If Lands Could Kill Podcast

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If Lands Could Kill is a comedy Magic: the Gathering podcast by novices, for novices. Host Knife City along with Ryke, Samhain Crow, and Hot Sauce discuss the meta game, building decks, giving advice to new players, and how not to be a dick. This podcast has explicit language and themes, and that's…

If Lands Could Kill


    • Nov 13, 2019 LATEST EPISODE
    • infrequent NEW EPISODES
    • 2h 5m AVG DURATION
    • 133 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from If Lands Could Kill Podcast

    Episode 131 - Winner Winner You Had Too Much Dinner

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 13, 2019 143:09


    The boys are back in town and ready to talk MTG. What have they been up to lately, you’re probably wondering. You’re in luck because they go over what has happened since we last saw them.

    Minisode 1 - Breaking History

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 8, 2019 39:06


    Are you missing that special something in your life? Haven't had your ILCK desires filled? Need to release a little tension? Well you're in luck big boy! ILCK presents our Minisode series. It's not a full cast and it's not a full episode but it's still just enough to last you until you can get your next fix. Or it's just filler, you decide! This minisode KnifeCity opens a box of Modern Horizons and talks about Oathbreaker.

    Episode 130 - Most Kissable Guilds

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 5, 2018 104:29


    Just when you thought it was safe, the ILCK boys are back. This episode they talk about MTG Arena, Standard, and a build around card that they both built decks around. Whose deck is better? You be the judge! Stick around until the end to figure where to kiss us.

    Episode 129 - Bonobo Buddies

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 25, 2018 180:05


    Shots fired right out of the gates. ILCK wants you to know that they are back and they aren’t messing around. This episode the boys talk about the little break they took from casting. They go on to talk about Commander 2018 and all the products surrounding Guilds of Ravnica. Hot Sauce has a spicy EDH brew while Knife is simply excited about books. Stick around until the end to join in the fun….the making fun that is.

    Episode 128 - The Story That This Road Tells

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 26, 2018 121:04


    In a garage, two men sit. Sound waves travel through space and time, only to be captured by a GhostBusters like Ghost Trap, comprised of mics, filters and a laptop. And you, my good listener, are the Containment Unit. Now sit back and take this steaming box of ghastly comedy. Stick around until the end for human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

    Episode 127 - Mr Bean Coming In Hot

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 15, 2018 147:17


    This week the boys work with what they got. Knife and Sauce continue to carry the flag of hilarity and MTG. Stick around until the end for some new changes that will take place.

    Episode 126 - Noobsplaining

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 26, 2018 122:24


    So much has gone on since the boys were last in action. KnifeCity hogs up all the intros and then they go on to talk about the Pro Tour, Modern Unbannings, M25 and future MTG games. Stick around until the end to hear the results of a very important Twitter poll.

    Episode 125 - A Tom Tom Christmas

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 6, 2018 177:26


    After a short hiatus the guys are back with an action packed cast! They talk about Unstable, their non-staple EDH staples and a speculative read of a Rolling Stone MTG article. Stick around until the end for the quote of the century.

    Episode 124 - Trademark It

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 23, 2017 133:23


    Want to escape an awkward family gathering? Need some humor to drown out your drunk Uncle's political ramblings? About to pass out from over eating and need a podcast to help keep you awake on the long drive back from Grandma's house? Well you're in luck because on this episode the boys practice their hilarious riffing while talking about their weeks. They go on to talk about MTG/MTGO news and the upcoming Unstable set. Stick around until the end for a history lesson.

    Episode 123 - Lucky Louie

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 15, 2017 116:26


    This week the guys talk about current affairs and comedy. They then move on to discuss Pro Tour Ixalan, MTGO changes, some 1DH results and some bitching new tokens. Stick around until the end because we can't finish if you don't.

    Episode 122 - Barely Understand It

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 6, 2017 126:52


    This week the guys start off with such serious topics as Star Wars and how their week is going. They go on to talk about MTG digital products, Hot Sauce's 1DH deck and Knife's Axis of Evil EDH deck. Stick around until the end because......I remember Halloween.

    Episode 121 - We Can Never Go Back To Olive Garden

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 16, 2017 121:05


    This week the guys crack each other up during the first hour of the show by telling stories and talking about their weeks. They go on to talk about Standard, new Modern decks and Knife talks about how his 1dh deck performed. Stick around until the end because this bit won't die.

    Episode 120 - Goodbye Doesn't Mean Forever

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 29, 2017 251:44


    This week the boys satiate your earholes with a 4 hour long cast. They have on ex host and long time friend, Ryke, to keep them company during the first half of the cast. They go on to discuss MTG Arena, MTGO and Ixalan. Stick around until the end for some tears!

    Episode 119 - Glimpse the Reprintable

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 15, 2017 149:11


    This week the boys try to cut the intros  short (yeah right) and talk about all that is going on in the world of MTG. They talk Iconic Masters, C17 decks in practice, MTG Arena, and Ixalan spoilers. Stick around until the end because Chixdiggit.

    Episode 118 - The EDH Chromosome

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 15, 2017 141:22


    This week the boys travel back in time to about a month ago. When it comes to MTG they are pretty much stuck on EDH and the new pre cons. Stick around until the end to hear the boys horse around.

    Episode 117 - The Good, The Bad and a Little Bit of Magic

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 28, 2017 142:36


    This week the boys talk mostly about all the hilarious and real things happening in their lives. There's MTG sprinkled in but we all know why you are here. Stick around until the end to time walk into the past....or whatever.

    Episode 116 - Bert's Insulin

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 25, 2017 202:00


    This week the boys talk about what video games they've been playing, what podcasts they've been listening to and other such things that take up their time. When they move on to MTG they discuss a variety of different decks spanning several formats and Knife answers the call to Hot Sauce's challenge of building a budget EDH deck. Stick around until the end to hear how the true beginning of the episode starts.

    Episode 115 - Maro, Maro, MARO

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 19, 2017 186:06


    This week the boys can't really remember what happened over the past month or so but they are up to their old shenanigans again. Not only are there some thought provoking conversation to be had but this is also their Hour of Devastation set review episode. Right? That's what the other podcasts call it? Whatever, stick around until the end to find out what happen to Knife's sleeves!

    Episode 114 - The Late Conspiracy Part 3

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 7, 2017 134:32


    Nothing is making sense anymore! These episodes are like weeks late and frankly I'd like to find out who is respon..........*hhhhmmmm* *hhmmmppphh* *hhhmmmmppphhh* *THUD*.Hello everyone! This episode of If Lands Could Kill is brought to you by LSVD, Paula Victor Damn it Rosa, and everyone here at the Channew Fiyea Bawl family. Keep in mind you can visit our website to buy over priced singles, listen to podcasts that used to be good, and read mediocre articles that are behind an unnecessary paywall. Thanks for your support (money) and hope to see you at the next GP (for more money).

    conspiracies gp thud if lands could kill
    Episode 113 - The Late Conspiracy Part 2

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 4, 2017 98:03


    The mystery goes on! Why isn't Knife in this episode? Is he the one behind the episodes being late? Or did he get too close to the truth and someone shut him up? Listen to this Sauce and Crow filled episode until the end to find out.

    Episode 112 - The Late Conspiracy Part 1

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 26, 2017 92:44


    What happened to the cast? Why are the episodes so delayed? Are the guys caught in some sort of temporal time rift? Will they ever catch back up? Stick around until the end to find out the answer to these questions and more!

    Episode 111 - Better Late Than Marvel

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 12, 2017 86:56


    This week the guys talk video games, MTG news, and leaked cards. Stick around until the end to find out if you are a sicko or not.

    Episode 110 - Baby Magic

    Play Episode Listen Later May 27, 2017 156:06


    This week, after the boys run down their weeks, they discuss Pro Tour Aether Revolt, Standard, finance, behind the scenes moves by WotC and Knife walks us through his Kefnet control deck. Stick around until the end to hear Sauces new favorite band. 

    Episode 109 - Stingrays and Corndogs

    Play Episode Listen Later May 18, 2017 129:20


    This week we are down to two and a half hosts. The 2.5 guys talk about Iconic Masters, Standard, Modern, finance and where exactly the center is on a corndog. Stick around until the end to hear the death rattle of the Red Falcon.

    Episode 108 - WotC is Always Watching

    Play Episode Listen Later May 3, 2017 88:07


    This week we are down to two hosts. Knife and Crow review what they talked about last week since they had another botched episode. They also discuss the Amonkhet pre-release, the ridiculous emergency ban and its repercussions, and Knife talks about his list that finally makes zombies decent in Standard. Stick around until the end to find out what song we were listening to when we made out with your sister in Jr High.

    Episode 107 - Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 13, 2017 151:16


    This week the guys talk about popular culture, media and games. Once it's Magic time they talk about Amonkhet spoilers. Stick around until the end to hear the sweet yet stinky serenade.

    Episode 106 - Free Glamour Shots

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 11, 2017 139:49


    This week the guys talk about TV and video games before they get to the Magic. They go on to discuss announcements and changes from WotC, spoilers from Amonkhet, new mechanics and card design. Stick around until the end to hear how we interact with our listeners.

    Episode 105 - Dimir Stinky Fingers

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 1, 2017 127:13


    This week the guys start off discussing movies, videos games and Jennifer Aniston. Once they get to Magic they talk about Knife's Modern burn deck, their Conspiracy Cube, CFB taking over GP's, how the Gatewatch is played out and about how wonderful Magic Digital Next could be. Stick around until the end to find out why their episodes are always so delayed.

    Episode 104 - Cold Blooded

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 20, 2017 172:26


    This week the guys talk about their comedic influences as well as go over their week. They talk about their finished Conspiracy Cube, listeners comments, comments from Maro on upcoming sets, MM3 and peoples thoughts on Modern. Stick around until the end to find out what Grandma likes to eat!

    Episode 103 - The Ghost Badger

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 28, 2017 118:34


    This week the guys talk about animal tragedies, video games and as always MTG. They discuss Amonkhet and MM2017 art, new card interactions and did you know you can play a Frontier tournament on MTGO? Stick around until the end to get a little snug with the cast.

    Episode 102 - Hot Sauce in a Bottle

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 21, 2017 70:55


    Well, here goes nothing. This week Hot Sauce is on his own with some beer in hand and a list of the strangest MTG cards he can find. Upcoming video games releases and some MTG news are there to fill in the gaps. Stick around to the end to hear Tezzeret shred some riffs.

    Episode 101 - Salacious

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 18, 2017 143:04


    The boys are back and at it again. This time it's under 5 hours. This week the gang talks about some sort of tournament, their thoughts on what will go down at PT Aether Revolt, and of course, their new obsession, Frontier! And mid-cast they even give a movie review on Rogue One. Careful because it is chalk full of spoilers. Stick around until the end to find out what it takes to be number one.

    Episode 100 - Good Length

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 17, 2017 313:58


    They finally did it! Episode 100! This episode the boys reflect on how much they have changed in the past 100 episodes, they give a back story to their personal ties, they talk about their favorite moments over the past three years and look back at their 2016 predictions and look forward at 2017. They even bring back long time friend and former host, Ryke. Stick around until the end, that is if you can make it that far, to hear what a couple listeners had to say to the cast.

    Episode 99 - Boiling Point

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 7, 2017 122:07


    Technically this is the last episode of 2016. This week the guys have some fun talking about Christmas, MTG finance and the new fad, Frontier. Stick around until the end to listen to the perfect outro song.

    Episode 98 - A New Bandwagon

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 21, 2016 92:35


    Oh you brave idiot, welcome to another episode of ILCK! This week the guys talk about a problem card in standard, spoilers, and once again we visit the new budding format, Frontier. Stick around until the end for some 80's movie spit balling.

    Episode 97 - Got'em

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 13, 2016 239:12


    Oh you brave idiot, welcome to another episode of ILCK! This week the guys are so excited to see each other they just can't seem to shut up. They talk about everything from lore, spoilers, cast questions from Knife, to returning to an old segment, Noob's Knowledge. If you can sit there and listen to the whole thing, let us know on Twitter!

    Episode 96 - On The Fly

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 23, 2016 127:17


    This episode the cast discusses everything from NES to EDH. They even start diving into a new format called Frontier. 

    Episode 95 - What'd Ya Expect

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 16, 2016 141:35


    This episode the boys talk nonsense and Commander. Stick around until the end to hear what the cast talks about before the cast!

    Episode 94 - Bear Soup

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 1, 2016 200:44


    This episode the boys sadly accept the fact that they are now a three man cast. They go on to talk about the Kaladesh Pro Tour and all the changes that have been going on lately in the wide world of Magic. Think we’re all out of awkwardly hilarious stories? Well stick around until the end to hear the bare truth.

    Episode 93 - Live Slow, Die Low

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 26, 2016 124:57


    This episode the boys talk about Kaladesh spoilers, MTGO, and other such things. Stick around until the end to hear evidence to why Knife is the biggest Beastie Boys fan on the cast.

    Episode 92 - The Buzzing

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 22, 2016 151:12


    This episode the boys talk about comedians, dogs, and death. When they get around to Mgaic they discuss Conspiracy 2, MTGO Leagues, EDH, MTG podcasts and Kaladesh spoilers. Stick around until the end if 40 oz's freeze your balls.

    Episode 91 - Bless The Cards In Conspiracy

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 22, 2016 109:22


    This week Knife and Sauce talk the usual non-sense and discuss Conspiracy 2. Stick around until the end to hear a gut wrenching vocal duet. 

    Episode 90 - A Winner Is You

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 19, 2016 110:04


    This week the guys talk about Pro Tour EMN, FTV Lore, community issues, and non-sense. Stick around until the end because sometimes there's bloopers.

    Episode 89 - Perfect Timing

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 10, 2016 95:41


    This week the guys talk about pre Pro Tour EMN magic. As always though, before they get to the MTG they talk about their weeks, escapades, and general nerd stuffs. Stick around until the end to hear KnifeCity miss making a huge mistake by mere seconds.

    Episode 88 - Pokedick

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 1, 2016 132:12


    This week the guys talk about Eldritch Moon. As always though, before they get to the MTG they talk about their weeks, escapades, and general nerd stuffs. Stick around to hear the catchiest song from your childhood that you totally forgot about.

    Episode 87 - Yankee Candle

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 5, 2016 125:58


    This week the guys talk about....big surprise....spoilers. And always it is accompanied by hilarious banter that you can't find anywhere else. Except for maybe Heavy Meta, if they still even put out new episodes. Stick around until the end for Merica!

    Episode 86 - Wasted

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 4, 2016 172:53


    This week the guys talk about video games, MTG, and also get distracted by their very successful live stream. Stick around until the end to hear our theme song.

    Episode 85 - Super Eskimo Bros

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 17, 2016 155:40


    This week the guys talk about EDH, MTGO, streaming, and what cards out of EMA are relevant to Tiny Leaders. I'm not doing it this time!

    Episode 84 - No Ticket

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 10, 2016 131:36


    The cast is reunited and it feels so good. All members are back and ready to go. Who knows what the hell we are talking about but it’s hilarious. There’s Magic talk in there somewhere. But is that really why you’re here? Stick around until the beginning because Knife likes to start the cast right in the middle of nowhere.

    Episode 83 - Two Dudes and a Contest

    Play Episode Listen Later May 31, 2016 67:36


    The cast once again has its members split in twain. But this time it's into the first time duo of Sauce and Crow. They talk about Magic and hilarious other stuff pertaining to their lives. Stick around until the end because I started writing this in every episode and now I feel obligated to continue doing it.

    Episode 82 - Senseless Compendium

    Play Episode Listen Later May 19, 2016 204:23


    Join us as we begin a new campaign across a glorious land in search of glory, magic, and badgers. Three members journey through hordes of enemies, dangerous landscape, and their own stupid humor in search of their long lost fourth member. Will they find him? Only time will tell!

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