Shut Up Simon

Folks in the hood(speaking to my ninja's) need therapy the most. Just go see somebody. I swear even tho it's a lot of "therapy talk" in this episode, you will laugh your a$$ off. I'm not sure if any of the platforms care if you curse in the description but all the brand-building videos on youtube got me shook. This week comedian, writer, animator Chike Robinson pulls up. I promise ya'll will enjoy the next 45 mins. We talk about the Migos, how to do w/ separating from your homies, selling bootleg CDs. Whatever we were talking about, it was funny as hell. IG: @shutupsimonpod       @hereschikeWatch us on Youtube

Why do the top 3 biracial rappers all have white mommas? Comedian Talent Harris pulls up to answer this question. We also discuss the best way to lie to our future kids in the age of endless information.IG: @talentharrisIG: @shutupsimonpod Twitter: @simonuforrealWatch this episode on Youtube.

DID YOU MISS ME???? It's been a while. R.I.P Paul Mooney. His conviction to not just his truth but the truth is the reason he is so respected and coveted. While I was gone I celebrated my two-year stand-up anniversary.  I thought I would've been touring the world playing blues harmonica by this time. My homie Electra(@electra_telly) pulls up cuz she's been in the game about the same amount of time. She's already famous. If you're in Brooklyn, on Wednesdays and want a place to go that will guarantee you dope ass if stories, come to @stankfacecomedy. Wednesdays at Starr Bar- 214 Starr St. Brooklyn, NY@shutupsimonpod@simonuforreal@electra_telly@stankfacecomedyBig thanks to @byasleon for allowing us to record in their shop. Watch this episode on Youtube.

One time I got mistaken for Pharrell & Bruno Mars in the same day. Okay, maybe not "mistaken for," but I was told I looked like them. They don't even look alike. I thought I was special, but really, I just fit the short light skin, archetype. But that's cool too, both them fools got Grammys. This week my fashion homie @jachukuomotayo pulls up & we dispel the myth of originality. IG:shutupsimonpod & @jachukuomotayoTwitter:simonuforrealWatch us on Youtube

What if somebody told you that they could give you everything you ever wanted? They promised you, that over the course of your lifetime, all of your wildest dreams can come true. All you had to do was shake their hand and maybe work a little harder but that's about it. You agree, and when you go to shake hands with them, their hand is covered in sh-t? We will always get what we want, never how we want it. IG:shutupsimonpodTwitter:simonuforrealWatch on Youtube.

A whole lot of jokes this week, with a pinch of life-altering information. I pulled up on @mattmiggz this week to see what's taking him so long with the best album the world has ever seen. We also revisit the most offensive names from Flavor of Love, & Ray-J's show where he was looking for a hoochie. People forget that's Brandy's brother.We forty episodes in. I love all ya'll musty a$$e$IG: @mattmiggzIG: @shutupsimonpodTwitter: @simonuforrealhttps://youtu.be/4ry8SmY1xY4

"If you can remember how you got where you are now, you can figure out the rest." - SimeezyBruh, I could really start a business making fortune cookies for cajun seafood restaurants. People who enjoy sauteed clam strips appreciate a good anecdote. In this week's episode, I go into the importance of reconnecting with your inner lil' homie. s/o to @amerikanheathenog for the dripIG: @shutupsimonpodTwitter: @simonuforrealhttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/shut-up-simon/id1509884062 https://open.spotify.com/show/4bilt5MYhEHNqTxzYSD0R7

My homie @edwards_eli pulls up to give Simon the skinny on how to be Tik Tok famous so I can move to California and live in a lukewarm hot tub. Also, if she asks you to take your shoes off, you already know what's up. Big thanks to @edwards_eliIG:@shutupsimonpodTwitter:simonuforrealWatch us on Youtube.https://youtu.be/8azHzzVmk5Yhttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/shut-up-simon/id1509884062https://open.spotify.com/show/4bilt5MYhEHNqTxzYSD0R7

You mad at Michael Jordan, or you mad at basketball?Also, if you ain't from Atlanta, shut yo' a$$ up. IG: @shutupsimonpodTwitter: @simonuforrealWatch on Youtubehttps://youtu.be/DaqjpQ1knsQhttps://open.spotify.com/show/4bilt5MYhEHNqTxzYSD0R7https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/shut-up-simon/id1509884062

This week I give a lesson in cooperation. The first lesson, if you have something to say, that is more than obvious, don't say it. The second lesson, if you have something to say that isn't that obvious, don't say it, yet. IG: @shutupsimonpodTwitter: simonuforrealWatch us on Youtube.

If you're ever in Italy, pack a pair of Jordans. This week I tell ya'll about the time I got chased by Italian Cops, almost got robbed, and was saved by a man with no arms or legs. Shoutout to my sister for being the live(virtual) audience of 1.Somebody hit up "The Moth"Watch Us on Youtube.IG: @shutupsimonpodTwitter: @simonuforreal

This week Simon is dolo. This ain't a TED Talk. Simon keeps it a buck about not wearing a mask in-doors, getting old at 28, & slapping anybody that questions the GOATness of Cee-Lo Green. IG: @shutsimonpodTwitter: @simonuforrealWatch us on

Comedian Reg Thomas pulls up to the stu for a very entertaining and even more insightful conversation. Now if you not familiar w/ my boy Reg Thomas, you really lame as hell. He's been seen him on Buzzfeed, Complex, Comedy Central, the brother toured with Insecure's own, Amanda Seales.He hosts a bicoastal stand-up comedy show called, "Productively Stoned," with the hilarious Jordan Rock. We got drunk, we talked more sh*t like two old heads in a barbershop. We cracked jokes, & dropped more gems than a one-armed jewel thief. Who got a bigger bag, Russell Wilson or Future?Is requiring your writing staff to be all black racist? Is the reign of Wyclef Jean over? If you at work, put your headphones in, if you at your baby momma's turn it up. The conversation is raw and unapologetic. Watch us on Youtube.IG: @regthomas @shutupsimonpodTwitter: @regthomas @simonuforreal

Expectations are a proven mood killer. Any & every mood will be made worse by expecting anything. If you want to experience any sort of joy & happiness, don't expect a goddamn thing. Check out Simon's newly bald head on Youtube. IG: @shutupsimonpodTwitter: @simonuforrealIf you'd like to sell something on the podcast, hit me up. @humansbeingcomedy@gmail.com

Simon cut his locs off after 3 years of his hair doing its' thing. Is he depressed? Whatever the case, nobody really cares. Welcome to Season 2. Go watch us on Youtube hereIG: @shutupsimonpodTwitter: @simonuforrealhttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/shut-up-simon/id1509884062#episodeGuid=Buzzsprout-7643554https://open.spotify.com/show/4bilt5MYhEHNqTxzYSD0R7

Simon returns for Season 2, January 25th, 2021. Having expectations for anything is stupid, inclusion is destructive, and the pursuit of happiness only ends in the opposite.This season Simon playfully and critically discusses the hypocrisy and contradictions in our everyday lives. @shutupsimonpodWatch us on youtube.

Congratulations. We made it. Despite the BS, we're here. Let's hug & kiss cuz we're gonna need all the love we can get in this year coming up. Happy New Year - Simon U.@shutupsimonpod@simonuforrealhttps://www.simonubryant.com/watch on Youtube here

Today is the day. 12/21/2020.If you black, it's our day of transcendence into our new native land, I'm going to assume is Wakanda. Maybe this why we haven't gotten reparations, b/c they knew this entire thing was going down. Maybe. Maybe not. In Other News:Don't discount your own experience and lose yourself in the lessons learned from the experience of others. - Ya Boi.Also, Happy Crimuh.Watch us on youtube.

Black people can thank racism for being excluded from the opioid crisis. & What TF is happening to us on December 21st?For the past several weeks, every episode has just been me & you. Sex therapists says2 in order for any relationship to work, the parties involved have to keep the loving spicy & interesting. So that's what I did this week. I made it spicy and interesting. I invited business homie and fellow zoo enthusiasts to the show to shed some insight on a number of things. Rony has owned a number of successful businesses, so he might know a lil' something. @r_b_j_@shutupsimonpod

If you pull up on a punk bitch with cold, hard, cash money, the only credit you need is your name mentioned when the punk bitch tells the story about the G that pulled up & dumped 50K on his head. This week, join Simon for this rare financial discussion about how credit will have you going out sad for real. @shutupsimonpod

Happy Holidays y'all.Regardless of what you celebrating, it's still a celebration. If you can, be with your fam, your friends, if you vegan, ain't nobody judging you if you eat a lil' turkey & mac & cheese. Here at Shut Up Simon, I am more than thankful for the listens, the shares, the comments, & the critiques. Wishing all of you a safe and enjoyed holiday season. Follow us on IG@shutupsimonpod

I'll say it again, we are all functioning egomaniacs. Making our whole world revolve around us, when the truth is, we have very little to do with most of the shit that happens to us. But if we all acted like the person in the group project who is confident in his own skill & knows regardless of what these lames do on this project, my part gonna be A-1, we'll be fine. In short, quit taking it all so personally. It's barely about you anyway. @shutupsimonpod

You ever just shut the f*ck up and let somebody else talk? Like completely? It's so ironic that each generation is convinced that it is smarter and more capable of eutopia than the previous generation. How close do we seem to that truth?The ego is the enemy. Our own belief in ourselves can be delusional and keep us disconnected from reality and obtaining the necessary information to maximize our potential. s/o to Ryan Holiday@shutupsimonpod$SimonBryant

This week Simon is talking 'KINK SHAMING.' How productive is none of it?@shutupsimonpod@simonuforreal

Look, I get it. Sh*t is bad, but that doesn't mean it's over. What we do right now is going to be what sets us up for when things change, and they will change. Sure, we may be on the brink of a civil, race war, plague, global explosion, apocalypse, but shit, you think Harriet Tubman was all smiles? @shutupsimonpod@simonuforreal

(If you can guess that acronym I’ll pay for your next uber eats meal, but only if it’s sushi)Took a break, but ain't nothing broken. "Shut Up Simon" has done some soul searching and realized the people don't want to hear someone they don't know have conversations with other people you don't know. Go figure. We made. few changes to make the show more enjoyable and efficient. Most importantly, we've made the show easier for our host/producer/editor, Simon to manage(since he is the only one that manages the show).Instead of sitting through an hour(+) long conversation, Simon is going to save you the trouble and just share all of the best parts of the conversations he has w/ his dope ass homies and other dope ass people who he may not be homies w/. Let this episode be teaser without any skin to skin contact. Follow Us: @shutupsimonpod @simonuforreal

We 20 episodes deep!!!!Should pilots have guns on board?Why do white kids shoot up schools? We don't answer these questions, but me & my guest, comedian Rallo Boykins touch on these topics just enough to make fun of them. @ralloboykins@shutupsimonpod

I'm working on vacation so I don't have much to say this week. In short, there's still time to complete the mission.@shutupsimonpod

The eternal search for self has gotten us nowhere. But it seems to be in our destiny to never learn our lesson. This episode Simon gets on ya'll ass for this obsessesion with identity.https://linktr.ee/simonufunny@simonuforreal

This week Simon sits down with Bedstuy's own Khidr Joseph. Khidr is a multi-disciplinary artist who epitomizes the concept of, D.I.Y. He's a starting five by himself in whatever the project is. Listen as they dissect some of his work, his attitude towards the reception, and how it's probably in the best interest of the artists, to abolish galleries. @khidrjoseph@shutupsimonpod

Dave is a Brooklyn based stand-up comedian, writer, actor, producer, and activist. He sits down with Simon to share his experience as a black patriot in a country that has yet to reciprocate that same pride in its' citizens that look like Dave. Simon & Dave share a number of hilarious stories, useful anecdotes, and a James Baldwin impersonation that will leave you shook. Check out Dave's new comedy album, "Dave's Cave Comedy Presents: The Beginning of the End" streaming on all platforms. @IMJUSTDAVE@shutupsimonpod

Death to the player. The end of a game. If we want to level up as a whole, we can no longer act like this player shit is cool. Women deserve better. I invited two of my homies to reflect on our own womanizing behavior in this AA-esque episode. https://www.simonubryant.com/

Tastemaker. If I had one homie who I would use this 2011 buzzword to describe, it would be my homie Matt Miggz. Miggz is a recording artist, producer, photographer, and is probably better than you at all of them. He's worked with Lebron James, T-Pain, Kith, Brent Faiyaz, and hella other cool ass fools(& I don't mean literal fools. I mean fools like just a normal person type fool). Despite all of this achievement, Miggz still finds stuff to trip about. We find out what, as well dig deep to find anything wrong with Jamie Foxx. @mattmiggz@shutup.simonhttps://linktr.ee/simonufunny

I pulled up on my fellow A-T-Lien, Hugh EP this week. Nature would agree that this convo was monumental because it started storming crazy in the middle of the convo, only for the sky to open up and a rainbow beamed across it. Now I wouldn't say it was a coincidence, nor would I say this man Hugh can harness the powers of the weather. What I will say though, is this convo is just a bite-size morsel of our entire discussion. Trust me, it would be too much to handle at once. I'll save more for later. In the meantime, follow us through talks of imagination, connection, and responsibility. You're welcome in advance.

10 in the chamber.

Normalize tote bags for short men, but also just calm down.

We are too big for pomegranate seeds. Also, obesity & scoliosis are both a result of negligence. Just pay attention & you won't have to worry about either.

Choices. Can't live em', can't live without em'. But in this uncomparable moment in time there are just way too many.

There was an episode scheduled for today however, I felt compelled to share my views on the tense & uncertain state of the country. A message for black people and advice for white people who want to help. This fight is much bigger than me. I am not claiming to be an expert on anything, but if I can use my voice encourage and inspire, I refuse to be silent. Power to the People. Power to Black People.

Self-reflection is hard because it reveals what we don't want to admit, that we're the reason our lives are messed up.

As if anyone cares, Simon tells the story of how he ended up in Brooklyn, NY. Yeah NYC is a piece of shit, but there is some magic in the air here for sure.

I bet you won't tell your coworker what your last paycheck looked like. Why are black women so secretive about their age? Flex that fountain of youth one time.

We're all guilty of complaining, but nobody ever makes you feel bad about venting. Fuck those venters.

You ever think that maybe the wild may be too wild for some wild animals? Like why do you think humans started living in buildings?

It's the very first episode. That's all I'm going to say.