Hear Me See Me NZ - A podcast of youth in Aotearoa.

Introducing Jett's storyAfter a traumatic family incident that triggered an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Jett learned that his love for music could help him manage his disorder as well as his battle with depression.If someone you know is going through what Jett experience you can help.Find out how to help them express themselves creatively and realise their dreams.

Introducing Jacko's storyJacko's story highlights the importance of rangatahi / young people getting support with their mental health. From a young age Jacko had mental health challenges. Without enough support in place, or people looking out for Jacko, he struggled to learn how to manage his mental health challenges.How to help someone going through a similar experienceIf someone you know is going through what Jacko experience you can help.Find out how to help them manage their emotions and how to create a safe space for them.Reflecting on Jacko's storyGrowing up Jacko didn't feel listened to or understood. Having people on his side that were able to accept what he was going through as real helped him to accept and come to terms with his own emotions.What have you learned listening to Jacko's story?

Chief's story highlights the importance of rangatahi / young people knowing what their rights are, as well as the need for good support when things get tough for families. When Chief was very young, his mum got sick and had to be hospitalised for long periods. Without enough support in place for her, or people looking out for Chief, he was left to care for himself from a young age.During his interactions with Child, Youth and Family (now Oranga Tamariki), he didn't feel listened to or understood. Social workers and lawyers used “tricky words” that confused him and blocked his access to be part of the decision making about his own life and circumstances. Having an advocate on his side to explain things clearly and to assert his rights may have led to different outcomes for him.Chief says becoming a father helped him find purpose and made him grateful for the support he received from his girlfriend and her whānau. He was given the educational support he needed at Lyriks Sports Academy, and later got the chance to train as a painter. Chief is making the most of this opportunity to provide for his young whānau.Transcript:"HOST 1: Please be aware that the content in this podcast may be unsettling for some listeners.[Music plays]HOST 2:   Kia ora, welcome to Hear Me See Me, a chance to hear young New Zealanders share their experiences, speak their minds and maybe even change yours. I'd like to introduce you to Chief, a young man who shares the challenges of his childhood and how starting his own family has given him a fresh focus for his future. CHIEF:   My earliest memory is from the age when I was five years old with my mum. Of like making stuff with her, doing painting and baking and cooking. My dad came from the Cook Islands. I don't know much about my culture because my dad hasn't been there for me to tell me about it. I still need to learn about it and I still want to go over to Rarotonga and see if I can bump into my dad's mum because I know she lives there, so I could tell my son about our culture.  My mum's always told my mates, you know, who I am. No one has pronounced me as pakeha because they always see me as that Cook Island person without that skin colour. Not much I can say about my dad. I've always had my mum there but from when I was five she started having health issues. She was in hospital long periods of time. Sometimes that could be one month, sometimes that could be three months or to five months.  I had to take care of myself when I was younger so therefore it made me kind of be more independent. I'd say that's when everything went a bit different for me. From when I was five years old, I didn't have any parents or anything, getting told what to do or what time to come home to and stuff. So therefore, it made me lead my own way and my own choices and made me lead to other places. I wouldn't say I made good choices when I was a kid. [Music interlude]  Four years old, I was walking around the streets. Even when it became nighttime, I'd still be around, walking around the grove or walking down to the park and hanging out with the kids at nighttime. It was common for all of us to be out at this time. The older kids would just show us bad influences I'd say, so therefore when we're watching them we would learn it. The community place was for us kids to go to after school hours so we can have something to do and not go out and be mischief or anything. First thing that will happen when we turn up every day is that they would put a feed on for us or even a little snack. It would be like fruit, like sandwiches, fried bread, sometimes it might be a cooked meal if we were lucky. I'd say a good 30 of us every day. The people that ran it, they weren't qualified people or anything whatsoever, just people that cared for us, for our community. It would be open from 3 o'clock say to 6 o'clock at night, 6:30 at the latest. It helped me in a way to stay away from trouble within those few hours of time. When the community place would finish, say around 6:30, 6 o'clock, soon as the streetlights hit on we'd have to start making our way out and no parents or anything came and got us, we'd just make our way home ourselves. I made some good friends and some good memories and everything there I'd say. I don't regret anything. Some of the people are my mates from this day dot. That community place isn't there no more. The hall and everything is still there, just no people there to help us. My dream would be to open that community place back up if money wasn't a problem. I'd like to change my community back to how it was when I was younger. I had support so therefore I want to provide the most I can for them. I want to at least help my neighborhood sharpen up a bit. [Music interlude] I was out on the streets at the age of four or five, you know, walking at night. I started wagging primary school. Not many kids wag primary school. So I got kicked out of primary and then I guess I was hanging out with teenage people you know and I got to intermediate, I started doing a lot worse stuff, so I was going downhill. I used to bring drugs to school and then started selling at age of 11. And then I was allowed to sign up for college and I was a kid that didn't care or would say stuff in front of teachers and then one of the teachers would hear that I was selling and then... that's where everything went downhill, I think. School was reporting to CYFS. and then what made it worse was I stopped going to school. So then CYFS came to my doorstep and the police were there so I pretty much got arrested and took to a CYFS home for naughty kids and it's just like youth justice. You got to be good to get out and I could be there for months cos I always ran away. The police would find me on the street or maybe at a friends and then I'll go back to another boys' home or in the cells.  The longest I've been in the cells for is three days cos sometimes the boys home is too full as well, you know. And sometimes cos all of us teenage boys are out at the weekend and that's the time everything happens. Say a group of teenage boys that got snapped and there's ten of them they could all go in that boys home just for the weekend and then I have to wait in the cells till that's cleared out. There's only a certain amount of people allowed in that boys' homes as well. There's only two boys' homes in this whole Wellington district and I've been to both of those, yeah. [Music interlude] Parents do get a chance to have a FGC with their kid before they go into CYFS - family group conference. I've started in FGCs since I was the age of like 12 I'd say, 12, 13. I remember the first one was to do with the drugs and I was of course still the same kid and told them I don't want to listen to you I don't want to take any advice or anything.  My lawyer started helping when I turned 16. Made me feel like I had some power, I'd say that. We were in the FGC, just me and my lawyer you know, he'll be my family member type thing with CYFS and then they all turn one, two, three like number talk you know and that's what got me like annoyed you know. They say that in front of me they know I don't understand that bit so I went to my lawyer what does that mean you know and he goes it means something something, you know, I'll explain it to you all after cos I kept asking like I do not understand this bro it's getting me frustrated. He's like I'll explain it to you after, I'm like nah I need to know now cos if you tell me after, then there might be something I haven't agreed on. Then they've said that Section 123 talk. In a way they've shut me down in there talk with this section blah blah and they make me shut up cos I don't know what they are on about. I think my lawyer thought I understood. I asked him after what they say and he says weren't you listening or far- so now we've agreed with something we totally didn't know. And he's like so you don't know your rules and stuff and I'm just like no I don't know nothing.  I signed this piece of paper though when I was 16 with them that if I was in trouble or anything like that it'd be reported to them right, but I can do my own thing like live elsewhere, like you know, live somewhere else but there's still rules in there. They agreed with me at least allowed me to stay wherever I wanted to when I'm 16 but I still was not allowed out of the CYFS system. There was a lot of arguing back and forth really so I had to figure out how to come back to this situation and work it better. I figured out it was one of my attitude and all that stuff too. So I kept trying, I kept trying. I guess I started behaving better with CYFS and started communication with them. Started talking to my social worker a bit better instead of just giving them my attitude. I started listening and stuff. When we're in a FGC, I was more civil and stuff so I came in and I was mature enough to at least say hi to them without being mad. So yeah, we got step one in and it was about where I should stay cos they knew I will never stay in the same spot with CYFS cos they know I run away. So then they finally came to a FGC where I could at least have some of my say, they said in a way tell me what you want cos you're never gonna listen so tell me what you want. I was like far- you finally want to listen to me you know after like eight years of being in the CYFS system, seven years you know, they finally at least wanna listen to what I have to say. They finally had a FGC with me to sign these papers saying that I was allowed out and I was only like 17. [Music interlude] My girlfriend is how I ended up having a proper house to stay at as well [laughs]. How do I explain that - short story - I started dating her and started liking each other and ended up living at her mum's cos they asked me where I lived and I say I pretty much have nowhere to stay, so then yeah straight away pretty much her mum just told me to jump in the house, you know, felt sorry for me and I was grateful for that and that's what made sure I stayed out of trouble and made sure I stayed at hers. Yeah it started from there and then I was like she's putting effort in for me and then that made me realise that I should start putting effort towards her. Even though I've never put any effort towards anyone else and I think that's where it made me realize [grunts in frustration] it's hard to explain but I'd say it made me change living with her in a way because she showed me what love was and she showed me that she cared for me and even her mum did. I've never met someone like that you know they will just chuck me straight in and they didn't even know me, and I told her I'm not the nicest person you know and stuff like you know I'm just trying to tell you who I was before I jumped in their house and the reason why I don't have a house. They still chuck me in and let me stay in. So, made me be grateful for that and yeah. [Music interlude] I just had no education for ages I'd say year 11 so two years of just doing whatever I want still, two years of no school going up to college. Got to year 11 and then I heard of this Lyriks course and it's a sports course and I was like oh I like sports and that's the only thing I'll probably attend to be honest is a sports course. So I signed up for that. Lyriks is a sports academy course for naughty kids or kids that can't fit into a school educational system and that course is to help guide you through schoolwork educational wise. They make you start from the beginning though so say if you were year 11 and then you got there they'd give you year nine work from the start just to see where you are. If you smashed out a year nine book, they probably put you up or still leave you down type thing. There was at least 20 of us turning up every day. We start around 9:30 in the morning soon as you walk into those doors. We would play rugby, mostly - tackle, touch – or else we'd go out for running and stuff like that, physical sports you know therefore we can hit each other without having a physical fist fight. We all come from different backgrounds, different hoods type thing you know. It was positive that's for sure no one left that field wanting to fight each other you know. Yeah, my dyslexia doesn't help with my educational wise. I'd say that was a bit of a struggle but I got through it somehow. So I reckon Lyriks understood the schoolwork too and the support as well. The schoolwork was a lot easier and if you struggle or anything all it takes is a hand up and they'll be right there you know. Whereas in another class, and school wise, if you put your hand up that teacher probably won't even come to you cos there's so many other students they're focusing about and they usually focus about the smart kids cos the smart ones are the ones that are taking it further education wise. So I did the Lyriks course for a year solid and I actually passed and was allowed back to college. So that made me happy you know so that made me go ye-ah I can go back to school. So that's what made me start thinking of changing too. So then I went oh yep I need to start focusing on school because I'm allowed back. And I was year 11, so then yeah I was accepted. I had an interview at  college and they were like oh wow you've changed heaps apparently. Apparently that's what Lyriks said so they accept me straight away and I was like sweet. And I think that's what made me change my attitude and everything to is that people are saying I was doing good so you know so when I heard I was doing good that made me smile and be like yeah you know so that made me stay in class and stuff you know. [Music interlude] Ever since I had a baby that's what made me change my life because I knew I had a kid and I knew I couldn't keep on doing what I wanted to do. I just had to change, you know. It was a have to because your kid's there, you know, I just had to.  It was slowly I wouldn't say I just changed like that you know like I got told that she was pregnant so I was like I'm having a baby, a bit excited but you know you don't see that baby there, you know what I mean, that stomach's still flat and stuff so I was still doing me type thing but still trying to slowly change in a way.  I was 16 when she was pregnant and she was a bit younger than me so it was harder for her to get an income or anything so it was I had to get off my arse and get a job straight away so I knew I couldn't just go and sign up for a job or make me a CV so I was told to go through recruitment. I actually got a job straight away. [Music interlude] I want to be a painter because it's an ongoing job and because it will help me and my family to survive. I used to do a lot of art in school, I used to do graffiti as well that helps with how to use your paint and stuff. So there's different ways of knowing how to paint. There's people that say they know how to paint and then they'd paint a picture or something or like paint a wall and then that wall would be drippy. Whereas me, I'd say I have more experience with using spray cans or paint wise cos there's some learned technique with my painting skills because of the stuff I've done in my books and on the streets. I get a bit OCD if I've seen a wall that is painted so uneven that you can see different brushes in different places you know whereas I'm OCD I'd rather fix that up. I wouldn't say I'm a perfectionist, I'd just say I think I can do better. [Music interlude] Things are good in my life right now. There are some struggles I have still from this day but I am still moving forward from it and fighting through it. I just want to have a good future so that's why I get up every day on my feet and keep going no matter what happens. I have a little family of mine too to support now, to worry about, not just myself. It changes my life in a way, well it's changed it in a good way, 100 per cent in a good way. I wouldn't know where I'd be to be honest. [Music interlude] HOST:   Please be aware that the content in this podcast may be unsettling for some listeners.[Music interlude]HOST:   Listening to Chief's story, I was really impressed actually by his attitude towards life especially from what he's experienced from such a young age. I think it's really amazing that he's had his own realization of really wanting to turn his life around. He's found good motivation for himself to do that with his family. I really like his attitude towards his family and for how young he is, it's really cool to see how onto it he is but I can imagine how hard it would have been. His attitude towards it is quite amazing for what he's been through. He's been very independent and had to do everything for himself and create his own routine in life. He's had no real guidelines and so his whole life has been based off exploration and experiments and that's how he's found his way through life. Being a 19-year-old with a family and a child I feel like it can be quite challenging with the way that the world looks in on you but I think that the way that Chief's prepared for it is very different with his circumstances. He hasn't had that really strong connection to a family and so creating himself one has, I think, been a really good and amazing thing for him and you can tell that he's really passionate towards his family. I think a lot of people would see a 19-year-old and be like that 19-year-old doesn't know what they're doing but I think he has a lot of ways in his life and a lot of examples that he doesn't want to follow and so he knows that he's definitely not going to do that and I think that's something really special for him to have in creating his own family. Yeah, so I think definitely he's got a really strong passionate motivation there for him.  [Music interlude] If Chief's story has brought anything up for you, please talk to someone you trust. You can also free call or text 1737 to connect with a trained counselor day or night. Hear Me See Me is a safe place for young New Zealanders to share their stories. Please encourage others to listen to them. If you have a story you'd like to share, please email kiaora@hearmeseeme.nz or search Hear Me See Me NZ on Facebook or Instagram and send us a direct message. To find ways you can support young people and to see what others are doing go to hearmeseeme.nz. Kia kaha, ka kite ano." 

Jess's story highlights the importance of cultural connection and of having someone to encourage us to follow our dreams.When Jess was growing up, she didn't always feel like she had someone there to support, guide and protect her. She was discouraged from pursuing her dream of becoming an artist because she wouldn't earn enough money to support herself. That led to her becoming a hairdresser. Having a job that she wasn't passionate about left her unfulfilled, so she quit. During this time, she didn't have strong direction.Later, she started using reflection as part of her daily routine. She focused on her goals and discovered a way to become an artist that builds her understanding of herself, her whakapapa and her culture.Jess's self-reflection, cultural reconnection, as well as her accepting and supportive partner, have all helped her find direction and set her on a path to follow her dream.Transcript"HOST 1: Please be aware that the content in this podcast may be unsettling for some listeners.HOST 2: Kia ora, welcome to Hear Me See Me, a chance to hear young New Zealanders share their experiences, speak their minds and maybe even change yours. I'd like to introduce you to Jess, a young woman whose creative calling led her out of her struggles and back home to her culture. JESS:      I want to be myself. The thought of that just makes me feel safe. Safe enough to go down that road and I'll be confident because I'm comfortable. I wouldn't be here if I had somebody encouraging me to be myself, encouraging me to follow my dreams and just someone to talk to and confide in. I didn't have that as a child and it could have done wonders for me. It could be your coach or could be the shopkeeper or it could be anybody, any adult that would have maybe turned my life around because ultimately as a young child and you're in that situation or that lifestyle you're insecure. You don't have confidence. So, I think it's important to have acceptance. That's the beginning of change. In order to change yourself as well you've got to accept that you are this way and you were brought up this way and you've got to accept that some people live in denial. I pride myself on acceptance, even if it comes down to somebody's opinion, I try to accept it. When you've got other people not accepting you, that's what causes you to lash out and what causes you to misbehave and think the worst of yourself. Because at that age you do care about what people think. So that's who I strive to be and I strive to be a positive influence or even just have a positive impact on anybody, even if it is a child. I think people just need to realize that they're the next up and coming generation. Kids grow up and when you're a broken child you become a broken adult. So I think it's just really important just to be aware that kids still need that love, whether or not you're related to them or you might know them from the local school or wherever. It's simple, yeah, it's still simple just to give him love and attention. Every kid wants attention, that's just a child. A child needs attention as well, it's not just a want but it's a need for their lives and it's very important, just to love them. That's the key factor that's missing and genuine love at that, not just oh I love you in front of family but when the family have gone, they don't actually love you, you're getting abused all the time. It's got to be genuine, genuine love. That and attention is what was missing in my childhood. My mum had a lot of ongoing issues mentally and emotionally and I don't resent her. I used to resent her as a child, you know, and that had an effect on me where I could have had an ugly relationship with her but I chose not to because I understood where she was coming from. You know, she's got her own challenges. I still understand, you know, as a kid having to teach yourself to think this way going through all these trials and tribulations. You don't get a childhood, you don't get to go and play like with your friends carefree if you've got a lot on your mind, you know, and, I suppose, that's what's given me this mindset today. Everyone's a product of their childhood and I suppose for me it worked out good. [Music interlude] I never met my Grandfather so my Grandfather, he died of alcohol poisoning, so it was my mum's 21st and unfortunately, he passed away in my mum's arms on her 21st. However I met my grandmother and she was with me growing up a lot, depending on her and my mum's relationship. Their relationship was quite rocky, so one minute I would see her, the next minute I wouldn't. I wish I had more time with her, maybe I would have had that, I guess, more of a cultural influence. It's quite hard being in here and knowing that she's out there struggling a little bit.  So I grew up with another family. I was whāngai, so I went to my oldest brother's family and they accepted me which I loved. It still affected me even though I had the basics and I was financially fine and stuff I wasn't theirs. I mean I love my whāngai mum, don't get me wrong, she's still in my life to this day. She still comes to visit me as well and you know there will be a time when I am going to have kids and I want them to pursue what they want to do with having that stability and that foundation around culture and our family, yes, and also being able to accept themselves, you know playing on their strengths and accepting them. They might not be the most perfect and that's fine, sometimes perfect isn't always perfect but I would never want my kids to experience any of that trauma and have to grow up quick like I did. [Music interlude] So it took me awhile to figure out what I wanted to do. I've always been creative. I think my childhood and the hurt with it is what gave me that creative tool to express myself in the best and safe way possible. I suppose as an adult coming into adulthood, I didn't play on my strengths. I would have loved it if I had that person that said to me “play on your strengths, don't listen to what other people are thinking”. That's where my mind space was cos I was listening to what everybody else was saying: you can't make money off of art, what, why are you doing that, why are you even bothering with that? You need to go and get a 9 to 5 job, that's what puts money on the table.  So I was a hairdresser, I got to my apprenticeship and I got accepted and there was this day when I just finished working I was so tired and I went to my car and I sat in my car and I just thought why am I doing this? Like I'm not even happy, I don't enjoy going in there and doing peoples' hair. I'm good at it and I've got a skill and I've honed the craft but what's the actual reason of doing it? That's where I started using reflection in my routine and I thought about it and it was for someone else's reasons. I don't want to pursue that career; I don't have a passion in it. After that I gave it up and I had no direction, so after that I was actually quite prone to drugs and prone to alcohol because I was going downhill. After that I made a few bad decisions. [Music interlude] So I've got a bit of direction going on. So, when I do leave prison, I'll be able to jump straight into my apprenticeship, yeah I'll be doing that, and it will be moko, so tā moko. I wasn't exposed to tattooing, I didn't know about it until I come into adulthood and I met my partner which ultimately became my person to confide in. And he's a tattoo artist and when I met him I was on bail so I was actually in the process of coming to jail and I was lost, misguided, I was on drugs and off drugs and then I'd have my days where I wouldn't even talk to him and we were friends at the time, and so when I got to talk to him, he didn't judge me. And I think that's what I needed was someone just not to judge me but just to listen, with everything I've been through. And as a child when you struggle you try not to feel sorry for yourself cos that's like a sign of weakness and you think that weakness is vulnerability, it's what's going to kill you in the end, but it's not. You're stopping yourself but if you had that voice to remind you, like you know, don't worry it's ok to be not ok.  He's that influence that I wish I had at a young age and just not judging me and accepting me for who I am and letting me know that you're okay, you're human. [Music interlude] I have had time to think about whakapapa. Eventually I'm most likely going to go and seek that when I am released and when I am in a good space in my life. I think it's important given the journey I'm going to go down, for myself, I've chosen a career that you need to know yourself and that's going to give you confidence. I think finding my whakapapa and my family, the missing links, is what will give me strength and where I will ultimately draw my strength from in my career. Given the craft that I will be pursuing and learning about is traditional Māori tattooing and so I do need to know my whakapapa and where I come from, so that if anyone was to kōrero with me or to talk to me about, you know, it is bound to come up, you know, where are you from sis, or where is your whanaunga from and I'll be able to deliver that to them and I suppose tell them a little bit about myself in confidence. So, I think yeah definitely culture's intertwined with my career. Yeah I think I will gain a lot of knowledge and I am seeking it because to me it's intriguing knowing about my culture and the stories and the legends and the myths and where that all comes from. I think I've always wanted to be surrounded by my culture. I didn't have that growing up, it's grounding and it gives me some sort of stability and confidence, yeah from knowing all of that, from having knowledge and, you know, knowledge is power. [Music interlude] I know my mum has the knowledge of where our links are too and where my grandfather comes from or my grandmother comes from and we still have family in Rotorua. My family is one of the first families in Ngāpuna, Rotorua, so my mum knows all the connections there. I suppose traditional tattooing because it's all about whakapapa, that's the point of it, telling the world where you're from and gives you a sense of identity. We call it storytelling on skin. It's very important for me to be intertwined with my whakapapa cos I will be eventually storytelling for other people and having knowledge on those different tribes and hapū is what I plan to seek out so that would give me a bit more tools to work with. [Music interlude] Sometimes as a kid, you're not really self-aware. You might not accept yourself but other people might see it. So I think if other people were to maybe say something towards that child or that young person and say hey, just make them aware of how they're being so that way they are able to accept themselves for who they are, cos some young children don't have confidence. How can you accept when you don't know? When other people accept them for who they are, I think that helps but it took me, I had to come to jail to be self-aware. I had to make a lot of mistakes to be like this and it wasn't something I learned overnight. It was kind of adapting, reflecting to my life. So then as I reflect on my day - and I think it's important because you're giving yourself feedback on ok I didn't like when this happened so what can I do next time to make sure that I don't feel this way and that that doesn't happen again. It kind of provided a space where you're most deepest insecurities are exposed and you're left with time. Time to think of everything, time to think about why you're here and I guess that's the point of coming to jail. It comes down to how you use your time that makes you self-aware. I use my time in the correct way, well as best to my capability as I could. And this is one of them, by reflecting a lot, and I kind of put it into my routine now, so at the end of the day when I'm folding my clothes and I've done my washing and I fold my clothes and put them away, I think about my day: did I have a good day, did I not have a good day and it's kind of like me time, you know, you get time by yourself down here. When I'm in that mindspace, I like to use it that way and think of my day and that makes me feel better.  I do think I'm really respected by some of the staff and also the prisoners just because I'm myself. I don't try to be something I'm not and I think when people see that they understand that you are who you are and they respect that, yeah when you are yourself. So that's who I strive to be, is myself. [Music interlude] HOST:   Jess' story, how I took it, was the importance of having guidance when you are younger and not only that but a parental figure because she talks about how not having a dad and holding the pain from her childhood made her turn towards drug abuse, instead of putting her mind to things that she loved doing, which she found out was tattooing. And she also talked about how being in the hairdressing industry, the beauty industry, she felt judged a lot of the time because you had to wear makeup, you had to wear certain clothes, you couldn't really express yourself as much as she felt she could tattooing because it was something that she loved doing and at the same time could feel comfortable being herself. Jess also talks about having a cultural influence and that she wished that her grandma was around longer in her life for her to talk to her about those things and learn from her. When she comes out of prison, she has plans, follow through with tattooing traditional tattoos, and telling stories through her tattoos, which I think is a really beautiful thing and a very important thing to look forward to. [Music interlude] if Jess' story has brought anything up for you, please talk to someone you trust. You can also free call or text 1737 to connect with a trained counsellor, day or night. Hear Me See Me is a safe place for young New Zealanders to share their stories. Please encourage others to listen to them. If you have a story you'd like to share, please email kiaora@hearmeseeme.nz or search Hear Me See Me NZ on Facebook or Instagram and send us a direct message. To find ways you can support young people and see what others are doing, go to hearmeseeme.nz. Kia kaha, ka kite anō."

Jesse's story highlights the importance of having great connections to a strong supportive community.Jesse reflects on going through state care when he was younger. He was shifted around a lot of homes and developed a ‘fight or flight survival mode' where he even stopped unpacking and never truly felt “at home.” During this time, he didn't have a lot of connection to his mother's side of the family. He felt disconnected and out of place. Later, he was able reconnect with an aunt and learn more about his whānau and whakapapa.As Jesse grew older, his search for connections and belonging led him into his Christian faith. He started attending a church and found a community he could connect and open up to. This sense of belonging and his faith helped Jesse overcome feelings of depression and brought joy into his life.He values giving back to his community, though mentoring others and teaching the importance of accepting others.How would you help someone like Jesse?Transcript:"HOST 1:  Please be aware that the content in this podcast may be unsettling for some listeners.[Music interlude]HOST 2: Kia ora, welcome to Hear Me See Me, a chance to hear young New Zealanders share their experiences, speak their minds and maybe even change yours. I'd like to introduce you to Jesse, whose story shows the importance of community and how all of us can help make a difference even with the smallest gesture. JESSE: I think culture is really important for all people because they have a sense of belonging, they know where they come from just as much as knowing who your family is or your whānau. For me growing up in care, I found that it was always something that I was searching for, understanding the language, understanding te reo Māori, I didn't know my Pākehā or my European side. But I think when young people don't have that knowledge of their whakapapa, their genealogy, you can be lost in some kind of way, trying to find where you fit in the world, what kind of person you want to be. Trying to fit in and sometimes trying to fit in where you don't need to, if you understand what I'm saying and I think that is important that children are able to access that, especially if it comes to the point where they have to go into care due to the environment they're in.  Having knowledge and skills of parenting is important as well and that's something I've been passionate about because of my upbringing, having to be in so many houses, because it was temporary placements or things didn't work out for me, that became you know that fight or flight or just surviving. You're just almost waiting for the next house, so you never really unpack, even mentally, because you're in the mindset that we're going to move again and sometimes it's like you're worried you're going to lose things in the move as well. Having earlier intervention where there's support around the family and strengthening those pillars, there's the four pillars that holds the house together, if those are unbalanced or out of balance then that house isn't going to stand and it's building that backbone off the family because at the end of the day, it's the family that makes the home. If there's a way to kind of give young parents or parents the understanding of what a family looks like, what it looks like to raise children, what that environment should be, then there would be a better outcome in the statistics of young people that end up in care. I do believe that environment is a lot to do with the way your mind is shaped. If there was that education, if there was that intervention that helped correct those mindsets, kind of rewire and renew the mind in the way we think and the way we do things as parents, then there would be change. [Music interlude] I barely knew my mother's side because when she passed away, my father got involved with a particular crowd. He started to shut off that connection with that side of the family. I think cos they were quite hurt as well because of the way that he had moved on so quickly within a year of her passing. When I was put into care, they were told that I wasn't allowed to have contact with my mum's family, so there was no going to visit them. And I actually met one of my aunties one day because a friend's sister-in-law worked with my aunty. When I met my aunty, I started to get the connection with everyone else and even with my Grandfather and it seemed that they were really hurt at the way that I had been kept away. My father hadn't been involved with me really from seven upwards. He would come see me occasionally. I kind of thought well why should he have a say if he's not here? Maybe he was trying to protect me but that's hard to kind of really say that with the abuse I went through because of the abuse that I undertook as well and a lot of it was from my stepmother as well. I think most of his say was from her. [Music interlude] When you're a bit fairer than the rest it can be hard to fit in and that's actually something for me that brought a lot of kind of hurt as well and pain towards that side of my culture, because I lived in a pā, a small Māori village, for a couple of years. You were outcasted because you were fair. The funny thing was I used to sound like a Māori but I didn't look like one, so even when you come on to this side, you'd get made fun of because “you don't sound like us”. But for me at the same time, that's something I embrace, you know, the world needs people that are outcasts because a lot of the times they are the people that make change because they understand what it's like. You look at a lot of people, like I said, they're never gonna be good enough or you don't fit here and they've risen above that resistance. Now because I'm happy in who I am because I know who I am, I don't have to prove myself to anybody and I think that's important for people as well knowing who they are. I always say this: it's not for everybody, that's okay, but for me at the end of the day it's my faith and God has actually made the difference for me because I don't think I would be where I am today if it wasn't for that. Actually understanding and knowing what a father's heart is and what a loving heart looks like and that's something that I've learnt. That's something that gives me a lot of gratitude when I started going to the church I was going to, because I'd never really kind of been embraced or hugged in a way that didn't feel like it was forced. I struggled accepting that affection as well because I hadn't had a lot of that growing up and when you're used to the mindset of growing up not having that, that can be a big barrier. I could see why people that I encountered at church thought “oh why is this guy here” at first. And even that was something I was passionate about when I had roles and leadership is that you need to be more welcoming, more accepting of people that come through, because we're supposed to be reflecting God. I've always believed ever since I've remembered that, that there's a God. And that's what brought me in, I wanted to find a deeper connection. I went for a while on and off and I thought this isn't working, but because I was more focused on people showing me God still, rather than God showing himself to me, you know, without God I'm nothing, like that's for me, I don't think I would have made it this far if I didn't have that connection. [Music interlude] Culture, identity and family, that's something that I've found in the church as well. I found the way a parents' heart should be towards somebody and when you have parents come in that aren't your parents and accept you, so you know, I went from having none to having all of these parent figures in the church and in the community and that broke down those walls tremendously. I was just trying to survive and get through life and because I was going through a lot of depression as well, I kind of felt like I was in the dark, quite hopeless, and I just wanted to get anywhere away from the problem. That was probably what was always on my mind was how can I get away from these problems that are around me or that I'm facing. That was when I made my personal commitment with my faith. That's when I kind of came to that conclusion, there's no running away from it, you have to face it at some point and you have to overcome it and that's some of the principles and foundations of the Christian faith is being an overcomer and overcoming obstacles that are in your way. [Music interlude] I was angry with my father up until 18. I hung out with particular groups of people like mischievous people and go into a lot of trouble, got into a lot of trouble with the law as well and violence and gang-related stuff and that was really a cover or a facade for me to build respect or acceptance. Maybe get somebody's attention as well. Like I no longer had any connection with my father whatsoever, he had left New Zealand. For me, I remember trying to call him and get no answer. After a couple of months, I'd figured that they'd left and I did get to a point where I knew that I would have had a lot to say and a lot to do but that's one thing that my faith had a really strong influence on was learning to forgive those who've hurt you. Something that lessened my aggression that I had growing up and anger - and it's quite funny [laughs] - was martial arts. I did martial arts and I had done it at first with the intention to be strong enough, so the next time when they tried hitting me, I would defend myself. Young people do need a person they can trust that's actually going to make them feel secure and safe, if they're going to disclose information like that. By that stage I had caused enough trouble to be almost looking at going to juvenile detention and I'd already moved a few houses. I had been told that was my last place because in the other places I had lashed out and then I would try to run. [Music interlude] I think everybody has something to offer. It's not always comfortable or convenient but I think we all have something to offer. It could be we have mentors that get alongside young people and teach them life skills, things that you don't see a lot anymore, like having people that can show you how to fix a car or teaching you as a new skillset. I do think it builds relationships as well, whether it's teaching you a sport – that was one thing that I didn't have the privilege of being taught how to throw a ball by my father and even if you have community that can show you, they don't have to be their mum or their father, could even just be like a big brother role, you know a big sister. That's something I've brought up a lot as well is teaching young people if they're transitioning from care or leaving the nest, how to budget, how to clean a house, how to cook a meal. That's just a general example but if they're taught these things, it will make a big difference to their future. We can always think of how the world would be better but it won't happen overnight, but it would definitely be nice for families to definitely support parents and children around that risk of going into care and maybe helping those other parents build skills, like even if it's parents that support other parents in those rough times. There are people that are already doing that or even having community organisations that will be able to teach and show and give parents or young people that education and knowledge. I definitely think that would help change the outcome. One thing that makes me do my job and gets me up in the morning is that I hope that I'm able to change one young person's life in that they would be able to break the cycle. If it makes a difference for one person, then I feel like I've accomplished something. I definitely wish that they would never have to go through any of the things they've experienced or some of the things I've had to. [Music interlude] HOST: I think it is important to be shown love and affection when you're little, and, in some cases, people don't always get that which can lead to a lot of other problems like being on edge and defensive all the time. It's a really really good idea to have mentors in your life. It's important to attach yourself to people who resemble that position for you. People need people. Put yourself out there if there's a little boy in need cos being little is such a vulnerable age and being shown that love will be really really good for him. if Jesse's story has brought anything up for you, please talk to someone you trust. You can also free call or text 1737 to connect with a trained counsellor, day or night. Hear Me See Me is a safe place for young New Zealanders to share their stories. Please encourage others to listen to them. If you have a story you'd like to share, please email kiaora@hearmeseeme.nz or search Hear Me See Me NZ on Facebook or Instagram and send us a direct message. To find ways you can support young people and to see what others are doing, go to hearmeseeme.nz. Kia kaha, ka kite anō."

Gala's story highlights the importance of parents and guardians encouraging natural passions in young people. Gala's parents saw at an early age that she was very energetic and adventurous. By giving her outlets for that, like skateboarding and karate, they helped her develop important passions.When Gala was at school, she found her attention wandered. She felt misunderstood by her teachers, who did not always know how best to help her. Later in her education, she asked her school for extra support so she could pass NCEA as she had received a diagnosis of ADHD. For Gala, this diagnosis helped her better understand herself and what strategies could help her be successful.Her talent in skateboarding and karate, as well as the supportive communities she has found through these passions has helped build her resilience, confidence and sense of belonging.Transcript:"HOST 1: Please be aware that the content in this podcast may be unsettling for some listeners. HOST 2:   Kia ora, welcome to Hear Me See Me, a chance to hear young New Zealanders share the experiences, speak their minds and maybe even change yours. I'd like to introduce you to Gala, whose passion for sports helped her with her challenges of ADHD.[Music interlude]GALA:   Kia ora, ko Gala tōku ingoa. Hi, my name's Gala, I'm 18 years old and I'm from Wellington. I love all outdoorsy things, skateboarding, karate, I love art, making stuff with my hands and I'm very lucky to have had two parents who have supported me throughout all of my passions through life. Yeah, my dad has been very closely bonded to me through outdoor activities. He loves fishing and surfing, yeah just being outside. And same with Mum to be honest. Mum is always down at the skatepark watching me skate. I definitely learned a lot from my mum and we have a really special connection. A lot of it we share through our culture and being Māori. She's always made sure that I've had a really close connection to my heritage and culture and that's been really important to me. She's also really creative and she's always encouraged me to be creative. She's always recognized my love for like being physical, so if I was like climbing a tree and dad was like no she's going to fall, she was like no she can do it. I think it's given me a sense of being able to like take a first step into something and give it a go and not being scared of failing because I've always been able to learn things at my own pace and been encouraged to do that. I've always been pretty energetic. I actually remember I had this little blue stroller thing and it was like a seat with a plate around the front of it for like food and then it had wheels and we've got this big open plan floor with wood and I just remember like scooting around on it, just like you know the ones where you push with your feet, you sort of gallop? And I was just like going around and running around and that would always be me. When I was one, I went to the Coin Save and saw a skateboard and apparently I wouldn't let it go and so my mum convinced my dad to buy it for me for Christmas and that's when I got my first skateboard.  After that, always been at the skatepark on a scooter or skateboard or bike and there's heaps of videos of me just like when I was younger just on my skateboard jumping off ledges and like going down hills on my bike. So always being just like super physical and really enjoyed running around. It definitely gave me a sense of freedom and I feel like I've always been super just like I wanna give that a go, I want to do that, like I wanna try that, like why not.[Music interlude]Mum was put in foster care when she was younger and didn't have a good experience and I think she's carried a lot of that into her adulthood. She's been on her own since she was about 17, 18. She just grew out of the system. It was like you're on your own now with no support. Guess that's why it's good with the transition support because being like my age now and just like being taken out of just like all your support just falling under your feet would be horrible. I couldn't imagine it. You can see she's really like independent and had to do everything for herself and I guess that's from not really having support.  When I was in primary school I had already established where my challenges were. It was pretty obvious. I'd always be put in classes with the kids who were sort of the struggling sort of end. I think I definitely got put in the naughty kid box and I wouldn't say I'm a naughty person at all. I was loud and had quite a bright personality. I was pretty intense, couldn't focus, I just wanted to do what I wanted to do - skateboard or look out the window and see what that was and I couldn't sit still and so it was like that kid's naughty they're not doing what they told, so put into that box of not a good student. I definitely thought I was dumb for a long time because I wasn't doing well at school and like I'm just not smart, I couldn't do anything right. When I was younger I complained a lot about having difficulty with reading and I was like I can't read like I just don't understand. I thought about the possibilities of maybe being a bit dyslexic and I remember my mum kind of talking to me a little bit about it but I kind of always just shrugged it off. I mean I was still getting by for most years so I didn't really get pushed into going to receive a diagnosis. And then once I got into my high school years, that's when I started struggling more and a few of my mates got diagnosed with ADHD and I guess I never fully related to them cos they were all boys and the symptoms are very different. So it went unnoticed for a long time cos I was only diagnosed when I was 17. It wasn't like I particularly cared because I knew that I did have other things that I enjoyed. I mean I did have a lot of fun at school, hung out with friends and I could skate there but when it came down to academic side of things, it was already in my head that that wasn't my thing and that was okay because I had other things I could do, which was karate and skateboarding and so that's what I did and that's what I focused on. [Music interlude] I picked up karate when I was eight. I guess as soon as I did it I just was like this is so cool and just like you're using your whole body and it had my attention. I just had this focus for it. In my year there were a whole bunch of boys who did karate because one of the boys' dads owned the dojo, so he'd pick everyone up after school in his seven-seater van and would take everyone to the dojo.  So my first grading was when I was eight. I really enjoyed it. It was a lot of fun. We did fighting katas and then it came to getting our belts. What happens is your names are called and you stand up in groups usually and they tell you what belt you got. And so they started from like the higher grades and they told them all the grades. And then it went to my group of friends and so they all stood up. They went to their orange belts, I was like oh my goodness I didn't pass, like I haven't done anything, you know, and then he got me to stand up with a group of kids who were already orange belts and graded me to my blue belt so I skipped a couple belts. And I think that really just made me like oh I can do this. Yeah I just made being super excited about it. I was probably running around everywhere super happy. Then I just went up the grades as you normally do. When I was about year eight to year nine that's when I trained really really hard. So I became a candidate for my black belt and you take like a good six months to train for that one. So we did things like the hell test, that's what we call it, which is where you go and stay the night at the dojo and you train and then you get woken up at five in the morning and you go for a run and then you do more training. It's like a sort of weekend thing and then it became after school every day for four hours, I'd do all the classes so there were about four classes. At this point I was at high school I was year nine. So I'd walk from school, go to the dojo, train for four hours and then they do this routine that you have to build for your black belt which is a self-defense routine. So they give you a list of a whole bunch of techniques and you have to incorporate it into a routine. It had all of my attention, all my energy and then I did my black belt grading at the end of my year nine and it was going pretty well. We had the news there, that was because I was the youngest female in New Zealand to be getting her black belt.  Towards the end of my grading, we do tameshiwari, which is breaking blocks, so we're breaking wood and I broke my first piece that was elbow and then I came up to the second one. I lined it up and we were punching It, so just knuckles onto the wood and as I was punching it, I leant back a bit and so I ended up punching with my two last – you're meant to punch with your two front knuckles and I ended up falling back a bit and so I punched with my two last ones and ended up breaking my hand. At that point we still had sparring to go and I just remember looking at it and I was like oh that's not good. And I tapped my shihan on the shoulder, which is like a sensei but above, and I was like oh I think I dislocated my finger and he was like okay we'll wrap it up. And then as we're wrapping it up I just started crying and it wasn't even cos it really hurt but I was just in shock and I was like I've just screwed up this whole six months of my life, like it's out the door just like that, in an instant, because I punched this board wrong. And he was like oh you can opt out you've done enough; you've got your black belt. And I guess like kyokushin is very - that's the style of karate I do, kyokushin - and it's very like full contact and you know the karate way, it's just like you're not gonna pull out of your grading, you know, I was like I can't do that. And so I kept on going and did all my fights with one hand, so I was just punching with that one hand and I was tired so I was just doing little kicks. And that was a lot. That was pretty intense. Finally, at the end of the day, I got my black belt and that was really emotional, just like I was so exhausted and just was so overwhelmed and so excited and just happy that I had gotten it and then it was off to A&E after that. They had to reset my finger and then cast me up and I went back home and we all celebrated.  That was my junior black belt since I was only 13, you have to be 16 to be eligible for an adult one and so after that I did some teaching for a bit. I think having that responsibility at that age was something really good for me. Any kid would kind of benefit off that and being able to work with those little kids definitely allowed me to show my appreciation to the dojo. It just kept me really involved since I was at that period where I had to wait another three years to actually do my senior black belt and it was also something I really enjoyed. I felt like I was achieving something. [Music interlude] When I got to high school there was a lot of concern around my focus. The school thought it was like behavioral problems and all of that cos that year I was just super dooper intense and excited about being at high school and just ran around everywhere and just, you know, had a bit of fun. I remember my teacher letting me go out and go skate around the block and then come back in and do my work and, you know, she was experimenting and trying to find my way of learning which was super cool and she expressed some concern to the school about me struggling with passing my NCEA.  I think a lot of my teachers sort of realized and was like oh this kid needs help. So after that my dad and I had a meeting with the school, put some things in place, and then they said learning services were going to come talk to me. And then after that I kept on struggling a bit with school, always have like needed extra help to get to the line, and I was getting that help from teachers without having any diagnosis, which was good, and then I talked to my dean about it, I was like oh I'm just really struggling.  My main issue was reading I was like I can't read properly like I'm reading the same page over and over again like I can't get through a book and then he was like maybe you should look into like ADHD. So I talked to dad about it and ended up getting an interview at CAMHS. CAMHS is the Child Adolescents Mental Health Services and I'd been there before for some counseling which was really good. I went in there and just like talked about what was happening for me just sort of said everything and then a little while later, an email got sent to my dad saying that I did have ADD or ADHD. They were just saying you can come in and stuff and will talk about like strategies. Since receiving that diagnosis I've really been able to sort of realize where my struggles are and strategize around that. I guess I've just realized how ADHD I actually am as well. It's been a really good thing, for ages it was just like the way it is. I was just so lost with what actually was happening and I think I always kind of knew there might be something going on there. Now that I've grown up and matured a lot more, the kind of struggles I was facing are so much more pronounced to me. I couldn't really see how much I was challenged by school probably because my brain can't comprehend that many tasks at the same time, like it all just gets too much, like I cannot prioritize things for my life. I cannot make plans with someone because I'll try to do them all and I'll just get like too distracted on one thing and I can't like mentally map out the timescape for like when I need do things. I think now since receiving that diagnosis, I've learned so much and I still am about what it actually means to be ADHD and I'm learning like where I struggle. [Music interlude] I don't know, you can find community in a lot of places. I found mine in skateboarding and karate. The good thing about skateboarding is it is such a sport of low judgment in a lot of ways because people just wanna have a good time, they want to achieve the same goal. There's such a community and everyone just hypes each other up. It's wicked. There's a lot more girls now who are competing in skating which is so cool. I always find I progress so fast when I skate with them, having the girls who are sort of at the same level and can relate to each other more and you just go through the roof with like trying new tricks and especially with the whole vibe that's going on. Everyone's just like super pumped up, you progress really fast.  Karate definitely was like a big outlet for me. It's like one of those things when you find something, and you become so obsessed with it, and you just like wanna learn more. It's that thing with ADHD and hyper-focusing, you can just go there and just like zone in to what you're doing and it was a big contrast I reckon to high school just having that place.  I think having those community groups is really important and my life wouldn't be the same without them and I'm really grateful. I definitely think my life would be a lot different if I didn't have those and probably not in a good way.  And even friends, I think friends is like a really strong place for me, I have really strong friend group. A lot of them who have struggles similar to mine and that's really great being able to talk to people who kind of get you. But no, it's definitely very much one of the biggest things in my life are definitely my friends, especially being a teenager. Your friends are everything, because yeah you grew up with them, you go through all the same changes, you find yourself alongside them. I think I've built a really strong group of friends and they're really supportive. It's a really cool thing to just have like a conversation and just talk about the same things and have guidance and similarities and I guess some reassurance. Me and a lot of my friends will play music together, go skateboarding together, I have a lot of friends I did karate with, surf together, draw together, just mess around and hang out and be kids. All my friends are very passionate about the same things that I am, which is really cool, and makes the bond that we have super strong, which is awesome. [Music interlude] HOST:   ADHD - I cannot imagine what it's like but I can relate to her struggling at school. I have dyslexia myself. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on my work. The example of how Gala used to get out of her classroom when she needed to have some fresh air and then her teacher will let her go out and have a little skate around and stuff, I reckon that is good for the mind for youngins especially because you know we can't sit in the classroom for like two hours straight. Our minds start, you know, just getting distracted thinking you want to do something silly in classroom, so therefore there's always that one person that does something silly in the classroom. So that's wise cos you can't sit there for like two hours and stuff you know. Some people do need to have some fresh air time and their own mindset time to themselves and stuff. Gala uses skating as her getaway. It seems like that's what she does in her own free time and her freedom. It must be good for her mindset going out skating and stuff like you know she'll go out by herself and then go skate on the ramps and stuff, have some fun and take out all her issues or something like that, on the ramps and stuff you know. But it is a genuine rush thing too skating, you know. Talent, I'd say you have to have talent to skate so you know that is pretty cool. She's talking lots about karate, how it was her goal to achieve stuff to make her feel good. It is a great outlet to have for young people like that especially. If Gala's story has brought anything up for you, please talk to someone you trust. You can also free call or text 1737 to connect with a trained counselor, day or night. Hear Me See Me is a safe place for young New Zealanders to share their stories, please encourage others to listen to them. If you have a story you'd like to share, please email kiaora@hearmeseeme.nz or search Hear Me See Me NZ on Facebook or Instagram and send us a direct message. To find ways you can support young people and to see what others are doing, go to hearmeseeme.nz. Kia kaha, ka kite anō. "

Jaime's story highlights how bullying at school and online can have devastating consequences on rangatahi. When Jaime was 14, she was the victim of sexual exploitation by people she thought were trusted friends. Pictures they took were shared online and later, fake images were spread that people said were of her. This led to judgment and bullying from many of her peers which caused Jaime to lose confidence, become depressed and underperform at school.After she talked to a trusted person things started to get better. A couple of girls in her year noticed that she was having a rough time. They looked out for her by giving her a safe space to talk about her experience when she felt ready to. By surrounding herself with positive and supportive people who were not so concerned with social status and social media, she was able to gain back her confidence, succeed at school and look forward in her life.What have you learned from listening to Jaime's story? Transcript:"HOST 1:   Please be aware that the content in this podcast may be unsettling for some listeners. [Music interlude] HOST 2: Kia ora, welcome to Hear Me See Me, a chance to hear young New Zealanders share their experiences, speak their minds and maybe even change yours. I'd like to introduce you to Jaime, who shares a powerful story about sexual exploitation and cyberbullying. JAIME:  It was the holidays before year 10 for me and I went to Ōtaki with group of my friends who were all boys and we got drunk for the first time. So, I was very young, but I mean it happens. And then I got drunk to the point that I can't remember anything else. And that was my morning, I woke up puking and then we went on to the beach and then we went home and that was that. That's what I, you know, presumed had happened. I was like wow we all got drunk and that's how it goes. It was pretty gross.  And then about a month later I was at McDonald's after school where a boy showed me this picture of me and it was a picture of me shirtless on a bed in Ōtaki and I had no recollection of where that would have came from or you know of that happening at all and apparently I'd gotten with one of the guys there. And there were various pictures taken of a similar sort and everyone had seen these pictures and I didn't even know they existed, it was quite hard to know about. And then one of the boys who was there that actually took the photos I found out was completely sober as well and had continued to be my friend throughout this month of me not knowing. So, it was pretty rough. And then one of them also sent the photos to me on Facebook Messenger and would every so often send them to me and be like haha look at this.  And you know, I of course didn't tell my parents at the time which was probably my first mistake, but I think I thought they would be mad at me for drinking and all this stuff which, I don't know, I regret not telling them, but that's the way my 14-year-old brain went.  And then fast forward a bit later in the year and the photos had been circled around and everything and I had taken some time off school pretending to be sick because I couldn't face going to school. And then a couple of girls who I thought were somewhat my friends found those photos again and then continued spreading them around my school. So now they were at the school I was at every day and then they also found nude images of other girls from Wellington that were in fact not me so there were about four different images going around of I didn't know who they were at the time that everyone thought were me. And these girls continued to like, oh this sounds so strange now, but they would make these Facebook statuses which it was called ‘like for a name and comment your opinion' and they would purposefully, I think, give everyone my name so there were hund- like so many comments about me, all about how like no one cares about your boobs because I happened to have big boobs compared to everyone else which I was insecure about myself. And like how I was shit at netball and that I was an attention whore and like just all this stuff and it was obvious to me and everyone else that it was all about me but that was, I guess, the whole point.  I was very very depressed because I thought everyone thought I was this slut who would send nudes to boys and I had very few friends at school because everyone was writing these comments about me and yeah so school was really really hard. [Music interlude] I would spend most of my day in my room in my bed on my computer and I think I ran my immune system so low just from being so depressed, I ended up getting a lot of like tonsillitis and everything which helped me in my stances because it meant I didn't have to go to school but physically and mentally I was a mess and I wasn't helping myself either by looking online at all of the things about me. And yeah, I found going to school very difficult and especially like going to school for academic purposes. I just - that wasn't even part of my mindset anymore. I thought I was dumb, I thought I was like worthless, I thought you know I'm just this slut, I shouldn't bother at school maybe I should go get with boys and that kind of thing because that's what was being portrayed on to me of what I was. I was struggling with the issues going on and I was also trying to be cool myself you know most 13, 14-year-olds are and I definitely was and it meant me choosing the wrong friends and thinking that being good at school was lame and like all of this stuff. And then I guess it was in year 11, I had done really well on my year 10 exams which don't mean anything but they're like practicing for NCEA and I realized oh maybe I actually you know have something going on in my brain, so I decided that I would try in algebra and I'd try in English and choosing to try in classes and actually care about my grades and stuff like that, yeah, it made a really big difference and I ended up really enjoying school which is really cool and it's really cool for my little sister to see because now she can't wait to go to high school. And I think that that is such a unique thing to want, you know, no one wants to go to high school, but she can't wait. And I think hopefully it's sort of due to her seeing my last three years being so positive and yeah I ended up getting good grades, getting into uni and having good friends. It wasn't all easy like there were other things there weren't great like school was difficult academically and still little friendship dramas but nothing severe, nothing out of the ordinary, yeah. I ended up actually making really good friends and one of them I made in algebra class and he's now my boyfriend and that was in 2015, so you know, things like that and surrounding myself with people that cared more about what was going on in games and at school than what was going on in the popular circle of people, that was the biggest difference. So yes, surrounding myself with people that didn't care about whose Instagram was the best and amazingly a couple of them didn't even know who I was which was so refreshing because that meant they didn't know anything, which now I think almost everyone close to me knows most things I've been through because I believe in telling your stories cos it helps other people deal with their own.  But some people - there were these two girls that actually did kind of step in during the problems and were somewhat there for me and they were there for me more than anyone else during those times, which I wasn't friends with them before anything bad happened, they kind of stepped in when they noticed I was staying home from school. And I continued being friends with them through high school and yeah one of them, this particular girl, she was really good in the way that she didn't bring up anything that she had heard about me unless I brought it up first. So I guess my new friends didn't think oh that's the girl who had those photos of her boobs or that's you know, it was just - I was me and kind of got to figure out who I was and tell them that rather than based off of my experiences. [Music interlude] I know none of the people that got me to that sort of place would ever have wanted that to happen but I guess they didn't think about the impact that their actions can actually cause on a person. The fact that pictures were taken, that was one thing that happened and I think the worst part was that the decision to share them around the school was taken. Whereas I know for a fact that at least one of the three would have known that's a bad idea, like someone would have had a feeling maybe oh maybe we shouldn't do this. And I think if that person had spoken up and said stop let's not share these photos, let's delete them, it all would have been ok. So I guess if you've ever got a feeling that something might hurt someone, don't push it away to try and be cool, cos it might save someone's life. And I think I never had any adult, or anyone explicitly tell me that it wasn't my fault. It's taken me multiple years of hearing friends' stories that are similar and reading about the #MeToo movement and everything like this to see wow it really wasn't my fault like the fact that I chose to drink alcohol wasn't me signing up for what you know what was going to happen afterwards. So I guess I really really wish someone pulled me aside and said “hey this isn't your fault that this happened”. HOST:   Drinking and experiencing all of those things at a young age for the first time is how you learn from mistakes and how you grow up but like as Jamie said there must have been at least one person or boy or anyone who won't have a good feeling about the things that are going on and it can be hard to speak up but there's always a benefit of doing that and you know saving someone's life. If Jamie story has had an impact on you, please talk to someone you trust. You can also free call or text 1737 to connect with a trained counsellor, day or night. Hear Me See Me is a safe place for young New Zealanders to share their stories. Please encourage others to listen to them. If you have a story you'd like to share please email kiaora@hearmeseeme.nz or search Hear Me See Me NZ on Facebook or Instagram and send us a direct message. To find ways you can support young people and see what others are doing, go to hearmeseeme.nz. Kia kaha, ka kite anō."