On Death

Bansi Savla Once Again! Bansi is a 26yo wife, radiation oncology resident, and mother of three ferrets. In the four years since our first interview in May 2016, Bansi has graduated medical school, finished her transitional year of residency, and begun the road to mastery in the field of radiation oncology. In this conversation, we discuss how and why she changed in those four years, the story of her courtship and marriage, and how it is difficult to choose a death when you know how people die these days.

Lobynn Cha! Lobynn is a 25yo daughter, entrepreneur, small business owner, and chef. I met Lobynn at her wonderful restaurant Little Miss Korea in Allentown, PA. During this conversation, we discuss her vagabond upbringing by missionary parents, how Koreans and Italians have more in common than you’d think, and how she navigates running a small business with her family. I hope you enjoy!

Stephen Jenkinson! Stephen is a 66yo teacher, author, story-teller, and musician. I met Stephen first through his incredible book, Die Wise, and truly enjoyed this conversation with a man who has spent time in the trenches and has already forgotten more about death than I will likely learn in my remaining life. During this conversation, he appropriately eviscerates the premise of the four prompts, we discuss how right/wrong is meaningless in the context of fulfilling the wolf’s role, and how advanced directives are a final grasp at control and autonomy.I hope you enjoy! :)

Matt Michaud! Matt is a 35yo firefighter, paramedic, CrossFit affiliate owner, father, and husband. I met Matt when I lived in NH and I had the great privilege of coaching at his CrossFit gym. In this conversation, we discuss how he processed the recent news of his wife’s breast cancer diagnosis, the unexpected dangers associated with firefighting, and how his children help him leave those dangers at work.I hope you enjoy! :)

Alexander Minot! Alexander is a 30yo son, partner, and dog father. I met Alexander in the years after college, through previous guest Adam Arazi. During this conversation, we discuss his Jewish upbringing, the death of his father two years ago, and the challenges of bringing his family together in the wake of that death.I hope you enjoy! :)

Alana Karma! Alana is a 24yo survivor, growing human, not a phoenix. This marks the third time Alana has joined us on the podcast, effectively ending the trilogy which began in 2017. Between that first interview and the second, she suffered a severe car accident which left her with brain damage and difficulty adjusting to her new life, as evidence in that 2018 interview. Now, almost three years after the initial interview and two years after the accident, we discuss life on the other side of forgiveness for someone that hurt you, how the coronavirus pandemic felt like everyone joining Alana in the “weird”, and how she identified with a caterpillar more than a phoenix these days.I hope you enjoy! :)

Christina G! Christina is a 26yo future surgeon, former Christian, and current leader. She spoke at the Student Clinician's Ceremony that kicked off my third year of medical school, and ever since then I've been itching to sit down with her. In this conversation, we discuss her complicated relationship with a Christian faith, the separation of a cash register, and the importance of integrity.I hope you enjoy! :)

Today, I ramble into the microphone while discussing some of the events ongoing in the world and how it will affect the podcast. I hope you enjoy! :)

Cat Thomas! Cat is a 32yo expressive arts facilitator, a multi-modal artist, as well as a feline and canine caretaker. I met Cat through a network of lovely humans and she happened to work at Moffitt Cancer Center, next to my University of South Florida medical education. There, she facilitates a therapeutic expressive arts experience for caregivers and patients. During this conversation, we cover her journey to this work, her adventures in grandma's forest, and why she wants to die at 103.I hope you enjoy! :)

Morgan Allen! Morgan is a 30yo weightlifter, dog mom, and daughter. I met Morgan through her fiance, John Foley, my good friend and previous interviewee for the podcast. During this conversation, we discuss her father’s death by suicide, the evolution of her family dynamics, and the hurdles to starting her own family. I hope you enjoy! :)her at her funeral, and why he is learning statistics on his commute to work.I hope you enjoy! :)

John Foley! John is a 29yo athlete, brother, and lover. I met John the first weeks of freshman year at Tufts University, over a decade ago, and we have been close friends ever since. During this conversation, we discuss his combative relationship with religion, the roast of his grandmother at her funeral, and why he is learning statistics on his commute to work.I hope you enjoy! :)

Colin Kirts! Colin is a 33yo teacher, father, and co-creator of Koru Real Wellness in Doylestown, PA. I met Colin when I met his business partner Dayana Pereira, a previous interviewee for the podcast. During this conversation, we discuss Colin’s Catholic upbringing and how a trip to Scandinavia opened his eyes to the wider world, how he spent the years during his hippie commune phase, and how a rabbi became his elder mentor.I hope you enjoy! :)

Randall Sheffield! Randall is a 29yo doctor of physical therapy, yogi, and friend. Since our previous conversation about 18mo ago, Randall has graduated from PT school, developed himself spiritually, and stepped into his role as a speaker and teacher. During this conversation, we discuss how Gainesville, FL kicked off his spiritual journey, why he hasn’t touched a barbell in weeks, and Randall relates a recent brush with mortality off the beach of Costa Rica.I hope you enjoy! :)

For this 2020 Season Prospective, I reflect on the winter hibernation away from this podcast and from writing my weekly reflections. I consider the coming season of this podcast: I preview and contextualize the interviews I’ve already recorded. And I wish you, the audience, well and hope you are taking care of yourself during this time of uncertainty.I hope you enjoy! :)

Rahul Paul! Rahul is a 26yo Hindu-raised Bangledeshi, a third year medical student interested in emergency medicine, and a scientist. During this conversation, we discuss the relatable story of Krishna, the value of earned perspective, and why you should breathe into your balls.I hope you enjoy! :)

Lui Espinosa! Lui is a 31yo second year medical student, a burgeoning philosopher-physician, and a runner. He has stood out among my classmates as a human with lived experiences and earned wisdom. During this conversation, you'll learn about the death of his grandfather as well as his Portuguese friend Hannibal, his setbacks and obstacles while growing up and attaining his education, and his joy of life throughout it all.I hope you enjoy! :)

Caroline Wilson! Caroline is a 19yo college student, positive human, and survivor of a traumatic brain injury. I met Caroline while coaching crew in New Hampshire for Great Bay Rowing, and she served as a right-hand coxswain for the team. During one of our dryland practices, she fell and hit her head on cement. This caused a 2wk-long Elmer Fudd stutter and a long road to recovery. Luckily, she had her grandmother nearby, who underwent chemotherapy at the time. In this lovely conversation, we discuss the plastic nature of memories especially when you have impaired long-term memory, how a positive reframe of a situation can change your outlook on life, and the nature of social crutches and how they help us function.I hope you enjoy! :)

Pooja Jayaprakash! Pooja is 23yo second year medical student and Indian woman with a liberal arts background. I met Pooja during the first week of med school and I have known that she would make an outstanding guest on the podcast. During this conversation, we discuss growing up Indian in Utah, imagining her mixed-race children, resisting the draw of medicine, and the death of her 109yo grandfather with his complicated legacy.I hope you enjoy! :)

Meg Scott! Meg is a 23yo well-rounded second-year medical student, a follower of Christ, and a runner. I’m honored to call this deeply intelligent human my friend and I look forward to keeping tabs on her future career in surgery. In this conversation, we explore her relationship with Christ, how karate and horseback riding can teach you how to teach, and what the death of her close friend’s father taught her about death.I hope you enjoy! :)

Anna Shon! Anna is a 57yo mother of two, a devoted Catholic, and a good friend. In this conversation, we talk about the death of her parents and how this influenced her own vision for end of life, her aversion to burials, and her optimism for the future.I hope you enjoy! :)

For this 2019 Retrospective, I reflect upon the season as a whole: the key themes being parenthood and old friends. Then, I review the highlights of each interview which comprised this season. Finally, I look ahead to the return of the podcast in March 2020!I hope you enjoy! :)

Caitlin Gray! Caitlin is a 31yo mother, teacher, and historian. I went to high school with her and she popped up on my radar this past Mother’s Day due to a heartfelt post on social media. During this conversation, we discuss the loss of her daughter in utero this past April, her evolving spirituality from Catholicism to mediumship and shamanic meditative practices, and the surprise of discovering a new half-brother.I hope you enjoy! :)

Becky Orton! Becky is a 45yo mother, CrossFitter, and member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I met Becky while coaching at CrossFit Juggernaut in NH before entering medical school: she and her daughter would workout together and I initially thought they were sisters! A testament to her energy and love of life.During this conversation, we discuss motherhood and the story of her eight children (four biological and four adoptive), the experience of losing Ben, and the rewards of fostering medically fragile children.I hope you enjoy! :)

Michael Vasconez! Michael is a 31yo lifestyle coach, USMC combat veteran, and philosopher. I enjoy flotation therapy regularly at Michael’s home, and find a kindred spirit in him. During this conversation, we discuss why he pressed people’s buttons as an adolescent, how his brother’s suicide drove him into the Marine Corps, and how the plant medicine ayahausca forced him to confront his years of infidelity and begin a new chapter with his spouse.I hope you enjoy! :)

Lucy Horton! Lucy is a 72yo hippy, an activist, and an entrepreneur. I met Lucy through an attending physician, Dr. Dehoff, and I am glad to bring her perspective to the podcast. During this conversation, we discuss her cross country ramblings as a young hippy, her 15yrs on a commune in Vermont with 18 other people, joining an Episcopal Church because she wanted to attend school on Sundays, and serving as a volunteer escort for women’s health clinics.I hope you enjoy! :)

Michael Douglas! Michael is a 53yo primitive skills teacher, community mentor, and educator. I met him at his Maine Primitive Skills School and have been following his work ever since. We do not discuss the decade-old charge against him: please listen to the intro for further details. During this conversation, we discuss the importance of shared story, how community reverses entropy, and why the sacred question should guide us all.I hope you enjoy! :)

Rashad Malik Davis! Rashad is a 26yo creative, lover of stories, and story-teller. I met Rashad during my undergraduate years at Tufts University, and I’ve quietly kept tabs on him ever since. He recently published his first illustrated children’s book, Carefree Like Me!, one that I highly recommend reading as he promotes empathy, compassion, and diversity through a heartfelt story. In this conversation, we discuss the painful genesis and healing journey of his book, his deeply rooted spirituality, and the importance of representation in the stories that we tell.I hope you enjoy! :)

Camille Culbreath! Camille is a 27yo unexpected mama and comedian. Camille jumped on my radar this past Mother’s Day with a post about her son, Arthur, and the story of his birth via cryptic pregnancy.During this conversation, we discuss how she thought she was dying when she was actually very pregnant, how her brother’s unexpected death separated her family, and how this unanticipated bundle of joy reunified her family.I hope you enjoy! :)

Tasia Percevecz! Tasia is a 28yo athlete, coach, and believer. Tasia recently competed in the 2018 CrossFit Games and placed first with the CrossFit Mayhem Freedom team. In this conversation, we discuss the High, Low, Buffalo of the CrossFit Games, how an abusive relationship now allows her to connect with fellow humans, and her single mother’s strength as she mourned the death of her siblings.I hope you enjoy! :)

Scott H! Scott is a 30yo follower of Christ, family medicine resident, and realist. In the two years since our first conversation, he has experienced a truly wild ride to earn the title of physician.During this interview, we discuss the lows associated with failing two board exams, how identifying with his faith kept him above water, and why he never considered himself a suicide risk when he wasn’t sure he would graduate medical school.

Pamela Wible! Pamela is a 51yo family medicine physician, emotional bungee jumper, and expert on physician suicide. I met Pamela as a keynote speaker on the topic of why doctors are killing themselves. We caught up and decided to record an interview for the podcast!During this conversation, we discuss her fondest childhood memories in a morgue with her father, how a pediatrician’s funeral service woke her up to the epidemic of physician suicide, and why she released her book on Juneteenth with endless optimism for a day that can change everything.I hope you enjoy!

Nate Baker! Nate is a 33yo emergency medicine resident physician, father of three, and purple heart recipient for wounds received in combat. I have known Nate since the very first days of medical school: he is a passionate and logical fellow who loves to challenge the status quo.During this conversation, we discuss the value of song to change our mental state, his experience as a wounded infantryman, and what heaven means for a problem-solver.I hope you enjoy!

Dayana Pereira! Dayana is a 43yo Feldenkrais practitioner, co-parent, and transplant from Uruguay. I met Dayana, without actually introducing myself, while we alternated between the sauna and ice bath at her healing and wellness center, Koru Real Wellness.During this conversation, we discuss the tension between her strict religious school upbringing and the Uruguayan wilderness, the difference between reverence and spirituality, and how working as a living statue in Australia taught her the importance of breath.I hope you enjoy!

Nicho Watts! Nicho is a 30yo father, Christian, and trader. I grew up with Nicho as a childhood friend and we have been loosely following each other since high school graduation.During this conversation, we discuss his return to Christianity, the importance of stories and archetypes for a developing mind, and why he wants his death to feel like taking off a watch.I hope you enjoy!

Suzie Marschhausen! Suzie is a 28yo mother, writer, and coach. I attended high school with Suzie and have been watching her personal and spiritual journey from afar. During this conversation, we discuss her recent Ayahuasca ceremony, the difficulty of releasing attachment as a new parent, and how the pain of abandonment takes on a new meaning for her.I hope you enjoy!

Adam Arazi! Adam is a 30yo traveler, dog-father, and son. I have known Adam for almost a decade and we have both changed dramatically over this time. Shockingly, his father died unexpectedly 10days after recording this interview. During this conversation, we discuss his existential confusion, why he may expatriate to the Philippines, and why he intentionally does not think about sudden death.I hope you enjoy!

Chloe Costigan! Chloe is a 31yo physical therapist, teacher, and half-orphan. I met Chloe while interviewing her husband, John Giacalone, and quickly realized she’d be a wonderful guest. During this conversation, we discuss what makes a good clinician, why she considered herself a flight risk, and how she has been shaped by the death of her father at an early age.I hope you enjoy!

Eugene Kim Once Again! Eugene is a 29yo student, recorder, and gamer. In the nearly three years since his original interview, Eugene has been physically much closer to life and death. During this conversation, we talk about everything from: being indoor humans and how one day we might be more apelike to the game of Go/Baduk. The importance of connectedness and community shine throughout our conversation with an optimistic look forwards toward his future as a psychiatrist, father, and human.I hope you enjoy!

Mackenzi Kim Returns! Mackenzi is a 27yo mother, 4th year medical student, and future family medicine physician. In the intervening three years since her initial interview (the first ever On Death episode!), she dove headfirst into a relationship, married her partner, and birthed a wonderful son.During this emotionally vulnerable conversation, we discuss her lessons from the deaths of family members, what she has learned from a few months of motherhood, and how she imagines a wonderful reunion with loved ones after death.I hope you enjoy!

This week, I tease a bit of the upcoming 2019 Season of the On Death Podcast! During this solo-cast, I review some of the changes in my life this past winter. Then, I provide some sneak previews into the 2019 Season ahead. Happy Spring! I hope that your year is off to a strong period of growth.I hope you enjoy!

Jim Goodreau! Jim is a 71yo retired vascular surgeon, Air Force brat, and grieving father. I met Jim as a coach for my medical school program, SELECT, and I’ve been itching to sit down with him to dig through his rich and profound life experiences. During this conversation, we discuss his time as a Naval surgeon covering a huge swath of patients, his two strokes, and the immense losses of two of his sons.I hope you enjoy!

Bansi Savla! Bansi is a medical student, a Jain, and an incredibly thoughtful 22-year-old. During this lovely conversation, we talk about time, death, her faith, all in a way that is relatable and digs at essential truths.I hope you enjoy!

Michael Caron! Michael is a 40yo father, coach, and motivator. I met Michael while at a yoga teacher training and we have kept in touch ever since. I chose this time to interview him because of the recent birth of his son, Stadler, who was 1mo old at the time.We dive deep into one of the hardest months of his life, with the death of a life-long friend as a result of brain cancer and the loss of his matriarch grandmother. He read the eulogy at both services and I’m sure the stories will leave an impression on you, like they did me.Additionally during this energizing conversation, we discuss his formative years through a semester at sea, the wonder of being a new father while being present for a stepdaughter, and his philosophy on leadership and self-development.I hope you enjoy!

Ayden LeRoux! Ayden is a 29yo artist, writer, and BRCA1+ human. I’ve known Ayden since my grade school days where we won a swing dancing competition together and we haven’t spoken for almost half a decade, this interview served a chance to catch up and see where life has taken us. During this conversation, we discuss the intertwining of science and magic to predict her future health, Land Art installations as spirituality, and how a partner changes our plans for death.I hope you enjoy!

Kristen Prosen! Kristen is a 26yo herbalist, yoga teacher, and scared white woman. I've had the pleasure of learning Thai yoga massage from her and she teaches with grace and understanding. In this conversation, we discuss the universal relationship of plants, activism through addressing cultural bias, and the death of her grandmother.I hope you enjoy!

This week, I reflect on the first discrete season of the On Death Podcast!During this solo-cast, I review the 19 wonderful and intimate interviews that comprised this 2018 Season. Then, I provide some sneak previews into the 2019 Season ahead.Happy Winter Solstice! I hope that your year dies gracefully and your year begins well.

Becky Orton! Becky is a 45yo mother, CrossFitter, and member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I met Becky while coaching at CrossFit Juggernaut in NH before entering medical school: she and her daughter would workout together and I initially thought they were sisters! A testament to her energy and love of life.During this conversation, we discuss motherhood and the story of her eight children (four biological and four adoptive), the experience of losing Ben, and the rewards of fostering medically fragile children.I hope you enjoy!

Jerel Mair Once Again! Jerel is a 30yo follower of Christ, soon-to-be physician, and black man. Since the initial interview two and a half years ago, Jerel has joined the workforce and is currently preparing for the MCAT to enter medical school.During this conversation, we discuss the trap of the greasy rope, why he revels in talking to other humans, and what he learned from the deaths of his grandparents who served as his parents.I hope you enjoy!

Camille Imbo! Camille is a 26yo OB/GYN resident physician and suicide survivor. Between the August 2017 initial interview and this conversation, Camille has finished medical school, attempted suicide, and begun her intern year of residency. We discuss the challenge of asking for help when you know how the system works, why the two interviews feel like two separate people, and how she has grown so much in only a year.I hope you enjoy!

Randall Sheffield! Randall is a 29yo doctor of physical therapy, yogi, and friend. Since our previous conversation about 18mo ago, Randall has graduated from PT school, developed himself spiritually, and stepped into his role as a speaker and teacher. During this conversation, we discuss how Gainesville, FL kicked off his spiritual journey, why he hasn’t touched a barbell in weeks, and Randall relates a recent brush with mortality off the beach of Costa Rica.I hope you enjoy!

Ashley Caron! Ashley is a 36yo Burly human, athlete, and badass mom. I met Ashley through her spouse, Michael, a previous interviewee on the podcast who is equally motivated and inspirational. During this conversation, we discuss the challenges of motherhood at 26 versus 36, the early death of her uncle, and why she wants desserts on her deathbed.I hope you enjoy!