The Wrong Hands: Your Beginners' DnD Podcast

I feel a new member will soon join the fold. Their will is weakening. I sense it. I hunger to add their essence to my plans. They will come.   - T

The Diary of S   I don't know why I have to use my initial, who's gonna read this? I suppose, knowing him, all kinds of enemies, some probably arch enemies. Anyway, binder C told me to continue with this glorified homework assignment. I've arranged the miniatures to be distributed through the temporal gates. Why do you have to check up on me all the time, huh?   

Hahahahahahaha. Those idiots. - Withers' Journal

The Diary of R.S. Enough lounging around. Time to setup some traps for my...brothers? They're not brothers or clones, really. 'Versions' I suppose they'd be called. If I hadn't thought of a practical use for this diary I would have long since stopped writing in it, just so you know, whoever ends up reading this: 'S', I've planned for that to be you. Now, if you're reading this, 'S', then you need to refer to binder C in the blue cabinet, you'll find more instructions inside.

Site E7 has become the strangest insight into this primitive time we've uncovered so far. The large quantity of fluids we believe were stored at this site is evidenced in the glass vials we found and the traces within them. The trace analysis reveals that reproductive fluid of some kind, from a highly evolved creature, at some point resided in these vials. I can only speculate what they must have been doing with it at a venue seemingly based on entertainment. - Archaeologist Ankil's log, 2341 D

Wow, that took a while but I found them. Irritatingly, still alive. But, no matter. I can map around them. It looks like they're heading towards our tenant, so I won't have to deal with them too much longer. Hopefully, they haven't permanently damaged anything that would require a map change, I know master hates map changes. - Withers' journal

Where did they go?! I know every inch of this place....don't I? How long has it been since I did my mapping run? Perhaps master will be able to tell me. Although, he'll expect me to have handled those details. I may be inviting trouble if I ask him. It's time for a new mapping run. I'll wait until after they've 'concluded' their journey. - Withers' journal

Site E7 shows traces of what we think is a Hallow spell. The strongest remnants we've seen from an Orphian-era site. My colleagues and I felt somewhat cheerier while digging. We also discovered a number of what appear to be game machines and game playing equipment. As is common in this kind of establishment, we also discovered a large quantity of fluids. - Archaeologist Ankil's log, 2340 D

The Diary of R.S. Nested universes are better but a lot more initial effort to create. And, apparently, tense to maintain. Perhaps I need to go in a direction other than universes for fuel. But, I've earned a break. The Bumble Bees are on cable again, I'm gonna see where they go this time and what obvious encounters they fuck up.

Site C2 is strangely primitive, given what we know about the civilisations of this time. It seems to be a basic campsite. Although, there are far more tools and possessions here than the number of humanoid remains would indicate. Perhaps a hermit or hoarder of sorts resided here? However, the other set of remains we found in the area is clearly a creature from another realm. It appears to be winged and predatory. Perhaps it was the reason this small, hoarder humanoid died so violently. Violently doesn't even start to cover it, really. Something had a grudge against this small...man.  - Archaeologist Ankil's log, 2339 D

The Diary of R.S. Created a small universe today. Burning it in my pipe did not provide the high I was looking for. Watching these dopes is only tolerable while high. Although, there's certainly violence. Maybe I need to make a series of nested universes and burn that for a denser flame. Yes, I'll try it and report back.

Yes, my pets, this is the floor that will be your undoing. The master's riddles may be helping but they'll be of little use against the resident of this floor. - Withers' journal

I no longer hold out hope that you're alive. I know this is a gesture entirely for myself. Or...perhaps, for your loved one. I'm finding my search challenging. Without the resources of our outpost, I'm working in the dark. But I have found one group that we were keeping tabs on. Hopefully, they'll lead me to the prototypes still unrecovered, although I don't know why they would. I suppose groups like theirs tend to seek out objects, people, and places of great power. Anyway, I've made this report in the form of a bedtime story, as I did once before. I hope it finds someone who needs it.   - Galahad

If only the Master could suck away all the dumb luck from the area, in addition to the loose souls. At least they delve ever deeper. Heartened by their escapes, their confidence will build, drawing my grasp ever tighter around their throats.  - Withers' journal

Site B4 appears to contain the ruin of a kind of primitive kitchen. Most puzzling is the presence of sand in the kitchen and even in the food. We checked whether this was rubble and, no, the arcane bubble protected most of the sites from rubble over the millennia. They seem to have intentionally added sand to their food, or, at least, they did in this city. - Archaeologist Danell's log, 2337 D

The Diary of R.S. There must be something else on but I can't bring myself to change the channel for some reason. Why so many panthers? 

The master wants me to lure them down. I'll reduce patrol frequency but keep new batches in production. I hope they find the wine. The wine is my favourite. - Withers' journal

Reevaal is a strange place. The South side is terribly civilised, I must admit, I'm a fan of it. But, the North, I don't want to sound rude in my own journal; think of future generations who will read it! But, the North side is a little...messy? I'll stay for a short while, entertaining the locals with my stories, before continuing my journey East into the forest.   - Volo's journal ***** Our Kickstarter, Molldini's Silver Pack: The Deck of Even More Things, inspired by this podcast, is now live! Visit the link below to find out more and pledge today: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1220363178/molldinis-silver-pack-a-deck-of-even-more-things

I've changed my mind. The journey to The Roost was dull (and a little scary). I shall venture Eastward toward the Eastern forest. Little seems to be known of it, which means it is a prime candidate to be Volo'd!  - Volo's journal ***** Our Kickstarter, Molldini's Silver Pack: The Deck of Even More Things, inspired by this podcast, will be launching on May 4. Visit the link below to be notified when it goes live: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1220363178/molldinis-silver-pack-a-deck-of-even-more-things

A great battle took place at Site B23. After today's discoveries, I'm sure of it. There's evidence of significant arcane damage: scorching, electromagnetic interference, and some kind of other-worldly disturbance. The zealots tell me a pretty serious deity must have been present, or at least their avatar summoned, to leave marks like the ones we've discovered with our scanners. I'm excited to dig further and uncover more of this strange and powerful civilisation. - Archaeologist Danell's log, 2337 D ***** Our Kickstarter, inspired by this podcast, will be launching soon. Visit the link below to be notified when it goes live: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1220363178/molldinis-silver-pack-a-deck-of-even-more-things

What about 'Volo's Guide to Entertainment'? That may hurt my credentials as a serious explorer. Anyway, I think I should arrive at The Roost soon. I've heard interesting things. I'll give the place a chance to enthral me but I'm not going to force it. I've heard stories about the Eastern forest, too. - Volo's journal ***** Our Kickstarter, inspired by this podcast, will be launching soon. Visit the link below to be notified when it goes live: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1220363178/molldinis-silver-pack-a-deck-of-even-more-things

The Diary of R.S. They dream so small. They're using my discarded inventions as fuel. They could subjugate their local dimension with half the stuff I've chucked away. I suppose there's a reason I'm the inventor shark and they're the hack pilot fish. ***** Our Kickstarter, inspired by this podcast, will be launching soon. Visit the link below to be notified when it goes live: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1220363178/molldinis-silver-pack-a-deck-of-even-more-things

My faith in them may be misplaced. - Excerpt from an ancient manuscript. Language: unknown ***** Our Kickstarter, inspired by this podcast, will be launching soon. Visit the link below to be notified when it goes live: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1220363178/molldinis-silver-pack-a-deck-of-even-more-things

I'm considering a moustache. A large moustache. Although, it's quite warm around here. But, on the other hand, I am leaving soon. Anyway, back to business. I have enough content now to consider my next book title. Perhaps, 'Volo's Guide to Very Specific Things'? Or, 'Volo's Guide to Divination and Psychic Eavesdropping'? It's a bit long but more relevant, I suppose. - Volo's journal

The Diary of R.S. Why does this space spirit thing want my interdimensional travel formula so much? It seems to do a fair amount of dimension jumping on its own. Perhaps it consumes a lot of its energy doing so, it seemed quite tired the last time it tried to capture me. Note to self: avoid intergalactic rest stop bathrooms.

My time in Chult has been less profitable than expected but entertaining, certainly. The clairvoyant I mentioned in the previous chapter seems to have overheard someone or something speaking with their mind. The clairvoyant is a little mad, though so I'm not sure how reliable they are. They did seem to recall what the other voice said with startling accuracy, however, that has to be worth something.  - Volo's journal

I've been in this family-friendly eatery for...I don't know how long. Something about dying repeatedly has altered my perception of time. I no longer count days or nights, for there are neither here. I simply count the space between death and reluctant resurrection. The food is also terrible.  - Excerpt from writings on an ancient rag, thought to be for face cleaning. Discovered at site number 1832. Language: unknown.

"I believe my performance was convincing. It's been a while since I've needed to use illusion spells but they seemed to work, despite my lack of practise. I'm still not sure whether the errant creature we seek is behind all this, but there is undoubtedly something disrupting life-altering arcana in this area."    - Local clairvoyant's recollection of a psychic message they 'overheard' during meditation. Authenticity yet to be verified. Volo's journal.

They surprised me. Greatly surprised, even. Hopefully, they won't realise what it is. Why would they? As far as I've heard, it's useless if not used for its purpose. As my hopes increase, so do the risks. Much has changed. - Excerpt from an ancient manuscript. Language: unknown

The Diary of R.S. Okay, writing and reading my own thoughts is actually more stimulating than I expected. I've added some upgrades to this 'book', however. I don't know how regular people get by with just paper and pencil to record their ideas. I suppose they don't really have ideas on this scale, maybe cavemen tools are fine for capturing their 'innovations'. Either way, my miniature self is turning out to be quite clever in a diabolical sort of way; much like this entry, it beats the other performances I've seen in its category. 

I've become very good at throwing cards into hats. Perhaps my imagination is not as robust as it used to be. Surely I should be able to come up with something better to do? I have almost infinite options. I do enjoy looking down at a few of those groups of 'adventurers', although I hesitate to use such a competent term for them. Well, the term might be apt for one of the groups, maybe two. The rest of them are certainly...learning? I think I'll have a look and see what they're up to right now. - Excerpt from an ancient manuscript. Language: unknown

They have potential. I can feel it. If they manage to find it, I may finally be able to attempt to bring her back. It's risky, very risky. He will no doubt have some influence over the process but I must try. I may have to give them more specific instructions. They have potential but they're certainly not shining stars. Perhaps I'll pay them a visit. - Excerpt from an ancient manuscript. Language: unknown

The Diary of R.S. Why the hell do people waste time with diaries? This is pointless, that therapist commands the mental power of a single neuron with a sprained ankle. Hmm...what else, what else? I had several ideas for human immortality since I started writing this but I won't sully them by writing them down in this concession to mediocrity. Maybe I should check on my miniature self and see how he's getting on with the dungeon. Damn it! That was legitimate diary content!

When does a creation become a work of art? Is it when it is viewed? I've crafted epics quite literally on the world stage, but I may have to share credit with my trophy. Perhaps that's what is frustrating me: the adulteration of my work. But, it's difficult to consider traditional publishing when this option is available. - Excerpt from an ancient manuscript. Language: unknown

There are few areas I have not explored within this land. But, far to the east, there is a curtain of air I do not understand. It follows no contours of the land itself; it's unnaturally straight. I don't believe the Knife would be beyond that curtain, otherwise, the rumours would surely have said so. But, if no evidence of the blade surfaces soon, I shall have to investigate. Something about it feels unfamiliar, even after as long a life as I've had. - Excerpt from an ancient manuscript. Language: unknown

Is more control really what I want? No, I must not lose focus and disappear into a philosophical hole. My love, my one, my only: she must be my goal. No matter how small the chance. I may have to face him again but with the knife and his horn, I should surely be the victor again. - Excerpt from an ancient manuscript. Language: unknown

I fear my stories have fragmented this world. Or, at least, I would fear it if that sensation weren't all too rare these days. I look across the landscape and I see dramatically different societies, environments, and even weather patterns. I've no doubt forced the fabric of reality to stitch together some unusual things, but it all seems to be coming apart at the seams. - Excerpt from an ancient manuscript. Language: unknown

It's the moments of uncertainty I live for. I crave them if I'm honest with myself. I write and the Pencil interprets. Sometimes that translation is pretty true to my scribblings. Other times, the refreshingly unexpected happens. Sometimes, it's just a little deviation from my intentions. Other times, it's a grand adventure that comes out of nowhere. I can't decide whether it would be more enjoyable if everything was unexpected. But, then I'd have to give up my artistic influence over...things. - Excerpt from an ancient manuscript. Language: unknown

So long. It has been what feels like many ages since I added to this journal. I have influenced the laws of fate, chance, even extracted some consolation from the realm of death. But not the consolation I need. I must find the knife. All I have to go on is that it's small and not overly remarkable. My looters have recovered a large amount of admittedly interesting artefacts. But the knife may finally bring me within reach of my love.  - Excerpt from an ancient manuscript. Language: unknown

...Jasmine? I don't know if you're still able to receive these memos. I managed to escape the raid on our outpost. But I had to leave The Device behind. I think it still has your warning label on it so our people shouldn't mess with it if they find it. I've found a few members of my field team, they've got bad news: the missing samples of our new deck prototype haven't all been recovered yet. I know we're supposed to meet at the nearest outpost if a raid like this happens but I can't leave our prototypes out there. I'm going to take the remains of my team and track down the remaining prototype decks still in the wild. I know this breaks protocol, but, I hope you make it back safely... 

The drones have proven more effective than expected. Their organisation seemingly has roots everywhere, like a particularly tenacious weed, but at least I've expunged this latest outpost. They should be sufficiently distracted trying to regroup. Making the development of my plan a little easier. There are a few insects left to be crushed, but nothing the author of this mighty tome cannot accomplish.  - Excerpt from the Diary of Asmo Volume II

EMERGENCY MEMO Supervisor Jasmine, the drones have infiltrated, there are many more of them than usual. We're fighting them off in the lab right now. I've been unable to secure The Device, as it's in a part of the lab controlled by the enemy. I'm not sure how long we'll be able to keep them at bay, please send Zane and as much backup as possible. We- [Message corrupted]

Supervisor Jasmine, here is the compilation of recent recordings you asked for. As you can hear, our recruited group is performing well, whereas we're justified, I think, in waiting to onboard the others. I included the 'music' in this arcane storage tablet because some of my colleagues in the Monitoring department have been experimenting with playing this tune to incapacitate our enemies. - Galahad

Memo 33, Supervisor Jasmine, Group 6 seems to be investigating the monoliths we've found throughout Draab. Those inscribed with the quill and parchment symbol. Or, at least, that's what our experts believe the carving represents. We've had our suspicious regarding who's behind these stones, and I think we're going to get some more solid information if we follow Group 6 closely. During our many discussions on the topic, you know I believe A is behind them, but it can only benefit us to get confirmation and learn as much as we can. Because these monoliths may represent a challenge to our control of this plane. - Galahad

Memo 32, Supervisor Jasmine, our agents have investigated the city further and discovered a number of different groups of various sizes and interests roaming this city. We're hoping that one of them, including Group 2, may lead us to the greater power lurking somewhere in the area. The other groups don't seem impressionable enough for recruitment, they're more hardened and set in their ways. But this greater power is more tempting than another OEJ team to add to our roster, so, naturally, I've focussed our agents on following all the parties in the city. I'll convey more clues and information as I receive them. - Galahad

Memo 31, Supervisor Jasmine, as requested, we've sent this group of OEJs into the realm of our enemy. Our patron will be pleased with us for striking at the heart of their heresy. We should also double the protections around this outpost, the raids have become more frequent lately. And, there are aspects of my work that shouldn't be interrupted, or fall into the hands of others. - Galahad

Memo 30, Supervisor Jasmine, I hope my last update on this group has helpful for you and your family. We briefly lost sight of this group but we later realised that ventured underground. It seems to be an old Orc stronghold. And, there were indeed signs of A's ongoing plans. We feel he must be taking a greater than usual interest in them. If they keep A out of our way for a little longer then I say we delay onboarding them until later. Despite how appropriate they may be as candidates. - Galahad

Memo 29, Supervisor Jasmine, with Group 3's efforts and the rest of the OEJs, we're filling our quota in the deck department quite comfortably. We may need to instruct Jesse to at least prepare teams for adverse weather conditions if the sphere is going to take a long time to be repaired. Group 3 has also encountered a fletcher with some considerable skills. We should think about 'employing' her to equip our teams. Her products may lead to reduced retrieval times and overall efficiency improvements. - Galahad

Memo 28, Supervisor Jasmine, apologies for the delay in sending this memo. The powerful being I mentioned in my last update regarding Group 2, my agents report it doesn't appear to be present within the city but other lesser forces are still very much in play. Group 2 may accidentally serve a helpful purpose in assessing the nature of the beings in this area. - Galahad

Memo 27, Supervisor Jasmine, my apologies for the missing section of the recording, I hope my efforts help your daughter sleep. This group is becoming a more appealing prospect every day. I recommend we place them on increased surveillance. They also seem to be interfering with one of A's schemes but we're not certain. If true, it could be advantageous to leave them in the wild a while longer to see how much trouble they can cause for him. - Galahad

Memo 26, Supervisor Jasmine, I have two updates for you. Firstly, Group 3 appears to be accomplishing tasks quicker than anticipated, and, despite damage sustained to our sphere, they managed to reach their latest destination, give or take a few miles. Secondly, I've received reports from some of my agents that Group 1 has fallen victim to the consequences of one of our Flame cards. A clean-up crew is on their way to ensure no unflattering evidence lingers but it'll be a few days before they arrive. It's regrettable we wasted resources preparing Group 1 for onboarding but we'll take what we've learned to the recruitment team for adaptation. - Galahad