Let Me Tell You About Homestuck

Okay y'all I'll be real with you there's very little editing on this one. I wanted to get something out the door, I wasn't able to get Ashley and Luke's original recordings, so you're getting the raw backup with only the beginning and end themes added. That said, I hope you all enjoy it! I think it was still a lot of fun....fuck me this was recorded in october 2017 I'M SO SORRY

I’ma be real with y’all. I don’t really have it in me to write up a summary. You know what this episode is about.

WV contends with uneasy dreams about the duty that faces him. Tavros faces his destiny. Jade learns about her role in the completion of the game. Kanaya resolves to save her people. And Luke makes Ashley wretch with disgust.

Jade finally gets cracking on becoming a Witch of Space, and makes a decision that she immediately learns to regret. Meanwhile, Ashley and I talk about how Karkat's whole... schtick is a little weird to read about these days, and learn about the most important character in Homestuck.

This episode is like, 98% Dave and Terezi. Enjoy, shippers.

It's starting to become clear just how Vriska's wounds came to be healed, but the details are more grisly then you might think. Meanwhile, Jade finally gets a white christmas, Aradia fulfills her explosive destiny, and Dave is hit hard and fast with the consequences of traveling to a foreign timeline.

John has reached God Tier. Will anyone else follow in his footsteps? With Terezi weaving complex philosophical and temporal riddles in his ear, Dave struggles with facing his own mortality, standing over himself with a weapon in hand. Yes, we seriously spent an hour talking about 10 whole pages. They were important ones dangit! 

Vriska helps John get into some new gear. John catches up with his best friend. Kanaya is worried that Rose is dangerous, but she's not quite sure who she's a danger to.

John get re-acquainted with his now destroyed room as Vriska is a little worried about cleaning supplies. Rose shows off some new skills, and Kanaya does her best to outsmart and outwit the LaLonde Human.

Having channeled the windy thing for the first time, John has reached the end of his echeladder, and the time has come for him to rise to God Tier. He embarks on a quest through LOWAS to find the Quest Bed, so he can take the nap that will make him the greatest hero in all of paradox space. Also, Luke and Ashley do some speculating on what a Homestuck movie would be like!

Karkat gets a bit ahead of himself talking to John. Terezi addresses the rest of the crew and asks if they should really spend all of their time trolling these dumb humans. Vriska puts her own plans into motion.

Karkat and Kanaya talk some things out. A few troll girls are made to pay. We move forward to the end, to the inevitable finish. Jules needs a nap.

Sollux encounters a problem entering the game that Feferi seems to know how to fix, and we take a brief time out to talk to our good friend Andrew Hussie. Derse is explored, more Classpects revealed, we meet a few exiles, and perhaps even begin to understand just how all of them came to be that way.

Alright listen LISTEN. sometimes these episodes have weird starting and finishing points. Sometimes there's not a great narrative thread to connect all the pages we cover over the course of an episode. And sometimes... *sigh.* Sometimes you have to listen to Tavros ineffectually hit on Jade for 20 straight minutes. But you all know what's coming next week right? It'll be great!

We take a brief interlude to learn how trolls love, and, well, make love? I guess? Eridan kills a whale. Feferi moves on.

Jade's finally made her way into the Medium, which means she's taking the first steps toward becoming a hero! Of course, the fact that she brought a prototyped Becquerel in with her means that even the weakest enemies in the game are now borderline invincible, but, y'know, I'm sure she'll figure something out! Meanwhile, Rose reveals a bit more of what seems like an increasingly misguided plan while Ashley takes a moment to discuss porn???

It's hard, Kanaya. Being a kid, and growing up. It's hard, and nobody understands.

Faced with fatalistic certainty, Vriska decides to embrace the circumstances of everyone's doom. If the immortal demon must exist, then she'll be the one to create it. She unleashes unspeakable horror onto the world, every world. But she also begins to build the hero that might just one day destroy it, if he's lucky enough to beat her to the punch. Also, me and Ashley talk about tattoos a bunch???

Aradia and Equius do a little RP and get a bit too close. Vriska is recruited by Karkat. Operation REGISURP is put into motion, and we learn about the true state of Sgrub.

We take a look back. Vriska loses an eye. Aradia loses her life. Mr. Vanilla Milkshake is revealed to be one Doc Scratch, and he's not very happy with the situation on Alternia.

Jade wakes up for the first time since losing her dream self, filled with self-doubt, dread, and anger for the first time in her life. She's done her best to help her friends, but has she really succeeded? Rose seems to be succumbing to something dark and strange, the game seems completely unwinnable, and Karkat will never stop telling her that she's the reason everyone is doomed. What if he's right?

We meet Vriska and answer some messages while Equius is...well, Equius.

Sollux changes his mind about playing Sgrub and has an unfortunate mind honey-fueled incident. Kanaya confronts Aradia. Nepeta gives Tavros some bad news, and we learn about the Team Charge Incident. Also, Aradia prototypes herself?!?

Tavros plays some card games with Tinkerbull. Terezi meets her lusus for just a moment. Kanaya is living in a familiar land. Vriska trolls Tavros, Karkat continues showing off his leadership skills, and we learn of a Demon who is Already Here.

As Rose continues to tear the game apart, the shadowy figures orchestrating it begin to show themselves. What is the Green Sun? What are these voices Rose is hearing? What happens when a dead dreamer dreams? WHY IS THE GREEN SUN IN THE ICP MIRACLES MUSIC VIDEO.

It's all over! There currently is no more Homestuck to get told about. Instead we look back at the comic as a whole. What are our favorite parts and characters? What parts do we think should have been cut and what characters we would do better without? What's our ships????!!!! All these answers are told in the very tired finale of LMTYAHS Alpha!

Karkat usurps leadership from Terezi who...doesn't really care. Sollux creates a game. Aradia causes some destruction for...some reason.

Karkat chews out Dave and John for flirting with the Scourge Sisters, before flashing back to the seemingly endless troll drama that flooded his life when he first awoke on Prospit. Karkat recognizes the demon, Sollux and Feferi are getting more familiar, Vriska has a new celebrity crush, and Gamzee is now an innkeeper for some reason.

Spades Slick is about to get his revenge. Jade has fun with Davepeta. John has one more revelation. Dave asks one last question. Combatants collide. Act 7 starts. The End Arrives

Alternia is a planet far away from our own, and actually, Earth doesn't exist yet. Let's get introducted to Karkat, Gamzee, and Terezi! We didn't want to read anything about the Kids for a while, right?

Vriska get debriefed on what happened in the dream world. Tavros actually does something. Jasprose goes on a date until Davesprite fucks it up like a piece of shit. Dave and Dirk talk about each others past and telling friends things. Jade learns about star stuff. John gives one last big speech. Terezei remembers.

John gets more information about the reckoning. Dave confronts his own mortality and makes a new friend. Jade saves a brother. A Villein becomes a Vagabond. A Mistress becomes a Medicant. A Regulator becomes a Renegade. A Queen becomes a Questant.

Roxy and Callie have some alone time as they figure out the mysteries of space, void, spikey balls and being Space Gay. Dave finally opens up about his life with Bro and he and Dirk wade through the murky waters that they find themselves in. Kanaya gets a helping hand from a friend. Vriska tears herself down as a relationship collapses. Jane meets Nana and Jake wonders if this is it. Tavros eats a button.

Dave chills with Davesprite. Jules loses it. John gets some answers in the Veil. Jules Loses It. AR discovers some of John's Family History. JULES LOSES IT.

John continues to make preparations with Vriska, when he finally gets an opportunity to catch up with Dave, who's been abusing his newfound time powers to manipulate the stock market. Also, Rose is spiraling toward an ominous future, and Terezi produces an embarrassment of Silver Spoons GIFs.

Gather round everyone!!! We've got a final battle to prepare for. Everyone gets their assignment. Calliope meets an other her. Rosesprite gets a big hug. Karkat and Kanaya have a talk. Dave and Dirk finally meet. Vriska has a talk with herself.

Listen. I won't lie to you. This episode is MOSTLY about Rose and Dave doing their Gristmas stuff, so like... I hope you enjoy that.

It's about to get awkward as families finally meet and get to know each other. Roxy finally meets her mom and her daughter. Two weenies talke to each other. Terezi and Vriska get gay. Dave meets his mommy, wait SHIT. The trolls have shit talk. Dave talks to his computer brother. Two weenies talk about how Batman sucks.

John enters Rose's home and breaks her stuff. Rose has an eventful nap. Dave obtains a pair of personal journals. AR? fuckin' shreds.

Caliborn spoils Homestuck for us, the jerk, as he reveals his masterpiece. Vriska checks her timeline of three years on the meteor. Dave and Karkat get close. Vriska has a plan. John and Roxy return to hugs and emotion. Dave lays down the law on toxic masculinity and compulsory heterosexuality. Really. Also Luke is here!

John gets in trouble with Terezi. Dave has to go back. A Rose fades into the void. Jack Noir Ascends.

John returns to where he started and meets a much happier Terezi who gives him a bloody scarf and then dies. Jane joins in on the fantroll fun. Meenah and Vriska go punk and get gay. John pulls pranks and gets pranks as we finally learn passwords. Roxy buries a daughter and a mother. Another world loses Roxy. An unexpected person messes up plans. John punches a girl he likes. A true hero returns.

Tavros and Kanaya get some advice from Rose and Dave. John's Present has gone missing. PM? and AR? get into some trouble. A deal is struck.

Sometimes people don't like your art no matter how much you improve. Sometimes you mess up and discussions have to be had. Sometimes people you love die. Sometimes you never got to say I love you. Sometimes you have to fix things. Sometimes you make new friends. Sometimes you can fix things. Sometimes you can change destiny. Sometimes you can choose a third option. Sometimes you can go home.

After making it back to his house, John decides to start checking up on his friends, starting with Rose. Turns out, she's been busy since their last chat way back in Act 4! Mastering her eldritch majyyyyyks, tearing the game apart in search of clues, and most of all, getting to know a certain jade-blooded troll a whole lot better.

John gets himself into some very hot water. The recent past is recalled. Jade is very abruptly awoken. Dave's plumbing gets rearranged. Rose hears from a Questant.

We are thrust back into the award winning satire that is Homosuck. We meet the alpha male and his entourage of girls. Pay no attention to the male with blue jammies who appeared out of a flash of light. Back in the session Gamzee reveals that he has stolen the ring for a new villain, but an old favorite. Everything begins to break as we go down a doomed path. Hope is unleashed, witches are crushed, souls are ripped and a conversation about abuse in unfortunately had.

John enters the Land of Wind and Shade. Dave gets set up with his server player. Jade explains that she has only just as much information about the world as John. Rose enters the Land of Light and Rain.

We are given the illusion of choice once again, but sadly the glitches have messed even that up. Dave is confronted by Jade who say he must be the one to kill Lord English. When Dave refuses a mayoral threat is made. Kanaya gets very mad at Jane before succumbing to unfathomable bloodlust. Dave is confronted by Jade who say he must be the one to kill Lord English. Then John comes in and makes things awkward. Rose and Kanaya try to have a talk and Terezi goes clown hunting. Dave is confronted by Jade who say he must be the one to kill Lord English. John is confronted by John who tells him to meet a girl. John meets a girl and tells her about Homestuck

Caliborn reveals that he has gone mastered the thing known as the narrative and that he will use this to rip Homestuck a new one. Andrew Hussie provides us a game cart to continue the kid's adventure but not before Caliborn makes it "special." The new session is overtaken by glitches, big animations are skipped, and memories are lost. Dave laughs at his own jokes. Roxy has to make a egg. Jade and Jane are being evil. Karkat demands answers and gets forks. Rose and Terezi get over a hangover. John is missing.

Spades Slick built this town, and now he's going to destroy it himself.