Podcast appearances and mentions of Bill Eddy

When High Conflict Takes You By SurpriseLife can change dramatically when you unexpectedly encounter a person who demonstrates high conflict behavior. Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter from the High Conflict Institute in Scottsdale, Arizona, explore the unsettling experience of being blindsided by high conflict situations—whether in a new job, relationship, or family dynamic.Understanding the Impact of Unexpected High ConflictWhen high conflict behavior emerges unexpectedly, it often creates a destabilizing ripple effect. The initial confusion and self-doubt can leave anyone questioning their capabilities and judgment. This episode examines how these situations develop, from the early stages of confusion through the progression of mounting tension and isolation.Recognizing High Conflict PatternsThe most challenging aspect of surprise high conflict situations is their ability to create self-doubt in even the most confident individuals. What begins as an attempt to improve communication or performance often escalates into a pattern of increasing criticism and isolation. Understanding these patterns helps identify when you're dealing with high conflict behavior rather than typical workplace or relationship challenges.Questions We Answer in This EpisodeHow do you recognize when self-doubt stems from high conflict behavior?What makes group high conflict situations especially challenging?Why do attempts to "try harder" often backfire with high conflict people?How can you protect yourself from high conflict surprises?Key TakeawaysRemember "It's not about me" when facing unexpected criticism90% of people don't engage in high conflict behaviorPhysical distance can help manage high conflict situationsTrust your experience with non-high conflict relationshipsSetting clear limits with consequences can be effectiveHigh conflict surprises can happen to anyone, anywhere. This episode provides practical insights for recognizing, understanding, and managing these challenging situations while maintaining your confidence and perspective.Additional ResourcesExpert PublicationsIt's All Your Fault at Work! Dealing with Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People - Managing High Conflict Workplace Dynamics5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life - Understanding High Conflict BehaviorProfessional DevelopmentNew Ways for Couples & Families: Online relationship strengthening courseConflictInfluencer.com: Advanced conflict management training (Coming Soon)Connect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:32) - High Conflict Surprises (02:37) - Updates (03:32) - Bill's Example (09:07) - What Happens In Our Minds (11:03) - Progression and Impact (13:02) - CARS Method (20:23) - Recentering Yourself (23:59) - New on the Job (26:08) - High Conflict Traps (27:19) - Target of Blame (29:00) - Larger Groups (31:42) - Wrap Up (32:44) - Reminders Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

While we're on our hiatus, we're playing some of our popular episodes again from our ‘5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life' series. Enjoy!REBROADCASTNavigating Narcissistic High Conflict PersonalitiesIn this revealing episode of "It's All Your Fault," part of the Five Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life series, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy explore the world of narcissistic high conflict personalities. They delve into the key traits of narcissists, the distinction between grandiose and vulnerable narcissists, and the potential connection between narcissistic personalities and domestic violence.Recognizing Narcissistic High Conflict PersonalitiesBill and Megan outline the defining characteristics of narcissistic high conflict personalities, such as their incessant need to feel superior, their sense of entitlement, and their lack of empathy. They explain how these individuals often exploit and mistreat others to preserve their grandiose self-image and how they respond when confronted with perceived challenges to their superiority.The Two Faces of Narcissism: Grandiose vs. VulnerableNot all narcissists are alike. Bill and Megan explore the contrasts between grandiose and vulnerable narcissists. Grandiose narcissists tend to be more calculated and predatory in their actions, while vulnerable narcissists are generally more reactive and emotionally unstable. Grasping these nuances can be essential in recognizing and handling high conflict personalities.Narcissism in Various ContextsNarcissistic personalities can be encountered in various aspects of life, but some fields and occupations appear to draw them more than others. Bill and Megan discuss the prevalence of narcissists in healthcare, higher education, and the tech industry, and how these individuals can foster toxic work environments and strained relationships.Questions we answer in this episode:What defines narcissistic high conflict personalities?How do grandiose and vulnerable narcissists differ in their conduct?Which fields and occupations are more likely to attract narcissistic personalities?Is there a link between narcissism and domestic violence?How can you identify and cope with a narcissistic high conflict personality?Key Takeaways:Narcissistic high conflict personalities constantly strive to feel superior and entitled.They often lack empathy and manipulate others to uphold their inflated self-image.Grandiose narcissists are more calculated, while vulnerable narcissists are more reactive.Some fields, like healthcare and higher education, may attract more narcissists.Recognizing the differences between narcissistic personalities can aid in identifying and managing them.This episode offers valuable insights into the intricate realm of narcissistic high conflict personalities. Whether you're navigating a relationship with a narcissist in your personal life or at work, Bill and Megan's expertise and practical guidance can help you manage these challenging interactions and safeguard your well-being.Links & Other NotesCOURSESConversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 ExpertsHandling Family Law Cases Involving Narcissistic High Conflict PeopleBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeDating RadarSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderARTICLESDomestic Violence vs. High Conflict Families: Are one or two people driving the conflict?Narcissists As LeadersLiving with High Conflict People Series: Do's and Don'ts for Living with a Narcissist High Conflict PersonNarcissists as Leaders: Good or Bad for Your Organization?DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HELPNational Domestic Violence Hotline800.799.SAFE (7233) USAServices AustraliaFamily Violence Resources CanadaOTHER COUNTRIES: do an online search for “domestic violence in ___ (your country or city's name)”OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 6 (01:18) - Narcissistic HCPs (02:48) - Social Impairment and/or Internal Distress (04:55) - See Themselves as Superior (12:02) - Feeling Entitled to Special Treatment (13:16) - Lacking Empathy (21:12) - Stats (24:06) - The Two Types (27:17) - Lying (29:41) - Apologizing (33:02) - Domestic Violence (35:11) - Stalking (36:01) - Letting Go of Relationships (40:12) - Signs If It's Your Partner (44:11) - Steps to Take (46:30) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: A Special Guest Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

In this video, I review The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life by Bill Eddy — a powerful guide to recognizing and protecting yourself from high-conflict personalities. Learn how to spot toxic behavior, set boundaries, and avoid emotional traps. I'll share key insights, practical strategies, and my personal reflections on dealing with difficult people. If you've ever felt drained by someone's behavior, this is a must-watch!Link to our Video version of the podcast - https://www.youtube.com/@TheDaylightPodcastIf you're interested in supporting my content creation journey and buying me books, click this link! (අපේ පොඩ්කාස්ට් එකට උදව් කරන්න කැමති අය මේ ලින්ක් එකෙන් එන්න) - https://buymeacoffee.com/daylightpodcast

While we're on our hiatus, we're playing some of our popular episodes again from our ‘5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life' series. Enjoy!REBROADCASTIntroducing the 5 Types of High Conflict Personalities: Who Can Ruin Your Life? (Part 1)In this thought-provoking first episode of a new series on It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, embark on an exploration of the five types of high conflict personalities who can wreak havoc in your life. Drawing from Bill's book "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life," they provide a broad overview of these challenging personalities, setting the stage for a deeper dive into each type in upcoming episodes.Understanding High Conflict PersonalitiesBill and Megan illuminate the perplexing nature of high conflict personalities, emphasizing that these individuals often lack self-awareness and may not even realize the impact of their behavior on others. They stress the importance of recognizing patterns of behavior rather than focusing on isolated incidents, as high conflict personalities tend to exhibit consistent patterns of blame-shifting, all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, and extreme behaviors.Navigating Relationships with High Conflict IndividualsThroughout the episode, Bill and Megan offer practical strategies for navigating relationships with high conflict personalities. They caution against common pitfalls, such as attempting to provide insight into the person's behavior or engaging in emotional arguments. Instead, they recommend focusing on the present, offering choices, and using the CARS method (Connect, Analyze, Respond, Set Limits) to de-escalate conflicts and maintain healthy boundaries.Questions we answer in this episode:Who are the five types of high conflict personalities that can ruin your life?What are the defining characteristics of a high conflict personality?How can I recognize patterns of high conflict behavior?What are the common mistakes to avoid when dealing with high conflict individuals?What can I expect from the upcoming episodes in this series?Key Takeaways:The five types of high conflict personalities can have a profound negative impact on your life if left unchecked.High conflict personalities often lack self-awareness and may not realize the impact of their behavior on others.Recognizing patterns of behavior is crucial when dealing with high conflict individuals.Avoid trying to provide insight, engaging in emotional arguments, focusing on the past, or labeling the person.Stay tuned for upcoming episodes that will explore each of the five types in greater depth, providing targeted strategies for managing these specific personalities.Whether you're dealing with a high conflict partner, family member, coworker, or friend, this episode sets the foundation for understanding and managing these challenging relationships. By introducing the five types of high conflict personalities and providing a broad overview of strategies for dealing with them, Bill and Megan offer listeners a roadmap for the upcoming series, which promises to deliver invaluable insights and tools for navigating life's most difficult interpersonal dynamics.Links & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeARTICLESWho Are High-Conflict People?The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeFive Types of High-Conflict Personalities And their targets of blame—and sometimes violence.Anybody You Know? Predictable Characteristics of High Conflict PeopleCOURSESCourses for professional trainingCourses for individualsConflict Influencer Class (live virtual)OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life (01:14) - Creating Awareness (05:54) - Starting to See It Differently (12:09) - Key Characteristics (21:35) - Options (22:40) - Four Forget-About-Its (26:03) - Four Things to Do (29:02) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Narcissistic High Conflict People Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

If you've ever fired off an angry text, regretted it immediately, or found yourself stuck in never-ending drama with your ex—this episode is for you. Andrea and Morgan sit down with the legendary Bill Eddy (lawyer, therapist, mediator, and creator of the BIFF method) to unpack exactly how to communicate with high-conflict people—without losing your mind (or your case).You'll learn why your responses might be feeding the fire, what judges actually notice in emails, and the two acronyms that can completely transform how you co-parent with a difficult ex. Whether you're in the thick of divorce or trying to rebuild your peace afterward—this is a must-listen.What you'll learn:What the BIFF method is (and why every lawyer uses it)How to end hostile conversations without fueling the fireWhat judges think when they read your emailsHow to save major money by communicating smarterThe difference between reacting and respondingWhy empathy is a power move (not a weakness)How to stop playing the blame game and move forwardThe biggest legal risk of oversharing via text or emailHow to draft a response that makes your ex pause, not pounceWhat “emotional mirroring” is—and how to avoid itBurning questions answered in this episode:What do I actually say when my ex sends a nasty email?How can I communicate effectively if my ex is a narcissist?Should I respond to everything my co-parent says?Why does tone matter if we're already in court?How do I keep conflict from costing me a fortune?Connect with Bill Eddy:Website: www.highconflictinstitute.comBooks: BIFF for Co-Parent Communication, Ear Statements, and moreInstagram: @highconflictinstituteOur Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago

Royal Family Drama: Understanding High Conflict Family DynamicsIn this compelling episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter dive into the high-profile family conflict within the British Royal Family, specifically examining the situation with Prince Harry, Meghan Markle, and their relationship with the rest of the monarchy. Through this lens, they explore broader lessons about family conflict, institutional traditions, and the impact of public scrutiny on family dynamics.The Role of Media and Public SpotlightBill and Megan discuss how media attention can escalate family conflicts, making resolution more difficult. They emphasize that keeping conflicts small and private is crucial for resolution. The hosts examine how the Netflix documentary, Oprah interview, and Harry's memoir "Spare" have affected family dynamics and potentially complicated reconciliation efforts.Institutional Structure vs. Modern ExpectationsThe episode explores the tension between traditional hierarchical structures and modern expectations of equality. Bill and Megan analyze how this clash affects family businesses and institutions during generational transitions, using the Royal Family as a prime example of these challenges.Family Conflict Resolution StrategiesDrawing from their extensive experience, Bill and Megan share insights about effective conflict resolution techniques, including the importance of private discussions, mutual respect, and the role of skilled mediators in family disputes.Questions we answer in this episode:How does media attention affect family conflict resolution?What role do traditional institutions play in family dynamics?How can families manage public vs. private boundaries?When should families seek outside help for conflict?What makes reconciliation possible in high conflict situations?Key Takeaways:Keep family conflicts private and small-scale for better resolutionConsider the impact of public attention on family dynamicsFocus on future solutions rather than past grievancesRecognize the importance of mutual respect and equalityUnderstand when to move forward versus continuing conflictThis episode offers valuable insights for anyone dealing with family conflict, whether in public or private settings. Through the lens of the Royal Family's situation, listeners gain practical strategies for managing family dynamics, understanding institutional pressures, and working toward meaningful resolution in challenging relationships.Links & Other NotesNEW COURSENew Ways for Couples & FamiliesSIGN UP FOR OUR NEWSLETTER hereOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal or therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:35) - Conflict in the Royal Family (02:08) - Catching Up (05:56) - Harry and Meghan (13:54) - A Grownup in the Room (18:18) - Devil's Advocate (21:28) - The Institution (25:27) - Family Dynamics (27:26) - New Ways for Couples and Families (30:21) - Working Toward Equal Relationships (33:09) - EAR Skills (35:58) - Wrap Up (36:35) - A Brief Hiatus Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

In This Week's The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz, Ilyssa Welcomes Atorney and Partner of Powers Kerr and Rashidi to Discuss Cost of Living Adjustments. CDC and DCA Certified Divorce Coach Lisa Lisser on Child Centered Co-Parenting Workshops. Co-Founder, The High Conflict Institute, Bill Eddy on BIFF vs. AI The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz is a safe and comfortable place for listeners to put their feet up and escape from the daily grind while we offer you comfort and advice during a challenging and often isolating time in your life. It is hard to turn to friends and family who don't understand what you are going through emotionally, mentally, or economically but we do and there is nothing to feel ashamed about! While the topics and guests will vary every week – the messaging is always the same: we are going to help you get through this dark period and despite how bleak you may think things look. If you cannot see the audio controls,

In this conversation, Bill Eddy discusses the BIFF method for responding to hostile communications, the importance of self-restraint in high-conflict situations, and strategies for protecting oneself in court. He emphasizes the need to keep communication simple and repetitive, and the significance of telling one's own story in legal contexts. The discussion also touches on the impact of family systems on emotional responses and the role of AI in communication strategies.Key TakeawaysBIFF responses help manage hostile communications effectively.Self-restraint is crucial when dealing with high-conflict personalities.Keeping communication simple and repetitive aids in clarity.Understanding family systems can help in managing emotional responses.Telling your own story is vital in legal situations.Protecting oneself from false allegations is essential in court.The BIFF method can be adapted for various communication scenarios.AI tools can mimic BIFF responses, but may not be effective for learning.Emotional stability is key in high-conflict situations.Resources and support are available for those dealing with high-conflict personalities.Chapters00:00 - Introduction to BIFF Responses and AI03:10 - Understanding Family Systems and Emotional Responses05:52 - The BIFF Method Explained09:04 - Self-Restraint in Communication12:13 - Protecting Yourself in High-Conflict Situations14:50 - Strategies for Court and High-Conflict Personalities17:50 - The Importance of Storytelling in Court20:47 - Final Thoughts and ResourcesIf you wish to connect with Lawrence Joss or any of the PA-A community members who have appeared as guests on the podcast:Email-      familydisappeared@gmail.comLinktree: https://linktr.ee/lawrencejoss(All links mentioned in the podcast are available in Linktree)Please donate to support PAA programs:https://www.paypal.com/donate?hosted_button_id=SDLTX8TBSZNXSThis podcast is made possible by the Family Disappeared Team:Anna Johnson- Editor/Contributor/Activist/Co-hostGlaze Gonzales- Podcast ManagerConnect with Lawrence Joss:Website: https://parentalalienationanonymous.com/Email- familydisappeared@gmail.com

Understanding BPD: Recovery, Relationships, and Legal ChallengesIn this powerful episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome Shehrina Rooney, author and BPD recovery advocate, for an enlightening discussion about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Through personal experience and professional insight, they explore how BPD impacts relationships, parenting, and legal proceedings, while challenging common misconceptions about the disorder.Shehrina shares her journey from being a successful YouTube personality with over 30,000 subscribers to facing significant personal and legal challenges. Her story illuminates the complex intersection of BPD, trauma, and the legal system, particularly in family court settings. She discusses how BPD diagnosis can be weaponized in legal proceedings and the importance of looking beyond labels to see the whole person.Bill and Megan delve into the crucial differences between active BPD symptoms and recovery, emphasizing how courts and legal professionals often struggle to understand these distinctions. The conversation explores the frequent overlap between BPD and other personality patterns, particularly in toxic relationships, and how this affects family court outcomes.The discussion also addresses the stigma surrounding BPD and the need for better understanding among legal and mental health professionals. They examine how reframing BPD as an emotional regulation issue rather than a personality disorder could help reduce stigma and improve treatment approaches.Questions we answer in this episode:How does BPD recovery differ from active BPD symptoms?What challenges do people with BPD face in family court?How can legal professionals better understand and handle BPD cases?What's the connection between BPD and toxic relationships?How does trauma interact with BPD diagnosis and treatment?Key Takeaways:BPD recovery is possible and changes behavior significantlyCourts need to consider both parents' behaviors, not just diagnosesSelf-awareness and support systems are crucial for BPD recoveryTrauma often intersects with BPD diagnosis and treatmentRenaming BPD could help reduce stigma and improve understandingThis episode offers invaluable insights for legal professionals, mental health practitioners, and anyone affected by BPD. Through Shehrina's powerful personal story and the hosts' expert analysis, listeners gain a deeper understanding of BPD while learning practical approaches for handling high conflict situations involving personality disorders in legal and personal contexts.Links & Other NotesGUEST SHEHRINA ROONEYhttps://www.youtube.com/recoverymum (videos not available currently)BOOKSThe Big Book on Borderline Personality DisorderPaperback - on Unhooked Books website(25% discount through 5/31/25)Paperback on Amazon USPaperback on Amazon UKPaperback on Amazon Australiae-BookCOURSESConflict Influencer 6-Week ClassNew Ways for Families® Training for counselors and divorce coachesCounselors hereCoaches hereNew Ways for Families® Online Class for ParentsOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal or therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:36) - Meet Shehrina (09:13) - Recovery and Self-Awareness (16:09) - Changes in Behavior (17:48) - A Lot to Be Learned (22:30) - A Lawyer's Approach (25:31) - A Spectrum (26:56) - Every Case Is Different (28:56) - Slowly Getting Better (31:17) - Emotion Disregulation (32:44) - Therapists (34:33) - What's Going On and What to Do (39:47) - Combinations (41:49) - Determining the Strategy of What to Do (42:47) - Women vs. Men (43:28) - Wrap Up (44:05) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Another Guest! Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

In this conversation, Lauren Joss and Bill Eddy delve into the complexities of parental alienation, exploring how family dynamics, personality disorders, and emotional health impact relationships between parents and children. They discuss the importance of understanding these dynamics to foster healthier relationships and introduce innovative methods for conflict resolution and communication skills that can help families navigate high-conflict situations.Key TakeawaysChildren grow up in families that see people as all good or all bad.Parental alienation is a gradual process, built brick by brick.Emotional processes in families are often overlooked.Alienating parents may not be aware of their impact on children.Children absorb their parents' emotions, leading to conflict.The dynamics of family systems can create isolation among siblings.Teaching children flexible thinking and emotional management is crucial.Innovative methods can help parents learn to communicate better.Court systems are beginning to adopt new methods for conflict resolution.Support systems are essential for individuals dealing with parental alienation.Chapters00:00 - Understanding Parental Alienation Dynamics10:07 - The Role of Personality Disorders in Family Systems19:54 - Building Healthy Relationships Among Children30:07 - Innovative Solutions for High-Conflict FamiliesIf you wish to connect with Lawrence Joss or any of the PA-A community members who have appeared as guests on the podcast:Email-      familydisappeared@gmail.comLinktree: https://linktr.ee/lawrencejoss(All links mentioned in the podcast are available in Linktree)Please donate to support PAA programs:https://www.paypal.com/donate?hosted_button_id=SDLTX8TBSZNXSThis podcast is made possible by the Family Disappeared Team:Anna Johnson- Editor/Contributor/Activist/Co-hostGlaze Gonzales- Podcast ManagerConnect with Lawrence Joss:Website: https://parentalalienationanonymous.com/Email- familydisappeared@gmail.com

In This Week's The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz, Ilyssa Welcomes Attorney Anna Krolikowska to Discuss The Post Malone Custody Battle. Co-Founder of The High Conflict Institute Bill Eddy on Negotiating with a Narcissist The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz is a safe and comfortable place for listeners to put their feet up and escape from the daily grind while we offer you comfort and advice during a challenging and often isolating time in your life. It is hard to turn to friends and family who don't understand what you are going through emotionally, mentally, or economically but we do and there is nothing to feel ashamed about! While the topics and guests will vary every week – the messaging is always the same: we are going to help you get through this dark period and despite how bleak you may think things look. If you cannot see the audio controls,

Listener Questions: Managing Self-Awareness and High Conflict RelationshipsIn this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, tackle pressing listener questions about managing difficult relationships and developing self-awareness. The episode focuses particularly on handling interactions with individuals who display challenging personality traits and navigating complex relationship dynamics.Understanding Self-Awareness and Conflict ManagementBill and Megan explore the crucial role of self-awareness in managing high conflict tendencies. They emphasize that approximately 10% of people exhibit high conflict personality traits, with self-awareness being a key differentiator in relationship success. The hosts discuss practical tools like the BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm) method and EAR statements for better communication.Navigating Complex RelationshipsThe discussion delves into strategies for dealing with challenging personalities in various contexts, including co-parenting situations and mediation. Bill and Megan stress the importance of setting realistic expectations and knowing when to try alternative approaches if initial strategies aren't working.Personal Change and External InfluencesAn important segment addresses how manipulative relationships can impact otherwise healthy individuals, potentially causing them to display uncharacteristic behaviors. The hosts explore the importance of maintaining personal boundaries and recognizing when to seek professional help.Questions we answer in this episode:How can someone who recognizes their own high conflict tendencies improve their relationships?What strategies work best when mediating with challenging personalities?Can manipulative relationships cause someone to display high conflict behaviors?How should one approach personality changes in relationships?What role do organizational structures play in conflict resolution?Key Takeaways:Self-awareness is crucial for managing high conflict tendenciesSet clear boundaries and know when to stop trying certain approachesSudden personality changes should prompt medical evaluationManipulative relationships can affect anyone's behaviorSupport systems and professional help are valuable resourcesThis episode provides valuable insights for anyone dealing with challenging relationships or working to improve their own conflict management skills. Bill and Megan offer practical tools and compassionate guidance while maintaining professional boundaries and emphasizing the importance of seeking appropriate medical and mental health support when needed.Links & Other NotesPROFESSIONAL TRAININGNew Ways for Mediation training for professionalsCOURSES & CLASSESNew Ways for Life (training to help young people learn 4 Big Skills)Conflict Influencer Group ClassBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal or therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:40) - Listener Questions (02:02) - Question One (06:03) - Question Two (11:28) - Question Three (13:38) - Question Four (18:59) - Question Five (22:40) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Bully Bosses Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

In this episode, I'm joined by Bill Eddy—founder of the High Conflict Institute and a leader in the fields of mediation and conflict resolution. We talk about the complexities of high conflict personalities and the emotional dynamics that make certain discussions difficult to manage. Drawing from his background as both a therapist and a lawyer, Bill shares practical strategies for mediators, therapists, and anyone navigating emotionally charged conversations.We talk about the EAR method (Empathy, Attention, Respect), the BIFF approach (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm), and how social media fuels conflict dynamics. Whether you're dealing with legal disputes, family disagreements, or tough workplace conversations, this episode is packed with insights on how to manage conflict more effectively—without losing your cool.00:00 – Introduction to High Conflict Dynamics02:59 – Bill's Journey from Therapy to Law05:53 – What Defines a High Conflict Personality09:13 – Mediation Techniques & Emotional Insight11:08 – The Role of Emotion in Conflict15:34 – The EAR Method: Empathy, Attention, Respect22:52 – BIFF Responses: Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm33:07 – How Social Media Escalates Conflict44:12 – Practical Tips for Handling High Conflict SituationsFind Bill Eddy:High Conflict Institute Connect with Evelyn Marley:Instagram: @evelynmarleyWebsite: www.evelynmarleycoaching.comDownload the Free Guide:10 Ways to Say What You Mean (Without Starting a Fight)If you enjoyed this episode, leave a quick ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ rating or review—it really helps others find the show. And if someone you now is navigating difficult conversations please send it their way.high conflict, mediation, personality disorders, emotional management, conflict resolution, communication strategies, empathy, emotional intelligence, legal disputes, therapy, interpersonal relationships, social media, conflict management

Navigating Complex Family Dynamics: Your Questions AnsweredIn this listener-focused episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter address pressing questions about dealing with high conflict personalities in family relationships. The episode dives deep into managing challenging family dynamics, setting healthy boundaries, and understanding different conflict management styles.Family Relationships and High Conflict PersonalitiesBill and Megan explore a complex situation involving an adopted son who shows signs of high conflict behavior patterns. They discuss how early childhood experiences can shape adult relationships and offer insights into managing these challenging family dynamics while maintaining hope for positive change.Setting Boundaries with SiblingsThe episode examines the delicate balance of maintaining relationships with high conflict siblings while protecting personal boundaries. Bill and Megan provide practical strategies for managing distance in relationships without completely severing ties, emphasizing the importance of scheduled communication and clear expectations.Understanding Conflict AvoidanceThe hosts explore an interesting perspective on highly conflict-averse individuals and their relationship to high conflict situations. They discuss how different personality types interact with conflict and provide insights into professional approaches to managing high conflict situations.Questions we answer in this episode:How can parents maintain relationships with adult children who show high conflict behaviors?What strategies work best when a sibling with a high conflict personality wants more contact than you're comfortable giving?How should you respond to family members who sense your intentional distance?Is there such thing as a "highly conflict-averse personality"?How do different personality types handle conflict differently?Key Takeaways:Personality patterns typically stabilize by age 25Early childhood experiences significantly impact adult relationship patternsSetting boundaries doesn't mean cutting ties completelyRegular scheduled contact can help manage high conflict relationshipsProfessional help can provide valuable tools for managing family dynamicsThis episode offers valuable insights for anyone dealing with high conflict personalities in their family relationships. Through real-world examples and expert analysis, listeners gain practical tools for managing challenging relationships while maintaining their own emotional well-being.Links & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeIt's All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingARTICLESLiving with High-Conflict People Series: Do's and Don'ts for living with a Histrionic High-Conflict PersonCOURSES & CLASSESNew Ways for Life (training to help young people learn 4 Big Skills)Conflict Influencer Group ClassOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal or therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:36) - Listener Questions (01:50) - Catching Up (07:20) - Question One (18:31) - Question Two (26:24) - Question Three (37:39) - Wrap Up (37:57) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: More Listener Questions Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Negotiating with High Conflict Personalities: A Transformative ApproachIn this enlightening episode of It's All Your Fault, hosts Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy from the High Conflict Institute welcome Michèle Huff, author of "The Transformative Negotiator: Changing the Way We Come to Agreement." Through her experience as a transactional lawyer and current executive director at UC Berkeley's Office of Business Contracts and Brand Protection, Huff shares insights that align perfectly with managing high conflict situations while maintaining humanity and connection.The conversation explores how Huff's unique approach to negotiation - emphasizing internal transformation and human connection - can be particularly effective when dealing with high conflict personalities. Drawing from Buddhist principles and years of experience in Silicon Valley, Huff explains how understanding oneself becomes crucial when facing challenging behaviors in negotiations. Bill and Megan connect these concepts to their extensive work with high conflict personalities, showing how transformative negotiation techniques can help manage difficult situations.The discussion delves into practical strategies for maintaining composure when faced with high conflict behaviors, including the use of "anchoring" techniques and mindful breathing. Particularly valuable is the exploration of how these methods can work even in high-stakes business environments where traditional aggressive negotiation tactics are common. The episode also addresses cultural differences in negotiation styles, offering insights into managing high conflict situations across cultural boundaries.Questions we answer in this episode:How do you maintain effectiveness when dealing with high conflict personalities?What techniques help keep negotiations productive when emotions run high?How can you recognize early warning signs of high conflict behavior in negotiations?When should you walk away from a negotiation?What role does self-awareness play in managing difficult negotiations?Key Takeaways:Understanding your own triggers helps manage high conflict situationsHuman connection can defuse potentially volatile negotiationsPhysical and emotional well-being directly impacts negotiation successSetting appropriate boundaries is crucial in high conflict situationsTransformative negotiation techniques work in both personal and professional contextsThis episode provides essential insights for anyone who deals with high conflict personalities in negotiations, from business professionals to mediators to individuals managing personal relationships. Huff's approach to transformative negotiation, combined with Bill and Megan's expertise in high conflict personalities, offers practical strategies for achieving better outcomes while maintaining professional boundaries and personal well-being.Links & Other NotesBOOKSThe Transformative Negotiator: Changing the Way We Come to Agreement (Revised & Updated Edition)Purchase on our website: https://www.unhookedmedia.com/stock/p/transformative-negotiator-fcgdxPurchase on AmazonGUEST MICHELE HUFF WEBSITEhttps://michelehuff.com/2nd-edition-book/ARTICLESRead Michele's blogOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:43) - Michèle Huff (05:27) - Her Background (11:28) - Book's Title (13:15) - Soft Skills in Negotiations (17:37) - Transferring Skills (20:55) - Mistakes in Negotiating (25:51) - Negotiating with HCPs (34:28) - Caring and Authenticity (40:38) - Finding Your Anchors and Keeping Deadlines at Bay (45:53) - Resistance (50:27) - Dedication (54:13) - Wrap Up (55:00) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Kara Rubenstein on DNA Surprises Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness in Family Court: A Judge's PerspectiveIn this enlightening episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome back retired Judge Bruce Cohen to discuss the critical differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness in family court proceedings. With decades of combined experience in family law, social work, and conflict resolution, the trio explores how presentation style can significantly impact case outcomes, especially in custody disputes.Understanding the Impact of Communication StyleJudge Cohen shares invaluable insights about how judges perceive different communication approaches in the courtroom. He emphasizes that while both assertive and aggressive styles express thoughts, feelings, and needs, assertiveness does so respectfully while aggressiveness relies on blame and confrontation. Bill and Megan explore this distinction through real-world examples and practical applications.The Role of Personality Disorders in CourtThe discussion delves into Bill's book Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The hosts and Judge Cohen examine how to address concerning behavior patterns without falling into the trap of amateur diagnosis or labeling. They stress the importance of focusing on specific behaviors and their impact rather than clinical terms.Effective Court CommunicationBill shares his expertise on writing for court, offering practical tips for presenting information effectively. Judge Cohen provides valuable feedback from the bench's perspective, confirming the importance of clear, organized, and relevant presentation of facts. The conversation highlights how proper documentation and presentation can significantly influence court outcomes.Questions we answer in this episode:What's the difference between assertive and aggressive communication in court?How do judges perceive different communication styles?When should personality disorder concerns be raised in court?How should evidence be presented most effectively?What communication mistakes commonly harm court cases?Key Takeaways:Focus on specific behaviors rather than diagnostic labelsPresent your strongest evidence first rather than chronologicallyStart documents by clearly stating what you wantRespond to false allegations with measured, factual responsesUse headers and organized presentation in court documentsThis episode provides essential insights for anyone involved in family court proceedings, whether as a party, attorney, or helping professional. The combination of judicial perspective, clinical expertise, and practical experience offers listeners a comprehensive understanding of effective court communication strategies.Links & Other NotesCLASSESConflict Influencer (live group class)Writing for Court: 10 Tips for Persuading Decision-Makers (self-directed 1-hour course)BOOKSSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderARTICLESTaking the Assertive Approach in Family CourtManaging a Blamer with an Assertive Approach6 Ways You Should Be Assertive in Family CourtSIGN UP FOR NEWSLETTEROUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:37) - Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness (13:36) - Easy to Read? (15:51) - The Splitting Book (20:04) - Court Experience (23:02) - Patterns of Behavior (25:32) - How to Present (27:47) - Self-Represented Cases (29:36) - Writing for Court (43:29) - Get Away from the Terms (45:22) - Wrap-up (45:49) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: When Your Friend or Family Is an HCP Learn more about our New Ways for Work for Leaders. Get started today!

Understanding Emotion Dysregulation and BPDIn this enlightening episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore emotion dysregulation, particularly focusing on its connection to borderline personality disorder (BPD). Fresh from his New Zealand trip, Bill joins Megan to share expert insights into why some individuals experience intense emotional reactions and how this impacts relationships.The Brain-Emotion ConnectionBill and Megan delve into the neurological aspects of emotion dysregulation, discussing how brain structure influences emotional responses. They explore research about brain development and its role in managing emotions, offering hope through evidence that therapeutic interventions can create positive changes.From Childhood Through AdolescenceThe discussion examines how genetic predisposition, early childhood experiences, and parent-child relationships shape emotional regulation abilities. Bill and Megan provide valuable insights for parents struggling to distinguish between typical teenage behavior and potentially concerning patterns, while exploring how media and social networks can reinforce unhealthy emotional patterns.Questions we answer in this episode:What is emotion dysregulation and how does it relate to BPD?How can parents distinguish between normal teenage emotions and concerning behavior?What role does brain structure play in emotional regulation?Can emotional regulation skills be improved through therapy?How do early childhood experiences impact emotional regulation?Key Takeaways:Emotion dysregulation is a key component of BPD but can be managed with proper treatmentBrain structure plays a crucial role in emotional regulationEarly childhood experiences significantly impact emotional regulation abilitiesThe teenage years present a critical window for developing emotional regulation skillsMedia and social networks can reinforce unhealthy emotional patternsThis episode provides essential insights for parents, mental health professionals, and anyone seeking to understand emotional regulation better. Bill and Megan offer practical, science-based information while maintaining a compassionate perspective on managing big emotions.Links & Other NotesCOACHING & CONSULTATIONConsultation (1-hour)Coaching: Live LabBOOKSThe Big Book on Borderline Personality DisorderThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for FamiliesCOURSESConflict Influencer™ ClassHigh Conflict Legal Dispute Resolver CertificationARTICLESKeep the Conflict Small (with managed emotions)OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:39) - Emotion Disregulation (02:18) - Catching Up (05:53) - Big Emotions and BPD (07:31) - Correlations (08:27) - Quick Shifts (17:54) - Anger Management Classes (19:03) - Teen Years (21:16) - Deciding What's Normal (27:41) - If You're the Parent (29:34) - Media Influence (32:29) - Bottom Line (33:01) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Anger Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

Send us a textYou're barely picking up the pieces, and your ex has already moved on—posting picture-perfect snapshots of their new, fabulous life. Meanwhile, you're left wondering: Were they always this happy, or is this just for show? In this episode, Dr. Kerry and Lisa Sonni dive into why narcissists and toxic personalities seem to seamlessly transition into a "perfect" new relationship. Is it real, or is it just another illusion? And if you're struggling with the gut-punch of watching your ex's highlight reel, we've got practical strategies to help you break free from the comparison trap and reclaim your healing.➡️ Want to watch the Podcast Extra Interview? https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

When High Conflict at Home Impacts the WorkplaceIn this powerful episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore how personal conflicts and challenging situations at home can significantly affect workplace performance and mental wellbeing. The hosts dive deep into understanding the impact of home-based stress on professional life, while offering practical solutions for both employees and employers dealing with these situations.The episode examines how criticism, verbal abuse, and high conflict situations at home can deplete an individual's emotional resources before they even arrive at work. Bill and Megan discuss the neuroscience behind stress responses, particularly focusing on how the amygdala's fight-or-flight response can impact professional performance. They explore how encouraging self-statements can act as a protective shield against negative emotions and criticism.A significant portion of the discussion centers on workplace dynamics and communication strategies. Bill and Megan provide valuable insights into when and how to communicate with employers about personal situations, emphasizing the importance of maintaining appropriate boundaries while seeking support. They also address the employer's perspective, offering guidance on creating supportive workplace environments without compromising professional standards.Questions we answer in this episode:How does high conflict at home affect workplace performance?What strategies can employees use to manage personal stress at work?When should an employee disclose personal conflicts to their employer?How can employers support staff dealing with high conflict situations?What role do encouraging self-statements play in managing conflict?Key Takeaways:Encouraging self-statements can help block negative emotionsPersonal conflicts can significantly impact workplace performanceThe BIF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly and firm) helps manage difficult communicationsConsider consulting EAP resources before discussing issues with employersEmployers should lead with empathy while maintaining appropriate boundariesThis episode provides essential insights for anyone navigating the challenging intersection between personal conflicts and professional life. Whether you're an employee dealing with high conflict situations at home or an employer seeking to support your team members effectively, this discussion offers practical, actionable strategies for maintaining workplace productivity while supporting mental health and wellbeing.Links & Other NotesNEWSLETTERSign upBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeBIFF at WorkIt's All Your Fault at Work!ARTICLESNew Ways for Work®: A New Coaching MethodCOURSESNew Ways for Work®: Training for Leaders (for managers, supervisors, etc. to learn how to handle high-conflict at work)New Ways for Work®: Training for Coaches (for workplace coaches to learn this method to use with clients/coachees)CLASSES: Conflict Influencer™ Class (to learn how to deal with high-conflict) OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:37) - Impact Inside the Workplace when High Conflict's Happening Outside of It (02:06) - Catching Up (05:52) - What High Conflict Feels Like When You're Involved In It (08:17) - Criticism and Beyond (11:23) - Stress and the Brain (14:01) - Conflict Tolerance (17:34) - When You Have to Go to Work (21:01) - Encouraging Statements (23:49) - High Conflict Interruptions (27:56) - Talking to Your Employer (32:24) - If You're the Employer (36:07) - Wrap Up (37:05) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: TBD Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Understanding Psychopathy: Nature, Nurture, and Warning SignsIn this enlightening continuation of their discussion on psychopathy, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter delve deeper into understanding how personality patterns develop and why some individuals with psychopathic traits go undetected. Following up on their previous episode exploring the $460 billion annual cost to the US criminal justice system, Bill and Megan examine whether someone can suddenly "become" psychopathic and discuss the crucial developmental stages that shape personality.The episode explores the fascinating intersection of genetics, early childhood experiences, and cultural environment in forming personality patterns. Bill and Megan emphasize how the first five years of life are particularly crucial in personality development, with many patterns established by age six. They share valuable insights about identifying warning signs in relationships and workplaces, while discussing the historical evolutionary advantages that may have contributed to these personality traits surviving in human populations.The conversation takes an important turn toward practical advice, offering guidance for those who suspect they might be in a relationship with someone showing psychopathic traits. Bill and Megan discuss treatment possibilities, safety considerations, and the importance of seeking professional help when needed.Questions we answer in this episode:Can someone suddenly "switch" to become psychopathic?How do early childhood experiences shape personality development?What are the warning signs of psychopathic traits in relationships?Is psychopathy treatable?How can you safely handle relationships with someone showing these traits?Key Takeaways:Personality patterns are largely established by age 5-6Genetics play a significant role in antisocial personality traitsWarning signs include disconnects between words and actionsTreatment options are limited, especially for adultsSafety should be the primary concern when leaving these relationshipsThis episode provides essential information for anyone seeking to understand psychopathy and its impact on relationships and society. Through practical examples and expert insights, listeners gain valuable knowledge about recognizing warning signs and protecting themselves while maintaining professional and personal relationships.Links & Other NotesPSYCHOPATHY ARTICLEBerkeley Voices Psychopathy goes undetected in some people. Why?BOOKSIt's All Your Fault at Work!It's All Your Fault!Our New World of Adult BulliesCOURSESHandling Family Law Cases Involving Antisocial High Conflict PeopleARTICLESLiving with High-Conflict People: Do's and Don'ts for Living with an Antisocial High Conflict PeopleThe Sociopath: Antisocial High Conflict PeopleSociopaths and Their DeceptionsManipulators in Plain Sight: Spotting Antisocial Personality Disorder OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:39) - Psychopathy Part 2 (02:09) - Can a Switch Be Flipped? (04:26) - The First Five Years (09:04) - Looking for Signs (14:53) - Pushing Forward (23:13) - What to Do (26:12) - Treatment (30:13) - Wrap Up (31:59) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Listener Questions Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Join host Danielle Hutchinson on Authors on Mission as she sits down with conflict resolution expert Bill Eddy to unpack the power of writing as a transformative tool. In this enlightening conversation, Bill shares invaluable insights into turning professional expertise into compelling books, including:Crafting accessible writing that resonates with your audienceUsing the BIFF method to communicate effectively in challenging situationsLeveraging books as a platform to establish professional credibilityTransforming personal experiences into impactful narrativesWhether you're an aspiring writer, professional, or simply curious about conflict resolution, this episode offers a masterclass in turning knowledge into influential storytelling.

Understanding Psychopathy: Costs, Characteristics, and Social Impact (Part 1)In this first episode of a two-part series, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore psychopathy, its relationship to antisocial personality disorder, and its staggering $460 billion annual cost to the US criminal justice system. Drawing from recent research and their extensive experience at the High Conflict Institute, Bill and Megan break down complex psychological concepts into practical, understandable terms.The Spectrum of Antisocial BehaviorBill and Megan discuss how antisocial personality disorder manifests, its early warning signs, and its relationship to psychopathy. They explore how these traits appear in various settings — from business environments to personal relationships — and why early intervention is crucial, particularly before age 15.Understanding Psychopathy's Three Key FeaturesThe episode delves into the three main characteristics of psychopathy: disinhibition (extreme risk-taking), callousness (lack of empathy), and boldness (absence of fear). Bill and Megan examine how these traits manifest in real-world situations and their implications for relationships and society.Modern Diagnosis and AssessmentThe hosts explore the shift from viewing personality traits as fixed characteristics to understanding them as dimensions on a spectrum. This modern approach allows for more nuanced understanding and assessment of psychopathic traits.Questions we answer in this episode:What is the difference between antisocial personality disorder, sociopathy, and psychopathy?How early can antisocial behaviors be identified?Can someone with these traits change with treatment?What role does empathy play in psychopathy?How do these personalities impact everyday relationships?Key Takeaways:Psychopathy costs the US criminal justice system approximately $460 billion annuallyEarly intervention (before age 15) is crucial for changing antisocial behaviorsAntisocial personality disorder affects about 4% of adults, while psychopathy affects about 1%People with these traits often display instrumental empathy rather than genuine empathyUnderstanding these traits can help with protection and boundary-settingThis first episode in the two-part series provides invaluable insights for anyone seeking to understand psychopathy and its impact on society. Whether you're a professional working with high conflict personalities or simply interested in understanding complex human behavior, Bill and Megan's expert analysis offers practical knowledge and protective strategies. Tune in next week for Part 2, which will explore genetics, causation, and additional dimensions of psychopathy.Links & Other NotesPSYCHOPATHY ARTICLE:Berkeley Voices Psychopathy goes undetected in some people. Why?THE MOVIE BILL BROUGHT UP AS A GOOD EXAMPLE OF THIS:Catch Me If You CanBOOKSIt's All Your Fault at Work!It's All Your Fault!Our New World of Adult BulliesARTICLESLiving with High-Conflict People: Do's and Don'ts for Living with an Antisocial High Conflict PeopleThe Sociopath: Antisocial High Conflict PeopleSociopaths and Their DeceptionsManipulators in Plain Sight: Spotting Antisocial Personality Disorder OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:41) - Psychopathy (02:23) - Background for the Conversation (04:11) - Antisocial vs. Psychopath vs. Sociopath (05:48) - Antisocial Personality Disorder (19:13) - Bill's Books (19:44) - Psychopathy and Sociopathy (22:18) - Disinhibition (25:37) - Callousness (29:53) - Boldness (32:08) - Personality Dimensions (35:54) - Wrap Up (36:23) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Psychopathy Part 2 Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

Our guest this time, Bill Eddy, is a family mediator, lawyer and therapist, and the Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute based in San Diego, California. He received his bachelor's degree in Psychology, but didn't stop there. As you will read, he went on to learn and work in the therapy space for a number of years, but his longing to deal with some other issues caused him to study law and after receiving his Juris Prudence degree he worked in the law as a mediator. While doing this he also felt it relevant and appropriate to begin working on ways to address conflicts between persons. He realized that conflict often meant that someone was bullying another person.   Bill and I spend much time discussing bullying, where it comes from, how and why people become bullies and how to deal with bullying kinds of behavior. Our discussions are fascinating and I quite believe important for everyone to hear.   Just last month Bill's latest book, “Our New World of Adult Bullies” was released. Bill discusses his book and why we are encountering more bullying behavior today than we have experienced in the past.   Enough from me. I hope you find my conversation with Bill Eddy relevant, useful and, of course, entertaining.       About the Guest:   Bill Eddy is a family mediator, lawyer and therapist, and the Chief Innovation Office of the High Conflict Institute based in San Diego, California. He has provided training to mediators, lawyers, judges, mental health professionals and others on the subject of managing high-conflict personalities in over 35 states, 9 provinces in Canada, and twelve other countries.   As a lawyer, Mr. Eddy was a Certified Family Law Specialist (CFLS) in California for 15 years, where he represented clients in family court. Prior to that, he provided psychotherapy for 12 years to children and families in psychiatric hospitals and outpatient clinics as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW). Throughout his forty-year career he has provided divorce mediation services, including the past 15 years as the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego, California. Mr. Eddy is the author of several books, including: · Mediating High Conflict Disputes · High Conflict People in Legal Disputes · Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder · Calming Upset People with EAR · BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People · BIFF for CoParent Communication · BIFF at Work · BIFF for Lawyers and Law Offices · So, What's Your Proposal: Shifting High Conflict People From Blaming to Problem-Solving in 30 Seconds · Don't Alienate the Kids! Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict Divorce   He has a continuing education course for Mental Health professionals titled “It's All Your Fault!”: Working with High Conflict Personalities. He has a Psychology Today blog about high conflict personality disorders with over 6 million views. He has a podcast titled “It's All Your Fault” which he does weekly with Megan Hunter.   He taught Negotiation and Mediation at the University of San Diego School of Law for six years. He has served on the part-time faculty of the National Judicial College in the United States and has provided several trainings for judges in Canada for the National Judicial Institute. He is currently on the part-time faculty at the Straus Institute of Dispute Resolution at Pepperdine University School of Law teaching Psychology of Conflict Communication each year. He teaches once a year on Advanced Communication Skills as Conjoint Associate Professor at Newcastle Law School in Newcastle, Australia.   He is the developer of the New Ways for Families® method for potentially high-conflict families, which is being implemented in several family court systems in the United States and Canada, as well as an online co-parenting course (Parenting Without Conflict by New Ways for Families). He is also the developer of the New Ways for Mediation® method, which emphasizes more structure by the mediator and simple negotiation skills for the parties. He obtained his JD law degree in 1992 from the University of San Diego, a Master of Social Work degree in 1981 from San Diego State University, and a Bachelors degree in Psychology in 1970 from Case Western Reserve University. His website is: www.HighConflictInstitute.com.   Ways to connect with Bill:   www.HighConflictInstitute.com.   About the Host:   Michael Hingson is a New York Times best-selling author, international lecturer, and Chief Vision Officer for accessiBe. Michael, blind since birth, survived the 9/11 attacks with the help of his guide dog Roselle. This story is the subject of his best-selling book, Thunder Dog.   Michael gives over 100 presentations around the world each year speaking to influential groups such as Exxon Mobile, AT&T, Federal Express, Scripps College, Rutgers University, Children's Hospital, and the American Red Cross just to name a few. He is Ambassador for the National Braille Literacy Campaign for the National Federation of the Blind and also serves as Ambassador for the American Humane Association's 2012 Hero Dog Awards.   https://michaelhingson.com https://www.facebook.com/michael.hingson.author.speaker/ https://twitter.com/mhingson https://www.youtube.com/user/mhingson https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelhingson/   accessiBe Links https://accessibe.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/accessiBe https://www.linkedin.com/company/accessibe/mycompany/   https://www.facebook.com/accessibe/       Thanks for listening!   Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below!   Subscribe to the podcast   If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. You can subscribe in your favorite podcast app. You can also support our podcast through our tip jar https://tips.pinecast.com/jar/unstoppable-mindset .   Leave us an Apple Podcasts review   Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.       Transcription Notes: Michael Hingson ** 00:00 Access Cast and accessiBe Initiative presents Unstoppable Mindset. The podcast where inclusion, diversity and the unexpected meet. Hi, I'm Michael Hingson, Chief Vision Officer for accessiBe and the author of the number one New York Times bestselling book, Thunder dog, the story of a blind man, his guide dog and the triumph of trust. Thanks for joining me on my podcast as we explore our own blinding fears of inclusion unacceptance and our resistance to change. We will discover the idea that no matter the situation, or the people we encounter, our own fears, and prejudices often are our strongest barriers to moving forward. The unstoppable mindset podcast is sponsored by accessiBe, that's a c c e s s i capital B e. Visit www.accessibe.com to learn how you can make your website accessible for persons with disabilities. And to help make the internet fully inclusive by the year 2025. Glad you dropped by we're happy to meet you and to have you here with us.   Michael Hingson ** 01:21 And welcome to another episode of unstoppable mindset where inclusion, diversity and the unexpected meet. Today, we get to deal mostly with the unexpected, because inclusion is what it is, diversity is what it is, and those we put in the order that we do, because in the typical sense of the word diversity, doesn't intend to include disabilities or any discussion of disabilities. And people say, well, disability means lack of ability when they're talking about any of that anyway. And the reality is that's not true. Disability should not mean a lack of ability. And people say, Well, it does, because it starts with dis Well, what about disciple? Yeah, what about disciple? What about discern? What about, you know, so many other kinds of things. The reality is that everyone has a disability, and we could talk about that, but that's not what we're here to do today. We're here to talk to Bill Eddy, who has written a number of books. He's got a degree in psychology, he's got degrees in law, and I'm not going to go and give all that away, because I'd rather he do it. But we also get to be excited by the fact that he has a new book, and we'll talk about it a bunch. It's called our new world of adult bullies. Um, that's what I say about my cat all the time, because she does run the house and, you know, and we can mention that name, Bill, it's stitch. Now, she's a great kitty, but she she does have her mindset on what she wants, so she's trained us well. Well, welcome to unstoppable mindset. Bill, how are you?   Bill Eddy ** 02:57 I'm good, and thanks so much for having me on. Michael, glad to be with you.   Michael Hingson ** 03:01 Well, we're glad you're here and looking forward to it. Why don't we start, as I love to do so often, why don't you tell us about kind of the early build, growing up, or any of those kinds of things to lead us into where we go?   Bill Eddy ** 03:14 Well, I was one of four kids, and as I mentioned in the introduction of the book in third grade, I had my own personal bully. He decided I was the guy he wanted to pick on and fight. And I think he figured that out because my parents didn't allow us kids to fight, so we weren't allowed to fight back. And you know, my parents said, you know, if takes two to make a fight, so if a fight starting, just walk away. And I said, what if the other person won't let you walk away? So we'll find a way to walk away. So for most of third grade, he harassed me and would catch me after school and hit me and kick me in the the foot of the stairway. We had a basement classroom, and there was a stairway out from there so no one could see and it wasn't easy to get away from but mostly I figured out how to avoid him, and also how to how to help the older kids with their homework, so they'd be more of a protector for me. So that's early childhood, but I think it influenced my my choice as an adult, you know, a psychology major, and then I got a master's in social work to do child and family counseling. Did that 12 years, but I liked resolving conflicts, and decided to go to law school and all of that primarily so I could practice mediation to help people solve conflicts. But many of the conflicts I've dealt with had bullies in them, so I started studying these personalities, and that kind of brings me up to today.   Michael Hingson ** 04:58 Wow. Well, you have certainly written, also a number of books. I was reading your list of books, and you have one on divorce, and clearly there are bullies there, and a lot of places, I'm sure, and you have just a number of books, and I can see where the whole concept of having bullies can be in all of those and at the same time, most of us haven't learned how to deal with bullies. We haven't learned how to address the issue of avoidance, which is what you talked about, but it makes perfect sense. I don't particularly like bullies. I've not been bullied a lot, I think I was a couple of times in grammar school, and a kid hit me a couple of times, and I can only assume that it was sort of a bullish oriented thing, but I don't really recall that anything ever happened other than that. It only happened like once or twice, and then I was left alone. But still, there is so much of it, and there's been bullying to a degree for well, as long as we've had people, I guess, right, and this whole idea of avoiding it is obviously what we need to do, although I guess the other part about it that comes to mind is, how do you get the bully to change their mindset and recognize that that's not the best productive use of their time? Well,   Bill Eddy ** 06:30 what's interesting is childhood bullies mostly do figure that out. And I'd say probably 90% of childhood bullies don't become adult bullies that, you know, somebody punches them in the nose, or nobody wants to be their friend, or they get in trouble at home or at school, and they learn that that doesn't work, but maybe 10% get away with it. Maybe they're encouraged, you know, maybe their parents laugh when they bully other people, and that's that's the ones that become the adult bullies. But what I find, and the Institute I work with, high conflict Institute, we do a lot of training, a lot of coaching, and we we teach people like for workplace coaching to to try to give bullies some conflict resolution skills so that they won't be bullies, so they can solve problems others other ways, and we find maybe half of the bullies can improve their behavior enough to keep the job, and About half quit or are told they need to leave. So I'd say about half of bullies can learn to stop that behavior or rein it in, and about half can't. That's just a real rough estimate from my personal observation.   Michael Hingson ** 07:55 The ones that can't or don't, is it that they get so much satisfaction from bullying and they get away with it that just they just don't see the value of it. Or is it different than that? Well, I   Bill Eddy ** 08:08 think it's not as logical as that. I think it has a lot to do with personality patterns, and the ones that are adult bullies usually have personality patterns that border on personality disorders, especially the Cluster B personality disorders, which are narcissistic, anti social, borderline and histrionic. So it's part of who they are. They're not really even thinking about it. This is just how they operate in the world. And so if they're not stopped, they just automatically do this. If they are stopped or told they're going to lose their job, maybe half of them can rein in their behavior, and maybe the other calf can't, even if they want to, they just can't stop themselves. But mostly it's more or less automatic. Is what I see. They really lack self reflection, and therefore, generally don't change. And one of the definitions of personality disorders is an enduring pattern of behavior, so it's not, not likely to change because they had an insight. Because if they were going to have an insight like that, they would have had it before they became adults.   Michael Hingson ** 09:29 Yeah, and it, and it just doesn't seem to happen. And it is, it is so unfortunate that we even have to talk about this kind of a subject. But it's also very important that we understand it, because I think those of us who aren't bullied or who aren't bullies, still need to understand it's like anything else, still need to understand it in order to learn how to deal with it. I would think,   Bill Eddy ** 09:55 yeah, and I think part of why this. Is coming up now is traditionally in our society. And I know my whole lifetime, adult bullies were pretty much kept on the fringe, and so families said, Hey, you can't do that in our family and communities and schools and and workplaces said that. But what's interesting now is, I'd say, the last 20 years or so, is bullies are getting center stage because all of our media competition, especially the screens we have, are trying to show us the worst behavior so that we'll pay attention to them. So social media, cable 24/7, news, movies, TV shows are all showing bad behavior to grab our attention, but the result of this is that they're teaching bad behavior and tolerating it and giving permission to bullies to act out when they might have kind of restrained themselves in the past.   Michael Hingson ** 11:07 How do we get media, television and so on to change that? I've I've kind of felt that way for a while. I actually took a course in college, um, it was called Why police, which is a fascinating course. It was taught by not a deputy sheriff, but he was a volunteer deputy sheriff in Orange County. He was an engineering professor at UC Irvine, where I went to school, and he and he taught this course, and I made the observation once in class, that a lot of the negativity that we see really comes from what we experience on television. And he said, no, that's just not true, but it certainly is true. Well,   Bill Eddy ** 11:49 especially nowadays, especially nowadays, yeah, yeah. Maybe that wasn't true 30 years ago, but it seems very much true now. Yeah, and you mentioned a study in the beginning of, I think it's chapter two of the book that about it was a workplace study, and if I can quote it, I think this is helpful for this discussion. He says they said there's a 2021, workplace bullying Institute survey. So in the second year of the pandemic, he says 58% of the respondents on the survey agreed that quotes the display of bullying, disrespect and intolerance of the opinions of others by politicians and public figures affected workplaces because they encouraged aggression and granted permission to ignore the rules. And I think it's very direct that the media does impact family life, workplace community and online, for sure.   Michael Hingson ** 13:00 Yeah, yeah, I, I would agree. And, you know, today, and we're not going to talk about specific individuals, but at the same time today, I dare say, there are a number of people who step back and contemplate this whole concept of bullies and so on, who would agree that in the political world there? Well, there are a number, but there's one especially, who tends to be more of a bully. But I would say that there are a number of people in the political world who just want to force their own way, and tend to bully a lot.   Bill Eddy ** 13:34 And I totally agree with you. Even have a chapter on what I call the high emotion media, because it's the emotions, the disrespect, the insulting statements, the personal attacks, you know, I don't like the way you look, or I think you're crazy or you're an idiot, and that kind of message, and If you have that going back and forth between politicians. It's very exciting to watch, but it's not the way you want to live, like you wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that, no, and so. So the media image promotes that because it gets attention. It really grabs attention. And I would I would suggest that it's been over the last 30 years approximately, that politics has become more about entertainment than about government. And the values of entertainment are extreme behavior and disrespect and fighting and chaos and crisis and fear, whereas government is when it's running well is boring, is focused on details, focused on people getting along, having their share of responsibility, all of that kind of stuff. So we've turned the. Values of politics upside down, and we think now that's the way. That's what politics is. And it's unfortunate, because government will unravel if we use the entertainment values to govern the country. Of course,   Michael Hingson ** 15:16 there are a number of people, especially in the media, who would say, but all of this sells, newspapers, all of this sells, and that's why we do it. I I submit that that's not necessarily so. But how do you show people that? Yeah, this sells, but don't you think there are other kinds of things that would sell even more   Bill Eddy ** 15:42 well, it's tricky, but one of my goals in writing the book is to teach people self help skills, to monitor their absorption of high emotion media and to be able to set limits on it. Like I don't like to get more than half an hour of news from a screen. I like reading the papers and reading different points of view. And if you watch more than half an hour and you get this coming in your ears and your eyes and all of that, it just takes over your thinking. And actually, the more repetition there is, the more things feel true that are clearly not true, but the way our brains work, repetition tells us what's really true and what's really important. And TV, even radio, can bombard us with false information that starts to feel true because we get so much of it.   Michael Hingson ** 16:40 Yeah, it's it is someone, yes, I hear you, and it's so unfortunate that more people don't tend to be analytical, reflecting introspective. You know, we talked earlier about the book that I'm writing, live like a guide dog, that will be published in August of this year. And one of the things that I point out in the book, for people who want to start to learn to control fear, rather than letting it, as I say, blind you or overwhelm you, or whatever word you want to use, is you need to become more introspective and look at well, why am I afraid of this? Why am I reacting to this? How do I deal with it? And it doesn't take a lot of time every day to do it, but if you do it for a little bit of time every day, the Mind Muscle develops, and you get beyond a lot of that.   Bill Eddy ** 17:34 I think that's a very important point, as we can train ourselves to what to pay attention to, what to ignore, and we can train our self talk like you're saying. That's excellent,   Michael Hingson ** 17:46 yeah, and I think it's it's all about analyzing ourselves. And something that I learned, and I've talked about it a few times on this podcast, one of the things that I did when I was a program director at the campus radio station at UC Irvine, Zot, K, U, C, I was that I would ask people to listen to their shows. So when I was the program director, we would actually record people talking, and I insisted that they take the cassettes home. Remember cassettes? Boy, is that a long time ago,   Bill Eddy ** 18:19 two, wow, back aways, yeah, even   Michael Hingson ** 18:23 pre eight track, but take the cassettes home. Listen to them, because it's something that I did and and as I grew older and became a public speaker, after September 11, I recorded my talk so that I could listen to them. And I said, I do that because I'm my own worst critic. I'm going to be more hard on me than anyone will. And it took until even after the pandemic started, that I finally learned wrong way to look at it. I'm not my own worst critic. I'm my own best teacher. By analyzing and thinking about it and recognizing that I'm my own best teacher, because no one can really teach me anything. They can present me with the information, but I have to teach myself to learn it. So I realize that, and I'm my own best teacher, and I think that works out really well, and it's a lot more positive anyway,   Bill Eddy ** 19:18 right? Great. And that's that's that promotes lifelong learning. I just reading an article about how a lot of people, you know, after a certain amount of time, they feel okay. I got my career, I've done my skills, and now I'm going to kick back. But Lifetime Learning is where it's at. I think it's exciting. It   Michael Hingson ** 19:39 is. I consider life an adventure. I consider the internet a treasure trove of information. And yeah, there's a dark web and and all that. And now, of course, we have AI, and some people want to be negative about that, but if we use it right, and if we develop our own inner structure and. And recognize the value and how to use it. It is, and all of those are characteristics and features that can do nothing but help us.   Bill Eddy ** 20:10 Yeah, they're tools. I like the idea of tools, not rules, so we'll see what we can do with them. But as long as humans are in charge, I think we may be okay. Well,   Michael Hingson ** 20:25 I hope so. Um, Mark Twain once said, I wonder if God had been a man because he was disappointed in the monkeys. But who knows.   Bill Eddy ** 20:35 He wasn't. He was a brilliant guy. He was   Michael Hingson ** 20:39 one of my two favorite people, Mark Twain and Will Rogers, boy. They were very clever. And analysts, you had it figured out. They did, if only we would listen. Well, why did you write the book?   Bill Eddy ** 20:53 Well, I wrote it. I started writing it. The end of 2020, when the pandemic was going strong, and a lot of people, and we were all kind of holed up at home. I had more time to think, because I couldn't travel and teach and do the work I do. But I also, you know, on TV, there was, you know, the the arguments in bullying, frankly, about masks, about vaccines, about the George Floyd murder, about protests against the George Floyd murder, that that it seemed like the country was kind of in a 5050, state of bullying each other, but it wasn't. The number of bullies is actually quite small, but they're getting a high profile, and I wanted to explain that bullies at all levels have the same patterns of behavior, and few people have eye into the workings of families like I've had as a family therapist, as a family mediator and as a Family Lawyer, and few people have had, you know, awareness of workplace bullying like I have training human resources and employee assistance personnel. Likewise, neighbor disputes, because I'd be consulting on a lot of neighbor disputes, and certainly online disputes. So bullying seemed to be happening in all these different places, but most people didn't realize the extent of it, because people kept it private. And I was like, Well, I can see it's the same patterns. And then, you know, Putin invades Ukraine, and I'm going, this guy is like a domestic violence perpetrator. He has the same lack of self awareness and the same blaming personality and so I included on up to politicians and international relations to show I can tell you what the patterns are to look for. So look out for bullies. Don't let them into your life. Spot them and stop them. And I wanted, I wanted the book to really open people's eyes, so to speak to what's going on in the world today that they really haven't been aware of by and large,   Michael Hingson ** 23:13 right? What makes us, especially as adults, susceptible to being bullied?   Bill Eddy ** 23:23 Well, we're not prepared for them, and that's a lot of what I hope to do with the book is help people be prepared so they don't overreact or under react. But I'd say most people are just kind of shocked. Suddenly there's a bully in the office and they're yelling at somebody, and it's like, oh my goodness, I'm, I'm I'm freezing because, you know, I don't know what to do. They're yelling at somebody else, thank goodness, but I'm scared too, or they're yelling at me, and I freeze because I don't know what to do. So I think what happens is people are just really unprepared. On the other hand, most people are nice people. Let's say 80% of people are nice people. They don't like to interrupt people, even when they're masking saying nasty comments. They don't like to just walk away from a conversation, even if the conversation is really hurtful and abusive, and so people aren't used to being assertive against a bully, because they're used to everybody being reasonable, and so that's why they catch us by surprise and And we're not ready for them.   Michael Hingson ** 24:39 I subscribe to a service out here called next door, which is also in San Diego, and it's a way to really keep up with what's going on in the community. And I've seen a number of posts where something happened and people suddenly say. I'm surprised that never happens in this area, and that just isn't true anymore,   Bill Eddy ** 25:08 right, anywhere, anywhere,   Michael Hingson ** 25:13 and it's so unfortunate that we don't learn to look out for all of this. I think, yeah, go   Bill Eddy ** 25:23 ahead. I just gonna say, I think that's that's what has to change, is we do have to be aware, not paranoid about it around every corner, but aware that this is going to come your way. I like to say, I think everyone's going to have a bully in their life sooner rather than later, but if you're prepared and you manage it well, they're not going to get very deep into your life and will probably move on. So I do think that's coming. Sorry. I interrupted. No,   Michael Hingson ** 25:54 no, no, no, no, you did No, you were right. Tell me what are some of the warning signs that you're dealing with a bully?   Bill Eddy ** 26:00 Well, first of all that the person goes beyond the normal social boundaries and keep going like they don't stop themselves. So an unrestrained pattern of behavior. When you start thinking to yourself, Well, I'm sure he'll come to his senses soon, or I'm sure she'll realize how destructive she's being. The problem is the answer that is not necessarily, probably not. Another way that's really quite simple is when a bully starts, when a person starts criticizing your intelligence, your morals, your sanity, your appearance, your existence. When they make it personal is a real sign they've crossed the line, and now you're dealing with a bully. Because bullies make it personal. They want a one down relationship. They want you to they want to dominate you. And so that's one of the easiest ways to recognize, is the way they talk to you, talking down to you like that. And they may say that you're you're being obnoxious and you have a problem. And they might even say, Stop bullying me. Stop bullying me, Bill, and I'm not bullying them. I'm saying they need to stop what they're doing with me, and they'll say, You're the bully. So playing the victim is another way projecting what they're doing onto the other person, like, stop bullying me. Bill, I'm not bullying you. I'm setting limits on your bullying of me. Well, I would never bully you, Bill. And then they keep projecting what they're doing onto me, and they may point to other people around us and say, See how Bill's treating me, you know, and they play the victim. And next thing you know, the whole people around think that I'm being a bad guy, and they get away with it that way because they're really good at projection and good at playing the victim. So these are some of the patterns. How do   Michael Hingson ** 28:10 you deal with that, though? Well, you   Bill Eddy ** 28:14 first of all need to be taken assertive approach, so don't become aggressive and start yelling at them. No, you really are bullying me. You're a real jerk. Instead, you say that's not true. And if other people are around, you say, just, everybody know it's not true. I'm trying to set limits on his behavior towards me, because he's really harassing me. And so explain what's happening. Be assertive, so you stick up for yourself, but don't be aggressive, because now it looks like you are being the bully. And some some people asked me on one of the interviews I had, the guy said, at what point do you punch the bully in the nose? And I said, Well, you're going to have that thought, but don't act on it, because when you do that, now you look like the bully. So you don't want to be aggressive, but you don't want to be passive and let them just pick on you and run you into the ground. You want to say, Hey, that's not okay, or I'm going to end this conversation. So you assert yourself to protect yourself without trying to harm the other person, and that's what assertive is. So I really recommend the assertive approach.   Michael Hingson ** 29:33 And again, it gets back to you have to learn to understand and assess yourself and develop the tools that will allow you to do that   Bill Eddy ** 29:46 exactly and and strengthen yourself where you're not experienced or not skilled, and learn the skills to protect yourself. I think it's you know, all of us. Most of us grew up maintaining ourselves, not being too extreme, and yet sticking up for ourselves and being self managed. But bullies aren't self managed, so we're going to have to manage them for them. And so that's the new age we're in. The new world we're in is we need skills to manage bullies, and we can develop those, and that's part of what I talk about at the end of the book. The last chapter is a lot of skills that people can learn to manage bullies and protect themselves.   Michael Hingson ** 30:38 Well, how did you you've talked about a little bit, but I'd love to to learn a little bit more about how did you really end up deciding that this was a calling that you had to deal with and that you've devoted so much time to? I think it really   Bill Eddy ** 30:54 got started as a as a workplace endeavor when I went from being a therapist to being a lawyer, so I wanted to do mediation and conflict resolution, and went to law school, and when I started practicing law after 12 years as a therapist, including in psychiatric hospitals, I started seeing the same behavior in family court. You know there be mom and dad are fighting over custody of their child, and the judge is listening to their arguments and looking frustrated. And I'm going, Well, the problem here is one of the parents probably has a personality disorder, and so they're not really being that sensitive to the child and and the other parent seems to be pretty reasonable, but you don't know, sometimes people that look reasonable might be like anti social under the surface. And so I started noticing and paying attention to these behavior patterns and how they showed up as high conflict families, and that's the term that the courts were using high conflict families. So I started saying, You shouldn't talk about high conflict families. Should talk about high conflict personalities, because not everybody in the family necessarily has that. Maybe it's Mom, maybe it's dad, like, say, a domestic violence case, dad might have a borderline personality or an anti social personality, and that's driving his violent behavior, and yet he's conning the court by saying, look at her, she's a mess, and everything I'm doing is just fine. I'm the reasonable person here, but they're not behind the scenes, and so there'd be these patterns of behavior, and I said, courts got to figure this stuff out, otherwise you're punishing the victim of a domestic violence perpetrator unfairly and unhelpfully, and you're teaching the child that this behavior is acceptable. So I had all this information that I knew from having been, you know, a therapist, a licensed clinical social worker, and I found myself applying it to family court cases, and wanting to educate other lawyers, judges, mediators and therapists about these dynamics in family court. And that's when I started writing about high conflict personalities and eventually talking more about bullies who are the most high conflict personalities. So that's kind of how that evolved. That was 1993 is when I became I started practicing family law after 12 years as a therapist. And so that's when this stuff really opened my eyes, to wait a minute, people don't realize what they're dealing with, and they're not going to solve this with a child support order. They're going to have to, you know, get somebody some treatment or understand that there's these personalities driving behavior, rather than legal issues   Michael Hingson ** 34:20 you have developed, I think, or have begun creating, something called the new ways for families. Method, Yes, uh huh. Tell me about that. I read that in your bio, and that sounded pretty fascinating, yeah,   Bill Eddy ** 34:35 and I'm pretty proud of it. So we started high conflict Institute in 2008 myself and a colleague, Megan Hunter, and we wanted to educate family law professionals, but we also wanted to help parents in high conflict, divorces and custody disputes. And so I developed a counseling method. A specific to divorcing parents with disputes over their children. And I, I was speaking at a conference of judges, and they said, What kind of counseling order should we make for these high conflict families to get them out of court and settling down, and they said, Well, you can't do the traditional counseling where you say talk about your feelings, because people with high conflict personalities will talk about their feelings forever without changing anything. So you want them to learn new ways of doing things. And so we decided we're going to call the method new ways for families and six counseling sessions focused on learning four big skills, flexible thinking, managed emotions, moderate behavior and checking yourself rather than being busy checking everybody else. And so we we got that the judges to start ordering that, and we said, order both parents to learn these skills so you don't picking a bad guy. It's going to help both parents, whoever's you know, maybe it's a domestic violence case, they get domestic violence treatment, but also learn these skills so they can work together. Cases where a child resists being with the other parent because of one parent bad mathing the other parent interfering, what they call alienation, or parental alienation. So all of these could be benefited by this counseling approach. Short term, six individual sessions, three parent child sessions for each parent, and we started seeing cases stay out of court that used to keep coming back. We saw people calming down. The judges really liked that. We created an online class to teach those same skills in 12 sessions. Then we developed coaching, three coaching sessions with the online class to make to give a chance to practice, but keep the cost down, because just three sessions, and so that's that's been evolving since 2009 so for the last 15 years, and we estimate about eight or 9000 parents have gone through learning these skills, some better than others, but enough that the judges think they're worthwhile, and they keep ordering this. But this is it depends on where there's trained counselors or coaches to get the more intensive approach. But the online class is available anywhere worldwide, so judges sometimes just order that from, you know, maybe they're in Utah or something. And there's no counselors that we've trained there yet. They can always order the online class. And I think they actually are, because I spoke in Utah a month ago about this. So that's that's the method, and I feel pretty proud of it. Well,   Michael Hingson ** 38:18 it it's understandable, and I can appreciate why you're why you're excited about doing it, and that it's that it's clearly working. What are some really good examples of how successful the whole method and the whole process has been? You have some good stories about it.   Bill Eddy ** 38:40 Yeah. So one of my favorite examples, it's a case where a 15 year old girl refused to see her father after the divorce, and it seemed like a case where mom had been saying enough negative things, the girl absorbed that and then said, I don't want to see dad, and mom tolerated that, but of course, dad didn't. So took mom to court and told the judge, Mom's doing something to make the girl not come. So rather than deciding that mom's all bad, the judge said, well, then I want to order new ways for families, and that's six individual counseling sessions and three parent child sessions, so judge orders that and each of the parents goes through six counseling sessions with a workbook, so it focuses them on learning particular skills, to manage their emotions, To keep their thinking flexible, to moderate their behavior, like we teach them how to write emails so that they're reasonable instead of escalating conflict. And so they both went through that individual then it's time for the parent child sessions, and since Mom was the favorite parent. Parent, we had the parent child counselor meet with mom and the child first, and Mom taught the girl about flexible thinking, managed emotions, moderate behavior and checking yourself, and then prepared the girl with the counselor for the next week when she's going to meet with dad and so who she hasn't seen for a year and says she hates him, but there's no real, clear reason for that, and that's why it might be alienation. It might be the bad mouthing that got absorbed by the girl. So the next week, mom brings the girl to the counseling center, and girl agrees to go in and meets dad and the counselor and sits down, and the girl tells dad that he's a horrible person. He's ruined her life. He's done everything wrong and just this whole list of awfuls. And because he's been through the counseling method, he listens quietly and attentively, and then he says, Thank you. And she says, What do you mean? Thank you. I just said, you're a terrible person. And he says, I said, Thank you. Because I'm glad that we're talking. I think this is good. This is good for us to be talking. Is there more that you want to tell me, and I guess there was some more. And then basically they reconciled and agreed that they would have dinner together once a week. Now it wasn't a 5050, parenting plan like he would have preferred, but, and I don't know where it went from there, but he did have regular dinners with her, and they communicated. So it reconnected their relationship, and so it gave a structure for that to happen in, and that's what new ways for families does not every case where someone a child resists a parent has worked with new ways for families that, you know, one parent has found a way to sabotage it and block it, but by and large, we've had, had some, some good success with moderate cases like that.   Michael Hingson ** 42:16 Yeah, well, one of the questions that comes to mind, as you've talked about, excuse me, high conflict personalities. Is that something that can actually be fixed? Can people get over having to always be in conflict like that? It   Bill Eddy ** 42:36 really depends, I think, a lot, on which of the personalities. So I think I mentioned Cluster B personality disorders, borderline, narcissistic, anti social, histrionic. So borderline personality disorder, people are hearing more about that, where they have wide mood swings, sudden, intense anger, fear of abandonment, all of that. And this used to be thought of as primarily women, but it's now seen as probably about half and half. And men who are physically abusive often have this personality style, and they strike out because they're afraid they're losing their partner, which of course, makes their partner want to leave a little bit more, but that's one of the more treatable personalities. And there's a method called DBT dialectical behavior therapy, which is having some good success at treating people with borderline personality disorder. So there's that at the other extreme is anti social personality disorder, which is the hardest one to treat, and I don't know of a consistently successful method that treats and that's like maybe 40% of prisoners have that personality, they get out of prison and they commit another crime, been back back in prison, they have a pattern of behavior, which is what a personality disorder is, is it's a stuck pattern of behavior, just enduring and repeating and all of that. So I would say people with that personality is extremely unlikely they're going to change. But people with borderline, there is hope for and many people outgrow the diagnosis after going through DBT. So that's the most hopeful and the least hopeful range. Narcissists and histrionics are somewhere in the middle of that? Yeah,   Michael Hingson ** 44:44 well, something that comes to mind, I kind of think I know the answer, but it's still a question worth asking. Colleges and universities are made up of lots of people who are studying supposed to be pretty intelligent and so on, but we have bullies there. Why? You.   Bill Eddy ** 44:59 I think because we have them everywhere. So if, say 10% five to 10% of people are bullies, I think you're going to see them in colleges. Has nothing to do with intelligence. They may be brilliant bullies and very not smart bullies. So the whole range of severity exists. I think that college and other organizations like so, higher education, health care, churches, synagogues, mosques, that these are welcoming communities. These are helping communities. And so bullies get away with more in these kinds of communities because everybody's trying to be nice and bending over backwards to give them another chance. And so not to say they shouldn't get another chance, but they shouldn't get another chance and another chance and another chance and another chance. That's the thing I preach against. You give somebody a chance. If it the same problem comes up twice, what is it? Fool me once. Shame on you. Fool me twice. Shame on me. I got to do something if it's happening again, because that means it's a pattern, and especially if there was consequences for the first time and they still did it again, that's a sign this may be behavior that's going to be resistant to change   Michael Hingson ** 46:37 well, and that makes perfect sense. It's kind of where I thought you'd probably go with it, but it does make perfect sense. And there, as you've said, there are bullies everywhere. And the reality is we're, we're going to find that there are just some people who are going to be bullies.   Bill Eddy ** 46:58 I think that's the answer that it's kind of sad to come to that conclusion, but it's also enlightening, because then, you know, you can't just change them. This pattern is so stuck, so persistent, they have to have a different approach. You can't talk them out of it. Yeah,   Michael Hingson ** 47:20 and there's something to be said for love, but at the same time, you need to learn to control you and your situations. And   Bill Eddy ** 47:31 yeah, it's kind of the tough love concept.   Michael Hingson ** 47:37 What do you do if your supervisor is a bully? We talked a little bit about bullies in the office and so on. But what if it's your boss who is the bully?   Bill Eddy ** 47:46 I think that you know, to some extent, if you can be assertive and say, you know, boss, you just gave me three assignments that are all due on Friday, and realistically, I can only get one of them done. Which one is the priority that you kind of assert yourself without trying to dominate your boss or alienate your boss. So you say something like, you know, can you give me some guidance here with these three projects, I can only get one done. Maybe someone else could help with another. So speaking up, presenting options, and say, you know that's one possibility. Another is you could give me overtime, and I'm willing to stay late if there's overtime. What? Whatever you may be able to speak up to some extent. But what we get a lot of our consultations are people that it's way beyond that the boss is just really out to get them, maybe trying to push them out of the team. And so we talk about who else you can go to, and it may be HR, it may be another department head. One of the things I say is make sure you start talking to somebody, maybe a friend, family member, so you're not just stewing in the fact that you're being bullied because people's self esteem just really goes down if they don't feel safe to talk to anybody. You talk to somebody and they say, oh, yeah, that happened to me once. That's terrible. You know, you shouldn't have to go through that. Let's talk about what you can do well that helps people feel a whole lot better, that there isn't something about them that makes them be the target of a bully. A lot of people think, you know, what did I do to cause this? And you didn't do anything. Bullies pick on everybody, but they keep picking on the people that let them,   Michael Hingson ** 49:52 and that's the real key, isn't it? It's all about you let them do it. You don't find ways to deal with. The issue, and the result is they're going to continue to do it, because they can   Bill Eddy ** 50:04 Right exactly. And people get depressed. They get stomach aches, headaches, they can't sleep, they avoid coming into work, they get disciplined, they get in trouble themselves. And that's a lot of why I wrote the book to help people know, you know, no one deserves to be bullied. This is wrong. This shouldn't be happening to you. Now look at what your choices are, what your options are.   Michael Hingson ** 50:32 We have an ever increasing number of startup companies in in the world, and more entrepreneurs or starting their own companies and so on. And so why is it that a lot of startups have a high powered innovator, or someone at the top like that, who is a bully?   Bill Eddy ** 50:54 It seems to be that the personality of entrepreneurs that go getter startup includes a lot of the ingredients of personalities, of bullies. So first of all, believing that your ideas are superior, that no matter what other people think you should keep going, that you're smarter than all of them. Don't stop because the first two people said this was a dumb idea, and so they kind of have some insulation against that, that they're willing to persist, you know, I know this is a good idea, but they can also be aggressive. So they're out there approaching, you know, venture capitalists and and people to endorse them, people to do what they say, people to give them a lot of money so they have. They're skilled at presenting their ideas aggressively and probably an exaggerated belief in themselves. But that seems to work in the startup business, people are persuaded by charm and intelligence and go, Oh, this guy just seems really brilliant. Well, that's because he told you he's brilliant. He's actually a bully. And there are stories like that, like what we saw, and I talk about it in my book with Theranos, the blood draw sis and it really wasn't what it was made out to be. It was a brilliant idea, but they couldn't implement it, but they pretended that they could, and so they got lots of money, lots of respect, write ups in the big magazines. Elizabeth Holmes was seen as the next Steve Jobs. She lowered her voice. She was a con artist. She may have believed in her product, but she was willing to bend so many rules that she ended up going to prison. But entrepreneurs have that drive and that persuasion and persistence and aggressiveness, and that works with getting a startup going, but it often doesn't work with maintaining a company and an organization. And I spoke to investors for startups, mostly healthcare startups and and they said, we've got a lot of bullies here. What? What do we do? We gave them some tools and tips for how to manage, you know, soothe their ego by setting limits on them and and to spot them sooner and decide, can should we invest with this person, or are they over the top? So it's a it's a particular field where having having an almost bully personality is successful, but having a bully personality eventually blows up. So   Michael Hingson ** 53:57 since you mentioned him, just out of curiosity was Steve Jobs a bully.   Bill Eddy ** 54:01 I think he was, and I think he was successful because of his management team, because they did, in fact, learn how to set limits on him and rein in his worst behaviors. Because, like, There's one story, and I think I have it in the book, where he was going to fire a division of 200 people because the project wasn't coming along fast enough. And so he's like, I'm going to fire them. They're useless, they're idiots, they're terrible. And someone on the management team says, Hey, Steve, let's go for a walk. Let's go for a walk, because he liked to go for walks and talks. So they go for a walk, and an hour later, they come back, and he's not going to fire anybody. He's just going to give them some more specific instructions. And so he. His worst behaviors were restrained by his management team. And I think that's that's a work but at any given time, things were on the verge of blowing up. And he did get fired as the head of Apple right 1990s but they helped him enough, he was reigned in enough that he was successful in the 2000s hugely, six. I mean, I don't know if they're the biggest value company right now, but I think when he died, they were probably the most valuable company. So, yeah, this can happen. But the key is that he was restrained by his management team, and unrestrained bully is going to cause   Michael Hingson ** 55:49 damage. I wonder though, if, as he matured, if he did, I'm assuming that he did actually, if some of the bullying tendencies really did go away, and then he changed a little bit at least, of of how he functioned. I mean, clearly he was a strong personality, right? And clearly he was the innovator of so many products. And so I can see where personality might get in the way, because he wants it done now. He wants it done this way. But I wonder if over time, he became a little bit less of of a bully, and maybe it was just the management restraint, or maybe that was a part of it, but it's I think you're right. Probably was a little bit better as time went on. I think you're   Bill Eddy ** 56:38 right, because when he came back to Apple after he was fired and tried some other projects, I think that he learned to focus more and to be a little less disrespectful. And I remember I read his biography, I think of Walter Isaacson, and my conclusion was that he was definitely narcissistic, but I don't think he had a narcissistic personality disorder, which is an enduring pattern of self defeating behavior. I think he had traits and that he learned to manage those traits primarily because his management team, people around him taught him he needs to restrain those so he's an example of where you can have someone with a bullying personality and rein them in and have them be quite successful. So I think that's what happened there,   Michael Hingson ** 57:39 and he would see that, in fact, it worked to change how you're operating a little bit. And maybe it was, maybe it was always underneath. But at the same time, he learned that, hey, working the way I've been isn't really as effective as what I'm seeing happen when I operate this way. Yeah,   Bill Eddy ** 58:01 what's interesting about him is he was particularly collaborative. So he liked working with other people. He liked he liked people with pushback, people that would disagree, present another point of view. So they could, they could go back and forth, although if other people had a really brilliant idea, he started thinking it was his idea. Yeah, but he he really had had an ability to work with other people that a lot of bullies don't have. And I think that may be why you're quite right, that he did mature some he did restrain himself a little more and became able to be brilliant. Imagine how many other brilliant people might really contribute if they had that balance of a really good management team to rein them in, but some of our most narcissistic individuals don't pay attention and often ruin, ruin their own creations. I think of like Enron, as our company that was brilliant, but probably had two people with personality disorders on top, one anti social and one narcissistic, and they reinforced each other's bad traits. And I think that's why that went off the rails. Yeah,   Michael Hingson ** 59:29 well, and the, the other thing that comes to mind is, then you have another very successful person, Bill Gates, yeah, and I don't, I don't know. Do you think that he was a bully?   Bill Eddy ** 59:43 I think that he certainly engaged in bullying behavior when he was the head of Microsoft. And I remember hearing about, I don't know if it was a recording or a transcript in a book, but he was at a meeting, and he was just very distant. Painful to the thinking of other people in the meeting, like, like, almost ready to, like, drive them out of the room. And you know, what are you doing here? You're an idiot and stuff like that. And I must say, I read Paul Allen's book, which was idea, man, I think, is what it was called, and and he, he had enough examples in there that I think Bill Gates was also a bully. But I think that again, there was enough of a management team to keep him from destroying what he was building. And I must say, one of his most brilliant decisions was marrying Melinda French, and she turned him into a philanthropist. And he's donated, you know, billions of dollars, but he's also created things to help poor people. He's He's fought malaria, I think, and trying to get toilets where you don't have electricity, but you can have self managed toilets. And he's in, he's put energy into these projects. So I would say, somehow the edge, the bullying edge, was taken off, so he actually could work with other people and and have some empathy for them. So again, he might be someone who didn't have a personality disorder, but may have had some traits, but somehow the balance worked out, and the more people realize that you may have brilliant people around you, if you can rein them in enough, we may have a better society because of some of these difficult people.   Michael Hingson ** 1:01:53 Well, clearly, Bill Gates had a very strong personality and and that's fine, but I do agree, I don't think that he really was a bully as such, in the way that we view it, for a lot of people as we've been discussing it, it doesn't mean that he didn't ever have any bullying kinds of behavior, but overall, he was successful, and is successful. And as you said, marrying Melinda has certainly made a significant difference in his outlook, and he's doing such great work, and you can't argue with that.   Bill Eddy ** 1:02:28 Yeah, and the fact that he's now divorced from Belinda, and I think that might have been more her idea than his, he still seems to be continuing on with his uh, philanthropy and doing works to help health health care, especially for people in really poor countries. So I think, and she changed his personality maybe a teeny little bit, and   Michael Hingson ** 1:02:54 climate change and climate   Bill Eddy ** 1:02:56 change for sure. Yeah, he's a big picture guy. He's one of our most deepest thinkers in the big picture, and we need people like that. So my goal isn't to eliminate bullies, it's to restrain them enough so they don't harm other people, but ideally, contribute to society   Michael Hingson ** 1:03:19 and they can. And it's a process. Well, this has been fun. I want to thank you for being here and talking about all this is, How do other people deal with it when they see somebody being bullied?   Bill Eddy ** 1:03:34 Well, bystanders need to speak up more and be assertive as well, and that's part of the cover of my book. Is a bully fish chasing a little fish who's about to grab and eat but gets distracted by a whole school of little fish chasing behind him who look bigger than him. And that's the bystanders. And bystanders need to speak up and say, hey, that's enough, Joe, or hey, that's enough, Jane. Or cut it out. Leave her alone. That when people do that, bullies often stop because they think they're getting away with something, or they're not even thinking they're just automatically bullying somebody. And when that happens, they realize, uh oh, my public may not be happy with me, and I don't want to alienate my public so you can have an influence as a bystander, and are encouraged to be assertive and not intimidated. And the more bystanders support each other, that much easier it is to stop bullies.   Michael Hingson ** 1:04:43 Good advice and so cool. Well, again, I want to thank you for being here. This has been great. I hope all of you listening out there have found a lot of good tools that you can take away and use. Lot of good life lessons here by any standard you. I really so I really appreciate you taking the time to be with Bill and me today on unstoppable mindset. Love to get your thoughts, so please feel free to email me. Michael h i at accessibe, A, C, C, E, S, S, I, B, e.com, or go to our podcast page, www, dot Michael hingson.com/podcast, and Michael Hinkson is spelled M, I, C, H, A, E, L, H, I N, G, s, O, N, Michael hingson.com/podcast, and wherever you are, give us a five star rating. We love those ratings on the podcast. We appreciate that, and would greatly value you you doing that. And again, your thoughts and for all of you, including Bill, if you know of anyone else who ought to be a guest on unstoppable mindset, we'd love to hear from you. We don't really tend to discriminate and say, Oh, that's a bad idea just just saying bill, but so we'd love to really hear about more people you think ought to be, whoever you are on the podcast, and we will talk with them and make a plan to go forward with them. So don't ever hesitate to point out someone who you think ought to come on and again. Bill, I want to thank you one last time for being here. This has been a lot of fun, and we appreciate your time today. Well,   Bill Eddy ** 1:06:21 thanks so much, Michael. I've really enjoyed it too. We got into some stuff deeper than I have in some of my other interviews. So we really covered the covered the gamut. And I think, I think people will find that this is a topic that becomes more and more relevant every year. So thanks for getting the word out there   Michael Hingson ** 1:06:41 well, and I hope that people will buy your book and and all that too. Yeah, we have to get the book sales out there, right.   Bill Eddy ** 1:06:49 That's right. Thank you for that.   Michael Hingson ** 1:06:57 You have been listening to the Unstoppable Mindset podcast. Thanks for dropping by. I hope that you'll join us again next week, and in future weeks for upcoming episodes. To subscribe to our podcast and to learn about upcoming episodes, please visit www dot Michael hingson.com slash podcast. Michael Hingson is spelled m i c h a e l h i n g s o n. While you're on the site., please use the form there to recommend people who we ought to interview in upcoming editions of the show. And also, we ask you and urge you to invite your friends to join us in the future. If you know of any one or any organization needing a speaker for an event, please email me at speaker at Michael hingson.com. I appreciate it very much. To learn more about the concept of blinded by fear, please visit www dot Michael hingson.com forward slash blinded by fear and while you're there, feel free to pick up a copy of my free eBook entitled blinded by fear. The unstoppable mindset podcast is provided by access cast an initiative of accessiBe and is sponsored by accessiBe. Please visit www.accessibe.com . AccessiBe is spelled a c c e s s i b e. There you can learn all about how you can make your website inclusive for all persons with disabilities and how you can help make the internet fully inclusive by 2025. Thanks again for Listening. Please come back and visit us again next week.

Guillermo and his ex-wife divorced nearly a decade ago. They share custody of their son which, Guillermo says, lets her continue meddling in his life. He recently started dating someone and it's getting serious, but he's worried that his ex is going to destroy his new relationship. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Bill Eddy, author and co-founder of the High Conflict Institute. Bill explains how to set limits and impose consequences in truly difficult situations to preserve your peace of mind and foster happiness. If you liked this episode check out: How To Do Divorce Right and How To Save a Friend from a Bad Relationship Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To's executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis.  Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you'll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guillermo and his ex-wife divorced nearly a decade ago. They share custody of their son which, Guillermo says, lets her continue meddling in his life. He recently started dating someone and it's getting serious, but he's worried that his ex is going to destroy his new relationship. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Bill Eddy, author and co-founder of the High Conflict Institute. Bill explains how to set limits and impose consequences in truly difficult situations to preserve your peace of mind and foster happiness. If you liked this episode check out: How To Do Divorce Right and How To Save a Friend from a Bad Relationship Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To's executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis.  Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you'll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guillermo and his ex-wife divorced nearly a decade ago. They share custody of their son which, Guillermo says, lets her continue meddling in his life. He recently started dating someone and it's getting serious, but he's worried that his ex is going to destroy his new relationship. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Bill Eddy, author and co-founder of the High Conflict Institute. Bill explains how to set limits and impose consequences in truly difficult situations to preserve your peace of mind and foster happiness. If you liked this episode check out: How To Do Divorce Right and How To Save a Friend from a Bad Relationship Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To's executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis.  Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you'll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guillermo and his ex-wife divorced nearly a decade ago. They share custody of their son which, Guillermo says, lets her continue meddling in his life. He recently started dating someone and it's getting serious, but he's worried that his ex is going to destroy his new relationship. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Bill Eddy, author and co-founder of the High Conflict Institute. Bill explains how to set limits and impose consequences in truly difficult situations to preserve your peace of mind and foster happiness. If you liked this episode check out: How To Do Divorce Right and How To Save a Friend from a Bad Relationship Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To's executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis.  Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you'll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Send us a textToday you are in for a treat with a longer interview, featuring three of my favorite experts on narcissism: Dr. Les Carter, Dr. Peter Salerno, and Bill Eddy.In this episode, each of these men will describe what is narcissism, how narcissists view relationships, and why they behave as bullies.Instead of a podcast extra interview, this week I'm offering a holiday survival guide to help you get ready to spent time the very people you've probably tried to avoid all week.Learn how to manage tricky conversations, avoid lose-lose situations, and self-soothe when they emotionally step on your toes. Get immediate access when you subscribe to Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse Podcast Extras on Substack: substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuseDid you know you don't need to wait a week for your next podcast fix? For only $5/month, sign up for weekly podcast extras!  Join me on Substack! Follow Dr. McAvoy!YouTube: @kerrymcavoyphdInstagram: @kerrymcavoyphdFacebook: @kerrymcavoyphdE-mail: hello@kerrymcavoyphd.comNewsletter: https://breakingfreenarcabuse.substack.com/ Website: https://www.breakingfreenarcissisticabuse.com/Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., a mental health specialist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships, deconstructing narcissism, and understanding various other mental health-related issues. Her memoir, Love You More: The Harrowing Tale of Lies, Sex Addiction, & Double Cross, gives an uncensored glimpse into the dynamics of narcissistic abuse.As an Amazon affiliate, a commission is earned from qualifying purchases.Support the show

Navigating High Conflict Relationships: Your Questions AnsweredIn this ask-and-answer episode of It's All Your Fault, hosts Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter from the High Conflict Institute tackle three key listener questions about managing challenging relationships and dealing with high conflict personalities.First Question: "What do you suggest for someone who realizes they have a high conflict personality?" Bill and Megan explore self-awareness as the crucial first step toward positive change, offering practical steps for self-improvement and resources available through the High Conflict Institute.Second Question: From a professional helping a client whose "ex-wife is creating chaos with false allegations." The hosts address this challenging custody situation, offering practical advice for self-represented individuals in family court. Bill shares specific strategies for organizing and presenting evidence effectively.Third Question: Dealing with an adult brother who moved back in with elderly parents, leading to family rifts and restraining orders. Bill and Megan discuss the concept of "negative advocates" and provide strategies for maintaining relationships when family members take sides in conflicts.Questions we answer in this episode:What resources help someone identify and address their own high conflict behaviors?How can someone self-representing handle false allegations in family court?What strategies work when dealing with negative advocates in family conflicts?How can you support an elderly parent struggling with family conflict?What approaches help maintain relationships during family disputes?Key Takeaways:Self-awareness is the first step in addressing high conflict behaviorsFocus on three main patterns when presenting evidence in courtMaintain gentle, friendly communication with family members who've taken sidesProfessional local support is crucial for specific situation guidanceUnderstanding negative advocacy helps navigate family conflictsThis episode provides practical guidance for anyone dealing with high conflict relationships, whether personally experiencing these behaviors or managing them in others. Bill and Megan offer actionable advice while maintaining sensitivity toward complex family dynamics.Links & Other NotesBOOKSIt's All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderCOURSESNew Ways for Families Course + Coaching for Co-ParentsConflict Influencer Class (for everyone)PROFESSIONAL TRAININGNew Ways for Families TrainingOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:37) - More Listener Questions (02:27) - Question #1: When You Realize It's You (13:44) - Question #2: When They're Making Allegations (19:26) - Question #3: When It Hurts Older Family Members (31:26) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: In the Workplace Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

Scott discusses how to deal with toxic personalities with Bill Eddy. Also Jay Ratliff had some travel day trips, Ben McIntyre breaks down the ceasefire agreement between Israel and Hezbollah, and Scott continues his jihad against Green Bean Casserole.

Scott discusses how to deal with toxic personalities with Bill Eddy. Also Jay Ratliff had some travel day trips, Ben McIntyre breaks down the ceasefire agreement between Israel and Hezbollah, and Scott continues his jihad against Green Bean Casserole.

Tackling Listener Questions on High Conflict Personalities in Family LawIn this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter address questions from two listeners about high conflict personalities in family law. They dive into the complexities of parental alienation, domestic violence allegations, and when to stop fighting in court.Listener Question 1: Understanding Parental Alienation and EstrangementThe first listener asks about the confusion surrounding parental alienation. Bill defines key terms: "refuse and resist," parental alienation, and realistic estrangement. He explains the differences between alienation caused by one parent's behavior and estrangement resulting from a parent's own actions, such as domestic violence or child abuse.Listener Question 2: When to Stop Fighting in CourtThe second listener, from Australia, asks when to give up the fight with a high conflict ex-partner who continues to violate court orders. Bill and Megan address the issue of "legal abuse" and the limitations of the court system in handling these situations effectively.Questions We Answer in This Episode:What is the difference between parental alienation and realistic estrangement?How common are false allegations of abuse in family court?When should you stop fighting in court with a high conflict ex-partner?Key Takeaways:Consider all possibilities in each case without presumptions.Parental alienation and domestic violence both exist and require careful assessment.Fighting in court for more than two years may be counterproductive.Obtain transcripts of court hearings to address false statements or bad decisions.This episode provides valuable insights for anyone navigating high conflict personalities in family law. Bill and Megan offer a balanced perspective, emphasizing the need for an open mind and case-by-case analysis.Links & Other NotesBOOKSDon't Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict DivorceThe High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival GuideCOURSESNew Ways for Families Course + Coaching for Co-ParentsConflict Influencer ClassOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:36) - Listener Questions (01:18) - Question 1: Parental Alienation (22:50) - Question 2: When to Give In (31:33) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: More Listener Questions Learn more about our New Ways for Work for Leaders. Get started today!

Bill Eddy is a lawyer, licensed therapist and professional mediator. He's also the co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute, pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory to help explain the behaviors of the most "difficult" difficult people and ways to manage relationships with them.  Today on the show we discuss: The best way to spot someone who will be a problem in your life, the truth definition of someone who is considered high conflict or has a personality disorder, how to communicate with someone that won't take responsibility for their problems, what a healthy level of conflict looks like in a relationship, when is it time to walk away from a relationship, how to work on growing a relationship and much more. Thanks to this episode's sponsor: MitoLux Head to www.mitolux.com and enter promo code DOUG at checkout for 10% off your first order. ⚠ WELLNESS DISCLAIMER ⚠ Please be advised; the topics related to health and mental health in my content are for informational, discussion, and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your health or mental health professional or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your current condition. Never disregard professional advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard from your favorite creator, on social media, or shared within content you've consumed. If you are in crisis or you think you may have an emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately. If you do not have a health professional who is able to assist you, use these resources to find help: Emergency Medical Services—911 If the situation is potentially life-threatening, get immediate emergency assistance by calling 911, available 24 hours a day. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org.  SAMHSA addiction and mental health treatment Referral Helpline, 1-877-SAMHSA7 (1-877-726-4727) and https://www.samhsa.gov Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This book can radically reduce stress and conflict in your interpersonal relationships.   The Five Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life by Bill Eddy is a book that will help you make sense of those difficult people and challenging relationships in your life. Therapist Tracey Biebel and I get into the details in this deep conversation.   We particularly hope you enjoy the part when we wax poetic about how strongly we both recommend everyone read this book.   Learn more about Tracey and her work at https://www.traceybiebel.com/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/booksapplied/support

Navigating Narcissistic High Conflict PersonalitiesIn this revealing episode of "It's All Your Fault," part of the Five Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life series, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy explore the world of narcissistic high conflict personalities. They delve into the key traits of narcissists, the distinction between grandiose and vulnerable narcissists, and the potential connection between narcissistic personalities and domestic violence.Recognizing Narcissistic High Conflict PersonalitiesBill and Megan outline the defining characteristics of narcissistic high conflict personalities, such as their incessant need to feel superior, their sense of entitlement, and their lack of empathy. They explain how these individuals often exploit and mistreat others to preserve their grandiose self-image and how they respond when confronted with perceived challenges to their superiority.The Two Faces of Narcissism: Grandiose vs. VulnerableNot all narcissists are alike. Bill and Megan explore the contrasts between grandiose and vulnerable narcissists. Grandiose narcissists tend to be more calculated and predatory in their actions, while vulnerable narcissists are generally more reactive and emotionally unstable. Grasping these nuances can be essential in recognizing and handling high conflict personalities.Narcissism in Various ContextsNarcissistic personalities can be encountered in various aspects of life, but some fields and occupations appear to draw them more than others. Bill and Megan discuss the prevalence of narcissists in healthcare, higher education, and the tech industry, and how these individuals can foster toxic work environments and strained relationships.Questions we answer in this episode:What defines narcissistic high conflict personalities?How do grandiose and vulnerable narcissists differ in their conduct?Which fields and occupations are more likely to attract narcissistic personalities?Is there a link between narcissism and domestic violence?How can you identify and cope with a narcissistic high conflict personality?Key Takeaways:Narcissistic high conflict personalities constantly strive to feel superior and entitled.They often lack empathy and manipulate others to uphold their inflated self-image.Grandiose narcissists are more calculated, while vulnerable narcissists are more reactive.Some fields, like healthcare and higher education, may attract more narcissists.Recognizing the differences between narcissistic personalities can aid in identifying and managing them.This episode offers valuable insights into the intricate realm of narcissistic high conflict personalities. Whether you're navigating a relationship with a narcissist in your personal life or at work, Bill and Megan's expertise and practical guidance can help you manage these challenging interactions and safeguard your well-being.Links & Other NotesCOURSESConversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 ExpertsHandling Family Law Cases Involving Narcissistic High Conflict PeopleBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeDating RadarSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderARTICLESDomestic Violence vs. High Conflict Families: Are one or two people driving the conflict?Narcissists As LeadersLiving with High Conflict People Series: Do's and Don'ts for Living with a Narcissist High Conflict PersonNarcissists as Leaders: Good or Bad for Your Organization?DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HELPNational Domestic Violence Hotline800.799.SAFE (7233) USAServices AustraliaFamily Violence Resources CanadaOTHER COUNTRIES: do an online search for “domestic violence in ___ (your country or city's name)”OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 6 (01:18) - Narcissistic HCPs (02:48) - Social Impairment and/or Internal Distress (04:55) - See Themselves as Superior (12:02) - Feeling Entitled to Special Treatment (13:16) - Lacking Empathy (21:12) - Stats (24:06) - The Two Types (27:17) - Lying (29:41) - Apologizing (33:01) - Domestic Violence (35:10) - Stalking (36:00) - Letting Go of Relationships (40:11) - Signs If It's Your Partner (44:10) - Steps to Take (46:29) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: A Special Guest Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

In this episode, my guest is Bill Eddy, a lawyer, licensed therapist, professional mediator, and faculty member at the Pepperdine University School of Law. He specializes in identifying, reducing friction with, and disentangling from high-conflict individuals. We explain how high-conflict personalities differ from personality disorders and examine the cycles of blame and drama that cause persistent conflict in their relationships. We discuss how to quickly recognize high-conflict individuals based on specific criteria and behaviors, helping listeners learn to spot their less obvious tactics. You'll also learn how to disengage from them with minimal friction and understand the methods they use to draw people back in or keep conflict alive. Additionally, we cover effective communication strategies for mediating situations involving high-conflict individuals, emphasizing empathy and problem-solving approaches. This episode equips listeners with tools to navigate conflict in various contexts, promoting resolutions that benefit all parties involved. Access the full show notes for this episode at hubermanlab.com. Thank you to our sponsors AG1: https://drinkag1.com/huberman Maui Nui Venison: https://mauinuivenison.com/huberman ExpressVPN: https://expressvpn.com/huberman Function: https://functionhealth.com/huberman David Protein: https://davidprotein.com/huberman Timestamps 00:00:00 Bill Eddy 00:02:58 Sponsors: Maui Nui & ExpressVPN 00:06:41 High-Conflict Families, High-Conflict Individuals & Patterns 00:10:48 Personality Disorders, Prevalence & Overlap 00:18:28 High-Conflict Personality vs. Personality Disorders, Blame 00:24:33 High-Conflict Individuals, Tool: First-Year Rule & Commitment 00:30:53 Sponsor: AG1 00:32:05 Relationship Stability, Tool: Vetting Potential Partners 00:38:54 Heightened Emotions, Negative Advocates, Divorce 00:47:50 Brain, Plasticity & Fear; Bullies, Polarization 00:54:51 Sponsors: Function & David 00:58:00 Emotions, Media, Politics 01:04:57 Tool: WEB Method, Identify High-Conflict Individuals 01:12:20 Body Cues, Identify High-Conflict Individuals 01:18:40 Tool: Don't Label & Empathy; Adapting Your Behavior 01:23:12 High Conflict Personalities & Occupations 01:28:18 Big Personalities: Evidence vs Assumptions 01:37:27 Tool: Leaving a Combative High-Conflict Individual, Blame, Gradual Exit 01:45:41 Exiting a High Conflict Relationship & Timing 01:49:27 Tool: Disentangling from a Victim High-Conflict Individual, “Hoovering” 01:52:32 High Conflict Divorce, Small Families & Parental Estrangement 01:57:01 Tool: Managing Emotions & Relationships, EAR Statements 01:59:52 Large Families & Conflict Resolution 02:04:11 Bullies & Online Social Groups 02:09:18 Personality Disorders, Causes, Culture 02:13:09 Tool: 4 “Fuhgeddaboudits”, Topics to Avoid in High Conflict Resolution 02:19:50 Tool: CARS Method, Connecting & EAR Statements, Analyzing 02:27:03 Tool: CARS Method, Responding & BIFF Response, Setting Limits & SLIC 02:36:40 Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow & Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Protocols Book, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter Disclaimer & Disclosures

Bill Eddy is back on the show to dive into a critical topic: adult bullies. With election season upon us, the presence of bullies—whether in politics, the workplace, relationships, or even parenting—can feel more intense than ever. Bill, Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute and author of Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them – How to Stop Them, explains how today's media-driven culture fuels the rise of adult bullies, encouraging aggression and disregarding rules. We explore how bullies create crises out of thin air, positioning themselves as heroes of their made-up stories. Plus, Bill shares concrete examples of adult bullying in the world today, how it impacts children when parents are the bullies, and why it's crucial to stand together against bullies to take them down. Listen and learn how to protect yourself and your loved ones from the emotional manipulation bullies use to gain power. Featured topics: What defines an adult bully and the key traits to look out for (4:30) The secret weapon of bullies: emotional manipulation and the "crisis-villain-hero" narrative (8:04) How media and social media fuel the growth of adult bullies (15:27) How parents can inadvertently turn their children away from a co-parent (24:09) The importance of empathy: addressing bullying without becoming bullies ourselves (34:56) The future of adult bullies: what to expect and how to stand against them (49:27) Learn more about Bill Eddy: Bill Eddy is the author of Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them – How to Stop Them and the Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute based in San Diego, California. He trains lawyers, judges, mediators, and therapists throughout the United States and a dozen other countries in managing high-conflict family, workplace, and legal disputes. He is the author of over 20 books and manuals and has a popular blog on PsychologyToday.com. Resources & Links: Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective High Conflict Institute Bill's book “Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them, How to Stop Them” The High Conflict Institute on Facebook The High Conflict Institute on Instagram =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-295-adult-bullies-with-bill-eddy-your-vote-your-choice/

Bill Eddy is back on the show to dive into a critical topic: adult bullies. With election season upon us, the presence of bullies—whether in politics, the workplace, relationships, or even parenting—can feel more intense than ever. Bill, Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute and author of Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them – How to Stop Them, explains how today's media-driven culture fuels the rise of adult bullies, encouraging aggression and disregarding rules. We explore how bullies create crises out of thin air, positioning themselves as heroes of their made-up stories. Plus, Bill shares concrete examples of adult bullying in the world today, how it impacts children when parents are the bullies, and why it's crucial to stand together against bullies to take them down. Listen and learn how to protect yourself and your loved ones from the emotional manipulation bullies use to gain power. Featured topics: What defines an adult bully and the key traits to look out for (4:30) The secret weapon of bullies: emotional manipulation and the "crisis-villain-hero" narrative (8:04) How media and social media fuel the growth of adult bullies (15:27) How parents can inadvertently turn their children away from a co-parent (24:09) The importance of empathy: addressing bullying without becoming bullies ourselves (34:56) The future of adult bullies: what to expect and how to stand against them (49:27) Learn more about Bill Eddy: Bill Eddy is the author of Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them – How to Stop Them and the Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute based in San Diego, California. He trains lawyers, judges, mediators, and therapists throughout the United States and a dozen other countries in managing high-conflict family, workplace, and legal disputes. He is the author of over 20 books and manuals and has a popular blog on PsychologyToday.com. Resources & Links: Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective High Conflict Institute Bill's book “Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them, How to Stop Them” The High Conflict Institute on Facebook The High Conflict Institute on Instagram =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-295-adult-bullies-with-bill-eddy-your-vote-your-choice/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Bullies exist everywhere: families, workplaces, neighborhoods and communities, politics and government, and organizations of all types and sizes. And in a media landscape where conflict, crisis, chaos, and fear reign supreme, every day we see the worst behavior of celebrities, politicians, and other public figures who serve as role models. Winners and losers. Friends and enemies. Heroes and villains. People with high-conflict personalities think almost solely in these extremes. They regularly express unmanaged emotions, routinely blame others, and do harmful things that 90% of people would never do. Bullies share these characteristics, plus a drive to dominate or destroy their victims. But all bullies act in the same highly predictable patterns, regardless of their demographics and situation. By focusing on the ten hidden powers bullies employ--from their unrestrained nature and bully story to manipulating emotions and playing the victim--Bill Eddy unpacks the way bullies rely on primitive emotions and nonverbal behavior. He helps readers spot these behaviors and offers practical actions before they become immobilized by helplessness, blame, and shame. In today's world, we all may have an adult bully in our lives sooner or later. For anyone who has a bully in their life now, for professionals who counsel victims of bullying, and for anyone who is concerned about the fraying of our culture and society, this book gives effective strategies to prevent bullies from taking over. Eddy's six-step approach includes useful advice on how to: Recognize the patterns of bully behavior; Pull the plug on the bully's story; Set limits with credible threats; Impose serious consequences; Communicate effectively about bullies to others; Stand strong with others against bullies; Our New World of Adult Bullies takes a closer look at the dangerous behavior of bullies and how to stop the behavior before it starts.

The Intersection of High Conflict Personalities and Domestic ViolenceIn this compelling episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter dive into the complex relationship between high conflict personalities and domestic violence. They explore how individuals who have borderline personality disorder (BPD) and antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) may contribute to intimate partner violence (IPV), while emphasizing the importance of distinguishing between high conflict families and domestic violence cases.Bill and Megan discuss the challenges faced by professionals in identifying the true perpetrator in a domestic violence situation, as well as the underlying fears and motivations that may drive abusive behavior in individuals with these personality types. They also address the issue of accountability and the potential benefits of group therapy for individuals who have BPD.Questions we answer in this episode:How do high conflict personalities relate to domestic violence?What role do individuals who have BPD and ASPD play in intimate partner violence?What are effective interventions for perpetrators of domestic violence?Key Takeaways:Distinguishing between high conflict families and domestic violence cases is crucial.Individuals who have BPD and ASPD have a higher incidence of IPV perpetration.Setting limits and imposing consequences are essential for holding perpetrators accountable.This episode offers valuable insights into the complexities of domestic violence and high conflict personalities, making it a must-listen for anyone navigating these challenges.Links & Other NotesBOOKSSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderOur New World of Adult BulliesDating RadarCalming Upset People with EARHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesCOURSESConversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 ExpertsStrategies for Helping Clients with Borderline Personalities in DivorceHandling Family Law Cases Involving Antisocial High Conflict PeopleARTICLESDomestic Violence vs. High Conflict Families: Are one or two people driving the conflict?Domestic Violence and Personality Disorders: What's the Connection?Living with High-Conflict People: Do's and Don'ts for Living with an Antisocial High Conflict PeopleDifferences in Dealing with Borderline, Narcissistic and Antisocial Clients in Family LawWhy I Wrote SplittingUnderstanding Borderline Personality Disorder in Family Law CasesOUR WEBSITEhttps://www.highconflictinstitute.com/QUESTIONSSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 4 (01:26) - Domestic Violence and HCPs (03:49) - Bill's Background (06:48) - Stats (09:23) - Anti-Social (14:38) - Verbally Abusive (16:42) - Accountability (18:53) - Disruptive (20:21) - When Law Enforcement's Involved (23:13) - Borderline Personality (27:17) - More Reactive (28:18) - Remorse (29:41) - Can't Control Themselves (31:06) - Generalizations (31:38) - When in One of These Relationships (36:09) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Law Enforcement Guest Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

Political differences can play a role in family estrangement. But simply having differences is not the whole problem. How we communicate with family members who don't share our views affects our ability to connect with them in spite of those differences. In this helpful episode, Tina shares an excerpt from her conversation with relationship expert Bill Eddy, author of Calming Upset People with EAR: How Statements Showing Empathy, Attention, and Respect Can Quickly Defuse a Conflict. For more about communicating effectively with estranged adult children and healing from parent-adult child estrangement, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child. Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join. EPISODE RESOURCE: Calming Upset People with EAR by Bill Eddy

The Love You Hate You Types - High Conflict Borderline PersonalitiesIn this episode of "It's All Your Fault," Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the world of high conflict borderline personality types, also known as the "Love You Hate You" types. They provide insights and strategies for dealing with these challenging individuals who can quickly turn from charming to rage-filled.Understanding the High Conflict Borderline PersonalityBill and Megan discuss the defining characteristics of individuals with high conflict borderline personality, including their struggle with emotional regulation and tendency to see people in all-or-nothing terms. They note that while not all individuals with borderline personality disorder have a high conflict personality, more than half of them do, making it a significant concern in interpersonal relationships.Navigating Relationships and Key TakeawaysThe hosts provide examples of how high conflict borderline personalities may behave in various settings and discuss the concept of "splitting" and the propensity for lying and seeking revenge. They offer key takeaways, such as setting boundaries and the possibility of treatment and recovery for those affected.Questions we answer in this episode:What are the defining characteristics of high conflict borderline personalities?How prevalent is borderline personality disorder, and what percentage also have a high conflict personality?Why do high conflict borderline personalities often engage in lying and seeking revenge?Key Takeaways:High conflict borderline personalities often struggle with emotional regulation and see people in all-or-nothing terms.Lying and seeking revenge are common behaviors stemming from a fear of abandonment.Treatment and recovery are possible for individuals with high conflict borderline personality disorder.This episode provides valuable information and insights for anyone dealing with a high conflict borderline personality in their life, offering strategies for managing these challenging relationships and maintaining well-being.Links & Other NotesBOOKSSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderCalming Upset People with EARDating RadarHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesCOURSESStrategies for Helping Clients with Borderline Personalities in DivorceConflict Influencer™ ClassARTICLESDifferences in Dealing with Borderline, Narcissistic and Antisocial Clients in Family LawLiving with High-Conflict People: Do's and Don'ts for Living with a Borderline High Conflict PersonWhy I Wrote SplittingUnderstanding Borderline Personality Disorder in Family Law Cases7 Tips for Working with Clients with Borderline Personality DisorderLiving on the Edge: Borderline High Conflict PeopleCan High-Conflict People Change?OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:37) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 3 (01:10) - Borderline Personality (07:39) - What does the term mean? (08:50) - Looking for Connection (10:42) - Statistics (14:03) - High Sensitivity (16:26) - Splitting (18:22) - Lying (22:01) - Apologizing (24:47) - Why Vindictive? (28:46) - Finding Success (32:51) - Empathy (35:08) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Domestic Violence Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

Introducing the 5 Types of High Conflict Personalities: Who Can Ruin Your Life? (Part 1)In this thought-provoking first episode of a new series on It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, embark on an exploration of the five types of high conflict personalities who can wreak havoc in your life. Drawing from Bill's book "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life," they provide a broad overview of these challenging personalities, setting the stage for a deeper dive into each type in upcoming episodes.Understanding High Conflict PersonalitiesBill and Megan illuminate the perplexing nature of high conflict personalities, emphasizing that these individuals often lack self-awareness and may not even realize the impact of their behavior on others. They stress the importance of recognizing patterns of behavior rather than focusing on isolated incidents, as high conflict personalities tend to exhibit consistent patterns of blame-shifting, all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, and extreme behaviors.Navigating Relationships with High Conflict IndividualsThroughout the episode, Bill and Megan offer practical strategies for navigating relationships with high conflict personalities. They caution against common pitfalls, such as attempting to provide insight into the person's behavior or engaging in emotional arguments. Instead, they recommend focusing on the present, offering choices, and using the CARS method (Connect, Analyze, Respond, Set Limits) to de-escalate conflicts and maintain healthy boundaries.Questions we answer in this episode:Who are the five types of high conflict personalities that can ruin your life?What are the defining characteristics of a high conflict personality?How can I recognize patterns of high conflict behavior?What are the common mistakes to avoid when dealing with high conflict individuals?What can I expect from the upcoming episodes in this series?Key Takeaways:The five types of high conflict personalities can have a profound negative impact on your life if left unchecked.High conflict personalities often lack self-awareness and may not realize the impact of their behavior on others.Recognizing patterns of behavior is crucial when dealing with high conflict individuals.Avoid trying to provide insight, engaging in emotional arguments, focusing on the past, or labeling the person.Stay tuned for upcoming episodes that will explore each of the five types in greater depth, providing targeted strategies for managing these specific personalities.Whether you're dealing with a high conflict partner, family member, coworker, or friend, this episode sets the foundation for understanding and managing these challenging relationships. By introducing the five types of high conflict personalities and providing a broad overview of strategies for dealing with them, Bill and Megan offer listeners a roadmap for the upcoming series, which promises to deliver invaluable insights and tools for navigating life's most difficult interpersonal dynamics.Links & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeARTICLESWho Are High-Conflict People?The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeFive Types of High-Conflict Personalities And their targets of blame—and sometimes violence.Anybody You Know? Predictable Characteristics of High Conflict PeopleCOURSESCourses for professional trainingCourses for individualsConflict Influencer Class (live virtual)OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life (01:14) - Creating Awareness (05:54) - Starting to See It Differently (12:09) - Key Characteristics (21:29) - Options (22:34) - Four Forget-About-Its (25:57) - Four Things to Do (28:56) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Narcissistic High Conflict People Learn more about our New Ways for Work for Leaders. Get started today!

Bill Eddy is Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute based in San Diego, California. He trains lawyers, judges, mediators, and therapists throughout the United States and a dozen other countries in managing high-conflict family, workplace and legal disputes. He is the author of over 20 books and manuals and has a popular blog on PsychologyToday.com. Latest Book: Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them ― How to Stop Them https://amzn.to/3Z8JLFU Website: https://highconflictinstitute.com/ Instagram: @highconflictinstitute ____________________________________________________________________ Check out my FREE Live webinar, the OUTSMART A NARCISSIST A 4-STEP PROVEN PLAN To Take Your Power Back RIGHT HERE Learn more about the SLAY Your Negotiation with Narcissists program right here:  https://slay.rebeccazung.com/slay-it-now-a ___________________________________ _________________________________ For more information on REBECCA ZUNG, ESQ. visit her website www.rebeccazung.com and follow her on Instagram: @rebeccazung and YouTube!  GRAB YOUR FREE CRUSH MY NEGOTIATION PREP WORKSHEET RIGHT HERE!  SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL RIGHT HERE. THIS WEEK'S SPONSOR INFORMATION:   ❤️ Air Doctor : Go to airdoctorpro.com and use promo code YOURBESTLIFE to receive upto 39% off or upto $300 off! ❤️ Shopify : Sign up for a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/bestlife ❤️ RoBody: Go to ro.co/REBECCA, and pay just $99 for your first month, then $145 a month after that. ❤️ Quince : Go to Quince.com/negotiate for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Thank you to Aura for sponsoring this episode. Secure your online presence and start your free 14-day trial at https://aura.com/DrCarter  Sign up for Dr. Carter's NEW course: Ready, Set, Connect https://courses.survivingnarcissism.tv/courses/ready-set-connect Get 30% off when you use the coupon code: SNCommunity30 Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars.  He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Join the Team Healthy community HERE: https://survivingnarcissism.tv/subscribe/  Check out videos, articles, quizzes, and more at our website:  https://survivingnarcissism.tv You can follow Surviving Narcissism on: Twitter:  @SNarcissism101 Instagram:  @survivingnarcissism101 Facebook: @survivingnarcissism101 Dr. Carter has two other courses that you may find to be useful: Free to Be: Reclaim & rediscover your uniqueness https://survivingnarcissism.tv/free-to-be-course/ This Is Me: Setting boundaries with the controllers in your life   https://survivingnarcissism.tv/this-is-me  Dr. Carter's personal website: http://drlescarter.com/ Dr. Carter's other YouTube channel:  https://www.youtube.com/c/drlescarter Bookstore: https://survivingnarcissism.tv/books-on-narcissism-surviving-narcissism/ If you are interested in online therapy, Dr. Carter has a sponsor who can assist.  As the need is there, please seek the help you deserve: https://betterhelp.com/survivingnarcissismpodcast We receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp. We only recommend services that we trust.

In this episode, Brian Walters meets with Bill Eddy, the co-founder of the High Conflict Institute and a renowned expert and author on high conflict personalities. Brian and Bill delve into the complexities of family law cases that involve high conflict personalities and offer insights and strategies for navigating these challenging situations. To find out more about Bill Eddy, the High Conflict Institute and to purchase his books: https://highconflictinstitute.com/Our team is experienced in the nuances of family law matters involving complex and high conflict situations and we understand that these cases require a strategic approach and we can guide you on what legal steps as well as what a long-term plan may look like for your family and your peace of mind. If you are interested in consulting with a member of our legal team, go to www.waltersgilbreath.com or email us podcast@waltersgilbreath.com. 

When you think bullies, you may think about school aged children, but what happens when you are an adult dealing with adult bullies? This week Michelle Dempsey-Multack welcomes back Bill Eddy to discuss managing bullies as an adult. Bill Eddy is an expert in dealing with high-conflict individuals and is sure to leave you feeling empowered after this episode. Together Michelle and Bill will cover: Learning to talk about how you are feeling when being bullied Leading with empathy to understand the other person's behavior Reminding yourself that many bullies are unaware of what they are doing Setting limits and imposing consequences AND MUCH MORE Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. is High Conflict Institute's co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer. He pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP) and has become an expert on managing disputes involving people with high conflict personalities. He was the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center for 15 years, a Certified Family Law Specialist lawyer representing clients in family court for 15 years, and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker therapist with twelve years' experience. He serves on the faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law in California and is a Conjoint Associate Professor with the University of Newcastle Law School in Australia. He has been a keynote speaker and trainer in over 30 U.S. states and 10 countries. In addition to authoring over twenty books, he writes a popular blog on PsychologyToday.com with over five million views. Check out his amazing books, here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of Narcissist Apocalypse Q&A, Brandon talks with Bill Eddy (LCSW Esq.) about his new book Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them – How to Stop Them. Bill Eddy is an attorney, therapist, mediator, and the Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute - and has spent his career helping people fight adult bullies. We discuss why adult bullies are more prevalent in society than ever before, and Bill offers actionable advice for those who encounter them everyday. This practical guidance can help individuals, businesses, and community groups identify and stop bullying behavior, empowering them to take control of their environments. To get a consultation from Bill Eddy and purchase his books, please go to https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ If you want to be a guest on our survivor story podcast, please click here or send us an email at narcissistapocalypse@gmail.com To help out our podcast, please fill out our listener survey, click here. PODCAST RECOMMENDATIONS: Perfect Prey With Dr. Christine Cocchiola | Click Here The Covert Narcissism Podcast | Click Here Something Was Wrong | Click Here If you or someone you know are experiencing abuse, you are not alone. DomesticShelters.org offers an extensive library of articles and resources that can help you make sense of what you're experiencing, connect you with local resources and find ways to heal and move forward. Visit www.domesticshelters.org to access this free resource.  If you need help moving due to domestic violence, Shelter Movers may be able to help you. They operate by referral. Clients may be referred by any person of authority (social worker, doctor, police, crisis counselor, teacher, etc.) or public agency (shelter, hospital, school, workplace, place of worship, sexual assault centre, etc.).  To reach them, click here. Join our new Community Social Network at https://community.narcissistapocalypse.com/ Join our Instagram Channel at https://www.instagram.com/narcissistapocalypse Join our Youtube Channel at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpTIgjTqVJa4caNWMIAJllA Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Find out the celebrity Lunchbox saw leaving a coffee shop that he harassed! Plus, Eddie shares why he's frustrated over a paid parking spot at the grocery store. Then, we talk to Bill Eddy, the author of Our New World of Adult Bullies, about how to handle adult bullies, how Lunchbox acts on the show and more!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.