AlternaTive

Therapy refers to healing and practices, in this case, not formalized therapy with a clinician. As someone who is late diagnosed autistic and experiences chronic illness, I share how I've been working from the ground (bottom) up, and literally lying on the ground, to create a more attuned relationship to my body, and what its really like to be here in a body, to better meet and advocate for my needs.

Yourself, spirit, the universe, nature, friends, family, lovers, the community. We are living in dystopian, greedy times, yet our minds and collective consciousness are developing different values and imaginations outside of what is currently being lived and the ways in which humans and the earth are being exploited. Still, there is hope that lives within us, joy, and love. That glimmer of hope is energy that can be given towards community, relationships, and taking small actions in love and care to work towards a system that values everyone equally.

Some thoughts and experiences since I've been on a little hiatus.

Discussing the wholeness of our most personal stories and experiences, how observing art resonates so deeply in the heart, how someone else's specific, detailed story somehow feels like ours or the world's story. While these stories may have not happened to us literally, we can sense them, it's like we know them, that they've happened or will happen to us in some form, that they are happening in the world, we are honored to hear them, and we are blessed to feel them in this mysterious way that reveals our shared humanity. We get to learn the depths of others which mirror our own shadows and complexities, the chaos and curiosity of it all, the wonder in being alive, the suffering of death, temptation, failure, and darkness. Our deepest pains are not only ours, but pains the world cries for, and we may cry for the suffering of the world too. Through art, poetry, music, dance, singing, any kind of adornment, creation, expression, we become ourselves through a language of the heart with meaning that is shared and connects us in the deepest sense through the vastness of it all.

There is a pattern between those in roles of authority who care for vulnerable populations. Whether its not being allowed to go to the restroom without asking in school, ideas being disregarded as children, wisdom being brushed off or being unheard and unseen with your doctor, for those who experience chronic illness, for individuals who have had traumatic gynecologist experiences, and those who have been dismissed, sometimes further traumatized by therapists, there is an issue of refusal to respect people's autonomy and hear their lived experiences, to believe children, patients, students, clients, and to treat people in need of care and support as equals. Commonly in these roles, within the institutions of education, still learning outdated information as truth (such as issues within the DSM and fatphobia in the medical field) as well as the narrative norms of dominance and power, this power is often abused, maybe sometimes subconsciously. It is essential for all "experts" to retract that title and learn from their children, patients, and clients too, to believe the people that they are "helping" and to show up compassionately, to intentionally cultivate a deeper understanding for the validity and importance of other's lived experiences and needs. We must expand our understanding of the complexity and capacity of humans especially when we find ourselves in a trusted role.

As someone who deals with anxiety and decision fatigue daily, I've decided to conduct an experiment... I am going to fully do this thing and parent myself through this thing of trusting myself. I have been living for a future that never comes- a future of free time and me time, but any moment that I might have an opportunity, I'll then stress myself out about "self-care" and battle myself mentally about which order I should do things and why I need to do all of these things because they are good for me... Needless to say, it's not working out for me. When I find myself making the same excuses as to why I can't take a break and tend to a need in the moment, I remind myself that maybe that has worked out for me on the outside and barely, but it doesn't feel good. I've done the things- now what? I am leaning into trusting myself and trusting presence, to tend to the task or moment at hand now, and the future ones then. If I take care of present me now, future me will then be taken care of; I will have the capacity to show up for myself in the future because tending to myself now is the most soothing and energizing for all me's in all time periods. I can't prevent future anxiety by experiencing a profusion of current anxiety. Music is a tool that has been assisting me in bringing myself back to the present moment, as I can sway only to the beats that are occurring exactly when they are. It is validating to move around and express in such a way of.. expression... of gratitude, of pure fun.. Music and dance is such a helpful mood regulator and tool for processing trauma. Anyway, love you all. Try it on for size as you see fit :)

Kiss me Pour into me so I may be warm for others Lend me some gold fairy dust I wish I was as high as you So natural and known- your meaning and timing But I've already floated among the clouds, so perhaps I'd be better in the ground Rooted in the ground, I mean I wish access to nature was a human right I wish human activity was organized around protecting our mother and abundance for all others But then we would know all others is the same as none, the same as one, the same as God Sometimes I feel like the suffocated earth underneath the pavement Sometimes I feel like I'm longing on the rings of Saturn- watching her, me, taking apart and connecting the world she sees I must run into the woods And reach a stream No one else to tell me it's time to leave Where else would I go to scream? To sing? To swim?

What do we mean when we compare moments to movies? Usually these moments that we think could be filmed are moments that are shocking, awe-inspiring, dramatic... These moments are our realist moments of expression of emotion (”acting out" means literally that they are physically embodying/expressing something from within). These moments could have been written by someone very creative because they are so unimaginable- could have been "scripted." Well, the truth is, we are scripting and acting in life, but it takes a lot of people and roles to create a movie. Our reality can go as far and wide as our imagination. We first have to collaborate and script (ie: talk, discuss, write, organize) and then it can be acted out (enacted). It is time to think bigger than the existing, meager solutions that we so comfortably refer to in politics. In Rutger Bregman's Utopia for Realists, he address how Donald Trump, Borris Johnson, and other leaders moved the Global North farther right by frequently shouting shocking, unacceptable, outrageous ideas, so that when they reduced those ideas down by just a little, they then became acceptable (2017). These leaders broadened the scope, so anything less than the most extreme versions became digestible; the more extreme versions gathered support. So how do we create a better world? We start with bold ideas and talk about them frequently. Overtime, they become more and more acceptable and gather more support... Big ideas like universal basic income for everyone in the world and open borders.

How can we resist oppression that reduces people to their bodies, exploits labor, and dehumanizes as a primary tool for continued power? Pleasure-based activism is a personal and communal liberation from our own internalized negative and untrue thoughts derived from those who manipulated reality/society/institutions. Pleasure-based activism intentionally and naturally demands the inclusion of all humans and their right to pleasure, joy, balance, and rest. See the humanity in those doing the work by demanding less of them and fighting so that everyone has the resources to experience the highs of humanness. This can start with ourselves and granting ourselves permission, grace, and freedom to explore, to indulge, to laugh, and to love. We can set ourselves free from, "I have to be productive all the time to be valuable," by giving ourselves permission to rest and assigning meaning and learning the value of rest. We can set ourselves free from, "I should have a certain body and enviously compare myself to others," by connecting to our own bodies- body neutrality, body positivity, somatic practices that connect us to our bodies. We can begin to celebrate unique bodies and the innate beauty in all. I like to set myself free of needing to dress a certain way, by giving myself permission to wear only fabrics and designs that make me comfortable and free. Give yourself permission to be your full, multi-faceted self. Find spaces where you are welcome. Create space for everyone.

Here's the story: Human nature is selfish. We have always been and will always be. When others gain, you lose. Fight your way to the top no matter what it costs. Equality and happiness just aren't tangible. Sorry. Your worth is dependent on your productivity. Your value is dependent on your appearance matching models'. You don't have enough still. You are not enough still. Don't buy it? Come with me, where I try to explain my intent with this podcast. There are alternatives. The missing 90% of history, evolution, politics, etc. I seek knowledge that is true. We are innately good and we have an abundance of resources for everyone. Too good to be true? The narrative and language that makes up our reality tells us to see the worst in ourselves and others. The systems we have in place are centered around distrusting those who live in poverty, those who are different than the "norm" we created, so that we can keep operating how those in power see fit. We are living this way and no one is benefiting. After a long break, I am here to explore the alternatives again including embodiment, integration, connection, community, and authenticity.

After sharing my personal experiences with birth control, I finally get into the Symptothermal Method- a combination of the cervical mucous method, the standard days method, and the basal body temperature method. It uses these combined methods to indicate when one is highly fertile (ovulating) and has lower fertility, and then consenting partners can abstain from sex during the fertile period or use a barrier method (condom). I forgot to mention this very important fact in the podcast, but this method is 98-99% effective with normal use and 99.4-99.6% effective with perfect use. I discuss the follicular phase, ovulatory phase, and luteal phase of the cycle, what is happening hormonally, and what to expect/look for in one's cervical mucous and basal body temperature with the goal of avoiding pregnancy. I also talk about when to take your temperature and how to check your cervical mucous for this method. Tracking my cycle and being aware of my hormonal fluctuations had helped me feel connected to myself and now I celebrate and honor each phase of my cycle. Being emotional just means you're emotionally regulating- which is really important for overall health. Being hormonal is just a fact- yes, my hormones are constantly changes throughout the phases of my cycle. This should not be an insult, but is another way to minimize and delegitimize women to perpetuate sexism. I talk about self-care during one's cycle through menstruation, the follicular phase, the ovulatory phase, and the luteal phase too. Sources: The Period Repair Manual by Lara Biden https://moodymonth.com/articles/female-hormone-cycle-the-basics https://www.factsaboutfertility.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/SymptoThermalPEH.pdf https://www.factsaboutfertility.org/sexual-behavior-and-the-efficacy-of-the-sympto-thermal-method/ https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/22/5/1310/2914315 https://www.merckmanuals.com/home/women-s-health-issues/biology-of-the-female-reproductive-system/menstrual-cycle#:~:text=The%20menstrual%20cycle%20has%20three,Luteal%20(after%20egg%20release)

I introduce the Symptothermal Method, a non-hormonal birth control method that I use personally. This has been my "alternative" to struggling with severe side effects on hormonal birth control for 6 years. Birth control is a personal choice and I want everyone to make empowered choices about theirs. To do this, I think we should be totally informed. Haven't heard of the Symptothermal Method? I hadn't either. Doctors rarely teach this method, so I'd like to shed some light on it. Some people love their hormonal birth control or it simply is the most freeing and convenient for them- that is equally an empowering birth control choice. Be free and empowered in your chosen method. This podcast is for people who can get pregnant and people who menstruate. My intent is to be inclusive to all gender identities. I want to note that when I talk about my personal experiences, I experienced this things as a cisgender person w heterosexual experiences. This method has made me more attuned to my body and aware of my cycle. I want to CELEBRATE being emotional, hormonal, and cyclical. These traits might be associated with femininity, so I also wanted to note that feminine energy can embodied by woman, femmes, non-binary people, all folx. Expression of femininity and masculinity is not limited to one's gender identity, sex, sexual orientation, etc. In part one, I discuss my personal experiences on the pill, having an irregular cycle, the IUD, chronic health issues (PCOS), and what led me to this alternative method.

In an unorganized manor, I analyze systems of dominance and oppression across the narratives with parents to their passionate children, the state and "political party" to the people that support Black Lives Matter movement, global leaders and nations to the countries they colonized and currently force into sweat shops via Neoliberalism. A lot of parents are telling their children right now that their passion does not matter, that "it is the way it is," and "we've come so far." The state and state sympathizers are telling protesters and supporters of BLM, "stop overreacting," and here, take some symbolic/performative change like the cupid shuffle with the cops, but when it comes to systematic change, "shut up" or be met with tear gas. Global leaders are not held accountable for their actions like child sex trafficking meanwhile countries are forced into sweat shops and poverty is criminalized. Why are people told to work within systems that perpetrate oppression and violence and give free passes to those in power to commit whatever violence they want? Complacency and creating normalcy out of such evil and corruption is wrong. If we stay complacent, we will continue these cycles over and over and we will never evolve as a humans. We will never evolve spiritually. Dismantle dystopia. Use anger as a tool for love and empathy. Black-owned plant business to support: grounded-plants.com. Black activists to follow on Instagram: angelamanueldavis, rachel.cargle, opalayo, attorneycrump, ihartericka

I dive into intuition- trusting yourself and the clear messages given to you. I believe God lives in my heart, so when I am looking for guidance, I go within. Intuition does not feel tense, anxious, and agitated, but rather a clear and calm "yes," "no" or something else. There might be no huge, spiritual reason why you want to eat broccoli tonight, but if that's what you feel like, that's what your body needs. There is not always larger reason that your intuition leads you in a direction, but be open to the possibilities. I talk about utilizing intuition in big decisions, small decisions, and include consent in sexual experiences. It's empowering to make decisions that are in alignment with what we truly want and all of our nos create room for our true yeses. I use intuition for what I eat, my next "life decisions," and in sexual experiences. I trust myself. Unfortunately, a lot of people have had violating experiences, sexual harassment, sexual assault, rape, (or not knowing which of these to classify it as). Gunnison crisis line for sexual assault: 970-275-1193. National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800.656.HOPE (4673).

Not just a hashtag. Black lives fucking matter. I cannot create alternative content without first addressing the murder of George Floyd and the violence being done by police to further oppress black people. While I wanted to address this and not be silent, I do not want to take from the voices we really need to listen to: black voices. I discuss violence vs. non-violence a little. What way are YOU comfortable with people protesting oppression, violence, and white supremacy? The peaceful wasn't "okay" either. Speak up, but more importantly, LISTEN. Here are some resources: Minnesota Freedom Fund Inc. https://www.guidestar.org/profile/82-1214607?fbclid=IwAR00feAVQI_noO-gcFjEviuz7avESSCPeeSPLeT6na8cAhYH4ddGzuxhzOY Anti-Racism Resources https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BRlF2_zhNe86SGgHa6-VlBO-QgirITwCTugSfKie5Fs/mobilebasic?fbclid=IwAR38fNmyI7d2acaDJ2czRecR6CMSWIQgDj4oKYrg3SWxYG2CneYF1ni-8Ec Petition for Justice for George Floyd https://www.change.org/p/mayor-jacob-frey-justice-for-george-floyd?recruiter=203584981&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=psf_combo_share_abi&utm_term=80e2aa1ca3354e31a14a532e8a328481&recruited_by_id=3c7f0810-90a1-11e4-bfcd-11787827563f&utm_content=fht-22414602-en-us%3Av2 Protesters, cover your faces, write down lawyers numbers on your arms, wear goggles, carry water, turn off tracking, 3 tsp of baking soda for every 8.5 ounces of liquid to neutralize tear gas

It's about darn time I talked about nudity! No? Yes! A little freestyle about my experience at the nude hot springs as it is relevant to healing my relationship with my body. It affirmed my body is clearly mine- no one is taking from me. I talk about the shame I've felt around my stomach and how it often prevents me from breathing deeply the way I'd like to. When I breathe deeper, I have the capacity to take more in and create more space. I don't think this stomach-shame and habit of sucking in is uncommon. When I had other things to worry about showing, I didn't worry about my stomach and then I didn't worry about those other things either. I am working on instead of being envious of other gals, thinking, "I wish I didn't have to worry about armpit fat or stomach fat like them," realizing that I DON'T have to worry about those things period. Just because I have body parts that show up a certain way, does not mean I am obligated to worry about them and hate them.

In this podcast, I address body-focused repetitive behaviors and chronic daydreaming (two distracting behaviors I have personally) and have recently brought to the surface more. Having and sometimes struggling with these, it has always been known of their existence, but not their cause or a method to stop. I still don't know the exact root causes, and I am aiming to accept them rather than have an aggressive approach towards myself. BFRB's can involve skin picking, hair pulling, nail biting, etc. and we don't really talk about it. I hope to release the shame and embarrassment around these confusing behaviors and encourage loved ones to be compassionate to those of us who have them. They have served me for a time in my life, perhaps when they were more functional to distract me from a circumstance, but now that I am safe, I can honor them and my experience, while lovingly beginning to let them go. I discuss grounding and mindfulness techniques to bring oneself back to the present moment.

Season 1- Alternatively T, episode 5. I get into psychological reasons behind addiction and propose it is a lack of connection. I disarm the "disease model" of addictions and the treatment methods in congruence with it like AA and interventions (although I still support them and the people they have helped.) I believe we can still do better. I propose that the "addiction gene" is actually generational trauma. I talk about why these existing models and treatment perpetrate shame and guilt, which is counterproductive to addiction. Instead, unconditional love, support, and community is essential. Rehab might not be sustainable long-term because we take an individual out of a fancy rehab center and put them right back into the environment that their addiction originally manifested and expect them to remain "recovered." Addiction should be treated with the family and other systems. The responsibility of addiction should not weigh so heavy on the addict. I also discuss that exercise can be an addiction as well as caffeine, and social media (mine). I advocate for balance and moderation and love without limits or conditions in treatment.

Season 1- Alternatively T, episode 4. In this episode, I first reveal some of my political beliefs so that I can be authentic and vulnerable with you and shed my fear of people disagreeing with me. I open with my social political perspectives, so that I don't just critique current views and treatments for addiction, but rather, I share policies that I do advocate for. I touch on this political piece first because it is an essential part of the equation and if we deny it, we cannot fully treat individuals for addiction anyway. Or we can and we do, but it might not be the best way of doing so. I discuss our attachment to belief systems, confirmation bias, and us vs. them mentality. I then talk about the War on Drugs that we are not and never will "win." I advocate for harm reduction, safe injection sites, and decriminalization of all drugs. Part 2 will address it from more of a psychological standpoint.

Season 1- Alternatively T, episode 3. When we wake up and check our phones, we are looking to the external world before processing our own feelings when we wake up. When we create space in the morning, we can self-reflect, cultivate gratitude, and slow down in the moments we do have control over. I've never been a morning person, but waking up becomes more joyful when you CHOOSE to wake up and curiously approach your day after doing the practices that make you feel peaceful. I describe my personal morning routine and how it has helped set the tone for the day. If any of it resonates with you, try it out and see how it feels. Continue to evaluate your practices and the way they leave you feeling. Keep adapting and adjusting to feel restored and empowered.

Season 1- Alternatively T, episode 2. I discuss that health is not a moral obligation, the existence of systematic inequality and why health is not easily accessible for everyone, diet culture, shame and praise for weight gain and weight loss, choosing the most empowering perspective, affirmations, and going against societal norms by loving yourself at any age or weight because your body is YOURS. You are authentically beautiful.

Season 1- Alternatively T, episode 1. As we shift into a new normal and emotions arise, I encourage you to feel where in your body those emotions are rooted and with song and dance, allow those emotions to move through you. There is great wisdom, joy, and community in Italy where people are going to their balconies to sing and dance together. We can learn from this and sing and dance here, alone and with the witness of others (those you live with). The movement of the body and voice helps to release emotions that can otherwise be stored. Because we physically tense and contract in times of stress, we strain our bodies. Healing can come through movement and expression.