The Musings Of An Angry Woman

I'm just gonna tap in on what I shared yesterday. I don't want any misunderstanding when I mean fake it for your kids. I just want to stress the fact that if you make the conscious decision in staying in a toxic environment, then you better fake it during the holidays because all children deserve a postcard worthy Christmas. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

As we grow older we start to realize the magic of the holiday doesn't come from gifts, but from the mood. Christmas is a mood. That is what we try to pass on year after year to our friends and family. The feeling of being loved. The feeling of being surrounded by laughter and smiles. The gratitude we feel in experiencing another year with people that make us feel at peace. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

We all need that one place where we can gather with our people and relax after a long day. We pick and choose the people and places that make us feel good. The small-town atmospheres that are getting rarer by the day. When you walk through the door it feels like coming home. We need to keep these places alive. It's sad when they close their doors. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

There's always those few men that feel attacked by a strong woman who can see through their bullshit. They like to throw out the manhater word every time you stick up for yourself. Let me describe to you my likes and dislikes in a man so that there is no more confusion... seriously.

Change is in the air. For the better. I know men that accredit their partners in their success, while helping any way they can in raising their children. But they are few. I admire women who do it all. Who do it without thanks. Who do it without any reward whatsoever, because they love their family. And still find time to climb the ladder in the workplace. Resilient in their quest for their American Dream. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

Stop crossing back over that bridge that leads you to despair. You will never get where you're going if you keep returning to what hurts you. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

Have you ever been called a bitch? I'll tell you why, and why is a good thing. Get it girl! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

Instead of asking, "Why me?" Maybe we need to ask, "Why not me?" The answer to your problem my lie within you. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

True friendship is a gift. We are born into this world with no choices. When we reach adulthood, it is our job to seek out the life we hoped for as a child. Finding the right people to share your new life with. Be selective in your choices. Real friends are irreplaceable. Cherish every one of them. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

My take on the "Just Let Them" movement. Ummmm...NOT! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

You can not, and will not find peace in any area of your life if your brain and heart aren't on the same path. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

We are all told how fast time flies, but we never believe it until we get older. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

This week has been a week of loss on many levels for some. We've all experienced a loss in our lives. For some of us, it makes us appreciate life even more, and for others, it brings us to our knees. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

I don't know about you, but looking back on some of the friends that I made while in a toxic relationship makes me so thankful I got out when I did. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

Be who you say you are. Be the product you're trying to sell others. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

Wishing never got anything done. I wasted so many years waiting for the stars to take care of my shit. Not any more. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

For years I have allowed other people in my life to dictate my every move. I have allowed them control of my daily planner. Enough is enough! You are not selfish for scheduling some alone time. You are not selfish for saying NO! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

I recently had a birthday, and I am amazed at how people are more infatuated with how you look for your age than actually the things that you've accomplished during your lifetime. I don't give a fuck how I look. I'm not trying to pick anybody up or trying to get my picture published in a fashion magazine. I want to be remembered for more than my face. If you only knew what this face has survived. If you could see the crevices created by tears. The laugh lines created by all the fun I've had. I wish my face did tell my story. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

There are two kinds of people in this world, and I think I described them pretty well in this episode. Don't fall into the "bitcher" category. Become a fixer. You'll find it an exhilarating alternative. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

I get so tired of being labelled. All women are this and all women are that. Well here's what's up... --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

I am happy to say that I am on my way to a more content, beautiful, and happy life. And all of it is because of me and my love, that I show myself every day. All talk and no action will get you nowhere with me. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

You know, I've been sitting on a lot of things lately. I've written 2 books, I started a blog, I've had this Podcast for the last 2 plus years... But it seems I'm only making money for other people. I put it in the hard work and somebody else gets rich. Well, this is the year, I say, it's time to get paid! Why should I limit myself? Why should I reap the benefits from all the hard work that I put in? No, it's not selfish. No, I'm not greedy. I just want to start taking care of myself. It's time for me. Please subscribe if you agree. I'm a poet and I don't know it... --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/paula-julson/support

Let's see how many chances I can fuck up my life and dig myself out of a hole I dug for myself. Here I go again trying to gain back my life after I willingly let someone else try to destroy it. I hope you learn from this Podcast not to ever, ever, ever go back. I don't care what they promise you... they are lying and sooner than later you will have to escape and start over again. Don't put yourself through it. You will always be better off alone than with someone determined to make your life miserable.

I just thought I'd give you a heads up on what I've been up to for the past several months. I fell back into my rut expecting things to be different. I gave what I knew would be horrible another chance. Trust your instincts. No matter how many times you want things to work out, sometimes they are just not meant to and you need to just walk away and let it go. We've all made mistakes like this. And it's hard starting over, but somehow we remember how and move on. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

Have you ever heard the phrase "opposites attract"? Although true, they never really last long in a relationship. I feel success comes in surrounding yourself with like-minded people with whom you have something in common. How do you expect to get where you want to be surrounded by people too afraid to take the steps to better themselves? We sit around and listen to them complain and b**** about their lives, yet they do nothing to better it. They blame other people for their current situations. They argue their case daily. They gossip and spread slander about those they are jealous of. We need to start thinking with our heads. We need to educate ourselves. We need to put the work in and stop thinking it's magically going to land in our lap one day. Stop bitching and start doing. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

You want to break away from years and years of repeated bad habits and the routine chaos that you've grown accustomed to? Then do it! Just because your family history has repeated the same mistakes over and over with each new generation does not mean you can't put an end to it. It is up to you to end it. Start new traditions. Start new ways of thinking. Change those old habits. Start a new family chapter that doesn't look anything like your past. See it. Feel it. Be it. It all starts with you. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

We all want to end up in a committed relationship with that one special person that we are unwilling to share with the world. Someone who is exclusively there for us. But what are you committing to? Are you just committing to having sex exclusively with that person?Is that your idea of commitment? There is much more to commitment than monogamy. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

In tonight's episode, we are going to revisit chapter 7 in my book, THE CALCINATION OF A VOLATILE LIFE. It talks about how we are brainwashed into thinking there is someone out there that is just for us. The perfect person that will complement our life and make us feel whole again. UGH! Why can't you be whole while single? Why is it so important for us to spend our lives searching for "the one"? We are in such a rush to find someone, that we overlook the red flags that are thrown all over the playing field, and end up regretting our decision later. We seem to go about our search all wrong. We are looking for Mr. tall, dark, and handsome, who has to be a dynamo in the sack. Good Luck! Let's dig deeper into what we think a soulmate is, and why we seem to think we need one. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

Learning to live without deep conversations isn't as bad as you would think. Sure, we would like to believe that we could openly talk about our feelings, current events, or favorite pleasures. But, when dealing with a narc, it is a lost cause. You will just end up regretting it. We don't have to fill the silence. We learn that silence is comforting. We can not continue to ignore the fact that we are not living in a normal situation. Save your conversation for friends or family. Find any way you can to avoid conversations with the narcissist. Stop fueling their gaslighting vehicles. If you decide to stay, you need to become secretive and silent. That's just the way it is. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

The number one rule when deciding to stay with the narcissist is to expect the unexpected without expecting too much. It's a rule you need to live by. Because the more you expect out of that person, the more you will be disappointed in the end. Stop breaking your own heart with visions of them becoming the person that you always hoped they would be. Because it's never going to happen. You need to start relying on close friends, family, and, above all else, yourself. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

In this episode, we are going to talk about how you need to pick your battles and learn to just save your breath when it comes to expressing your concerns or needs to the narc. You will learn it is just not worth your time. Because they really don't care how you feel anyway. They will use your complaining as a weapon against you. They will gaslight you into thinking you shouldn't be feeling this way. They will tell you that you are overreacting and that you are being crazy. So why put yourself through it? Save your breath and figure it out. Until you can get out. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

I am going to share with you, in this episode, the things that you can avoid and the things you need to expect when living with a narc. We can't always just walk out the door at any given moment. It takes planning. It takes preparation. And until then, you need to take action in making your life a little easier for you. It is your responsibility to survive. There are some hard truths that you need to accept. Because your life will never be what you thought it was going to be when you first fell in love with the narcissist. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

We all have bad days, but somehow, when you live with a narcissist, the bad days just seem worse. They like to prey on you when you're already down. They like to strike when they know you're stressed, worried, or ill. This is why you can't express any of this to the narc. If you are going to live with a narcissist you need to hide your feelings and emotions. It's just the way it is. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

I am taking a new approach in life. It will be similar in helping to strengthen your confidence and see your worth. But it will also show the steps that you can take to live a somewhat normal life while dealing with a narcissist. Because let's face facts. Sometimes just walking out the door and saying goodbye isn't gonna solve your problems. There are different situations for different people. So, I'm going to share how you can take the steps needed to either live with or buy some time to plan an escape from the narcissist. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

I am so tired of hearing how the youth of today have no respect for anything. I'm here to tell you differently. There will always be troubled youth just as we have troubled adults. But I can honestly say in the 10 years that I have bartended I have not been shown disrespect by anybody under the age of 30. So here is what I have to say... --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

We all have a wish list. The list that we started perhaps in our childhood. Maybe we've been adding to it or taking away from it over the years. We find that our lists change as as we ourselves change. And sometimes what we prayed for in the beginning is no longer wanted in the end. So take the precious time in getting there. The shortcuts really aren't helping like you believe they are. Don't be in such a hurry. I believe if it's meant to be, and you work toward it every day, you will get there. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

I ask myself this question a lot. And I know what I can contribute to others. I know what I am capable of. But is it enough for me? Until you get to know your real self, you will hear the voices of others telling you what you should do and how you should do it. They block out that inner voice trying to guide you. But you need to realize they are not you. They will never know what's best for you. No matter how much they love you. Take the time to learn who you really are. Before you start any project. Before you accomplish any goal. You need to look within yourself and find out if it's enough for you. The true you. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

Day 3 into the brand New Year and some of us are already disappointed at ourselves for not accomplishing what we said we were going to do. It's OK to feel discouraged. Trying something new is scary. But you have to keep starting over. You don't fail and then say "well I'll wait until next year and try it again." Every day is a new chance to begin again. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

In this last chapter of my book, THE CALCINATION OF A VOLATILE LIFE, I use a story that I heard from a mentor, and talk about how we sometimes don't even know our own strength. We have the ability to escape our trauma, but have been listening to all the wrong people and their lies that limit us, and are too afraid to fight back. You have the power inside of you to change where you are at this very moment. Stop relying on others and giving away your power. Break free on your own. Enough is enough. I hope this audio version of my book has helped someone find their way. You can purchase the book on Amazon. Thank you for listening. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

For years I dreamed and wished my life away. I'm talking years and years. All that precious time... gone. I look back, from where I stand now, and the waves of grief can hit me hard. But I am not going to waste anymore time crying over things that I can't get back. I will make the most out of the time that I have left. I understand, now, that I was being molded into who I am today. The hardship allows you to become fearless in your pursuit of happiness. Today, dare to become that person living your dream life. Do it. You have to start. Or nothing will change. ❤❤❤ --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

Let's give a big shout out to the people in this world that are constantly searching for a better way. Not just for themselves. They search for an easier way, so that others may follow their lead, and maybe get to where they want to be a little quicker. The Seekers. The ones that put in the work. The dedication, and fearlessly move forward despite ridicule and criticism from the sidelines. The Seekers that never follow the crowd, for they know there is a better way. They dare to be different. They allow change. They welcome healthy communication and feedback. They read the books. They never stop learning. Their minds remain open to new possibilities. For they know there is more than just one way of doing something. God bless the Seekers of a better life. For they are the leaders of tomorrow. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

Do you find yourself wanting to make everything OK for everyone in your life? Do you drop everything and put your own needs and responsibilities last, so that you can see to someone else's happiness? STOP!! If you keep doing this people will expect it from you all the time. People don't care how much pain and anxiety it causes you. They will ask the impossible because they know you will try to do it. How about you let them handle their own problems now and then, and maybe try to fix themselves and what they've brought on into their own lives without relying on you to be the fixer. You can't fix everything. It's not your job. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

This chapter of my book allows you take a look at all you've been sorry for... and why? Were you really sorry for speaking your mind or doing exactly what YOU wanted to do? We apologize for all the wrong things. We enable someone else to actually think that we are doing something wrong by being honest with what we really want. Nothing you do is cause for another's actions or words. Everyone has a choice on how they react. Everyone has control over themselves and should not have any say in how you feel, or what you should feel. Quit giving away the power of YOU and stop apologizing. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

In this chapter of my book, THE CALCINATION OF A VOLATILE LIFE, I talk about the one you thought would work. The one that you could see for days and days into the future, and sharing your life with. The one that hurt you the most, but the hardest to forget. It's hard... damn hard. But if you're lucky, something will eventually remind you on why it didn't work. Sometimes what we want, isn't meant for us. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

In Chapter 9 of my book, THE CALCINATION OF A VOLATILE LIFE, I talk about bad decisions. They are going to happen. It's just part of being human. But when you look back on it, you have to see how you were just dealing with a crisis the only way you knew how, at that moment in time. You were working with what you had to work with and made a decision for your survival. That's what we do. We don't have all the answers. We learn by trial and error. Stop reliving those mistakes over and over again, and start living in the present. Where you are now. Forgive yourself and move on. Failure makes us better people. We win every time we fall and get back up. Be the warrior you are meant to be. Fight for the life you want and quit beating yourself up for your bad decisions. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

In this chapter of my book, The Calcination of a Volatile Life, I talk about how we sometimes put too much emphasis on what we are meant to do in life, instead of finding out who we really are inside. Your Passion doesn't make you, you. What you do for a living is not who you are. The authentic you is the one with your own beliefs, opinions and attitudes toward certain ideas and events that occur during life. Following the crowd or taking the road less traveled will not make you happy if it's not who you really are inside. Stop faking life. Be who you are really meant to be. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

We have all been told that there is someone out there just "perfect" for us. Someone who will love us for who we really are, and will never expect us to change for them. We search, sometimes our whole lives, just to never find them. And that's OK. I'd rather be single the rest of my life, than marry the wrong one again. It sucks the life right out of you. Being single has helped me find out who I really am. It has opened my eyes to what's going on around me. It has helped me realize all of the bullshit that I will no longer put up with. I believe in love. But I believe it starts with ourselves. I believe the perfect soulmate, is me. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

Do you ever find yourself downplaying your accomplishments, as to not appear you're bragging or gloating to others? Or how about when you don't expose how you really feel kill about a subject. Have you ever paid attention to how you talk to strangers, versus talking to yourself sometimes? We are our own worst critics! We say nasty shit about ourselves that we would never say to another. We need to start treating ourselves with more respect and kindness, and accept ourselves for who we really are and stop pretending to be something we are not. We need to stop trying to make everybody happy. Because that is delusional. Make yourself happy, and you will be happy.. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

In this chapter I share how I stayed unhappy for too long, because I thought I had to sacrifice my happiness and put my children's needs first, in order to be a "good" mother. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

In this chapter I talk about the ability to re-choose your destiny. You do not have to remain where you are. Your life is your story, and you can change the plot any time you wish! Do not become chained to one way of thinking or doing things. There are so many roads that lead to where you want to be. We're not going to be lucky enough to choose the fastest route the first try! Start over again at any time. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support

In this chapter, I talk about repeating patterns, and how we sometimes just match on to someone just so we aren't alone. I have since learned that being alone, was the best thing for my heart, mind, and soul. It allows healing to take place with no distraction of "love", that may not be genuine at the time. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/paula-julson/support