Mr Vertical Line

If there’s one thing that has become very clear throughout this season, it is this:Max Michael Clendaniel is “King Guest-Getter”. He has provided 90% of our guests throughout the 26 episodes. They have all been incredible story-tellers and supper funny. We even met Max’s Mum, who blessed us with us with a load of fascinating stories about her amazing career, and also about two famous dick-heads called Nick.So it’s bearing this in mind, that I announce our that this will LAST show of the (worst f*cking) year (ever). So what better way to round of the year, than to rely, once again on Max brining the guest. It would almost be rude if it was any other way at this point right? Why fight it?This week, we met……..Max’s Step-Dad: Michelan Sisti (Aka Michael).Michael has had a long & successful career as an actor, which we only really scratched the surface of in this episode. But there is one area of Michael’s career which I would like to casually bring your attention to now:. MICHAEL PLAYED A FREAKING TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLE!!! MICHAEL PLAYED MICHELANGELO IN THE NINJA TURTLES MOVIES!!! MICHAEL WAS A FREAKING TURTLE!! MICHAEL WAS TURTLE!!!!! MICHAEL TURTLE!!! TURTLE!!!Are we clear??!! NO?? One more time then:Michelan Sisti played the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle called Michaelango in the 1990’s movies that Jim Henson made.That should literally be all you need to stop reading this nonsense, and listen to the episode where Ivan Samuel Berry, and Kevin Gary Phillips met the chap who played the coolest character, in the coolest film from our youth. Oh, and Michael was also involved in the Muppets too….which is super cool too!But still……Turtle.

This week, Kevin Gary Phillips brought the question. It was basically:"Do you have a story about a time a first impression you had of someone turned out to be VERY wrong ? And if so, tell us, and make sure it will make us laugh!". We all had a story, and we all made each other laugh. This episode is divided into 3 chapters:1) Wade2) The Amazing Johnny3) BrandonIf the three guys central to our stories ever got together in a small room, I honestly think they would combine forces and become the shittest Transformer-style baddie ever!Have a listen and enjoy the fact you've never met Optim-Arse-Prime!

Max Michael Clendaniel brought the question this week. It was a good one. Essentially: "Do you have an interesting story attached to a significant event?".Then Max answered his question by telling a great story about a super-awkward moment that occurred while he was filming at the 2017 Oscars.Our guest, Johanna Botta, then answered the question with a super-interesting story involving a super awkward experience while she attended the VMAs.Ivan Samuel Berry then answered the question with a super-fascinating story of the time he managed to get an exclusive interview with Childish Gamino.Then Kevin Gary Phillips said some words. They weren't as good as the other three. Something about a YouTube video he saw once...I don't know. It wasn't great. Anyway, In this episode, Max introduced Ivan and Kevin to his friend Johanna Botta. Johanna was one of the cast members on the reality TV show "The Real World Austin". If you don't know what the real world is, it was basically the one of the first ever HUGE reality TV shows in America. I'm talking before Keeping Up With The Kardashians, The Osbournes, TOWIE, I'm A Celebrity, and even Big Brother. Johanna gives us a little peek into what it was like being a young twenty something reality star back when it was a complete surprise to become famous after one of these shows.Super interesting episode, and I must insist that you listen to it and enjoy...I SAID ENJOY!!!!

This episode is all about admitting some things we did in our past that we are not proud of."But K-Dowg, you big ole' sexy pirate, isn't that pretty-much every episode?" I hear you ask.And to that I say: True, but there's one key difference this week. There is absolutely no mention of poo or poo-related disasters!.... I know, mental.But it doesn't stop there. There's another big and novel event that takes place:We finally did it!! Kevin Gary Phillips and Max Michael Clendaniel were finally able to get a story out of Ivan Samuel Berry that makes him sound just as flawed as them. Ivan managed to dig deep and reveal something he did once which was...….well....a little bit naaaaaaughty (what a piece of sh*t). Then, Max dusts off the next volume of his life-story chronicles, and tells one of the most awkward and frankly terrifying Airbnb stories I've ever heard (except for the other Airbnb story Max told on episode 9). It's a genuinely amazing and hilarious account of Max's nowlife-long nemesis: Katalin.Finally, it must be said, Max used to be a complete nutcase as a young child and I'm really happy I never knew him back then. If I did, I genuinely might be dead by now.

Kevin Gary Phillips is an idiot. It's not because he didn't do very well in school; apparently Einstein didn't do very well either, and people say he was a bit of a clever clogs. I mean, he doesn't have his own podcast, but he did split the atom..whatever that means. Also, if he "split" an atom, doesn't that mean he broke it? Like, if I gave him an atom to look after, and it came back to me all split and whatnot, I'd be like"What the f*ck Albert, you split my atom?!! You're buying me a new atom Albert!"Anyway, if Albert Einstein did run his own podcast, you can bet he would remember to tell his guests to wear headphones so that the recording wasn't ruined. Kevin Gary Phillips did forget to tell his guest Miranda Louise Parry this simple instruction, which means means the audio recorded on this first attempt was rendered completely useless....because, like I said, Kevin Gary Phillips is an idiot. The silver lining to this mistake is that we all got to hear Miranda's amazing stories for a second time. I could give some clues as to what this episode entails, but I honestly think it is better for everyone If I don’t give away too much. I will say this: there is a reason this episode is the longest we've ever recorded; there are A LOT of funny stories told. Miranda is an incredible and hilarious story teller, and we WILL be having her back on the podcast!Miranda is also a very talented photographer, and you can check her work out on:Instagram: @mirandamppwww.mirandaparry.com

Emma Sarah Nicolet and Ivan Samuel Berry worked together on the Heart Four Counties’ Breakfast show. I used to tune in often and listen to the friendly banter between the two of them. There was plenty of music on the show too; Music from artists such as Pink….and others...But mainly Pink. There were certain restrictions on the show in terms of what you were and weren’t allowed to say; it was a morning radio show after all. Thankfully though, those restrictions don’t exist on our podcast, so you get to hear an unrestricted and hilarious story involving Emma, Tenerife, a moped, and some gravel.Plus, it turns out that in one evening, Emma was able to fulfil her A-list celebrity meeting quota pretty successfully.Also, if you had to choose one film to erase from our history and memories forever, would it be:a) The Holiday?*orb) Love Actually?**If your answer is anything other than “A”, I will summon the spirit of Jenkins; the pencil-moustached, sombrero hat-wearing demon who will visit your home once a year and make you dance your hardest until the sun comes up!!!!!“Heart Breakfast With Ivan and Emma….THIS IS HEART!”You can check Emma out on:Instagram: @emma_nicolet

I first met Max Michael Clendaniel's mum about 2 years ago in Dorking. It was a Monday evening and following a pub quiz, Max, Malcolm Richard Badewitz (from episode 6), and Kevin Gary Phillips all walked back to Ivan Samuel Berry's house. We then all sat on Ivan's marital bed with Ivan's wife Laura (they didn’t have downstairs sofa at this point) and watched a documentary Max created called "The Unknown Masterpiece". It was in this amazing documentary, that we, for the first time, met Nancy Joyce Clendaniel. Well I say "met", it was more of a one-way feature-length introduction into this lady's incredibly fascinating life as a Hollywood photographer. So you can imagine my excitement when I learned that Max has invited his mum onto the podcast as our guest this week. She did not disappoint. Max generally makes a whole lot more sense now as a person. He was way too confusing before. I don't want to spoil too much, so here are some words that may, or may not be involved in the week's episode:1) Jerry Lee Lewis2) Two dicks called Nick3) "You might want to tuck your pants into your boots..."4) Poo-dcast5) "These egg sandwiches sure are loud"Nancy, you are a legend!

This week, we thought we would get into the spirit of one of the most exciting holidays (in the USA): Halloween!Well I say “we”, what I actually mean is Max Michael Clendaniel and Kevin Gary Phillips try to get into the spirit. Ivan Samuel Berry, however, decided to put on his judgy pants and ruin everyone’s fun with logic and boring-juice.This week, we all talk about horror films that have, at some point in the past, scared the living poo-poo right out of our bum bums (except Ivan). What I will say though, where Ivan’s fear with this sort of thing is lacking, Kevin more than makes up for it by being a complete weakling and scaredy-head. Things that have ruined Kevin’s sleep:1) Remember “Shadow People” from episode 16? 2) Ghost Cats3) The time 03:33All enough to give the K-Dowg the fear plops. We also learn from Ivan what it was like being with some real-life ghost hunters, and Max reveals that the combination of “big mouth, small eyes” is enough to make him hold his ears and hum-away the fear.Happy Halloween!!

We had a guest all lined up and ready for this week’s episode. However, at the last minute, this mystery guest pulled out……at least, that is what we told Ivan!In truth, our sneaky co-host Max Michael Clendaniel had arranged a surprise guest visit from Ivan’s Co-Presenter on the Shorts TV show “The Short List”: Elizabeth Ashley McKinney Taylor…or just “Ashley” as she is normally known.Max also Used to be the director for this show , so I learned one thing very quickly listening to Ashley, Max, and Ivan interact: Max and Ashley LOVE making fun of Ivan. So much so, in fact, that I decided to join in…it was fun. Sorry Ivan.Anyway, have you ever known something about someone else that they didn’t know you know? Well I guess it doesn’t really matter if you have or haven’t because you weren’t on the podcast. We were, and we discussed this very question.Then all of that became null and void because Ashley then brought her story to the table. Ashley introduced us to her Mum…not literally, although I really want this to happen at some point in the future because she sounds incredible. In the meantime, I’ll tease you with the following words“Mom, I need to know how to do something?….”also:“HELLO, I’M IVAN BEWWWYYYYYY”You can check Ashley out on: Instagram:@ashley.mcktaylorTwitter@ashleymcktaylor

It takes a genuinely special kind of person to be able to work in a care home for elderly people. I feel that these people are fortified with some kind of inner-metal. I can say with 100% certainty that I lack this quality.Some people, with all the best intentions, think they may have this quality, so would therefore like to work in one of these care-homes to see if they have what it takes. Sarah Jane Tattersall is one of these people. She, like many millions of us, loved the TV show Scrubs and thought she wanted to be just like the loveable and caring, yet catastrophic lead-character JD. I'll give you one guess as to whether or not this career choice worked out......too late..the answer is no. You'll find out why in:EPISODE 17!We discuss our childhood obsessions this week; a slightly lighter topic than usual. I think we hit the ceiling on the topic of death and terror when we discovered all about Max's Shadow People visitations last week. These topics involve all the usual names:1) Freddie Mercury 2) Michael Jackson3) WWF Wrestling (or WRAAAAAAStling)4) and of course...Gareth Gates.....yep.Then we move on to the story that Sarah's had prepared for us, which I have entitled:Sarah and Maude!Sarah is an extremely funny standup comedian, sketch-comedy artist, and writer. She also owns a production company called Funny Bird Productions.You can check her out on:Instagram:@sarahjtatt@boxofcharmstv@funnybirdprodWebsite:www.funnybirdproductions.co.uk

I first met Jonathon Michael Wyer over the phone. He was introduced to me as “Producer Jon”, and he was prepping me before I went live with Ivan and Emma on their Heart Breakfast radio show. I then was passed over, and started playing a game called The Big Town Showdown….I did terribly. Doesn’t matter though, I’m still awesome.Anyway, Max and I then met up with Producer Jon on Ivan’s stag do, and our friendships were solidified. So what better way to celebrate this friendship, than to have Jon on our podcast to talk about DREAMS!This episode is all about the nighttime brain theatre that plays in our heads when we settle down into our slumber. All of our dreams are different, for example:Some of us dream about falling to our deaths!Some of us dream about a way to complete a computer game that we’ve been stuck on for days!Some of us have a whimsical dream about a cheeky time we have with Amelia Clark!….and some of us…..well…ONE of us…He lives in the terrifying world between the states of awake and sleep. It’s in this reality, that Max Michael Clendaniel has regular interactions with…THE SHADOW PEOPLE! I’m not kidding, Max retells the most terrifying accounts of what happens when this man goes to sleep. And it happens over and over!!SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHThen we move on to the main story. Producer Jon tells us what happens when you complain directly to the CEO of Apple! You’d think that someone like that would ignore a complaint coming from a random dissatisfied Apple consumer…..but you’d be wrong!

.When Max Michael Clendaniel said to me: “Hey Dude, I have a guest lined up for us this week. She’s f*cking hilarious!”…I said “Awesome!!, I can’t wait”.And then I thought:“I wonder what story she will tell?”Then Julie Ann Grady Thomas popped up on our Zoom call, and started speaking. It became very clear straight away that Max was correct; she is f*cking hilarious. But she also brought something else to the show which I didn’t quite prepare myself for.Honesty. Complete, eye-opening, scary, unnerving, extremely uncomfortable honesty. You might be thinking “Well, it’s not as if the previous episodes have been particularly light on the old honesty quota”, and I would agree. But…well you just need to listen to the episode to understand what I mean here. This is the kind of honesty that would make a Victorian Duke faint.In this episode, we discuss parents. We love them, and they love us…right? So why do they feel the need to embarrass us to a level that makes us want to crawl inside our anuses and live there for a week? Well…unless your name is Ivan Samuel Berry, then you have no story to tell because evidently his parents love him too much for this to happen…must be nice. And then, we move onto Julie’s main story…….which I call simply…”U”.Julie is an extremely talented standup comedian, sketch-comedy artist, and podcast guest; you can catch her on the following:@jgradythomas - Instagram & Twitter@boxofcharmstv - Instagramwww.facebook.com/jgradythomascomedywww.juliegradythomas.com

From the off, I feel it’s only fair to warn you…this episode is really gross…..ok……so now you know.I have been looking forward to releasing this episode for so long. The time is finally here, and I am as happy as a pancake on a big boat..and other famous sayings involving pancakes.I have been friends with Samuel Euan Davis for many years now. I can honestly say, hand-on-heart that this man has made me laugh the hardest out of any human on this earth. There have been times where I’ve genuinely collapsed on the floor because the laughter was taking up too much of my brain processes, so it said “Well I can’t keep your legs functioning if you want to laugh at this joke, so down you go old chap”.This week, we return to the topic which has been the brown life-blood of this show….poo. NO NO, don’t roll your eyes! You’re not better than me if you don’t find poo funny……STOP ROLLING YOUR EYES!! Sam tells us a story detailing the sheer panic that we have all experienced at some point in our life when our body is ready to “Release” before our situation should allow for it. I.E. The Car, at a Labyrinth gig, During a Fulham game for which you’re the match day announcer and cannot leave the stadium during gameplay etc.Anyway, Ivan Samuel Berry, Max Michael Clendaniel, and Kevin Gary Phillips all agree, this episode contains two really really funny stories from my mate Sam that you can share with your loved ones and make their day so much better.You’re a wizard Gary!

Hello everyone. Welcome to this week’s episode. It’s us…your hosts: Max Michael Clendaniel, Kevin Gary Phillips, and Peter (*wink)In this Post COVID universe, we have all collected at least one story that we can pass on to our grandchildren. A story detailing something we’ve experienced since March 2020. I imagine some of you would talk about a really eerie, and somewhat apocalyptic experience walking around a deserted central London. For others, it might be a story involving performing a rear-naked choke on that shopper in Tesco who decided that buying fourteen billion toilet rolls was an acceptable thing to do. For Kevin Gary Phillips, something occurred at the start of June. From this point lockdown became, and will forever be, summarised by four words…..1)OH2)NO3)PETER4)RABBIT. I’ll leave that with you guys to digest for a sec……In this episode, we all talk about LIES!! Lies we’ve told, lies we’re still currently caught up in, lies we kept telling to some Mormons, and a lies a friend once told us, and then made us tell to other people which eventually got us into a lot of trouble.

Remember early May 2020? Remember how awesome it was to be in the early stages of lockdown?Remember when you went out for your governmentally permitted daily one hour of outside exercise and came across a dead squirrel that scared the sh*t out of everyone? Remember the sheep?We do.In this episode: We talk about what it feels like for us all stuck at home at this point during lockdown. Also, Kevin Gary Phillips, Ivan Samuel Berry, and Max Michael Clendaniel all take turns telling a breakup story from their past. But enough about furlough and Breakups…let’s get to the bit that we all really want to know about……Ladies and gentlemen. I present to you…..Kin!..(as told by Max).Here’s a snippet:“Hi, I’m Kin”“Ken?”“KIN!”“Kid??”“Yeah whatever!”

*KNOCK KNOCK*DOOR OPENS “Hello?!”“How do you do? My name is Episode 11.”“OHH SPLENDID!! My name is Barrington Tinsley. Welcome, come in, come in. Please, have a seat”“Thank you”“So, what what audio delights do you have for my ear-holes today Episode 11? Something piping hot and marvellous no doubt”“Well sir, why don’t you have a listen to me for roughly 35 minutes, and you’ll find out exactly what I have in store.”“Oh how exciting. Couldn’t I have a just little snippet of today’s adventures?”“Oh very well. Here’s a list of out-of-context, paraphrased dialogue you can look forward to hearing in today’s episode:“My foot was grey with Gravel”“OH JESUS….SAVE ME!!!”“My laziness saved my life”“I keep pissing on the same friend when I’m drunk!!”“Oh my floppy socks, you do sound rather eventful and, dare I say, magnificently hilarious.”“Yes yes. This is true. One last thing though before I climb inside your head.”“ Oh yes…?”“I know you killed Bertie.”“…but…how could you?…..”*Episode 11 jumps to his feet and does a super Karate-chop to Barrington’s arm. Barrington then just explodes and blows up in a really freaking cool explosion bomb blast bang.* “Take that you filthy beast”*Episode 11 slowly turns around, walks out of the door….down the street…and into your ears and hearts*

“Doctor……Doctor…...DOCTOR!!!!!!!”“For heaven’s sake Crispin, it’s four in the morning! You know I need my science sleep!!”“Yes Doctor, but I’ve just received word….It’s ready”“What? Really? episode 10 has finally been released?”“Yes. It Has. We can finally hear all about how Ivan Samuel Berry made a tit of himself in front of Ant & Dec!!”* The doctor leaps to his feet on the bed *“GRAB BOTH MY HANDS CRISPIN!”* Crispin climbs onto the bed and grabs the Doctor’s hands. They then bounce up and down while spinning in a circle and laughing really loudly for thirty-straight-minutes*“Hold on Crispin. I’ve just remembered in my brain…..This is the same episode that Max Michael Clendaniel becomes the third official host of the podcast! He also describes how he responds to meeting his all-time schoolboy crush: Keira Knightly.”“Oh that’s right Doccy-plops, he also ends up looking like a right titty-face!”* They both simultaneously resume laughing, but really really loudly this time…like basically screaming. At the same time, they both take turns doing impossible acrobatics off the bed and landing perfectly…This goes on for five hours. Finally, Crispin and the doctor both land a double backward somersault off the bed and land on the dressing table. They both stop laughing*“Crispin?”“Yes Doccy- Doo-Doos?”“Kevin Gary Phillips doesn't contribute much in this episode does he?”“No, not really. But this is the first episode they recorded over Zoom around the time when the whole of the UK went into Lockdown….so that’s pretty interesting yes?”“No it isn't Crispin. Go! I would be alone, for now I must sleep.”“Okay, dream sweetly. But please remember…Max tells us a story about his friend Maxwell. Remember, how he is pretty much mugged twice by some scary dudes in LA?”“Ah yes…thank you Crispy-face.”* The doctor falls asleep instantly. Suddenly…a..big…..freaking tiger (or something) runs into the room.*Will the Doctor and Crispin defeat the Tiger?…..No.Now enjoy this week’s episode my little sausages.

“DOCTOR, IT’S ESCAPED!!”“Calm down Crispin, what has escaped?”“EPISODE 9 OF MR VERTICAL LINE!!”"What?….that’s impossible…but that means……OH MY GOD!!”“I know…it’s the episode with two separate stories from Kevin Gary Phillips involving:Pissand then Piss again!!”“Yes that’s right Crispin. Well done. Well done indeed Crispin.”“Yes”“And..oh heavens, isn’t this the episode where Max Michael Clendaniel tells us all about…..BONES JONES???!!!!!”“ Yes Doctor, it is. God I love your memory sir”“Thank you Crispin, but this is no time for sexy flirting; I’ve just remembered that this is also the episode where Max tells us all about the time he met the laziest (potential) serial killer in the world?!!!”“Oh Doctor, I can’t take it anymore. You know how your memory for podcast content really revs my engine. KISS ME!!!!”“OH CRISPIN, WHY FIGHT IT! LET’S KISS AND SMOOCH ON THREE. ONE…..TWO….”*Suddenly, all power to the laboratory is cut. Crispin screams*“Crispin, stop screaming and find a bloody candle you knob-head”Will The Doctor & Crispin ever get to kiss and smooch? Will Episode 9 make it’s way into the lives and hearts of everyone ever……Find out next week please.

Episode 8 set sail a while ago, and is now pulling in to…port?..dock?..a boat garage? I don’t know. Anyway…Destination: YOUR FREAKING EARS! Right off the bat, I need to warn you all: This episode turned out to be one where Ivan Samuel Berry, Kevin Gary Phillips, and their guest Max Michael Clendaniel retell some super sad stories involving boats. I mean, they’re really interesting stories, and you should definitely all still listen. But just be aware that this week involves less comedy, and focussing fairly heavily on tragedy. Sorry about that. Anyway, here are the DVD chapter-style bullet points for the episode:10-year-old Ivan is changed forever after he has a horrific experience on a ferry30-year-old Max is changed forever after learning about the most horrific story involving a ferry in South Korea.21-year-old Kevin is changed forever after learning about a) a super intense story involving a South African Cruise ship..followed by b) The most horrific experience involving another South African cruise ship.Max is changed forever when he decided to get a massage and is told a slightly less horrific story by his masseuse in India.Kevin is changed forever when he is man-handled by his masseuse in Thailand. All I can say is this…NEXT WEEK WILL BE FUNNY AGAIN!

Episode 7 just crash landed right into the centre of your head-minds!!So one evening, I was having dinner with my friend Sean Joseph Croghan. We were talking about the podcast and Sean says the following:“I could come on the podcast and talk about the time I worked at Guantanamo Bay?”I think that’s should pretty much be all the information you’ll need to entice you to hit play!But in case you’re worried: yes, we do also talk about a fart in church.

Welcome to episode 6!! In this episode, Kevin Gary Phillips is joined with the dashing Max Michael Clendaniel as his co-host as the scrumptious Ivan Samuel Berry could not make it into studio MVL today. Max and Kevin speak with their guest Malcolm Richard Badewitz over Skype at about 3AM (his time) from LA! What a champ! Malcolm is an incredibly funny dude with a bunch of funny (and equally horrifying) stories involving some of his pets. If there’s anything I can do to help prepare you for this episode, it’s to tell you this…….NATURE IS HORRIBLE!!Also, don’t go to New York, spiders are badass, and don’t go in the first cage!

Good people, what a treat Episode 5 has for you all. Now let our smooth, buttery, creamy and yet lumpy voices soothe you today; it’s been a hard week, and we know exactly what you crave. So grab that glass of wine you deserve, dim the lights, pull your socks up to your nips, comb your noise hair real nice, because here comes what you all asked for…..Stories about: Fingers up bum-holes What reaction the Ivan Samuel Berry of yester-year would give to thinking a spider was on him (hint: it’s really cool) & we have our returning guest Max Michael Clendaniel describe something rather awesome that he decided to do for a film project at high-school one year (hint: it rhymes with “setting your leg on fire”). Also guys…..”MY STOMACH IS STICKY!!”…..that will makes sense very soon.

This episode really just needs to be listened to in order to be fully understood. But if I HAVE to create a blurb to entice you people, here’s my attempt:Max is a lovely person that doesn’t deserve bad things….but we don’t live in a world that dishes out consequence equal to action sometimes….so…..please just listen and learn about something that happened to my friend that really can’t be summarised in a blurb. I guess I’ll leave you with the familiar buzz-word bullet point method that we all love and need sometimes:Curry-flavoured condomsTampon decorationsPoo in a binPoo in a golf holeDolly Parton VS The Red Hot Chilli PeppersBristol

Ever wondered what it's like to be kept awake all night because of people having really loud, but yet unconvincing sex next door to your hotel room in Bangkok? Or have you ever wished you could hear some truly horrifying facts about ducks? Cool…..keep reading. Welcome to episode 3, in which Ivan Samuel Berry and Kevin Gary Phillips have the pleasure of introducing their first EVER guest to the show: MAX MICHEAL CLENDANIEL! Max’s story-telling skills are up there with the very best, so it was a pleasure to have him on the show this week. I don’t want to give away too much, but here are some buzzwords that you will understand once you’ve hear this week’s “ep” (cool way of saying episode).Fuzzy DucklingsAudio-pornGreen motorcyclesDucksDaveGolden EggsI see dead peopleFinally, just one more thing. Max and Kevin both attended a church when they were younger. They both have stories to tell, so tell stories they did. Ivan never went to church, but his mate Dave did.Enough foreplay, JUST LISTEN AND ENJOY:Max and the Golden Egg

“MOTHER!! FATHER!! COME QUICK!! EPISODE 2 IS FINALLY HERE!!”I’m assuming this is what you yelled this fine Wednesday morn?…no?..Ok well I’ll stop speaking like an olden posh-head.There’s a reason I call this a “..storytelling and CONFESSIONAL podcast”; essentially the first part of the episode focusses entirely on things Ivan and Kevin got away with when they were young. Some minor, some a little bit “more-than-minor”. I won’t focus too much on that part because the main thing you need to remember is this: it’s all false and none of it is true…ok? Cool.Also, Kevin Gary Phillips talks about an experience he had when he walked into a car-park in Guildford and was transported to a Tim Burton film……or maybe Tarantino? So ladies and gents, stop everything you are doing AT ONCE, and enjoy the latest instalment of MVL: Scams & The Blob Man

IT’S OFFICIAL, EPISODE 1 IS HERE!!!It’s a splendid day, and splendid days deserve splendid stories. So, now that your whistles have been sufficiently wet with the Teaser Episode, it’s time to provide you with some story-telling meat. So Here it is!Poo; it’s a funny old word isn’t it. It can be a noun, a verb, an adjective (I guess), and an expletive. For some, it’s a word than invokes revulsion and distaste. For others, it’s DEFINES their humour and cannot talk about it enough. For KGP, when he hears the word, it only brings up one emotion…regret. More on that later.You should probably know beforehand: The stuff Kevin Gary Phillips admits to on this episode for his story is really quite disgusting, so please try your best not to judge him….but he totally understands if you do….because it’s basically impossible not to. So sit back, put a pair of headphones on, gather round the wireless (or whatever), and enjoy hearing about Scars and Back Stage Regrets.

About 2 years ago, Kevin Gary Phillips had a dream: to one day start his own podcast. So he thought about it real hard, and then did nothing.Then later he did something! He called his friend Ivan Samuel Berry and asked him to be a co-host on his podcast. Ivan said “no”. Kevin said “do it or I will murder everyone you love!”, Ivan said “I’ll do it!”. and they high-fived! Ivan and Kevin then tried one idea, which never really took off because it was terrible and stupid.THEN…MR VERTICAL LINE WAS BORN.In this teaser episode, Ivan and Kevin discuss roughly what to expect from the show, and give a couple of tasty stories to wet your naughty little appetites. We also talk very briefly about the things that make us laugh:ballsboobsBig fish…or Big Train (inside joke)If that wasn’t enough to get you to hit play, Ivan also dies halfway through the episode and Kevin bravely nurses him back to life because he is sexy and brave and sexy…..(that last part may not have been actually recorded).So sit back, pop a pair of headphones on, and enjoy hearing about scary youth leaders, and a slap happy ex. Oh and Kevin also explains why he named the podcast MVL.