Podcast appearances and mentions of Bill Eddy

High conflict at work rarely announces itself. By the time it becomes a formal HR complaint or a leadership crisis, the patterns were visible much earlier—and the tools most organizations rely on to stay fair often make things worse, not better.Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute in Scottsdale, Arizona, are joined by Michael Lomax, JD, HCI speaker, trainer, and attorney, for Part 2 of a four-part workplace series. They break down the WEB method for early conflict assessment—Words, Emotions, Behavior—and explain why HR's focus on neutrality and incident-by-incident handling can inadvertently protect the person driving the conflict while penalizing the target.It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.Full Show Notes & ResourcesSubmit Questions | Bookstore | WebsiteWatch this episode on YouTubeImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:48) - Assessing Workplace Conflict Early and Accurately (04:53) - Potential Costs of Getting It Wrong (09:13) - Patterns of Behavior (18:56) - Documenting Impact (20:38) - Personality Disorders (21:57) - Reactivity Drives Response (25:29) - Managing Difficult HCPs (31:02) - What to Assess First (35:30) - Wrap Up

In Episode of The Divorce Hour, Ilyssa Welcomes Divorce Coach, Consultant, and Lawyer Karen Covy to Discuss How Omitting and Embellishing Facts About a Divorce Can Hurt You in Court. Friend of the Show and Co-Founder of The High Conflict Institute Bill Eddy Drops By to Examine the Impact of Divorce on Kid's Mental Health. . The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz is a safe and comfortable place for listeners to put their feet up and escape from the daily grind while we offer you comfort and advice during a challenging and often isolating time in your life. It is hard to turn to friends and family who don't understand what you are going through emotionally, mentally, or economically but we do and there is nothing to feel ashamed about! While the topics and guests will vary every week – the messaging is always the same: we are going to help you get through this dark period and despite how bleak you may think things look. If you cannot see the audio controls,

Workplace conflict is costing US businesses $359 billion a year—and behind a disproportionate share of that damage is high conflict behavior: the kind that ignores limits, escalates faster than most leaders expect, and doesn't respond to the usual playbook. This is part one of a four-part series on high conflict in the workplace, with Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, Megan Hunter, MBA, and Michael Lomax, JD—lawyer, mediator, and senior speaker and trainer with the High Conflict Institute since 2011.Bill, Megan, and Michael unpack why conflict is surging right now—generational shifts, pandemic fallout, social media polarization, and AI giving people who demonstrate high conflict behavior entirely new tools—and make the case for why prevention has to come before the crisis, not after. If your organization is still treating conflict as something HR handles case by case, this episode is the place to start.It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.Full Show Notes & ResourcesSubmit a Question | Bookstore | WebsiteWatch this episode on YouTubeImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:29) - Why Workplace Conflict Is Rising (02:57) - Trends Driving Workplace Conflict (04:50) - Employees Changing Job Expectations (07:15) - Affects of Social Media (08:59) - Organizational Design and Friction (11:57) - Make Work About Work (14:32) - Divisive vs. Unifying Issues (17:16) - When an HCP Is Involved (20:29) - When the Organization Isn't Aware (23:55) - Leaders Avoid Conflict (27:42) - Role Playing (29:00) - Growing Comfortable (31:25) - One Thing to Say (32:55) - Wrap Up

If you've been ordered into parenting coordination, or you're wondering whether a parenting coordinator could help your high-conflict custody case, this conversation is for you.Lisa sits down with Nicole Sodoma, a family law attorney with 26 years of experience, founding partner of Sodoma Law (seven locations across the Carolinas), and a practicing parenting coordinator since 2005. What makes Nicole's perspective uniquely powerful is that she's not just an expert — she's a targeted parent who has personally worked with three different parenting coordinators since her own separation in 2019. She knows this process from every angle.Together, they break down what a parenting coordinator actually does, who gets one (and why), what the most common and costly mistakes parents make are, and the practical communication and documentation strategies that can help you stop making them — starting today.Whether your parenting coordinator seems to be favoring your ex, you're confused about what decisions they can and can't make, or you're just trying to understand how to use this process strategically, Nicole gives you a clear, honest roadmap.

High conflict relationships can leave you grieving something most people don't recognize as a real loss — not just the person, but the relationship you always hoped you could have. When someone in your life consistently cannot offer the empathy, accountability, or closeness you need, the question stops being "how do I fix this?" and starts being "how do I accept what this actually is?"Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute in Scottsdale, Arizona, walk through the five stages of grief as they apply to high conflict relationships, why high conflict people get stuck in anger while those around them keep cycling, and how to make the practical decision between limited contact and no contact. They cover what to do with guilt and shame when pulling back, why sharing your feelings with a high conflict person usually backfires, and the self-affirmation strategies that interrupt the shame spiral.It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.Full Show Notes & ResourcesSubmit Questions | Bookstore | WebsiteWatch this episode on YouTubeImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:48) - Accepting It Won't Become What You'd Hoped (02:13) - Why Do People Stay? (07:59) - Five Stages of Grieving Process (09:52) - Criteria for Choosing No-Contact Path (13:36) - Watch Your Expectations (18:45) - Getting Through It (24:43) - Wrap Up

Fear of retaliation keeps many people trapped in high conflict relationships long after they know they need to leave. Emotional explosions, smear campaigns, threats involving children, financial punishment, legal warfare — the threat of what might happen when you finally say the words can feel more paralyzing than staying. The Betty Broderick case is an extreme example, but the dynamic it illustrates — unmanaged emotions, all-or-nothing thinking, and escalating revenge — shows up in milder forms in relationships every day.Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, walk through what a safer, stepwise exit actually looks like — and why an abrupt in-person announcement is the most dangerous approach. They cover the biggest mistakes people make when leaving, how to document behavior and prepare for false allegations before they happen, and what courts and police actually respond to when you present your situation.It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.Full Show Notes & ResourcesSubmit Questions | Bookstore | WebsiteWatch this episode on YouTubeImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:26) - Betty Broderick Case (11:01) - Why People Are Afraid to Leave Relationships with HCPs (14:04) - Mistakes When Trying to Leave (17:06) - Creating Escalations (20:11) - When It's Not a Marriage (21:48) - Getting Prepared (28:04) - Giving Warning (28:47) - If on the Fence (30:17) - Wrap Up

When someone in a high conflict situation gets upset, the instinct is to explain, correct, or reason with them — and that almost always makes things worse. The reason isn't a mystery anymore: it's neuroscience. Validation doesn't just make people feel better; it quiets the amygdala's threat response and activates the part of the brain responsible for regulating emotions. An EAR statement — something showing empathy, attention, or respect — is the fastest way to get there.Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, connect recent brain research to the EAR statement framework — covering why tone of voice affects the vagus nerve, how to calm yourself before calming someone else, and when EAR statements shouldn't be used at all.It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.Full Show Notes & ResourcesSubmit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | WebsiteWatch this episode on YouTubeImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:49) - Validation (02:39) - Psychology Today Article (06:14) - Polyvagal Theory (11:08) - Why Harder for Some? (14:58) - How Do We Validate? (16:33) - Encouraging Statements (19:02) - Invalidation (21:42) - Example (24:00) - We Are in Charge of Ourselves (28:16) - When EAR Statements Won't Work (32:53) - High Conflict Situations (34:40) - Wrap Up

When a high conflict person says it's all your fault, most reasonable people do something predictable — they start wondering what they did wrong. That instinct toward self-reflection is healthy in most relationships. With high conflict people, it becomes a trap.Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, unpack why high conflict personalities blame with an intensity that triggers your brain's threat-detection system — and why that intensity is precisely what makes you absorb guilt that isn't yours. They cover how to reality-test yourself when the blame lands hard, what to expect when you finally set a limit, and how to sit with the backlash without retreating into self-doubt.It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.Full Show Notes & ResourcesSubmit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | WebsiteWatch this episode on YouTubeImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:43) - It's NOT Your Fault (02:22) - Why Do HCPs Blame? (07:00) - Absorbing Guilt (13:31) - Example (17:36) - Setting Limits and Potential Backlash (19:28) - Why HCPs Escalate (24:20) - Grow Used to Uncomfortable Feelings (26:29) - Knowing When It's Not Safe (28:28) - Key Takeaways (29:27) - Wrap Up

High conflict cases have a well-documented credibility problem: the person with high conflict personality traits walks into the lawyer's office, the HR department, or the courtroom looking calm and composed. The person who has been responding to years of escalation walks in looking emotional, reactive, and hard to follow. Without a framework for recognizing this pattern, systems can unintentionally reward the behavior driving the conflict—and penalize the person trying to respond to it.Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, walk through the biggest mistakes people make when presenting high conflict concerns to lawyers, HR, courts, and adult protective services—and offer a concrete strategy for making those concerns land. They cover why chronological storytelling buries the most critical information, how to work with professionals who don't yet see what's happening, and what to do if you've already vented or lost your cool.It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.Full Show Notes & ResourcesSubmit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | WebsiteWatch this episode on YouTubeImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:50) - When No One Else Sees It (03:19) - Why Do HCPs Come Across Credible? (07:55) - Biggest Mistakes (13:43) - Connecting Behaviors to Laws (19:28) - Repairing After Venting (23:52) - Takeaways (24:36) - In Legal Case (27:00) - Wrap Up

When addiction and high conflict personality traits both show up in a custody case, the usual advice stops working. Vague parenting plans become weapons. Standard timelines get exploited. Courts aren't designed to manage what's happening daily between two households—and the divorce itself is often just the beginning.Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, lay out what actually works: parenting plans built with iron-clad specificity, consequences written into agreements before problems happen, relapse protocols, objective safety safeguards for young children, and the assertive court strategy Bill describes as the most effective approach—not aggressive, not passive, but steady and information-forward.It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.Full Show Notes & ResourcesSubmit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | WebsiteWatch this episode on YouTubeImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:56) - Part 2: High Conflict Behavior, Addiction, and Child Custody (02:00) - Parenting Plans (05:58) - When Reluctant to Change (08:27) - Being Prepared (10:05) - Don't Reward the Pushing (13:59) - Build Consequences into Agreements (18:24) - With Younger Children (22:15) - Professional Involvement (26:33) - Top Mistakes (30:17) - Wrap Up

High conflict custody cases are hard enough—but when one parent also demonstrates antisocial personality traits alongside addiction and a pattern of long-term deception, standard parenting plans fall short in ways that can leave a child at real risk. Antisocial personality disorder appears in family court more often than most people realize, and it requires a fundamentally different approach to court orders, parenting plans, and relapse planning.Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute in Scottsdale, Arizona, walk through how to recognize the pattern, what to actually say to a family court judge, and how to build a relapse plan directly into a custody agreement as a court order. They also cover monitoring options, supervised contact, and why no-contact orders should be extremely rare. This is part one of a two-part conversation.It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.Full Show Notes & ResourcesSubmit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | WebsiteWatch this episode on YouTubeImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:58) - High Conflict Behavior, Addiction, and Child Custody (01:49) - Case Setup (04:00) - Pattern Recognition (08:50) - Traits (10:05) - Feined Connection (11:58) - What to Do (15:04) - Back to the Case (22:08) - Monitoring Services (23:40) - Parenting Plan (27:11) - No Contact Order? (29:43) - Defining More Extreme Personalities (33:16) - Wrap Up

In high conflict divorce, children don't just witness a parent's distress—they absorb it, often without knowing where the feeling is coming from. Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explain the brain science behind emotional contagion, why it can quietly build a child's resistance to the healthier parent, and what that parent can do about it. From holding the schedule steady under emotional pressure, to teaching the four big skills for life, to naming emotions out loud to reduce their intensity—this episode gives parents practical tools they can use inside their own home starting today.Resources from this episode:BOOKSDon't Alienate the KidsBIFF for CoParent CommunicationCOURSES & CLASSES FOR PARENTSConflict Influencer™ ClassNew Ways for Families Class + Coaching (for parents)Resistance, Refusal and the Child's BrainARTICLE7 Ways Children's Brains Absorb Their Parent's' Emotions in Divorce (And What You Can Do About It)TRAININGProfessional Organizational Training: info@highconflictinstitute.comSubmit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | WebsiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:51) - Update (04:18) - Children Absorbing Their Parents' Emotions (10:16) - What's Happening (15:55) - Dad's Options (17:41) - Setting Up Emotional Responses (20:21) - Parental Awareness and Roles (29:55) - Wrap Up

In Episode of The Divorce Hour, Ilyssa Welcomes Co-Founder, The High Conflict Institute, Bill Eddy on The Impact of Emotions on The Kids. Kristen Holstrom, and Samantha McBride AKA The Custody Queens, Drop By to Update Us on Frankie Taylor Paul Case. . The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz is a safe and comfortable place for listeners to put their feet up and escape from the daily grind while we offer you comfort and advice during a challenging and often isolating time in your life. It is hard to turn to friends and family who don't understand what you are going through emotionally, mentally, or economically but we do and there is nothing to feel ashamed about! While the topics and guests will vary every week – the messaging is always the same: we are going to help you get through this dark period and despite how bleak you may think things look. If you cannot see the audio controls,

Bullying is rarely about you. It is often high-conflict individuals who project their internal traumas onto others. Whether the threats are physical or verbal, the goal is to create an environment of fear and intimidation. If you've been targeted, remember that you don't have to face it alone. There are effective ways to de-escalate these situations and professional resources available to help you. To explore how to respond to a high-conflict person, Harvesting Happiness Podcast Host Lisa Cypers Kamen continues her conversation with Billy Eddy, a licensed clinical social worker, attorney, author, and co-founder and Training Director of the High-Conflict Institute. As part of his series of de-escalation techniques for relationships, Bill Eddy shares successful strategies for setting limits with toxic people and navigating high-conflict personalities, as well as self-care methods from his book, SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2½ Steps. Like what you're hearing? WANT MORE SOUND IDEAS FOR DEEPER THINKING? Check out More Mental Fitness by Harvesting Happiness bonus content available exclusively on https://harvestinghappiness.substack.com/ and https://medium.com/@HarvestingHappiness.

Bullying is rarely about you. It is often high-conflict individuals who project their internal traumas onto others. Whether the threats are physical or verbal, the goal is to create an environment of fear and intimidation. If you've been targeted, remember that you don't have to face it alone. There are effective ways to de-escalate these situations and professional resources available to help you. To explore how to respond to a high-conflict person, Harvesting Happiness Podcast Host Lisa Cypers Kamen continues her conversation with Billy Eddy, a licensed clinical social worker, attorney, author, and co-founder and Training Director of the High-Conflict Institute. As part of his series of de-escalation techniques for relationships, Bill Eddy shares successful strategies for setting limits with toxic people and navigating high-conflict personalities, as well as self-care methods from his book, SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2½ Steps. Like what you're hearing? WANT MORE SOUND IDEAS FOR DEEPER THINKING? Check out More Mental Fitness by Harvesting Happiness bonus content available exclusively on https://harvestinghappiness.substack.com/ and https://medium.com/@HarvestingHappiness.

Do you know someone who claims it is never their fault or blames somebody else for all their woes, or the person who uses bullying tactics to push people into doing what they want? Research shows that ten percent of the people you come into contact with have high-conflict personalities. These chaotic character types don't just experience occasional friction; they operate through a rigid pattern of all-or-nothing thinking and intense emotional outbursts that can exhaust even the most patient allies. Understanding these toxic relationship patterns is the first step in protecting your own mental well-being. To better understand the 5 types of people who can ruin your life, Harvesting Happiness Podcast Host Lisa Cypers Kamen continues her conversation with Billy Eddy, a licensed clinical social worker, attorney, and author. Bill details the toxic relationship patterns of high-conflict personalities. Drawing on his professional experience, he highlights strategies for navigating your way through conflict and uncomfortable situations from his book, SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2½ Steps. Like what you're hearing? WANT MORE SOUND IDEAS FOR DEEPER THINKING? Check out More Mental Fitness by Harvesting Happiness bonus content available exclusively on https://harvestinghappiness.substack.com/ and https://medium.com/@HarvestingHappiness.

Do you know someone who claims it is never their fault or blames somebody else for all their woes, or the person who uses bullying tactics to push people into doing what they want? Research shows that ten percent of the people you come into contact with have high-conflict personalities. These chaotic character types don't just experience occasional friction; they operate through a rigid pattern of all-or-nothing thinking and intense emotional outbursts that can exhaust even the most patient allies. Understanding these toxic relationship patterns is the first step in protecting your own mental well-being. To better understand the 5 types of people who can ruin your life, Harvesting Happiness Podcast Host Lisa Cypers Kamen continues her conversation with Billy Eddy, a licensed clinical social worker, attorney, and author. Bill details the toxic relationship patterns of high-conflict personalities. Drawing on his professional experience, he highlights strategies for navigating your way through conflict and uncomfortable situations from his book, SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2½ Steps. Like what you're hearing? WANT MORE SOUND IDEAS FOR DEEPER THINKING? Check out More Mental Fitness by Harvesting Happiness bonus content available exclusively on https://harvestinghappiness.substack.com/ and https://medium.com/@HarvestingHappiness.

Sociopaths and narcissists are both drawn to politics. How do we spot folks with faulty moral compasses before they get elected, and what do we do when they slip by? Bill Eddy is a therapist, lawyer, and mediator. He is the Director of Innovation at the High Conflict Institute. He is the author of over twenty books on high-conflict behavior and how to manage it, but we will be discussing the most pertinent of these works, "Why We Elect Narcissists and Sociopaths and How We Can Stop."

Bill Eddy has authored more than 20 books on high‑conflict personalities and disputes. He wants Americans, and societies everywhere, to keep a simple mantra in mind: “fantasy crisis, fantasy villain, fantasy hero with fantasy solutions.” Whenever we encounter another wave of chaos from the Trump administration or any potentially abusive elected official, this phrase helps us recognize the manufactured narratives at play. It highlights the endless cycle of contrived trauma spun by those in power, while also providing a mental shield against the constant barrage of fear, anger, intimidation, and hidden agendas driven by money or power. Bill is a therapist, lawyer, and mediator, and he serves as co‑founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute. The institute's mission is to make “high‑conflict behavior manageable—even when it feels impossible.” Their “About” page explains that they “equip professionals with proven skills to navigate high‑conflict behaviors in any setting—confidently, ethically, and effectively.” Bill has also created practical tools such as the CARS Method®, BIFF Response®, EAR Statements™, and the New Ways® series, which are used to train others to regain control in high‑conflict situations. The Importance of Focused and Refined Messaging in Politics Bill understands how powerful words, repeated phrases, and tightly crafted messages can be in countering high‑conflict personalities such as narcissists and sociopaths. He argues that the Democratic Party must coordinate and sharpen its messaging to confront Trump. “What I find is Democratic politicians have hundreds of ideas, hundreds of words, but they haven't settled on anything repetitive,” he said, “and that's where we get into what we both talk about is the emotional mind.” Bill notes that Trump excels at creating short, memorable slogans that stick in voters' minds. “You target the emotional mind with these really short, you know, build the wall, send them back, those kinds of phrases, and the Democrats are saying similar stuff, but all different words,” Bill explained. I asked Bill to discuss some of the basic rules in dealing with narcissistic personalities in conflict situations. He noted that trying to give them insight into their behavior often doesn't help. Neither does focusing on the past. “You'll never agree on the past. You'll just argue forever about the past, because they may be totally committed to something that you can totally show as false, but they're locked into that,” he said' We discussed Trump's obsession with the 2020 election results and his focus on rewriting past history so that he has a win, for instance. Lastly, Bill advised against name-calling or attempting to confront the narcissist on their emotions. Bill then focused on what we should be using, like the CARS Method® “C for connecting A, for analyzing, R, for responding as for setting limits” or using EAR Statements™ where E is for Empathy, A is for Analyzing and R is for Respect. He gave an example, “So if somebody's angry and they're pointing a finger at you, and they're saying, ‘Bill, you're an idiot, and you don't know what you're talking about,' then I would say, ‘Wow, well, I can hear you're really upset. Let's look at what we can do here. Let's analyze what's going on, what we can do here.'” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Passive aggressive behavior is one of the most common—and most maddening—dynamics in high conflict situations. In this episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter of the High Conflict Institute reframe passive aggression as what it really is: aggression with built-in deniability. They walk through how to recognize it at home and at work, how to set limits on behavior that's designed to evade accountability, and how the “it's not about me” mindset gives you the emotional footing to respond effectively. Whether you're dealing with a co-worker who “forgets” every commitment or a relationship where nothing is ever directly addressed, this episode gives you a practical framework for protecting your peace.Resources from this episode:5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeDating RadarConflict Influencer ClassManaging High-Conflict Behaviour in the Workplace Training (April 23, 2026)Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | WebsiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:07) - Passive Aggressive Behavior (03:59) - Is It High Conflict Behavior? (08:43) - Confronting Them (09:36) - When They Don't Stop (13:43) - Conflict Avoidance Behavior? (17:17) - A Pre-Cursor to More Overt Conflict? (18:24) - In the Workplace (19:42) - Examples (21:54) - Antisocial Behavior (23:57) - Following Through (26:09) - Staying Confident (27:22) - Wrap Up

In Episode of The Divorce Hour, Ilyssa Welcomes Founder, Anna K Law, Anna Krolikowska to Help Listeners Develop Problem Solving Skills. Co-Founder ofThe High Conflict Institute Bill Eddy Talks About Divorce Around The World . The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz is a safe and comfortable place for listeners to put their feet up and escape from the daily grind while we offer you comfort and advice during a challenging and often isolating time in your life. It is hard to turn to friends and family who don't understand what you are going through emotionally, mentally, or economically but we do and there is nothing to feel ashamed about! While the topics and guests will vary every week – the messaging is always the same: we are going to help you get through this dark period and despite how bleak you may think things look. If you cannot see the audio controls,

Why are so many people drawn to media figures who thrive on conflict, drama, and promises of secret revelations? Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter of the High Conflict Institute break down the neuroscience behind it—and it turns out your brain is working exactly as designed. The right hemisphere's drive for connection, belonging, and certainty makes all of us vulnerable to conflict-driven personalities, whether we realize it or not. This episode gives you the framework to understand why you get hooked, and practical tools to reclaim your own judgment.Resources from this episode:5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeManaging High-Conflict Behavior in the Workplace — Training, April 23, 2026Training for Your OrganizationVisit High Conflict InstituteBrowse Books and ResourcesSubmit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | WebsiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:42) - Catching Up (03:03) - Building Conflict Around Yourselves (06:35) - Our Draw to Conspiracy Theorists (09:58) - Why Does It Feel Credible? (12:23) - Personality Types (15:44) - Convincing and Confident (17:07) - Negative Advocates (21:09) - Reinforcing Patterns (23:05) - What Can We Do (26:23) - Using AI (29:11) - Wrap Up

Michael Lomax joins Megan Hunter to share practical tools leaders can use right away when high conflict behavior is derailing their team. They cover BIFF responses for written communication, how to redirect disruptive meeting participants, handling chronic complainers with EAR statements, and what it actually takes to build a conflict-competent culture. Plus—details on two upcoming trainings from the High Conflict Institute.Resources from this episode:New Ways for Work Coaches Training — March 3 & 5, 2026Leaders Training: Managing High Conflict Behavior at Work — April 23, 2026BIFF at Work by Bill Eddy and Megan HunterMediating High Conflict Disputes by Bill Eddy and Michael LomaxIt's All Your Fault at Work by Bill Eddy and L. Georgi DiStefanoSubmit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | High Conflict InstituteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:54) - Guest Michael Lomax (04:19) - Workplace Tools for Leaders (05:41) - BIFF Responses (15:47) - High Conflict in Meetings (21:02) - Chronic Complaining (23:37) - Example (26:26) - Healthy Conflict (31:56) - The Training (35:28) - Mindset Shift (38:09) - Wrap Up

HCI senior trainer Michael Lomax joins Megan Hunter to unpack why high conflict behavior is escalating in today's workplaces—and what leaders can actually do about it. Drawing on twenty-five years in workplace dispute resolution, Michael explains why global stress and unresolved trauma are showing up at work, what happens in a leader's brain when they get emotionally hooked, and how to regulate yourself before you respond. You'll learn the "calm before think" strategy for de-escalating upset employees, how to handle a team-wide crisis triggered by one inflammatory email, and when a single conversation with a difficult senior leader simply isn't enough. Whether you're a leader, in HR, or anyone trying to navigate a workplace that feels harder than it used to—this one's for you.Resources from this episode:New Ways for Work Training for Workplace Coaches — March 3 & 5, 2026Leaders Training: Managing High Conflict Behavior at Work — April 23, 2026BIFF at Work by Bill Eddy and Megan HunterMediating High Conflict Disputes by Bill Eddy and Michael LomaxIt's All Your Fault at Work by Bill Eddy and L. Georgi DiStefanoSubmit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | High Conflict InstituteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:19) - Michael's Background (02:35) - High Conflict at Work (08:24) - An Increase (11:33) - How It's Showing Up (14:11) - Getting Emotionally Hooked (18:32) - What You Can Do and Regulating (23:12) - Shifting into Problem-Solving (29:13) - Email Conflict (35:40) - Options List (37:14) - Wrap Up

Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore one of the most challenging questions faced by people in relationships with partners who demonstrate high conflict behaviors: Is it possible to develop a genuinely mutual and healthy relationship through proper communication techniques and boundary setting, or is managed stability the best achievable outcome?Understanding Relationship Dynamics with High Conflict PartnersThe episode examines the reality that while using specialized communication techniques can help reduce conflict and create more stability, these relationships often remain fundamentally one-sided. The hosts address the emotional toll of being the only partner actively working on relationship improvement and discuss realistic expectations for long-term outcomes.Research indicates that people who exhibit cluster B personality traits commonly demonstrate patterns of domineeringness, vindictiveness, and intrusiveness in relationships. Understanding these patterns helps inform decisions about relationship investment and maintenance.Questions Answered in This EpisodeCan proper communication techniques lead to a truly mutual relationship?What role does counseling play in improving high conflict relationships?How do you approach suggesting counseling to a resistant partner?What are realistic expectations for relationship improvement?When should someone consider leaving versus staying in the relationship?Key TakeawaysSuccess often looks like better containment rather than achieving full mutualityIndividual or couples counseling can help, but finding the right approach is crucialSetting clear limits while maintaining safety is essentialBuilding external support systems helps maintain stabilityPersonal decisions about staying or leaving should be based on realistic expectationsThe episode provides valuable insights for anyone wrestling with difficult relationship decisions, offering both practical tools and a framework for evaluating relationship potential without promising unrealistic outcomes.Additional ResourcesNew Resource for Those Considering Divorce/Separation/Relationship Termination Should I Stay Stay Married or Get Divorced? 1:1 Coaching through an online courseGive your marriage a chance to survive and succeed.Expert PublicationsStop Walking on Eggshells for Partners by Randi Kreger and Bill Eddy, LCSW, JDDating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to "The One" Who Will Make Your Life Hell By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., and Megan Hunter, MBASLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Ekaterina Ricci, MDR, MLSPersonal DevelopmentNew Ways for Couples Online Course + Coaching (give your relationship a chance to survive)TrainingContact us for training for your organizationConnect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:42) - Healthy Relationships? (04:54) - Two-Way Relationship Potential (08:29) - Counseling (10:30) - Couples Therapy (14:17) - Trying Harder? (15:55) - Personality Disorders (17:28) - Domineeringness, Vindictiveness, Intrusiveness (19:19) - Staying for Stability (25:34) - SLIC Solutions (32:02) - Back to Original Question (35:10) - Wrap Up

How he treats you is everything, especially when he's angry. Get the Angry Man Blueprint here.In this powerful episode of This Podcast Is For Women, I'm sharing key insights from my recent interviews with Lundy Bancroft and Bill Eddy, two of the world's leading experts on angry men, high-conflict behavior, and emotional safety in relationships.We go beyond labels like narcissist or personality disorder and ask the question that truly matters:How are you being affected by the way he treats you?You'll hear a powerful clip from Lundy Bancroft — author of the bestselling book Why Does He Do That? — where we unpack:Why the question “Is this abuse?” often misses the pointHow male anger shows up in your body as fear, insecurity, or walking on eggshellsThe red flags of double standards, entitlement, and emotional intimidationI also share highlights from my recent conversation with Bill Eddy, a conflict-resolution expert who works inside the legal system, where we discuss:The difference between high-conflict personalities and men who truly want to changeHow to set clear boundaries and consequencesScripts, tools, and “if-then” frameworks that help you stay calm, grounded, and protectedIf you're navigating anger, emotional volatility, shutting down, avoidance, or feeling unsafe to express yourself, this episode will help you see your situation more clearly — without panic, labels, or self-blame.Both interviews are part of my online course, The Angry Man Blueprint, which includes:Full expert interviewsPractical scripts and boundary toolsTwo additional live classes happening in FebruaryLifetime access to all recordings

Setting Effective Limits: A Conversation About SLIC Solutions for ConflictBill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome co-author Ekaterina Ricci to discuss their new book "SLIC Solutions for Conflict," exploring practical approaches to setting limits and consequences with individuals who demonstrate challenging behaviors.The episode introduces the "two and a half steps" approach: establishing clear boundaries, implementing consequences, and selectively using empathy, attention, and respect (EAR) statements. Traditional empathy-focused approaches may sometimes enable rather than resolve difficult situations, particularly with individuals who demonstrate manipulative behaviors.Bill Eddy outlines five crucial questions for establishing consequences: Is it proportional? Have positive consequences been considered? Is it safe? Are you prepared to enforce it? Do you need assistance?Questions we answer: How can empathy make conflict worse? Why is advance preparation important? How does social media impact younger generations' ability to set boundaries? When should you seek help imposing consequences?Whether managing professional relationships, navigating family dynamics, or maintaining personal boundaries, this episode provides practical tools for setting effective limits while maintaining respect and safety. Learn how preparation, practice, and proper timing can help you implement boundaries with confidence.Additional ResourcesWatch this episode on YouTube!Expert PublicationsSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsHigh-Conflict TrainingUnderstanding & Managing High-Conflict TrainingPersonal DevelopmentConflict Influencer Group Class - starts January 21New Ways for Couples: Online Class + CoachingProfessional DevelopmentFamily Law Consultation Group with Bill Eddy - starts March 2026Connect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:49) - SLIC Solutions for Conflict (01:22) - About Ekaterina (03:23) - Why This Book? (04:07) - When Empathy Makes It Worse (06:31) - Two-and-a-Half Steps (08:29) - Consequence (11:13) - Role Play Practice (13:31) - Learning How to Set the Limit (16:56) - Younger Generations and Setting LImits (20:03) - Social Media Example (22:08) - Surprises in the Writing of It (25:36) - Something Hopeful (29:54) - Creating Space for Yourself (32:38) - The Five Questions (37:55) - The Writing Experience (38:52) - A Few Examples (43:28) - Doing What's Right (46:35) - Wrapping Up

Why do some people seem addicted to conflict — and what can we actually do about it? In this powerful episode, conflict resolution expert Bill Eddy breaks down the four key traits of high-conflict personalities and teaches us how to deal with them — without losing our minds. -Learn Bill Eddy's “BIFF” Response Formula-Discover the 4 types of high-conflict people-Understand why society is becoming more divided — and what to do about it Connect with Bill www.highconflictinstitute.com Bill Eddy's Bookstore Contact ANI ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Request A Customized Workshop For Your Company⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow Kwame Christian on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠negotiateanything.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here to buy your copy of Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life!

Why do some people seem addicted to conflict — and what can we actually do about it? In this powerful episode, conflict resolution expert Bill Eddy breaks down the four key traits of high-conflict personalities and teaches us how to deal with them — without losing our minds. -Learn Bill Eddy's “BIFF” Response Formula-Discover the 4 types of high-conflict people-Understand why society is becoming more divided — and what to do about it Connect with Bill www.highconflictinstitute.com Bill Eddy's Bookstore Contact ANI ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Request A Customized Workshop For Your Company⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow Kwame Christian on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠negotiateanything.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Click here to buy your copy of Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life!

Exposure and Public Shaming as Conflict Management Tools: A Critical AnalysisIn this back episode from the High Conflict Institute podcast, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle a challenging question that many face when dealing with difficult workplace situations: Is exposing someone's problematic behavior an effective strategy for creating change? While the impulse to "name and shame" may feel justified, especially when facing reputation damage or distortion campaigns, the hosts explore why this approach often backfires with high conflict personalities.When dealing with individuals who demonstrate high conflict behavior patterns, the threat of exposure frequently escalates rather than resolves situations. The hosts examine how cluster B personality traits like being domineering, vindictive and intrusive can make public confrontation particularly counterproductive.Key Questions Addressed:Does exposing problematic behavior lead to meaningful change?When might the threat of exposure be strategically useful?How should organizations balance accountability with escalation risks?Core Strategic Insights:Private criticism tends to be more effective than public shamingSkills-based coaching offers better outcomes than humiliationNatural consequences work better than intentional exposureThrough examining both legal precedents and business case studies, the hosts demonstrate why investing in skill development and structured interventions often proves more valuable than reactive exposure strategies. The episode provides concrete examples of more effective approaches, from healthcare settings to corporate environments.Drawing on Harvard research and real-world examples like the Harvey Weinstein case, Bill and Megan illustrate the complex factors organizations must weigh when deciding how to address problematic behavior. They emphasize that while public exposure may occasionally be necessary, it should typically be a last resort after other interventions have been attempted.Additional ResourcesBooks:It's All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsArticles:Fire or Keep High-Conflict Employees?Should Employees with High-Conflict Behaviors Be Given a Chance to Change?Professional Development:New Ways Training Programs (workplace, mediation, divorce)Conflict Influencer Class (for personal situations)Custom Training for OrganizationsHigh Conflict Institute Consultation ServicesConnect With Us:Visit High Conflict InstituteSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection in our online storeFind all episode notes on our websiteImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:31) - Exposure and Humiliation as a High-Conflict Strategy (02:21) - Good or Bad Idea? (08:14) - Exposure Doesn't Necessarily Stop Them (11:08) - Good Strategies (14:53) - Get Toxic People Out of Your Life (18:10) - Conversions Through Coaching (19:57) - Thinking It Through (21:29) - Intervention (24:00) - Coming Next Week: Harry, Megan, and the Coronation

Managing High Conflict in Today's WorkplaceIn this episode from the High Conflict Institute archives, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome Cherolyn Knapp, a lawyer, mediator, and workplace investigator who brings fresh perspectives on handling workplace conflict. While the discussion captures workplace dynamics during an earlier phase of post-pandemic adjustment, the insights on conflict management remain remarkably relevant for today's organizations.Understanding Workplace Conflict PatternsThe discussion explores how traditional workplace conflict resolution methods often fall short with certain behavioral patterns. Cherolyn shares insights from her extensive experience, noting that while standard approaches work for 80-90% of situations, some cases require specialized skills and understanding. Though recorded closer to the initial workplace disruptions of the pandemic, the conversation highlights enduring challenges in managing high conflict situations that continue to resonate.Questions We Answer in This Episode:Why do traditional HR approaches fail with certain behavioral patterns?What makes the New Ways for Work method effective?When should organizations invest in specialized conflict coaching?Key Takeaways:Traditional conflict resolution methods work for most employees but fail with about 10-20% of casesEarly intervention with skill-building can prevent escalation to terminationConnection and empathy are crucial elements in managing high conflict situationsThe New Ways for Work method offers a structured approach that helps organizations identify when standard interventions aren't working and provides alternative strategies. This skills-based program gives both employees and managers practical tools they can implement immediately, proving just as valuable today as when this episode first aired.The episode provides valuable insights for HR professionals, workplace coaches, and leaders seeking to create healthier workplace environments. While some conflict is inevitable in any organization, understanding these patterns and having the right tools can transform seemingly impossible situations into manageable ones.Additional Resources:Books & Training:New Ways for Work® Coaching ManualNew Ways for Work® WorkbookIt's All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps (Pre-order)Professional Development:New Ways Training RegistrationCustom Training for OrganizationsNew Ways ProgramsConflict Influencer CertificationArticles & Resources:New Ways for Work: A New Coaching MethodWhy Can't They Get It? What to do when coworkers and employees have no idea how they behaveConnect With Us:Visit our websiteSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collectionFind all episode notesFollow us on Facebook | Twitter | LinkedInNote: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:42) - Meet Cherolyn Knapp (03:42) - Questions (21:01) - New Ways for Work (29:25) - Tips (31:38) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: (33:42) - Wrap Up

Susan Guthrie welcomes two extraordinary guests whose combined perspectives offer something rarely seen in the world of divorce. Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., returns to the show alongside author Matthew A. Tower, whose new book Love Wars: Clash of the Parents gives listeners an unprecedented inside look at what high-conflict divorce feels like through the eyes of a child. Together, their insights reveal the emotional reality children carry, the predictable patterns behind high-conflict behaviors, and the steps parents can take to protect their kids from the fallout. Love Wars follows Matthew's journey from ages six to eleven as he navigated two volatile households, emotional unpredictability, parentification, negative advocates, and the relentless pressure to choose sides. His story is raw, illuminating, and at times difficult to hear, yet it is also deeply important. Bill helps contextualize Matthew's lived experience through High Conflict Personality Theory and offers guidance parents and professionals can use immediately. This conversation is a powerful companion to Bill's book Splitting and the perfect next step for anyone committed to changing the emotional climate for their children. Why This Conversation Matters High-conflict divorce leaves a lasting imprint on children, but the full internal experience is almost never visible to parents, courts, or professionals. Matthew's story pulls back the curtain on what children absorb, what they fear, how they cope, and why the conflict shapes them long after the legal case is over. Bill explains how splitting, emotional volatility, and personality-driven dynamics create confusion, fear, and reactivity for children who do not yet have the capacity to regulate intense emotions. He also highlights why professionals often miss what is really happening, and how parents can change the trajectory by lowering conflict, creating predictability, and becoming the steady emotional anchor their children desperately need. Together, Bill and Matthew offer clarity, compassion, and a path forward for families caught in high-conflict cycles. In this episode, you will learn: What children internalize during high-conflict divorce and why they absorb the emotional intensity around them Why parentification is so damaging and how children become emotional caregivers when adults are dysregulated How high-conflict parents recruit negative advocates and why these dynamics intensify the conflict Why kids shut down, freeze, or dissociate when the emotional environment becomes overwhelming How calm, consistent adults like Matthew's stepmother Holly can become a lifeline What courts and professionals often overlook when evaluating children's preferences or resistance What parents can do right now to lower reactivity, reduce conflict, and create safety for their children About the Guests:  Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. - Bill Eddy is a lawyer, therapist, mediator, best-selling author, co-founder, and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute. He pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP Theory) and has become an international expert on managing disputes involving high conflict personalities and personality disorders. He provides training to lawyers, judges, mediators, managers, human resource professionals, businesspersons, healthcare administrators, college administrators, homeowners' association managers, ombudspersons, law enforcement, therapists and others. He has been a speaker and trainer in over 30 U.S. states and 10 countries. Visit the High Conflict Institute to find out more about Bill, the Institute's wealth of resources for managing high conflict relationships and more of Bill's books!   https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Listen to Bill's other episode, "Get Ready to BIFF Your High Conflict Co-Parent" on Divorce & Beyond here:  https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-q3hpd-f87a79 Get your copy of Splitting: How to Protect Yourself When Divorcing a Narcissist or Borderline here: https://amzn.to/3C22aGH Matthew A. Tower - Matthew A. Tower is an author, art director, audiobook narrator, and entrepreneur. He first saw Star Wars in theaters at age three. Love Wars: Clash of the Parents, A True Divorce Story is his debut work of literature. Previously, he was founder and CEO of Versus Books, and published more than 50 gaming strategy guides for hits like The Legend of Zelda, selling over 5 million copies. Get your copy of Love Wars: Clash of the Parents here: https://amzn.to/4oCN15T  Learn more at: https://lovewars.com ===================== Make the Most of Your Listening Experience: If this episode resonates with you, be sure to: Subscribe to Divorce & Beyond so you never miss an episode. Share this episode with friends or loved ones who need hope and healing. Leave a 5-star review to help us reach even more listeners. Follow Us Online: Divorce & Beyond:  https://divorceandbeyondpod.com, IG: @divorceandbeyondpod Meet Our Host Susan E. Guthrie®, Esq. is one of the nation's leading family law and mediation experts, with more than 35 years of experience helping individuals and families navigate divorce and conflict with clarity and compassion. She is the Immediate Past Chair of the American Bar Association Section of Dispute Resolution, a best-selling author, and a sought-after speaker, trainer, and practice-building consultant. Susan recently appeared as the featured expert on The Oprah Podcast, where she shared her insights on gray divorce and the changing landscape of relationships. Her expertise has also been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, The Washington Post, NewsNation, and NBC's Chicago Today, among many others. As the creator and host of the award-winning Divorce & Beyond® Podcast, ranked in the top 1% of all podcasts worldwide with more than 3.4 million downloads, Susan brings together top experts and powerful personal stories to help listeners move through divorce and beyond with confidence, insight, and hope. Learn more about Susan and her work at susaneguthrie.com. Divorce & Beyond is a Top 1% Overall and Top 100 Self-Help podcast designed to help you with all you need to know to navigate your divorce journey and most importantly, to thrive in your beautiful beyond!   ***************************************************************************** A Smarter, Simpler Way to Navigate Your Divorce Looking for a clearer and more affordable way to move through your divorce? Check out Hello Divorce. Their guided online platform combines easy-to-follow tools with real legal and coaching support to help you complete your divorce with less stress, less confusion, and far lower costs than a traditional courtroom battle. They have created a special page just for Divorce & Beyond listeners. Explore your options at hellodivorce.com/susan. ***************************************************************************** Opportunities for Expert Guests and Fellow Podcasters Partner with Divorce & Beyond Whether you're a podcaster looking to expand your reach or an expert ready to share your insights, Divorce & Beyond offers the perfect platform to amplify your voice.  Find out more here: https://divorceandbeyondpod.com/guest-opportunities ***************************************************************************** DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN LEGAL ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM

This week on Divorce & Beyond, we are bringing back the number one episode of all time, my conversation with the incomparable Bill Eddy about his groundbreaking book Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This encore episode is more timely than ever and is also the perfect lead-in to next week's very special conversation with author Matthew A. Tower and Bill Eddy about Matthew's new book Love Wars: Clash of the Parents. That episode takes you inside the emotional experience of a child living through a high-conflict divorce. Today's replay sets the foundation for everything we will discuss next week. Why This Episode Matters There is a reason this conversation has remained the most downloaded episode in the history of Divorce and Beyond. Bill Eddy's insights have helped countless listeners understand what is happening in their high conflict divorce, why the conflict feels impossible to manage, and how to protect themselves and their children from the fallout. If you are facing a high-conflict situation, or if your co-parent has patterns of narcissistic, borderline, or antisocial behavior, this episode will give you the clarity and direction you need. In this episode you will learn: • What borderline, narcissistic, and antisocial personality patterns look like during divorce, and why they escalate conflict • The biggest mistakes people make when trying to “diagnose” or explain their spouse's behavior • How to communicate effectively using Bill's BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) • Why judges often get high-conflict cases wrong, and what you can do to present your case clearly and effectively • How to document incidents safely and strategically • What to expect when divorcing a high-conflict person and how to pace yourself for the long haul • When mediation works, when it does not, and why preparation matters • How to stay calm and grounded when your spouse appears calm in court and you do not • The three biggest patterns you must highlight to the court so your case is understood • Why support systems, emotional boundaries, and strategic planning are essential for survival Bill's wisdom is clear, practical, and actionable. Whether you are preparing for divorce, in the thick of litigation, or co-parenting with a high-conflict ex, this episode gives you tools that truly make a difference. About Bill Eddy Bill Eddy is a therapist, lawyer, mediator, and co-founder of the High Conflict Institute. He has authored more than 20 books, including Splitting, BIFF for Co-Parents, and Mediating High Conflict Disputes, and is recognized worldwide as the leading expert on high-conflict personalities and their impact on divorce and family court. He is also one of the most popular and trusted guests in the history of Divorce and Beyond. A Perfect Lead-in to Next Week Be sure to tune in next week when Bill joins me again along with author Matthew A. Tower for a powerful new episode unpacking Matthew's true story of growing up in a high-conflict divorce in Love Wars: Clash of the Parents. It is an unforgettable look at how conflict affects children from the inside. Resources Mentioned • Splitting:Second Edition: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger: https://amzn.to/48eSPfu • High Conflict Institute: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com • BIFF for Co-Parent Communication by Bill Eddy: https://amzn.to/4iqZ18X • Mediating High Conflict Disputes  by Bill Eddy: https://amzn.to/4rlQgkD   Make the Most of Your Listening Experience: If this episode resonates with you, be sure to: Subscribe to Divorce & Beyond so you never miss an episode. Share this episode with friends or loved ones who need hope and healing. Leave a 5-star review to help us reach even more listeners. Follow Us Online: Divorce & Beyond:  https://divorceandbeyondpod.com, IG: @divorceandbeyondpod Meet Our Host Susan E. Guthrie®, Esq. is one of the nation's leading family law and mediation experts, with more than 35 years of experience helping individuals and families navigate divorce and conflict with clarity and compassion. She is the Immediate Past Chair of the American Bar Association Section of Dispute Resolution, a best-selling author, and a sought-after speaker, trainer, and practice-building consultant. Susan recently appeared as the featured expert on The Oprah Podcast, where she shared her insights on gray divorce and the changing landscape of relationships. Her expertise has also been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, The Washington Post, NewsNation, and NBC's Chicago Today, among many others. As the creator and host of the award-winning Divorce & Beyond® Podcast, ranked in the top 1% of all podcasts worldwide with more than 3.4 million downloads, Susan brings together top experts and powerful personal stories to help listeners move through divorce and beyond with confidence, insight, and hope. Learn more about Susan and her work at susaneguthrie.com. Divorce & Beyond is a Top 1% Overall and Top 100 Self-Help podcast designed to help you with all you need to know to navigate your divorce journey and most importantly, to thrive in your beautiful beyond!   ***************************************************************************** A Smarter, Simpler Way to Navigate Your Divorce Looking for a clearer and more affordable way to move through your divorce? Check out Hello Divorce. Their guided online platform combines easy-to-follow tools with real legal and coaching support to help you complete your divorce with less stress, less confusion, and far lower costs than a traditional courtroom battle. They have created a special page just for Divorce & Beyond listeners. Explore your options at hellodivorce.com/susan. ***************************************************************************** Opportunities for Expert Guests and Fellow Podcasters Partner with Divorce & Beyond Whether you're a podcaster looking to expand your reach or an expert ready to share your insights, Divorce & Beyond offers the perfect platform to amplify your voice.  Find out more here: https://divorceandbeyondpod.com/guest-opportunities ***************************************************************************** DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN LEGAL ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM

Is your communication style a red flag?

Setting Limits That Stick: The SLIC Approach to Conflict ResolutionBill Eddy and Megan Hunter discuss SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps, co-authored by Bill Eddy and Ekaterina Ricci. This episode explores how their practical SLIC method (Setting Limits, Imposing Consequences) helps parents establish and maintain effective boundaries with children of all ages.Understanding the SLIC MethodThe SLIC approach combines three key elements: setting clear limits, imposing appropriate consequences, and using strategic empathy statements. This 2 1/2 step method provides a structured framework for parents facing boundary-testing behaviors, whether dealing with toddlers learning self-control or teenagers pushing social limits. Bill's extensive background in child development, education, and family therapy informs practical applications across various parenting scenarios.Questions Answered in This EpisodeWhat are the five key questions to ask when imposing consequences?How should consequences vary by age and development stage?When and how should parents collaborate with teachers on limits?What makes limit-setting effective in divorced family situations?How can parents overcome fear of setting firm boundaries?Key TakeawaysProportional consequences maintain effectiveness and teach responsibilityEarly limit-setting creates foundation for teenage boundary acceptanceParent-teacher-community alignment strengthens limit enforcementBoth positive and negative consequences play essential rolesThe SLIC method works across various family structures and situationsThis episode equips parents, teachers, and caregivers with practical tools from the SLIC method to establish consistent, effective boundaries while maintaining strong relationships with children. Listeners learn how to implement this structured approach across different ages and challenging situations.Additional ResourcesExpert PublicationsNew Book available for pre-order: SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsProfessional DevelopmentInvite us to speak at your organizationNew Ways Training (work, mediation, divorce)Conflict Influencer Class (for personal life)Connect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:46) - Setting Limits (01:22) - Bill's New Book (04:35) - Young Children (10:29) - Do Consequences Work For Everyone? (14:42) - Five Questions (16:46) - Teacher and Student (20:36) - Overcoming Fear of Setting Limits (22:53) - Older Kids (31:58) - Wrap Up

When you've got kids with someone, you need to be able to cooperate. But what do you do if your ex is emotionally unstable/volatile, physically or emotionally abusive, or otherwise difficult?Most partners don't start out that way, of course. As one man put it, it felt more like "the ground could be kind of unstable" in the relationship. Another said, "I was hyper-aware of her emotions all the time, and trying to minimize her upheaval."Maybe the two of you have even tried seeing a couple's counselor. But it didn't work -- or in some cases, even seemed to make things worse. Says one man, "Even in therapy, a lot of it was, ‘You're the cause of this.'"Here, three men share their personal experiences of co-parenting with challenging partners -- women who often have traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).They go into what it was like being in the relationship, the progression from being a childless couple to having children together, and then the journey out. They share both practical and emotional tips about co-parenting, and offer what they've learned along the way.If you're in this situation, may this help to light the way.Memorable quotes:“She said things like, ‘You have ruined my life, and caused me more trauma.'”“It's hard to see that stuff when you're in it.”“In reality, we just had wounds that sort of fit well together at the time.”“I told myself I had a loyalty to her.”“I had so much fear of, 'What's gonna happen if I actually follow through?'”“At some point I didn't feel safe; I felt threatened.”“What made things better for everyone, including my ex, was strong, healthy boundaries.”---Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder (ft. Violet Lange)Book: Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder, by Paul T. Mason & Randi KregerBook: Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder by Shari Y. Manning, PhDBook: Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy, Randi Kreger, et alBook: Parallel Parenting -- The Only Way to Co-parent with a Narcissist: Managing a Counter Parent, Setting Boundaries, and Protecting Your Child From Parental Alienation by Wendy CarterArticle: 25 Fictional Characters People With Borderline Personality Disorder Relate To (https://themighty.com/topic/borderline-personality-disorder/bpd-borderline-personality-disorder-fictional-characters/)

Identifying Red Flags: Making Safer Relationship ChoicesDr. David Wexler joins Bill Eddy to discuss his new book "Choose Him Wisely: How to Identify a Safe Partner," co-authored with Dr. Donald Meichenbaum. Drawing from over 40 years of clinical experience working with relationship dynamics and domestic violence, Dr. Wexler shares crucial insights about recognizing concerning patterns early in relationships.Understanding Warning SignsThe conversation explores three key categories of warning signs: observed behaviors, historical factors, and gut feelings. Dr. Wexler explains how early relationship behaviors like "love bombing," expressions of contempt, and patterns of entitlement can indicate potential future challenges. The discussion examines why psychological abuse often creates deeper lasting impacts than physical abuse through its systematic erosion of self-esteem and autonomy.Questions Answered in This EpisodeWhat are the top three warning signs of potentially abusive relationships?How can someone distinguish between healthy attention and concerning obsession?Why do people sometimes ignore clear warning signs?What role does family history play in relationship patterns?When is couples therapy helpful or potentially harmful?Key TakeawaysEarly relationship intensity ("love bombing") warrants careful evaluationExpressions of contempt and entitlement serve as significant red flagsPersonal boundaries and gut feelings provide valid assessment criteriaUnderstanding attachment patterns helps explain relationship choicesSelf-blame often prevents recognition of concerning behaviorsThis episode provides valuable tools for anyone navigating dating and relationships, offering practical guidance for evaluating potential partners while maintaining healthy boundaries. The discussion emphasizes empowerment through awareness rather than victim-blaming, acknowledging that while warning signs exist, many relationships can provide safe, healthy connections.Additional ResourcesDr. WexlerBook: Choose Him WiselyRelationship Training InstituteOnline Course for Family Law: Conversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 Experts Law PrfProfessional DevelopmentInvite us to speak at your organizationNew Ways Training (work, mediation, divorce)Conflict Influencer Class (for personal life)Connect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:42) - Dr. David Wexler (02:41) - David's Book Choose Him Wisely (03:42) - David's Background (09:23) - Warning Signs (14:25) - Obstructions (23:18) - Psychological vs. Physical Abuse (26:53) - From Victim to Abuser (30:33) - Where Is the Line? (35:09) - Gut Feeling Test (38:07) - Counseling and Couples Counseling (43:34) - Wrap Up

Ever feel blindsided by someone who seemed charming, helpful, or even caring—only to realize later they were quietly dismantling your peace?This week, conflict expert Bill Eddy, author of The Five Types of People That Ruin Your Life, joins Dr. Kerry to unpack the five high-conflict personality types most likely to cause chaos in relationships, workplaces, and families.Podcast Extra Exclusive InterviewFind the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here. More About the Podcast Extra Interview 

Navigating Grandparent Roles in High Conflict DivorcesThis episode of "It's All Your Fault" features Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter addressing two distinct listener questions. The first explores the challenging position grandparents face when their adult children experience contentious divorces. The second examines complex co-parenting dynamics involving an ex-spouse demonstrating high conflict behavior and a new spouse seeking involvement.Understanding Family Dynamics in High Conflict SituationsThe hosts examine how family members can effectively navigate these challenging situations while maintaining appropriate boundaries. They discuss practical strategies for managing communication, setting limits, and fostering healthy relationships during custody disputes and co-parenting arrangements.First Listener Question: Grandparent Support During DivorceHow can grandparents maintain supportive relationships with both parents?What strategies help when grandchildren show signs of alienation?How should grandparents respond to concerning statements from grandchildren?When should grandparents intervene versus step back?What approaches help maintain healthy boundaries while supporting the family?Second Listener Question: Co-Parenting with Ex-Spouse and New WifeHow to manage communication with an ex-spouse showing high conflict behavior?What boundaries make sense when dealing with military-related trauma?Should you engage with the new wife's attempts at relationship building?How to maintain BIFF communication effectively?When is parallel parenting more appropriate than attempted collaboration?Throughout the episode, the hosts emphasize several key approaches for managing these complex situations. They stress the importance of setting clear, matter-of-fact limits to maintain healthy relationships and recommend using the "four big skills" framework when teaching children appropriate behaviors. The discussion highlights how parallel parenting often proves more sustainable than forced closeness, and emphasizes the value of building trust gradually rather than rushing relationships. The hosts also underscore the importance of maintaining healthy skepticism while remaining open to positive developments in these challenging family dynamics.The episode provides valuable insights for grandparents, divorced parents, and new spouses navigating complex family dynamics. While recognizing the challenges of these situations, the hosts offer practical approaches that prioritize children's wellbeing while maintaining appropriate boundaries.Additional ResourcesExpert Publications⇨ Book (pre-orders - publishing November 2025):  SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps⇨ Book: BIFF for CoParent Communication (Appendix B mentioned in podcast)⇨ Book: Don't Alienate the KidsPersonal Transformation Solutions⇨ Conflict Influencer® 6-week class (Zoom) for everyone⇨ New Ways for Families® Co-parenting Without Court Online Class (with optional coaching - mentioned in podcast)⇨ 1:1 Coaching & Consultation (For Your Legal Case w/ Bill Eddy; For Other Situations w/ Megan Hunter)Professional Development⇨ Bill Eddy's Signature New Ways Training (for mediators; for counselors and divorce coaches; for workplace coaches; for workplace leaders)Connect With Us⇨ Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com⇨ Submit questions for Bill and Megan⇨ Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats⇨ Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - More Listener Questions (01:20) - Grandparents in High Conflict Divorces (18:21) - Settling Limits with Ex and His New Wife (28:46) - Wrap Up

Navigating Complex Relationships: From Personal Transformation to Step-Family DynamicsBill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore two compelling listener questions involving relationship challenges and personal growth. This episode provides valuable insights for anyone dealing with complex interpersonal dynamics or seeking lasting behavioral change.Understanding Personal Transformation and High-Conflict RelationshipsThe episode examines how individuals can create meaningful change in their lives through skill development and self-awareness. The hosts discuss practical approaches for managing challenging relationships, particularly in blended family situations where communication difficulties arise between step-parents and biological parents.Questions Addressed in This Episode:How can someone break long-standing behavioral patterns?What role do skills like flexible thinking and emotional management play in personal change?How can step-parents navigate challenging relationships with their partner's ex?What communication strategies work best when dealing with hostile messages?How can someone maintain boundaries while keeping communications focused on children?Key Takeaways:Change is possible through developing specific skills: flexible thinking, managed emotions, moderate behavior, and self-checkingCreating new behavioral patterns rather than trying to eliminate old onesThe value of "extinction" in managing difficult communicationsImportance of responding only to relevant information in hostile messagesUnderstanding that others' hostile behavior reflects their operating system, not personal failingThe hosts emphasize the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm) as a cornerstone communication strategy, along with other practical approaches such as focusing on logistics and future-oriented communications, maintaining boundaries while staying civil, recognizing when non-response is the best response, and separating emotional content from necessary information. These tools provide actionable approaches for anyone seeking to improve challenging relationships or create lasting personal change, while emphasizing the importance of skill development and consistent practice.Additional ResourcesExpert PublicationsBook (pre-orders being taken - publishing November 2025): SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsBook: 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifePersonal TransformationConflict Influencer® 6-week class (Zoom) for everyoneNew Ways for Families® Co-parenting Without Court Online Class (with optional coaching)1:1 Coaching & Consultation (For Your Legal Case w/ Bill Eddy; For Other Situations w/ Megan Hunter)Professional DevelopmentBill Eddy's Signature New Ways Training (for mediators; for counselors and divorce coaches; for workplace coaches; for workplace leaders)Connect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:41) - Listener Question #1 (11:16) - Listener Question #2 (28:52) - Reminders

Navigating Hostile Neighbor Situations: Understanding and Managing Community ConflictResponding to a listener question, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter address a challenging situation many face: dealing with hostile neighbors. This episode explores strategies for maintaining composure while protecting yourself and your family when faced with neighborhood tensions, providing practical insights for those experiencing community conflict.Understanding Neighborhood Conflict DynamicsThe hosts analyze how neighborhood disputes can escalate from initial interactions into ongoing patterns of hostile behavior. They examine how children can be affected by and involved in neighborhood tensions, offering guidance for parents navigating these complex dynamics.Questions Answered in This EpisodeHow can you balance standing up for yourself while keeping situations calm?When and how should you involve law enforcement?What legal options exist for addressing neighbor conflicts?How can parents protect children from neighborhood hostility?Key TakeawaysConsider investigating neighborhood dynamics before purchasing propertyDocument problematic behaviors through appropriate channelsFocus on teaching children effective conflict management skillsRemember that disengagement can sometimes be the safest strategyThis episode offers valuable strategies for anyone experiencing neighborhood tensions, emphasizing the importance of making informed decisions that prioritize safety and well-being while maintaining appropriate boundaries. The hosts' practical approach helps listeners understand when to engage, when to seek help, and when to consider other options.Additional ResourcesBook us for Training or KeynoteExpert PublicationsBook: It's All Your Fault!Book: Our New World of Adult BulliesPersonal TransformationConflict Influencer® 6-week class (Zoom) for everyoneNew Ways for Families® Co-parenting Without Court Online Class (with optional coaching)1:1 Coaching & Consultation (For Your Legal Case w/ Bill Eddy; For Other Situations w/ Megan Hunter)Professional DevelopmentBill Eddy's Signature New Ways Training (for mediators; for counselors and divorce coaches; for workplace coaches; for workplace leaders)Connect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - Listener Question: Civility and Bullying (02:58) - Keeping Things Calm in the Face of Hostility (07:00) - Dogs and Kids (10:45) - Involving Law Enforcement (14:55) - Vindictiveness (22:53) - Raising The Child (25:52) - The Four Big Skills (27:46) - Traffic (33:49) - Wrap Up

In this our next listener's questions episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy address three complex scenarios involving challenging relationship dynamics, boundary setting, and family conflicts.Mike seeks advice about an ex-girlfriend who refuses to leave his home despite receiving money to do so, using suicide threats as leverage. The hosts discuss implementing their new SLIC method (Setting Limits, Imposing Consequences) and the importance of following through with consequences while having appropriate support systems in place. They emphasize that enabling behavior rarely leads to positive change.Leonard from Sweden asks about common response patterns when high-conflict people face criticism. Bill explains typical reactions including denial, blame-shifting, playing victim, and counter-accusations. The hosts emphasize avoiding criticism in favor of future-focused communication and setting clear boundaries with consequences.A couple dealing with high-conflict aging parents seeks strategies for managing necessary family relationships. The hosts discuss balancing caregiving responsibilities with boundary setting, offering practical approaches for limiting problematic behaviors while maintaining connections. They emphasize matter-of-fact communication and consistent enforcement of stated consequences.Throughout these scenarios, common themes emerge: the importance of preparing for predictable reactions, maintaining firm but respectful boundaries, and avoiding the trap of criticism. The episode demonstrates how similar principles can help navigate different types of high-conflict situations, whether with ex-partners, aging parents, or other family members who exhibit challenging behaviors.Additional ResourcesPersonal GrowthNew Ways for Families ® Online ClassConflict Influencer® Class (6 weeks on Zoom)BooksSLIC Solutions for Conflict (pre-order)It's All Your FaultOur New World of Adult BulliesConsultationsBook us for a consultation about your high-conflict situation or legal caseTrainingInquire about having us train your organizationConnect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:46) - Listener Question #1 (12:49) - Listener Question #2 (24:12) - Listener Question #3 (33:48) - Wrap Up

When High Conflict Personalities InteractIn this listener-driven episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy tackle three complex scenarios from listeners, exploring relationship dynamics between different personality patterns, protecting children from parental alienation, and repairing family bonds damaged by forced estrangement.Listener Jay asks about common personality pattern pairings in relationships. Bill Eddy shares that about half of high conflict relationships involve two people with challenging personality traits. Common combinations include individuals with borderline and narcissistic traits, as well as those with antisocial and histrionic characteristics. These pairings often occur because the traits fulfill complementary emotional needs - for instance, one partner's need to dominate matching another's tendency to seek attention.Sarah seeks advice about protecting her boyfriend's five-year-old daughter from the negative influence of a high-conflict co-parent. The hosts emphasize teaching children the "four big skills for life" (flexible thinking, managed emotions, moderate behavior, checking accuracy) early, ideally before age 8-9 when children become more susceptible to parental alienation. They stress the importance of focusing on positive interactions rather than defending against accusations.Joel describes a challenging situation where his wife demands he cut ties with their oldest child and has influenced their younger children, including an 11-year-old, to reject both the oldest sibling and Joel himself. The hosts recommend seeking court-ordered family counseling, especially for younger children, and maintaining a consistent message of refusing to take sides while expressing love for all family members. They emphasize the importance of early intervention to prevent long-term alienation.Throughout these varied scenarios, a common thread emerges: the importance of maintaining boundaries while avoiding extreme responses, teaching resilience skills rather than engaging in conflict, and seeking professional help when needed. The episode demonstrates how similar principles can help navigate different types of high conflict situations, whether in intimate relationships, co-parenting, or extended family dynamics.Additional ResourcesPersonal GrowthNew Ways for Couples & FamiliesBooksDating RadarBIFF for Co-parent CommunicationDon't Alienate the KidsConsultationsBook us for a consultation about your high-conflict situation or legal caseArticleThe Parental Alienation Story: When Kids Resist Parental Contact, Check Each Parent's Story About the OtherTrainingInquire about having us train your organizationConnect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:42) - Listener Question #1 (10:57) - Listener Question #2 (16:35) - Listener Question #3 (23:02) - Wrap Up

REBROADCASTIn this essential encore episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter delve deep into understanding high conflict borderline personalities, often called the "Love You Hate You" types. They explore the complex world of these challenging relationships, where charm can rapidly transform into rage. The discussion illuminates the defining characteristics of high conflict borderline personalities, including their emotional regulation struggles and tendency toward all-or-nothing thinking. Bill and Megan examine the prevalence of borderline personality disorder, the overlap with high conflict personalities, and offer practical strategies for managing these challenging dynamics while maintaining hope for recovery.Additional ResourcesExpert PublicationsSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with BPD/NPDCalming Upset People with EARDating RadarHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesProfessional DevelopmentStrategies for Helping Clients with Borderline Personalities in DivorceConflict Influencer™ ClassConnect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com Submit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online storeFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:37) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 3 (01:10) - Borderline Personality (07:39) - What does the term mean? (08:50) - Looking for Connection (10:42) - Statistics (14:03) - High Sensitivity (16:26) - Splitting (18:22) - Lying (22:01) - Apologizing (24:47) - Why Vindictive? (27:44) - Finding Success (31:50) - Empathy (34:06) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Domestic Violence

Bill Eddy is a licensed therapist, attorney, and leading expert on high-conflict personalities and dispute resolution. He is the co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute and has developed widely used communication strategies such as the BIFF method. Eddy is the author of numerous influential books, including his newest release, Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them – How to Stop Them. Drawing from his dual background in law and mental health, he equips professionals and the public alike with practical tools to manage conflict and reduce drama in legal, workplace, and personal settings.In our conversation we discuss:(00:00) – Who are the five types of people?(03:04) – How do you know if someone is a narcissist?(09:57) – Why should someone care about this?(13:17) – What is the most common way people respond?(16:15) – How are adult bullies different than kids?(21:17) – Is bullying caused by being bullied?(25:46) – How do we identify gray area people?(33:32) – Does this also apply to gray area types?(36:19) – How do we deal with these people?(46:02) – Can people with high conflict traits change?(52:50) – Should we build alliances to handle conflict?(56:33) – Do these strategies apply to love life?(59:57) – How can someone rebuild confidence afterward?(01:08:43) – Do we over-prioritize controllable relationships?(01:11:13) – How can someone heal from toxic dynamics?Learn more about Bill:High Conflict Institute: https://highconflictinstitute.com/Books:https://www.amazon.com/Types-People-Ruin-Your-Life/dp/0143131362https://www.amazon.com/Our-New-World-Adult-Bullies/dp/0757325106Watch full episodes on: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@seankim⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Connect on IG: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/heyseankim

Navigating Modern Divorce: Technology, Communication, and Moving ForwardIn this listener Q&A episode of How to Split a Toaster, divorce attorney Seth Nelson and host Pete Wright tackle pressing questions about divorce in the digital age. The discussion covers everything from managing electronic communications with ex-partners to the challenges of relocation and new relationships.Digital Age Divorce ChallengesThe hosts explore how technology has transformed divorce and co-parenting, addressing concerns about constant communication through phones and co-parenting apps. Seth provides practical strategies for setting boundaries while maintaining necessary contact, especially regarding court-ordered response times and children's FaceTime calls.Legal Considerations and Personal GrowthThe conversation shifts to critical legal topics like relocation, annulments, and protecting oneself in future relationships. Seth emphasizes the importance of consulting local jurisdiction laws while offering insights on navigating high-conflict situations and managing communication effectively.Mental Health and Moving ForwardA significant portion focuses on the value of mental health support before, during, and after divorce. The hosts discuss how emotional work can positively impact custody arrangements and co-parenting relationships, while emphasizing the importance of setting healthy boundaries.Key Insights:• Set clear communication boundaries through co-parenting apps and scheduled check-ins• Consider mental health support early in the divorce process to improve outcomes• Protect yourself legally and emotionally in future relationships through careful planningThe episode provides practical guidance for managing modern divorce challenges while maintaining focus on healthy relationships and effective co-parenting. Listeners gain valuable insights from both legal and personal growth perspectives, helping them navigate their divorce journey more effectively.For anyone facing divorce in today's interconnected world, this episode offers essential strategies for managing technology, protecting their interests, and maintaining healthy boundaries while prioritizing children's well-being.Links & NotesRead BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns by Bill EddyTune in to It's All Your Fault: The Hight Conflict People podcast with Bill Eddy and Megan HunterSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:26) - Question One (06:39) - Question Two (09:27) - Questions Three and Four (16:42) - Question Five (19:12) - Question Six (22:02) - Question Seven (25:07) - Question Eight (25:52) - Question Nine (29:38) - Wrap Up

Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the crucial distinction between temporary high conflict behaviors and established patterns of high conflict conduct. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, we address common misconceptions about conflict dynamics while introducing our new platform, Conflict Influencer, designed to support individuals navigating challenging relationships.Understanding High Conflict PatternsWe examine how situational stress differs from persistent high conflict behavior patterns through an insightful analogy comparing one-time excessive drinking versus chronic alcohol dependence. While anyone may demonstrate high conflict behaviors temporarily during intense stress, persistent patterns typically manifest in:Preoccupation with blaming othersAll-or-nothing thinkingUnmanaged emotionsExtreme behaviorsThe episode clarifies that high conflict patterns often emerge in close relationships but may remain dormant until triggered by significant life changes like divorce or job loss. We emphasize that effective responses avoid giving insight, emotional engagement, or labels, instead focusing on future solutions rather than past conflicts.Questions We Answer in This EpisodeIs high conflict behavior always situational?Does conflict always require two participants?How can professionals identify pattern-based versus situational conflict?What approaches work best with individuals demonstrating high conflict patterns?What resources are available through the new Conflict Influencer platform?We also introduce ConflictInfluencer.com, our new online community and learning platform offering individual coaching, consultation services, and comprehensive support for personal conflict challenges. This platform provides both self-directed and guided learning options, making conflict management resources more accessible to individuals seeking ongoing skill development.Special emphasis is placed on the importance of practice and support in building confidence when managing difficult interactions. We demonstrate how the same conflict management skills work effectively for both situational and pattern-based conflicts, while providing practical frameworks for understanding and navigating challenging relationships more effectively.Additional ResourcesConflict Influencer: Enter our Conflict Influencer World—a place for anyone and everyone who needs help, support and skills for conflict along the spectrum, especially high-conflict.Check out Sierralin Design!Connect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:42) - Updates (03:00) - Today's Topics (03:48) - Is High Conflict Situational? (12:44) - Things to Avoid with an HCP (13:04) - Four Things to Know to Avoid (13:33) - Don't Focus on Emotions (14:10) - Avoid the Past (14:29) - Don't Tell Them They're an HCP (15:19) - Non-HCPs (17:00) - Watch for Patterns (18:09) - One HCP or Two People in Conflict? (22:36) - Conflict Influencer (32:05) - Questions (42:24) - Wrap Up (43:02) - Reminders & See You in September! Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Child Sexual Abuse Allegations in Family Court: Expert Insights with Dr. Wendy BourgIn this compelling episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome clinical psychologist Dr. Wendy Bourg for a rare and candid discussion about one of family court's most challenging issues. With decades of experience developing forensic interview guidelines and working directly with families, Dr. Bourg shares invaluable insights about navigating these complex situations.The conversation explores how courts, professionals, and families can move beyond emotional reactions to find practical solutions that prioritize child wellbeing. Dr. Bourg challenges common assumptions and offers fresh perspectives on handling these sensitive cases, drawing from her extensive work in Oregon's family court system.Questions Explored in This EpisodeWhat makes these cases particularly challenging for family courts?How can professionals avoid common pitfalls when investigating allegations?What approaches best serve children caught in these situations?Where do well-meaning professionals sometimes go wrong?How can courts balance competing priorities in unclear cases?Key Reasons to ListenGain practical insights from a leading expert in the fieldLearn about surprising research findings that challenge conventional wisdomUnderstand how to avoid common mistakes that can harm familiesDiscover innovative approaches to handling complex casesHear real-world examples that illuminate better ways forwardWhether you're a family court professional, mental health practitioner, or concerned parent, this episode offers crucial insights for anyone seeking to better understand and address these challenging situations. Join us for this important conversation that goes beyond typical discussions to explore practical, balanced approaches that put children first.Additional ResourcesGuest, Dr. Wendy Bourghttps://drwendybourg.com/Expert PublicationsEvaluating Sexual Abuse Reports In Family Court by Dr. Wendy BourgTell Me What Happened: Questioning Children About Abuse by Michael LambJeopardy in the Courtroom: A Scientific Analysis of Children's Testimony by Stephen CeciProfessional & Personal DevelopmentConflictInfluencer.com (website for individuals dealing with high-conflict in personal life)New Ways for Families® Training: For family and divorce professionalsConnect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:31) - Child Sexual Abuse Allegations in Family Court (02:02) - Meet Dr. Wendy Bourg (03:19) - Her Interest in This Work (07:45) - Karpman Drama Triangle (09:35) - Prevalence (13:42) - True or Not True? (18:20) - Safety First and Hippocratic Oath (23:55) - Grey Area Solutions (24:42) - Increase in Frequency? (30:24) - Cycles of Hysteria (33:10) - Therapists and Forensic Truths (36:26) - Flaws Still in the System (37:36) - Working to Help Parents Come Around (39:07) - Percent of Cases That Are True (42:32) - Best Practice Tips (45:38) - No Common Trigger Points (47:10) - Thoughts for Judges (49:19) - Non-Family Members (50:39) - Wrap Up (51:55) - Reminders Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

If you've ever fired off an angry text, regretted it immediately, or found yourself stuck in never-ending drama with your ex—this episode is for you. Andrea and Morgan sit down with the legendary Bill Eddy (lawyer, therapist, mediator, and creator of the BIFF method) to unpack exactly how to communicate with high-conflict people—without losing your mind (or your case).You'll learn why your responses might be feeding the fire, what judges actually notice in emails, and the two acronyms that can completely transform how you co-parent with a difficult ex. Whether you're in the thick of divorce or trying to rebuild your peace afterward—this is a must-listen.What you'll learn:What the BIFF method is (and why every lawyer uses it)How to end hostile conversations without fueling the fireWhat judges think when they read your emailsHow to save major money by communicating smarterThe difference between reacting and respondingWhy empathy is a power move (not a weakness)How to stop playing the blame game and move forwardThe biggest legal risk of oversharing via text or emailHow to draft a response that makes your ex pause, not pounceWhat “emotional mirroring” is—and how to avoid itBurning questions answered in this episode:What do I actually say when my ex sends a nasty email?How can I communicate effectively if my ex is a narcissist?Should I respond to everything my co-parent says?Why does tone matter if we're already in court?How do I keep conflict from costing me a fortune?Connect with Bill Eddy:Website: www.highconflictinstitute.comBooks: BIFF for Co-Parent Communication, Ear Statements, and moreInstagram: @highconflictinstituteOur Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago

In this episode, my guest is Bill Eddy, a lawyer, licensed therapist, professional mediator, and faculty member at the Pepperdine University School of Law. He specializes in identifying, reducing friction with, and disentangling from high-conflict individuals. We explain how high-conflict personalities differ from personality disorders and examine the cycles of blame and drama that cause persistent conflict in their relationships. We discuss how to quickly recognize high-conflict individuals based on specific criteria and behaviors, helping listeners learn to spot their less obvious tactics. You'll also learn how to disengage from them with minimal friction and understand the methods they use to draw people back in or keep conflict alive. Additionally, we cover effective communication strategies for mediating situations involving high-conflict individuals, emphasizing empathy and problem-solving approaches. This episode equips listeners with tools to navigate conflict in various contexts, promoting resolutions that benefit all parties involved. Access the full show notes for this episode at hubermanlab.com. Thank you to our sponsors AG1: https://drinkag1.com/huberman Maui Nui Venison: https://mauinuivenison.com/huberman ExpressVPN: https://expressvpn.com/huberman Function: https://functionhealth.com/huberman David Protein: https://davidprotein.com/huberman Timestamps 00:00:00 Bill Eddy 00:02:58 Sponsors: Maui Nui & ExpressVPN 00:06:41 High-Conflict Families, High-Conflict Individuals & Patterns 00:10:48 Personality Disorders, Prevalence & Overlap 00:18:28 High-Conflict Personality vs. Personality Disorders, Blame 00:24:33 High-Conflict Individuals, Tool: First-Year Rule & Commitment 00:30:53 Sponsor: AG1 00:32:05 Relationship Stability, Tool: Vetting Potential Partners 00:38:54 Heightened Emotions, Negative Advocates, Divorce 00:47:50 Brain, Plasticity & Fear; Bullies, Polarization 00:54:51 Sponsors: Function & David 00:58:00 Emotions, Media, Politics 01:04:57 Tool: WEB Method, Identify High-Conflict Individuals 01:12:20 Body Cues, Identify High-Conflict Individuals 01:18:40 Tool: Don't Label & Empathy; Adapting Your Behavior 01:23:12 High Conflict Personalities & Occupations 01:28:18 Big Personalities: Evidence vs Assumptions 01:37:27 Tool: Leaving a Combative High-Conflict Individual, Blame, Gradual Exit 01:45:41 Exiting a High Conflict Relationship & Timing 01:49:27 Tool: Disentangling from a Victim High-Conflict Individual, “Hoovering” 01:52:32 High Conflict Divorce, Small Families & Parental Estrangement 01:57:01 Tool: Managing Emotions & Relationships, EAR Statements 01:59:52 Large Families & Conflict Resolution 02:04:11 Bullies & Online Social Groups 02:09:18 Personality Disorders, Causes, Culture 02:13:09 Tool: 4 “Fuhgeddaboudits”, Topics to Avoid in High Conflict Resolution 02:19:50 Tool: CARS Method, Connecting & EAR Statements, Analyzing 02:27:03 Tool: CARS Method, Responding & BIFF Response, Setting Limits & SLIC 02:36:40 Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow & Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Protocols Book, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter Disclaimer & Disclosures