The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy

WE WERE STILL POWERLESS by mid-morning, when Ms. Fletcher-Hackford's seventh-grade English class from the Babbington Central Upper Middle School arrived. Their visit had been planned some time ago, and I had forgotten all about it, which meant, of course, that I had forgotten to prepare anything for it. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

I HAD HOPED to begin putting my salesmanship to work on Lou that night, but he stood behind the bar in unwonted silence, looking for all the world like a grumpy guy. My instincts told me that the direct approach wasn't going to work; I was going to have to be subtle. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

WE DINED BY CANDLELIGHT that evening, and by candlelight I read episode thirty-seven of Dead Air, “Act Now! Offer Limited!” . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

In Episode 3, “Simulations” Albertine asks, “Are we living in a simulation?” and Peter asks, “Where are the martinis?” Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THIS IS THE STORY of the death of Rockwell Kingman. Like every success story, it begins with a need. In this case, the need was money. That need had driven me into the dark recesses of my mind, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

BALDY THE DUMMY'S closing story that night was the one that Albertine told me Lou had read on the porch, about the twelve-year-old girl who killed herself with a single gunshot to the head. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

FOR MY THIRTY-SIXTH READING from Dead Air, “The Relay System,” I was in a very good mood, a little high on hope. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

I SAT AT MY COMPUTER, staring at the screen and writing nothing. I spent an hour that way, and then I turned the thing off and went to the kitchen for some coffee. The other early risers were in the lounge, but I avoided them. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

ALBERTINE sat at her vanity, looking through a photograph album. I looked over her shoulder. A depression was coming over us. I could feel it, not only in myself, but in her, too. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

MY READING of the thirty-fifth episode of Dead Air, “Thank You for Letting Me into Your Home,” was preceded by the first dinner that Louise and Miranda had prepared entirely on their own, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

PIANO MOVERS, sent by Steinway at Albertine's request, came and took her piano away. They left her a check for what it was worth to Steinway, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

VERY EARLY in the morning, I was at my computer working on Murder While You Wait. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

“YOU THINK you still owe him an apology?” asked Artie. “Matthew, I mean.” “Yes, I think so,” I said. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

I TRIED to persuade Matthew and Effie to stay for my thirty-fourth reading from Dead Air, “The Persistence of Memory,” because it was one of two episodes — the other being number forty-nine, “Shame on Me” — that I would have wanted Matthew, especially, to hear, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

Episode 2: “Keep Moving” in which Peter suggests that he could build a shed. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

BRIGHT AND EARLY, Tony T brought two realtors and a chubby couple in identical nylon suits of the type that used to be called jogging suits, and may still be called jogging suits for all I know, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

“THE STORY BEGINS on a cold winter's night in Charlestown — part of Boston — where I was running along a dark street, breathing hard. I had been in a fight, which isn't like me . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

AFTER THE READING, I stood Matthew and Effie to a round of drinks. (To be completely honest about it, I ordered drinks from Lou with the expectation that I would never have to pay for them.) . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THE TWO NEW GUESTS were a couple. They took the smallest of the cottages, and for my reading of episode thirty-three of Dead Air, “101 Fascinating Electronics Projects,” they sat right up front, displacing Manuel Pedrera. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

WE HAD the busiest Saturday we had had in a very long time, and if I had not come to believe that every new guest was more money lost, I would have thought that we were making progress, but I had come around to that point of view. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

WHILE THE RECORDING was playing at Small's, Albertine and I were touring “Summerset,” which the owners called a bed-and-breakfast, employing the obvious irony of deliberate understatement. We tried to keep our mouths from hanging open, but it wasn't easy. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

NATURALLY, the people who ate their clam fritters within the low-anxiety zone surrounding the flying-saucer detector at Kap'n Klam, secure in the knowledge that there were no saucers in the immediate vicinity, wanted detectors of their own for home use. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

I TRIED TO RECORD my reading of episode thirty-two of Dead Air, “Beyond the Firelight Lies Endless Darkness,” but I failed. I owned four tape recorders of various degrees of sophistication, but I couldn't get one of them to make a decent recording. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

WHILE CIRCUMAMBULATING the island in the morning, I came upon Ray Pedrera. He was standing with his hands in his pockets, looking at the wavelets lapping at his feet. To my eye, he looked uninspired. “Morning,” I said, as I approached. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

BALDY THE DUMMY said, “Let's try this, boys and girls: sit up in bed for a minute, okay?” “Yeah,” said Bob. “Not you, Bob. I'm talking to my vast unseen listening audience, out there in the dark. Are you sitting up, boys and girls?” . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

FOR MY READING of “Up the On-Ramp to the Road to Riches,” episode thirty-one of Dead Air, Manuel — that is, Ray — sat virtually at my elbow, and he took notes. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THIS WAS A BUSY DAY for all of us. After writing, I spent most of the day at the dock, repairing and patching and reinforcing, and chatting with Tony T, who was working on the launch, trying to find the source of a gas leak . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

AFTER I'D HAD A BALDY and slipped into a confessional mood, I said, “I have to admit that I have never understood what Baldy meant when he said that I got the joke. In fact, to be completely honest about it, I don't think I even know what the joke is. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

MY READING of “Butts of the Joke,” the thirtieth episode of Dead Air, was interrupted after the first paragraph, as you will see. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM — though it might be more accurate to call it a “laundry nook,” since it is a corner of a corner of the cellar, a dark, dolorous place that some employees, back when we used to have some employees, refused to visit on the grounds that it was “spooky” . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

ALBERTINE WAS STILL IN BED when I returned to the bedroom after writing. She had the covers pulled up to her chin, and she was lying on her back staring at the ceiling. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

WHEN I FINISHED READING, I remained standing in my reading spot beside the fire, and I said, “If I may be permitted to say something slightly sentimental — a great sin in our cynical times — I would like to thank all of you for being here and listening to me, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THAT EVENING, I read episode twenty-nine of Dead Air, “Bedroom Suits,” to an audience that was not, even though water was still being rationed and we had no working washing machines, noticeably more odoriferous than any of the audiences for any of my previous readings. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

“DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING about this ‘Manuel Pedrera'?” I asked Albertine. “Nothing much,” she said. “He's a cute little guy, though.” “I think he's a phony of some kind,” I said. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

“ISN'T IT FUNNY the way we don't sound like ourselves when we hear ourselves on a tape recorder — not to ourselves, I mean?” asked Nancy. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

ON MONDAY NIGHTS, we don't get much of a dinner-and-drinks crowd, and on this Monday night we didn't get any dinner-and-drinks crowd at all. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

“LANA CALLED,” Albertine said, “and she thinks that we just might hook the water-sports consortium if we lower the asking price.” “How much?” “She doesn't know, and she wouldn't guess, but she said there is only one way to increase our chances of selling, and that is to lower the price.” . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

ROCKWELL KINGMAN was steamed. He was having a very bad day. He had missed a target. That was not a good thing. It was the kind of thing that could ruin a career. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THE RECEPTION WAS rowdy. The tip of the consortium was plastered. They kept shouting “Mosh! Mosh!” and trying to persuade Lana to get up onto the bar and jump onto their outstretched hands, and when she refused they tried Albertine, and when she refused they tried Cutie, and when Tony T threatened to rearrange their faces, they feigned terror and began shouting “Encore!” in my direction. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THE TIP OF THE CONSORTIUM stayed for my reading, and they insisted that Lana stay with them, so I had an audience of twenty for my reading of “Enough Is Enough,” the twenty-seventh episode of Dead Air. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

ANOTHER OF THE REALTORS, Lana, brought a group of potential buyers to the island. They came in their own boat, one of those long, powerful speedboats modeled on offshore racers, the kind that my friend Mark Dorset, the unaffiliated psychosociologist, calls a penis boat. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

BALDY THE DUMMY ended his program that night with a story that began with a question, his favorite kind of question. “Have you ever wondered what evil looks like, boys and girls?” He waited a moment, gave his listening audience a moment of dead air, so that we could answer, “Yeah.” . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

I READ “Filling Time,” the twenty-sixth episode of Dead Air, to a good crowd, but as I looked out over their faces I couldn't help seeing them as agents of destruction, people who were going to make messes and break things and cost us money. . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

I'VE SAID IT BEFORE: imagination can be a curse. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

AFTER THE READING, and after some discussion of the reading, I made my way to the bar, where I ordered a drink from Lou. When he handed it to me, I leaned across the bar and said, “We have to talk.” . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THAT EVENING, I read “Testing, Testing,” episode twenty-five of Dead Air, to an audience of thirty-four — Albertine, Suki, Lou, Elaine, Clark and Alice, Artie and Nancy, Otto and Esther, Louise and Miranda, Tony T and Cutie, and twenty daytrippers. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

WHEN I WENT DOWN to the dock to pump the launch dry, I found that someone was already there. From a distance, he looked like a hood from my school days. (If you were not around during my school days, reader, you may not know that hoods were bad boys, or boys who wanted to be mistaken for bad boys. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

“THERE ACTUALLY IS a drink called a hurricane,” said Lou, filling a line of glasses along the bar, “but I tried it and I didn't like it, so this is my version of it, the Hurricane Lou.” Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THE WIND was still roaring in the evening, the tide was still high, the basement was completely flooded, the cabins were partly submerged, and our island was only a fraction of its usual size, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THE WORST of the hurricane struck us in the night. The winds roared, the shutters banged, the doors shook in their frames. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

LYING IN BED, waiting for the storm to strike, I was struck again by the astonishing discovery that there really is no fool like an old fool, and by the more astonishing discovery that I had become one — not so much because I was willing to sell without making a profit, but because I had bought something that I couldn't even sell at a loss. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe