Podcast appearances and mentions of Bill Eddy

Managing High Conflict in Today's WorkplaceIn this episode from the High Conflict Institute archives, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome Cherolyn Knapp, a lawyer, mediator, and workplace investigator who brings fresh perspectives on handling workplace conflict. While the discussion captures workplace dynamics during an earlier phase of post-pandemic adjustment, the insights on conflict management remain remarkably relevant for today's organizations.Understanding Workplace Conflict PatternsThe discussion explores how traditional workplace conflict resolution methods often fall short with certain behavioral patterns. Cherolyn shares insights from her extensive experience, noting that while standard approaches work for 80-90% of situations, some cases require specialized skills and understanding. Though recorded closer to the initial workplace disruptions of the pandemic, the conversation highlights enduring challenges in managing high conflict situations that continue to resonate.Questions We Answer in This Episode:Why do traditional HR approaches fail with certain behavioral patterns?What makes the New Ways for Work method effective?When should organizations invest in specialized conflict coaching?Key Takeaways:Traditional conflict resolution methods work for most employees but fail with about 10-20% of casesEarly intervention with skill-building can prevent escalation to terminationConnection and empathy are crucial elements in managing high conflict situationsThe New Ways for Work method offers a structured approach that helps organizations identify when standard interventions aren't working and provides alternative strategies. This skills-based program gives both employees and managers practical tools they can implement immediately, proving just as valuable today as when this episode first aired.The episode provides valuable insights for HR professionals, workplace coaches, and leaders seeking to create healthier workplace environments. While some conflict is inevitable in any organization, understanding these patterns and having the right tools can transform seemingly impossible situations into manageable ones.Additional Resources:Books & Training:New Ways for Work® Coaching ManualNew Ways for Work® WorkbookIt's All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps (Pre-order)Professional Development:New Ways Training RegistrationCustom Training for OrganizationsNew Ways ProgramsConflict Influencer CertificationArticles & Resources:New Ways for Work: A New Coaching MethodWhy Can't They Get It? What to do when coworkers and employees have no idea how they behaveConnect With Us:Visit our websiteSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collectionFind all episode notesFollow us on Facebook | Twitter | LinkedInNote: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:42) - Meet Cherolyn Knapp (03:42) - Questions (21:01) - New Ways for Work (29:25) - Tips (31:38) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: (33:42) - Wrap Up

Susan Guthrie welcomes two extraordinary guests whose combined perspectives offer something rarely seen in the world of divorce. Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., returns to the show alongside author Matthew A. Tower, whose new book Love Wars: Clash of the Parents gives listeners an unprecedented inside look at what high-conflict divorce feels like through the eyes of a child. Together, their insights reveal the emotional reality children carry, the predictable patterns behind high-conflict behaviors, and the steps parents can take to protect their kids from the fallout. Love Wars follows Matthew's journey from ages six to eleven as he navigated two volatile households, emotional unpredictability, parentification, negative advocates, and the relentless pressure to choose sides. His story is raw, illuminating, and at times difficult to hear, yet it is also deeply important. Bill helps contextualize Matthew's lived experience through High Conflict Personality Theory and offers guidance parents and professionals can use immediately. This conversation is a powerful companion to Bill's book Splitting and the perfect next step for anyone committed to changing the emotional climate for their children. Why This Conversation Matters High-conflict divorce leaves a lasting imprint on children, but the full internal experience is almost never visible to parents, courts, or professionals. Matthew's story pulls back the curtain on what children absorb, what they fear, how they cope, and why the conflict shapes them long after the legal case is over. Bill explains how splitting, emotional volatility, and personality-driven dynamics create confusion, fear, and reactivity for children who do not yet have the capacity to regulate intense emotions. He also highlights why professionals often miss what is really happening, and how parents can change the trajectory by lowering conflict, creating predictability, and becoming the steady emotional anchor their children desperately need. Together, Bill and Matthew offer clarity, compassion, and a path forward for families caught in high-conflict cycles. In this episode, you will learn: What children internalize during high-conflict divorce and why they absorb the emotional intensity around them Why parentification is so damaging and how children become emotional caregivers when adults are dysregulated How high-conflict parents recruit negative advocates and why these dynamics intensify the conflict Why kids shut down, freeze, or dissociate when the emotional environment becomes overwhelming How calm, consistent adults like Matthew's stepmother Holly can become a lifeline What courts and professionals often overlook when evaluating children's preferences or resistance What parents can do right now to lower reactivity, reduce conflict, and create safety for their children About the Guests:  Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. - Bill Eddy is a lawyer, therapist, mediator, best-selling author, co-founder, and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute. He pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP Theory) and has become an international expert on managing disputes involving high conflict personalities and personality disorders. He provides training to lawyers, judges, mediators, managers, human resource professionals, businesspersons, healthcare administrators, college administrators, homeowners' association managers, ombudspersons, law enforcement, therapists and others. He has been a speaker and trainer in over 30 U.S. states and 10 countries. Visit the High Conflict Institute to find out more about Bill, the Institute's wealth of resources for managing high conflict relationships and more of Bill's books!   https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/ Listen to Bill's other episode, "Get Ready to BIFF Your High Conflict Co-Parent" on Divorce & Beyond here:  https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-q3hpd-f87a79 Get your copy of Splitting: How to Protect Yourself When Divorcing a Narcissist or Borderline here: https://amzn.to/3C22aGH Matthew A. Tower - Matthew A. Tower is an author, art director, audiobook narrator, and entrepreneur. He first saw Star Wars in theaters at age three. Love Wars: Clash of the Parents, A True Divorce Story is his debut work of literature. Previously, he was founder and CEO of Versus Books, and published more than 50 gaming strategy guides for hits like The Legend of Zelda, selling over 5 million copies. Get your copy of Love Wars: Clash of the Parents here: https://amzn.to/4oCN15T  Learn more at: https://lovewars.com ===================== Make the Most of Your Listening Experience: If this episode resonates with you, be sure to: Subscribe to Divorce & Beyond so you never miss an episode. Share this episode with friends or loved ones who need hope and healing. Leave a 5-star review to help us reach even more listeners. Follow Us Online: Divorce & Beyond:  https://divorceandbeyondpod.com, IG: @divorceandbeyondpod Meet Our Host Susan E. Guthrie®, Esq. is one of the nation's leading family law and mediation experts, with more than 35 years of experience helping individuals and families navigate divorce and conflict with clarity and compassion. She is the Immediate Past Chair of the American Bar Association Section of Dispute Resolution, a best-selling author, and a sought-after speaker, trainer, and practice-building consultant. Susan recently appeared as the featured expert on The Oprah Podcast, where she shared her insights on gray divorce and the changing landscape of relationships. Her expertise has also been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, The Washington Post, NewsNation, and NBC's Chicago Today, among many others. As the creator and host of the award-winning Divorce & Beyond® Podcast, ranked in the top 1% of all podcasts worldwide with more than 3.4 million downloads, Susan brings together top experts and powerful personal stories to help listeners move through divorce and beyond with confidence, insight, and hope. Learn more about Susan and her work at susaneguthrie.com. Divorce & Beyond is a Top 1% Overall and Top 100 Self-Help podcast designed to help you with all you need to know to navigate your divorce journey and most importantly, to thrive in your beautiful beyond!   ***************************************************************************** A Smarter, Simpler Way to Navigate Your Divorce Looking for a clearer and more affordable way to move through your divorce? Check out Hello Divorce. Their guided online platform combines easy-to-follow tools with real legal and coaching support to help you complete your divorce with less stress, less confusion, and far lower costs than a traditional courtroom battle. They have created a special page just for Divorce & Beyond listeners. Explore your options at hellodivorce.com/susan. ***************************************************************************** Opportunities for Expert Guests and Fellow Podcasters Partner with Divorce & Beyond Whether you're a podcaster looking to expand your reach or an expert ready to share your insights, Divorce & Beyond offers the perfect platform to amplify your voice.  Find out more here: https://divorceandbeyondpod.com/guest-opportunities ***************************************************************************** DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN LEGAL ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM

In This Week's The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz, Ilyssa Welcomes Founder, Dorman Mediation Services, Lisa Dorman on Navigating Child Support Issues. Co-Founder of The High Conflict Institute Bill Eddy on Co-Parenting Challenges Over The Holidays. The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz is a safe and comfortable place for listeners to put their feet up and escape from the daily grind while we offer you comfort and advice during a challenging and often isolating time in your life. It is hard to turn to friends and family who don't understand what you are going through emotionally, mentally, or economically but we do and there is nothing to feel ashamed about! While the topics and guests will vary every week – the messaging is always the same: we are going to help you get through this dark period and despite how bleak you may think things look. If you cannot see the audio controls,

This week on Divorce & Beyond, we are bringing back the number one episode of all time, my conversation with the incomparable Bill Eddy about his groundbreaking book Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This encore episode is more timely than ever and is also the perfect lead-in to next week's very special conversation with author Matthew A. Tower and Bill Eddy about Matthew's new book Love Wars: Clash of the Parents. That episode takes you inside the emotional experience of a child living through a high-conflict divorce. Today's replay sets the foundation for everything we will discuss next week. Why This Episode Matters There is a reason this conversation has remained the most downloaded episode in the history of Divorce and Beyond. Bill Eddy's insights have helped countless listeners understand what is happening in their high conflict divorce, why the conflict feels impossible to manage, and how to protect themselves and their children from the fallout. If you are facing a high-conflict situation, or if your co-parent has patterns of narcissistic, borderline, or antisocial behavior, this episode will give you the clarity and direction you need. In this episode you will learn: • What borderline, narcissistic, and antisocial personality patterns look like during divorce, and why they escalate conflict • The biggest mistakes people make when trying to “diagnose” or explain their spouse's behavior • How to communicate effectively using Bill's BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) • Why judges often get high-conflict cases wrong, and what you can do to present your case clearly and effectively • How to document incidents safely and strategically • What to expect when divorcing a high-conflict person and how to pace yourself for the long haul • When mediation works, when it does not, and why preparation matters • How to stay calm and grounded when your spouse appears calm in court and you do not • The three biggest patterns you must highlight to the court so your case is understood • Why support systems, emotional boundaries, and strategic planning are essential for survival Bill's wisdom is clear, practical, and actionable. Whether you are preparing for divorce, in the thick of litigation, or co-parenting with a high-conflict ex, this episode gives you tools that truly make a difference. About Bill Eddy Bill Eddy is a therapist, lawyer, mediator, and co-founder of the High Conflict Institute. He has authored more than 20 books, including Splitting, BIFF for Co-Parents, and Mediating High Conflict Disputes, and is recognized worldwide as the leading expert on high-conflict personalities and their impact on divorce and family court. He is also one of the most popular and trusted guests in the history of Divorce and Beyond. A Perfect Lead-in to Next Week Be sure to tune in next week when Bill joins me again along with author Matthew A. Tower for a powerful new episode unpacking Matthew's true story of growing up in a high-conflict divorce in Love Wars: Clash of the Parents. It is an unforgettable look at how conflict affects children from the inside. Resources Mentioned • Splitting:Second Edition: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger: https://amzn.to/48eSPfu • High Conflict Institute: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com • BIFF for Co-Parent Communication by Bill Eddy: https://amzn.to/4iqZ18X • Mediating High Conflict Disputes  by Bill Eddy: https://amzn.to/4rlQgkD   Make the Most of Your Listening Experience: If this episode resonates with you, be sure to: Subscribe to Divorce & Beyond so you never miss an episode. Share this episode with friends or loved ones who need hope and healing. Leave a 5-star review to help us reach even more listeners. Follow Us Online: Divorce & Beyond:  https://divorceandbeyondpod.com, IG: @divorceandbeyondpod Meet Our Host Susan E. Guthrie®, Esq. is one of the nation's leading family law and mediation experts, with more than 35 years of experience helping individuals and families navigate divorce and conflict with clarity and compassion. She is the Immediate Past Chair of the American Bar Association Section of Dispute Resolution, a best-selling author, and a sought-after speaker, trainer, and practice-building consultant. Susan recently appeared as the featured expert on The Oprah Podcast, where she shared her insights on gray divorce and the changing landscape of relationships. Her expertise has also been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, The Washington Post, NewsNation, and NBC's Chicago Today, among many others. As the creator and host of the award-winning Divorce & Beyond® Podcast, ranked in the top 1% of all podcasts worldwide with more than 3.4 million downloads, Susan brings together top experts and powerful personal stories to help listeners move through divorce and beyond with confidence, insight, and hope. Learn more about Susan and her work at susaneguthrie.com. Divorce & Beyond is a Top 1% Overall and Top 100 Self-Help podcast designed to help you with all you need to know to navigate your divorce journey and most importantly, to thrive in your beautiful beyond!   ***************************************************************************** A Smarter, Simpler Way to Navigate Your Divorce Looking for a clearer and more affordable way to move through your divorce? Check out Hello Divorce. Their guided online platform combines easy-to-follow tools with real legal and coaching support to help you complete your divorce with less stress, less confusion, and far lower costs than a traditional courtroom battle. They have created a special page just for Divorce & Beyond listeners. Explore your options at hellodivorce.com/susan. ***************************************************************************** Opportunities for Expert Guests and Fellow Podcasters Partner with Divorce & Beyond Whether you're a podcaster looking to expand your reach or an expert ready to share your insights, Divorce & Beyond offers the perfect platform to amplify your voice.  Find out more here: https://divorceandbeyondpod.com/guest-opportunities ***************************************************************************** DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN LEGAL ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM

Is your communication style a red flag?

Setting Limits That Stick: The SLIC Approach to Conflict ResolutionBill Eddy and Megan Hunter discuss SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps, co-authored by Bill Eddy and Ekaterina Ricci. This episode explores how their practical SLIC method (Setting Limits, Imposing Consequences) helps parents establish and maintain effective boundaries with children of all ages.Understanding the SLIC MethodThe SLIC approach combines three key elements: setting clear limits, imposing appropriate consequences, and using strategic empathy statements. This 2 1/2 step method provides a structured framework for parents facing boundary-testing behaviors, whether dealing with toddlers learning self-control or teenagers pushing social limits. Bill's extensive background in child development, education, and family therapy informs practical applications across various parenting scenarios.Questions Answered in This EpisodeWhat are the five key questions to ask when imposing consequences?How should consequences vary by age and development stage?When and how should parents collaborate with teachers on limits?What makes limit-setting effective in divorced family situations?How can parents overcome fear of setting firm boundaries?Key TakeawaysProportional consequences maintain effectiveness and teach responsibilityEarly limit-setting creates foundation for teenage boundary acceptanceParent-teacher-community alignment strengthens limit enforcementBoth positive and negative consequences play essential rolesThe SLIC method works across various family structures and situationsThis episode equips parents, teachers, and caregivers with practical tools from the SLIC method to establish consistent, effective boundaries while maintaining strong relationships with children. Listeners learn how to implement this structured approach across different ages and challenging situations.Additional ResourcesExpert PublicationsNew Book available for pre-order: SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsProfessional DevelopmentInvite us to speak at your organizationNew Ways Training (work, mediation, divorce)Conflict Influencer Class (for personal life)Connect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:46) - Setting Limits (01:22) - Bill's New Book (04:35) - Young Children (10:29) - Do Consequences Work For Everyone? (14:42) - Five Questions (16:46) - Teacher and Student (20:36) - Overcoming Fear of Setting Limits (22:53) - Older Kids (31:58) - Wrap Up

In This Week's The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz, Ilyssa Welcomes Attorney and Founder, Weinman Family Law, Daryl Weinman on What Happens When Divorce Goes To Trial. Co-Founder High Conflict Institute Bill Eddy on His New Book SLIC Solutions for Conflict. The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz is a safe and comfortable place for listeners to put their feet up and escape from the daily grind while we offer you comfort and advice during a challenging and often isolating time in your life. It is hard to turn to friends and family who don't understand what you are going through emotionally, mentally, or economically but we do and there is nothing to feel ashamed about! While the topics and guests will vary every week – the messaging is always the same: we are going to help you get through this dark period and despite how bleak you may think things look. If you cannot see the audio controls,

When you've got kids with someone, you need to be able to cooperate. But what do you do if your ex is emotionally unstable/volatile, physically or emotionally abusive, or otherwise difficult?Most partners don't start out that way, of course. As one man put it, it felt more like "the ground could be kind of unstable" in the relationship. Another said, "I was hyper-aware of her emotions all the time, and trying to minimize her upheaval."Maybe the two of you have even tried seeing a couple's counselor. But it didn't work -- or in some cases, even seemed to make things worse. Says one man, "Even in therapy, a lot of it was, ‘You're the cause of this.'"Here, three men share their personal experiences of co-parenting with challenging partners -- women who often have traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).They go into what it was like being in the relationship, the progression from being a childless couple to having children together, and then the journey out. They share both practical and emotional tips about co-parenting, and offer what they've learned along the way.If you're in this situation, may this help to light the way.Memorable quotes:“She said things like, ‘You have ruined my life, and caused me more trauma.'”“It's hard to see that stuff when you're in it.”“In reality, we just had wounds that sort of fit well together at the time.”“I told myself I had a loyalty to her.”“I had so much fear of, 'What's gonna happen if I actually follow through?'”“At some point I didn't feel safe; I felt threatened.”“What made things better for everyone, including my ex, was strong, healthy boundaries.”---Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder (ft. Violet Lange)Book: Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder, by Paul T. Mason & Randi KregerBook: Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder by Shari Y. Manning, PhDBook: Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy, Randi Kreger, et alBook: Parallel Parenting -- The Only Way to Co-parent with a Narcissist: Managing a Counter Parent, Setting Boundaries, and Protecting Your Child From Parental Alienation by Wendy CarterArticle: 25 Fictional Characters People With Borderline Personality Disorder Relate To (https://themighty.com/topic/borderline-personality-disorder/bpd-borderline-personality-disorder-fictional-characters/)

Identifying Red Flags: Making Safer Relationship ChoicesDr. David Wexler joins Bill Eddy to discuss his new book "Choose Him Wisely: How to Identify a Safe Partner," co-authored with Dr. Donald Meichenbaum. Drawing from over 40 years of clinical experience working with relationship dynamics and domestic violence, Dr. Wexler shares crucial insights about recognizing concerning patterns early in relationships.Understanding Warning SignsThe conversation explores three key categories of warning signs: observed behaviors, historical factors, and gut feelings. Dr. Wexler explains how early relationship behaviors like "love bombing," expressions of contempt, and patterns of entitlement can indicate potential future challenges. The discussion examines why psychological abuse often creates deeper lasting impacts than physical abuse through its systematic erosion of self-esteem and autonomy.Questions Answered in This EpisodeWhat are the top three warning signs of potentially abusive relationships?How can someone distinguish between healthy attention and concerning obsession?Why do people sometimes ignore clear warning signs?What role does family history play in relationship patterns?When is couples therapy helpful or potentially harmful?Key TakeawaysEarly relationship intensity ("love bombing") warrants careful evaluationExpressions of contempt and entitlement serve as significant red flagsPersonal boundaries and gut feelings provide valid assessment criteriaUnderstanding attachment patterns helps explain relationship choicesSelf-blame often prevents recognition of concerning behaviorsThis episode provides valuable tools for anyone navigating dating and relationships, offering practical guidance for evaluating potential partners while maintaining healthy boundaries. The discussion emphasizes empowerment through awareness rather than victim-blaming, acknowledging that while warning signs exist, many relationships can provide safe, healthy connections.Additional ResourcesDr. WexlerBook: Choose Him WiselyRelationship Training InstituteOnline Course for Family Law: Conversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 Experts Law PrfProfessional DevelopmentInvite us to speak at your organizationNew Ways Training (work, mediation, divorce)Conflict Influencer Class (for personal life)Connect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:42) - Dr. David Wexler (02:41) - David's Book Choose Him Wisely (03:42) - David's Background (09:23) - Warning Signs (14:25) - Obstructions (23:18) - Psychological vs. Physical Abuse (26:53) - From Victim to Abuser (30:33) - Where Is the Line? (35:09) - Gut Feeling Test (38:07) - Counseling and Couples Counseling (43:34) - Wrap Up

Ever feel blindsided by someone who seemed charming, helpful, or even caring—only to realize later they were quietly dismantling your peace?This week, conflict expert Bill Eddy, author of The Five Types of People That Ruin Your Life, joins Dr. Kerry to unpack the five high-conflict personality types most likely to cause chaos in relationships, workplaces, and families.Podcast Extra Exclusive InterviewFind the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here. More About the Podcast Extra Interview 

Navigating Grandparent Roles in High Conflict DivorcesThis episode of "It's All Your Fault" features Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter addressing two distinct listener questions. The first explores the challenging position grandparents face when their adult children experience contentious divorces. The second examines complex co-parenting dynamics involving an ex-spouse demonstrating high conflict behavior and a new spouse seeking involvement.Understanding Family Dynamics in High Conflict SituationsThe hosts examine how family members can effectively navigate these challenging situations while maintaining appropriate boundaries. They discuss practical strategies for managing communication, setting limits, and fostering healthy relationships during custody disputes and co-parenting arrangements.First Listener Question: Grandparent Support During DivorceHow can grandparents maintain supportive relationships with both parents?What strategies help when grandchildren show signs of alienation?How should grandparents respond to concerning statements from grandchildren?When should grandparents intervene versus step back?What approaches help maintain healthy boundaries while supporting the family?Second Listener Question: Co-Parenting with Ex-Spouse and New WifeHow to manage communication with an ex-spouse showing high conflict behavior?What boundaries make sense when dealing with military-related trauma?Should you engage with the new wife's attempts at relationship building?How to maintain BIFF communication effectively?When is parallel parenting more appropriate than attempted collaboration?Throughout the episode, the hosts emphasize several key approaches for managing these complex situations. They stress the importance of setting clear, matter-of-fact limits to maintain healthy relationships and recommend using the "four big skills" framework when teaching children appropriate behaviors. The discussion highlights how parallel parenting often proves more sustainable than forced closeness, and emphasizes the value of building trust gradually rather than rushing relationships. The hosts also underscore the importance of maintaining healthy skepticism while remaining open to positive developments in these challenging family dynamics.The episode provides valuable insights for grandparents, divorced parents, and new spouses navigating complex family dynamics. While recognizing the challenges of these situations, the hosts offer practical approaches that prioritize children's wellbeing while maintaining appropriate boundaries.Additional ResourcesExpert Publications⇨ Book (pre-orders - publishing November 2025):  SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps⇨ Book: BIFF for CoParent Communication (Appendix B mentioned in podcast)⇨ Book: Don't Alienate the KidsPersonal Transformation Solutions⇨ Conflict Influencer® 6-week class (Zoom) for everyone⇨ New Ways for Families® Co-parenting Without Court Online Class (with optional coaching - mentioned in podcast)⇨ 1:1 Coaching & Consultation (For Your Legal Case w/ Bill Eddy; For Other Situations w/ Megan Hunter)Professional Development⇨ Bill Eddy's Signature New Ways Training (for mediators; for counselors and divorce coaches; for workplace coaches; for workplace leaders)Connect With Us⇨ Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com⇨ Submit questions for Bill and Megan⇨ Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats⇨ Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - More Listener Questions (01:20) - Grandparents in High Conflict Divorces (18:21) - Settling Limits with Ex and His New Wife (28:46) - Wrap Up

Navigating Complex Relationships: From Personal Transformation to Step-Family DynamicsBill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore two compelling listener questions involving relationship challenges and personal growth. This episode provides valuable insights for anyone dealing with complex interpersonal dynamics or seeking lasting behavioral change.Understanding Personal Transformation and High-Conflict RelationshipsThe episode examines how individuals can create meaningful change in their lives through skill development and self-awareness. The hosts discuss practical approaches for managing challenging relationships, particularly in blended family situations where communication difficulties arise between step-parents and biological parents.Questions Addressed in This Episode:How can someone break long-standing behavioral patterns?What role do skills like flexible thinking and emotional management play in personal change?How can step-parents navigate challenging relationships with their partner's ex?What communication strategies work best when dealing with hostile messages?How can someone maintain boundaries while keeping communications focused on children?Key Takeaways:Change is possible through developing specific skills: flexible thinking, managed emotions, moderate behavior, and self-checkingCreating new behavioral patterns rather than trying to eliminate old onesThe value of "extinction" in managing difficult communicationsImportance of responding only to relevant information in hostile messagesUnderstanding that others' hostile behavior reflects their operating system, not personal failingThe hosts emphasize the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm) as a cornerstone communication strategy, along with other practical approaches such as focusing on logistics and future-oriented communications, maintaining boundaries while staying civil, recognizing when non-response is the best response, and separating emotional content from necessary information. These tools provide actionable approaches for anyone seeking to improve challenging relationships or create lasting personal change, while emphasizing the importance of skill development and consistent practice.Additional ResourcesExpert PublicationsBook (pre-orders being taken - publishing November 2025): SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsBook: 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifePersonal TransformationConflict Influencer® 6-week class (Zoom) for everyoneNew Ways for Families® Co-parenting Without Court Online Class (with optional coaching)1:1 Coaching & Consultation (For Your Legal Case w/ Bill Eddy; For Other Situations w/ Megan Hunter)Professional DevelopmentBill Eddy's Signature New Ways Training (for mediators; for counselors and divorce coaches; for workplace coaches; for workplace leaders)Connect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:41) - Listener Question #1 (11:16) - Listener Question #2 (28:52) - Reminders

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. In This Week's The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz, Ilyssa Welcomes Attorney at Sklavos Law Kenneth Troy To Discuss Domestic Violence and Technology. Co-Founder of The High Conflict Institute Bill Eddy on Domestic Violence in Relationships The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz is a safe and comfortable place for listeners to put their feet up and escape from the daily grind while we offer you comfort and advice during a challenging and often isolating time in your life. It is hard to turn to friends and family who don't understand what you are going through emotionally, mentally, or economically but we do and there is nothing to feel ashamed about! While the topics and guests will vary every week – the messaging is always the same: we are going to help you get through this dark period and despite how bleak you may think things look. If you cannot see the audio controls,

Navigating Hostile Neighbor Situations: Understanding and Managing Community ConflictResponding to a listener question, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter address a challenging situation many face: dealing with hostile neighbors. This episode explores strategies for maintaining composure while protecting yourself and your family when faced with neighborhood tensions, providing practical insights for those experiencing community conflict.Understanding Neighborhood Conflict DynamicsThe hosts analyze how neighborhood disputes can escalate from initial interactions into ongoing patterns of hostile behavior. They examine how children can be affected by and involved in neighborhood tensions, offering guidance for parents navigating these complex dynamics.Questions Answered in This EpisodeHow can you balance standing up for yourself while keeping situations calm?When and how should you involve law enforcement?What legal options exist for addressing neighbor conflicts?How can parents protect children from neighborhood hostility?Key TakeawaysConsider investigating neighborhood dynamics before purchasing propertyDocument problematic behaviors through appropriate channelsFocus on teaching children effective conflict management skillsRemember that disengagement can sometimes be the safest strategyThis episode offers valuable strategies for anyone experiencing neighborhood tensions, emphasizing the importance of making informed decisions that prioritize safety and well-being while maintaining appropriate boundaries. The hosts' practical approach helps listeners understand when to engage, when to seek help, and when to consider other options.Additional ResourcesBook us for Training or KeynoteExpert PublicationsBook: It's All Your Fault!Book: Our New World of Adult BulliesPersonal TransformationConflict Influencer® 6-week class (Zoom) for everyoneNew Ways for Families® Co-parenting Without Court Online Class (with optional coaching)1:1 Coaching & Consultation (For Your Legal Case w/ Bill Eddy; For Other Situations w/ Megan Hunter)Professional DevelopmentBill Eddy's Signature New Ways Training (for mediators; for counselors and divorce coaches; for workplace coaches; for workplace leaders)Connect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - Listener Question: Civility and Bullying (02:58) - Keeping Things Calm in the Face of Hostility (07:00) - Dogs and Kids (10:45) - Involving Law Enforcement (14:55) - Vindictiveness (22:53) - Raising The Child (25:52) - The Four Big Skills (27:46) - Traffic (33:49) - Wrap Up

In this our next listener's questions episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy address three complex scenarios involving challenging relationship dynamics, boundary setting, and family conflicts.Mike seeks advice about an ex-girlfriend who refuses to leave his home despite receiving money to do so, using suicide threats as leverage. The hosts discuss implementing their new SLIC method (Setting Limits, Imposing Consequences) and the importance of following through with consequences while having appropriate support systems in place. They emphasize that enabling behavior rarely leads to positive change.Leonard from Sweden asks about common response patterns when high-conflict people face criticism. Bill explains typical reactions including denial, blame-shifting, playing victim, and counter-accusations. The hosts emphasize avoiding criticism in favor of future-focused communication and setting clear boundaries with consequences.A couple dealing with high-conflict aging parents seeks strategies for managing necessary family relationships. The hosts discuss balancing caregiving responsibilities with boundary setting, offering practical approaches for limiting problematic behaviors while maintaining connections. They emphasize matter-of-fact communication and consistent enforcement of stated consequences.Throughout these scenarios, common themes emerge: the importance of preparing for predictable reactions, maintaining firm but respectful boundaries, and avoiding the trap of criticism. The episode demonstrates how similar principles can help navigate different types of high-conflict situations, whether with ex-partners, aging parents, or other family members who exhibit challenging behaviors.Additional ResourcesPersonal GrowthNew Ways for Families ® Online ClassConflict Influencer® Class (6 weeks on Zoom)BooksSLIC Solutions for Conflict (pre-order)It's All Your FaultOur New World of Adult BulliesConsultationsBook us for a consultation about your high-conflict situation or legal caseTrainingInquire about having us train your organizationConnect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:46) - Listener Question #1 (12:49) - Listener Question #2 (24:12) - Listener Question #3 (33:48) - Wrap Up

When High Conflict Personalities InteractIn this listener-driven episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy tackle three complex scenarios from listeners, exploring relationship dynamics between different personality patterns, protecting children from parental alienation, and repairing family bonds damaged by forced estrangement.Listener Jay asks about common personality pattern pairings in relationships. Bill Eddy shares that about half of high conflict relationships involve two people with challenging personality traits. Common combinations include individuals with borderline and narcissistic traits, as well as those with antisocial and histrionic characteristics. These pairings often occur because the traits fulfill complementary emotional needs - for instance, one partner's need to dominate matching another's tendency to seek attention.Sarah seeks advice about protecting her boyfriend's five-year-old daughter from the negative influence of a high-conflict co-parent. The hosts emphasize teaching children the "four big skills for life" (flexible thinking, managed emotions, moderate behavior, checking accuracy) early, ideally before age 8-9 when children become more susceptible to parental alienation. They stress the importance of focusing on positive interactions rather than defending against accusations.Joel describes a challenging situation where his wife demands he cut ties with their oldest child and has influenced their younger children, including an 11-year-old, to reject both the oldest sibling and Joel himself. The hosts recommend seeking court-ordered family counseling, especially for younger children, and maintaining a consistent message of refusing to take sides while expressing love for all family members. They emphasize the importance of early intervention to prevent long-term alienation.Throughout these varied scenarios, a common thread emerges: the importance of maintaining boundaries while avoiding extreme responses, teaching resilience skills rather than engaging in conflict, and seeking professional help when needed. The episode demonstrates how similar principles can help navigate different types of high conflict situations, whether in intimate relationships, co-parenting, or extended family dynamics.Additional ResourcesPersonal GrowthNew Ways for Couples & FamiliesBooksDating RadarBIFF for Co-parent CommunicationDon't Alienate the KidsConsultationsBook us for a consultation about your high-conflict situation or legal caseArticleThe Parental Alienation Story: When Kids Resist Parental Contact, Check Each Parent's Story About the OtherTrainingInquire about having us train your organizationConnect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:42) - Listener Question #1 (10:57) - Listener Question #2 (16:35) - Listener Question #3 (23:02) - Wrap Up

In today's world, bullying and aggressive behavior is becoming increasingly prevalent. It's easy to dismiss bullies as jerks, hateful or evil. But according to Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, only by understanding how their personalities work can people effectively intervene with adult bullying behavior. He explains how bullies manipulate others and what we can do to overcome their power. Bill is chief innovation officer of the High Conflict Institute based in San Diego, California. He trains lawyers, judges, mediators, and therapists in managing high-conflict family, workplace and legal disputes. He is the author of over 20 books and manuals and has a popular blog on PsychologyToday.com. Bill is the author of the new book, Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them – How to Stop Them.   Follow CYACYL: Website: www.cyacyl.com Digital: www.cyacyl.com/digital Upcoming shows: www.cyacyl.com/shows Facebook: www.facebook.com/changeyourattitudechangeyourlife Music: www.purple-planet.com

REBROADCASTIn this essential encore episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter delve deep into understanding high conflict borderline personalities, often called the "Love You Hate You" types. They explore the complex world of these challenging relationships, where charm can rapidly transform into rage. The discussion illuminates the defining characteristics of high conflict borderline personalities, including their emotional regulation struggles and tendency toward all-or-nothing thinking. Bill and Megan examine the prevalence of borderline personality disorder, the overlap with high conflict personalities, and offer practical strategies for managing these challenging dynamics while maintaining hope for recovery.Additional ResourcesExpert PublicationsSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with BPD/NPDCalming Upset People with EARDating RadarHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesProfessional DevelopmentStrategies for Helping Clients with Borderline Personalities in DivorceConflict Influencer™ ClassConnect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com Submit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online storeFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:37) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 3 (01:10) - Borderline Personality (07:39) - What does the term mean? (08:50) - Looking for Connection (10:42) - Statistics (14:03) - High Sensitivity (16:26) - Splitting (18:22) - Lying (22:01) - Apologizing (24:47) - Why Vindictive? (27:44) - Finding Success (31:50) - Empathy (34:06) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Domestic Violence

Bill Eddy is a licensed therapist, attorney, and leading expert on high-conflict personalities and dispute resolution. He is the co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute and has developed widely used communication strategies such as the BIFF method. Eddy is the author of numerous influential books, including his newest release, Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them – How to Stop Them. Drawing from his dual background in law and mental health, he equips professionals and the public alike with practical tools to manage conflict and reduce drama in legal, workplace, and personal settings.In our conversation we discuss:(00:00) – Who are the five types of people?(03:04) – How do you know if someone is a narcissist?(09:57) – Why should someone care about this?(13:17) – What is the most common way people respond?(16:15) – How are adult bullies different than kids?(21:17) – Is bullying caused by being bullied?(25:46) – How do we identify gray area people?(33:32) – Does this also apply to gray area types?(36:19) – How do we deal with these people?(46:02) – Can people with high conflict traits change?(52:50) – Should we build alliances to handle conflict?(56:33) – Do these strategies apply to love life?(59:57) – How can someone rebuild confidence afterward?(01:08:43) – Do we over-prioritize controllable relationships?(01:11:13) – How can someone heal from toxic dynamics?Learn more about Bill:High Conflict Institute: https://highconflictinstitute.com/Books:https://www.amazon.com/Types-People-Ruin-Your-Life/dp/0143131362https://www.amazon.com/Our-New-World-Adult-Bullies/dp/0757325106Watch full episodes on: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@seankim⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Connect on IG: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://instagram.com/heyseankim

Navigating Modern Divorce: Technology, Communication, and Moving ForwardIn this listener Q&A episode of How to Split a Toaster, divorce attorney Seth Nelson and host Pete Wright tackle pressing questions about divorce in the digital age. The discussion covers everything from managing electronic communications with ex-partners to the challenges of relocation and new relationships.Digital Age Divorce ChallengesThe hosts explore how technology has transformed divorce and co-parenting, addressing concerns about constant communication through phones and co-parenting apps. Seth provides practical strategies for setting boundaries while maintaining necessary contact, especially regarding court-ordered response times and children's FaceTime calls.Legal Considerations and Personal GrowthThe conversation shifts to critical legal topics like relocation, annulments, and protecting oneself in future relationships. Seth emphasizes the importance of consulting local jurisdiction laws while offering insights on navigating high-conflict situations and managing communication effectively.Mental Health and Moving ForwardA significant portion focuses on the value of mental health support before, during, and after divorce. The hosts discuss how emotional work can positively impact custody arrangements and co-parenting relationships, while emphasizing the importance of setting healthy boundaries.Key Insights:• Set clear communication boundaries through co-parenting apps and scheduled check-ins• Consider mental health support early in the divorce process to improve outcomes• Protect yourself legally and emotionally in future relationships through careful planningThe episode provides practical guidance for managing modern divorce challenges while maintaining focus on healthy relationships and effective co-parenting. Listeners gain valuable insights from both legal and personal growth perspectives, helping them navigate their divorce journey more effectively.For anyone facing divorce in today's interconnected world, this episode offers essential strategies for managing technology, protecting their interests, and maintaining healthy boundaries while prioritizing children's well-being.Links & NotesRead BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns by Bill EddyTune in to It's All Your Fault: The Hight Conflict People podcast with Bill Eddy and Megan HunterSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:26) - Question One (06:39) - Question Two (09:27) - Questions Three and Four (16:42) - Question Five (19:12) - Question Six (22:02) - Question Seven (25:07) - Question Eight (25:52) - Question Nine (29:38) - Wrap Up

Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the crucial distinction between temporary high conflict behaviors and established patterns of high conflict conduct. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, we address common misconceptions about conflict dynamics while introducing our new platform, Conflict Influencer, designed to support individuals navigating challenging relationships.Understanding High Conflict PatternsWe examine how situational stress differs from persistent high conflict behavior patterns through an insightful analogy comparing one-time excessive drinking versus chronic alcohol dependence. While anyone may demonstrate high conflict behaviors temporarily during intense stress, persistent patterns typically manifest in:Preoccupation with blaming othersAll-or-nothing thinkingUnmanaged emotionsExtreme behaviorsThe episode clarifies that high conflict patterns often emerge in close relationships but may remain dormant until triggered by significant life changes like divorce or job loss. We emphasize that effective responses avoid giving insight, emotional engagement, or labels, instead focusing on future solutions rather than past conflicts.Questions We Answer in This EpisodeIs high conflict behavior always situational?Does conflict always require two participants?How can professionals identify pattern-based versus situational conflict?What approaches work best with individuals demonstrating high conflict patterns?What resources are available through the new Conflict Influencer platform?We also introduce ConflictInfluencer.com, our new online community and learning platform offering individual coaching, consultation services, and comprehensive support for personal conflict challenges. This platform provides both self-directed and guided learning options, making conflict management resources more accessible to individuals seeking ongoing skill development.Special emphasis is placed on the importance of practice and support in building confidence when managing difficult interactions. We demonstrate how the same conflict management skills work effectively for both situational and pattern-based conflicts, while providing practical frameworks for understanding and navigating challenging relationships more effectively.Additional ResourcesConflict Influencer: Enter our Conflict Influencer World—a place for anyone and everyone who needs help, support and skills for conflict along the spectrum, especially high-conflict.Check out Sierralin Design!Connect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:42) - Updates (03:00) - Today's Topics (03:48) - Is High Conflict Situational? (12:44) - Things to Avoid with an HCP (13:04) - Four Things to Know to Avoid (13:33) - Don't Focus on Emotions (14:10) - Avoid the Past (14:29) - Don't Tell Them They're an HCP (15:19) - Non-HCPs (17:00) - Watch for Patterns (18:09) - One HCP or Two People in Conflict? (22:36) - Conflict Influencer (32:05) - Questions (42:24) - Wrap Up (43:02) - Reminders & See You in September! Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Child Sexual Abuse Allegations in Family Court: Expert Insights with Dr. Wendy BourgIn this compelling episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome clinical psychologist Dr. Wendy Bourg for a rare and candid discussion about one of family court's most challenging issues. With decades of experience developing forensic interview guidelines and working directly with families, Dr. Bourg shares invaluable insights about navigating these complex situations.The conversation explores how courts, professionals, and families can move beyond emotional reactions to find practical solutions that prioritize child wellbeing. Dr. Bourg challenges common assumptions and offers fresh perspectives on handling these sensitive cases, drawing from her extensive work in Oregon's family court system.Questions Explored in This EpisodeWhat makes these cases particularly challenging for family courts?How can professionals avoid common pitfalls when investigating allegations?What approaches best serve children caught in these situations?Where do well-meaning professionals sometimes go wrong?How can courts balance competing priorities in unclear cases?Key Reasons to ListenGain practical insights from a leading expert in the fieldLearn about surprising research findings that challenge conventional wisdomUnderstand how to avoid common mistakes that can harm familiesDiscover innovative approaches to handling complex casesHear real-world examples that illuminate better ways forwardWhether you're a family court professional, mental health practitioner, or concerned parent, this episode offers crucial insights for anyone seeking to better understand and address these challenging situations. Join us for this important conversation that goes beyond typical discussions to explore practical, balanced approaches that put children first.Additional ResourcesGuest, Dr. Wendy Bourghttps://drwendybourg.com/Expert PublicationsEvaluating Sexual Abuse Reports In Family Court by Dr. Wendy BourgTell Me What Happened: Questioning Children About Abuse by Michael LambJeopardy in the Courtroom: A Scientific Analysis of Children's Testimony by Stephen CeciProfessional & Personal DevelopmentConflictInfluencer.com (website for individuals dealing with high-conflict in personal life)New Ways for Families® Training: For family and divorce professionalsConnect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:31) - Child Sexual Abuse Allegations in Family Court (02:02) - Meet Dr. Wendy Bourg (03:19) - Her Interest in This Work (07:45) - Karpman Drama Triangle (09:35) - Prevalence (13:42) - True or Not True? (18:20) - Safety First and Hippocratic Oath (23:55) - Grey Area Solutions (24:42) - Increase in Frequency? (30:24) - Cycles of Hysteria (33:10) - Therapists and Forensic Truths (36:26) - Flaws Still in the System (37:36) - Working to Help Parents Come Around (39:07) - Percent of Cases That Are True (42:32) - Best Practice Tips (45:38) - No Common Trigger Points (47:10) - Thoughts for Judges (49:19) - Non-Family Members (50:39) - Wrap Up (51:55) - Reminders Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Beyond Trauma-Informed: Finding Balance Between Compassion and ConsequencesBill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the complex relationship between trauma-informed approaches and setting appropriate boundaries when dealing with high conflict situations. This timely discussion examines how professionals and individuals can balance empathy with necessary limits.Understanding Trauma and EntitlementThe episode delves into how trauma experiences and entitled behavior can sometimes overlap, yet require different responses. Bill Eddy shares insights from his article "Are We Being Too Nice in High Conflict Situations?" highlighting the importance of maintaining appropriate boundaries while acknowledging genuine trauma.The discussion explores how some individuals may use past trauma as justification for problematic behavior, while others may demonstrate entitled behavior without trauma history. The hosts emphasize the need for a balanced approach that combines trauma-informed methods with clear limit-setting.Questions We Answer in This EpisodeHow do we distinguish between trauma response and entitled behavior?When should we set limits with someone who has experienced trauma?How can professionals balance empathy with boundary-setting?What role does DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) play in addressing these issues?How can families handle situations involving threats of self-harm?Key TakeawaysTrauma history doesn't excuse harmful behavior toward othersSetting limits can be an act of respect and careProfessional help is crucial when dealing with serious threatsThe SLIC method (Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences) offers practical guidanceInterventions work best when conducted as coordinated group effortsThe episode provides valuable insights for professionals and individuals navigating complex relationships where trauma and entitled behavior intersect. Rather than choosing between empathy and boundaries, listeners learn how to implement both approaches effectively.Additional ResourcesExpert PublicationsArticle: SLIC Solutions: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 ½ StepsArticle: Are We Being too Nice with High Conflict Behavior?Book: The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in The Healing of Trauma - Paperback by Bessel Van der Kolk M.D.Book alert: email info@unhookedmedia.com to be notified when SLIC Solutions book by Bill Eddy is releasedProfessional DevelopmentConflictInfluencer.comNew Ways Training types and dates: For professionals (HR; Workplace leaders; divorce counselors and coaches; mediators) to learn how to work with high-conflict cases, clients or situationsResourcesEMDRIA.com: EMDR International Association (trauma treatment training/resources)DialecticalBehaviorTherapy.com: A free course for taking control of your thoughts, emotions, and relationships. 40+ lessons with guides, videos, and worksheets.Connect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:34) - Trauma and Entitlement (01:51) - You're Being Too Nice (07:09) - Setting Limits (08:23) - Possibilities (12:32) - Broader Context or Narrower? (16:51) - Empathy at a Distance (21:10) - Pointing to Where Limits Need to Be Set (22:35) - Example (25:47) - If Threats Continue (31:29) - Wrap Up (32:00) - Reminders Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

Confidence and assertiveness specialist Talia Bambola shares her invaluable expertise on the nuanced differences between assertiveness and aggression. With her background as a licensed marriage family therapist, Talia discusses the transformative journey from people-pleasing to setting firm boundaries and building confidence. Her insights are particularly relevant for those trapped in high-conflict co-parenting dynamics, where balancing personal needs with those of the family becomes crucial.High-conflict co-parenting presents unique challenges, especially when partners exhibit narcissistic traits or coercive control. Drawing from personal experiences and experts like Bill Eddy, we explore strategies to maintain the child's best interest amidst turbulent custody battles. Practical advice includes using "usefully awful" communication techniques that help defuse tensions while safeguarding your boundaries. By understanding the psychological underpinnings of high-conflict interactions, listeners can adopt more strategic approaches to manage these tense relationships.Effective communication and mediation strategies become vital when navigating the legal landscape of co-parenting. We emphasize the importance of preparation and long-term planning in crafting fair parenting plans and crossing legal hurdles. Talia's guidance includes using neutral language and staying prepared for any scenario, ensuring that all interactions hold up under scrutiny. As you work through these emotional and complex scenarios, building a robust support system and leveraging resources can make all the difference in fostering a healthier family dynamic.

When High Conflict Takes You By SurpriseLife can change dramatically when you unexpectedly encounter a person who demonstrates high conflict behavior. Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter from the High Conflict Institute in Scottsdale, Arizona, explore the unsettling experience of being blindsided by high conflict situations—whether in a new job, relationship, or family dynamic.Understanding the Impact of Unexpected High ConflictWhen high conflict behavior emerges unexpectedly, it often creates a destabilizing ripple effect. The initial confusion and self-doubt can leave anyone questioning their capabilities and judgment. This episode examines how these situations develop, from the early stages of confusion through the progression of mounting tension and isolation.Recognizing High Conflict PatternsThe most challenging aspect of surprise high conflict situations is their ability to create self-doubt in even the most confident individuals. What begins as an attempt to improve communication or performance often escalates into a pattern of increasing criticism and isolation. Understanding these patterns helps identify when you're dealing with high conflict behavior rather than typical workplace or relationship challenges.Questions We Answer in This EpisodeHow do you recognize when self-doubt stems from high conflict behavior?What makes group high conflict situations especially challenging?Why do attempts to "try harder" often backfire with high conflict people?How can you protect yourself from high conflict surprises?Key TakeawaysRemember "It's not about me" when facing unexpected criticism90% of people don't engage in high conflict behaviorPhysical distance can help manage high conflict situationsTrust your experience with non-high conflict relationshipsSetting clear limits with consequences can be effectiveHigh conflict surprises can happen to anyone, anywhere. This episode provides practical insights for recognizing, understanding, and managing these challenging situations while maintaining your confidence and perspective.Additional ResourcesExpert PublicationsIt's All Your Fault at Work! Dealing with Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People - Managing High Conflict Workplace Dynamics5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life - Understanding High Conflict BehaviorProfessional DevelopmentNew Ways for Couples & Families: Online relationship strengthening courseConflictInfluencer.com: Advanced conflict management training (Coming Soon)Connect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:32) - High Conflict Surprises (02:37) - Updates (03:32) - Bill's Example (09:07) - What Happens In Our Minds (11:03) - Progression and Impact (13:02) - CARS Method (20:23) - Recentering Yourself (23:59) - New on the Job (26:08) - High Conflict Traps (27:19) - Target of Blame (29:00) - Larger Groups (31:42) - Wrap Up (32:44) - Reminders Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

While we're on our hiatus, we're playing some of our popular episodes again from our ‘5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life' series. Enjoy!REBROADCASTNavigating Narcissistic High Conflict PersonalitiesIn this revealing episode of "It's All Your Fault," part of the Five Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life series, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy explore the world of narcissistic high conflict personalities. They delve into the key traits of narcissists, the distinction between grandiose and vulnerable narcissists, and the potential connection between narcissistic personalities and domestic violence.Recognizing Narcissistic High Conflict PersonalitiesBill and Megan outline the defining characteristics of narcissistic high conflict personalities, such as their incessant need to feel superior, their sense of entitlement, and their lack of empathy. They explain how these individuals often exploit and mistreat others to preserve their grandiose self-image and how they respond when confronted with perceived challenges to their superiority.The Two Faces of Narcissism: Grandiose vs. VulnerableNot all narcissists are alike. Bill and Megan explore the contrasts between grandiose and vulnerable narcissists. Grandiose narcissists tend to be more calculated and predatory in their actions, while vulnerable narcissists are generally more reactive and emotionally unstable. Grasping these nuances can be essential in recognizing and handling high conflict personalities.Narcissism in Various ContextsNarcissistic personalities can be encountered in various aspects of life, but some fields and occupations appear to draw them more than others. Bill and Megan discuss the prevalence of narcissists in healthcare, higher education, and the tech industry, and how these individuals can foster toxic work environments and strained relationships.Questions we answer in this episode:What defines narcissistic high conflict personalities?How do grandiose and vulnerable narcissists differ in their conduct?Which fields and occupations are more likely to attract narcissistic personalities?Is there a link between narcissism and domestic violence?How can you identify and cope with a narcissistic high conflict personality?Key Takeaways:Narcissistic high conflict personalities constantly strive to feel superior and entitled.They often lack empathy and manipulate others to uphold their inflated self-image.Grandiose narcissists are more calculated, while vulnerable narcissists are more reactive.Some fields, like healthcare and higher education, may attract more narcissists.Recognizing the differences between narcissistic personalities can aid in identifying and managing them.This episode offers valuable insights into the intricate realm of narcissistic high conflict personalities. Whether you're navigating a relationship with a narcissist in your personal life or at work, Bill and Megan's expertise and practical guidance can help you manage these challenging interactions and safeguard your well-being.Links & Other NotesCOURSESConversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 ExpertsHandling Family Law Cases Involving Narcissistic High Conflict PeopleBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeDating RadarSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderARTICLESDomestic Violence vs. High Conflict Families: Are one or two people driving the conflict?Narcissists As LeadersLiving with High Conflict People Series: Do's and Don'ts for Living with a Narcissist High Conflict PersonNarcissists as Leaders: Good or Bad for Your Organization?DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HELPNational Domestic Violence Hotline800.799.SAFE (7233) USAServices AustraliaFamily Violence Resources CanadaOTHER COUNTRIES: do an online search for “domestic violence in ___ (your country or city's name)”OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 6 (01:18) - Narcissistic HCPs (02:48) - Social Impairment and/or Internal Distress (04:55) - See Themselves as Superior (12:02) - Feeling Entitled to Special Treatment (13:16) - Lacking Empathy (21:12) - Stats (24:06) - The Two Types (27:17) - Lying (29:41) - Apologizing (33:02) - Domestic Violence (35:11) - Stalking (36:01) - Letting Go of Relationships (40:12) - Signs If It's Your Partner (44:11) - Steps to Take (46:30) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: A Special Guest Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

In this video, I review The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life by Bill Eddy — a powerful guide to recognizing and protecting yourself from high-conflict personalities. Learn how to spot toxic behavior, set boundaries, and avoid emotional traps. I'll share key insights, practical strategies, and my personal reflections on dealing with difficult people. If you've ever felt drained by someone's behavior, this is a must-watch!Link to our Video version of the podcast - https://www.youtube.com/@TheDaylightPodcastIf you're interested in supporting my content creation journey and buying me books, click this link! (අපේ පොඩ්කාස්ට් එකට උදව් කරන්න කැමති අය මේ ලින්ක් එකෙන් එන්න) - https://buymeacoffee.com/daylightpodcast

While we're on our hiatus, we're playing some of our popular episodes again from our ‘5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life' series. Enjoy!REBROADCASTIntroducing the 5 Types of High Conflict Personalities: Who Can Ruin Your Life? (Part 1)In this thought-provoking first episode of a new series on It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, embark on an exploration of the five types of high conflict personalities who can wreak havoc in your life. Drawing from Bill's book "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life," they provide a broad overview of these challenging personalities, setting the stage for a deeper dive into each type in upcoming episodes.Understanding High Conflict PersonalitiesBill and Megan illuminate the perplexing nature of high conflict personalities, emphasizing that these individuals often lack self-awareness and may not even realize the impact of their behavior on others. They stress the importance of recognizing patterns of behavior rather than focusing on isolated incidents, as high conflict personalities tend to exhibit consistent patterns of blame-shifting, all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, and extreme behaviors.Navigating Relationships with High Conflict IndividualsThroughout the episode, Bill and Megan offer practical strategies for navigating relationships with high conflict personalities. They caution against common pitfalls, such as attempting to provide insight into the person's behavior or engaging in emotional arguments. Instead, they recommend focusing on the present, offering choices, and using the CARS method (Connect, Analyze, Respond, Set Limits) to de-escalate conflicts and maintain healthy boundaries.Questions we answer in this episode:Who are the five types of high conflict personalities that can ruin your life?What are the defining characteristics of a high conflict personality?How can I recognize patterns of high conflict behavior?What are the common mistakes to avoid when dealing with high conflict individuals?What can I expect from the upcoming episodes in this series?Key Takeaways:The five types of high conflict personalities can have a profound negative impact on your life if left unchecked.High conflict personalities often lack self-awareness and may not realize the impact of their behavior on others.Recognizing patterns of behavior is crucial when dealing with high conflict individuals.Avoid trying to provide insight, engaging in emotional arguments, focusing on the past, or labeling the person.Stay tuned for upcoming episodes that will explore each of the five types in greater depth, providing targeted strategies for managing these specific personalities.Whether you're dealing with a high conflict partner, family member, coworker, or friend, this episode sets the foundation for understanding and managing these challenging relationships. By introducing the five types of high conflict personalities and providing a broad overview of strategies for dealing with them, Bill and Megan offer listeners a roadmap for the upcoming series, which promises to deliver invaluable insights and tools for navigating life's most difficult interpersonal dynamics.Links & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeARTICLESWho Are High-Conflict People?The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeFive Types of High-Conflict Personalities And their targets of blame—and sometimes violence.Anybody You Know? Predictable Characteristics of High Conflict PeopleCOURSESCourses for professional trainingCourses for individualsConflict Influencer Class (live virtual)OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life (01:14) - Creating Awareness (05:54) - Starting to See It Differently (12:09) - Key Characteristics (21:35) - Options (22:40) - Four Forget-About-Its (26:03) - Four Things to Do (29:02) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Narcissistic High Conflict People Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

If you've ever fired off an angry text, regretted it immediately, or found yourself stuck in never-ending drama with your ex—this episode is for you. Andrea and Morgan sit down with the legendary Bill Eddy (lawyer, therapist, mediator, and creator of the BIFF method) to unpack exactly how to communicate with high-conflict people—without losing your mind (or your case).You'll learn why your responses might be feeding the fire, what judges actually notice in emails, and the two acronyms that can completely transform how you co-parent with a difficult ex. Whether you're in the thick of divorce or trying to rebuild your peace afterward—this is a must-listen.What you'll learn:What the BIFF method is (and why every lawyer uses it)How to end hostile conversations without fueling the fireWhat judges think when they read your emailsHow to save major money by communicating smarterThe difference between reacting and respondingWhy empathy is a power move (not a weakness)How to stop playing the blame game and move forwardThe biggest legal risk of oversharing via text or emailHow to draft a response that makes your ex pause, not pounceWhat “emotional mirroring” is—and how to avoid itBurning questions answered in this episode:What do I actually say when my ex sends a nasty email?How can I communicate effectively if my ex is a narcissist?Should I respond to everything my co-parent says?Why does tone matter if we're already in court?How do I keep conflict from costing me a fortune?Connect with Bill Eddy:Website: www.highconflictinstitute.comBooks: BIFF for Co-Parent Communication, Ear Statements, and moreInstagram: @highconflictinstituteOur Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago

Royal Family Drama: Understanding High Conflict Family DynamicsIn this compelling episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter dive into the high-profile family conflict within the British Royal Family, specifically examining the situation with Prince Harry, Meghan Markle, and their relationship with the rest of the monarchy. Through this lens, they explore broader lessons about family conflict, institutional traditions, and the impact of public scrutiny on family dynamics.The Role of Media and Public SpotlightBill and Megan discuss how media attention can escalate family conflicts, making resolution more difficult. They emphasize that keeping conflicts small and private is crucial for resolution. The hosts examine how the Netflix documentary, Oprah interview, and Harry's memoir "Spare" have affected family dynamics and potentially complicated reconciliation efforts.Institutional Structure vs. Modern ExpectationsThe episode explores the tension between traditional hierarchical structures and modern expectations of equality. Bill and Megan analyze how this clash affects family businesses and institutions during generational transitions, using the Royal Family as a prime example of these challenges.Family Conflict Resolution StrategiesDrawing from their extensive experience, Bill and Megan share insights about effective conflict resolution techniques, including the importance of private discussions, mutual respect, and the role of skilled mediators in family disputes.Questions we answer in this episode:How does media attention affect family conflict resolution?What role do traditional institutions play in family dynamics?How can families manage public vs. private boundaries?When should families seek outside help for conflict?What makes reconciliation possible in high conflict situations?Key Takeaways:Keep family conflicts private and small-scale for better resolutionConsider the impact of public attention on family dynamicsFocus on future solutions rather than past grievancesRecognize the importance of mutual respect and equalityUnderstand when to move forward versus continuing conflictThis episode offers valuable insights for anyone dealing with family conflict, whether in public or private settings. Through the lens of the Royal Family's situation, listeners gain practical strategies for managing family dynamics, understanding institutional pressures, and working toward meaningful resolution in challenging relationships.Links & Other NotesNEW COURSENew Ways for Couples & FamiliesSIGN UP FOR OUR NEWSLETTER hereOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal or therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:35) - Conflict in the Royal Family (02:08) - Catching Up (05:56) - Harry and Meghan (13:54) - A Grownup in the Room (18:18) - Devil's Advocate (21:28) - The Institution (25:27) - Family Dynamics (27:26) - New Ways for Couples and Families (30:21) - Working Toward Equal Relationships (33:09) - EAR Skills (35:58) - Wrap Up (36:35) - A Brief Hiatus Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

In this conversation, Bill Eddy discusses the BIFF method for responding to hostile communications, the importance of self-restraint in high-conflict situations, and strategies for protecting oneself in court. He emphasizes the need to keep communication simple and repetitive, and the significance of telling one's own story in legal contexts. The discussion also touches on the impact of family systems on emotional responses and the role of AI in communication strategies.Key TakeawaysBIFF responses help manage hostile communications effectively.Self-restraint is crucial when dealing with high-conflict personalities.Keeping communication simple and repetitive aids in clarity.Understanding family systems can help in managing emotional responses.Telling your own story is vital in legal situations.Protecting oneself from false allegations is essential in court.The BIFF method can be adapted for various communication scenarios.AI tools can mimic BIFF responses, but may not be effective for learning.Emotional stability is key in high-conflict situations.Resources and support are available for those dealing with high-conflict personalities.Chapters00:00 - Introduction to BIFF Responses and AI03:10 - Understanding Family Systems and Emotional Responses05:52 - The BIFF Method Explained09:04 - Self-Restraint in Communication12:13 - Protecting Yourself in High-Conflict Situations14:50 - Strategies for Court and High-Conflict Personalities17:50 - The Importance of Storytelling in Court20:47 - Final Thoughts and ResourcesIf you wish to connect with Lawrence Joss or any of the PA-A community members who have appeared as guests on the podcast:Email-      familydisappeared@gmail.comLinktree: https://linktr.ee/lawrencejoss(All links mentioned in the podcast are available in Linktree)Please donate to support PAA programs:https://www.paypal.com/donate?hosted_button_id=SDLTX8TBSZNXSThis podcast is made possible by the Family Disappeared Team:Anna Johnson- Editor/Contributor/Activist/Co-hostGlaze Gonzales- Podcast ManagerConnect with Lawrence Joss:Website: https://parentalalienationanonymous.com/Email- familydisappeared@gmail.com

Understanding BPD: Recovery, Relationships, and Legal ChallengesIn this powerful episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome Shehrina Rooney, author and BPD recovery advocate, for an enlightening discussion about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Through personal experience and professional insight, they explore how BPD impacts relationships, parenting, and legal proceedings, while challenging common misconceptions about the disorder.Shehrina shares her journey from being a successful YouTube personality with over 30,000 subscribers to facing significant personal and legal challenges. Her story illuminates the complex intersection of BPD, trauma, and the legal system, particularly in family court settings. She discusses how BPD diagnosis can be weaponized in legal proceedings and the importance of looking beyond labels to see the whole person.Bill and Megan delve into the crucial differences between active BPD symptoms and recovery, emphasizing how courts and legal professionals often struggle to understand these distinctions. The conversation explores the frequent overlap between BPD and other personality patterns, particularly in toxic relationships, and how this affects family court outcomes.The discussion also addresses the stigma surrounding BPD and the need for better understanding among legal and mental health professionals. They examine how reframing BPD as an emotional regulation issue rather than a personality disorder could help reduce stigma and improve treatment approaches.Questions we answer in this episode:How does BPD recovery differ from active BPD symptoms?What challenges do people with BPD face in family court?How can legal professionals better understand and handle BPD cases?What's the connection between BPD and toxic relationships?How does trauma interact with BPD diagnosis and treatment?Key Takeaways:BPD recovery is possible and changes behavior significantlyCourts need to consider both parents' behaviors, not just diagnosesSelf-awareness and support systems are crucial for BPD recoveryTrauma often intersects with BPD diagnosis and treatmentRenaming BPD could help reduce stigma and improve understandingThis episode offers invaluable insights for legal professionals, mental health practitioners, and anyone affected by BPD. Through Shehrina's powerful personal story and the hosts' expert analysis, listeners gain a deeper understanding of BPD while learning practical approaches for handling high conflict situations involving personality disorders in legal and personal contexts.Links & Other NotesGUEST SHEHRINA ROONEYhttps://www.youtube.com/recoverymum (videos not available currently)BOOKSThe Big Book on Borderline Personality DisorderPaperback - on Unhooked Books website(25% discount through 5/31/25)Paperback on Amazon USPaperback on Amazon UKPaperback on Amazon Australiae-BookCOURSESConflict Influencer 6-Week ClassNew Ways for Families® Training for counselors and divorce coachesCounselors hereCoaches hereNew Ways for Families® Online Class for ParentsOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal or therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:36) - Meet Shehrina (09:13) - Recovery and Self-Awareness (16:09) - Changes in Behavior (17:48) - A Lot to Be Learned (22:30) - A Lawyer's Approach (25:31) - A Spectrum (26:56) - Every Case Is Different (28:56) - Slowly Getting Better (31:17) - Emotion Disregulation (32:44) - Therapists (34:33) - What's Going On and What to Do (39:47) - Combinations (41:49) - Determining the Strategy of What to Do (42:47) - Women vs. Men (43:28) - Wrap Up (44:05) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Another Guest! Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

In this conversation, Lauren Joss and Bill Eddy delve into the complexities of parental alienation, exploring how family dynamics, personality disorders, and emotional health impact relationships between parents and children. They discuss the importance of understanding these dynamics to foster healthier relationships and introduce innovative methods for conflict resolution and communication skills that can help families navigate high-conflict situations.Key TakeawaysChildren grow up in families that see people as all good or all bad.Parental alienation is a gradual process, built brick by brick.Emotional processes in families are often overlooked.Alienating parents may not be aware of their impact on children.Children absorb their parents' emotions, leading to conflict.The dynamics of family systems can create isolation among siblings.Teaching children flexible thinking and emotional management is crucial.Innovative methods can help parents learn to communicate better.Court systems are beginning to adopt new methods for conflict resolution.Support systems are essential for individuals dealing with parental alienation.Chapters00:00 - Understanding Parental Alienation Dynamics10:07 - The Role of Personality Disorders in Family Systems19:54 - Building Healthy Relationships Among Children30:07 - Innovative Solutions for High-Conflict FamiliesIf you wish to connect with Lawrence Joss or any of the PA-A community members who have appeared as guests on the podcast:Email-      familydisappeared@gmail.comLinktree: https://linktr.ee/lawrencejoss(All links mentioned in the podcast are available in Linktree)Please donate to support PAA programs:https://www.paypal.com/donate?hosted_button_id=SDLTX8TBSZNXSThis podcast is made possible by the Family Disappeared Team:Anna Johnson- Editor/Contributor/Activist/Co-hostGlaze Gonzales- Podcast ManagerConnect with Lawrence Joss:Website: https://parentalalienationanonymous.com/Email- familydisappeared@gmail.com

Listener Questions: Managing Self-Awareness and High Conflict RelationshipsIn this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, tackle pressing listener questions about managing difficult relationships and developing self-awareness. The episode focuses particularly on handling interactions with individuals who display challenging personality traits and navigating complex relationship dynamics.Understanding Self-Awareness and Conflict ManagementBill and Megan explore the crucial role of self-awareness in managing high conflict tendencies. They emphasize that approximately 10% of people exhibit high conflict personality traits, with self-awareness being a key differentiator in relationship success. The hosts discuss practical tools like the BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm) method and EAR statements for better communication.Navigating Complex RelationshipsThe discussion delves into strategies for dealing with challenging personalities in various contexts, including co-parenting situations and mediation. Bill and Megan stress the importance of setting realistic expectations and knowing when to try alternative approaches if initial strategies aren't working.Personal Change and External InfluencesAn important segment addresses how manipulative relationships can impact otherwise healthy individuals, potentially causing them to display uncharacteristic behaviors. The hosts explore the importance of maintaining personal boundaries and recognizing when to seek professional help.Questions we answer in this episode:How can someone who recognizes their own high conflict tendencies improve their relationships?What strategies work best when mediating with challenging personalities?Can manipulative relationships cause someone to display high conflict behaviors?How should one approach personality changes in relationships?What role do organizational structures play in conflict resolution?Key Takeaways:Self-awareness is crucial for managing high conflict tendenciesSet clear boundaries and know when to stop trying certain approachesSudden personality changes should prompt medical evaluationManipulative relationships can affect anyone's behaviorSupport systems and professional help are valuable resourcesThis episode provides valuable insights for anyone dealing with challenging relationships or working to improve their own conflict management skills. Bill and Megan offer practical tools and compassionate guidance while maintaining professional boundaries and emphasizing the importance of seeking appropriate medical and mental health support when needed.Links & Other NotesPROFESSIONAL TRAININGNew Ways for Mediation training for professionalsCOURSES & CLASSESNew Ways for Life (training to help young people learn 4 Big Skills)Conflict Influencer Group ClassBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal or therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:40) - Listener Questions (02:02) - Question One (06:03) - Question Two (11:28) - Question Three (13:38) - Question Four (18:59) - Question Five (22:40) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Bully Bosses Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

In this episode, I'm joined by Bill Eddy—founder of the High Conflict Institute and a leader in the fields of mediation and conflict resolution. We talk about the complexities of high conflict personalities and the emotional dynamics that make certain discussions difficult to manage. Drawing from his background as both a therapist and a lawyer, Bill shares practical strategies for mediators, therapists, and anyone navigating emotionally charged conversations.We talk about the EAR method (Empathy, Attention, Respect), the BIFF approach (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm), and how social media fuels conflict dynamics. Whether you're dealing with legal disputes, family disagreements, or tough workplace conversations, this episode is packed with insights on how to manage conflict more effectively—without losing your cool.00:00 – Introduction to High Conflict Dynamics02:59 – Bill's Journey from Therapy to Law05:53 – What Defines a High Conflict Personality09:13 – Mediation Techniques & Emotional Insight11:08 – The Role of Emotion in Conflict15:34 – The EAR Method: Empathy, Attention, Respect22:52 – BIFF Responses: Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm33:07 – How Social Media Escalates Conflict44:12 – Practical Tips for Handling High Conflict SituationsFind Bill Eddy:High Conflict Institute Connect with Evelyn Marley:Instagram: @evelynmarleyWebsite: www.evelynmarleycoaching.comDownload the Free Guide:10 Ways to Say What You Mean (Without Starting a Fight)If you enjoyed this episode, leave a quick ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ rating or review—it really helps others find the show. And if someone you now is navigating difficult conversations please send it their way.high conflict, mediation, personality disorders, emotional management, conflict resolution, communication strategies, empathy, emotional intelligence, legal disputes, therapy, interpersonal relationships, social media, conflict management

Navigating Complex Family Dynamics: Your Questions AnsweredIn this listener-focused episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter address pressing questions about dealing with high conflict personalities in family relationships. The episode dives deep into managing challenging family dynamics, setting healthy boundaries, and understanding different conflict management styles.Family Relationships and High Conflict PersonalitiesBill and Megan explore a complex situation involving an adopted son who shows signs of high conflict behavior patterns. They discuss how early childhood experiences can shape adult relationships and offer insights into managing these challenging family dynamics while maintaining hope for positive change.Setting Boundaries with SiblingsThe episode examines the delicate balance of maintaining relationships with high conflict siblings while protecting personal boundaries. Bill and Megan provide practical strategies for managing distance in relationships without completely severing ties, emphasizing the importance of scheduled communication and clear expectations.Understanding Conflict AvoidanceThe hosts explore an interesting perspective on highly conflict-averse individuals and their relationship to high conflict situations. They discuss how different personality types interact with conflict and provide insights into professional approaches to managing high conflict situations.Questions we answer in this episode:How can parents maintain relationships with adult children who show high conflict behaviors?What strategies work best when a sibling with a high conflict personality wants more contact than you're comfortable giving?How should you respond to family members who sense your intentional distance?Is there such thing as a "highly conflict-averse personality"?How do different personality types handle conflict differently?Key Takeaways:Personality patterns typically stabilize by age 25Early childhood experiences significantly impact adult relationship patternsSetting boundaries doesn't mean cutting ties completelyRegular scheduled contact can help manage high conflict relationshipsProfessional help can provide valuable tools for managing family dynamicsThis episode offers valuable insights for anyone dealing with high conflict personalities in their family relationships. Through real-world examples and expert analysis, listeners gain practical tools for managing challenging relationships while maintaining their own emotional well-being.Links & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeIt's All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingARTICLESLiving with High-Conflict People Series: Do's and Don'ts for living with a Histrionic High-Conflict PersonCOURSES & CLASSESNew Ways for Life (training to help young people learn 4 Big Skills)Conflict Influencer Group ClassOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal or therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:36) - Listener Questions (01:50) - Catching Up (07:20) - Question One (18:31) - Question Two (26:24) - Question Three (37:39) - Wrap Up (37:57) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: More Listener Questions Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Negotiating with High Conflict Personalities: A Transformative ApproachIn this enlightening episode of It's All Your Fault, hosts Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy from the High Conflict Institute welcome Michèle Huff, author of "The Transformative Negotiator: Changing the Way We Come to Agreement." Through her experience as a transactional lawyer and current executive director at UC Berkeley's Office of Business Contracts and Brand Protection, Huff shares insights that align perfectly with managing high conflict situations while maintaining humanity and connection.The conversation explores how Huff's unique approach to negotiation - emphasizing internal transformation and human connection - can be particularly effective when dealing with high conflict personalities. Drawing from Buddhist principles and years of experience in Silicon Valley, Huff explains how understanding oneself becomes crucial when facing challenging behaviors in negotiations. Bill and Megan connect these concepts to their extensive work with high conflict personalities, showing how transformative negotiation techniques can help manage difficult situations.The discussion delves into practical strategies for maintaining composure when faced with high conflict behaviors, including the use of "anchoring" techniques and mindful breathing. Particularly valuable is the exploration of how these methods can work even in high-stakes business environments where traditional aggressive negotiation tactics are common. The episode also addresses cultural differences in negotiation styles, offering insights into managing high conflict situations across cultural boundaries.Questions we answer in this episode:How do you maintain effectiveness when dealing with high conflict personalities?What techniques help keep negotiations productive when emotions run high?How can you recognize early warning signs of high conflict behavior in negotiations?When should you walk away from a negotiation?What role does self-awareness play in managing difficult negotiations?Key Takeaways:Understanding your own triggers helps manage high conflict situationsHuman connection can defuse potentially volatile negotiationsPhysical and emotional well-being directly impacts negotiation successSetting appropriate boundaries is crucial in high conflict situationsTransformative negotiation techniques work in both personal and professional contextsThis episode provides essential insights for anyone who deals with high conflict personalities in negotiations, from business professionals to mediators to individuals managing personal relationships. Huff's approach to transformative negotiation, combined with Bill and Megan's expertise in high conflict personalities, offers practical strategies for achieving better outcomes while maintaining professional boundaries and personal well-being.Links & Other NotesBOOKSThe Transformative Negotiator: Changing the Way We Come to Agreement (Revised & Updated Edition)Purchase on our website: https://www.unhookedmedia.com/stock/p/transformative-negotiator-fcgdxPurchase on AmazonGUEST MICHELE HUFF WEBSITEhttps://michelehuff.com/2nd-edition-book/ARTICLESRead Michele's blogOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:43) - Michèle Huff (05:27) - Her Background (11:28) - Book's Title (13:15) - Soft Skills in Negotiations (17:37) - Transferring Skills (20:55) - Mistakes in Negotiating (25:51) - Negotiating with HCPs (34:28) - Caring and Authenticity (40:38) - Finding Your Anchors and Keeping Deadlines at Bay (45:53) - Resistance (50:27) - Dedication (54:13) - Wrap Up (55:00) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Kara Rubenstein on DNA Surprises Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness in Family Court: A Judge's PerspectiveIn this enlightening episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome back retired Judge Bruce Cohen to discuss the critical differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness in family court proceedings. With decades of combined experience in family law, social work, and conflict resolution, the trio explores how presentation style can significantly impact case outcomes, especially in custody disputes.Understanding the Impact of Communication StyleJudge Cohen shares invaluable insights about how judges perceive different communication approaches in the courtroom. He emphasizes that while both assertive and aggressive styles express thoughts, feelings, and needs, assertiveness does so respectfully while aggressiveness relies on blame and confrontation. Bill and Megan explore this distinction through real-world examples and practical applications.The Role of Personality Disorders in CourtThe discussion delves into Bill's book Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The hosts and Judge Cohen examine how to address concerning behavior patterns without falling into the trap of amateur diagnosis or labeling. They stress the importance of focusing on specific behaviors and their impact rather than clinical terms.Effective Court CommunicationBill shares his expertise on writing for court, offering practical tips for presenting information effectively. Judge Cohen provides valuable feedback from the bench's perspective, confirming the importance of clear, organized, and relevant presentation of facts. The conversation highlights how proper documentation and presentation can significantly influence court outcomes.Questions we answer in this episode:What's the difference between assertive and aggressive communication in court?How do judges perceive different communication styles?When should personality disorder concerns be raised in court?How should evidence be presented most effectively?What communication mistakes commonly harm court cases?Key Takeaways:Focus on specific behaviors rather than diagnostic labelsPresent your strongest evidence first rather than chronologicallyStart documents by clearly stating what you wantRespond to false allegations with measured, factual responsesUse headers and organized presentation in court documentsThis episode provides essential insights for anyone involved in family court proceedings, whether as a party, attorney, or helping professional. The combination of judicial perspective, clinical expertise, and practical experience offers listeners a comprehensive understanding of effective court communication strategies.Links & Other NotesCLASSESConflict Influencer (live group class)Writing for Court: 10 Tips for Persuading Decision-Makers (self-directed 1-hour course)BOOKSSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderARTICLESTaking the Assertive Approach in Family CourtManaging a Blamer with an Assertive Approach6 Ways You Should Be Assertive in Family CourtSIGN UP FOR NEWSLETTEROUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:37) - Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness (13:36) - Easy to Read? (15:51) - The Splitting Book (20:04) - Court Experience (23:02) - Patterns of Behavior (25:32) - How to Present (27:47) - Self-Represented Cases (29:36) - Writing for Court (43:29) - Get Away from the Terms (45:22) - Wrap-up (45:49) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: When Your Friend or Family Is an HCP Learn more about our New Ways for Work for Leaders. Get started today!

Understanding Emotion Dysregulation and BPDIn this enlightening episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore emotion dysregulation, particularly focusing on its connection to borderline personality disorder (BPD). Fresh from his New Zealand trip, Bill joins Megan to share expert insights into why some individuals experience intense emotional reactions and how this impacts relationships.The Brain-Emotion ConnectionBill and Megan delve into the neurological aspects of emotion dysregulation, discussing how brain structure influences emotional responses. They explore research about brain development and its role in managing emotions, offering hope through evidence that therapeutic interventions can create positive changes.From Childhood Through AdolescenceThe discussion examines how genetic predisposition, early childhood experiences, and parent-child relationships shape emotional regulation abilities. Bill and Megan provide valuable insights for parents struggling to distinguish between typical teenage behavior and potentially concerning patterns, while exploring how media and social networks can reinforce unhealthy emotional patterns.Questions we answer in this episode:What is emotion dysregulation and how does it relate to BPD?How can parents distinguish between normal teenage emotions and concerning behavior?What role does brain structure play in emotional regulation?Can emotional regulation skills be improved through therapy?How do early childhood experiences impact emotional regulation?Key Takeaways:Emotion dysregulation is a key component of BPD but can be managed with proper treatmentBrain structure plays a crucial role in emotional regulationEarly childhood experiences significantly impact emotional regulation abilitiesThe teenage years present a critical window for developing emotional regulation skillsMedia and social networks can reinforce unhealthy emotional patternsThis episode provides essential insights for parents, mental health professionals, and anyone seeking to understand emotional regulation better. Bill and Megan offer practical, science-based information while maintaining a compassionate perspective on managing big emotions.Links & Other NotesCOACHING & CONSULTATIONConsultation (1-hour)Coaching: Live LabBOOKSThe Big Book on Borderline Personality DisorderThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for FamiliesCOURSESConflict Influencer™ ClassHigh Conflict Legal Dispute Resolver CertificationARTICLESKeep the Conflict Small (with managed emotions)OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:39) - Emotion Disregulation (02:18) - Catching Up (05:53) - Big Emotions and BPD (07:31) - Correlations (08:27) - Quick Shifts (17:54) - Anger Management Classes (19:03) - Teen Years (21:16) - Deciding What's Normal (27:41) - If You're the Parent (29:34) - Media Influence (32:29) - Bottom Line (33:01) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Anger Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

Send us a textYou're barely picking up the pieces, and your ex has already moved on—posting picture-perfect snapshots of their new, fabulous life. Meanwhile, you're left wondering: Were they always this happy, or is this just for show? In this episode, Dr. Kerry and Lisa Sonni dive into why narcissists and toxic personalities seem to seamlessly transition into a "perfect" new relationship. Is it real, or is it just another illusion? And if you're struggling with the gut-punch of watching your ex's highlight reel, we've got practical strategies to help you break free from the comparison trap and reclaim your healing.➡️ Want to watch the Podcast Extra Interview? https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

When High Conflict at Home Impacts the WorkplaceIn this powerful episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore how personal conflicts and challenging situations at home can significantly affect workplace performance and mental wellbeing. The hosts dive deep into understanding the impact of home-based stress on professional life, while offering practical solutions for both employees and employers dealing with these situations.The episode examines how criticism, verbal abuse, and high conflict situations at home can deplete an individual's emotional resources before they even arrive at work. Bill and Megan discuss the neuroscience behind stress responses, particularly focusing on how the amygdala's fight-or-flight response can impact professional performance. They explore how encouraging self-statements can act as a protective shield against negative emotions and criticism.A significant portion of the discussion centers on workplace dynamics and communication strategies. Bill and Megan provide valuable insights into when and how to communicate with employers about personal situations, emphasizing the importance of maintaining appropriate boundaries while seeking support. They also address the employer's perspective, offering guidance on creating supportive workplace environments without compromising professional standards.Questions we answer in this episode:How does high conflict at home affect workplace performance?What strategies can employees use to manage personal stress at work?When should an employee disclose personal conflicts to their employer?How can employers support staff dealing with high conflict situations?What role do encouraging self-statements play in managing conflict?Key Takeaways:Encouraging self-statements can help block negative emotionsPersonal conflicts can significantly impact workplace performanceThe BIF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly and firm) helps manage difficult communicationsConsider consulting EAP resources before discussing issues with employersEmployers should lead with empathy while maintaining appropriate boundariesThis episode provides essential insights for anyone navigating the challenging intersection between personal conflicts and professional life. Whether you're an employee dealing with high conflict situations at home or an employer seeking to support your team members effectively, this discussion offers practical, actionable strategies for maintaining workplace productivity while supporting mental health and wellbeing.Links & Other NotesNEWSLETTERSign upBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeBIFF at WorkIt's All Your Fault at Work!ARTICLESNew Ways for Work®: A New Coaching MethodCOURSESNew Ways for Work®: Training for Leaders (for managers, supervisors, etc. to learn how to handle high-conflict at work)New Ways for Work®: Training for Coaches (for workplace coaches to learn this method to use with clients/coachees)CLASSES: Conflict Influencer™ Class (to learn how to deal with high-conflict) OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:37) - Impact Inside the Workplace when High Conflict's Happening Outside of It (02:06) - Catching Up (05:52) - What High Conflict Feels Like When You're Involved In It (08:17) - Criticism and Beyond (11:23) - Stress and the Brain (14:01) - Conflict Tolerance (17:34) - When You Have to Go to Work (21:01) - Encouraging Statements (23:49) - High Conflict Interruptions (27:56) - Talking to Your Employer (32:24) - If You're the Employer (36:07) - Wrap Up (37:05) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: TBD Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Understanding Psychopathy: Nature, Nurture, and Warning SignsIn this enlightening continuation of their discussion on psychopathy, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter delve deeper into understanding how personality patterns develop and why some individuals with psychopathic traits go undetected. Following up on their previous episode exploring the $460 billion annual cost to the US criminal justice system, Bill and Megan examine whether someone can suddenly "become" psychopathic and discuss the crucial developmental stages that shape personality.The episode explores the fascinating intersection of genetics, early childhood experiences, and cultural environment in forming personality patterns. Bill and Megan emphasize how the first five years of life are particularly crucial in personality development, with many patterns established by age six. They share valuable insights about identifying warning signs in relationships and workplaces, while discussing the historical evolutionary advantages that may have contributed to these personality traits surviving in human populations.The conversation takes an important turn toward practical advice, offering guidance for those who suspect they might be in a relationship with someone showing psychopathic traits. Bill and Megan discuss treatment possibilities, safety considerations, and the importance of seeking professional help when needed.Questions we answer in this episode:Can someone suddenly "switch" to become psychopathic?How do early childhood experiences shape personality development?What are the warning signs of psychopathic traits in relationships?Is psychopathy treatable?How can you safely handle relationships with someone showing these traits?Key Takeaways:Personality patterns are largely established by age 5-6Genetics play a significant role in antisocial personality traitsWarning signs include disconnects between words and actionsTreatment options are limited, especially for adultsSafety should be the primary concern when leaving these relationshipsThis episode provides essential information for anyone seeking to understand psychopathy and its impact on relationships and society. Through practical examples and expert insights, listeners gain valuable knowledge about recognizing warning signs and protecting themselves while maintaining professional and personal relationships.Links & Other NotesPSYCHOPATHY ARTICLEBerkeley Voices Psychopathy goes undetected in some people. Why?BOOKSIt's All Your Fault at Work!It's All Your Fault!Our New World of Adult BulliesCOURSESHandling Family Law Cases Involving Antisocial High Conflict PeopleARTICLESLiving with High-Conflict People: Do's and Don'ts for Living with an Antisocial High Conflict PeopleThe Sociopath: Antisocial High Conflict PeopleSociopaths and Their DeceptionsManipulators in Plain Sight: Spotting Antisocial Personality Disorder OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:39) - Psychopathy Part 2 (02:09) - Can a Switch Be Flipped? (04:26) - The First Five Years (09:04) - Looking for Signs (14:53) - Pushing Forward (23:13) - What to Do (26:12) - Treatment (30:13) - Wrap Up (31:59) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Listener Questions Learn more about our New Ways for Work Coaching sessions. Get started today!

Understanding Psychopathy: Costs, Characteristics, and Social Impact (Part 1)In this first episode of a two-part series, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore psychopathy, its relationship to antisocial personality disorder, and its staggering $460 billion annual cost to the US criminal justice system. Drawing from recent research and their extensive experience at the High Conflict Institute, Bill and Megan break down complex psychological concepts into practical, understandable terms.The Spectrum of Antisocial BehaviorBill and Megan discuss how antisocial personality disorder manifests, its early warning signs, and its relationship to psychopathy. They explore how these traits appear in various settings — from business environments to personal relationships — and why early intervention is crucial, particularly before age 15.Understanding Psychopathy's Three Key FeaturesThe episode delves into the three main characteristics of psychopathy: disinhibition (extreme risk-taking), callousness (lack of empathy), and boldness (absence of fear). Bill and Megan examine how these traits manifest in real-world situations and their implications for relationships and society.Modern Diagnosis and AssessmentThe hosts explore the shift from viewing personality traits as fixed characteristics to understanding them as dimensions on a spectrum. This modern approach allows for more nuanced understanding and assessment of psychopathic traits.Questions we answer in this episode:What is the difference between antisocial personality disorder, sociopathy, and psychopathy?How early can antisocial behaviors be identified?Can someone with these traits change with treatment?What role does empathy play in psychopathy?How do these personalities impact everyday relationships?Key Takeaways:Psychopathy costs the US criminal justice system approximately $460 billion annuallyEarly intervention (before age 15) is crucial for changing antisocial behaviorsAntisocial personality disorder affects about 4% of adults, while psychopathy affects about 1%People with these traits often display instrumental empathy rather than genuine empathyUnderstanding these traits can help with protection and boundary-settingThis first episode in the two-part series provides invaluable insights for anyone seeking to understand psychopathy and its impact on society. Whether you're a professional working with high conflict personalities or simply interested in understanding complex human behavior, Bill and Megan's expert analysis offers practical knowledge and protective strategies. Tune in next week for Part 2, which will explore genetics, causation, and additional dimensions of psychopathy.Links & Other NotesPSYCHOPATHY ARTICLE:Berkeley Voices Psychopathy goes undetected in some people. Why?THE MOVIE BILL BROUGHT UP AS A GOOD EXAMPLE OF THIS:Catch Me If You CanBOOKSIt's All Your Fault at Work!It's All Your Fault!Our New World of Adult BulliesARTICLESLiving with High-Conflict People: Do's and Don'ts for Living with an Antisocial High Conflict PeopleThe Sociopath: Antisocial High Conflict PeopleSociopaths and Their DeceptionsManipulators in Plain Sight: Spotting Antisocial Personality Disorder OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:41) - Psychopathy (02:23) - Background for the Conversation (04:11) - Antisocial vs. Psychopath vs. Sociopath (05:48) - Antisocial Personality Disorder (19:13) - Bill's Books (19:44) - Psychopathy and Sociopathy (22:18) - Disinhibition (25:37) - Callousness (29:53) - Boldness (32:08) - Personality Dimensions (35:54) - Wrap Up (36:23) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Psychopathy Part 2 Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!

Guillermo and his ex-wife divorced nearly a decade ago. They share custody of their son which, Guillermo says, lets her continue meddling in his life. He recently started dating someone and it's getting serious, but he's worried that his ex is going to destroy his new relationship. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Bill Eddy, author and co-founder of the High Conflict Institute. Bill explains how to set limits and impose consequences in truly difficult situations to preserve your peace of mind and foster happiness. If you liked this episode check out: How To Do Divorce Right and How To Save a Friend from a Bad Relationship Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To's executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis.  Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you'll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guillermo and his ex-wife divorced nearly a decade ago. They share custody of their son which, Guillermo says, lets her continue meddling in his life. He recently started dating someone and it's getting serious, but he's worried that his ex is going to destroy his new relationship. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Bill Eddy, author and co-founder of the High Conflict Institute. Bill explains how to set limits and impose consequences in truly difficult situations to preserve your peace of mind and foster happiness. If you liked this episode check out: How To Do Divorce Right and How To Save a Friend from a Bad Relationship Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To's executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis.  Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you'll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guillermo and his ex-wife divorced nearly a decade ago. They share custody of their son which, Guillermo says, lets her continue meddling in his life. He recently started dating someone and it's getting serious, but he's worried that his ex is going to destroy his new relationship. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Bill Eddy, author and co-founder of the High Conflict Institute. Bill explains how to set limits and impose consequences in truly difficult situations to preserve your peace of mind and foster happiness. If you liked this episode check out: How To Do Divorce Right and How To Save a Friend from a Bad Relationship Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To's executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis.  Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you'll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guillermo and his ex-wife divorced nearly a decade ago. They share custody of their son which, Guillermo says, lets her continue meddling in his life. He recently started dating someone and it's getting serious, but he's worried that his ex is going to destroy his new relationship. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Bill Eddy, author and co-founder of the High Conflict Institute. Bill explains how to set limits and impose consequences in truly difficult situations to preserve your peace of mind and foster happiness. If you liked this episode check out: How To Do Divorce Right and How To Save a Friend from a Bad Relationship Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To's executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis.  Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you'll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Bill Eddy is a lawyer, licensed therapist and professional mediator. He's also the co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute, pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory to help explain the behaviors of the most "difficult" difficult people and ways to manage relationships with them.  Today on the show we discuss: The best way to spot someone who will be a problem in your life, the truth definition of someone who is considered high conflict or has a personality disorder, how to communicate with someone that won't take responsibility for their problems, what a healthy level of conflict looks like in a relationship, when is it time to walk away from a relationship, how to work on growing a relationship and much more. Thanks to this episode's sponsor: MitoLux Head to www.mitolux.com and enter promo code DOUG at checkout for 10% off your first order. ⚠ WELLNESS DISCLAIMER ⚠ Please be advised; the topics related to health and mental health in my content are for informational, discussion, and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your health or mental health professional or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your current condition. Never disregard professional advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard from your favorite creator, on social media, or shared within content you've consumed. If you are in crisis or you think you may have an emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately. If you do not have a health professional who is able to assist you, use these resources to find help: Emergency Medical Services—911 If the situation is potentially life-threatening, get immediate emergency assistance by calling 911, available 24 hours a day. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org.  SAMHSA addiction and mental health treatment Referral Helpline, 1-877-SAMHSA7 (1-877-726-4727) and https://www.samhsa.gov Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, my guest is Bill Eddy, a lawyer, licensed therapist, professional mediator, and faculty member at the Pepperdine University School of Law. He specializes in identifying, reducing friction with, and disentangling from high-conflict individuals. We explain how high-conflict personalities differ from personality disorders and examine the cycles of blame and drama that cause persistent conflict in their relationships. We discuss how to quickly recognize high-conflict individuals based on specific criteria and behaviors, helping listeners learn to spot their less obvious tactics. You'll also learn how to disengage from them with minimal friction and understand the methods they use to draw people back in or keep conflict alive. Additionally, we cover effective communication strategies for mediating situations involving high-conflict individuals, emphasizing empathy and problem-solving approaches. This episode equips listeners with tools to navigate conflict in various contexts, promoting resolutions that benefit all parties involved. Access the full show notes for this episode at hubermanlab.com. Thank you to our sponsors AG1: https://drinkag1.com/huberman Maui Nui Venison: https://mauinuivenison.com/huberman ExpressVPN: https://expressvpn.com/huberman Function: https://functionhealth.com/huberman David Protein: https://davidprotein.com/huberman Timestamps 00:00:00 Bill Eddy 00:02:58 Sponsors: Maui Nui & ExpressVPN 00:06:41 High-Conflict Families, High-Conflict Individuals & Patterns 00:10:48 Personality Disorders, Prevalence & Overlap 00:18:28 High-Conflict Personality vs. Personality Disorders, Blame 00:24:33 High-Conflict Individuals, Tool: First-Year Rule & Commitment 00:30:53 Sponsor: AG1 00:32:05 Relationship Stability, Tool: Vetting Potential Partners 00:38:54 Heightened Emotions, Negative Advocates, Divorce 00:47:50 Brain, Plasticity & Fear; Bullies, Polarization 00:54:51 Sponsors: Function & David 00:58:00 Emotions, Media, Politics 01:04:57 Tool: WEB Method, Identify High-Conflict Individuals 01:12:20 Body Cues, Identify High-Conflict Individuals 01:18:40 Tool: Don't Label & Empathy; Adapting Your Behavior 01:23:12 High Conflict Personalities & Occupations 01:28:18 Big Personalities: Evidence vs Assumptions 01:37:27 Tool: Leaving a Combative High-Conflict Individual, Blame, Gradual Exit 01:45:41 Exiting a High Conflict Relationship & Timing 01:49:27 Tool: Disentangling from a Victim High-Conflict Individual, “Hoovering” 01:52:32 High Conflict Divorce, Small Families & Parental Estrangement 01:57:01 Tool: Managing Emotions & Relationships, EAR Statements 01:59:52 Large Families & Conflict Resolution 02:04:11 Bullies & Online Social Groups 02:09:18 Personality Disorders, Causes, Culture 02:13:09 Tool: 4 “Fuhgeddaboudits”, Topics to Avoid in High Conflict Resolution 02:19:50 Tool: CARS Method, Connecting & EAR Statements, Analyzing 02:27:03 Tool: CARS Method, Responding & BIFF Response, Setting Limits & SLIC 02:36:40 Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow & Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Protocols Book, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter Disclaimer & Disclosures

Find out the celebrity Lunchbox saw leaving a coffee shop that he harassed! Plus, Eddie shares why he's frustrated over a paid parking spot at the grocery store. Then, we talk to Bill Eddy, the author of Our New World of Adult Bullies, about how to handle adult bullies, how Lunchbox acts on the show and more!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.