Podcast appearances and mentions of james rapson

198 - Navigating the Challenges of People Pleasing In this episode, we explore the often-overlooked downside of being too nice. Drawing from "Anxious to Please: Seven Revolutionary Practices for the Chronically Nice" by James Rapson and Craig English, we discuss how chronic people pleasing can impact mental health, relationships, and personal fulfillment. We offer practical strategies to help listeners find a balance between kindness and self-respect. The Hidden Costs of People Pleasing: Chronic people pleasing can lead to low self-esteem, depression, and strained relationships. It often involves second-guessing oneself and constantly seeking approval. Recognizing Over-Accommodation: Awareness is the first step towards change. It is crucial to identify situations where one is overly accommodating and reflect on the emotions and thoughts behind these behaviors.Steps to Reclaim Your Authenticity: Small Acts of Self-Assertion: Start with minor actions like suggesting a restaurant or declining additional work. Forgiveness and Patience: Changing ingrained habits takes time. Be kind to yourself throughout the process. The Desert Practice: Spending time alone helps one reconnect with one's personal desires and needs. This practice encourages listening to one's own voice away from external influences. Developing a Personal Ethic: Adopt a mindset similar to a warrior who acts based on personal ethics rather than automatic niceness. This involves making conscious decisions aligned with personal values.Takeaways: Balance Kindness with Self-Respect: It's essential to be kind without compromising one's own well-being. Awareness and small steps towards self-assertion can help achieve this balance. Practice Solitude: Regularly spending time alone helps you understand and prioritize your needs. Conscious Decision Making: Acting based on personal ethics rather than habitual niceness leads to a more authentic and fulfilling life. https://startwithsmallsteps.com/198-breaking-free-from-people-pleasing/ https://www.amazon.com/Anxious-Please-Revolutionary-Practices-Chronically-ebook/dp/B001U29UDK Jill's Links https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJill https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI https://www.youtube.com/@startwithsmallstepspodcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/smallstepspod https://twitter.com/schmern Email the podcast at jill@startwithsmallsteps.com

E103:Freeing Yourself from “Niceness” with Special Guest James Rapson   E103 Introduction One of the common things I see men struggle with is how do you break out of this people pleasing fixation. It is...

EPISODE 031 NOVEMBER 05, 2019 WHAT’S NEW THIS WEEK On this week’s episode of You Time, I sat down with author, speaker, and recovering people-pleaser Natalie Lue of Baggage Reclaim to dissect and dive deeper into people-pleasing behavior. We take a closer look at the motivations around people-pleasing behavior and work to uncover common emotions felt by those who continually give too much. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed from living a life of Yes, this episode is for you.   Natalie and I both believe that (unless you’re a narcissist or psychopath), everyone has a vein of people-pleasing in some area of their life, whether it’s work, relationships, or with family. Listen in to discover where you aim to please others within your life and what you can do to change your ways. ABOUT NATALIE: Natalie Lue, 42, is a writer, podcaster, speaker, and artist who’s been blogging for over fifteen years. She founded Baggage Reclaim in 2005 with the mission of using her recovery from abandonment, emotional unavailability, and low self-esteem to help at least one person avoid what she had or figure their way out of a toxic relationship. Since then, she’s helped many people-pleasers, perfectionists, and overthinkers unpack and reclaim themselves from their emotional baggage. This baggage can affect everything from forging intimate relationships to their emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual wellbeing to their creativity, relationship with money and work, to the health and wealth of their interpersonal relationships. Her work is also currently expanding into helping kids and parents. Natalie’s self-published four books that have sold 130K+ copies, and is the host of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast which has enjoyed 1.2m downloads on Apple podcasts and more than 2m listens on other outlets. She runs e-courses, an online membership, and workshops. Jamaican Chinese in origin, she was born in England and raised primarily in Dublin, Ireland. She lives in on the edge of London in Surrey with her husband, two daughters and crazy cockerpoo, Chester. TOPICS COVERED Finding out you are a people-pleaser | 3:16 The impact of people-pleasing on your health | 6:48 Getting in touch with your needs as a people-pleaser | 20:40 The common emotions of a people-pleaser | 27:02 The people-pleasing mentality | 33:25 Co-dependency and empathy | 41:15 The people-pleasing epidemic | 50:33 The hidden agenda and people-pleasing behavior | 1:00:00 Natalie answers: self-care questions | 1:07:00 ADDITIONAL RESOURCES FOR PEOPLE-PLEASING BEHAVIOR CONNECT WITH NATALIE Learn more about Natalie and her work in people-pleasing behavior by heading to Baggage Reclaim or connecting with her on Instagram. Also, Natalie is the author of four self-published books. Check them out below! Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship Love, Care, Trust, and Respect The No Contact Rule SUPPORTIVE RESOURCES FOR THIS EPISODE If this episode resonated with you, check out the below additional resources to help you dig deeper into your people-pleasing ways. Listen: Learn How to Not Be a People-Pleaser with Therapist Stephanie Essenfeld Blog: How to Start Setting Healthy Boundaries Book: Boundaries with Soul by Carley Schweet Book: Anxious to Please by James Rapson

James Rapson is back on the show to do a deep dive on a chapter from his book.      This time we focus our discussion on the practices of the warrior.  We’re NOT talking about violence.  Instead, we talk about the courage that comes from restraint, following your heart and your ethic, and holding empathy for yourself as you begin walking the warrior path.   Check out his book, that he wrote with his longtime friend Craig English: “Anxious to Please: 7 Revolutionary Practices for the Chronically Nice”   …then visit his site to get more information on his 1:1 coaching.  You can find him here: http://www.jamesrapson.com   ……   LetGo Hello is here to support your journey.    Your host Mark Stilwell interviews thoughtful, clever, provocative, and noteworthy people, across disciplines to get a big picture perspective of what it means to live a fulfilling life.   Check us out on the web at: http://www.letgohello.com   Facebook and Twitter: /LetGoHello @LetGoHello   Let go of what’s been holding you back…because this is YOUR journey.  

All of the things that you believe you need in order to get started are probably not as necessary as you think.   You’ll learn as you go   Many people will focus on researching and researching with the thought that they will build when they have all the data/knowledge/skill etc.  the truth is that that time never comes.    It’s a form of stalling.   My lovely and talented wife (who by the way I’ve found is awesome with voiceovers!  She’s the voice on the LetGo Hello intro and outdo)…she is always reminding me of this.  I can easily analyze till I’m paralyzed.  I can easily busy myself on things that make little or no difference to the outcome.  Jim Rohn always talked about people who major in minors.  We spend our time on things that make little difference.  Do we really need to check our email 20 times in a day?  Why not just twice…and definitely  after you’ve knocked out a big agenda item.   Austin’s Kleon’s short read “Show Your Work”  Not mentioned, but check it out…   Have Faith We grow in the process as we put our work out there.  We learn by doing…   Before I started my blog, my thoughts circled around a couple nebulous ideas.  I could begin to articulate them but the ideas felt half stuck.  It wasn’t until I actually wrote them down…and then uploaded them onto the blog (opening them up to an actual audience, that they began to make more sense…and more importantly…free up my thoughts and energy to not only further develop those ideas, but also make room for more ideas.  It seems the more I shared, the more room I had.  In addition, that’s where things started coming my way.  Most of the guests   On this podcast, with every episode that I release, I’m further refining my voice and my focus.  I get so nervous before every interview, and sometimes during…  I am embarrassed by my past releases, and I’m working to get better with every one.  That’s part of the process, I’m finding and developing my voice as I go.  My focus tightens up with everything I share.  I really appreciate all of the feedback that I’ve received from the listeners out there as the podcast evolves.    Reid Hoffman Linkedin “If you are not embarrassed by the first version of your product, you’ve launched too late.”   2. the resources will appear when you need them   Field of dreams… If you build it they will come.  This is a cry for action.  If there is something in you to create, then do something about it TODAY as a step toward it.  Do it today…a small step.  just get the ball rolling.  no more imaging.  Don't let today be like the other todays that have passed, and then you find yourself at 40 wondering where all the time went.  Just Begin.   Just begin.  Just begin.   I believe the concept can be turned around into an enlightened self interest, the more we give, the more comes back.  That’s not what it’s about though.  It’s all about the community that we develop as we embark on our journey.  James Rapson (who I’ve interviewed on this show) said something that’s stuck with me.  He said:  The people who you are looking for…are also looking for you.  Many of the people I’ve come into contact with that a have been helpful in someway are a result of action I’d taken.   Remember, just begin, and the resources you need will come along the way.  Also, you’ll grow in the process.    |||||||||||   At LetGo Hello, we bring value to people who care.   On the show, writer, speaker and educator Mark Stilwell, interviews thought leaders, in a variety of areas including psychology, philosophy, health, business, personal finance, relationships, and spirituality, to get a big picture perspective of what it means to live a more fulfilling life.   Life tends to keep us busy grinding away until one day we awaken with the ache that something is missing.  We search for meaning.  We try to fill the holes, but the more we chase what we think we want, the more it tends to elude us.  We can often be left feeing empty   LetGo Hello is all about perspective shifts on the transformative journey of fulfillment.  Our goal is to connect you with thoughtful, clever, provocative and noteworthy people and ideas in an exploration of fulfillment and how to attract more abundance in life.   Join us as we discus ways to find lasting meaning and happiness.   Find us on the web at: www.letgohello.com   Reach out to Mark at: mark@letgohello.com

  In this episode, we dig deep into the difference between niceness and kindness, and we delve into the many pitfalls that people with chronic niceness (like I’ve personally been working through) fall into.  We also discuss several of the 7 practices that James Rapson M.S., LMF (along with his co-author and long-time-friend Craig English) discusses.   James is a veteran therapist and teacher whose writing combines hard-won personal insight with clinical experience and scholarship. He is the co-author of “Anxious to Please: 7 Revolutionary Practices for the Chronically Nice,” released nationally in April of 2006 (second printing November 2006).   James is the founder of Group of Dads, which offers classes, workshops and groups for fathers.  For more information on the book, or his groups, you may follow the link below.   http://www.anxioustoplease.com/index.html   -----------------   At LetGo Hello, we bring value to people who care.   On the show, writer, speaker and educator Mark Stilwell, interviews thought leaders, in a variety of areas including psychology, philosophy, health, business, personal finance, relationships, and spirituality, to get a big picture perspective of what it means to live a more fulfilling life.   Life tends to keep us busy grinding away until one day we awaken with the ache that something is missing.  We search for meaning.  We try to fill the holes, but the more we chase what we want, the more it tends to elude us.  We can often be left feeing empty   LetGo Hello is all about perspective shifts on the transformative journey of fulfillment.  Our goal is to connect you with thoughtful, clever, provocative and noteworthy people and ideas in an exploration of fulfillment and how to attract more abundance in life.   Join us as we discus ways to find lasting meaning and happiness.   More information can be found at:   www.letgohello.com

Chronic niceness can cause severe anxiety and undermine careers. Craig English and James Rapson will explore seven powerful practices from their book Anxious to Please. Discover how to transform niceness anxiety into strength and compassion.