Mollena's posts

I chat with Dana and Dave about the wonderful tour of Paisley Park, home of the Late Great Prince.

We are advised tonight is the Wolf Moon. Attempted howling ensues.

Debut of Georg Friedrich Haas "Octet for Eight Trombones" at Muenster. Basel.

don't crush your enemies

don't be drinking a beverage...

Thug Meister presents a Dramatic Reading of one of my more Dramatic Posts. #BeverageAlert

This funky fresh epi deals with random stuff, the importance of brownies when I have to placate an angry uterus, and the finer points of culinary torture. Would YOU, as a sadist, force someone to consume a food that would make them sick, just to watch 'em suffer? Would you, as a masochist, or as a submissive, consent to such an unusual "scene?" The Heavy Cream Scenario offers a fascinating jumping-off point for discussing the limits a lactose intolerant Negress such as myself might have to impose with negotiation with The Lazy Sadist.

(Transcript Available Here: http://www.mollena.com/2013/11/leather-reign-2013-on-silence-service/) November 9th, this is my speech at Leather Reign. Please be advised: I do talk about my own sexual assault. If this might be difficult for you to hear, please exercise whatever self-care you deem necessary. Thank you.

Our Very Special New York Podcasts is in three parts! This is Part Two! J.P. was in The City for work and we hung out, rolling downtown nomming snax from some of my very fave places (Vanessa’s Dumplings,Momofuku Milk Bar Store, Molly’s Cupcakes) and wound up having some delicious Vietnamese food before settling in for some podcastin’. Parts one & two are single topic, and inspired by a conversation I had with one of my long-time and dear friends, R.– What about people who have, as their core kink, providing service? How do they negotiate for that? This might be my fave so far, so bust out some snax and get ready for a pithy half-hour!

Our Very Special New York Podcasts is in three parts! Parts one & Two are single topic, and inspired by a conversation I had with one of my long-time and dear friends, R.-- What about people who have, as their core kink, providing service? How do they negotiate for that? This might be my fve so far, so bust out some snax and get ready for a pithy half-hour!

We start off with some ball wedging (hey, it makes sense of you've listened to the previous episodes!) and we jump back into telling / showing / sharing the intricacies of BDSM without losing the realness, the authenticity? I describe a wonderful moment I witnessed between a master and slave, and how lovely it was. And how that motivates my (possibly futile longing) to somehow bring stories of kick, BDSM and Power Exchange to an “audience” or, as I will forever consider them, the gathered voyeurs. J.P. gets down to the heart of the mater, by questioning not only CAN that sharing be accomplished authentically, but SHOULD that be something we share. And we finally get to J.P.’s true nature: a Dream-Killing Shithead. Which is, of course, really hot. Hot enough that I have now made it a fetish on FetLife. I talk about a scene where I realized that having an audience …or not…can be very impactful on the quality and sensation of the scene. So the question! Hey, people who are performers AND are kinky, how do you differentiate? When is a scene a performance for you? When does it feel different to have an audience, when is an active observer vital to your play, and do you feel that impacts the central nature of your play?

Because the call got dropped, we kiiiiinda pick up where we dropped off. (J.P. theorizes that the very Internet itself was unbalanced by our ongoing DISPUTE.) There is some movement towards compromise when we talk about the fact that the potential to connect with an audience AND a partner in a BDSM scene COULD OCCURR. Aha! Progress! Then some trashtalking about my Poor Beleaguered Inner Romantic might or might not have a valid opinion in this debate. DO NOT MESS WITH MY DREAMS. Then we get a radio play-fantasy of a Stage Manager motivated assassination, which is pretty awesome, really. THEN I decide that, somehow, internal come-shots in porn have a deeper parallel with actual performative authenticity. No, really. And then J.P. delivers the KILLING BLOW. SCIENCE CRUSHES MY DREAMS. Fuck you, particles. But I still hold fast to my dream of genuine BDSM being brought to the people in a way that shares the energy and heat and awesomeness as possible. And of course, this part slices off…but at least we know it this time! Tune in tomorrow for the last slice of deliciousness in this series…retroactively titled THE BIG THROWDOWN OF TWO THOUSAND AND THIRTEEN, BITCHES. (Not really but it looks good in all-caps.)

The “EPIC Conflict Continues” in which we learn my sadness & discomfort apparently amuses J.P. What are the limitations to and freedoms within performing BDSM vs. doing a scene vs. sharing one’s interactions with a dungeon of kinksters vs. an audience…is the audience intrinsically voyeuristic? How can one capture the ephemeral nature of the energetic exchange within BDSM? I parallel performance within the protocols of BDSM with performing in theater, and on the world-as-stage. J.P. still isn’t buying it, and brings into play the question of intention and focus with an audience vs. without an audience, and whether or not authenticity is compromised by using BDSM as a vector for performance. J.P. opinions on performance art and “happenings” are thrown in there, and the theater nerding continues. We drill down to the question of the intention of audiences vs. voyeurs. AND MID-SENTENCE CUTOFF. Because the call got dropped.

WHat is the gap between seen and what is felt when we engage in BDSM and Power Exchange dynamics? When is performance narrative? Ambition? Activism? Push activism vs. pull activism. And what was the name of that damn Spiderman Musical anyway? Actors vs. performers, dungeon performers vs. actors. What is a scene vs. a performance? And what does Mo have against Peter Greenaway? We jive on the awareness gap between what you see people doing vs. what is actually happening...and I add bottoming to a top who is blindfolded to my bucket list! Performatizing silence ..and THEN...! You Heard It Here First, Folks...we have our FIRST DISAGREEMENT!! ooo. It is vicious. It inspires me to begin conceptualizing an entire performance piece...which may or may not survive THE CRUCIBLE OF DEVELOPMENT that is J.P. Robichaud's EPIC ELLIPSOIDAL LIGHT OF EVISCERATION. Oh, its just getting good...

This next series of podcasts...folks, ALL over the damn map! We had a whole bunch of questions and topics and shit. Somehow, the weather became a fasci-fucking-nating topic. I'm serious, y'all. I mentioned that I had legendary Evil Jewish Lesbian Landlady and writer and stuff Laura Antoniou on Podcast #10, and J.P. waxes all rhapsodic as hell about The Marketplace series. And then J.P. makes all kinda noise about how awesome my roomie is, blah blah blah, we all know she's awesome and boggles the mind knocking out all kindsa books! We dipped toes into the ongoing 50 Shades debate, I talk about my upcoming OMFG CROSS COUNTRY TOUR (have you donated yet? Please do!) and why I want to create a documentary chronicling the stories of kink and BDSM in the USA.

Join me in conversation with Laura Antoniou, author of reams and reams of gay male smut (ha, see what I did there?) as well as one of the most seminal (oops I did it again!) series in the BDSM milieu: "The Marketplace."

And here it is! Segment six of the EPIC series on transparency! You probably wanna roll back to Episode 9, and then listen to 9A, 9B, 9C and 9D. Or just go back and listen to 'em all. You can still be a way cool early adopter, yo! Transparency! Yeah, sometimes, you are transparent where you absolutely are being honest and sincere and...it just wasn't the right damn thing to say, yo. We talk about how transparency can indeed leave you vulnerable but how wonderful it is when having that shared recognition of vulnerability can compel us to even deeper trusting and forge amazing bonds. And of course, the lexicographical trainwreck continues! No, iconify isn't the word you were looking for either, J.P. unless you meant making someone into a little symbol for the interwebs. Also not a word? Latitudinism. And though it took two instalments,he finally realized idealization of a partner was the thing we are talking about. And yeah, the word I was struggling to come up with is archetype. Derp! America's Next Top Fetish? Gaffers: the Next Big Thing in the dungeons of 'merica, yo. I talk about why your resume might be an excellent tool in your power-exchange relationships. J.P. suggests that power exchange dynamics might be uniquely suited to turn the dominant paradigm on its head by actually using power for good. WHUT WHUT!! For real, yo. What if we explore PE as a way to intrinsically improve / uplift our partners? How badass is it when these relationships are exclusively geared toward betterment? I'll tell you what happens. Daft Punk gets stuck in my head.

Transparency and opacity online. Doe the "Walled Garden " of Fetlife keep people from sharing their process in a broader context? Is it safe for sadists and dominant types to bare their shit to the public? Especially when their words could very well leave all kinds of evidence against 'em? I talk about some of the risks of personal transparency, sharing my own personal journey has put me in the crosshairs...and still does. I squick J.P.'s genitals, and we riff and jaw a bit abut the next big thing, courtesy of my weird brain: SUB JENGA! My Angry Birds ignorance is revealed (there's a Star Wars Angry Birds?!) Discussions on how a mutual desire for transparency and openness can foster transparency and, subsequently, emotional intimacy and validation. Which is teh awesome! Intimacy isn't always obvious: the outside world can't really have a transparent window into the intimacies of a relationship when all they can see is the play and the protocol... ...aaaand then you guessed it, time to Sad Trombone out of this installment! Tomorrow is the last bit of tastiness in this six-part brainmeat extravaganza on intimacy!

Part four of a six section extended club mix in which J.P. and I continue to dissect and chew on the multiple manifestations of transparency in Power Exchange dynamics, and in the larger world of BDSM. Transparency in interactions: what we see people doing in the kink / Leather / BDSM Confederacies has so little to do with what is actually happening for people. J.P. Talks about how some opacity can be, for some folks, a beneficial tool for maintaining some degree of personal, emotional, spiritual privacy. When is transparency too much of a risk? FOr those who are engaging in a deeply spiritual path, it may well be that a lack of transparency feeds the idea of spirituality being deeper. What is the difference between your essential nature and your state of being? Can you exist in a state that is not aligned with your essential nature? and what happens when you do? J.P. introduces me to the Canadian concept of...er...longetivity. Transparency in protocols, and accidental transparency, when someone tips their hand and manages to reveal deeper truths even when they don't expect it. And just as I make some snappy analogy to having to maintain that high-performance vehicle with the good gasoline, and how that maps to d/s relationships, we hit the 30 minute mark! Stay tuned, since we have two more installments on this dense and tasty topic! Seriously, people, that's, like a three hour conversation!

Picking RIGHT up where Episode 9A chopped off...this is the third section of a six-part series on transparency. Vulcan approaches to coping with emotional surges, feelings and how personal transparency helps PE work. J.P. comes so...close...to making a broad sweeping statement (gasp!) on the crude nature of using emotional obfuscation as s tool for control. Riffing on the awesomeness of submitting to a whole human, warts, flaws and all rather than creating earthly gods. Radical Honesty...how does that relate to transparency? And when is it cruel? And when is it preferable to redirect that potentially harsh energy into a kinder, gentler approach? On narratives about the story we hear so much about submission being a one-way street....why is so much a hard theme in the BDSM / Kink Confederacies? Do we choose intelligence and logic and truth or ignorance and blissful pencil-based lobotomies? Submissives contribute to this shit behaviour by accepting bad behaviour fro bad actors. Personal responsibility and transparency of internal accountability is important. Someone remind me to put my snax on a plate before podcasting...rather than rustling that shit around whilst recording. Oh yeah, and we are all cut out just as we get into transparency of the public vs. private discussions of the kink / BDSM experience...so. Stay tuned! More to come tomorrah!

Transparency = vulnerability = weakness: a common fallacy that we pull apart as we dig into the idea about internal transparency. The value of three simple words from a dominant in times of crisis: what do you say when you don't have the answers? Is transparency potentially risky? How do we along those things in an unequal power dynamic? And then we have to cliffhang just as we get into moar discussions on emotion...but stay tuned! The nest part's a-comin'!

Transparency, fools! Why do we not see so much of it from dominant types? How important is it in d/s and M/S relationships? When is the hunter more vulnerable than the hunted and who is hunting who in the first place? And more importantly. JUST HOW SWEATY IS JP?!? All this and more in the first-of-six installments on transparency in kink!

In which I answer a question from Saynine about how kink makes one's love life more complicated and a question from LeRougarou about POC and BDSM. Thanks, guys!

Sex, Kink, Sexuality, what does it all meeeeean?!? Brainnoms again with J.P. Robichaud and we try to hash out sexual satiation vs. erotic satiation. Aaaand...have moderate success with that. On eroticising sammitches...and on Coco The Cat's refusal to bring sammitches. Why SMs are pretty much The Shit and how much it translates preeeety damn flawlessly to BDSM. And how I suspect that pretty much all Stage Managers are a bit kinky. Some discussion on acknowledging service, on wny I really need to get the pat on the head, for real, yo. And why ID it that some perverts don't wanna talk about BDSM being FUN? Our question for you? Tell us how kink blends with fun and expends your joy! No, for real Tell us in the comments down there. Please? Otherwise J.P. will be all bummed out in that laid-back Canadian way and stuff.

How excitin! The conversation continues as we talk about my recent stint on the Savage Lovecast! We bring in a question that wasn't included in my Q & A from Dan Savage What is up with sexual satiation vs. erotic satiation? And how about sexual sammitch making, bro? And we also riff on god-mikes and SM for SMers. That's Stage Managers for the uninitiated, and yes being ito SM and being an SM is super hilarious.

In this bonusy episode, a per-recording tangent lead me to hit record! We talk about education amongst the Confederacy of Kinksters...about the need for more kink-identified folks to be therapists for us, why we hear about how tops should bottom but we rarely hear about how bottoms should benefit from topping, and how awesome it is to watch training videos of cops being tazed!

So, we talk some more about hunger, gut instinct, low-hanging fruit, how I had patience modeled early in my intentional explorations into BDSM. J.P. talks about repping for THE PATRIARCHY (woot woot!) and how caution plays into his own measured pace. Also chomped on are how D/S and m/s can be challenging and also tough to navigate when you have the One True Way Thing in your face...or it has crept into your guts. How do we seek patterns, and how do we find ourselves irresistibly drawn to the seductive lure of narrative? Pattern lock and narrative addiction...and the risks of entitlement. #BDSM #KINK #Mollena #Mollena Williams #JP #JP Robichaud #PrimeDirective #Dominance and #Submission

So we riff on handles, scene names, and why it is weird to call J.P. "The Control Enthusiast," and archetypes of dominance. Conversation also jumps around all over D/S negotiations, how power structures in these relationships work...or don't. Talking also happens about hunger and why you can't make your choices from a place of privation. I was inspired by this segment to write "Beware Hunger," a recent post. Apologies for sound quality snafus! #mollena #BDSM #kink #Leather #pervertednegress #controlrnthusiast #JPRobichaid #JP #submission #dominance

Getting hyphy with the hypotheticals..fantasies vs. realities and edgeplay in daily life. We talk about the hotness of attention to detail, the randomness of stutters, why I avoid the word Smörgåsbord, and why pufferfish dominance isn't always the move. #BDSM #kink #fetish #dominance #submission #mollena #pervertednegress #Leather #JP

#Mollena #ThePervertedNegress #BDSM #EDUCATION #JP #ControlEnthusiast #Kink riffs in education, demo vs play, and Coco the cat weighs in on penises.

Wherein we discuss the vagaries of voluntary servitude in a racist context, more Paula Deen fooliganism, plantations, and so forth! Featuring J.P. Robichaud

I answer a few questions that dind't get hit during my fleeting hour on Tristan Taormino's "Sex Out Loud!" The full show will be here http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/63590/mollena-williams-on-kinky-roleplay-race-play-taboo-fantasies-and-being-a-slave

My story of going into rehab and surrendering to a new identity.

A quick snippet about my singing on the soundtrack for "The Wiz"