Death by Review

Honestly, we are in such desperate need for a vacation, that this cabin doesn't seem that bad. :)

*Awful, de-tuned clarinet folk music intensifies*:)

There's great ghost movies out there, like Grave Encounters, Paranormal Activity or Skinamarink... Then there's The Conjuring. James Wan movies would be so much better if they didn't suck so hard.:)

The only good nazi is an un-alived nazi. :)

Honestly, this could have just been a Goosebumps episode...:)

Valentine's Day is for kissing, and hugging and chocolate and murder... And sexual tension between a bunch of men. They leave that part out. :)

Oh Mr. Alien, please don't come sneak into my room and watch me while I sleep. Oh it would be just so scary if you gave me a little kiss on the lips and touched my butt with your spindly finger. Oh, the horror!:)

Do you like heart-felt movies that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Well this one won't do that. I mean, it'll make you feel something inside. Maybe icky... yeah, definitely icky.:)

No I promise, you're not on drugs... well maybe you are, but that's not the point. Strap in for MANDY, the longest Doom Metal video we've ever watched.:)

The art of stop-motion seems to be waaaaaay too hard to find even remotely enjoyable. It's like if someone decided to make waiting in line a full time job. :)

Necromancy always leads to cults. Talking to the dead? Cult. Try to resurrect a corpse? Cult. Open a portal to an ethereal plane full of body-harvesting parasites that sprouts wiggly worms from your face? Believe or not, cult. Every time.:)

Let this be a valuable lesson to not get your kids a pet for Christmas. They will fuck it up and destroy the entire town in the process. :)

"On this weeks episode of Death by Review, murder comes home for the holidays!! A sorority girl narrowly escapes the SLASHING and THRASHING of a mad man. Or does she?" ...Or at least that's what I would write if we we're an insufferable pair of co-hosts with a lack of self control and a tenuous grasp on broadcasting.:)

Imagine Terminator if it were based on Christmas. Now imagine it being made with a much smaller budget. Now imagine it with an ever more forgettable cast. This is what you'd get. Harbor Freight "Sarah Conner" and her band of alt punk dipshits. :)

How the hell do you trap the devil?? It's not like they're a racoon, or Jess, looking for snacks, and just happen to lure them into a cage. Like, "Oh, come here little devil. I've got little snackies and Mean Girls on DVD." ...Come to think of it, Jess, the devil,  and racoons have a lot more in common than I realized.:)

You know, the tagline of this film is "There will be know leftovers!" And that just breaks my heart. The leftovers are the best part. :)

Who the hell is Devon Sawa?...:)

ThanksKilling has it all! It's got Turkey! It's got boobies! It's got dad farts!! So sit back, relax and be horrified by how awful this film is. Gobble gobble motherf%#@er!! DISCLAIMER!: DO NOT WATCH THANKSKILLING 3. IT IS A F%#KING WASTE OF TIME... Or do. I don't care.:)

Halloween isn't just for silly costumes and candy barf all over Mom's new rug. It's about murder. Lots and lots of murder... and tits.  :)

I don't always go to haunted attractions. But when I do, I don't. There's something about haunted houses that give me the ickies. Maybe it's the feeling of being trapped. Maybe it's the pee running down into my socks. Hard to tell.:)

There's nothing quite like childhood trauma to really bring the spice to a horror movie. It might be the reason why I run out of the room after I turned the lights off. Gotta outrun the trauma demons.:)

If terrorizing children with horror stories before bed we're an Olympic sport, we'd at least take, like, bronze or something. Scare your kids. It's good for their bones. :)

Nick and Jess dive into the sweet, sweet story of Candyman. No, not the sexy Tony Todd Candyman. The sexy Yahya Abdul-Mateen Candyman. Stupid sexy Yahya.:)

State of Emergency deserves a better review than the one we just gave it. Well, maybe not. But still. As much as we sh*t on this movie, we actually love it. Like a toilet. Sh*tty, but dependable. :)

In this bonus episode, we sit down with the creator and writer of Avalon. A comic book series about a dysfunctional family stuck in the midst of the zombie apocalypse. Check it out, and please support our friends over at 1282 Studios by getting in on their Kickstarter.:)

Vicious Fun?! Oh yeah, it has actors in it, and it has a plot... about things.. that are fun??.. Oh man, it's so.. fun. And vicious!... Phew boy.. I just don't have the words to describe how fun it is.. Why don't you go first.:)

We'll warn you now, we're not sorry for this episode. We want to be, but we won't. :)

I cannot express enough how much I wanted this to be about HELLFEST, the metal festival!!! Held in Clisson France every June. We can't always win I guess. Just like Gavin... What a dumb way to die.:)

We don't normally do this. Actually, we never do this. But we felt that you all deserved some additional insight to Possum. We loved it. We hope you loved it. For those who hated it, well, sucks to suck. :)

No, this movie is not about the hissy little rodent. Why would they name a movie Possum when it's not even about Possums? I don't know. Why do they call shorts, shorts, and don't call pants, longs?? :)

Whoever let these dang nerds just live life like it's just a giant, unregulated science fair, I want to say thank you. Thank you for letting nerds do the weird shit they do. Like summon goo monsters and kiss each other in their weird BDSM outfits.   :)

Nic Cage has two sons. but like, not IRL. I mean, he does have two sons, but these are not his real sons. These are his fake sons. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, Nic Cage... and his two sons... Fuck, I lost it. Just watch the movie.:)

Tell us your thoughts!If there was one word to describe this movie, it would be "thismovieisthegreatestmovieofalltimeandyou'rewrongfordisagreeing." Not even remotely bias. 

Tell us your thoughts!Contrary to common belief, No one actually takes Deborah Logan. They just do a really bad job at supervising her. Amateurs.

Tell us your thoughts!Cenobite, Cinna-bite. What's the difference? Both are covered in goo and you want to put them in your mouth... Maybe that's just us.

caveatnounca·​ve·​at ˈka-vē-ˌät -ˌat, ˈkä-vē-ˌät ˈkā-vē-ˌat1. a modifying or cautionary detail to be considered when evaluating, interpreting, or doing somethingDeath by Review is fun to listen to, but the caveat is that Jess and  Nick have no idea what they are talking about. 

The House of the Devil is full of CHILLS! It's full of THRILLS! It's full of really bad PIZZA! And no, the Devil doesn't actually live here. That would be stupid. He'd probably live in a cabin... With a beet farm... Where him and his husband live a beautiful quiet life along with their cat, Pickles.

The Stuff is not only an awful movie, it is also terrible. If you subjected yourself to watching this, we are very sorry. No refunds.

Nick and Jess cover Rob Zombie's House of precisely 1000 Corpses. No more. No less. Trust me, we counted.

Nick and Jess dive into the movie that kicked off the Terrifier franchise, All Hallow's Eve. Some may argue it was his short films alone that started his career. We argue that you are dumb.

It's a metaphor bro. You probably wouldn't get it. 

Nick and Jess try to figure out what this movie is even about. Like serious, what is this?

Nick and Jess ramble ramble ramble about Grave Encounters while an all powerful edible takes Jess deeper into insanity. Someone give this woman a lobotomy. 

Nick and Jess discuss the iconic film, A Nightmare on Elm Street, 1984. Debuting Johnny Depp and Nancy's stupid bangs.