Riders Radio Theater

A bleak and unhappy Christmas spirit has descended upon our peaceful and bucolic Valley. Nowhere is there joy and laughter, nowhere except in the rank and dimly lit backroom of the Dry Gulch Saloon. Thanks to a devious transaction scheme that has left Tumbleweed Valley penniless, Slocum and Charlie are laughing their way to a faraway Dry Tortugas bank. Can Riders In The Sky thwart this yuletide disaster?!

The Christmas shopping season is short and frenzied in Tumbleweed Valley. And with the daily chores and the added work of preparing for the hard winter freezes to come, it’s not until the week before Christmas that residents do their shopping. Tumbleweed City merchants have stocked their stores in preparation for the weeklong stampede. It’s the evening prior to the Valley’s big shopping spree, and at Harmony Ranch, Sidemeat is fixing his infamous Christmas stew…

One of the most eagerly awaited days of the year in Tumbleweed Valley is New Year’s Eve. All day long there are lots of friends dropping by, and a real festive feeling is in the air. But the real celebration is saved for the evening in the kickoff of the Barbwire Conference football championship, the Bean Bowl. The Riders are in their home on the range preparing to leave for the big game…

It was the day before Christmas, and all through the land, everybody was bustling with last minute plans. There was shopping and wrapping and baking to do, as all awaited a visit from old you know who. The valley was glistening with fast falling snow, and the Riders rehearsed for the big Christmas Eve show…

Titanic II has sailed from Southampton and is en route to New York City. Meanwhile, Sidemeat has become enamored with the beautiful Rose, who is engaged, and Slocum and Charlie are posing as English lords. Their nefarious goal is to steal the largest diamond in the world, but an inadvertent skewing of the global positioning system has changed the ship’s course from New York City to Florida…

On April 14, 1912, at 11:40 PM, the largest movable manmade object the world had ever known, the unsinkable Titanic, scraped her starboard bow in the frigid North Atlantic, and the sinkable did the unthinkable. 88 years later, she’s back bigger and better than ever. It’s the year 2000, and Titanic II prepares to set sail on her maiden voyage. But tucked away in the deepest depths of the Floridian ocean lives a foreboding formation ten times bigger than the biggest iceberg ever known to man…

It was near the end of October 1999, and business was good. Unemployment was down, all economic indicators were up, and the only clouds on the horizon were Y2K, the millennium and Kenneth Starr. In the Starlight Rooftop Garden, high atop the Quality Hotel in downtown Norwood, OH, a live rumba music program is underway. But a sudden series of interruptions will change the course of the broadcast – and world – forever…

Slocum and Charlie are well on their way to building a roller coaster empire in south Florida. The fact that their evil scheme could cause the ruination of one of America’s greatest national resources, the Everglades, mattered little to the two fiends. But it mattered to Riders In The Sky, who after thwarting the villains with the inadvertent help of a vacationing High Sheriff Drywall, are now in hot pursuit of them down interstate 95… featuring Danny Davis!

After using the “Snake Charmer’s Yodel,” Ranger Doug saved Riders In The Sky from certain, snake-filled doom, and the chase was resumed. Meanwhile, Slocum and Charlie rolled High Sheriff Drywall into a little ball and crammed him inside a runaway D10 Caterpillar. Unbeknownst to the villains, the D10 careened out of sight towards Everglades National Park, where a group of highway patrolmen set up a howitzer to blow the machine to smithereens…

Riders In The Sky have been thrown into a deep, snake-filled pit by the villains Slocum and Charlie! Fortunately, America’s Favorite Cowboys landed on a small ledge in the pit just out of snake striking distance. Meanwhile, High Sheriff Drywall, who has just finished the dike, has come to realize what Slocum is up to and has threatened to stop it… featuring Cathy Fink and Marcy Marxer!

All our principals are now in the Everglades of Florida, where Slocum has tricked Sheriff Drywall to build a dyke to drain 10,000 acres of Everglades, which Slocum acquired for some unknown nefarious purpose… featuring Walter Ostanek!

High Sheriff Drywall – thinking he has mercury poisoning from driving a 1958 Mercury across the country – sits huddled on a stump, the only point above water in the 100 acres of his newly bought land. As you might expect, it is a long night for the High Sheriff, but as with any dark and miserable night, it soon ends and day breaks… featuring the Nashville Mandolin Ensemble!

Slocum and Charlie, realizing the Riders are hot on their trail, have purchased Delbert’s Roadside Attraction which featured Big Alice, the world’s meanest alligator. Slocum then disguised himself as Delbert and tricked the newly arrived Riders into thinking the pond was a swimming pool… featuring Floyd Cramer!

After stopping by the Florida Foundation for Development Development Development and picking up some spurious permits and clearances, Slocum and Charlie leave Tallahassee and head east across the panhandle. Around noon they pull off the highway at a rest stop in front of a building shaped like a huge hot dog…

High Sheriff Drywall is delivering a ’58 Mercury to a car show in Miami. After dropping the car off, the High Sheriff plans to check out 100 acres of land he bought in South Florida that he read about on the back of a matchbook cover. In the muggy subtropical heat of Tallahassee, Florida, two jazzy looking Vipers drive down a side street near the capital building…

Special Treasury Agents Riders In The Sky are still in hot pursuit of Charlie and Slocum, and their search has led them to the famed southwestern theme park Reality Land. It was there America’s Favorite Cowboys decided to ride the park’s most famous ride, the Financial Rollercoaster, unaware of the bomb placed at the top of the attraction by Charlie the night before… featuring Charlie McCoy!

At the request of the United States Treasury, Riders In The Sky have been tasked to track Slocum and Charlie, who are now wanted for their counterfeiting spree. On a lonely straight stretch of western highway, two high-powered Viper automobiles are flying at speeds approaching 200 mph. Meanwhile, Riders In The Sky have stopped at a small truck stop on the Eddy Dean Highway… featuringTricia Walker and the Mudcats!

The villains Slocum and Charlie have burglarized the Federal Treasury building and stolen a set of plates used to print authentic $100 bills and the special paper used to make currency. Several days later in Tumbleweed City, the vault of the First Rational Bank was stuffed with bogus bills, and the aforementioned fiends were seen riding off into the sunset in brand new Dodge Vipers…

Slocum and Charlie attempted to short circuit the alarm system that guards the United States Treasury. This caused a communications breakdown in our nation’s capital, and as a result, the Pentagon’s war room computers reported that America was being invaded. With the President out of town, the Vice President – hiding in his bunker – was left to make a tough decision… featuring John Hartford!

At the conclusion of Monster from Mystery Mountain, the villain Slocum and the doofus Charlie were arrested by Sheriff Drywall and charged with a most serious crime. But even the most heinous of criminals are due their day in court, and it is on that particular day that this tale begins...

Slocum and Charlie have lured Riders In The Sky to Skull Rock and trapped them in a ring of white, hot magnesium fire. The only thing that can save them is a No. 2 Yodel, but will Ranger Doug’s voice be captured by last episode’s yodel catcher? Is this the end of Riders In The Sky?! Featuring Tracy Nelson!

Charlie carelessly dislodged a mountain boulder, which is now barreling down to High Sheriff Drywall. Under the falling deadly stone the Sheriff sits, the muscle of his brawny brain is strong as milky bone. But no bones about it, faith is about to intervene... featuring The Dixie Chicks!

Slocum and Charlie are preparing for the final phase of their evil plot: using a yodel catcher to capture Ranger Doug’s yodel and focus it on Skull Rock! High Sheriff Drywall stumbled onto the villains and was quickly tossed over the side of the mountain down Dead Man’s Cliff…

As part of Slocum’s plot, the evil villain must trick Ranger Doug into performing a pure, clean no. 2 yodel, the most powerful of yodels that can pulverize the rock five miles deep into Mystery Mountain that is keeping molten gold from flowing to the surface. The Riders have figured out that Slocum is behind the monster trouble and are riding to Tumbleweed City for a showdown. Featuring Martin Delray!

The monster has attacked Riders In The Sky, only to be thwarted by Myron Floren and his mighty accordion, knocking the monster off the mountain. The Riders have since deduced the monster is Charlie in a suit, the product of a plan devised by Slocum. It is the morning following the big monster attack, and the Riders are gathered around their campfire on Mystery Mountain enjoying their coffee…

The desperate, panic-stricken citizens of Tumbleweed Valley have sold their land on Mystery Mountain for a fraction of its value to Slocum, causing intervention from Riders In The Sky. To prove that the monster isn’t a threat, America’s Favorite Cowboys have decided to camp out on Mystery Mountain to settle the rumors once and for all… featuring Myron Floren!

High Sheriff Drywall has been pushed off a cliff by none other than Slocum and his mechanical monster! It is now the morning after Sheriff Drywall’s night of terror on Mystery Mountain, and at the famed old Harmony Ranch, Riders In The Sky are gathered in the cozy kitchen drinking coffee and listening to their second favorite radio program…

Tales of the huge, fire-breathing monster have spread across the valley like a prairie wind. It then became the duty of Sheriff Drywall, who wasn’t present to see the monster, to go and search for the creature. The aforementioned Sheriff informed Slocum of this hunt and the specific road he would take to start it: details that would lead to an unfortunate plan… featuring John McEuen!

Slocum has unleashed his robotic monster on the unsuspecting citizens of Tumbleweed Valley during the annual storytelling festival! Unfortunately for Charlie, a leak in the flame-throwing tank turned him into a flaming fireball that is now hurdling towards Riders In The Sky…

It is the day of the Night of 1,000 Terrors on Mystery Mountain, where Tumbleweed Valley prepares for its storytelling festival of hair-raising horror. Speaking of horror, Charlie and Slocum are busy assembling a mechanical monster as part of their big and evil plan… featuring Patsy Montana!

Slocum sent the doofus Charlie on a bizarre shopping expedition to procure a curious array of scientific electronic and household items. Later that night, in a makeshift laboratory underneath the Dry Gulch Saloon, our resident villains are inventing a robotic nightmare the town will never forget…

The villain Slocum was released from prison on appeal. Upon exiting the jail, he bumped into High Sheriff Drywall, stealing his badge and wallet. In no time, Slocum was operating once again out of the Dry Gulf Saloon. As the sun goes down in Tumbleweed Valley, the citizens gather at the Buck Benny Theater for the big fantastic magic show featuring Heff Heff and Mr. Bagwell… featuring The Ohio Valley Rounders!

It’s Saturday morning in Tumbleweed Valley, and all is peaceful and well… except in the kitchen of Harmony Ranch. The Riders are gathering for breakfast while Sidemeat looks for his big bowl to cook a big surprise. Meanwhile, High Sheriff Drywall is bringing breakfast to his current prisoners…

The Riders gathered a recall petition to stop the big “Elvis Alive Again: Hello from Vostrovia” concert, and Slocum was fired as boss of Vostrovia. But by then he couldn’t have cared less, because he was off with 50 million bucks, a 20-megaton hydrogen bomb, and a getaway jet with the engines running… featuring Waddie Mitchell!

The Vostrovian skies are turning dark and dreary, the barometric pressure is falling, and the sound of distant thunder heralds the news that soon the monsoons of autumn will pour torrents of rain across the land. But inside the Mud Dome everything will remain dry! It’s the day before the Vorstball playoffs, and Riders In The Sky have gathered to watch the teams practice…

Using Sidemeat’s secret biscuit bonding catalyst, Woody Paul devised a super mud for which to build the huge domed stadium. Meanwhile, former High Sheriff Drywall has reached Vostrovia in the dead of night, only to be run over by Slocum and Charlie’s armored limo… twice. Now suffering from amnesia, former Sheriff Drywall’s memories are slowly returning… featuring Don Edwards!

The Vostrovian beet harvest has been delayed due to the vorstball playoffs, the country’s national pastime. Unfortunately, Vostrovia is still in great need of a domed stadium for the playoff games. To remedy the situation, Ranger Doug has given his personal guarantee that if they harvest their beet fields before the games, he will see to it that a 50,000+ seat stadium will be built…

After being recognized by a storekeeper in Lake Edna, the Riders were informed of a national town hall meeting scheduled for the next day. Meanwhile, former High Sheriff Drywall was canned from the Big Red China Elvis My Way tour and left stranded on a dark, lonely dirt road in the middle of Central Asia… featuring Paulette Carson!

Riders In The Sky, now running low on supplies and wanted dead or alive by the Vostrovian government, have disguised themselves as Kentucky Colonels and ridden into the isolated village of Lake Edna to buy supplies. Will their cover be blown? Will Slocum capture the Riders at last? Is this the end of Riders In The Sky?! Featuring Great Plains!

A US plane carrying 30 tons of fine Wisconsin cheese has been forced to jettison its cargo directly over the hidden campsite of Riders In The Sky. As the huge, cheese-shaped shadow looms larger and larger, the Riders finally look up to what might be their dairy demise…

After landing in Vostrovia and narrowly escaping a shootout led by the doofus Charlie and the Vostrovian marksmen, the Riders fled to the hidden site in the foothills. In an unexpected turn, Sidemeat resorted to a biscuit-throwing rampage that led to an even less expected hole in the earth that swallowed him whole. Is this the end of Sidemeat and ill-prepared meals?! Featuring Montana Blue and the Big Sky Cowboys!

Instead of sending the billion dollars requested by Slocum on behalf of Vostrovia, the State Department has flown Riders In The Sky to the newly formed country. After receiving a crash course on Vostrovia culture and language, the Riders are on a plane en route to provide American foreign aid. Inside the Vostrovian Presidential Palace, Slocum is about to take a meeting with his Chief of Secret Police…

Slocum has taken over Vorstrovia after promising them foreign aid from the United States. Once in power, he established himself as a dictator known as “The Boss,” and made Charlie Head of Police. To keep with his campaign promises, Slocum has sent a request to the US for one billion dollars, which was opened for the first time by Lord Thackston IV… featuring Peter Rowan!

As the space capsule holding Slocum, Charlie and their Russian cosmonaut rescuer was about to float unnoticed to a landing site in Vostrovia, the parachute fell into the middle of the town hall. There, a group was gathered to elect a new leader to guide the country down the long road to capitalism. Recognizing opportunity when it knocks, Slocum wasted no time in making an appealing speech…

Slocum and Charlie, still stranded in space, are out of water, and all food is gone except for two jars of Tang. Fortunately, they are rescued by a Russian cosmonaut; unfortunately, he is also out of food and water. After finishing the jars of Tang, a ravenous Slocum recalls the Donner party’s historic solution and reaches for a lead pipe… featuring Marty Brown!

In the cool of the evening on the famed old Harmony Ranch, the Riders are relaxing on their front porch. But high above the atmosphere, Charlie and Slocum are stowed away and drifting through space in an unmanned space shuttle due to a shutdown by then President Bush…

The great race is underway with three balloons still in the running! Riders In The Sky are sailing over Italy, Slocum and Charlie are soaring over the Sahara Desert, and Sheriff Drywall is still stuck at the starting line. Slocum’s villainous balloon has caught a strong trade wind and is current in the lead, but a balloon in the distance might change their course… featuring Connie Smith!

A huge Slocum-induced disaster on day one left only three balloons in the race! It’s day two of the great race, and now the field is virtually empty. The officials, balloons, and crowds are gone, and all that’s left on the grassy airfield are discarded programs, fallen confetti and one lone balloonist still trying to get airborne…

Famed millionaire John Tipton has offered a million-dollar prize to the pilots to circumnavigate the globe in one, continuous flight. Riders In The Sky need to win the prize to pay off the mortgage on the famed old Harmony Ranch and to fund Miss Marm’s youth center. The race has drawn interest from competition all over the world…including Slocum. On the eve of the big liftoff, the doofus Charlie stands atop a grassy knoll overlooking all the balloons… featuring April Barrows!

A reclusive millionaire with a popular television program in the 1950s has been known to give one million dollars as prize money in bizarre contests of his own invention. Now, semi-retired in a little-known part of the west called Tumbleweed Valley, the eccentric host makes plans for his next millionaire…

Charlie – equipped with a saddle horn cellular phone and the codename “King of Spain” – is following the Riders as they begin digging for the entryway to the Lost Suburb of Gold. After attempting to call Slocum with an update, sun spot activity caused the call to be redirected to Sheriff Drywall, who was still expecting a call from the actual King of Spain. Meanwhile, the Naval force from Port Wiley accidentally armed the previously deactivated atomic bomb and are fleeing for their lives… featuring the Chenille Sisters!