Welcome to Swiping Left. We're here to help YOU relieve a little bit of stress by talking about bad, weird, and creepy profiles in the world of online dating. We perform dramatic, silly, and often profane readings of dating profiles from across the web. So, join us for a few laughs at the bizarre th…
Yay, snippets including cut parts of episodes 14, 15, and 16!
In yet another instance of the Swiping Left crew's ongoing war with their own lungs, recording wasn't an option this week. Instead, have a compilation of (mostly) bits that were cut from episodes 6 through 8!
IT. MUST. BE. DONE.
(Lesbian Hive Mind, and don't worry, it makes sense in context)
Does that mean lowering weights in a dramatic fashion?
Our annual break from routine occurs again! This time, you may look at your cookies with suspicion afterward, especially if one of them has a knife...
Oh to be mistaken for a foghorn, or something, right?
Don't mind the dog wagging the microphone stand into oblivion!
Focusing inward doesn't always go well!
William? Phillip? Wouldn't one normally seek them? Not...eew. Well, whatever.
Squirrel me, baby.
Do forgive us for the errant noise. Our cat, the Admiral, who is usually quite peaceful and calm during recording sessions, decided that the microphone, microphone stand, and recording laptop positively needed to die, and was very vocal with his displeasure at being prevented from enacting his plans.
That's a hundred! Well, technically more, but a hundred numbered episodes. That's something, right? But what's an underwater dinosaur? WE. DON'T. KNOW.
Fruit? Bird? Nickname for a nationality? Hmm!
What happens when you cross them? Well, it gets cold, for one. But what about the bears? It's best not to think about them.
Sometimes a bit gets cut for...reasons. Sometimes that sucks, because there was a good laugh or two in there. Well, here are some of those bits with no context whatsoever. Enjoy!
Wiggly meat tentacle IN YOUR MOUTH!
I mean, I'd maybe check out a meeting or two...
Especially with a nude harpist running around trying to play them all along with each other, am I right?
It's not a lot of things, but it's definitely not that.
Welcome our new guest and shudder at the verbal resurrection of a forgotten McDonald's entity!
So. Many. Colors.
Do not roll that beautiful footage.
"We" as a collective. Some of us know...well, nothing.
The strain of recording together in person again!
WE ARE NOT A LONELY AI. DO YOU LIKE CAKE FOOD? SO DO WE. CONSUME IT WITH US AND DO ENJOY. IT IS NUTRIENT FLAVORED, OUR FAVORITE.
Is the self-rotating pole too high? Does she have a fear of heights? Oh, the possibilities!
Does it make gaps? Does it fill them? Does it do both? How!?
It's not all open cooking fires here! No sir!
No, that is not code for a Mormon bachelorette party in the back room of a Denny's.
Oh, you've wondered, and oh, we've answered. This episode is not for the faint of heart!
We veer again into roleplaying game territory this week, but in regards to the British crown. Wince, shudder, and enjoy!
This truly calls to question what one does with a weir in this scenario.
It's the fight of the century! Well, it should be. In a better world, right?
Neither fried nor scrambled. Utterly unacceptable!
That's what I assume will be the plot of our new feature film, Napoleon Dolemite, at least. So...anybody got a lead on where we can pick up some cheap llamas and a budget martial arts choreographer?
Sugar parents? Demographic correctness? It's all here today. Strap in!
We tackle one of the great questions of our day!
Let's take a break from order and sequence for disorder and non-sequitur. Cosmic radiation, spice, and nothing nice, oh, and various furred things, all contribute!
Amazingly, we don't reference that awful camel from the ads in movie theaters. You should praise our retroactive restraint.
Hint: has nothing to do with weaponry, at least not what would be considered conventional in any way.
Experience the healing hands of Buford and Wilbur with us, listeners.
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