Opening Up: behind the scenes of our open marriage

Nikki and John open up about why we chose to open our marriage, our relationship history and what baggage we bring to the table.

This week, Nikki thrives on the energy of possibility, but forgot what it felt like to have possibility crushed. John, on the other hand, fights the green eyed monster, Jealousy and thinks about what he wants to do in the following week. 

This week, Nikki got rejected and John wasn't sure what to do about feeling like her backup plan. We talk with our friends, think about our families and dig deep to get to the root of our feeling of jealousy.

This week, we discuss the biggest fight we've had in years. We open up about why it happened, what we could have done differently, how we deescalaed and where it leaves us now. In happier news, John joined OK Cupid (and even liked some people) and we both review the lessons we've learned in our first month of our open marriage.

This is a week of firsts: John set up his first date and Nikki slept with the first new person in more than seven years! John asks Nikki hardball questions about regrets and we dig into the difference between envy and jealousy.

Nicky and John open up about infidelity in our relationship, including our grey areas. John asks Nikki point blank if she regrets having sex with M.  Nikki gets a major case of the Jellos while John mis-set expectations and we discuss what we could have done differently. 

John & Nikki ask the question, 6 weeks in, do we actually want to have an open marriage? We ask each other this question because of a comment from John, without any discussion in advance. We discuss all kinds of flavors of non-monogamy, including open relationships, swinging, kink based relationships, polyamory and the costs and benefits of monogamy. 

Nikki & John start by answering a tough question from one of you! Then we open up about our experiment with kinky sex (it had been a while!) and finally we both gush about repeat dates. We also ask what it means to start developing intimacy with other people and how we will handle it together.

This week John and Nikki open up about John's kink, including all the history, baggage and how they hope to move forward. Warning: spoilers: John's kink is autogynephilia, or AGP, which is the idea of transforming into being a woman and having sex as a woman. We discuss his sexual addiction, his draw to cross dressing and submissive sex, his gender dysphoria, his challenges with his gender identity and his tough decision around gender transitions and becoming a transwoman. Finally, we tackle what his sexual identity looks like today, what it means in the context of our relationship and what it could mean for the future. Its a long one.

In week 9, we think back to our very first conversations about opening up our relationship, talk about the last two weeks of our dating life and reflect on what the kink episode has meant for our relationship... and our sex life!

In week 10, John has a big first date, Nikki brings A to the house and John & Nikki have yet another big and very draining fight... It was a long hard week. We're pretty glad its over.

This week, John had a magical second date, Nikki got really serious with A. (Yes! Nikki had sex with a woman for the very first time!) And, the two of us snuck away for a very sexy, very relaxing, very much needed weekend away.

This week Nikki has been feeling really disconnected, John goes on another great date and we tackle a tricky situation: what to do about dating exes. Nikki & John talk about Nikki's date with 'the big Indian dude' and how it was different from other dates she's been on. And, Nikki shares her FAVORITE question for difficult feelings of all kinds!

We can't believe we've opened our marriage for three whole months! In this episode, we cover everything we've done right... everything we'd do differently and where we think we're headed now. John gives some advice to 3 months ago Nikki... and she returns the favor. And, of course, we dish on our biggest surprises -- good and bad. And we laughed. Of course we laughed!

We are so happy to be back! We have so much to catch up on this episode. We look back on all of our dating adventures, look forward to where we are heading in our relationship, dish all about meeting the meta-mours (and all the emotions that came with) and John shares his poly new year's resolution!

This week we're diving deep into two very big things. First, and most exciting, John finally had sex with J! We go into all the details and find out how its different, how he feels after and how it affected Nikki. Then we talk about a fight we had after the fact... but its not about what you might guess!

In this episode, John & Nikki debate the ins and outs of all the labels in non-monogamy (polycules, relationship anarchy and swinging oh my!) and how much Nikki hates labels anyways. We also answer a question from you about why oral and penetrative sex are different, how we decide when to have sex with other people and where we hope that our relationships will go in the coming months!

This week, Nikki & John talk about the tough week they had personally. John shares his surprising take away from when Nikki met a handsome man with him and Nikki talks about her complacency to go out and meet people.

This week, Nikki and John reconnected and found ways to feel much better and more connected in their relationship, including a wonderful Saturday spent exploring and starting new projects. Nikki bemoans a sour date and John talks about how he feels a little bored and complacent.

This week John & Nikki talk about their struggles with their relationship being positive, but feeling flat. And, together, they make plans to change that. They also talk everything dating app and some of their recent moves to get out into the dating scene a little more. As Nikki says, sometimes, when it rains it pours. 

Nikki & John dive in to everything that's happened in the last six weeks: visits from parents, failed dates, our interactions with liars and our sex life. Nikki gets real about confidence and expectations. John talked about his relationship with Puppy J and how its evolving. And together they tackle the big, sticky question of what to do when being non-monogamous is good for one person... but not for the other.

This week Nikki gets worked up about the generally accepted wisdom that you can't be successful at an open marriage, non-monogamy or polyamory if your sex life isn't great. Nikki & John discuss when you probably can and when you probably can't help your relationship... and your sex life! Nikki gushes about new crushes on OK Cupid, her new favorite dating app and John shares a story about a woman's expectations that turned him off.  Have questions, comments? Send us an email! OpeningUpPodcast@gmail.com

John and Nikki have started their vacation! For the next month, we are focusing on improving our sex life, pleasure and sexual communication. We're sharing the results of a sexual compatibility test and talking about the vanilla and kinky things that we'll try. We also share some wise words from one of you and why they matter to us! And, in exciting news, Nikki finally found a concept and vocabulary for her to use about her proclivities for BDSM. Its a sexy one. **OpeningUpPodcast@gmail.com

Hola from Espana! John & Nikki have been having an amazing time with friends and family... but that's meant less time for exploring their coupled sexuality than they want. Nikki has some real thoughts about their porn watching experiments -- and some ideas about what they could do next time. John feels really proud of his experience in a sex shop and shares what toy he's excited to try out. And finally, John & Nikki share their next experiment for enjoying and expanding their married sex life.

This week we talk to you from Madrid! We give you an update on our sex everyday experiment. John dishes about 'El Torro', his new sex toy. Nikki shares her experiences with vacation sex -- when its good and... well, not. We discuss non-sexual intimacy of the physical variety and how we fare at it. But best of all, don't miss the surprise that the Madrid park had for John! It left us laughing.

This week we say hello from Granada, where John suffered with food poisoning and Nikki got chastised by a random couple. We discuss how feeling emotionally intimate affects our sex life (and how we react differently to the distance), wether or not we hit our sex goals, what we want to change when we go home and Nikki shares a naughty story about orgasming in a public sauna! Madre mio!