Being Mindful with the Spiritual Litigator

In this week’s episode, I talk about “5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life” by Bill Eddy, a lawyer and a therapist. In the book he goes into detail about high-conflict personality (“HCP”) types that are the source of many of the most intense relationship conflicts experienced by attorneys. If you think about the people you interact with (clients, judges, arbitrators, co-workers, supervisors, adversaries), you are probably in contact with someone is a HCP. One of the biggest sources of stress when working with difficult people is our beliefs about their behavior. We work with difficult people all the time and we have these beliefs that “people shouldn’t act this way” “people need to act professionally at all time” and “if people are rude to me, that is terrible and it means that people think they can walk all over me.” These beliefs cause us to experience emotions of frustration, anger, stress, resentment & anxiety, which causes us to engage in arguments with them, which results in nothing getting accomplished. We are lawyers, not doctors and there is no way we can diagnose a difficult person with a personality disorder. And quite frankly, it does not matter whether a difficult person has one or not. The possibility that the person has one is enough to make you take a mindful step back from unreasonable behavior, recognize that the behavior has nothing to do with you, and respond in a productive way. So, check out the episode, read the book and let me know your thoughts.

In this week's episode, I talk about how I use routines to manage my morning anxiety.  We have all experienced it: your alarm goes off in the morning and your body fills with dread, anxiety and worry about everything that happened yesterday and everything that is going to happen today. This carries on throughout the day and negatively impacts your productivity, focus and mood. You leave work exhausted, spend your time at home trying to recover from the day, and find yourself awake in the middle of the night worrying about what you did not get done and then waking up with no sleep to the same anxiety every morning.  Whenever you are experiencing negative emotions, those emotions are always caused by your beliefs. That voice in your head that believes that you have too much work to do and you have no time to do it can be silenced by a routine that allows you to dispute those beliefs. When you have a routine, you can tell that worrying voice in your head that you do not have time for this. And after a while of quieting that voice, you will notice better sleep, more productivity and work and more peaceful mornings. 

In this week's episode, I discuss why identifying your case as your "baby" can trigger your primal fight or flight response any time that "baby" is threatened. 99% of the time, this new case is not a special snowflake, not going to change the world and is not your "baby" to save.  If the case is your baby, every threat to its success is a threat to you.  When you self-identify with your cases, you give your power away. When you make your happiness and self-worth dependent on the outcome of your cases, you start triggering beliefs that equate the potential loss of your case to danger and death. This causes irrational responses to predictable setbacks (losing a  motion, a rogue witness at a deposition, discovery of bad facts, etc.), unnecessary stress and anxiety, and in some cases, can lead to behavior that can alienate you from your fellow attorneys.  Here, I talk about how to dispute the beliefs and replace them with effective new beliefs that remind you that the case is not your baby, that it is just another case, and that you can still advocate for your client and work the case to the best of your ability without telling your brain that you are going to die if things go wrong. 

In this week's episode, I talk about three main reasons why criticism leads to beliefs that cause such intense negative emotion. The fear of losing your tribe, fear of failure and fear of punishment is engrained in us by our biology, traditional educational system and our respective upbringings. I discuss how I struggled so much in the first few years of practicing law with criticism and how that spilled over into my personal life. I talk about how disputing my beliefs, having a very important conversation with my Mom, and letting go of perfection led to an astronomical reduction in stress, anxiety, defensiveness, insomnia and perfectionist paralysis.  Practicing mindfulness can lead to an understanding that our beliefs in response to criticism are irrational and disproportionate to reality. As a result, we can dispute those beliefs and replace them with more effective beliefs. 

I am happy to report that my goal of reading one book per month has been successful so far. Studies have shown that reading can reduce stress, increase focus and increase analytical thinking. It's a wonderful mindfulness tool and I try to set aside at least 30 minutes per day to just sit and read. In this week's podcast episode, I talk about "Grit" by Angela Duckworth. "Grit" is defined as the combination of passion and perseverance and the studies detailed throughout the book suggest that grit can be a better predictor of success than just IQ and talent alone. Often, people who lack talent can make up for it through hard work. There are four components of grit: interest, practice, purpose and hope. I think that lawyers often struggle with the "purpose" part because some of our efforts can feel unnoticed, underappreciated and thankless. It is really up to each lawyer to define his or her purpose in this profession. We cannot rely on a pat on the back from others and we cannot let the negativity of others define our purpose. It really is something we have to find in ourselves and this book does a really good job of applying that concept to various profession. Check out the episode, read the book and let me know your thoughts! https://buff.ly/2FwXhsP

In this week's podcast episode, I discuss how to use mindfulness to change the beliefs that cause lawyers to panic when working on a legal writing assignment or project such as a brief or memo. Sometimes we can turn a brief into a monster of an assignment.   We associate our overall self-worth with the outcome of the underlying motion. We start to panic about all the work we need to do to finish it and panic over how we don't have time to do any of it. We lose sleep while we panic. None of it is necessary. But how do you stop all of those feelings of stress, anxiety, hopelessness, and dread that inevitably creep up when a deadline is looming ahead? By mindfully identifying your beliefs, understanding the consequences of those beliefs, disputing those beliefs, and adopting effective new beliefs you can break the panic cycle. Mindfulness can lead to an acceptance that your beliefs about the writing assignment, and not the writing assignment itself, cause of all your negative emotion, panic-looping and procrastination. Then, you can come to the realization that you have the power to just let all of those negative beliefs go.

My fellow litigators: sometimes you will be so sure that your case strategy will work and that someone else’s suggestion will not. And sometimes you will be completely and utterly wrong. If you do not accept that, you will experience the unnecessary emotional and physical consequences of failing to manage your mind. In this week’s podcast episode I talk about an employment case I worked on a few years ago where, based on statutory and case law, I thought the employer’s defenses were weak and disagreed with the partner’s stubborn insistence that we tender a final unreasonable settlement offer I believed was doomed for rejection. If it was not accepted, I was responsible for handling the trial. I was so irritated and frustrated and had anxiety about trying a case I did not believe in. In the two weeks of settlement negotiations, I started experiencing stomach cramps, waking up in the middle of the night worrying and becoming less productive at work as a result. When I communicated the final offer to my adversary, I silently listened to and internally agreed with the adversary’s frustration with the stubbornness of my client and the partner. Two days later, to my surprise and relief, the adversary called me and told me that the client had accepted the offer. What?! It was over. Now I didn’t need to try the case. Now all I needed to do was draw up the settlement that the partner and employer were completely right about and move on with my life. Although I was practicing mindfulness throughout the entirety of this ordeal, I was mindfully surviving instead of mindfully identifying, disputing and changing my beliefs. My failure to manage my mind led to unnecessary anxiety, physical pain and sleepless nights. We do this to ourselves all the time. We project out a future that hasn’t even happened yet and we put our bodies through the fight or flight response as if we are going to die.  Listen to this episode to see how you can effectively use mindfulness to manage your attorney mind, to accept that you could be wrong, and to just let go and let things happen.

While doing some research on the intersection of mindfulness and psychology in preparation for a mindfulness seminar, I found something that clicked with me: the cognitive model by psychologist Albert Ellis that has been the backbone of cognitive behavioral science for decades and is extremely simple.  A – Activating Event; B- Beliefs; and C- Consequences (Emotions, Actions & Results). Once you realize that you have a belief system that is causing negative consequences, you have a choice to D- Dispute your beliefs and create E – Effective new beliefs. Using mindfulness to apply this to my life has been extremely effective because it really helped me to have an understanding of how my brain works and identify the beliefs that lead me to the negative emotions actions or results within my legal practice and within my life. Check out this episode to mindfully make the ABCs work for you.

In this week’s podcast episode, I discuss being a present lawyer. My fellow litigators: do you often emotionally cry wolf every time you promise yourself that you will feel better when you [insert future event here]? Do you tell your family, friends or significant other that when you finish this case, trial or project, you will be less stressed out and more available, when in fact you’re going to finish that case and move on to another one that you will stress you out as much and take up as much time as the last one? When you learn how to be in the present moment, you learn that you don’t need things in the future to make you feel successful, happy or fulfilled. You can make a choice to feel that way now. When you are in the present moment, you learn that the way that you feel now is exactly how you are going to feel in the future and that you have the power to control how you feel right now. To get started, check out a meditation for being in the present moment here: http://www.thespirituallitigator.com/meditations

In this week’s podcast episode, I discuss setting realistic boundaries in your law practice. If you do not set boundaries with your clients, adversaries, or partners, your productivity and motivation can suffer. Additionally, if you don’t set boundaries in your personal relationships, you may end up with less of them. This episode gives some examples of how to set realistic boundaries and what to do when your boundaries are breached.

n this week’s podcast episode, I discuss stress, why its effect on lawyers is important and how to use mindfulness to manage it.   The cognitive model introduced by American psychologist Albert Ellis set forth the A to E process in which humans process events that lead to stress:   An Activating event, your Belief about that event and your Consequential emotion as a result of that event.   From there, he explained that the way to change negative beliefs is by Disputing those beliefs and Exchanging those negative thoughts with better ones.    When you practice mindfulness in your daily life, you can identify the beliefs and stories you are telling yourself in response to an activating event. If that belief is causing stress in your life, you can choose to change the way you are thinking about that event by disputing it and exchanging it for a better feeling thought.   This isn’t an overnight quick fix. This is a day to day application. But, you know that too much stress can harm your career, relationships and overall life satisfaction. And when you know there is a way to improve all areas of your life just by changing your beliefs, it is a game changer.

This week's podcast is about starting a spiritual routine.  All busy lawyers know that it is difficult to take time out of their busy schedules for a spiritual routine. However, in my personal experience, a spiritual routine is essential for stress management and its effects are evident in my everyday life. If you would like to implement a spiritual routine into your daily life, the following 5 tips will help you get started. 1. Don't Call it a "Challenge" These days, it seems like everything that is supposedly good for us is often called a "challenge" such as diets, exercise plans, fundraisers, etc. Calling it a challenge encourages you to start doing it but it also suggests that it will be difficult, mildly inconvenient and that it has an ending. When you want to implement a spiritual routine into your daily life, the idea is that you want it to be easy, practical and sustainable. So don't give it a name, don't make it a thing, just decide what you're going to do and start doing it. 2. Start Small You could commit to meditating twice per day, doing daily yoga, writing affirmations, making 5 vision boards and that might work out for you. But when you start a spiritual routine with too many daily commitments, you may burn out and stop doing it altogether. Instead, start with a small goal. For example, I started by meditating for 5 minutes every night. Then, I started doing yoga every other morning. Then, I started writing 10 things I am grateful before doing my night meditation. Sometimes I don't feel like doing yoga in the morning and may write 10 additional things I am grateful for instead. Once you begin integrating certain actions into your daily schedule, you may gradually add other activities into your routine. The goal is to have a routine that is sustainable, not one that is stressful. 3. Do What Resonates With You Meditation works for me, but it may not work for everyone. Writing 10 things that I am grateful for on a daily basis is something that I enjoy doing, but it may be annoying and a waste of time to you. Try a few things out for at least a week and see how you feel. If you do not enjoy portions of your spiritual routine, then find something that you do enjoy. Whatever you do, make sure it resonates with you. 4. Don't Tell Everyone Often, the key to manifesting success is to avoid speaking with people about it. Sure, there may be some people who will encourage you to meditate and may be inspired to start their own spiritual routine because of you. Others, however, won't understand what you're doing and will likely say negative things to you about how weird or silly it is. We all know that co-worker who starts the diet cleanse who tells everyone in the office who will listen about it or that family member who has rediscovered religion and wants everyone in the family to follow suit. Although those individuals have great intentions, telling everyone about some new course in your life may sometimes be a way to convince yourself that it is right and that other people not taking that same course of action are wrong. Also, telling people while hoping to receive encouragement can backfire if people react negatively to it causing you to question whether it's a good idea. You don't have to make announcements when you're doing good things for yourself. 5. Get Back on if You Fall Off You will have days when you work late and miss your daily meditation or days where you just don't feel like doing anything. That's fine. No matter what the reason is, you can get back to your routine any time. Just like when you fall off a workout routine, the effects will begin the wear off over time. However, unlike returning to an exercise routine, returning to a spiritual routine won't hurt at all and the benefits will be noticeable a lot sooner. In conclusion, it is important to remember that the purpose of a spiritual routine is to make you feel happy and to make you feel good. I truly believe that the emotional state of your internal being creates your external circumstances. Therefore, if you can develop and maintain a spiritual routine that works for you and makes you feel happy on a consistent basis, I can almost guarantee that you will see the effects in your every day life. Want to get started? Click here to get access to a 5 minute meditation for beginners and see if it resonates with you. 

In this week’s podcast, I discuss a study I recently came across on happiness in the legal profession. In 2015, Lawrence S. Krieger from the Florida State University College of Law and Kennon M. Sheldon from the University of Missouri at Columbia – Department of Psychological Sciences conducted a survey of over 6,000 lawyers in various practice areas to determine what caused wellbeing and happiness. And the results may or may not be surprising to you. First, the study found that meaningful and personally engaging work were far more predictive of attorney well-being than external factors relating to law school competitive standing, honors, or post-law school annual salary. Second, the study showed that public service lawyers were happier and more satisfied than other lawyers, including those in the most prestigious, highly paid positions. Finally, a number of personal routine and lifestyle choices matched or exceeded the power of income, honors, and credentials as predictors of lawyer well-being. What does this mean? Law schools lied to us. We were told that in order to be successful and fulfilled lawyers, we needed to get high grades, be involved in activities that built our resumes, such as law review, in order to get to the promised land of a high-paying legal job that would ultimately make all of our dreams come true. So, we worked hard, dedicated our time to studying and getting involved in resume-building extracurricular activities, graduated, took the bar exam, got a job and then… realized that it was not all cupcakes and rainbows as we thought it would be. We learned that this profession is inherently full of circumstances and situations that can result in stress, anxiety, overwhelm and situational depression. And at some point, no matter what our income level is, we realize that money is not an antidepressant or an antidote to any negative thought pattern. So why do law schools feed you this lie? On one hand, I think it is because some of their leaders truly believe that external circumstances such as prestige and money can make you happy. On the other hand, I believe that law school leaders know they would be out of the job if their prospects really knew that what they were chasing was going to come at a heavy emotional and mental cost. So, what does this mean? Does it mean that the hours you spent working on Law Review articles while in law school was a complete waste of time and set you up for a life of overachievement and depression? Does this mean that if you’re working in Biglaw or Midlaw, you’re doomed to an emotionally destroyed existence? Does it mean that if you work in public service making less money than your law firm-collegue counterparts and you are still unhappy, in contrast to what the study says you should be, this is just the way it is? No, No and NO. Although this study sheds light on what makes attorneys happy, the most important part of this study is this: Each lawyer can choose to find meaning in their work no matter where they practice. Each lawyer can choose to find happiness irrespective of their income level. Each lawyer can choose to engage in personal routines and make lifestyle choices that can increase their wellbeing. Each lawyer has a choice. So, identify what makes you happy but ultimately recognize that external circumstances are not the cause of that happiness and make peace with and let go of what you may have been chasing that has only caused you more stress than fulfillment.

In this week's podcast, I talk about how lawyers are among the loneliest professionals. That should be of no surprise to us. This profession rewards isolation, there is a constant fear of being behind on billable hours and our workaholism can have a negative impact on our personal relationships, leading to further isolation and disconnection outside of work. This could be one of the reasons that lawyers are a profession with one of the highest rates of suicide. During this episode, I discuss some solutions to the lonely lawyer problem and how you can realistically implement those solutions into your busy lawyer life.   Contact me at TheSpiritualLitigator@gmail.com  

As litigators, our jobs generally are to listen to the arguments of our opposing counsel, conduct extensive research to the contrary, and apply facts and law to oppose the argument.   Why are we so good at challenging the arguments of others but we cannot seem to challenge the opposing counsel in our minds? You know: the voice that tells you that you are not good enough, the voice that tells you that you are not a good lawyer, and the voice that tells you that you are a failure when you make small and insignificant mistakes. Instead of challenging it, we just accept it is true and we suffer through stress and anxiety as a result. In this week's episode, I encourage all lawyers to identify, challenge and replace the opposing counsel in your mind.   Contact me at TheSpiritualLitigator@gmail.com Sign up for April’s Lawyers Who Brunch Meetup here: https://www.facebook.com/events/327455797777985/

In this episode, I discuss the panic drug, why lawyers may be addicted to it, and how mindfulness can help lawyers identify it and replace it with healthier alternatives. To read more about the psychological study I mention, click here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-freedom/201104/are-you-addicted-anxiety-learn-how-not-be If you are interested in the Lawyers Who Brunch Meetup in NYC, click here: https://www.facebook.com/events/1471843556278333/ Contact me at TheSpiritualLitigator@gmail.com If you are interested in working with me to discuss mindfulness and how it can improve your career and your life, please set up a discovery call with me to see if we are a good fit to work together at https://www.thespirituallitigator.com/workwithme/

Why are lawyers always focused on the worst case scenario? Well,  that’s what they were taught to do in law school and what they are required to do in practice. Unfortunately, lawyers have a difficult time turning that worst case scenario switch off which can lead to paralyzing fear and anxiety that can reduce your productivity, strain your personal relationships and negatively impact your mental health. In this week’s episode I discuss how you can use that worst case scenario to your advantage by taking control of your lawyer brain and using it to identify and implement actionable solutions.

Can being mindful help you during especially tough times? In this week’s episode of Being Mindful with the Spiritual Litigator, I talk about how mindfulness helped me cope with the emotional stress caused by a car accident I had in January. I talk about how I worked through guilt, decided not to go for the quick emotional fix that alcohol offered and took the longer yet sustainable road to emotional recovery through gratitude journaling.   If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share it with a fellow attorney.  Contact me at TheSpiritualLitigator@gmail.com  If you are interested in working with me to discuss mindfulness and how it can improve your career and your life, please set up a discovery call with me to see if we are a good fit to work together at https://www.thespirituallitigator.com/workwithme/

In this episode, I discuss how gratitude journaling can help lawyers be mindful of the present moment, focus more positively and increase productivity. Find information on the gratitude study I mention in the episode here.   If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share it with a fellow attorney.  Contact me at TheSpiritualLitigator@gmail.com  If you are interested in working with me to discuss mindfulness and how it can improve your career and your life, please set up a discovery call with me to see if we are a good fit to work together at https://www.thespirituallitigator.com/work-with-me/

In this episode, I discuss how meditation can help attorneys decompress after work, detach from the stresses of the day and reduce overall anxiety. I discuss how to meditate, the types of meditation that I typically practice, when to meditate and what to do if your mind wanders or if you get distracted during the meditation.  Access my 5 Minute Meditations by going to http://www.TheSpiritualLitigator.com, clicking on "Show Me How" and entering your email. An example of meditation music can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_G1IQLz6ig An example of binaural beats can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-AI74Wk60I Contact me at TheSpiritualLitigator@gmail.com If you are interested in working with me to discuss mindfulness and how it can improve your career and your life, please set up a discovery call with me to see if we are a good fit to work together at https://www.thespirituallitigator.com/workwithme

On this episode, I will talk to you about who I am and what to expect from this podcast. Download This Episode!