The entire Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy, read by the author. "A masterpiece of American humor." Los Angeles Times
DICK AND JANE returned, as they had said they would, and Albertine gave them their old room, as she had said she would, but it wasn't the same as it had been when they left it, because during their absence Alice had redecorated it . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
WHEN I FINISHED, I said, “I would like to say a little something about getting caught up in one's own work, something I sometimes call the art of self-deception. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
MY AUDIENCE for “Refinements and Improvements,” episode forty-three of Dead Air, consisted of the remaining inmates — Lou, Elaine, Clark and Alice, Artie and Nancy, Louise and Miranda, Tony T and Cutie, Loretta, Theodore and Carolina, Mark, Margot, Martha, Martha and Edward, Margot and Daniel, and five lingering dinner guests. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
ONE STEP FORWARD, one step back. With two clients for Memoirs While You Wait, I spent hours planning how to deal with the crush of new clients that was clearly on its way, or would be on its way just as soon as Manuel and Porky did their word-of-mouth work. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
IN BED, Albertine asked, “Do you know where the word camouflage comes from, my sweet?” I said, “No, ma petite. I confess that I do not, but I imagine that you are going to tell me that it comes from the name of one of your countrymen, a Capitaine Camouffe who dressed in leafy green and woodsy brown so that he could hide in the trees and bushes when Napoleon was looking for volunteers to lead the Russian campaign.” . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
THE FISH had begun to smell by the time I read episode forty-two of Dead Air, “Playing to the House.” The odor hadn't penetrated the hotel yet, but I knew from experience that it would the next day. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
THE LAST GROUP of potential buyers for the hotel arrived early in the morning. (I call them the last group of potential buyers because two days later I persuaded Lou to buy the place.) Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
Peter has made a start on Kap'n Klam: The Memoirs of Porky White, Nonpareil American Restaurateur, Entrepreneur, and Raconteur, As Told to Peter Leroy. So far he has only two episodes. The second episode was an attempt to get some of Porky's wit and wisdom into the book. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
I MADE A START on Kap'n Klam: The Memoirs of Porky White, Nonpareil American Restaurateur, Entrepreneur, and Raconteur, As Told to Peter Leroy that very night. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
JUST BEFORE I began reading “The Art of Obvious Subtlety,” episode forty-one of Dead Air, a guest arrived from out of the past. He slipped into the back of the room — as well as a big man with a face familiar to millions can slip into a room — and settled himself into a wing chair. He gave me a wave, and I returned it, and then I read. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
I BEGAN THE DAY in my cave, at my computer, working on the forty-first episode of Dead Air, but when I took a break to get a second cup of coffee from the kitchen, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
AFTER THE READING, I delivered an advertisement for myself. “I've been in the memoir racket for as long as I can remember,” I said, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
THAT NIGHT, I read episode forty of Dead Air, “Hardly Working.” . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
WITH THE GENERATORS supplying the power, I was able to get Memoirs While You Wait off the ground. I printed a stack of flyers on my Little Giant LG-6000 laser printer and wrote an advertisement for the classified sections of popular magazines that I thought were likely to reach the segments of the population most likely to yield clients: . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
I HELD MY HANDS UP to forestall the applause that would probably otherwise have drowned me out and said, “You may be asking yourself, ‘What on earth made those kids think that they could dig a cave?' . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
FOR MY READING of “The Hole and the Hill,” episode thirty-nine of Dead Air, I had quite a sizable audience. The Friday turnout for dinner and drinks was very good, and we acquired seven new resident guests in the afternoon . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
AN EARNEST YOUNG COUPLE, Theodore (“Don't call me Ted”) and Carolina (“With an a”), friends of friends of Lou's, arrived in the morning with a couple of small gasoline generators to provide electricity for the island temporarily . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME reading to this group. They were shy about responding at first, but when I began hamming it up a little more than usual they began to realize that they could laugh, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
WHEN I WAS A BOY, I was for a while the head of a broadcasting network that stretched from one end of my home town to the other. It consisted of 107 small radio transmitters built from kits. Mine was the parent station, WPLR; the other 106 were repeater stations that extended my transmitter's range like a string of pearls. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
WE WERE STILL POWERLESS by mid-morning, when Ms. Fletcher-Hackford's seventh-grade English class from the Babbington Central Upper Middle School arrived. Their visit had been planned some time ago, and I had forgotten all about it, which meant, of course, that I had forgotten to prepare anything for it. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
I HAD HOPED to begin putting my salesmanship to work on Lou that night, but he stood behind the bar in unwonted silence, looking for all the world like a grumpy guy. My instincts told me that the direct approach wasn't going to work; I was going to have to be subtle. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
WE DINED BY CANDLELIGHT that evening, and by candlelight I read episode thirty-seven of Dead Air, “Act Now! Offer Limited!” . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
In Episode 3, “Simulations” Albertine asks, “Are we living in a simulation?” and Peter asks, “Where are the martinis?” Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
THIS IS THE STORY of the death of Rockwell Kingman. Like every success story, it begins with a need. In this case, the need was money. That need had driven me into the dark recesses of my mind, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
BALDY THE DUMMY'S closing story that night was the one that Albertine told me Lou had read on the porch, about the twelve-year-old girl who killed herself with a single gunshot to the head. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
FOR MY THIRTY-SIXTH READING from Dead Air, “The Relay System,” I was in a very good mood, a little high on hope. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
I SAT AT MY COMPUTER, staring at the screen and writing nothing. I spent an hour that way, and then I turned the thing off and went to the kitchen for some coffee. The other early risers were in the lounge, but I avoided them. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
ALBERTINE sat at her vanity, looking through a photograph album. I looked over her shoulder. A depression was coming over us. I could feel it, not only in myself, but in her, too. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
MY READING of the thirty-fifth episode of Dead Air, “Thank You for Letting Me into Your Home,” was preceded by the first dinner that Louise and Miranda had prepared entirely on their own, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
PIANO MOVERS, sent by Steinway at Albertine's request, came and took her piano away. They left her a check for what it was worth to Steinway, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
VERY EARLY in the morning, I was at my computer working on Murder While You Wait. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
“YOU THINK you still owe him an apology?” asked Artie. “Matthew, I mean.” “Yes, I think so,” I said. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
I TRIED to persuade Matthew and Effie to stay for my thirty-fourth reading from Dead Air, “The Persistence of Memory,” because it was one of two episodes — the other being number forty-nine, “Shame on Me” — that I would have wanted Matthew, especially, to hear, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
Episode 2: “Keep Moving” in which Peter suggests that he could build a shed. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
BRIGHT AND EARLY, Tony T brought two realtors and a chubby couple in identical nylon suits of the type that used to be called jogging suits, and may still be called jogging suits for all I know, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
“THE STORY BEGINS on a cold winter's night in Charlestown — part of Boston — where I was running along a dark street, breathing hard. I had been in a fight, which isn't like me . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
AFTER THE READING, I stood Matthew and Effie to a round of drinks. (To be completely honest about it, I ordered drinks from Lou with the expectation that I would never have to pay for them.) . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
THE TWO NEW GUESTS were a couple. They took the smallest of the cottages, and for my reading of episode thirty-three of Dead Air, “101 Fascinating Electronics Projects,” they sat right up front, displacing Manuel Pedrera. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
WE HAD the busiest Saturday we had had in a very long time, and if I had not come to believe that every new guest was more money lost, I would have thought that we were making progress, but I had come around to that point of view. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
WHILE THE RECORDING was playing at Small's, Albertine and I were touring “Summerset,” which the owners called a bed-and-breakfast, employing the obvious irony of deliberate understatement. We tried to keep our mouths from hanging open, but it wasn't easy. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
NATURALLY, the people who ate their clam fritters within the low-anxiety zone surrounding the flying-saucer detector at Kap'n Klam, secure in the knowledge that there were no saucers in the immediate vicinity, wanted detectors of their own for home use. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
I TRIED TO RECORD my reading of episode thirty-two of Dead Air, “Beyond the Firelight Lies Endless Darkness,” but I failed. I owned four tape recorders of various degrees of sophistication, but I couldn't get one of them to make a decent recording. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
WHILE CIRCUMAMBULATING the island in the morning, I came upon Ray Pedrera. He was standing with his hands in his pockets, looking at the wavelets lapping at his feet. To my eye, he looked uninspired. “Morning,” I said, as I approached. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
BALDY THE DUMMY said, “Let's try this, boys and girls: sit up in bed for a minute, okay?” “Yeah,” said Bob. “Not you, Bob. I'm talking to my vast unseen listening audience, out there in the dark. Are you sitting up, boys and girls?” . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
FOR MY READING of “Up the On-Ramp to the Road to Riches,” episode thirty-one of Dead Air, Manuel — that is, Ray — sat virtually at my elbow, and he took notes. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
THIS WAS A BUSY DAY for all of us. After writing, I spent most of the day at the dock, repairing and patching and reinforcing, and chatting with Tony T, who was working on the launch, trying to find the source of a gas leak . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
AFTER I'D HAD A BALDY and slipped into a confessional mood, I said, “I have to admit that I have never understood what Baldy meant when he said that I got the joke. In fact, to be completely honest about it, I don't think I even know what the joke is. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
MY READING of “Butts of the Joke,” the thirtieth episode of Dead Air, was interrupted after the first paragraph, as you will see. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM — though it might be more accurate to call it a “laundry nook,” since it is a corner of a corner of the cellar, a dark, dolorous place that some employees, back when we used to have some employees, refused to visit on the grounds that it was “spooky” . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
ALBERTINE WAS STILL IN BED when I returned to the bedroom after writing. She had the covers pulled up to her chin, and she was lying on her back staring at the ceiling. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe
WHEN I FINISHED READING, I remained standing in my reading spot beside the fire, and I said, “If I may be permitted to say something slightly sentimental — a great sin in our cynical times — I would like to thank all of you for being here and listening to me, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe