Dark and Enlightened

Hi. I know it's been a while, but I was away for good reason.  My husband joins me for this one as we recount the last 7 months that I've been away from recording.  This episode truly revolves around our dogs, Gus and Tuco. We discuss pet grief and I give the case for why losing a dog (or pet) should carry the same weight as the loss of a person. We cry. We ramble. I didn't edit this episode to make it nice and neat because I don't have the energy and grief isn't nice and neat.  So, apologies for all the filler words and silences. Hope you enjoy our rambling.***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

Today's episode is a little different in the order I talk about things, so lemme know what you think of the different format. I talk with my friend, Nikki Fordey, about her career in social work. We discuss her specific area of social work and talk about what exactly does social work encapsulate. We then pivot the discussion to growing up, being somewhat of a medical mystery, due to issues she was experiencing and her eventual diagnosis of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. We talk about a lot of other stuff in between, but this is such a great conversation and I learned a lot. Hope you do too!***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

Buckle up for a Bingo card full of trauma (LOLZ for my dark humor people).  I have a really great conversation with my friend, Clarissa O'Neill, about the various things that she has gone through in her life. Here is a big trigger warning: there is discussion of child abuse, self harm, suicide, sexual assault, rape, and substance use. Clarissa also talks about her time in the Army Reserve and how substance use impacted everything in her life. I hope you enjoy our conversation and you get something out of it.***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

It's an end of the year reflection episode with my baby sissy, Alison Kane! There's been a lot of dark topics lately, so wanted to lighten it up and have a chat with Alison about all sorts of stuff: how work impacts how we live our lives (and view our worth), our never-ending quest for perfection, how random shit in our childhood affects how we view things today, and more. No super heavy stuff today cause it's the start of the year and we should start with SOME light stuff :) Hope you enjoy our convo!***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

On today's episode, I get to switch roles and ask all the questions to my life coach! Maureen Scanlon is my AMAZING life coach and I have a very open and candid conversation with her about her life. Trigger warning: there is discussion of domestic violence, along with psychological abuse (not just physical abuse). I already had a ton of love and respect for Maureen before, but after hearing her story, I am honored I get to call her my life coach. For more information about her coaching and her books, please visit her website at https://lifecoachmaureen.com/***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

I'm issuing a trigger warning for people today, as this convo goes into the topics of self harm, suicidal attempt/ideation, and mention of sexual assault. This episode has a LOT of layers to it and there is more that we discuss than what's above, but I have a very deep conversation with my friend, Jordan Scott, about some of the adversity she has faced in her life.  Here are some of the things (in addition to the above) that we touch on: her childhood as a Jehovah's Witness, her exposure to chaotic substance use at an early age, her time in a psychiatric hospital (where she was misdiagnosed), the loss of her brother to an overdose, and living with fibromyalgia. And that's just a snapshot of what we talk about, so you gotta just listen to hear her story. And don't call her resilient cause she will tell you to eat her ass. LOLZ. Ok enjoy the episode!

My friend, Stephanie Brown, is back with me to give an update on her grief journey and the changes she has made in her life! If you haven't heard our episodes together, go listen to The Story of Boom. Then listen to Signs from the Beyond. THEN listen to this one to fully understand the 180 that has occurred here. She is such an inspiration to me and I am so proud of all the work she has done for herself. Hope you enjoy this convo.***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

This episode is packed with a LOT, so get yourself a little beverage, a snackie, and settle in. I interview my friend, Jason Rudeen, who is one of the co-hosts of The Way Out Podcast. Jason is someone who is in recovery and has gone through a lot of shit to get there. I am giving a big trigger warning for people that there is discussion of sexual molestation/abuse (as a child and an adult), along with very open conversation about drug use that began when he was just a kid. Jason's story is unlike any I have ever heard before and to hear where he is now is unbelievable. I hope you enjoy this episode and you go check out The Way Out Podcast. ***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

I AM BACK, BABY! A lot has happened in the last couple of months and I catch you up on all of it - from quitting my Corporate America job to codependency to my new medium to my fears of no longer considering myself an independent woman. This is all a catch up episode with my honorary guest host and husband, Jordan. Good to be back in it and I hope you don't mind my rambling update.***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

This is the season finale, people! And I completely forgot to say my normal spiel in the beginning and I noticed that while editing, so good job to me--I finally forgot it. If you have made it this far though, you know what you're getting into. For the finale, Jordan is back with me and we talk about sex--the ultimate taboo topic. We keep it real and talk about how being married with no kids doesn't automatically equal hot romps in the sack all the time. However, we have incorporated a 30 day challenge into our marriage and maybe you will as well. I don't know when I will be back, but I will keep you updated along the way. I am eternally grateful for all of you who have listened this whole season and spent hours of your life with me. I love you so damn much. I'll be back. Ok....bye.***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

This episode is a good one, people! We have discussed PTSD in the past and each time, we talked about how we used to only think that PTSD was something people in the military dealt with. We know now that anyone with ANY trauma can suffer from PTSD, but this is my first conversation with someone in the military with PTSD. Sergeant Major Rick Ojeda is in the Marines and he has done numerous combat deployments. However, a deployment to Afghanistan in 2011 had long term effects on him, which resulted in PTSD. I hope you enjoy our conversation and learn something new. P.S. Here is the link to the video we talk about in the interview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBrT-BbAj-k***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

Have you ever lost use of your arm for a couple of months? What about double vision in one eye? Or maybe a 3 month long migraine? Well, these are all things that my friend, Brandon Gazard, has experienced in his Multiple Sclerosis flare ups. Brandon was diagnosed in 2007 with Relapsing-remitting MS. This is the first time Brandon has talked in depth about his disease to anyone, so I appreciate him trusting me with his story. I hope hearing a different account of how MS can affect the body can help really emphasize how annoying and unique autoimmune diseases are.***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

This is an extremely enlightening episode for me, as I learned so much from my amazing friend, Sora Iriye. I mention in the beginning that it is so hard for me to sum Sora up in a short, succinct way because she is so many amazing things, but I just went to her IG and the profile description she created sums her up better than I could. Sora is a Japanese-American, Disabled/Disfigured, Neuroqueer activist, writer, speaker, model, and circus artist (see, told you it's a bunch of amazing). We discuss a lot of this, along with generational trauma, racism, religion, the pandemic--it's an info packed episode. I hope you enjoy it. If you would like to see more resources on facial equality, please check out: https://faceequalityinternational.org/resources/***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

The title says it all: this is a filler episode. Sometimes, I need a break from all the heavy shit to decompress and this is that episode. There is still some deeper discussion, as my husband, Jordan, is chatting with me, but it goes from discussion of self confidence and worth to why I don't blame Aaron Burr for challenging Alexander Hamilton to a duel. This episode is all over the place, but hopefully, you enjoy it.***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

I am starting with a very big trigger warning to everyone--for me, this is the darkest topic I have covered. I talk with a friend (who wishes to remain anonymous) about her experience with sexual assault.  Sadly, this is something that happened to her more than once and she discusses how these events affected her. I am incredibly proud of her for speaking up because this is the first time in her life she has ever gone through this detail with anyone, so I thank her a million times over for trusting me with her story. I hope you take something away from this.***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

We're getting spooky today, people. OK, not really spooky, but kinda weird. My friend, Stephanie Brown, is back and in my studio (aka my office) and we are discussing signs from the beyond. Our brothers know how to keep in touch and boy, do they send all the signs. Stephanie is the only person I know who gets these signs as frequently as I do. She is the one person I can talk to about this in depth, so it's a normal convo for us, but may be weird for you. We also discuss what we think happens when you die, reincarnation, and all sorts of random stuff. Hope you can have an open mind to this stuff if it's normally not your cup of tea and if you still don't believe us.....well, whatever. You do you, boo and we'll keep enjoying the weirdness. ***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

This is my longest episode ever, but there was SO much to discuss and unpack, so lots of time was needed. Today, I talk to my friend, Crystal Storey, about how events in your life can lead to PTSD and you may not even realize it. Crystal discusses her experience with miscarriage, then finally having a child who has a condition that is the 2nd documented case in medical history. And while this is going on, her father passes away. Then most recently, her husband had to have emergency heart surgery to do a quintuple bypass. Yes, that is 5. She has endured so much and yet the outlook she has on things is absolutely inspiring.  Just a trigger warning: there is discussion and details around her miscarriages and her daughter's health that may be graphic for some, so just a heads up. Hope you enjoy our conversation and take something away from it.***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

I have my amazing sister, Alison Kane, back on the podcast to discuss her journey with PCOS. The conversation then pivots to one about weight issues and our insecurities around it. It's a very candid discussion about all the womanly type things, so I totally get it if you dudes out there don't check this episode out. Or maybe check it out and get some weird secret insider look into the world of periods and weight issues. Hope you enjoy the episode!***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

So, my husband, Jordan, and I discussed our mental health issues a few episodes back on We're Both Struggling (if you haven't listened to that one, go back and listen to that before listening to this one). On this episode, we give an update on a lot of things--are the meds working? Do we feel better? Are there side effects? Are we gonna have kids now? All sorts of info is talked about in this loosey goosey style episode. I hope you enjoy it and you get something out of it. Even if it's just to look up Cinnamon Toast Shrimp Tails or now you're gonna go binge watch Grey's Anatomy cause we won't shut up about it.***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

Today, I have another grief episode for you, but it's not from a sibling perspective--it is from a parent perspective. My friend, Pattie Vargas, lost her son, Joel around Thanksgiving in 2017. She talks about Joel and how different grief has been for her. As a side note, she is an amazingly strong woman and she has a great blog, The Resilient Journey, that you should check out (https://theresilientjourney.net). My favorite post is entitled White Space. I hope you enjoy the conversation that we have and you take something away from it. ***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

IT'S PISCES SEASON, PEOPLE! As your self appointed Pisces Queen, I welcome you to this glorious season. We're kicking March off with a great conversation with my friend, Mike Policar, about his chronic back pain. Mike's pain began in his late 20s and he discusses his journey on trying to find a way to manage his pain and still enjoy his life. Additionally, Mike hosts his own podcast called Go Out and Live, which you should totally check out cause his episodes are only like 15 minutes long, compared to my Lord of the Rings style episodes. Hope you enjoy this conversation!***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

This episode is going live on February 15th, which is my brother's birthday. Marc would have 32 this year. I have my sister, Alison Kane, back to discuss memories that we have of Marc. Initially, we wanted this to be a nice, feel good episode of all the good times we had with Marc and celebrate him. However, by the end, it gets all dark again and everything sucks because he is not here with us. You might get bored cause you're just hearing two sisters reminisce on their brother and that's ok--we really wanted to do this episode for us and Marc. If you happen to listen, it's just a huge bonus and we appreciate you choosing to spend your time listening to us ramble :)***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

Schizophrenia. Substance Use Disorder. Multiple Sclerosis. All of these things on their own are tough to manage, but what if one person has all three of these conditions? Is that possible? Yes, yes it is. My friend, Tammie Lyons-Price, explains what it is like to live with all of it. She has never discussed this before with any people outside of family, close friends, and her therapist, so I am incredibly grateful for her vulnerability and her story. We also discuss the loss of her father and the importance of kindness. It's such a great, honest conversation and I hope you enjoy it.***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

My husband, Jordan, is back with me for another episode, but we're talking about some stuff that we are currently dealing with: recent mental health revelations. I discuss my recently diagnosed PTSD, anxiety, and depression, while Jordan discusses his recently diagnosed ADHD. It is a lot for us to try and figure out, while trying to manage everything else in life, so we're both struggling. We're used to one of us being able to help pick the other up if one is down, but we're both kinda down right now, sitting around, trying to figure out how to get up. There's plenty of floor space, so hope you come sit with us for a bit and listen to our convo about it all.***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

This week, I have a conversation with my friend, Stephanie Brown, about her brother, Jason aka Boom. Stephanie lost Boom over a year ago due to liver and kidney failure, related to alcohol use. The convo was originally supposed to be centered around her grief, but as the conversation went on, it ended up being centered around Boom and his life. As dark as it sounds, I hope you enjoy hearing about him. Thank you Stephanie for hopping into the deep end of the feels pool and letting us in.***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

I have alluded to this for many moons now and I am finally talking about it: my autoimmune disease. However, instead of droning on about it by myself for 2 hours, I switch it up a little bit. My husband, Jordan, interviews me about how my ITP (immune thrombocytopenia purpura) all began to how it is now. You'll probably learn a lot more about platelets and steroids than you ever wanted to, but that's ok because knowledge is power :)***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

The title is intended to be very nondescript because I am going the opposite approach of most podcasts and I'm not giving you the background or ending to this story. I interviewed one of my oldest friends, Halley Valentine, about her life and some of the challenges she has faced--most notably, her alcoholism. We have a very candid and honest conversation about a few stigmatized topics on top of that. I really hope you all enjoy and that her story resonates with you! ***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

I'm 36. I'm married. I have no children. So, clearly there's something wrong with me? Well, that's a loaded question. There are many couples out there in the married, no children, and currently not trying box for a variety of reasons. Today, I discuss why it's so complicated with a special guest--my husband, Jordan Brown. We get into some really deep shit and a very intimate look into our relationship. I know I talk more than Jordan, but I am the better story teller between us, so sorry if I sound like a convo hog. Also, because my anxiety won't drop it: I mentioned using a Sony Handycam in my college years--it was actually a Sony Cybershot. No one probably cares about this clarification, but me and my anxiety do, so back off. We hope you enjoy the insider look into our lives.***I would love to hear your feedback on the podcast so far! If you love it, please e-mail me at jaclyn@darkandenlightened.com or follow me on Instagram at @darkandenlightened. If you hate it, well....take it easy on me. Or please just stop hating it and start loving it. Either or.

This was a tough one to record, but it needed to be done. I guess you could call this the prequel to the grief episode and I talk about substance use disorder. I give a high level overview of it and then I discuss my personal experience with it when my brother, Marc, was going through it. Obviously I cry a bunch because it's some stuff I haven't thought about or talked about in a while, so it conjures up all the feels. If this episode changes your view on substance use disorder EVEN tiny amount in the less stigma direction, I'll consider that a win in my book.

**I spoke in 3rd person when I posted my podcast and trailer description, but that felt really weird because I'm not The Rock and this isn't the WWE, so I'm going back to first person**This is the first OFFICIAL episode of Dark and Enlightened! In this episode, I am discussing grief. I lost my brother, Marc, on November 16, 2018. Grief can be a very lonely journey, so instead of talking about this alone, I interview the one person in the entire world who knows EXACTLY what it is like to have Marc as her brother: my baby sissy, Alison Kane. We discuss things that we have never talked about before regarding our grief and as the episode goes on, it becomes very evident how different our grief journeys have been. And guess what? That's ok cause grief is different for everyone--even siblings. Don't let the length of the episode deter you! This is some heavy, raw, real stuff and it's about our brother, so there was no way I would ever cut down this conversation. So, grab a glass of milk and a bag of cookies (Marc's favorite snack combo) and enjoy our pain.

Jaclyn gives a summary of what Dark and Enlightened is all about.