The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy

“ISN'T IT FUNNY the way we don't sound like ourselves when we hear ourselves on a tape recorder — not to ourselves, I mean?” asked Nancy. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

ON MONDAY NIGHTS, we don't get much of a dinner-and-drinks crowd, and on this Monday night we didn't get any dinner-and-drinks crowd at all. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

“LANA CALLED,” Albertine said, “and she thinks that we just might hook the water-sports consortium if we lower the asking price.” “How much?” “She doesn't know, and she wouldn't guess, but she said there is only one way to increase our chances of selling, and that is to lower the price.” . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

ROCKWELL KINGMAN was steamed. He was having a very bad day. He had missed a target. That was not a good thing. It was the kind of thing that could ruin a career. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THE RECEPTION WAS rowdy. The tip of the consortium was plastered. They kept shouting “Mosh! Mosh!” and trying to persuade Lana to get up onto the bar and jump onto their outstretched hands, and when she refused they tried Albertine, and when she refused they tried Cutie, and when Tony T threatened to rearrange their faces, they feigned terror and began shouting “Encore!” in my direction. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THE TIP OF THE CONSORTIUM stayed for my reading, and they insisted that Lana stay with them, so I had an audience of twenty for my reading of “Enough Is Enough,” the twenty-seventh episode of Dead Air. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

ANOTHER OF THE REALTORS, Lana, brought a group of potential buyers to the island. They came in their own boat, one of those long, powerful speedboats modeled on offshore racers, the kind that my friend Mark Dorset, the unaffiliated psychosociologist, calls a penis boat. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

BALDY THE DUMMY ended his program that night with a story that began with a question, his favorite kind of question. “Have you ever wondered what evil looks like, boys and girls?” He waited a moment, gave his listening audience a moment of dead air, so that we could answer, “Yeah.” . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

I READ “Filling Time,” the twenty-sixth episode of Dead Air, to a good crowd, but as I looked out over their faces I couldn't help seeing them as agents of destruction, people who were going to make messes and break things and cost us money. . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

I'VE SAID IT BEFORE: imagination can be a curse. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

AFTER THE READING, and after some discussion of the reading, I made my way to the bar, where I ordered a drink from Lou. When he handed it to me, I leaned across the bar and said, “We have to talk.” . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THAT EVENING, I read “Testing, Testing,” episode twenty-five of Dead Air, to an audience of thirty-four — Albertine, Suki, Lou, Elaine, Clark and Alice, Artie and Nancy, Otto and Esther, Louise and Miranda, Tony T and Cutie, and twenty daytrippers. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

WHEN I WENT DOWN to the dock to pump the launch dry, I found that someone was already there. From a distance, he looked like a hood from my school days. (If you were not around during my school days, reader, you may not know that hoods were bad boys, or boys who wanted to be mistaken for bad boys. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

“THERE ACTUALLY IS a drink called a hurricane,” said Lou, filling a line of glasses along the bar, “but I tried it and I didn't like it, so this is my version of it, the Hurricane Lou.” Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THE WIND was still roaring in the evening, the tide was still high, the basement was completely flooded, the cabins were partly submerged, and our island was only a fraction of its usual size, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THE WORST of the hurricane struck us in the night. The winds roared, the shutters banged, the doors shook in their frames. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

LYING IN BED, waiting for the storm to strike, I was struck again by the astonishing discovery that there really is no fool like an old fool, and by the more astonishing discovery that I had become one — not so much because I was willing to sell without making a profit, but because I had bought something that I couldn't even sell at a loss. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THE CISTERN was empty. There had to be a leak somewhere. It would have to be fixed, but that would have to wait until the storm had passed. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

I STOOD AT THE WINDOW of my workroom, looking down into the courtyard behind the hotel. It faces southeast, so it catches the sun in the morning, preserving an isolated bit of summer well into fall. Louise and Miranda were out there, taking a break from their kitchen work, sunning themselves, naked. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

ESTHER SAID, “I loved that bit about ‘I'm pregnant and it didn't even wake me up.' “Uh-oh,” said Otto, “I think the conversation is going to take one of those anti-male turns.” . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

I SPENT the rest of the day doing the hundred little chores that consume an assistant innkeeper's day at a failing hotel, chores that leave no visible sign of their having been done, but which if left undone scream, “Look at me, look at me! Fix me, clean me, mend me!” In the evening, I read the twenty-second episode of Dead Air, “No Sale.” Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

HAVING IMAGINED Rockwell Kingman, I seemed to be stuck with him, and he was becoming annoying. He wouldn't dance to my tune. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

WHEN I CAME TO BED, Albertine was reading, quite openly, the latest issue of Manhattan magazine. “Listen to this,” she said. “It's my horoscope: . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

I USED TO ENJOY Mondays on the island. The weekend guests would be gone, and everyone who remained — guests, staff, owners — would feel liberated by their departure, enough to be lazy all day, figuring that there were four more before the next weekend arrived. That was in the days before the dredging, of course, and in the days when I still expected the hotel to succeed eventually. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

I EXPECTED the dredge to be gone when I walked out onto the porch. It wasn't. I think I was relieved, but I was also disappointed, and although I am not quite certain about my being relieved, I am quite certain about my being disappointed. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

“HOW OLD would Mrs. Jerrold be now?” asked Louise. I glanced at Albertine before answering. She smiled; neither of us winked. “Well,” I said, “she was about seventeen years older than I am, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

MY AUDIENCE for the reading of the twentieth episode of Dead Air, “Gratitude,” consisted of the inmates of Small's Hotel (Albertine, Lou, Elaine, Clark and Alice, Artie and Nancy, Otto and Esther, Louise and Miranda), Suki and her boyfriend Daryl, and a quartet of Babbingtonians who stayed on after Sunday dinner. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

LIZA THE REALTOR brought another flock of mixed nuts to the island. Like the earlier shoppers who had come to kick the tires, these people were not interested in running a hotel. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

“LET'S SEE what interesting things are happening outside the cave, boys and girls. Hand me the paper, will you, Bob?” . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

“I CAN'T COUNT the number of times I have calculated money that I haven't earned yet!” said Artie. “You, too, right, Lou?” He pointed at Lou and said to the rest of us, “Of course, my buddy Hamlet usually ends up actually making the money, isn't that right, Lou?” “Yeah,” said Lou. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

I READ episode nineteen of Dead Air, “If Saucers Attack,” to a sizable Saturday audience that probably included a few lawyers and several potential litigants. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THE DEMOLITION MAN arrived in the morning. Lou and I went over in the launch to pick him up. We had expected the man and his wife, but we found six people waiting at the town dock. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

GRUMPY CLUCK SAID, “Somebody should invent a detector that gives a readout on that, what you called the mood of the house. If you could invent a gadget like that, you'd make a lot more than you ever did on flying-saucer detectors.” Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

I REMEMBER the rest of the day as a cacophonous competition between Dexter and Grumpy Cluck, with the nod going to Dexter, who put in an hour's overtime, to the surprise and annoyance of all the inmates, with the possible exception of Alice, who found this development “fascinating,” and recorded it on her chart. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

Chapter 18September 27No Worries, No KiddingALL OF US were on the porch, lined up in our rockers, waiting for Dexter's dredge to start sucking sand and rending the air. When he started it up, we put our earmuffs on and sat there with our breakfast and our aspirin, watching him, at his mercy, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

IN BED that night, however, I couldn't sleep at all. Rain was falling, and the roof was leaking. It wasn't leaking any longer in the spot from which drops fell on my head; now it was leaking in two other places. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

Then I read the seventeenth episode of Dead Air, “Is Anybody Out There?” Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

“BEFORE I BEGIN the next reading from Dead Air,” I said to the group in the lounge after dinner, “I have something more to say about fallout shelters. “ . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

AT ABOUT THREE I gave up trying to get to sleep. I slipped out of bed, dressed in the dark, tiptoed to the door, and pulled it silently shut behind me, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THAT EVENING, in the lounge of an old hotel on a small island artificially infested with feral cats, I read episode sixteen of Dead Air, “Anxiety Pays.” . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

IN THE AFTERNOON, Albertine and I walked the perimeter of the island, along the margin, circumambulating our domain. This walk was once a part of every day, a high point of every day. In our early years here, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THOUGHTS OF GUNS filled most of my morning. The day before, while Elaine had been at the Rush Service office (or, as I learned later, pretending to be at the Rush Service office), I had been at Sun and Surf, choosing guns. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THE GROUP that lingered in the lounge after the reading couldn't get off the topic of fallout shelters. Apparently, I had revived for them an old debate that had been suspended but never concluded, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

AFTER DINNER that night, Elaine distributed gifts. Each of us got a small gaily wrapped box, and she commanded us to open them in unison. In each box was a pair of earmuffs . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

DREDGING did not begin until seven. Albertine had managed to get the Department of Public Works to make Dexter hold off until then. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THE QUIET seemed so precious that we broke it only gently for the rest of the day. All our conversations were conducted in whispers, and although I am generally a spirited reader of my own work, my reading of “Bivalves from Outer Space,” the fourteenth episode of Dead Air, was uncharacteristically subdued. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

HUPPA THUPPA WHUP! Huppa thuppa whup! Huppa thuppa whup! Fizzz. Huppa thuppa whup! Huppa thuppa whup! . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

BALDY closed his show that night with this: “Is this you, boys and girls? You are a refugee, an orphan, somewhere, anywhere, who knows where. You have been orphaned by tribal warfare, because the people of the other tribe hate your tribe because your tribe is not their tribe. Do you understand that? Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

THAT NIGHT'S READING was “Local Boy Snaps Shots,” the thirteenth episode of Dead Air. Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

I SPENT the rest of the morning trapping cats. . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe

IT IS ALWAYS DIFFICULT to pin down the onset of an idea, but I think that it was this morning, when I surprised Albertine in the kitchen, on her hands and knees, scrubbing the floor, . . . Get full access to The Personal History, Adventures, Experiences & Observations of Peter Leroy at peterleroy.substack.com/subscribe