Broken to Brave

Once in a while, we do something that marks a “before” and “after.”  This list, for me, was one of those things. The defeated, desperate, broken person I was at the beginning is far from the determined, risk-taking, brave person who I became by number 50. And because the list never quite ended, I simply stopped counting, my progress continues and, a year and a half after completing the list, I’m finding bigger and better ways to challenge myself. This journey has come to a close, but our Patreon show will continue with Rob and myself discussing what our life has been like after number 50. We hope you will join us. Until then, thank you for listening and sharing this journey with me. I truly hope that you will make a list of your own and break through the fear that is holding you back.  Completing the list was scary, writing the posts, that would eventually become the podcast, was scary, recording each podcast was scary, but none of that came close to the insane courage and vulnerability required for me to get through the terror of doing number 50 on the list... I Shared My List.   If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

So much of my life has been spent worrying about what other people think. I stressed over what people would think of how I was dressed, my hair, my makeup or lack thereof, my weight, my shoes, whether the colors I was wearing suited my complexion. Does anyone remember when we had to know what “season” we were? There’s so much pressure to know what we’re doing. I opted out. I made myself as invisible as possible. I dressed in black. I wore clothes that hid my shape as much as possible. Stepping out and doing my hair, makeup, and outfit and going out in public with people who knew me was a risk I avoided at all costs so I knew it would eventually have to be faced which is how I found myself at number 49 on my list.... I drew attention to myself physically. 

When something is scary, we avert or close our eyes. We don’t watch. We don’t look at it. We close our eyes and wait for it to be over, right? Someone will take away the scary or gross thing, the scene in the movie will be over and you’ll be able to come out from under the blanket. So when I found out that what I feared most was about to be shown on a large screen in front of me, my first instinct was to close my eyes and wait for it to be over, but I didn’t. I challenged myself to face it and watch every second of it with my eyes fixed on the screen which is how I found myself doing number 48 on my list... I Watched the Live Feed at Take-Off and Landing If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

Is there anything scarier than approaching a group as an outsider? For me, in the moment, I couldn’t think of anything harder to do. They were having fun and in mid-conversation. All I could think about was, “What if I interrupt and they stare at me awkwardly? What if I’m not welcome?” Forcing my legs to move me across the street and my brain to be quiet despite my terror is what led to number 47 on the list... I approached a group of fans at the pole.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

I’ve spent my life hiding and so much of my list reflects that fact as I’ve repeatedly fought to break out of that pattern. It hasn’t gotten easier. I think some things have, the more I’ve been exposed to them, but not this. I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t push through my fear, yet again, and do number 46 on my list...talked to Gillian without a shield.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

Maybe it was the adrenaline rush and momentum from riding the London Eye because, not long after, I found myself deciding to attempt yet another height related challenge. Our Airbnb host told us where to find one of the best views of the city which is how I found myself white knuckling it as I faced my fear and did number 45 on the list...I went out on the deck of the viewing area at Tate Modern.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.    

I could have stayed on the bench. I could have been content with just getting on the ride. It was a big step. It could have been enough, but then I wouldn’t know if I was capable of more. I wouldn’t have seen the view which looked so very different from the window. I wouldn’t have a shared experience with Rob and Molly, and I was really tired of the disconnect that comes when you live trapped in fear and anxiety. So I got off the bench and forced myself to do number 44 on the list... I stood at the window.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.    

I have always been terrified of heights. I don’t like rides that go up in the air. I’m also afraid of drowning. I’m not a good swimmer and I have asthma which adds another layer of anxiety for me. The one absolute I had when we were planning our trip to London was that I would not be riding the London Eye. Rob and Molly could go on together and I would wait for them safely on the ground where I belong. As soon as we approached it, though, I knew I couldn’t fall back into my old patterns. I knew I had to face my fear of heights and my fear that the ride was above water which is how I found myself doing number 43 on the list... I rode the London Eye.    If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.    

It seems there are endless ways to numb out these days. We don’t have to look very far for ways to distract ourselves. The problem is that it only prolongs the inevitable. We have to feel the feelings eventually whether we like it or not. This was the last layer of the work I had been doing throughout this list. Notice it, name it, feel it, and let it go was working to a point, but I seemed to get stuck and/or prolonged the process or wanted to dull the residual pain with “treats” for having endured difficult feelings. Working the entire process and not reaching for my crutches, for the first time, was number 42 on my list... I didn’t numb out.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

Tattoos are a way of marking a moment or a feeling or an event. They tell a portion of our story. They are a visual reminder and I desperately needed a visual reminder that I am safe. That I can let go. To pick up that pen and write. Sounded easy enough until I remembered that to get that visual reminder I must first allow someone to inject my skin with ink and a needle. Facing my fear of both of those things is what led me to number 41 on my list...got tattoos.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

When you struggle with anxiety and/or social phobia it is very easy to avoid certain tasks or situations and let someone else do them for you. It seems helpful at the moment and it can be hard to see the downside. For me, the downside was that my life was getting smaller and smaller and my self-esteem was eroding more and more each time I avoided a task. That’s why I knew I had to face my fear head-on and challenge myself to do number 40 on the list... I pumped gas.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

I am surrounded by people who live to get their pictures taken. They do photoshoots for fun. I am not one of those people. I’ve always hated getting my picture taken and struggle with the vulnerability that comes with being “seen.” When we produced a fan event for C2E2, I never in a million years thought that it would end up on my list. We had done close to 200 live events at that time so I didn’t think there would be any surprises, yet there I was facing one of my worst fears as I did number 39 on my list... Let an artist draw my face.   

I struggled with perfectionism for much of my life. I have improved a lot over the years, but not when it comes to my writing. Sharing my early writing is something I only do with Rob and Molly. I don’t let others see it until it is more complete...more polished. I was even more nervous about this particular work because it was my first time writing fiction. I was writing about a girl who lost her father. Grief is always hard, but grief for children is even harder so I wanted to write a story that illustrates the difference. When my friend asked if I’d show him what I’d written so far and my initial reaction was to run, I knew I had to face that fear head-on. I went home, sat at the computer, tamped my fear down, and, with a very shaky hand, pressed send and did number 38 on the list... shared my first draft with someone.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

So often I have kept my life small by avoiding situations that scared me. The only way out of that pattern is to root out where you are still stuck and push through the fear. Sometimes you need to follow the path to its conclusion and other times, like this one, just going through the steps and being willing to try is enough. There are far scarier items on my list, but what I keep getting reminded of is that it’s the seemingly insignificant baby steps that often bring about the most change. That’s why number 37 is on my list... attempted to go to the gym on a Saturday.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

I have always tried to control my environment in order to feel safe. I don’t like to even go to a restaurant without reading everything on their menu. I don’t like surprises and I sure as hell don’t like to do anything without knowing the rules and what to expect. Learning as I go? God no. Which is why number 36 on my list is so significant... I beta’d.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

Sometimes things ended up on my list because I pushed through tremendous fear to achieve them and then there are times like this where the list takes on a mind of its own. I was gaining so much confidence by this point that I was jumping in before the fear had a chance to stop me. The act of staying with it and not bailing when this happened was where I fought through the fear and held strong as I waited for the results of doing number 35 on my list...Volunteered to be a guest on a podcast I didn’t know. If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

I’ve always hated to make or receive phone calls. I’m sometimes okay once they get started, depending on the person and the reason for the call. More often than not, however, I end up talking over the person or having awkward silences. Video calls make it worse... well, because they’re video. I mean let’s face it there’s way too much to deal with there on top of the already awkward phone call. There are also lag problems that cause me all sorts of issues. It has always been so much easier for me to convince someone else to make the call for me...by someone, I mean Rob...but not this time. This time I sucked it up, dialed the number, and connected to number 34 on my list...made a phone call. If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

One of the hardest things for me to face on this journey was the loss of my playful side. I used to be fun and I wanted it back so I took a chance. I was so scared that it was gone completely, but I pushed through the fear, put on a thousand pieces of clothing, and went outside to do number 33 on the list... played in the snow.  My podcast about my year of living dangerouslyIf you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

Sometimes an idea is planted and we allow the door to open just a crack. We allow ourselves to think, “What if?” Or “Maybe that could work for me, too.” And sometimes it takes on a life of its own and becomes more than we ever dared imagine. This was one of those times. I cracked open that door and then I took a huge leap of faith and landed right on number 32...bought tickets to a play in London.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

I’ve always been jealous of people who could use sleep as an escape. Sleep, for me, has always been a struggle. I wanted it to be a time of peace and rest, but it was often the opposite. Hypervigilance, fear, and anxiety were my constant nighttime companions as I waited for morning to come. Night terrors and nightmares plagued me most of my life and now we're opening up a memory I didn’t want to relive which was why it was so important I face that fear and do number 31 on my list...worked on my sleep habits. If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

Some of the items are very straightforward and there’s a clear reason it’s on the list. For this one, there are so many reasons. I had to get past the financial fears, taking resources for myself, going somewhere alone, wearing workout clothes in public, and on and on which is why I did number 30 on the list... Rejoined the Gym.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

Grief is brutal. Just when you think you’re through the worst part and are back on your feet, a wave hits and you’re swept back in the water. I avoided going back because I didn’t want to relive that horrible experience the day my dad died. I didn’t want to relive the days that followed. I didn’t want to feel my mom’s loneliness and pain on top of my own at a time where I was barely hanging on. I didn’t want her silence. I didn’t want a cold shoulder. But what I did want was closure and peace and the only way to reach that was by doing number 29 on my list...I Went back.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

One of the harshest realities that I have ever had to face is that sometimes we are born into a family we don’t belong in. Sometimes we stay longer than perhaps we should have because we so desperately want to make it not be so. There are so many more opportunities to fix it, right? Maybe if I just do this one thing they will see my value. Yet, they never do. I lost way too many years fighting to be seen by people who were determined to not see me. At this point, I had walked away from all of them except for my mom. I knew I couldn’t heal by avoiding our strained relationship so this led me to number 28 on the list... Called My Mom.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

As hard as some of the items on my list have been, it’s times like these that really made me question why I ever started this project! I was making progress, by once again getting paid, so I could see how the list was changing me and changing our lives, but I was seriously beginning to question why I was such a glutton for punishment and torturing myself by doing things like number 27 on the list... acted in a commercial. If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

I listened to the tape recorder in my head that repeated what my abusers used to tell me. As a result, I allowed the voices of the people who surrounded me and truly loved me to be drowned out. My therapist had me do an exercise where I asked people to tell me my most positive qualities in order for me to realize that what I had been hearing and believing wasn’t true about me. It was their insecurity, jealousy, etc. projected onto me. This was an absolutely terrifying exercise. It was embarrassing and personal and awkward. I knew I had to do it in order to heal and that’s how I found myself doing number 26 on my list... Accepted Positive Personal Feedback.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.  

I had a lot to overcome to accomplish this step. I had tremendous guilt about taking/using resources whether that was material goods, money, time, etc. I was stuck in a scarcity mindset. I also held myself to a standard that I would never expect others to live up to, yet I expected myself to do it no matter the cost. I forced myself to “do it all.” I believed that letting others help me meant that I was weak and a failure. How wrong I was! This is why I challenged myself to do number 25 on my list... Accepted Help. If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

Agreeing to do something and actually doing it are two very different things. I have always excelled at the first one but often bailed before getting to the second one. I was afraid of not being able to deliver. I was afraid of being held accountable for the outcome. I was simply afraid. This time I was determined to follow through, put my name on a project, and be present in the process as I did number 24 on the list... Assistant Directed.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

I had a lot of misguided beliefs about money. Those beliefs kept me from seeing my worth and caused me to devalue myself. This spilled over into every aspect of my life and destroyed my self-esteem. Taking this step was imperative for my health and well-being. I knew I could not move forward until I challenged those beliefs, but first I had to step into my fear and do number 23 on the list... Allowed Myself to Get Paid.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

My pattern was to agree to something or sign up for something and then panic and back out. I battled the anxiety of not knowing what I was getting into, not knowing if I would have a person I could rely on when I was there, whether I would do a good job at whatever it was, etc. This step was truly me going in blind knowing I would not have a safety net. I didn’t back out. I didn’t allow my anxiety to talk me out of it. I went all in and did number 22 on the list... Volunteered to be a Beta For Fan Fiction. If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

By this point in my journey, I was realizing how taking these steps had released me from so much of my generalized anxiety. I was doing things without overthinking. I was calmer. I was breezing through parts of my day that would have normally derailed me. I felt lighter. I felt like I was on the verge of becoming someone I never imagined I could be. Pushing through the fear of standing out and engaging in a world I’ve always hidden from is what led me to number 21 on the list... Connected  With My Fandom on Tumblr.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

Music has always been my lifeline. There are songs that saved my life, songs that gave me strength, songs that made me feel I could take on the world, songs that gave me hope or gave me a voice or gave me validation and songs that made me feel understood and seen. So for me to get a chance to talk about music that impacted my life...yeah, sign me up. Except this was going to be recorded and broadcast. What was I thinking? Well, I wasn’t thinking. I was closing my eyes and jumping into number 20 on my list...volunteered to be interviewed on a podcast about music that was important to me.    If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

I struggle with taking resources from my family for something that is just for me. That’s how I found myself at 50 with a lifetime of unresolved trauma. Thankfully, through intervention by a friend, I had that stumbling block removed and no longer had a barrier to getting help. The hardest part, however, was still to come. Baring my soul to a total stranger and facing the events that brought me so much pain was why Got Therapy is number 19 on my list...   If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

It may be apparent after 16 episodes that I struggle the most with feeling my feelings.  This exercise I learned in the WE book challenged me to push myself to the next level. It helped me so much that it’s a practice that I still use in my day to day life when I fall back into old patterns and find myself avoiding feelings. It was quite scary for me to stop using crutches I’d relied on...especially when I believed that they were keeping me safe. They weren’t. They were keeping me stuck. So here’s how I stopped the behavior with number 18...Noticed it, named it, felt it, let it go.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

It’s very hard to break behavior patterns, especially ones that are lifelong and steeped in dysfunction. For me, guilt and fear would keep me coming back to situations, and people, which were extremely unhealthy and unsafe. I was determined to break this pattern so when the next opportunity arose I used my tools, I said no, and I didn’t get sucked in. This is episode 15 number 17 on the list.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

I was conditioned to believe that accepting praise or a compliment meant that I was full of myself or had an overinflated sense of self. In order to accomplish this number on my list, I had to override my negative beliefs, my desire to deflect or diminish the praise being offered, and my fear of ridicule. This, more than any other item on my list thus far, is one that I ended up mastering and I am so grateful to have learned the skill of number 16 on my list...Accepted Praise.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

Speaking in front of a crowd to do a keynote address wasn’t enough, apparently. I decided to challenge myself by also hosting/emceeing the event which meant introducing each set. It wasn’t pretty and there were plenty of mistakes along the way, but I lived to tell about it...this is number 15 on my list: Hosted An Event.    If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

With all the fears I’ve had in my life, I don’t think there was one that rivaled my fear of public speaking. Facing this fear head-on was absolutely terrifying and it took the most prep of any of my other steps so far. I had to get through the fear of putting my words and story on paper. I had to get through the fear of being filmed. I had to get through the ongoing fear of judgment and ridicule. This step took months of work and I had to learn to sit in the fear it evoked in me and employ and exhaust every last tool at my disposal. I did it. It wasn’t pretty and I didn’t feel better when it was over. But I sure as hell did it. Number 14 on the list...Gave a Keynote Address.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

Sometimes the path to healing involves a game show, a microphone, and publicly failing...in front of a live audience and on multiple live streams. You know you’re on the right track when making a fool of yourself is no longer the thing you fear the most. I was much more scared, at this point, of not trying. Number 13 on my list...Attempted to Host a Game Show.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

Finding beauty in the world around me helped me to see the beauty in myself. It taught me to see that broken is beautiful, that cracks in us won't be restored, and that we can't go back to what we once were, yet we can create something even better.  We can become strong in our broken places and beauty can come up through the cracks. It taught me that when we allow ourselves the grace we extend to others, we find healing. This is number 12 on my list... Found Beauty in All Things.   If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

There is something so empowering about challenging yourself to do something and not choosing the easy path. I could have participated and chosen someone that would have been a better match or someone who would have taken it easy on me. In choosing the biggest challenge, I gained more confidence, proved to myself that I'm capable of doing hard things, and afterward felt like I could take on the world. This is number 11 on my list... I Dueled.   If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

By now, I was starting to realize how much I kept myself back from really living. Trying to be invisible takes a lot of work and it’s exhausting. My fear of ridicule and judgment caused me to avoid and, therefore, miss out on so many moments throughout my day to day life. Instead, I was left with shame and disappointment. Pushing through that was so healing and I am quite grateful for #10 on my list...Put on costumes and allowed myself to be part of the story.  If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

I've never been one to do things without overthinking, planning every detail, and considering every possible outcome. It was always easier to get someone else to just do it for me. This time I didn't allow myself to think. I just seized the opportunity and that's how I found myself at number 9 on the list... Volunteered To Be In A Documentary. If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

I've let so many opportunities pass me by because I wanted to be invisible.  I was always too afraid of ridicule or judgment.  I knew, this time, that I could not let that fear rob me of this opportunity. I pushed through the fear and I jumped in with both feet right into number eight on the list... Publicly Fangirled. If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

I spent my adulthood saying no to so many things because I was afraid I would look stupid or because I was ashamed of my body. This was a huge turning point for me.  I was putting myself on display doing something I’m not good at while wearing something that made me vulnerable. This is number 7 on the list… Played Volleyball in My Bathing Suit. If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

When you are raised in chaos and have no safety net, you develop tools to survive. One of the tools I used was to attempt to control as much as I could to minimize the damage. Controlling my feelings was especially important and I excelled at it. This number on the list was about unlearning the very thing that had helped me survive for 50 years. This is number 6 on the list... When It Rains, Let It. If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

When I found myself at this step of the journey, I was still avoiding the pain and doing my best not to acknowledge my triggers. I would act out. I was holding on so tight to the fear that I couldn’t move forward so I had to let go and get still and quiet and just sit in it. This is number 5 on the list... Let Go. If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

I spent my life avoiding pain. I’d dissociate. I’d escape into worlds I created in my head. I was so scared to let myself feel the feelings because I thought they would consume me. Taking this step was terrifying and necessary. This is number 4 on the list... felt the pain. If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

This is where my journey to bravery began.  To break out of my fear and heal my life, I challenged myself to do 50 brave things in one year (my 50th). It wasn't easy. Trauma needed to be healed and fears had to be overcome. In this episode, I share the first three numbers on my list. If you enjoyed this episode and want to dig deeper into each story, my husband Rob and I do an exclusive companion podcast on my Patreon page.  We give further background into the story and include the spouse's perspective.  Each one of these episodes averages 45 minutes to an hour. Find the link below. Patreon @brokentobrave I also share different content across my social media channels and at my blog on the website.   Podcast Broken to Brave on Libsyn WebsiteBrokenToBrave.com Facebook @BrokentoBravePodcast Twitter @broken2brave Please rate and review Broken to Brave wherever you listen to this podcast. It truly helps others find the show and hopefully can help others, like myself, to become braver in their own lives and to heal.

Southgate Media Group is proud to introduce the most personal podcast it's ever presented. Broken to Brave follows the journey Martha W Southgate throughout her 50th year to regain control of her life.