Romancing Your Soul Podcast

Most likely you are familiar with the phrase, “love is blind.” This expression is first found in Chaucer's The Merchant's Tale, written between 1387 and 1400. The phrase did not come into common usage until William Shakespeare's tragedy Romeo and Juliet, in the scene where Benvolio says to Mercutio, “Blind is his love, and best befits the dark.” Mercutio responds that if love is blind, then it is not real love. In this episode, I ask us to think about why real love is not blind. Love is caring and affection displayed as the positive behaviors of our integrity in action; The truth is, our integrity cannot and should not withstand all things; While all relationships have challenges, affection expressed positively, as our soul's integrity, does not tolerate the dishonest or abusive actions of other people; and No matter if someone is a family member or a close friend, we do not have to hang in there, allowing them to dump their anger, self-centeredness, and emotional unconsciousness onto us. 

Okay, I imagine you're saying to yourself, “Hey, this lasagna lady is nuts.”  I get it since close encounters of the third kind are highly suspect. Unless of course, you are discussing the matter with Giorgio A. Tsoukalos or Erich von Däniken. But, if you're not a fan of Ancient Aliens or have not read Chariots of the Gods, my experience will seem odd. You'd certainly have doubts if the only aliens you've encountered are in movies or on TV. If you only know the Klingons, Romulans, Vulcans, or Borg of Star Trek fame maybe you would think I'm a six-pack short of a case. You can imagine how surreal and strange it must be to grow up with a secret you are not able to share with anyone for fear of being labeled crazy. Finding others who share the same experience is comforting because you can't be crazy when someone, anyone, steps up and says, “Hey, that also happened to me.” Each experience you and I have in life is a unique opportunity to grow our sympathy, empathy, and compassion for others.

Have you ever seen a UFO? Or been visited by little gray, not green, aliens?  I have. Which taught me there are millions of us with millions of different experiences. We cannot all have the same experiences. That’s why it’s so important we listen to one another to understand rather than simply dismiss each other […] Read more

Do you like lasagna? I do, very much. Honestly and with all modesty I can say my lasagna is to die for. I don't mean my lasagna will literally kill you. Heavens NO! The expression “it's to die for” means something is fantastic, incredible, magnificent, and in the case of food over the top delicious. And my lasagna should be first-rate, an award-winning stack of deliciousness because I've spent the past 45 years mastering the recipe. We don't get good at anything – cooking, relationships, a job, patience – without practice. If we want to be really good at something we must get really good at practicing that something. Practice will make us proficient, not perfect. Takes a lot of stress off, doesn't it?

In this Episode: Practice Makes us Proficient! Which Takes the Perfection Pressure Off. Do you like lasagna? I do, very much. Honestly and with all modesty I can say my lasagna is to die for. I don’t mean my lasagna will literally kill you. Heavens NO! The expression “it’s to die for” means something is […] Read more

Life is filled with so much joy, satisfaction and inspiration. No matter what challenges you face you are in control of how to best deal with the ups and downs of your relationships, career and health. The goal is not to have a perfect life. The goal is to create a happy life, no matter what. You can get through any challenge by focusing on the positive. Happy is an attitude to see the blessings in every situation. A focus on joy brings everything into its proper perspective.

In this Episode:   Life is filled with so much joy, satisfaction and inspiration. No matter what challenges you face you are in control of how to best deal with the ups and downs of your relationships, career and health. The goal is not to have a perfect life. The goal is to create a […] Read more

You are an individual. So am I. As individuals it is only possible for us to be one half of the relationship we have with each other. Our goal in the relationship we have with each other is to be our best half. On the other hand, in the relationship we have with ourselves, you and I are the entire relationship. Our goal in the relationship we have with ourselves is to be whole by loving ourselves first, so we know how to love each other well. Contrary to what we have been told by religion, society or our parents, it is not selfish to love ourselves first. Unless we care for ourselves by honoring our needs, goals and desires we cannot genuinely support others in honoring their needs, goals and desires. Only by filling ourselves up first do we have it within to give to others without resentment or feeling used and abused; neither of which are loving behaviors.

In this Episode:   You are an individual. So am I. As individuals it is only possible for us to be one half of the relationship we have with each other. Our goal in the relationship we have with each other is to be our best half. On the other hand, in the relationship we […] Read more

If  I had a magic wand I'd touch it to the hearts of those who hurt others and yet claim to love. If I had a magic wand I'd touch it to the hearts of those who allow themselves to be hurt by others and yet claim they are loved. One of the biggest misconceptions we have about relationships is that we have the power to change another person.  If we're just more understanding, patient, loving, open, scream louder, say it in a different way, etc., then he or she will wake up and get it.  If it were that easy I would wave my magic wand and the world would transform overnight. Consistent behavior, not words is proof of who someone is. Relationships become unfulfilled when we hold onto a fantasy of what we want someone to be rather than accepting the truth of who their behavior is telling us they are. The only love strong enough to end negative, abusive behavior, is self-love, for un

In this Episode:   If  I had a magic wand I’d touch it to the hearts of those who hurt others and yet claim to love. If I had a magic wand I’d touch it to the hearts of those who allow themselves to be hurt by others and yet claim they are loved. One […] Read more

I don't know how to dance the Argentine Tango with its virtually unlimited improvisational opportunities or the American/International Tango where specific steps and patterns are learned for competitive events. If I want to be part of a successful dance team, whether it is for competition or just out for fun on Saturday night, I first have to learn how to dance. The same is true of my having successful relationships because those also require me to be able to move in rhythmic partnership to an ever-changing dance of interpersonal dynamics.

In this Episode:   I don’t know how to dance the Argentine Tango with its virtually unlimited improvisational opportunities or the American/International Tango where specific steps and patterns are learned for competitive events. If I want to be part of a successful dance team, whether it is for competition or just out for fun on […] Read more

In this Episode:   At one time I was obese. The short answer to how I lost the extra weight is, I worked my rear end off through exercise to burn the 220,500 calories necessary to get back down to 130 pounds. The long answer is that before I hit the gym, before I committed […] Read more

In this Episode:   When I was younger I spent much time daydreaming.  In school, in church, while watching television, when mom and dad were talking. I was constantly distracted by my thoughts. Needless to say I was not a good student. So while pursuing my master’s degree I genuinely wanted to do my best. […] Read more

In this Episode: In Cabaret, the 1972 movie based on the hit Broadway play, Liza Minnelli, Joel Grey and cast sang these lyrics in one of the movies most memorable scenes. “Money makes the world go around, the world go around, the world go around. Money makes the world go around, that clinking, clanking sound […] Read more

In this Episode: Life can easily become monotonous. Daily routines become ruts. Ruts become habits. Habits become comfortable whether the habit formed is positive or negative. Doing the same actions over and over, driving the same routes, watching the same television, listening to the same music, eating the same foods also become routine, or a […] Read more

In this Episode: Growing up gay I did not give much thought to getting married. Until recently it was not legal. So when Barbara and I decided to make our relationship official, I had not taken time to sit with what being married to her truly means. Possibly it is because not much will change […] Read more

In this Episode: You and I are impressed with people who bravely stand up to injustice. We consider those who blow the whistle on corruption, irresponsibility, neglect, abuse and practices that harm us, the environment and animals, to be superheroes. But often listening to our own personal whistleblowers is a completely different story. Our prideful […] Read more

In this Episode: While I don’t have children of my own, throughout life I have always been surrounded by children and young adults. Also, as a former wounded and dysfunctional child who’s spent much of my adult life in self-reflection to heal, I’ve learned how critical it is to a child’s success for them to […] Read more

In this Episode: Jobs end. Relationships end. We don’t get what we want when we want it. An inconsiderate driver cuts us off. We encounter a traffic jam. Our job becomes very demanding. The line at the post office is out the door. A check we mail never arrives. We are diagnosed with a life-threatening […] Read more

In this Episode:   For many years I was unaware of the emotions, attitudes and rationalizations that drove my negative, addictive and hurtful behavior. One day I came to the realization life would never change for the better until I changed for the better. Only by taking responsibility for the thought patterns that drove my […] Read more

In this Episode:   Within your human form is a wise, loving and healing energy. No matter what you experience in life, you can heal, you can overcome a negative past, you can forgive the actions of others, and your actions, to live in peace with the present. Allowing the strength of soul to be […] Read more

In this Episode:   What does “I love you” mean to you? Have you ever stopped to really think about it? Until I did think about it, I said “I love you” without really knowing the depth of emotional responsibility associated with those three words. Love is caring and affection so “I love you,” means […] Read more

In this Episode:   I was thirteen when my father took me on a day trip to Austin. One of our stops was the floor of the Texas Senate, the upper house of the State Legislature. Maybe dad hoped the experience would ignite within me the desire to someday run for office. While I have […] Read more

In this Episode:   It has been hard watching our beloved Celine Dion suffer over the death of her husband of 21 years, Rene Angelil, followed two days later by the death of her brother Daniel Dion. We empathize with her loss because we too have experienced the death of loved ones. Many of us […] Read more

In this Episode:   I’ve learned being happy is a choice. Of course we will not have a continuous sense of well-being and contentment. But, overall the quality of life, our level of fulfillment and peace, is a choice we make, moment by moment, in how we deal most directly with the responsibilities that come […] Read more

In this Episode:   Do you dream? Do you dream big? Do your dreams come true? Walt Disney said, “If you can dream it you can do it.” The first step to creating the life you want is to dream, to imagine yourself doing great things, receiving great things, creating solid and rewarding relationships, and […] Read more

In this Episode:   It’s a brand new year with endless possibilities for you to accomplish lots of physical, emotional, financial, behavioral and relationship goals. But to reach your goals, you first have to set them by taking time to do the soul searching necessary to determine exactly what you want to accomplish and what […] Read more

In this Episode:   This is the perfect time of year to reflect on all that happened in your life in 2015. When you stop and think about all you accomplished and how strong you were to face and overcome the challenges you had, it will give you a good perspective on how much you’ve […] Read more

In this Episode:   It took much soul searching for me to forgive my early religious experience. Born gay and raised in a fundamentalist Christian church in the southern part of the United States was a nightmare. The treatment I received was anything but Christ-like. Today I still witness many people who call themselves Christian […] Read more

In this Episode:   Our thoughts create our behavior. Our behavior creates our life. We create the loving and fulfilling life we want by teaching ourselves to remain connected to what we think and why we think it. We, the heart soul of who we are, become the gatekeeper of our thoughts by teaching ourselves […] Read more