Afterbite

This week on afterbite we say goodbye to the last good season of TVD. Elena's sleepy, Tyler's wolfy, Matt's destined to be a cop now? There's a lot going on here.

We're Jolaric stans for life! Or for the rest of their lives. Or… well… you know...

TVD 06x20 | We continue to be proud haters. Lily makes a promise to Stefan. Alaric and Jo are Loser4Loser.

One thing about Lily Salvatore? She's gonna be a hater and she's gonna cause a kerfuffle. Caroline has an average airbnb experience. Enzo fixes his mommy issues. Damon develops more mommy issues. Perfectly balanced, or whatever.

TVD 06x18 | The Vampire Diaries writers kind of attempt to therapize their characters this week and they're doing a pretty bad job of it! Elena is uncomfortable when we are not about her. We finally get Enzo's full name! There's gay people on screen! Matt's secretly on grindr!

Good throuples and bad throuples abound this episode! Alaric and Enzo have the most efficient character arcs. I cut like 20 minutes of Pretty Little Liars talk, you're welcome.

TVD 06x16 | Bee and Brian have too much fun with soundboards. Caroline is in her villain era. Literally nothing else matters but her evil schemes. Oh, Bonnie and Jeremy break up too but we've been there done that before.

TVD 06x12 | This is the most we've liked Elena in a while. Bonnie's Blair Witchin' it, Damon gives the worst advice in the world, and Lily Salvatore starts her road to girlbossification.

This episode is so cruel. We're gonna cry. Jeremy leaves us but more importantly and heartbreakingly: Liz dies. That's it, that's the description. I'm too sad to write any more. Find us on socials: AfterbitePod

06x13 | Liv's on a sinking ship and she's LOVING IT. Kai makes a personality change. Caroline unearths a body in the woods.

Kai's in a new era, both in his evil and also his sexuality. Delena takes a firm right turn into annoying again. Liz and Caroline break our hearts.

He's gay, he's evil, he's mostly always right. I didn't say his name but he popped into your head, didn't he? Caroline's not in her right mind. Brian's in his synopsis era.

Damon's the voice of reason for once, so color us surprised. Bonnie is doing a Taylor Swift music video. Luke is gay and he's right but that doesn't make him have gay rights.

Caroline's not in this episode so of course crimes occur. Arson, insurance fraud, murder, you name a major crime, we've got it! Tyler's getting back into our good graces, Matt's falling out of them again, and Stefan remains on our shitlist.

Our schedule is changing! We're going to an every other Friday schedule, just to account for the fact that we're all a lot more busy than we've ever been. This week we meet some of our favorite big bads, don't make jokes, and also realize that Joshua Parker is kinda a dilf.

TVD 06x07 | We're back this week and we're thriving! Elena, however, is not. Bonnie also is not thriving. Caroline though? Caroline's thriving.

TVD 06x06 | Bee and Brian are clearly going through it this week, because they say that they kinda like Damon at least three times. Elena's making terrible choices (like jumping out of windows) and great choices (like wanting her memories back). Jo is just… so hot. Alaric is… just a guy. We'll be back in the new year!

TVD 06x05 | Bee tells like three insane stories back to back and thinks nothing of it. We're Bamon shippers now, against all odds. Tyler's having a no good very bad day. Liam's most exciting character moment is when he's NOT annoying for once. It's Weezer time!

TVD 06x04 | The worst day of Damon's life is like… a regular Thursday. Elena's really good at yes and-ing. Kai remains wonderful and terrible.

TVD 06x03 | Stefan's out of his bit era and into his being a douchebag era. Elena's in her sitcom era. Jeremy's in his hoe era. Everybody's in some sort of era, and very very few of them are good!

TVD 06x02 | Enzo is the ultimate feminist. Caroline hurts some feelings. Elena finally forgets Damon. Brian imparts some incredible Comic Con deep cuts upon us. The skit we referenced: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkCBi1Kla3s New episodes every Friday! Our patreon: https://www.patreon.com/afterbite

TVD 06x01 | AND WE'RE BACK! Someone looks like Idina Menzel but Brian's not sure who, Matt Donovan's a vampire racist, and Nina Dobrev had an insane time at Comic Con in 2014. Link to the HitFix interview we talk about extensively: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3eQot05Z1w

Bee and Brian bring u the final wrap up of this season of Afterbite: Season 5 of The Vampire Diaries! This was easier than we thought, actually, once you discard all the really really bad episodes you're left with just a few golden nuggets of good good dorky teen tv. Nina Dobrev the real person deserves literally all the awards for this season, she's the only thing holding this ship together. We're taking a bit of a break after this so we can recharge / Bee can move house again / Brian can get lost in the swamp and have time to find his way back / Jourdann can steal more library books.

We're finally here with our Originals season one wrap up episode! We talk about how this might just be the best season of a tvdu show... ever. We rank every episode, we ask "wait what was this episode about" like a million times, we have FUN!

TVD 5x22 | Jourdann forgot to watch the finale before we sat down to record this episode, and things really do not get better from there. Damon's obnoxious but he's really making it work for him this episode I'm not gonna lie. Jeremy and Bonnie remain a top tier couple. What's that? Oh my god it's Bamon coming in at the last second with a steel chair!

TO 1x22 | Brian is booboo the fool this week! Bee loses her mind, Hayley loses her life, Klaus loses his house to the debt collectors. The whole damn cast is acting like rent is due. It's a win all around!

TVD 5x21 | Listen, nobody is more surprised then me that I ended up actually liking this episode. Join Bee and Brian as they talk buckets o' blood, Caroline Forbes, and tumblr!

TO 1x21 | The whole gang is back and we have a banger episode for ya! Bee and Brian are terrified of a 90's children's cartoon, Jourdann is a library thief, and we're all losing our minds just a little bit. Brian is Disney Georg who spends 10,000 hours every day thinking about Disney properties. he is an outlier adn should not have been counted

TVD 5x20 | Bee and Brian are breaking down hard this week. We talk about YASCAR, the spiral mac and cheese being far superior, and Jeremy's inevitable and eventual bisexuality.

Crack open a ceremonial V8 because we are BACK, BABES! Bee and Bri talk The Orignials, Brian's Christian Hymn Mashup of the Century, and that Klaus moment that Bee loves so much. Follow us on twitter @AfterbitePod and get the episodes early by subscribing to our Patreon patreon.com/afterbite!

TVD 5x19 | Listen. I don't know what's going on in this episode either. Somehow, despite it being an episode about the vampire diaries, we ended up talking about Legacies more. Enzo and Damon continue to be gay best friends but in a straight dude way. Stefan gives us the gift of CINEMA. Bonnie's going thru it.

TO 1x19 | The Legacies news had not broken when we were recording this, oops. We've got real sleepy energy in this episode, so prepare for a laidback experience this week on Afterbite! Brian's on his criminal mastermind shit. Bee's going off about catholic imagery. Jourdann isn't here but would've loved this episode.

Bee and Brian make their way through Paul Wesley's directorial debut! Delena breaks up for the 7th time. We have a crushing realizaiton about how long we're going to be doing this show for, exactly. Support us directly on patreon.com/afterbite! Buy merch at brightcrownmedia.com/shop. Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod.

The gang's all here and we get playfully blasphemous! Someday we may answer for our sins but that day sure isn't today! Bee hates Pope Gregory I, Brian tries his hardest to derail this episode MULTIPLE times, and Jourdann is here four months early.

TVD 05 x 17 | Bee has extreme sleepy energy this episode so we're just taking it easy this week on Afterbite! This episode of TVD kinda sucks and we're not afraid to say it. We talk Delena, whatever Liv is up to, Bonnie being bisexual, and gay representation.

TO 1x17 | Bee and Jourdann make soup! We talk about found family and how it really does hit different when you're queer. Marcel's up to some shit, Cami's on the struggle bus, Genevieve is still here somehow? It's a wild episode.

Holy shit I can't believe we made it to episode 100. They said it couldn't be done, they said it wouldn't be fun but boy howdy we've DONE IT and had a BLAST! Thanks so much for sticking around on our long journey here... here's to 100 more! Bee forgot to set this episode to go live on the correct day, and honestly isn't that just the Afterbite experience?

Bee and Jourdann... well... you can probably tell from the title that Bee and Jourdann go fucking through it this episode. The Travelers remain nefarious for like no real reason. We decide what the k-pop group for tvd would look like. It's a bit of a mess but honestly extremely on brand for both k-pop and us! Spotify playlist we mentioned in the episode: https://spoti.fi/3KZb37o

TO 01x16 | Bee and Brain talk storyville, red doors, and ace attorney twists! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod Support us on Patreon: patreon.com/afterbite

TVD 05x15 | We recorded this episode LIVE on our patreon! Things are BRUTAL in the vampire diaries podcasting industry, very cutthroat. Brian is here for like 3 minutes and then vanishes, Nia is here in spirit, and Jourdann and Bee are crying over how good this episode actually is.

TO 0x15 | Bee's losing their voice, Brian is tying women to train tracks like an old-timey french-coded villain, Jourdann doesn't know basic geography. In The Originals Cami is delivering a verbal smack-down, Hayley is threatening an immoral witch with a shotgun, and Rebekah is having a no good, very bad day.

Stefan and Caroline co-parent the Mystic Falls gang. Bee unveils their twelve step plan for fixing Tyler Lockwood. Step 1: actually, genuinely, apologize to Caroline. Steps 2 - 11: ???? Step 12: Profit We also talk about the life and legacy of Sarah Jones, who this episode of tvd is dedicated to. You can learn more about Sarah and safety initiatives made in her memory at safetyforsarah.com Our socials: Patreon Twitter

Seriously, did Celeste need to go through that many bodies? Rebekah is a little bit brutal. Klaus and Genevieve have some wild energy in the studio. Hayley hits a bitch with a shovel. Support us on patreon! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod

This episode does its job and leaves so honestly? not half bad! Bee and Brian say like 4 complete sentences this entire hour, they were NOT on their A game. They didn't show up to WORK but this episode did. Support us on patreon! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod

There's SOME sort of joke here, I'm SURE OF IT. We get playfully anti-catholic. Bee says the phrase "Iconographically Recognizable" like it's a real word and I'm still 90% sure it's not. This episode is a little scuffed but that's really just the Afterbite Way ™!

Bee and Jourdann have a good good time with a good bad episode. We actually like Damon for once? Trust me we're as confused by this as you are. Bee can't stop saying besties. Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod Find us on patreon!

Bee and Brian REALLY like The Originals this week! Papa Tunde is one of the best villains a TVDu show has ever had. I'm gonna be honest with you, dear listeners, I don't really have a witty description this week. I honestly don't think anyone reads these, so if you do, tweet us on twitter with the vampire emoji of your choice. Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod Subscribe for early access on patreon: patreon.com/afterbite

The whole gang is back so you know this episode is gonna have entirely too much chaos. To honor the 100th episode of The Vampire Diaries we decide to dunk on it for about an hour and a half. Damon's not bad, Stefan's still the best, and Everybody Hates Katherine. Twitter: @AfterbitePod Patreon: patreon.com/afterbite

Nothin' else to say other than that this episode is a banger through and through. This is our last episode for the year, we'll be back in January! Find us on twitter | patreon

Damon and Enzo are exes according to us, we're doing what Julie Plec would NEVER. Katherine is the funniest character on this show. We learn some buck-wild stuff about the writer of this episode. Patreon: patreon.com/afterbite Twitter: twitter.com/afterbitepod

TO 5x10 | The Gang Tries Feminism! This week is all about women and GIRLPOWER and BEING A GIRLBOSS. Klaus threatens to kill a child (again), Davina girlbosses girlbossily, Rebekah invents feminism. Bee and Jourdann make a hallmark movie. Get episodes early on our patreon! patreon.com/afterbite Follow us on twitter! twitter.com/afterbitepod