashley Platz, and Zeke Alton. Produced by Table Read Podcast and Manifest Media Productions, LLC. Executive Produced by Jack Levy, Shaan Sharma, and Mark Knell. Find The Show: Table Read Podcast See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On this episode of SIDEBAR PODCAST, hosts Leise Winny and Royce are back talking a lot of -ish (and yes, Leise's fiber gummy updates are back on the table). We're running through the wildest headlines of the week—from viral health myths to futuristic economic takes—before diving into deep, unfiltered conversations about relationship double standards, media narratives surrounding Black women, and how our personal red flags change as we get older.Air traffic controllers taking over gaming cultureThe official death of the pennyPlanned Parenthood's viral reality check on female ejaculation Elon Musk claims AI will take every job and make money obsolete by 2036 Skinnylicious beef reviewThe double standard in dating between Black men and Black womenIs Black women's empowerment dangerous, or should these conversations be kept private? (Breaking down takes from Whoopi, Oprah, Sheryl Lee Ralph, and Tracee Ellis Ross)The double standard: Why Black men dating out face accusations, while Black women dating out get told to "come back home" to a soft lifeThe rise of the Stay-at-Home Boyfriend among Gen ZRed flags we used to think were cute: How our standards, jobs, and dealbreakers evolve as we age

SUBURBAKNIGHT: Act One Walter Knope is having a bad week. His antique store is bankrupt. The bank has locked him out. His house is now filled with everything he couldn't sell. His teenage daughter thinks he's embarrassing, his marriage has seen better days, and Walter is beginning to suspect middle age may just be a long series of humiliations ending in death. Then Richard Sarandon moves in across the street. Richard is rich, handsome, charming and spectacularly confident. The neighborhood women can't stop looking at him. The husbands barely notice. Walter notices everything. Especially the two body bags carried out of Richard's house in the middle of the night. Then Walter sees Richard do something no human being should be able to do. Written by Nick Bannister, SUBURBAKNIGHT is a wicked suburban horror-comedy about marriage, jealousy, masculinity and the nightmare of discovering that the impossibly perfect man next door may actually be a monster. Walter calls the police. They find nothing. Richard smiles. Walter looks insane. Then comes the neighborhood party. Pool. Booze. Barbecue. Husbands watching football. Wives watching Richard. With help from Andy, his beer-bellied neighbor and resident horror-movie expert, Walter finally puts a name to what moved in across the street. An incubus. A demon that seduces women and feeds on their life force. Now Richard knows Walter is onto him. Walter knows Richard wants Samantha. And the fight Walter thought was about his pride, his marriage and his rapidly collapsing life is about to become something much worse. Luckily, Walter's house is currently filled with swords, crossbows, armor and medieval weapons nobody wanted to buy. Maybe the antique business wasn't such a bad idea after all. Starring Darin Toonder, Jim O'Heir, Jade Tailor, Jack Daniel, Rob Fitzgerald, Logan Laurel, Emily Brolin, Ashley Platz, and Zeke Alton. Produced by Table Read Podcast and Manifest Media Productions, LLC. Executive Produced by Jack Levy, Shaan Sharma, and Mark Knell. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Job 2:7–13 Job's wife and friends magnified his suffering with unwise advice and accusations. In this message, Pastor Chuck Swindoll gives wisdom for husbands and offers five observations for true friends from Job 2. Husbands, imitate Job's healthy response to his wife's grief and bitterness. Discover how to exhibit true friendship to those you love in seasons of suffering.

Job 2:7–13 Job's wife and friends magnified his suffering with unwise advice and accusations. In this message, Pastor Chuck Swindoll gives wisdom for husbands and offers five observations for true friends from Job 2. Husbands, imitate Job's healthy response to his wife's grief and bitterness. Discover how to exhibit true friendship to those you love in seasons of suffering.