Podcasts about sex addiction

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreLet's check that we are on the same page as we have a discussion about 'Values'. I am speaking about such things as being able to be Creative, have Integrity, Fitness, Security, Faith, Self Confidence, Wealth, Winning, Honesty and many more.In the cool light of day, we would never purposely/consciously/intentionally trash our Values. They are a part of us and how we do life, want to do life and choose to do life on planet earth.Our Values define us; define who we are; represent who we are; shape who we are. How dare you invite me to just flippantly get rid of one of my Values; destruct, destroy - trash my Values. Why on earth would anyone do that?So, my question is - when Sex/Porn addiction triggers arise and you 'Act out', is the fact of Acting out, an indication that you have just Trashed all of you Values?Can you see patterns of activities and behaviours which show you undermining those dearly held Values, which in other situations, you would and could never undermine or trash your Values. Look how you undermine and trash your Values when emotions - such as conflict with a partner - gets the better of you; also when 'Acting out' beckons. Neural Pathway repetitive hamster wheel patterns of behaviours (from past learned and even inherited scripts from family) may be at work repeatedly, but you did not notice, analyse or give credence to what you were doing? You were actually trashing and undermining your strongly held Values.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior,Support the show

Pastor Brian is joined by Mike Genung of Blazing Grace ministries to discuss pornography and sex addiction and the church.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIt is worth listening again to the first part of this topic (in a recent past episode) - entitled: Sex Addict - "I am not a Passive-Aggressive by my behaviours!" - This is a continuation of that topic talking about Core Emotional Needs. This is part 2 of how Passive-Aggressive behaviours can show up - as a way of trying to get Core Emotional Needs met.Do you know what are your top 3 most important Core Emotional Needs? Do you FIGHT like this? Do you FLIGHT like this? Do you Freeze like this? - but it is all about repeatedly practised behaviours as a attempt to get depleted Core Emotional Needs met. Some of them are: Approval, Acceptance, Support, Security, Comfort, Respect - amongst others.When Core motional Needs are depleted and at reserve levels, as human beings, we will do one of three things to try to get them met, since they are not negotiable. Critical levels will see us doing Fight, Flight and/or Freeze. Which one of those three do you think that you predominantly use? It may not actually be the obvious one that you first think you do. Listen to the two parts of this podcast and the examples of fight, flight , freeze which I demonstrate.Over 90% of the couples in conflict that we see in The Kairos Centre, have, at the root of their conflict - fight, flight, freeze - as they try to get their Core Emotional Needs met. Often, it will take the form of Passive-Aggressive behaviours. (This is a big deal which needs to be understood well).Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior,Support the show

In this episode (335), we respond to a courageous submission from a betrayed partner who is navigating early recovery with her partner after multiple discovery days. Both partners have trauma histories, both are in individual therapy, and both are trying to understand what healthy sexual intimacy can look like after porn addiction, betrayal trauma, and past sexual coping patterns. Her questions center on lingerie, fantasies, kinks, dressing up, and whether these elements can ever be part of authentic intimacy—or whether they inevitably feed the pornified parts of the brain. We honor the depth and maturity of her questions because this is one of the most complex areas couples face in recovery.We emphasize that healthy sexuality cannot be reduced to a simple list of approved or forbidden behaviors. Lingerie, fantasy, experimentation, or sexual play may feel empowering and connecting for one couple, while feeling objectifying, unsafe, or triggering for another. The real questions are about intention, impact, consent, safety, presence, and whether each partner feels seen as a whole person. For the addict in recovery, this means asking whether he is truly present with his partner or superimposing old fantasy templates onto her. For the betrayed partner, it means asking whether she is freely choosing sexual expression or performing out of fear, people-pleasing, comparison, or the need to feel desirable and enough.We also discuss the role of a sex fast as a potentially powerful tool in recovery when it is done with transparency, structure, purpose, and ideally professional guidance. Taking sex off the table for a season can help reduce compulsive dependence on sex, create safety for the betrayed partner, and allow the couple to build other areas of intimacy that may have been neglected. But we caution that a sex fast should not become avoidance, silence, or emotional distancing. In the end, the goal is not to create a fear-based sexual relationship or to let pornography continue defining the bedroom. The goal is for the couple to consciously create a sexual relationship based on being rather than performing—where both partners are safe, present, authentic, fully seen, and deeply connected.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  Healthy Sexuality or Pornified Performance? Navigating Lingerie, Fantasies, Kinks, etc., and Authentic Intimacy in RecoveryLearn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Elizabeth is joined by Gallo to talk about his sex addiction.Support Talking Shit About...MERCH SALE: 20% OFF EVERYTHING JUNE 1-9

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreGrab your popcorn, peanuts and a drink, this is a long episode. It is a bonus episode, bringing it all together in one episode.I was interviewed by Seen&heard (an organisation supporting those traumatised by boarding school attendance) - for whom I am one of their Directory of experienced Therapists working with those different Traumas.In this very personal and up close interview of me and my journey through childhood, adulthood and life, I look at various issues, including Insecure Attachment and its significant impact on me; transitioning from being the Solicitor, career changing to become the Therapist; title 't' Traumas & big 'T' Traumas.Intergenerational scripts from past family which adversely impacts us and sets up subsequent family members towards a trajectory; training to counsel Singles, Couples, Partners, Marrieds; me becoming a Psychosexual/Sex Therapist; then a specialist trained Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Therapist - where each of those Addictions are quite distinct from each other; specialist support for impacted partners - separate from the Addict - (particularly female partners traumatised by learning about the Sex/Porn/Love Addiction); Co-addictions and what is waiting in the wings when you try to get rid of Porn or Sex Addiction.Eye Movement Desensitisation Repossessing (EMDR); SHAME+ NARCISSISM = SEX/PORN ADDICTION; need for a 12 Steps Support Group; need to Diagnose the childhood development issues first - before a Recovery Programme; my Diagnostic sessions & the world's first Video-on-Demand (pre-recorded videos with workbooks) Recovery Programme; what is 'Love Addiction'.It is not weakness to need help from others at some point in our lives; it may be counselling for mental health issues. Compulsions get passed on to the next generation - the children; becoming sensitised to partner's body; Therapy with The Kairos Centre is about moving as much insights from the Unconscious into the Conscious.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior,Support the show

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreWhat is passive-aggressive behaviour? Do you fight like this? Passive-aggressive behaviour is when you express negative feelings indirectly instead of openly talking about them. It is a defence used to protect self. It might stem from early experiences and has become a way to protect self. It might also include feelings of rejection, fear, mistrust, insecurity and/or low self-esteem. It is often vindictive and a way of doing "fight' with someone.It is a way of expressing negative feelings, rather than talking openly about the issue which as caused upset. It is a way to communicate anger and other forms of distress, without openly acknowledging the emotions. It might take the form of action or inaction. An example might be, the person who attends an event (unwillingly), then is rude or hostile. Alternatively, it might be that they avoid the event and give a partner the “silent treatment.” That is overt aggression, adopted as a communication style, as revenge for an upset caused to them.Someone who uses passive aggression may feel angry, resentful, or frustrated, but they act neutral, pleasant, or even cheerful. They then find indirect ways to show how they really feel. They might say one thing, but do something quite contrary. They may do the thing they do not want to do and brood and complain whilst doing it.They might do something that seems kind (on the surface), but is opposite to the other person's expectation and preference. For example, someone who knows you are trying to lose weight, purposely buys a large sugary birthday cake for you.Passive aggression is a common coping mechanism that many people use from time to time, especially when they want to avoid direct conflict. People who engage in passive aggression may feel just as aggressive or hostile as those who adopt more overt forms of aggression.Anger, frustration, and displeasure are normal emotions. People who rely on passive aggression rather than direct communication to show these emotions often grew up in a family where that behaviour was common. It might not have felt safe for them to directly express their feelings as a child.Passive aggressive behaviour takes many forms but can generally be described as a non-verbal aggression that manifests in negative behavior - like these other examples:Limit/curtail communication: when clearly there is a problematic issue presentAvoiding/Ignoring/evading: because anger won't allow you to address the issue calmly Procrastinating: intentionally putting off something and knowing it will adversely affect the other person(s)Obstructing/deliberately stalling/preventing somethingAvoiding situations: where competition might show you in an unfavourable lightAmbiguity/cryptic/unclear: not fully engagingSulking/silent treatment/sullen/dogmatic: in order to get attention or sympathy.Purposely late: knowing that will offendThwarting/frustrating someone expectation: to be 'bloodyminded'Purposely forgetting key matters: to show a blatant disregard and disrespect Limiting/withholding/avoiding Intimacy: known to be liked by the other personMaking Excuses/coming up with reasons: for not doing thingsVictim role: so as to avoid taking responsibility for own roleGet some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior,Support the show

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreLet's talk about how well you really know yourself. Remember that the addiction behaviours are all about self-soothing to manage emotions; a time of escape from life's issues for a while. It means that many other life skills for managing emotions such as stress, pressure, anxiety, upset and other normal emotions, may never have been learned in childhood, because the addiction behaviours became the 'go-to' drug of choice.Core Emotional NeedsWhich are your top 3 Core Emotional Needs? Is it Acceptance, Affection, Appreciation, Approval, Attention, Comfort, Encouragement, Respect, Security or Support? Be aware of your top 10 Core Emotional Needs, but even more importantly, be very sure that you know your top 3 core emotional needs. The very fact that we are human, means that we have these 10 core emotional needs, which have to be met. When life and circumstances do not keep these needs topped up and some dwindle beyond our critical level, then we will react, often unconsciously. Fight or flight will soon demand attention when our core emotional needs are not being met. Fight can take the form of creating conflicts, but not being aware that we are being more contentious than usual! Flight means that we move away from a situation, into a place where we think our needs will be better met. That can take the form of longer hours at work because work or the people in the work place bring a form of comfort. They are danger zones unless we begin to read the signs. Our partner plays a part in meeting our Core Emotional Needs, but they are not responsible. They cannot meet all of those needs. All of the systems within which we interact (such as work, home life, social, sports etc) play a part in meeting those needs, not one person only. In the survey to determine the top 10 Core Emotional Needs, most women can identify with the need for Security within their top 3. Most men chose Respect. Couples do an Exercise with me to identify their top 3 most important Core Emotional Needs.When you have ranked your top 3, try ranking your partner's top 3. Then have a discussion. What you do not know, then you cannot affect or do much about. What you know about and can see, then you can affect for good – or chose not to – but you now have choice! Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, Support the show

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In this episode (#333), we address a question from a betrayed partner who is about three years into sex addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing with her partner. Although he has been sober, involved in 12-step recovery, working with a sponsor, and the couple has gone through formal therapeutic disclosure, she still experiences intrusive mental images connected to his past acting out. We explain that these images are not evidence that she is failing in her healing. They are trauma responses. The early season of discovery, trickle-truth, searching for evidence, finding secret accounts and online ads, and trying to piece together reality created a chain of traumatic events that the nervous system may continue to store as danger.We discuss how intrusive thoughts can feel “random,” even when they are not. A betrayed partner may be triggered not only by obvious reminders of the betrayal, but also by subtle cues such as a tone of voice, silence, emotional distance, stress, fatigue, or even positive closeness. The body can remember danger before the conscious mind understands why. Because of this, healing includes learning to distinguish the past from the present through grounding tools, breath work, somatic calming, the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, journaling, orienting to current safety, and sometimes trauma-focused professional help such as EMDR, brainspotting, somatic therapy, or work with a CSAT or partner trauma specialist. The goal is not to erase memory, but to reduce the intensity, frequency, and dominance of the trauma response.We also emphasize that the addict in recovery can play a powerful role in helping rebuild present-day safety. When his partner is triggered, his job is not to collapse into shame, become defensive, or demand that she “move on.” Instead, he can stand shoulder to shoulder with her against the trauma, respond with genuine curiosity, validate the pain his actions caused, and use the language of safety: “I can see something is coming up for you. What do you need from me right now?” Proactive transparency, consistent check-ins, emotional vulnerability, and accountability help reduce the partner's need for hypervigilance. Ultimately, the measure of healing is not whether intrusive images never appear again, but whether they become less intense, less frequent, easier to recover from, and less able to rob the partner of peace in the present.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  Why Do Intrusive Mental Images Still Hit Me—Even Years Into His Recovery?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre“I'm the author of my own life story.Unfortunately, I'm writing in pen and I can't erase my mistakes but my future will be better than my past.”  - Mr MeetTherapy with The Kairos Centre is all about helping you to better understand you. Helping to move as much of life's issues from the unconscious, from the unseen, from the invisible, into the conscious, into the seen, into the visible. That which you cannot seen, you have no hope of changing. Change begins when you can see some things. Therefore, it is useful to understand that Therapy with The Kairos Centre involves working with the unconscious, the unseen, the invisible.Here are the 3 Stages that is involved in every 50 minutes Therapy session - called The Egan 3 Stages:STAGE 1: EXPLORING - which is what takes place during each Therapy session, as we jump into the sand pit together in a curiosity way (not criticism), in order to see what we can find and move it into the consciousness, into the seen, into the visible. STAGE 2: REFLECTING (in order to gain INSIGHT & UNDERSTANDING) - This stage belongs entirely to you. It is all about what you do with the matters which we explored together in the session, so that you chew on them, you think about them, you reflect on them outside of the session. Since, as you do so, you gain insight and greater understanding. You use a highlighter pen to make issues visible. They can never be invisible again, even if you do not move to stage 3. You can now see some things that belong to you - based upon what we explored in stage 1.STAGE 3: ACTION/CHANGE - based upon the new insights & understanding gained, the question in front of you is - 'What ACTION/CHANGE do you what to set about implementing (or not)'. The choice belongs entirely to you and once made, The Kairos Centre continues to be alongside you to help you with the change process which you have decided upon. (You are not alone).Another useful tool to help you recognise blind spots, is 'Johari's window'. Here is a Youtube link with an explanation about it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7rlCgy6i88Knowledge is power and so in all your getting, get understanding. That is the beginning of wisdom. Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Bringing colour back to life - without Shame.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, Support the show

Hi there readers! Ready to hear James Dobson talk about the birds and the bees? No? Too bad, that's what today's episode is. Jake and Brooke (and very special guest Josh Boerman from The Worst of All Possible Worlds) to talk about the next two videos in Dobson's classic "Focus on the Family" film series. And if I put what the conversation is about, I will ruin all SEO opportunities so you'll have to listen and find out what happens!Check out Josh's work:https://joshboerman.comhttps://www.patreon.com/cw/WorstOfAllhttps://illconceivedpodcast.comCheck out our Patreon!patreon.com/ihatejamesdobsonReferences:Kerner, I. (8 December 2016). Press Release on Sex Addiction. American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. https://www.aasect.org/sites/default/files/AASECT_Press_Release_on_Sex_Addiction.pdfn.a. (n.d.) AASECT Position on Sex Addiction. American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. https://www.aasect.org/position-sex-addictionMusic from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):https://uppbeat.io/t/mood-maze/trendsetterLicense code: 9OT2MTBHWWSRZP5S Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThe Law of Sustainment refers to the principle that your ability to maintain progress towards your goals is closely tied to your self-image and identity. If your inner beliefs do not align with your aspirations, it can lead to inconsistency and failure to achieve lasting change.Put slightly differently: It says 'If you see yourself in a certain way, you'll find it hard to sustain lasting change'.Can you identify with anything in this poem?The world's finest Apple  A poem by Julian R. Smith"You must learn that you cannot be loved by all people You can be the finest apple in the world - ripe, juicy, sweet, succulent - and offer yourself to all. But you must remember that there will be people who do not like apples.  You must understand that if you are the world's finest apple, and someone you love does not like apples, you have the choice of becoming a banana. But you must be warned that if you choose to become a banana you will be a second-rate banana. But you can always be the finest apple.  You must also realise that if you choose to be a second-rate banana. There will be people who do not like bananas. Furthermore, You can spend your life trying to become the best banana - which is impossible if you are an apple - or you can seek again to be the finest apple".What is clear is that somewhere in the past, something happened - usually in the childhood development period. You now find yourself trying to please people - to fit in and be accepted. You try to present a version of you to the people in the 'system' you are currently interacting in, in order to be accepted.If that means changing from being an Apple, to a Banana, then so be it. Being accepted in that grouping is the most important factor. Therefore you constantly metamorphorise in order to please and be accepted.The problem: You never identified and evolved into being the real authentic you or you lost the real authentic you.So - 'standup the real authentic you' - becomes futile because the real authentic you is not known. 'Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all' - will get the response - 'Well it's all those others, isn't it!'The Russian doll image best illustrates the protected Inner child deep inside the layers - being protected from the hostile world.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teensSupport the show

In this latest episode on Conversations on Sex Addiction and Relationships, the team dives into a tough but essential question: Why do addicts lie and are they even aware they're doing it?   Tim Stein, Dan Drake, and Wendy Conquest, unpack how lying often starts as an early survival strategy rooted in trauma, where being fully authentic didn't feel safe. Over time, this evolves into patterns of denial, omission, and “motivated reasoning,” where the brain unconsciously twists reality to avoid discomfort, conflict, or shame. The hosts explore why even small lies can deeply damage trust, how ongoing dishonesty erodes relationships more than the truth itself, and what it actually takes to rebuild honesty in recovery. If you've ever struggled to understand dishonesty in addiction or felt the impact of it in a relationship, this episode offers real insight and clarity.   Listen or watch the full episode on Conversations Podcast, and don't forget to follow and share to help others find these conversations.

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIn this episode, let's say it all in poetry.My Brain And Heart Divorced – John RoedelMy brain and heart divorced a decade ago over who was to blame about how big of a mess I have become eventually, they couldn't be in the same room with each othernow my head and heart share custody of meI stay with my brain during the weekand my heart gets me on weekendsthey never speak to one another– instead, they give me the same note to pass to each other every weekand their notes they send to one another always says the same thing:“This is all your fault”on Sundays my heart complains about how my head has let me downin the pastand on Wednesday my head lists all of the times my heart has screwed things up for me in the futurethey blame each other for the state of my lifethere's been a lot of yelling – and crying so,lately, I've been spending a lot of time with my gutwho serves as my unofficial therapistmost nights, I sneak out of the window in my ribcageand slide down my spine and collapse on my gut's plush leather chairthat's always open for me~ and I just sit sit sit sit until the sun comes uplast evening, my gut asked me if I was having a hard time being caught between my heart and my headI noddedI said I didn't know if I could live with either of them anymore“my heart is always sad about something that happened yesterdaywhile my head is always worried about something that may happen tomorrow,”I lamentedmy gut squeezed my hand“I just can't live with my mistakes of the past or my anxiety about the future,”I sighedmy gut smiled and said:“in that case, you should go stay with your lungs for a while,”I was confused– the look on my face gave it away“if you are exhausted about your heart's obsession with the fixed past and your mind's focus on the uncertain futureyour lungs are the perfect place for youthere is no yesterday in your lungs there is no tomorrow there eitherthere is only nowthere is only inhalethere is only exhalethere is only this momentthere is only breathand in that breath you can rest while your heart and head worktheir relationship out.”this morning, while my brain was busy reading tea leavesand while my heart was staringat old photographs I packed a little bag and walked to the door ofmy lungsbefore I could even knock she opened the door with a smile and asa gust of air embraced me she said“what took you so long?”~ John Roedel -----"It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem." — G.K. Chesterton.-----"To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it." — G.K. Chesterton-----"It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem." — G.K. Chesterton-----"Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility" — Dietrich Bonhoeffer-----“It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply arrangedThe only difficulty was, that she had not the smallest idea how to set about it....” (Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll)Get some help from The Kairos Centre. Support the show

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreMany people think that pornography consumption is harmless. Studies, however, have proven that regular consumption can have a negative impact on the brain. Prolonged exposure can alter brain structures, brain functioning and therefore, behaviour patterns. (A Recovery Programme is all about rewiring the brain).Frequency of use, existing or prior mental health conditions, age of exposure and the type of pornographic content, are important factors. Porn impacts a developing brain differently than a mature brain. Such matters as violent porn are factors that does a different type of impact. Changes in the reward centre, cognitive functioning and emotional regulation are key areas of interest in neuropsychology.The Pleasure and Reward Centre: The brain's primary reward neurotransmitter is Dopamine and it is released during pleasure activities whenever you experience pleasure. Repeated release of dopamine over time, alters the reward centre of the brain. You will find that over time, you desire more stimulus to achieve the same result. Regular use of porn causes highs and lows and the brain starts to create new patterns that drive a person to continue watching porn. It remembers the reward.Cognitive Function: Individuals who suffer from compulsive use of porn, often struggle with cognitive functioning. There may be impaired decision-making, but they do not know it. For example, going after the immediate short-term gain, despite the much bigger potential consequences which is all so apparent and a seemingly illogical decision to take such risks. There may be cognitive blind spots where you cannot so readily disurn the negative consequences of the behaviour; instead, going for immediate gratification - rather than delayed gratification; even trashing own personal values, moral codes and ethics.Emotional Regulation: The difficulty regulating emotions will show up in constantly reaching out for the quick fix of porn viewing, Sex or Love Addiction behaviours, to regular emotions; thereby, reinforcing the well grooved out neural pathway pairing which has taken place. Remember that the Frontal/Pre-cortex/logical reasoning decision-making part of the brain has gone offline during the 'Acting out'. Major bridge-burning decisions are being taken in the Limbic area of the brain. 'I feel, so I do'. When the behaviours are brought to an end and the Pre-Cortex comes back online - hearing you ask it the question - "What a waste of time. Why did I just do that?". It's reply will be - "Why are you asking us. We were offline at the time!"Neurological Impact of Porn Addiction: Neuropsychology and neuroscience are the fields which feed us the explanations about these dynamics, which explores how the brain and nervous system shape behaviour and cognition. MRI Scans have demonstrated the potency of the generated Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin mix effect on the brain - as a similar impact to illegal drugs. I might be somewhat provocative with my clients (forewarning them beforehand!) - that they are in fact 'drug addicts'. They are not addicted to illegal street drugs, but have become addicted to the potent neurochemical (self-manufactured chemicals) in the body, generated from the sex and porn behaviours.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpKey words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sexSupport the show

What counts as an emotional affair? In this episode of Conversations on Sex Addiction and Relationships, Wendy Conquest, Tim Stein, Jeanne Vattuone, and Dan Drake unpack emotional affairs. How they begin, and why they can be deeply painful even without physical cheating. The conversation will look at how emotional affairs can blur lines through texting, personal disclosure, and unmet emotional needs, especially when someone starts turning outside their primary relationship for support or intimacy. If you're wondering whether a connection has crossed the line, this episode offers practical insight into emotional infidelity, trust, and how to respond with honesty and accountability. Listen now on all podcast platforms and subscribe for new episodes.

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreThe antidote to Narcissism is Empathy. (Sympathy and Empathy are very different). Narcissism and Empathy cannot co-exist at high levels together in the same person. (Both cannot be seen being used at high levels in the same person). There will always be a high level of one and a low level of the other. Make sure Empathy is the one that is practised at a high level, in how you do life. (You will need some help to do change to achieve it!)This second definition of NARCISSISM which I use is rather academic and wordy, but it works for some clients:"Narcissism is a psychological disorder associated with grandiosity, a need for admiration and a lack of empathy. Narcissistic traits tend to run on a continuum. A higher psychologically functioning narcissist is often successful and charming but may have intimacy problems in relationships. A person who has a more severe form of narcissism may appear nearly delusional with their grandiosity and may act out destructively when they feel criticized. Narcissistic behavior involves much idealization and devaluation. Characteristics involve grandiosity, entitlement, lack of empathy, idealization of self and devaluation of others.Narcissistic damage occurs when a child's vulnerable and developing core sense of self is not seen and reflected back by the adults around him/her. Each child is born a unique individual with special gifts and personal challenges, multi-layered and both simple and complex. For any one layer to develop, that part of the child needs to be seen, heard, understood and valued. Parents have to be present to be mirrors—to bear witness and reflect back. Healthy, grounded parents help young people build a frame of reference for living. When a parent's own woundedness and unmet needs override their ability to be present to a child or a parent's undeveloped parts of self render them unable to respond to a child's vulnerable and authentic needs, the child's core sense of self can be lost, fragmented or undeveloped. The loss, fragmentation and lack of development of the core sense of self is the root of the narcissistic wound. Raw, broken, undeveloped and lost, we enter a cold cruel world ill-equipped to relate, define fulfilment from the inside out and connect with the spirit of life. When our primal wiring meets the world we live in today characterized by disconnection at personal, family and social levels, we experience a helplessness and aloneness that is beyond what we are biologically prepared to embrace. Narcissistic wounding is sometimes referred to as the emptiness wound".Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, Support the show

This week we have questions from a writer who shares the drama of two friends flirting with one another, another writer with a hypothetical dilemma of a therapist whose client is their boyfriends worst enemy, and finally a writer who wonders if they meet the criteria for sex addiction. Check out Nick's "Fitness Challenge": https://www.mentalfitpersonaltraining.com/podtherapy Join our patreon!Listen ad-free, get the show a day early and enjoy the pre-show hang out on the same app you're using RIGHT NOW at www.Patreon.com/Therapy where you can also access our vast library of deep dives, interviews, skill shares, reviews and rants as well as our live discord chat!If you are an Apple user please rate us!If you are a Spotify user, please rate us!Submit a question to the show!Help us reach #1 on Goodpods!Interested in Nick's mental health approach to fitness? Check out www.MentalFitPersonalTraining.comCheck out Dr. Jim's book "Dadvice: 50 Fatherly Life Lessons" at www.DadviceBook.comGrab some swag at our store, www.PodTherapyBaitShop.comPlay Jim's Neurotic Bingo at home while you listen to the show, or don't, I'm not your supervisor.Submit questions to:www.PodTherapy.netPodTherapyGuys@gmail.comFollow us on Social Media:FacebookInstagramTwitterResources:Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255.Veterans Crisis Line - 1-800-273-8255.Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline - (1-800-662-HELP (4357)OK2Talk Helpline Teen Helpline - 1 (800) 273-TALKU.S. Mental Health Resources Hotline - 211

Sex addiction is real, but most people don't actually understand what it is. This week, Liat sits down with renowned therapist and author Dr. Rob Weiss (Seeking Integrity, Sex Addiction 101) to break down compulsive sexual behavior and why it's now recognized as CSBD.They unpack the signs, the stigma, the role of shame, and what real intimacy actually looks like. Plus, why the conversation has changed from “this isn't real” to “how can we help people with this issue.”Connect with Dr. Rob:WebsiteYoutubeTikTokFacebookInstagramLinkedInSex, Love and Addiction PodcastSex and Relationship Healing Podcast Behavior Concepts Covered:MOAntecedentDeterminismCMO-SConnect with Behavior Bitches:• Instagram: @behaviorbitches• Facebook: Behavior Bitches Podcast• Youtube: Behavior Bitches Podcast• Website: BehaviorBitches.com• Contact Us: For podcast inquiries, episode ideas, or just to say hi, email us at behaviorbitches@studynotesaba.comLeave us a 5-star review on Spotify or in the Apple Podcast App and make us super happy!Looking for BCBA Exam Prep, CEUs, or a BCBA Job?• Whether you need help passing the BCBA exam, are looking to earn CEUs, or want to find your perfect career match, Study Notes ABA has you covered. Check out our website for comprehensive exam prep materials, CEUs, job matching and more.• Test Prep: StudyNotesABA.com• CEUs: CEU.StudyNotesABA.com• PairABA: PairABA.co

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreHere is my mathematical formula - as we look at Narcissism:SHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX, PORN, LOVE ADDICTIONI am not saying that those with Sex, Porn, Love Addiction are Narcissists. (Some may have NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)). What I am saying is that all of my clients with Sex, Porn, Love Addiction, have traits which come out of NPD.Most of my clients will initially reject the suggestion that they have such traits - (me, myself & I focus) - until I explain the definition. Here is one of the definitions of Narcissism which I use. (In a past episode, I gave you the shorter simplified definition). This one is the longer, much more academic version:"Narcissism is a psychological disorder associated with grandiosity, a need for admiration and a lack of empathy. Narcissistic traits tend to run on a continuum. A higher psychologically functioning narcissist is often successful and charming but may have intimacy problems in relationships. A person who has a more severe form of narcissism may appear nearly delusional with their grandiosity and may act out destructively when they feel criticized. Narcissistic behavior involves much idealization and devaluation. Characteristics involve grandiosity, entitlement, lack of empathy, idealization of self and devaluation of others.Narcissistic damage occurs when a child's vulnerable and developing core sense of self is not seen and reflected back by the adults around him/her. Each child is born a unique individual with special gifts and personal challenges, multi-layered and both simple and complex. For any one layer to develop, that part of the child needs to be seen, heard, understood and valued. Parents have to be present to be mirrors—to bear witness and reflect back. Healthy, grounded parents help young people build a frame of reference for living. When a parent's own woundedness and unmet needs override their ability to be present to a child or a parent's undeveloped parts of self render them unable to respond to a child's vulnerable and authentic needs, the child's core sense of self can be lost, fragmented or undeveloped. The loss, fragmentation and lack of development of the core sense of self is the root of the narcissistic wound. Raw, broken, undeveloped and lost, we enter a cold cruel world ill-equipped to relate, define fulfilment from the inside out and connect with the spirit of life. When our primal wiring meets the world we live in today characterized by disconnection at personal, family and social levels, we experience a helplessness and aloneness that is beyond what we are biologically prepared to embrace. Narcissistic wounding is sometimes referred to as the emptiness wound".Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what Support the show

Dopeywood Tickets: https://www.showclix.com/event/dopeywood-2026 NO ADS: www.patreon.com/dopeypodcast  

Send us Fan MailOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreSex - Addict, maybe you really are not yet at the 'ACTION' stage, as you think you are! 'Tools for 'ACTION' won't work if that is not the STAGE you are at. Let's look at where you might be at, despite turning up at the Therapists office because you have been caught and you have the Damocles sword over your head from the threats to leave and take the children - from your partner; or you have had the early morning knock at the door from the police and you are in the Criminal legal proccess and need to show to the system that you are taking steps to quit.Presenting for therapy does not mean you are ready for change and or to give up the behaviours. You see the 'need to give it up', but the 'desire to give it up' is lagging behind.I am multi-talented and do brain surgery on all of my Sex Porn Love Addiction clients. I explain that I am going to cut round your skull; lift off the top; remove your brain and put your brain on the chair next to you. (Don't forget to take it when you leave!)Why do I do something so bizzare? Because I want you to know that your brain (we also call them “Parts”), is not your best friend all of the time. It is well intended. It is seeking to look after and protect you; but it does not always make right or best decisions for you in the moment.There are times when it will work against you. It will sabotage. That is why I encourage all of my clients to build in “Treats & Rewards” into their programme of change. Over time, of the brain experiencing treats & rewards for small incremental good outcomes, I hope (eventually) to entice the parts of the brain to Start to work with you. It likes treats & rewards for good outcomes. Make sense?There is another reason for doing brain surgery. I want to have a conversation with my clients, but I don't want their brain to hear. I need to tell them something, but if their brain hears it, the brain may receive it as permission to Relapse. I don't want to unwittingly give them that message.But I do want them to hear that all the stats will tell us that most individuals do not achieve sobriety at their first attempt to change any behaviour in their life. Usually there are a number of repeated attempts. Learn to get up, dust off and get back in. Remember 'The Potholes Poem'? Request a copy from me, if you need it.What are those 'STAGES OF CHANGE ' you are talking about Gary? The Stages of Change in behaviour occurs gradually. A person moves from being uninterested, unaware or unwilling to make a change (Pre-contemplation), to considering change (Contemplation), to deciding and Preparing to make a change. Genuine determined Action then follows. Endeavours to Maintain the new behaviour occur, as well as the potential for Relapse snapping at its heel, to upset the journey towards life-long change.  Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.,Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, relationships, relationship counseling, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, relationship issues, sexual, trauma, ptsd, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Support the show

Sex Addiction and the Believer Pastor Brian sits down with Mike Genung, founder of Blazing Grace Ministry to discuss pornography, sex addiction, and adultery, and how to find victory over sin and restoration of relationship.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How well do you know the sex addiction cycle? In this powerful episode of the Faithful & True Podcast, Mark Laaser unpacks the sex addiction cycle, revealing how shame, coping, and core beliefs drive patterns of sex addiction and porn addiction.Discover how preoccupation, ritual, and acting out behaviors are fueled by deeper wounds—and why breaking the cycle requires more than just stopping behavior. This conversation offers hope for both men struggling with addiction and partners healing from betrayal trauma, pointing toward lasting marriage recovery and posttraumatic growth.

In Episode 326, we highlight the critical truth that both addiction and betrayal trauma are fueled by isolation and secrecy, making community an essential part of the healing process. Addicts often withdraw due to shame and fear of judgment, while betrayed partners frequently feel alone, confused, and unable to share their reality with others. This shared isolation deepens pain on both sides and reinforces destructive cycles. However, when individuals step into a supportive recovery community, they begin to break that isolation, realizing they are not alone and that others truly understand their experience.Community plays several vital roles in recovery. It normalizes the experience by helping individuals overcome “terminal uniqueness” and recognize shared struggles. It provides accountability, which is nearly impossible to achieve in isolation, and helps individuals stay aligned with their values and recovery goals. It also offers outside perspective, clears distorted thinking, and creates opportunities to learn and practice healthy relational skills. Additionally, connection with others has a direct biological impact, helping regulate the nervous system and reduce stress responses, which is essential for both addicts and partners navigating emotional triggers.Perhaps most importantly, community sustains hope when it is most needed. Recovery is a long and difficult journey, and there will be times when individuals feel discouraged or question whether healing is possible. In those moments, seeing others who are further along the path provides reassurance and renewed motivation. Community becomes a place where individuals can borrow strength and belief from others until they can stand firmly again on their own. Ultimately, this article reinforces a foundational principle: true and lasting recovery does not happen alone—it happens in connection.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   The NECESSITY of Community in Recovery & Healing for Addicts and Betrayed PartnersLearn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

SCOTT STOLARIK is a clinical psychotherapist who specializes in trauma resolution, sexual addiction, couples therapy, and work with forensic populations. His trauma-informed expertise and Level II E.M.D.R. training offer not just clinical know-how but a grounded wisdom for both mental health professionals and those on healing journeys. At Mosaic Pathway Counseling, Scott supports individuals and couples working through anxiety, depression, and addiction, helping unheard voices transform their stories. Scott's commitment to cultivating safe therapeutic environments aligns beautifully with holistic health. With post Master's training in leadership, his perspective bridges clinical practice with growth and empowerment.  

Send us Fan Mail- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreLove me in five ways: (See my Book - The Art of Loving)Most of us operate out of emotional love. Our love is conditional. Loving self comes first. If you do not love yourself, it is not possible to love someone with the high level of love you think you have for them. It is deception to think that we do love our partner, whilst not really able to say that we love our self. Learn to love yourself first. Individual counselling may be necessary to help you on the journey.Learn to love and then learn the art of practising love. Learn it well and then spend a lifetime discipline, maintaining and perfecting it as your love affair. We know that the English word love is much over used. We use it for loving a meal as we do for loving our partner, the pet or ice cream. Using one word in that manner is a recipe for misunderstanding and certainly lacks precision in what we are trying to express.We can compare that to the way the word love is broken down and used in the Greek language. Historically the Greek language used at least five words precisely and quite distinctly to describe the various facets of love.By looking at each of those different word descriptions we can build up the identifying features of all the components that the word love should contain and demonstrate in all healthy, progressive and fulfilling relationships. Those five words for love are Epithumia, Eros, Phileo, Storge and Agape.Every couple's love life should have all five facets of these aspects of love. Each is distinct, but inter-related and overlap. Each reinforces the other. EPITHUMIA: (The sexual love): Epithumia is a strong desire - of any kind. It is a longing for something or someone. It is to set one's heart or desire upon. It has components of coveting and to lust after. It can be a strong, lustful and physical sexual desire. EROS: (Romance): Eros has been corrupted by the English word “erotic”. Eros is the driver for the romance in the relationship. Sometimes sensual, it is the desire and feeling of wanting to be together and yearning to unite.Eros is romantic, passionate and sentimental. It is the driver which causes lovers to write love poetry, love notes and give pet names to each other. It only keeps working as long as there is reciprocation and we can see benefits.STORGE: (Security): Storge is a most valuable and expensive gift. It is a relationship which will always be there for you, despite being rejected by others; a safe place/haven. It is the need (which we all have) to belong or to be a part of a close knit system with people who care, are loyal and sincere. It is a relationship which provides emotional refuge from a world which can be cold, harsh and hard.PHILEO: (Fellowship/Friendship): Phileo is the love one feels for a cherished friend of either sex. This love is conditional and is reactive to what it sees in the other. It is a love which cherishes and has tender affection for the beloved, but always expects a response. AGAPE: (Unconditional): Agape is the fifth of our five loves. At some point in a relationship, we may be tested harshly indeed by a crisis. Perhaps for a longer period than we could have imagined or expected we have tried to love the unlovable. We are starkly face to face with a situation of “for better or for worse”. Unlovable traits show up in the partner. The toll on you has already been great. Agape is the totally unselfish love that has the capacity to give and keep on giving without a reciprSupport the show

Send us Fan Mail- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreTools for repairing The Sex Addiction impacted couples relationshipCouples get into a conflict dance of words and emotions, mostly because of their Attachment Fears - fears of being Abandoned. The conflict of words is rarely about the actual subject matter in dispute.  There is an under current of despair. It is rarely about the top left off the tooth paste or leaving the toilet seat up. Have a read of the Book “Hold me Tight” by Dr Sue Johnson.What goes wrong when love goes wrong. The clue is often in the childhood development years. Insecure Attachment is often at the root of the issues. Depleted Core Emotional Needs is a common feature. What are those 'Loves' which go wrong? Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service & Physical Touch.What is 'the childhood Development years: From birth to just after puberty. Templates get set up, which we practice and then take with us into adulthood, to form our pattern of responses; but they may have worked in childhood, in family, up were not exportable into the new couples relationship.What are those Insecure Attachments? Anxious Attachment, Avoidant Attachment & Dismissive/Fearful Attachment. The ideal outcome from childhood Development should have been 'Secure Attachment'.What are those Core Emotional Needs? The top 10 of them are Acceptance, Affection, Appreciation, Approval, Attention, Comfort, Encouragement, Respect, Security & Support.Everyone of these issues have been looked at by me in past episodes. Go search them out.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormonesSupport the show

Send a textOn-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreIn the 1950's Eric Berne began to develop his theories of Transactional Analysis (TA). He said that verbal communication is at the centre of human social relationships and is a transaction. He called it Transactional Analysis. This is our ingrained voice of authority, absorbed conditioning, learning and attitudes from when we were young. We were conditioned by our real parents, teachers, older people, next door neighbours, aunts and uncles and those in authority.It is a model about people and relationships - based on two notions. The first -  that we have three parts or 'ego-states' to our 'personality; secondly, that these converse with one another in 'transactions'. We each have internal models of Parents, Children and Adults within us. Those roles are played out with one another in our relationships. Many of our problems come from transactions which are unsuccessful.When you are trying to identify ego states, words are only part of the story. To analyse a transaction you need to see and feel what is being said as well, since only 7% of meaning is in the words spoken. 38% of meaning is from the way that the words are spoken and 55% is from facial expression. Beware of cultural differences in body-language or emphases that appear 'Parental'.Parent: There are two forms of Parent we can play. The Nurturing Parent is caring and concerned; often appearing as a mother-figure (men also play out that role). They seek to keep the Child contented, offering a safe haven and unconditional love to calm the Child's troubles.The Controlling (or Critical) Parent, tries to make the Child do as the parent wants them to do. They may also have negative intent,Adult: The Adult in us is the 'grown up' rational person who talks reasonably and assertively, neither trying to control nor reacting aggressively towards others. The Adult is comfortable with themself.Child: There are three types of Child we can play. The Natural Child is mostly not self-aware and is characterized by the non-speech noises they make (yahoo, whee). They like playing and are open and vulnerable. They are the curious and exploring; always trying out new stuff (often much to their Controlling Parent's annoyance). Along with the Natural Child they make up the Free Child. The Adaptive Child reacts to the world around them, either changing themselves to fit in or rebelling against the forces they feel.Conflict: Problems usually occur in crossed transactions, where each is talking to a different level of ego state. Watch out for crossed wires, as this is where conflict arises. When it happens, try to go to the state that the other person is in, to talk at the same level. For rational conversation, move yourself and the other person to the Adult level. The parent is either nurturing or controlling. Often speaks to the child in their adaptive or ‘natural' response. When both people talk as a Parent to the other's Child, their wires get crossed and conflict results. The ideal line of communication is the mature and rational Adult-Adult relationship. At the core of Berne's theory is the rule that effective transactions (ie successful communications) must be complementary. The problem: Being a Controlling Parent invites the other person into a Child state where they may conform with demands. There is also a risk that they will be an Adaptive 'naughty child' and rebel. They may also take opposing Parent or Adult states. Be a Nurturing Parent, talking at thSupport the show

In this episode, Duane Osterlind sits down with Dr. Alexandra Katehakis, founder of the Center for Healthy Sex, to explore the complex relationship between shame, affect dysregulation, and addiction. Dr. Katehakis breaks down why shame isn't just a "bad feeling" but a survival-based biological process rooted in our nervous system and early childhood development.Key Highlights1. What is Shame? (The Gut Connection)Shame is a pro-social function embedded in the human organism from birth. Unlike many other emotions, shame is primarily located in the enteric nervous system (the gut).The Biology: When we experience shame, we feel a visceral "drop." This is a rapid shift from a high-dopamine state (joy or excitement) to a low-dopamine state (collapse).The "No" Moment: Around 18 months, a child experiences the "genesis of shame" when a parent must use a firm "No" to protect them. In a healthy relationship, this is a temporary state.2. Rupture and Repair: The Building Blocks of ResilienceHealthy Dyad: A parent shames a child (rupture) but immediately follows up with soothing and "motherese" (repair). This teaches the child's nervous system how to regulate itself.Toxic Shame: When shaming is chronic and unrepaired, "states become traits." The child remains in a collapsed, shame-based state, leading to pathological dissociation or chronic depression.3. Addiction as "Auto-Regulation"Dr. Katehakis posits that addiction is often a result of affect dysregulation. If a person lacks the internal capacity to regulate their emotions (due to a lack of interactive regulation in childhood), they turn to external sources to "auto-regulate."The Cycle: People use substances or behaviors (sex, gambling, shopping) to escape the painful, "dead" feeling of a shame-based core.The Body: Chronic shame results in low dopamine tone, often manifesting as a "limp" or depleted physical presence.4. Shame and IdentityShame deeply impacts how we view ourselves and interact with the world:External Locus of Control: Without internal regulation, people look outward for validation, often leading to poor boundaries and becoming susceptible to exploitation.The Victim/Perpetrator Paradox: In adulthood, those with toxic shame may "perpetrate from a victim position." They use their shame to avoid accountability, forcing partners to caretake them rather than addressing the original issue.Recovery and HopeHealing from chronic shame is a long-term process (often 3–5 years), but change is possible:Ownership: Admitting to the behaviors and secrets without defense or minimization.Community: Utilizing 12-step programs or therapy to experience "interactive regulation" with others.Healthy Shame: Learning to use shame as a pro-social "lane marker" that helps us stay in integrity, rather than a weight that collapses our identity."You can't undo shame by yourself. You really have to have a community of concern to help you through it." — Dr. Alexandra KatehakisResources MentionedBooks: Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation by Alexandra Katehakis.Experts: Allan Schore (Affect Regulation), Bruce Perry (Trauma and Development), Dan Siegel (Attachment).Center for Healthy Sex: Located in Los Angeles, CA. Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation: A Neurobiological Relational Modelhttps://theaddictedmind.com/If you live in California and are looking for counseling or therapy please check out Novus Mindful Life Counseling and Recovery CenterNovusMindfulLife.comWe want to hear from you. Leave us a message or ask us a question: https://www.speakpipe.com/addictedmindDisclaimerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Send a textMore on unconscious Couples collusive fit dynamics of attractionBy ROSIE IFOULD, 1 August 2011http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2020944/Do-fight-like-cats-dogs-Or-half-pedestal-How-identifying-couple-type-transform-love-life.html#ixzz36JbJ34V9Most of us take on set roles in our relationships whether we realise it or not. We like to think that every relationship is unique. Experts have identified six different ‘couple types' that we all fall into.Psychologists say, identifying the type of couple type we are — or would like to be — holds the key to a happy relationship and being able to understand our own needs and those of our partner.The kind of couple we find ourselves in is largely influenced by what we've experienced growing up. We can't help but take on board how our parents behaved.Often, we recreate the roles of our mothers and fathers. If you grew up seeing your father worship your mother, you might expect the same from your relationships. CAT AND DOGThis couple fight constantly. They can be screaming at each other in front of you and you say: “Why don't you split up?” And they turn in unison and ask you: “Are you mad?”They enjoy the cycle of fight and make up (often accompanied by passionate sex). If one partner has an affair or does something to disrupt the trust, this becomes the relationship from hell.THRILL OF THE CHASEThe pursuer/distancer couple, in which one partner is in pursuit of the other, trying to secure their attention and affection. One pretends they don't want to know and the other enjoys the thrill of the chase. They take it in turns to play the pursuer or distancer. Whenever one senses the other is losing interest, they will switch. What drives this couple is a fear of being seen as needy. They can develop a dependency on one another.PARENT AND CHILD"I've three children … including the one I'm married to!" They feel responsible for nurturing their partner, who they regard as less capable. It may occur when one partner becomes vulnerable — for instance, after they are ill or lose their job.The parent partner is attracted because they feel that in caring for this person, they have found a purpose in life. Parenting isn't just about nurturing, it's also about control.IDOL AND FANEverything is black and white for this couple. One person is all good. Everything about them is wonderful and the other person worships them. One adopts the role of worshipper to boost the other's self-esteem. The idol may collude in telling the fan they are inferior and will never find anyone else to love them. This kind of relationship can be short-lived because there's no room for either to develop.BABES IN THE WOODThese are two individuals who recognise great similarities in each other. It's a pattern typically found in new relationships or where the partners may feel insecure. Perhaps they've been hurt in the past, so security appeals. Often described as the best of friends, with a strong, united front. They can be so focused on each other that it's difficult for anyone else to penetrate their world, including friends. THE GROWN-UPSThis is a functional relationship between two mature people at ease with their differences and with little interest in conflict. They are sensible and accommodating. These two will never have to face Support the show

Sexual addiction is often treated as a behavior problem. Stop the behavior. Remove the temptation. Try harder next time. But what if the behavior is not the real issue? What if the patterns that bring shame, secrecy, and self-sabotage are actually revealing something deeper about the story you carry? This week on Win Today, therapist and researcher Jay Stringer joins me to unpack the anatomy of sexual addiction and unwanted sexual behavior. Drawing from research involving more than 3,800 men and women, Jay explains why these patterns are rarely random and how the unresolved parts of our past often shape them. We talk about why shame keeps people trapped in destructive cycles, why curiosity is often the first step toward healing, and why grief has the surprising power to reshape what we desire. Sexual struggles are not simply moral failures to suppress. They can become a roadmap that leads us toward the healing we have avoided. If you are stuck in patterns you cannot explain, if shame has kept you silent, or if you've tried to manage the behavior without understanding the story behind it, this episode will help you see why real freedom begins with honesty. Guest Bio Jay Stringer is a licensed therapist, minister, and researcher who helps men and women understand and outgrow unwanted sexual behaviors. He is the author of the award-winning book Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing, based on a multiyear research study involving more than 3,800 men and women exploring the roots of sexual addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. Jay is also the creator of the Sexual Behavior Self-Assessment and The Journey Course, a five-month program designed to help individuals identify and transform the deeper drivers behind destructive patterns. He holds an MDiv and a master's degree in counseling psychology from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology and completed post-graduate training under Dr. Dan Allender while serving as a Senior Fellow at The Allender Center. Show Partner SafeSleeve designs a phone case that blocks up to 99% of harmful EMF radiation—so I'm not carrying that kind of exposure next to my body all day. It's sleek, durable, and most importantly, lab-tested by third parties. The results aren't hidden—they're published right on their site. And that matters because many so-called EMF blockers on the market either don't work or can't prove they do. We protect our hearts and minds—why wouldn't we protect our bodies too? Head to safesleevecases.com and use the code WINTODAY10 for 10% off your order. Episode Links Show Notes Buy my book "Healing What You Can't Erase" here! Invite me to speak at your church or event. Connect with me @WINTODAYChris on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube.

Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreUnconscious Couples Collusive fit - of attraction to each other. Identify with any of these dynamics in your partnered relationship - now or in the past?Henry Dicks suggested that there are three areas involved in a couple fit: A public fit of social class, ethnicity and education between couples.Each partner will have had different experiences from childhood. Both of the partners may have had attachment issues from childhood and have separation anxiety, but they may have different coping styles. One might be compulsive anxious attachment, one might have compulsive fearful avoidant attachment and both may struggle trusting an attachment figure.Babes in the Wood: Cling together in the face of impossible odds. Unconscious rejection - repressed anger within relationship - expressed anger at people outside the relationship by partner one. Unconscious rejection - repressed against anger within relationship - expressed anger at people outside the relationship by partner two.They often look the same and will behave in a likeable, affable manner. A couple such as this see all the bad things in the world as belonging in the outside world and not part of themselves. They keep anything bad out of their relationship. The world literally is a “big bad wolf” to them.Net and Sword: The ‘net' shows all the love & tries to encompass, control or placate the sword. Conscious rejection - deny need or yearning for other by partner one. Conscious yearning by partner two. The relationship works well until one partner owns up to their denied feelings & decides they will not be responsible for the others unexpressed feelings. There is Conscious rejection deny need or yearning for other the by partner two.One partner shows all the love in the relationship and the other all the rejection. One partner expresses all the denied emotions that the other cannot or will not express. This relationship works well until one partner owns up to their denied feelings and decides they will not be responsible for the others unexpressed feelings, often plunging the other into confusion or profound feelings of loss. (One of them has moved the goalposts).Cat and Dog: Characterised by anger, rejection & other destructive emotions. Both are only conscious of the bad in each other. Conscious rejection - deny need or yearning for other by partner one. Conscious rejection deny need or yearning for other by partner two. They often will not separate because they fear they cannot or will not be able to find a relationship with anybody better.Yet they fight. (Like Tom & Jerry cartoon). It is portrayed in Edward Albee's play "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf", and is characterised by anger, rejection and a host of other destructive emotions. Both are only conscious of the bad in each other and their lives seem like a war zone. (Very similar to the relationship which Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor lived out). Intimacy is regulated by conflict and they often will not part because they fear they cannot or will not be able to find a relationship with anybody better.In these relationship 'fits', the couple relationship is marked by parts of themselves that they are denying; counselling can help the couple “re-fit” their relationship.Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpKey words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, Support the show

Episode 321 addresses a vulnerable question from a man in recovery who fears he may have “overcorrected”—moving from sexual addiction to sexual numbness. After establishing over a year of sobriety, he wonders if suppressing his sexuality has led to aversion rather than health. We explain that this phase is not uncommon. Sobriety is essential, but it is only the beginning. When years of compulsive behavior have rewired the dopamine system, removing intense stimulation can initially feel flat. The brain and body require time to recalibrate, and during that process, desire may feel muted.We also explore the powerful role of shame and fear in suppressing healthy arousal. Many addicts carry beliefs that they no longer deserve sexual enjoyment because of the harm they caused. Unresolved shame can shut down vulnerability, which is essential for authentic intimacy. Additionally, medical variables such as stress and hormone imbalance should be ruled out, as libido is influenced by both emotional and biological factors. Healthy sexuality looks very different from addiction-driven intensity—it is relational, emotionally connected, and often built on appreciation rather than urgency.Ultimately, the goal of recovery is not sexual suppression but integration. Guardrails—healthy boundaries—are necessary to maintain safety, but walls built from fear prevent growth. As couples move from repair into creation, they can collaboratively define what authentic intimacy looks like for them. With patience, grace, and ongoing emotional connection, sexuality can evolve from something compulsive and destructive into a conscious, shared celebration of closeness and love.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  Guardrails or walls—Moving from Sexual Aversion to Healthy Intimacy in Recovery Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Did you know there are different levels of sexual addiction?On this week's podcast, Dr. Mark Laaser discusses the multiple levels of sexual addiction, what they are, and how important it is to understand your own level of acting out. Send a text

Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreMate/Partner selection, Collusive/Couple fit and all that: Why did I choose you and not someone else on planet earth?"I have never met you before or hardly know you, yet in a room of 100 people, I gravitate to you". How does that happen?My reply as a Therapist: "Because you 'promise' (or hold the potential) to fix and supplement an aspect of me which needs what you have - but I am not going to tell you that and make myself vulnerable."Say what? Yep."So you are saying that we gravitate to sameness (to compliment each other), as well as differenceness (to supplement my perceived deficits) - which I don't want you to know about and even I don't necessarily and consciously want to own that fact?"All very odd. Yep - because most of that dynamic lives in the unconscious, which is what Therapy with The Kairos Centre helps you with - to move as much from the unconscious into the conscious; so that when it is now in the conscious, you get the opportunity to try to do something about it; but just because it is now in the conscious does not mean you will be able to change what is now visible - quickly. It takes take to effect change.Why? Because you are going after patterns of behaviours set up in the childhood development period, where blueprints and templates were established and set in place and practised into adulthood. "So my thoughts and behaviours are going down a predictable course because of repeatedly practiced patterns of behaviours which have become neural pathways and it takes time to change well entrenched and well established patterns of behaviours which have become neural pathways?". Yep. You got it."Little wonder then that I set about trying to avoid getting it wrong again (by choosing that wrong type of partner) and to avoid that, I go to extreme opposite ends of the spectrum of attributes and blow me, I end up with someone where the same negative behaviours eventually show up again. Oh - yuk"!Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, Support the show

Send a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreFrom where did you get your Sex Ed knowledge back there during the developing childhood years, which you have been following through and repeatedly practising in adulthood? Was it 'Peers, banter and porn' which set up your sexual template, long before school Sex Ed - which got there way too late; the deed was already done. You give a wry smile when asked about Sex Ed at home from parents! For most - there was none at home; for others, if there was, it came way too late.Once the five senses of sight, smell, taste, touch & sound brings images and experiences onto the brain - those 'firsts' have already set up the templates - which will then be repeatedly played out in adulthood sexuality, as being 'right' and 'works'. Not necessarily true. They are templates, but they may not be accurate of 'right'. They are just what your brain experienced as 'first time' and the template is set up (whether wanted or not) and will reproduce and reproduce; churning out the same old, same old - 'seems to work'; (but you know it isn't working as you want it to work!The setting up of those templates during the childhood development period are called sexual myths. Sexual myths need to be unlearned. Then replaced with accurate knowledge about human sexually and physiological responses. That is what The Kairos Centre provide, when its Therapists are wearing a different hat and skill set called Psychosexual Therapy. (I use the shorted term of 'Sex Therapy').It can be transformation, when (for the first time) you experience Sensuality, Intimacy, Romance, Deep Love & Affection - at a must higher level (after cleansing out the dross); which is so fulfilling on its own; and you haven't even had sex yet!Come and see and experience it for yourself. Then you will have eyes to see and body to feel the difference of 'sex gone wrong' all those years that you have been doing it!Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones,Support the show

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centrePart 5 of 5 of an interview with Caroline Brown of -  This Crazy over 40s Life - a Black & ethnicity perspectiveHere is a portion of an article by Lauren Dubinsky - Founder of Good Women Project: What I Wish I'd Known Before Watching Porn, 2012 "Pornography is a charged subject, and it's a word that rarely crosses the lips of most women. Yes, there are now breeds of the modern woman who watch, talk and joke about it regularly, but most of us still stay farther away from speaking the word than we actually stay away from it...... but statistics show that, at least in Australia, more than one-third of pornography viewers are women. Just last week, I received an email from a girl who leads a small women's group; they'd just discovered that every single one of them were watching porn.When I was in high school, pornography was on the long list of "bad things" that I didn't know much about -- and unfortunately also on the list of things I had participated in. Never mind why I was watching it, the how is the same for nearly all of us: We stumbled upon it because of someone else. And none of us knew what to expect, or how to handle it.I wish someone had talked about how women watch it too, so I wouldn't have had to spend years living under the shame that comes with being "the only one" and thinking there was something wrong with me....."What are the psychosexual issues that we work with as Sex Therapists, which young people are storing up and manifests in their twenties.Erectile Dysfunction: Inability to get or keep an erectionDelayed/Retarded ejaculation: Inability or 'long' delay in being able to ejaculatePremature Ejaculation: Coming too quicklyVaginismus: Inability for penis to enter the vagina due to vaginal musclesDyspareunia: Female pain during vaginal penetrationSexual Desire Disorder: Little or no desire for sexLack of Orgasm: Inability to reach an OrgasmSpectatoring during sex: Coaching self during sex and so not fully presentGenital/body dysmorphia: Belief that genitals are not 'normal'Spermaphobia: Fear of ejaculation and specifically spermEurotophobia: Aversion to/fear of female genitaliaSickle cell Priapism: Ejection failure to reduce and is longlastingVulvar painGet some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones,Support the show

My podcast guest is Dr. Kervins Clement and his story is one that I hear about all the time- where a dependency on porn use and masturbation is justified as helping the relationship when, in fact, it often does the opposite. In this episode we explore:How Kervins' own recovery shaped the way he now works with men and couples.What his research revealed about the role of culture and history in treating Black men with sex addiction.Why guilt and remorse don't reliably stop lying and secrecy in addiction.What partners actually need after betrayal and where their focus often goes too soon.This is a thoughtful, nuanced conversation that isn't just about sex addiction- it's about honesty, courage and what healing truly requires.Get all the details about Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs June/July 2026.Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.Get immediate access to Janna's free video series for women, The Low Libido Myth.Leave a podcast review: We'd so appreciate your ​rating and review​ to help the podcast reach more couples.

Send us a text- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centrePart 4 of 5 of an interview with Caroline Brown of -  This Crazy over 40s Life - a Black & ethnicity perspectiveCovid-19 contributed to a significant increase in the compulsive use of porn in 10 to 75 years old. Women gravitated to webcam usage during lockdown – maybe coerced by partners making it seem like a necessary substitute. Many such females do not yet know they might be addicted until they try to stop.What is this thing called “Love Addiction”? Well, I believe it is all about trying to fill an Insecure Attachment need. What's that? Set up in childhood development where the bonding with key parental figures was not 'good enough'. “Say what!'. There may be a high level of sincere motivation to stop, but the physiology demand for its chemical fix, situational triggers and disturbing/upsetting feelings, causes a PART of the personality to sabotage. Logic goes offline. There is little care about the demands of the other PARTS of the personality. "I see, I desire, I want, so I take" kicks in. Immediate gratification rules.So, a lot of women worldwide, have become addicted or have a compulsion towards porn, but do not realise it. Arguably, there is greater 'Shame' for women, who then need to go deeper under ground and sty 'hidden. Stay means hide/hidden - don't tell or be found out. Remember SHAME + NARICISSISM = SEX ADDICTION.Some interesting stats from BACP Mindometer 2025 News from BACP: This annual survey into the state of the nation's mental health identified that almost two thirds (64%) of therapists say the public's mental health has deteriorated over the past year. Nearly all therapists identified financial pressures and the rising cost of living as major contributing factors, while 83% reported that war and global conflict have also negatively affected people's wellbeing.The survey gathered insights from almost 3,000 members, highlights several emerging trends:62% of therapists who work with men with addiction said they noticed a rise in alcohol addiction over the past yearOver half (53%) of therapists who work with men with addiction said they noticed a rise in porn addiction over the past yearWhat a shame the questions were focussed primarily on men. Interesting isn't it!In August 2024, BACP published its Addictions Competence Framework, identifying specialist knowledge, skills and abilities that counsellors require to effectively support adults living with addictions.  Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentreHelp is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, Support the show

In this episode (#317), we address one of the most destabilizing experiences betrayed partners face: the collapse of reality after discovering a partner's hidden addiction. When betrayal comes from someone who appeared kind, loving, and emotionally present, the trauma can feel especially disorienting. Partners often question their intelligence, intuition, and judgment—but we make it clear that intuition cannot detect information that was deliberately concealed. Betrayal is not a failure of perception; it is the result of sustained secrecy, compartmentalization, and integrity abuse.Rather than focusing on whether the addict is truly in recovery or what the future might hold, we invite partners to gently shift their attention back to themselves. Grounding becomes essential in the aftermath of betrayal, as the nervous system is often locked in hypervigilance and survival mode. We explore the importance of pausing—not freezing—so that decisions are not driven by fear, pressure, or urgency. Authentic wants and needs are not ultimatums or selfish demands; they are expressions of self-truth that deserve to be honored, especially after trauma.Finally, we discuss what it means to reclaim self-trust. Loving another person authentically requires seeing them as they truly are, not just through hope or potential—but it also requires honoring one's own authentic limits, capacity, and bandwidth. This episode is not about making the “right” relationship decision. It is about choosing a path that allows the betrayed partner to remain congruent, grounded, and whole. Healing does not require predicting the future; it begins by staying honest with yourself in the present.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   From Shock to Self-Trust:  Reclaiming Your Inner Truth After BetrayalLearn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Why are K-pop superstars BTS back and how is the group different from American bands? Why is Kevin Spacey at the centre of a huge insurance dispute? And do writers actually make good Traitors contestants? Richard Osman and Marina Hyde assess what the return of pop juggernaut BTS means for music industry - and discuss the controversial ‘Hitman Bang' behind their rise. Kevin Spacey says he has a life threatening sex addiction, will this help him out in an insurance lawsuit for over 80 million dollars? Richard and Marina chat about one of the maddest legal disputes in Hollywood history. And as The Traitors hurtles towards the final, we discuss THAT breakfast table scene. WIN TICKETS TO 'THE TRAITORS LIVE EXPERIENCE': To celebrate the launch of the new series of The Traitors we're giving you and a friend the chance to get a taste of the ultimate game of deception and tactics. Sign up to our free newsletter by visiting ⁠therestisentertainment.com⁠ and you'll be automatically entered into our competition to win two tickets to The Traitors Live Experience in central London. T&Cs Apply. Join The Rest Is Entertainment Club: Unlock the full experience of the show – with exclusive bonus content, ad-free listening, early access to Q&A episodes, access to our newsletter archive, discounted book prices with our partners at Coles Books, early ticket access to live events, and access to our chat community. Sign up directly at therestisentertainment.com For more Goalhanger Podcasts, head to www.goalhanger.com Video Editor: Adam Thornton Assistant Producer: Imee Marriott Senior Producer: Joey McCarthy Social Producer: Bex Tyrrell Exec Producer: Neil Fearn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jonathan Van Ness is one of the most recognisable and beloved figures in pop culture today - but in this conversation, they open up about the chapters of their life few people truly understand. Jonathan speaks candidly about addiction, relapse, sex addiction, and living with HIV, including the moment they realised contracting HIV ultimately saved their life by forcing them to confront a dangerous relationship with meth. With extraordinary honesty, Jonathan reflects on survival, recovery, shame, joy, and what it really means to heal. We also talk about identity, coming out as non-binary, people-pleasing, impulse behaviour, and why healing isn’t a destination — it’s a lifelong practice. Alongside the heavy moments, Jonathan brings humour, warmth and deep compassion, sharing how movement, group fitness, love, and chosen family helped them rebuild a life they want to stay in. This is a powerful, vulnerable and deeply human conversation about staying alive, finding joy after trauma, and learning how to come home to yourself. For information about Jonathan's upcoming Hot and Healed Tour head here. THE END BITS: Listen to more No Filter interviews here and follow us on Instagram here. Discover more Mamamia podcasts here. Feedback: podcast@mamamia.com.au Share your story, feedback, or dilemma! Send us a voice message, and one of our Podcast Producers will get back to you ASAP. Rate or review us on Apple by clicking on the three dots in the top right-hand corner, click Go To Show then scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the stars at the bottom and write a review. We’re giving away a Your Reformer Pilates bed (worth $3,400) Subscribe to enter. CREDITS: Guest: Jonathan Van Ness Host: Naima Brown Executive Producer: Bree Player Audio Producer: Tina Matalov Video Producer: Josh Green Recorded with Session in Progress studios. Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have recorded this podcast on, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures. Become a Mamamia subscriber: https://www.mamamia.com.au/subscribeSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Trigger Warning: Trauma, Sex Addiction & Necrophilia. Viewer Discretion Advised In this raw and intense episode of The Recovery Vow Podcast, Eric sits down with Evelyn to share her harrowing story of discovery, betrayal, trauma, and the fight to save a marriage that was built on lies. After twenty years of what she thought was a happy union, a transatlantic cruise became the setting for a nightmare when her husband began confessing to a decade-long double life.... Evelyn courageously opens up about the devastating reality of "trickle truth"—from learning about massage parlors to discovering a history of prostitution and disturbing addictions that spanned their entire marriage.... She details the immense emotional and financial toll of sex addiction, the grueling process of full disclosure, and how therapies like EMDR and brain mapping helped her navigate the shock.... This heart-wrenching conversation is a testament to the complexity of the vow "for better or for worse." Evelyn's journey reminds us that while betrayal shatters trust, finding one's voice through truth and recovery can lead to a new kind of survival. On This Episode: • The "cruise ship confession" that changed everything • Understanding the pain and damage of "trickle truth"  • The reality of sex addiction, process addiction, and betrayal trauma • How EMDR and brain scans aided in processing the shock • Counting the cost: The financial and emotional price of addiction • Why Evelyn chose to stay and how she found an outlet in writing Connect with Evelyn:  Book: Shattered Vows Music: Evelyn Reed on iTunes/Spotify Connect with us:  Socials: @RecoveryVow Website: recoveryvow.com  Email: recoveryvow@gmail.com New episodes each Monday! Top ways to support this podcast: 

In this episode (#311), we respond to a vulnerable question from an addict early in recovery who wonders whether years of porn use have permanently damaged his ability to see his wife as the most attractive person in his life. He worries that neurological “chemical bonding” to porn images and body types means he will always be more attached to fantasy than to his real partner—and that his wife may be committing to a lifetime of being second-best. We affirm that pornography does significantly impact the brain, altering arousal templates and reinforcing dopamine-driven bonding to novelty and visual stimulation. However, this chemical bonding represents only one small aspect of human attachment, and the brain is both neuroplastic and capable of profound healing and expansion in recovery.We then challenge the cultural illusion that attraction is purely biological, automatic, and based solely on physical appearance. From movies to music to porn, society teaches an adolescent model of attraction that reduces human beings to bodies and chemistry and frames attraction as something that “just happens” to us. This narrow view leaves people powerless and sets relationships up to fail—especially when addiction is layered on top. In contrast, we describe attraction as a force that can be cultivated, expanded, diminished, or redirected based on what we value and where we invest our energy. Attraction grows through curiosity, presence, appreciation, and intentional engagement—not through comparison or novelty-seeking.Finally, we emphasize that the real question is not whether a partner can “compete” with porn, but whether the addict is willing to fundamentally change how they understand and practice attraction. Porn never teaches holistic attraction—it teaches consumption without connection. In recovery, addicts are invited to truly see their partner as a whole human being, appreciating not just physical appearance but character, sacrifice, shared history, and emotional depth. The prognosis for attraction is not fixed or predetermined; it is shaped by choice, maturity, and investment. When attraction is approached holistically, porn cannot compete—and many addicts find that what they feared was lost forever is something they are only just beginning to discover.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   After Years of Porn Use, Will I Ever See My Partner as the 'Most Attractive" Person in My Life?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

America leads the world in porn consumption, and it shows in the shattered lives of families of every socioeconomic class, religion, age range, and background. It is the silent epidemic that fractures the heart of millions of families. Porn and sex addiction are as toxic to the spirit and soul as any other addiction, but because it is invisible to the eye, family support and resources are scarce if not impossible to find. This episode provides practical steps, resources, and support for anyone facing this gut wrenching situation inside their home. Whether it be a spouse, child, or extended family member that is struggling - Danny and Emily not only validate the experiences so many share but they guide you through next steps so you don't have to fight this battle alone. Join our FREE Community :https://www.skool.com/yourlivingproof/about?ref=b7cd4952bdb143398cd19560f8b1e319 Youtube: https://youtu.be/y7SnocXzSYM Follow us on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/yourlivingproof/ https://yourlivingproof.com

This episode (#308) focuses on a partner whose body has completely shut down sexually after decades of betrayal, manipulation, and sexual violation—including being touched while unconscious. We explain how her body has not suddenly changed since disclosure; it has been adapting for years to a marriage that was unsafe long before she understood why. This long-term exposure to deception and boundary-breaking creates what we call “complex trauma shaping,” where the nervous system rewires itself to avoid sexual intimacy because it associates vulnerability with danger.We also dive deeply into the concept of Integrity Abuse Disorder and how the husband's years of secrecy, gaslighting, and emotional inconsistency created an “intentionally manipulated reality” for his wife. Even though he may now be in recovery, his emotional reactions—his “sad tantrums”—trigger her old trauma and reinforce the message that he values sexual access more than her emotional safety. This dynamic retraumatizes her and deepens her shutdown, proving to her body that intimacy remains unsafe.Healing requires him to take responsibility for the full impact of his actions by engaging in what Dr. Minwalla calls “mountain work”—seeing the complete devastation the betrayal caused. Only then can he show up with true empathy, accountability, and emotional regulation. For her, healing means continuing to listen to her body, honoring its wisdom, and working with professionals to slowly rebuild safety. When both partners engage in this work, intimacy can eventually be rebuilt—not through pressure or obligation, but through genuine safety, trust, and connection.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:   Why My Body Shuts Down:  Understanding Sexual Trauma Responses After Years of BetrayalLearn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

"I got some relief from the incredible fear and pain and darkness that was surrounding me when I made the decision to get honest. That was a profound experience. There's a great scripture that I actually experienced in that event, it was Alma 34:31-Yea, I would that ye would come forth and harden not your hearts any longer; for behold, now is the time and the day of your salvation; and therefore, if ye will repent and harden not your hearts, immediately will the great plan of redemption be brought about unto you. That scripture I found later in my repentance process spoke to me because I had experienced what happened when I had a change of heart. From fear of coming forward and being honest, to I will get honest. I will do whatever is required. I could lose my marriage, lose my church membership, lose my family, lose my job. All of those things were possibilities. But yet I realized that I didn't have any alternative except to get honest. And when I chose to do that, that was a changing experience for my life."https://salifeline.orghttps://SAL12step.orgBetrayal trauma book written by Rhyll Anne Croshaw: "What Can I Do About Me?"00:00 Life-Changing Event03:46 Mission in New Zealand04:28 Addressing Sexual Addiction09:10 Personal Recovery Journey14:57 Rhyll's Perspective17:00 Second and Third Disclosures34:27 Understanding Betrayal and Addiction44:05 The Importance of Parental Involvement48:29 Steven's Excommunication and Re-baptism01:02:01 The Power of True DoctrineCozy Earth code COMEBACK for 40% off https://cozyearth.com/Mike's Auto Shackhttps://mikesautoshack.com/Serve Clothing code COMEBACK for 15% offhttps://serveclothing.com/Memor Jewelry code COMEBACK for 10% offhttps://memorjewelry.com/If you have a story to share please contact ashly.comebackpodcast@gmail.comFor inquiries contact info.comebackpodcast@gmail.comCome Back Team:Director, Founder, & Host: Ashly StoneEditor: Cara ReedOutreach Manager: Jenna CarlsonAssistant Editor: Michelle BergerAssistant Editor: Britt SmallzeArt Director: Jeremy GarciaProduction Director: Trent Wardwell